Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and what to do about it)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. If this is your first time listening or if you're new to the show, welcome. What I try to do is give the best information in the most succinct way possible in 20-minute, easily digestible episodes. And if you've been writing with me for a long time, you know what to do.

0:36 That's right. Smack yourself on the ass. You are a champion. Thank you for tuning in again. I really do appreciate it. And if you're one of the few champions who left me a review, songs will be written about you that will be sung around campfires for generations to come. And Vikings will drink beers that are named after you before they go to battle. You are a goddamn champion, brother. And I really do appreciate it. So in this episode, we are going to talk about why nice guys finish last.

1:09 Why is it that when you're a nice, genuine, friendly dude who just wants to be helpful, who has a genuine desire to be a good guy, why do you always get kicked in the nuts and why do people always reject you and why do girls use you? Why the hell does that happen? It seems like there's tons of injustice in this world when that happens to you as it did happen to me. And in this episode, I'm going to go over a few principles, important principles that I've discussed before in this podcast.

1:37 But a lot of you guys are new listeners. And the reason you're new listeners is because you came from that champions podcast, Trip Kramer's How to Talk to Girls. Man, I went on his podcast last week and holy shit, dude, I got a huge spike of downloads, got tons of new listeners. So if you're one of those guys, what I'm going to do here is review for you some of the fundamental principles of my coaching. Maybe you haven't listened to all my podcasts yet, but a lot of the things that I'm going to talk about, I have talked about before.

2:07 So if you're one of my loyal listeners, just hang in there with me, brother. Sometimes you need to hear things a few times before it really sticks. And the all-important concept of frame control is one of those things I'm going to go over today. And it's so damn important that you need to hear it more than once. I want you guys to be experts on this because when you understand this, you can be a nice guy and still finish first. Just like I'm a nice guy and I finish first.

2:32 But the difference is I'm not to be fucked with. And that's what I'm going to teach you. How to be an unapologetic man but still be a nice guy. That's the balance we want to get. So that's what we're going to talk about in this episode. And by the way, if you are a new listener and you've been going through my content, binge listening, as some of you are telling me you're doing, and you find value in it, I'd very much appreciate a review. You know, I'm trying to grow this podcast, trying to get more people to find it.

2:57 And the best way you can help me, the best way you can reciprocate some of the effort that I'm putting into you is to leave me a review. And if it's not on iTunes, that's fine. You can do it anywhere where you happen to be listening to this podcast on or maybe subscribe or even tell a friend about it. That's the single best way you can help me out. And if you do something like that, email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com. And blow, I will send you my awesome program, The Conversation Sniper, 150 Deadly One-Liners to Attract Women.

3:28 One of the lines I said earlier, the campfire one is in there. Kind of lines like that. Lots of lines like that. Also, a guide to the female orgasm and three texts to build massive attraction in women. Once again, leave me a review, email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com. You can also contact me through my website. Those links as well as my email address are in the description below. So if you do that, go ahead and hit me up. Don't forget to hit me up too.

3:50 Sometimes you guys leave reviews and you don't hit me up. And I would love to share the love with you by giving you those awesome programs. All right, without further ado, let's jump into the content. So nice guys, they finished last. And this probably happens to you or it happened to you if you clicked on this or maybe it doesn't. But I want to prevent it from happening to you in the future by telling you basically why this is. Okay, so first and foremost, the all-important concept of frame control.

4:17 If you've listened to my content for any duration, you know that I believe this is the most critical thing to have when attracting a woman. Okay, so frame control basically means, in a nutshell, is that you're leading the conversation. You're guiding the woman. You're leading her to where she wants to be led. So a frame is basically the interpreted meaning of the interaction. And if you have a stronger frame than she does, she's going to buy into your frame and you're going to lead her down the road of where she wants to be led to.

4:51 If you haven't heard my episodes on frame control, what I suggest is you type in my name, Mark Singh, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G, then frame control. And there's an episode specifically dedicated to this. If you haven't heard it, it's kind of a nebulous, difficult thing to explain, but I do really well in that episode, which was filmed like, I don't know, five months ago. I would go check that out after this. But the basic principle of frame control is that you're leading her, right? You're controlling the conversation. It's more of a dynamic of like a coach and a little girl on the soccer team.

