Understanding Female Psychology 101

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? It's Mark Sing from the Unapologetic Man Podcast. Thank you for tuning in to another episode. And today, we're going to talk about something really interesting. We're going to talk a little bit about female psychology. What the hell are these women thinking? Why the hell do they act how they do? How in the hell can we get them attracted to us?

0:41 All right. So we're going to divide this into three different sections. First of all, I want to talk a little bit about feminine energy and explain why women act the way they do. Secondly, we're going to talk about attraction, how female psychology works into attraction. And then thirdly, we're going to talk about relationship dynamic and why oftentimes guys will blow themselves out by getting too relationshipy too soon with the women who isn't prepared for that. So let's jump into the content. All right. So women operate on feminine energy, obviously.

1:11 We all have a certain number of marbles, okay? If you have a hundred marbles, a certain number of those are going to go into feminine energy and a certain number of those are going to go into masculine energy. We all have both within us, okay? So you're not purely masculine. She's not purely feminine, but we have a balance of each. So for most guys, it's probably about 80-20 and on the reverse for most women, it's about 80-20 as well. So she's got 80 white marbles and 20 black marbles.

1:40 Well, the white marbles are feminine, feminine energy, okay? Feminine energy receives. It takes in. It's always searching for stimuli outside itself. Women want validation, stimulus, and entertainment from the outside world. That's why women love to go to nightclubs so much is because nightclubs are basically a big stimulus package. They got the loud music going. They got the light shining. She gets to get dressed up. She gets to get validated. Oftentimes, women aren't even going to nightclubs to meet men, really. They're just going out there to get validated.

2:16 I'll often ask girls, what percentage or what number, one out of 10, are you here to meet guys? And they'll usually give me like a two or a three. What they're really there for is to get validated, to have fun, to get the stimulus. So it's important to remember that when you speak to a woman, you have to give her that stimulus. You have to be engaging. You have to get into her emotions. If you go up and do boring conversation, if you do the typical interview, where are you from?

2:48 What do you do? Stuff like that. You're not going to get attraction. Attraction is created through emotions. And that's the next big point is that emotions are paramount from women. In fact, women act on their emotions and then rationalize it later. That's so important. I want to say it again. Women act on their emotions and then rationalize it later. Okay. So what they'll do is they'll make arbitrary emotional-based decisions like buying a car, sucking a guy's dick, doing drugs, whatever it may be. And then they'll rationalize it afterwards.

3:27 Okay. But this is a good thing. And this is something that we can use to our advantage because women are so all over the place with their emotions. They're so fickle and not sure what's going on and what they're doing. Now, I don't want to portray women as like basket cases or all over the court. I mean, certainly there's a lot of good things that come out of feminine energy. But oftentimes, you can control their emotions. And if you can bring them to a place that creates attraction in their emotions, which I'm going to discuss next, then you can get them attracted to you.

3:58 But here's the thing too, is since they are emotional and since their emotions are kind of all over the court and can be controlled by outside stimulus, you can get her out of a bad mood like that. You can take a woman and simply spin her like a ballerina and she'll get into a better mood just like that. You could compliment her in a certain way and put her into a better mood. So if she's brooding in a bad mood, it's your job as the man to change her state.

4:25 If she just had a fight with her boss, the last thing you want to do is try to rationalize with her and tell her to look at the positive and to go on the rational level. You have to go on the emotional level. For example, you could say, come on, sweetie, let's go get you some ice cream. You had a bad day. Here, wait here. I'm going to go do something for you. And you go and you bring her some flowers. Why are flowers, which to us seem so ridiculously stupid, why are they so impactful for a woman?

4:54 I know for me, I buy my woman flowers about twice a month. And every time she comes home and she sees those stupid flowers in a vase on the island in the kitchen, she gets this gigantic smile on her face. She like lights up. Why is that? It's because it's outside stimulus. It's colors and smells and beauty. And it gives her a drop of oxytocin that immediately makes her light up. To us, it's completely irrational. Why in God's name would I ever waste my money on something that's going to die in a week anyways?