5:25 Now, one quick thing is that this is represented in your tonality. So when you have a supplicatory tonality, which is a real common thing that nice guys experience, your voice goes up at the end. How are you doing today? Right? It goes up at the end. Whereas when you have an authoritative tonality, which is a central tenet of frame control, your voice goes down at the end. Hey, how are you doing today? Right? It goes down at the end. Think about a cop pulling you over.

5:53 He doesn't say, license and registration, please. He says, license and registration, please. So when we talk to women, we always want to have that downward inflection. The downward inflection communicates authority, therefore communicates you have a stronger frame than she does. And here's the point, my dude. She cannot get attracted to you unless you have a stronger frame than she does. Once again, she cannot get attracted to you unless you have a stronger frame than she does. And that's communicated many different ways. One of the ways is with your tonality.

6:21 So once again, if you're new to this podcast, boom, tonality. Put that in your back pocket. When you're talking to girls, I literally want you to picture her as like a 12-year-old girl on your soccer team. You're the soccer coach. You're telling her to go get the balls. Like, hey, Kelly, go ahead and grab those balls and bring them over here. It's not like, hey, Kelly, can you get the balls and bring them over here? Thanks. Right? Like that. And that's like the nice guy. That's what the nice guy does.

6:44 And we can all picture that in our head. Well, as you're getting better with women, as you're starting to understand these fundamental concepts that we teach for how to attract women, frame control is the most important thing. Please check that out if you haven't. I also, afterwards, in other subsequent episodes, I talk about frame control reversals, misinterpretation, reframing, agree and amplify, and ignoring. So freaking important. So fun to teach. I wish I could talk about it on every episode. But I got to bring you guys the fresh content.

7:16 So I'm not allowed to talk about it that much. But I absolutely love that stuff. So please check that out. So nice guys, what they do is they give away the frame. Now, why do they give away the frame? It's because we're taught from an early age that when you give people what they want, quote unquote, you make them happy. So nice guys, when they deal with a woman, they want to make her like them by doing what we were taught since kids, which is to basically do her favors, make her the leader, give her what she wants.

7:47 Compliment her, basically give her your balls in a nice little knapsack. Why is that? It's because, again, we have the unconscious belief that when we give people what they want, when we give them control, they will like us. But here's the thing, and I just explained this, is that a woman cannot become attracted to you unless you have a stronger frame than she does. So you can be a nice guy, but the problem is is that nice guys will often just give away their power. They give away the frame.

8:13 They give away their balls in that nice little knapsack. Give all the power to her, and then she loses respect for them. So one of the things that women commonly do, and this is almost unanimous throughout all cultures, all women, doesn't matter what age she is, doesn't matter if she's in high school or she's a 65-year-old woman, what women are going to do is they're going to test your frame. Okay? And they test your frame by doing several different things. First of all, and most importantly for this episode, is they ask you for little favors.

8:42 Hey, Brian, can you go get me a napkin from the bar? Hey, Adam, I'm moving next weekend. Would you be able to help me move? Okay, so what does the nice guy do? He says, oh, definitely. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I have a truck, and I'll be there. How's 8 o'clock sound for you? Now, in his head, and God bless the guy, and if you're this dude, bro, smack yourself on the ass. You're a fucking good dude. You have a good heart. Like, I'm not holding against you.

9:05 But what's happening is, is that when you do her the favor, she loses respect for you. Isn't that messed up? Like, you try to help the chick, genuinely help her, and then she loses respect for you. It's kind of messed up. But women are programmed this way because the nice guy, the low-value guy, the guy who, in essence, is going to have a more difficult time surviving in society. And that's what attraction is based on. It's your ability to be the man, to survive in society, to be successful, to preside over her, protect her, and provide for her the way a man should.

9:39 Well, a guy who gives away his power and just does favors for people shows that he has a weak sense of reality, shows that he's easily pushed around, shows that he's a doormat, and women lose attraction for him. So honestly, man, she doesn't even want the napkin from the bar. She doesn't really want you to help her move. And especially if she has some attraction for you, she wants you to pass that test. So how do you pass it? Well, you guys who have been listening for a long time, you better get this one right because this is a core central tenet of my teaching.

10:10 It's called requests. So she asks you for a favor, and your job is to make her do a little favor for you first. Okay? So for example, with the napkin thing. Happens to me all the time. I'm talking to chicks in the bars and the nightclubs, and they ask me to go get them a straw or a napkin or buy them a drink or some shit. And most nice guys say, like, yeah, yeah, I'll do that for you because they think, again, they're going to earn her favor by doing a favor for her.

10:33 But it's fucked up because it just makes her lose respect for you. So again, what you do is you make her do a favor for you first. And I always make it so it's fun for her. It's not like a real favor, but it's like a compliance test is what it is, is you make her jump through a hoop. Okay, so what I always do is I make her make a donkey noise. I'll be like, yeah, I'll go get the napkin for you if you make a donkey noise.

10:54 And she'll be like, what? What are you talking about? I'll be like, come on, make a donkey noise. Let's hear your best freaking sea donkey that you can do. And she'll be like, oh my God. She'll be like, yee-haw. And I'll laugh. And I'll be like, oh my God, that tells me everything I need to know about you. All right, Kelly, stay right here. I'll go get you your napkin. Okay, so what happened there? What happened is I showed her that my favor must be earned.

11:15 I'm still a nice guy, but my favor must be earned. I'm not to be fucked with. I'm not going to be your lapdog and go just run around and do whatever you tell me. I am going to make you earn that favor and I'm going to make it fun for you, which is a big part of attraction. So when I make her make a donkey noise, or as a lot of you guys know, I'll make girls ask me in an Australian accent to go get her a napkin from the bar.

11:37 And then I'll say right away, ma'am, like a boomerang. I'll be right back to you. Sorry, Australians. I know my Australian accent is shit. All you guys tell me every time an Australian client hires me, he always says to me, man, your Australian accent is so bad. And I'm like, yeah, sounds pretty good to me and my American friend. So whatever. But anyway, so I always make them ask me in an accent, make them make a donkey noise, make them spin like a ballerina, maybe make them watch my phone while I go talk to my friend.

12:06 And then I'll come back and maybe perhaps buy them a drink. Do that compliance test for me because my favor must be earned. So when girls ask you for favors and you fall into this nice guy trap, what you need to do from now on is know that, look, my favor must be earned. I'm not going to be a lap dog. I'm not going to be a floor mat. I'm not going to just do what girls ask me. I'm going to get something in return. Going back to the moving example.

12:32 A lot of girls ask guys to help them move. Well, what I would do is be like, yeah, I'll help you move if you take me to like two nice dinners. Right. Two steak dinners. And one of them's got to be a Morton steakhouse because moving is a lot of work. Moving is a lot of work. By the way, guys, I set a goal for daily downloads. And because I went on Trip Kramer's podcast and freaking my downloads exploded, I got my goal reached. And I told Marissa, I said, when I hit this number of downloads, will you take me to Morton steakhouse?

13:01 And she said, definitely. So she's taking me to Morton's, guys. So I got to thank you so much. We're going to Morton's in Denver and next weekend. So I really appreciate all the downloads, all the love, all the reviews. This podcast is exploding and growing like a weed. And it's because of all you. So thank you so much. I'm getting myself a steak dinner. Hell yeah. So stoked. All right. So another thing girls do is they'll be an asshole to you. They'll say mean things to you.

13:27 And this is called a frame check. So remember, it's called frame control. And girls are going to check your frame. So they're going to say very mean things to you. And I go over this in my frame control podcast, as well as the few podcasts that come after it. It's like how to do frame control reversals and things like that. But I'll just tell you one that I typically use. And you guys should steal this. So when she says something mean to you, like, oh, my God, why are you wearing that shirt?

13:54 Or why are you talking to us? Or whatever it may be. Misinterpretation is a big way to pass her frame check and get her more attracted to you. Now, what does the nice guy do? The nice guy explains himself. Here's a golden principle that I want you to freaking tattoo on your forehead. Never, under any circumstance, explain yourself to a woman. Explain yourself to her as if you're trying to justify yourself to her. Sell yourself to her. Qualify yourself to her, right? Like, oh, I'm a great guy.

14:27 I make this much money. I'm great in bed. I'm a great kisser. I treat you so well, right? You hear that all the time. Oh, my God, girl. I treat you so well. I treat you so much better than he does. Never, ever do that, okay? Golden principle. From now on, you will never do that again. But when a girl tries to challenge you and says something mean to you or get you to explain yourself to her, you have to turn it around on her in certain ways.