5:25 They're like the stupidest investment ever. But see, women, they're into that kind of thing. They're into teddy bears and ice cream and stories and literatica and clubs and dressing up and wearing high heels and looking pretty. Do you know how unbelievably uncomfortable high heels are for a woman? That, by the way, is why they keep moving throughout the club. Very rarely will you see a girl in high heels standing still. It's because her feet are hurting. She wants to go dance and engage and walk around and just to ignore the fucking pain that's in her feet.

5:58 So these are some introductions to female psychology that are really important. Remember, women are getting stimulus from outside themselves. They act on emotions and rationalize it later. And they are affected by things that we find completely ridiculous and completely stupid. So how can we use that to our advantage? Well, section two is attraction. Okay, first of all, attraction is not a choice. A girl can be attracted to you and literally hate your guts at the same time. This happens to me very often at the bars and the nightclubs.

6:32 Women see me with other women. They hate me. They think I'm an asshole. They think I'm a player, but they're still attracted to me. I've literally had girls tell me, I fucking hate you, but I'm in love with you. I've literally heard that sentence. I hate you, but I'm in love with you. That's because once again, attraction is not a choice. They can rationally hate you, but emotionally love you. Okay. Attraction is also generated for women in the turmoil of emotions, turmoil of emotions. What I mean by that is, is if you can create curiosity, confusion, mixed signals, push, pull, being a challenge, not always being available, being a mystery, always being slightly out of her reach.

7:20 Those are the things that create attraction, having fun, laughing at your jokes, wanting more from you as you walk away, saying something that's like really nice. And then something that's really mean, which is like mixed signals. You know, I really love dogs. Like this is something I'll say oftentimes just to kind of fuck with their head a little bit. Yeah, I love dogs so much. I ate one in Vietnam and they're so delicious. So that's like a push pull thing you can use. Like I love dogs.

7:47 Oh, he loves dogs. I ate one in Vietnam. Why would he say that? Again, attraction is generated in the turmoil of emotions. Attraction is also built in space. One of the biggest things that guys do wrong with women is they're too available. They're spending too much time with the woman. Space is what creates attraction. That means they get more attracted to you when they're away from you. When they can't quite get your attention, when they can't quite get your time, that's when attraction is built. Okay.

8:18 Emotions are so powerful for girls that they'll sleep with the dude on the first date. They'll become psychos when things don't go well for them. They'll stalk you and worst of all, they'll reject a guy who is perfect for them, but who puts them on a pedestal. Okay. So women can say, this is the kind of guy I want. I want a nice guy who has a good job, who treats me like gold and who does all these great things for me. And then you know this better than I do.

8:46 They go sleep with the fucking asshole or they'll go hook up with the guy who's totally wrong for them. The complete opposite of what they rationally say they want. That's why you want to be very careful when you listen to dating advice from a woman, because she's going to tell you rational things. Oh, just tell her how you feel. Oh, just leave a flower on her car. Oh, just write her a poem. And then it blows up in your face. Why? Because they don't even understand what truly attracts them.

9:16 They think they want this thing. And then they go sleep with a different guy who's a complete asshole. And then they beat themselves up over it. Why am I always attracted to this kind of guy? Why do I always do this? It's because you're out of control of your emotions. He is creating emotions in you that go beyond your rationalization of what you want from a dude. He's controlling that turmoil that I explained, that curiosity, the confusion, the push pull, the being a challenge, the being slightly aloof, being unable to be godly.

9:48 It's like oftentimes women get attracted to the dude that they can't quite get, the bad boy who they want to change into a good boy. And then the second they do, they lose attraction for him and blow him out. Okay. So these are some of the things that women do. And we have to be cognizant of that in order to effectively attract them. Okay. Attraction is also like a dimmer switch. You can say 10 right things and then suddenly you do some low value thing. And then that dimmer switch goes down a little bit.

10:17 Of course, it consolidates over time. But in the beginning, you can get it and lose it just like that. Whereas with us, if she's hot, she's hot. Of course, if she has a shit personality, which does happen sometimes with particularly attractive women, we can lose attraction for them. But basically our attraction is immediately felt within seconds of seeing her. And then it's pretty much solidified there and then little does it change over time. Of course, it does change once you start dating them, you can lose attraction for a girl who's an idiot very quickly, but usually it's, it's set in stone, right?

10:52 With girls, it's kind of like there, it's not there and it can grow over time. That's why too, oftentimes you guys will get a girl who seems down to hang out. And then the next day she'll flake on you or she's kind of on the fence. She's not really reacting to your text messages. I mean, there's all this that works into it. Also, women are very much validation seekers. So if you guys match with the chick on Tinder and you don't understand why she won't hang out with you, many times chicks go on Tinder in the dating apps just to get validation.

11:20 They just want to know that they are wanted and that alone is enough for them, right? Women are also designed to read right through you. And this is a big, gigantic principle of my coaching. So this is why body language and inner talk is so important. The way you talk to yourself is reflected in your body language and your body language communicates to her how you talk to yourself. Okay. 20% of guys get 80% of the women. Why is that? That's because 20% of the dudes have belief systems, mannerisms, body language that gets attraction from girls.

11:54 And since all girls are coded to become attracted to high value belief systems and positive self-affirming body language, 80% of the dudes are not communicating that. Only 20% of the dudes are. And if you look at a tribe, let's take a Native American tribe, you get 10 guys, two of those guys are going to be alpha, eight of those guys are going to be beta. And that works quite well anthropologically speaking. 20% of the guys are going to impregnate the largest number of women and the other guys are going to die off because their genes are not conducive to success.

12:33 So it's very much an anthropological Darwinian reality about how women's attraction works. So your job is to communicate those alpha traits, that alpha body language, those inner belief systems, which is communicated quite subtly to women and they are designed to pick up on it so that they can get attracted to you. Now, as we've discussed before, women's attraction is based on your ability to give her a child who will survive well in society. That is to say, women's attraction is based on your ability to give her an alpha child because an alpha has the highest chance of survival, doesn't he?

13:12 So I said in a previous podcast, her attraction for you is based on your ability to help her child survive. That's what I meant by that is that it's your ability to give her a child who will be alpha. So if you have good genes, if you're alpha in the leader of men, you have a high chance of being successful and therefore your kid also has a high chance of being successful as well. Another thing that's extremely important for attraction is your communication of your testosterone levels.

13:43 Women can actually look at you and see what your testosterone levels are by certain things like the glow of your skin, facial hair, musculature, the amount of body fat that you have. And by the way, if you have high body fat, that also means that you have high estrogen. Low body fat with high muscle means high testosterone. The way you hold yourself. If you're smiling all the time and you're looking for validation from people, that shows low testosterone. If you're sometimes smiling and sometimes have like a kind of a serious masculine look on your face, that shows high testosterone.

14:23 So women are designed to pick up once again on these alpha traits and testosterone traits. Now, here's a good thing is that you can increase your testosterone. You can improve your body language. You can become that 20% of dudes that gets 80% of the women by working on these things. Another important concept, and I mentioned it briefly before, is that attraction is built in space. So you always want to leave women wanting more. Women are very much like cats in this way. You give them a little bit.

14:53 Like if you give a cat like really epic scratches, right? You just like lay on like five epic scratches, just real slow, perfect, right under the chin there, a couple over the ear, right down the head. And right when she starts purring, you walk away. That cat is going to chase you down. She's going to be rubbing on your leg. She's going to be purring. Well, it's the same thing with women. You give her a really good experience, almost like she's your sidekick and you tuck her under your wing.

15:21 You give her this really good time and then boom, you walk away and you're unavailable for like a week or you're unavailable for several days. And then when you hit her up again, she's going to be like, oh yeah, I definitely want to hang out. What guys do wrong is they give her too much. They get too invested. They give her too much time. If you sit there with a cat and you sit there scratching it and scratching and scratching, it'll purr for a little while.

15:43 And then eventually it's going to get up and go like, dude, fuck you. I'm out of here. Okay. So what I want you guys to do is focus on getting good with women in general. Many guys just focus on one girl. They say, oh, I want this one girl. Or finally, I met this girl at my work that I'm interested in and she's willing to go on a date with me. Then you guys start dating and you're just like totally focused on her. You make her your first priority.