14:52 Like I said, I have agree and amplify, misinterpretation, reframing, and ignoring. This one, I want to talk about misinterpretation. So oftentimes, I'll go to the bars and the nightclubs, and girls will ask me, why are you wearing XYZ? Now, sometimes I wear earrings. They're like black studded earrings. And I do that because here in Denver, Colorado, girls are kind of anti that look. They like more like the, I guess, the country western cowboy look. So they don't really like the earrings. And a lot of girls will talk shit about it.

15:19 Well, I want that to happen. Because when a girl checks my frame, and I pass it, I'm showing her that I have a strong frame, that I'm an alpha male, I'm an unapologetic man, and she gets attracted to me. So if she's like, why are you wearing those earrings? Or why are you wearing that shirt? Or why are you wearing those pants? I'll always say, look, I know you're trying to get me undressed right now, but this isn't the time or the place for that. Relax.

15:44 So I'll always misinterpret what she says. If she asks me a question like, who are you here with? Like, are you going to leave? Like, why don't you leave right now? Or leave us alone? I'll be like, look, I know you're trying to leave with me right now, but we just met. Like, we're just getting to know each other. So slow down there, Casanova. You know, you're going a little bit too fast. So you misinterpret what she says. And in so doing, you're going back to that soccer coach on the soccer team, right?

16:10 Is that your frame is so strong. Your belief in yourself is so steadfast that even when she says something bitchy to you, you're so not used to being challenged in that way that you would never explain yourself to somebody. See, the nice guy explains himself to people. The guy who's not to be fucked with flips it on the person. And on that note, let me share with you my favorite, if you haven't heard this yet, reframe, which is the real question is. So when she asks you, why don't you have a girlfriend?

16:38 You say the real question is, why don't you have a boyfriend? It's probably because you're a bad kisser, huh? You see how this works, guys? Like, if she ever questions you, you fucking flip it on her. It's about her. Because why? Because you're controlling the frame. See, a nice guy would be like, well, the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm very picky and I just haven't met the right girl yet. You know, I'm looking for a girl who has great morals and is really pretty.

17:00 That's bullshit. You don't want to explain yourself to these chicks. When they challenge you, particularly when they're like a dick to you and they challenge you, you flip it on them. And when you flip it on them, I'm telling you, attraction comes just that fast. Like, they'll get really attracted to you. So the reason the nice guy finishes last is because the nice guy, quote unquote, gives away his power. He gives away his pride. He gives away his integrity. He gives away his right to be a human being who has just as much right as everybody else to be here in order for other people to like him.

17:34 What is that? That's weakness. And what is weakness? It comes off as feminine. He's being feminine. See, the feminine energy. And let me make this very abundantly clear. There's nothing wrong with feminine energy. There's amazing things about femininity. Don't even get me started. If you want to see what my exact thoughts on women are, check out my podcast I did about three weeks ago, which is my exact thoughts about women. And you'll find out what I think of women. I think they're fucking amazing. But femininity wants to be validated.

18:03 It wants to be accepted. And it will give away sometimes some of its power in order to do that. So when you give away your power, you're basically showing women that you're stepping into the feminine role. And when you're in the feminine role, what does that put her in? That's right. The masculine role. So what guys do who are nice guys is they basically take on the feminine role, put her in the masculine role, which completely turns her off because she wants to be in her feminine role to get turned on by you.

18:31 And then all attraction is basically killed. And this is why nice guys finish last is because they're putting themselves in this supplicatory beta position, giving her the reins. She doesn't want the reins. She wants to be led to where she wants to be led to. She wants to be handled as a woman told me once. She's like, I like the way you handle me. Right? And what does that mean? It means I'm leading her onto a great adventure. She can relax and sit back and trust in my masculinity to give her a great experience, to give her smashing orgasms and great lessons about life and great adventures and make her feel protected.

19:09 And then she goes into her feminine role and she nurtures me and we have great sex because there's a great energy polarity. But the second you give away your power, the second you give away your power trying to be a nice guy, that's when you flip into the feminine role. It puts other people, particularly women, in the masculine role and all attraction is killed. The best way to get a woman attracted to you, again, is to get into your masculine energy, lead her, be unapologetic, and yes, even sometimes be disagreeable.

19:41 So the nice guy is always agreeable. Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. Always agreeing with everybody. Doesn't want confrontation. Why? Because he's afraid. Is fear a masculine energy? Fuck no. Testosterone is the opposite of fear. If you're ever scared, you know the best way to get yourself fearless? Get highly, highly in your testosterone. Do some push-ups. Listen to some hardcore music. Watch the fucking battle scene in the movie 300 where the 300 Spartans are going against the Persian army. That'll get you high in your testosterone.