16:07 It's very clear to her that you only have eyes for her. She is going to blow you out so hard that your pants are going to fly off when the concussion hits. Women have to know that they are not your first priority. Women have to know that you have other things going on, that there's other things more important to you. Once again, attraction is built on the level of emotion, not rationale. Rationally, a woman might say that she wants her to be your first priority, but emotionally that kills attraction.

16:33 Okay. So women cannot become attracted to you unless you do two things. First of all, you have a stronger frame than she does. Okay. I'm going to get into frame control on a different podcast episode, but it's important to understand that she cannot become attracted to you unless you have a stronger frame than she does. Quick introduction to frame is your interpretation of reality must be stronger than hers. Once again, this warrants an entire episode. I'm going to get into that in a while, but just keep that in mind.

17:02 Okay. You have to have a stronger frame than she does. Secondly, you are higher value than she is. In other words, you are equal to or one step up in the pecking order. Fortunately, we can seriously ramp up our value with self-work, changing our belief systems, showing things like pre-selection, which is another important part of female psychology. If you haven't listened to my episode about pre-selection yet, I strongly suggest that one. It's 10X your attractiveness with pre-selection. So women are attracted to men who already have women in their lives.

17:38 But once again, you have to show that you are higher value than she is. Now, this doesn't mean you make more money. It doesn't mean you have better clothes. It doesn't mean that you even have more popularity than she does in the nightclub. That is shown through your communication. And another podcast episode I strongly suggest is how to masterfully take social pressure because we can communicate to women that we have a higher value than she does just by our ability to better take social pressure than she does.

18:10 Okay. So those are two things. You have a stronger frame and you're a higher value. Okay. As I always say, women don't want to be in control. You need to lead women to where they want to be led. You have to be a detective, pick up on what they want and lead them to that. With Marissa, right? As I discussed earlier, she likes those stupid flowers. So I lead it. I get her flowers when I want to get them for her. I tell her stories about like what my mom said about her or whatever.

18:38 When I can tell, it'll have the most impact. All right. Shifting gears slightly. Have you ever been in a situation where you hung out with like a cool guy? He had a cool car. Maybe he was in high school or maybe he was your brother or something like that. And he was just this like cool dude who you really liked hanging out with. You guys would listen to music. Maybe you go cruise the strip, go through the drive-thru and get some food and talk about girls and life.

19:04 And he was kind of like a mentor to you. It's important that you give women that same feeling. Okay. If you can give women that same feeling that you had when you hung out with this cool guy, she will definitely get attracted to you. All right. One further point in this section is women are very aware of their reputation and their social standing. So this is the reason for their slut defense. But the best way to get around the slut defense is to go on the level of emotion.

19:35 Once again, women act on their emotions and rationalize it later. So one of the ways to sleep with the woman far faster than what she's rationally prepared to do is to make it emotional. You got to blame it on fate, on attraction. It just happened. And we are victims of the chemistry at the moment. That's why I suggest to my clients that when sex is about to go down and when it may seem to be a little bit earlier than what you fear she might be comfortable with rationally, you have to kind of make an excuse for her so that she can rationalize it to her slut defense both during and after you guys have sex.

20:14 So it's kind of like, whoa, this is really like, this is really getting crazy. The chemistry is just on. Wow. We're really attracted to each other. And it's almost like you try to fight it in a way and then it just happens. And this is how to overcome last minute resistance, also known as LMR, which I'm going to do a podcast on. But that's one quick tip, right? Is you have to rationalize to her that she acting on her emotions overcame the rationale of not being a slut.

20:40 And then you make an excuse for her in a way. So we'll talk about that more in a future podcast. All right. Why guys get blown out and relationship dynamic. Okay. So you might be surprised to know that men actually fall in love with women faster than the other way around. When first started starting to date a woman, sometimes she's going to try to push you into a relationship with her. But for most women, she's just having fun. She's just exploring. She's just checking it out.

21:07 It's like going and getting an appetizer dish where you get samples of all the appetizers. Well, women will often do that with men. Oftentimes, they'll be dating more than one guy at a time. They're just sampling. They're just checking it out. And meanwhile, guys will often try to pull her into the outcome. So if you can just be the coolest, most chill, most non-pressure dude on that appetizer plate and, in fact, make her one of your appetizer plates and you guys are just appetizing each other, then she's going to get really attracted to you.