20:14 Suddenly fear is eliminated and you're a fucking man without making any apologies for it. So sometimes you need to be disagreeable. Brother, if somebody says something or does something you don't agree with, don't be a little punk. Be okay to speak up about it. Hey, bro, I disagree with what you're doing here. Hey, why are you doing this? The ability to be confrontational. Yes, even with women is a very attractive trait. Now, I say that with a caveat. With women particularly, and with men too, in all aspects of life, you never, ever want negative energy or emotional energy coming into your interactions.

20:53 Okay, so if a woman says something to you, let's say, I don't know, you're a Trump supporter and she supports Biden or flip that. You're a Biden guy and she likes Trump and she's taking stabs at you because of it. If you get emotional, what is emotional? That's right. Emotional is feminine. Okay, you see how this is working? If you get emotional and try to argue with her with anger, it's going to totally put her off. So everything that I'm teaching here comes from the masculine, solid, ensconced, on your inner balance point position.

21:23 So if you're a Trump supporter and she's a Biden supporter or flip that, vice versa, whatever you are, and she attacks you for it and you're totally cool, calm, and collected, but you still disagree with her and say, you know what? I see it's really important to you to feel like Biden is the best guy. So if you want to believe that, you can. I mean, I disagree with it, but you can totally believe that. That's fine. That's what a fucking man does, and that's extremely attractive to her.

21:47 I have had some of the best sex in my life with the girl I haven't had sex yet with where I disagreed with her in the right way without negative energy going into the interaction, and she got massively turned on by me. Why? It's because the man, the masculine presence, isn't afraid to be who he is. He's unapologetic about his belief system, and he doesn't get butt hurt when other people disagree with him. He doesn't get, like, road rage. He isn't thrown to and fro by the outside circumstances of his life.

22:18 He's on his inner balance point. He's very centered. He's very calm, and I'm going to tell you this. That is a true nice guy because when you're centered in yourself, that's when you can be truly compassionate to others. That's when you can truly be nice to others, and they'll know that you're not to be fucked with, so your niceness isn't coming from a place of manipulation. It's coming from a place of genuine concern. You see how that works? The nice guy, the most disgusting thing about the nice guy, he is the master manipulator.

22:49 He is using his niceness to try to get what he wants. So the nice guy is unattractive across all areas, and this is why, too, other men take advantage of the nice guy because it's a weak beta cuck mentality to come from. It's a weak frame, and nobody respects it. So can you be nice? Yes, absolutely. But I want you to be disagreeably nice, which means you're cool to people until they disrespect you, right? You give respect up front because that's what you do to other human beings, but the second that respect is dealt with with disrespect, you're like, listen, this isn't cool.

23:26 I'm not to be fucked with. When you live this way, you are an unapologetic man who's actually helpful to society because you're putting your best self out there, your genuine self out there. People always know what they're going to get with you. You control the frame on not only women, but you also become the alpha male that other males follow. And I'll tell you, when other males follow you, the women will follow as well. Then you step into your true essence of alpha masculinity. You're no longer apologetic for it.

23:56 You're no longer giving away your power in order for people to like you, but people are actually going to like you more because they respect you. So if you're a nice guy and you're getting these bad results, I want you to think about what I just talked about. And definitely, if you haven't yet listened to that episode about frame control, so important. In fact, it's the most important thing about attracting women. And I'll say it's the most important thing about life too is because we're social creatures and those who control the frame control the conversation.

24:28 They make more money, more people like them, more people respect them. They ascend in power positions. People who control the frame get whatever they want in life. And they're the most likable people because they're real and they're unapologetic for it. All right, guys, I thank you very much for listening. If you found value in this podcast, I'd appreciate a couple things. First of which, please go listen to a few more, particularly that frame control one if you haven't heard it yet. And also, if you could leave me a review, I'd very much appreciate it.

24:56 Like I said, reviews are the way that I rank this thing. It's the way that other guys, other champions like you find it. So if you can help me out with that, I'd very, very much appreciate it. Email me and I'll send you a bunch of cool shit. All right, I will see you guys on Friday. I have another really good one coming. So please tune back in. And in the meantime, be unapologetic. Control the frame. Don't be a nice guy and give away your power.

25:22 But be a nice guy who shelters people through the confidence of his own masculinity. I'll see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.