21:37 The less you try to pull a woman into a relationship-y type outcome, the faster she's going to want to go there. It's totally counterintuitive, but that's how it works. So, for example, many guys will have sex with a woman for the first time and then touch her in a relationship-y kind of way, right? Like spoon with her and sit there gently kissing the back of her neck. And this is like the first time you've had sex with her. Dude, if you do that, if you get relationship-y with her too quickly, she is going to lose attraction for you really fast because women are designed to weed out for guys who are trying to pull her into a relationship outcome faster than when she's ready.

22:18 Never, ever, ever do you want to ask a girl to be your girlfriend before she asks you if you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend. So every time that I wanted to make a girl my girlfriend, and it happened with Marissa too, I would wait. I wouldn't say shit. In fact, I would treat her a little bit like I treat every other girl, which is keep her at arm's length, don't get too relationship-y, don't compliment too much, just kind of treat her like we're just sampling it up.

22:49 And then eventually, you get that conversation, right? Where you guys are sitting on the couch, she's looking down at her knee, and she's kind of scratching her knee, and she says, so what are we? Right? The old what are we talk, bro. If you say what are we before she does, you're done. You just pissed attraction out the window. Wait for her to say it. Now that begs the question, how long does it typically take? Typically takes about two to three months. So if you're dating a girl, you're doing all the right things, it can be quicker than that.

23:21 Women have different settings where that's concerned, just like they have different settings on how quick they're willing to have sex with a guy. Women have different settings on usually how fast they want to get relationship-y with the dude. But if you, again, the big thing here is this. If you bring it up, if you start acting that way, if you touch her in a way that is like boyfriend and girlfriend-ish, she is going to lose attraction for you right quick. Quick story of this. This one weekend, I went into the woods, and we stayed at a cabin, and there was a bunch of random people there.

23:50 Well, there was this one dude and this one chick, and when we walked in, they were kind of like cuddling on the couch, and he had his arm over the back of her head, like kind of around her shoulder, and he was like scratching her arm real softly as we walked in. So as the day went on, we found out that they had just met like two days ago, and I immediately went to my friend. I was like, dude, she's going to blow him out. Before this trip ends, he's done.

24:15 Sure enough, dude, by that night, she was getting distance from him. She was ignoring him. I didn't see it, but I can only guess that he's like, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong, or what's up with you? And she's just like, in her mind, she's like, dude, get the fuck away from me. You're acting too relationshipy. And what happened is my friend, who we went there with, actually landed her number, and they started dating after that. And I told my friend, I'm like, look, this is a perfect example of what happens when you get too relationshipy too fast with a chick.

24:45 So my advice is, when you date a girl, keep her at arm's length. She is going to bring it up. Women cannot last as long as we can, because once again, their emotions are very, very powerful. So wait and wait and wait. Then she brings it up. Then your job as the man is to ask her. Okay. So she says, so what are we? It's been three months. You decide, okay, I want to date this chick exclusively. Then you say, hey, let me think about it.

25:13 If I think that we should be together, I'll ask you. Okay. Let me handle it. And she'll be like, okay. Then what I always do is like, I'll make it into some kind of fun event for her. Like I'll give her a note that says, will you be my girlfriend? Check. Yes. Check. No. And then I'll have an arrow pointing to the no box that says, don't pick this one. And what I'll do is I'll make like maybe a fun little treasure hunt. Like I'll first have her go into the kitchen and she finds this and that gives her a clue to go downstairs.

25:41 And then behind the bedroom door downstairs, there's a note taped to it with a pencil. Then she gets it. And then it's like, hey, will you be my girlfriend? Yes or no, dude. I've done that with a number of different girls and they absolutely love it. But once again, it's when she's already asking for it. It's when she's feeling uncertain. And frankly, personally, dude, I think it takes three months to get to know somebody. In fact, I think it takes three years to really get to know somebody.

26:05 Now, if you make a chick wait three years, she'll probably just leave you because she thinks you're not serious. So there is something to be said about committing when the time is right to commit. Once again, I think three months is about right. All right, guys, that's it for this podcast. I do appreciate you listening. If you have any questions, thoughts, comments, concerns, you can email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening and I will see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.