10 Horrible Mistakes 99% of Guys Make on the 1st Date

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me today. For those of you who are in the United States, I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving would have been yesterday when this drops, but I'm actually recording this the night before Thanksgiving. Why? Because Thursday night, I'm going to be in a food coma.

0:37 I am going to be way too out of it to film a podcast, and then on Friday, I am going up into the wilderness to check to see if my wiki up is still there. Some of you may know that I built this awesome wiki up. It's like a teepee, a Native American style teepee made of pine trees and pine. It's got a door. It's got beds inside. And dude, you know those fires that we had in Colorado? One of the fires came within one mile of my wiki up.

1:08 Man, I was watching those fire maps every day, and I was like, oh my lord, please don't burn down my wiki up. I've put so much work into that camp. I love that place so much. It's literally my favorite place in Colorado, and in my will, which I just wrote because I just had a baby daughter, so you need to do these things to be a responsible adult. In my will, I said, when I die, I want my brother to shoot me out of a cannon on the climactic stanza of my favorite song of all time, Date with Destiny by Pennywise.

1:39 Shoot me out of a fucking cannon where my wiki up is, and then in my will, this is literally in my will, I said in parentheses, make sure to shoot me downwind because I'm going to be ashes, and we do not want all my ashes to blow into my family's face. So that's what's going to happen, man. When I die, I'm going to donate all my organs because God knows some motherfucker's going to be lucky to have this heart beaten in his chest, and then they're going to cremate my ass and shoot me out of a cannon over at my wiki up camp, which thankfully didn't burn down.

2:08 So on Friday, I'm going up in there. I'm going to check it out, see if the Forest Service may have found it and taken it down since the fire got so close to it. I'm praying it's still up, man. I'll be devastated if they took it down, but you know what? That's life. All things are impermanent, and even if they did take it down, well, I'll just build another one. That's what I'll do because that's what we do as masculine men. One other thing I wanted to mention is Marissa, my girlfriend, is upstairs in the kitchen, which is conveniently located right above my office and recording studio.

2:39 So if you hear any pans banging or shit going down, that's because Marissa is making me an upside-down apple turnover cinnamon roll cake, which I am going to decimate tomorrow at Thanksgiving. So I sent her this Instagram post of this upside-down apple cake, and I was like, little girl, you are making this. Get your little apron on that says Netflix and grill. Slap the dough in the oven and slap me upside the head with this goddamn upside-down apple turnover that I am going to annihilate tomorrow.

3:11 And she ran out of yeast. So I just went all over the damn place looking for yeast. God, you motherfuckers like to cook on Thanksgiving. Jesus, wouldn't even believe this, man. There was no yeast, so I had to go to three different supermarkets. But I finally found it, and now she's up there baking that delicious cinnamon roll. Oh, my God, I cannot wait until tomorrow, boys. I've been good for two weeks. My diet has been pinned. And that's what you got to do, man. Everything in balance.

3:37 When you've been pinned for a while, you can let yourself enjoy a cheat meal. And I am certainly looking forward to that. But today's episode is all about 10 things not to do on the first date. On Wednesday, I dropped my first date blueprint. And halfway through, I realized that I wasn't going to have enough time to cover all the excellent points that I wanted to make in that podcast. So as promised, I'm dropping part two here today. And this is going to be mostly focused on the stuff that you shouldn't do.

4:07 But I realized a few things that I neglected to mention in that first episode. So here's what you can do. If you haven't heard that episode yet, maybe you should turn this off and go listen to it. Or you can just listen to this first and then jump back to it. But essentially, what I talked about is the protocol you want to run with these girls when you're taking them on a date. I gave a lot of really good information. So certainly listen to that if you haven't.

4:32 A few things I forgot to mention. First of all, the old question, should you pay? Yes, I believe you should pay for at least the dinner or the drinks. The first check that comes, you should pay. Now, one of the standards that I have, and I believe you guys should have this too, is she should at least pull out her wallet and make an attempt to pay as well. But you say, no, no, no, I got it. You know, I just think it's the masculine thing to do.

4:58 I think it's the gentlemanly thing to do. And if she reaches for a wallet, you just like, you know, say no. You can get the next thing if you want to. Then maybe later, you guys go to frozen yogurt, get some ice cream, maybe get some drinks later. She can pay for that and you can let her pay. Another thing I strongly suggest where it comes to money is to tip people well. And not only tip people well, but say you are at one of those frozen yogurt places.

5:26 What I would like to do is like give her a couple bucks and have her put it in the tip jar for me. It shows that you're a good tipper. Most girls see being a good tipper as a good quality and a man. So you want to see her do that. One thing that's funny to me, have you guys ever seen that Seinfeld episode where George Costanza tips the guy, but the guy had his back to him. He like turned his back to him at the moment he stuck the tip in the tip jar.

5:51 So George Costanza is like, oh shit, man, he didn't see me do it. I wanted to impress him and show him I appreciate him by tipping him. But he turned his back. Damn, what do I do? So he goes to like get it back out because he's going to get it back out. And then when the guy faces him, he's going to put it in so he sees it. So he reaches in and of course the guy turns around and catches him. He's like, hey, what are you doing?

6:12 And he's like, no, no. And it was this funny thing, man. Anyway, I always talk about that with girls and a lot of girls have seen Seinfeld. Some haven't, but it always makes for a good laugh. So I always talk about that. So getting into the what not to do during the first date, a lot of you guys, and this includes me, make a ton of mistakes on the first date. So I really want to go over that, get you guys dialed in so that you always earn a second date.

6:38 So what do you say? We jump right into it. All right. So first of all, I want to talk about movies. The old dinner and a movie date. I don't suggest that. Why is that? It's because you're really not interacting with her. And as a general principle, most girls studies say, and this has been pretty much my experience, average experience of average of all the girls who I've been with. It usually takes a girl, they say about 12 hours with you before she's going to have sex.

7:06 Now, one of the ways to hack the system and make her feel like she spent more time with you than she actually has is to A, engage with her and B, as I talk about in my previous podcast, you want to do as many things with her as you can. So as I spoke about in that previous episode, I'd go to sushi. Then I'd go to a costume shop. And then I'd go to a non-chain pet store, finally finishing it off with her coming over to my place.

7:33 So that's four different locations. Well, perceptively, when you've been in a lot of different situations with somebody, it actually feels like you've spent more time with them. So this is a way to radically cut down the amount of time you need to invest to get a girl to sleep with you. But when you're in a movie theater, you guys aren't really engaging with each other. And that two hours kind of feels like 15 minutes of time with each other. Sure, you can make out with her in the movie theater.

7:58 You guys can hold hands, smile at each other once in a while when something funny comes through. But ultimately, I don't suggest it because it's cliche. It doesn't really set up a good dynamic for you to build attraction. So that's one of the no-nos. God damn it, Marissa texting me. Do you want that apple turnover to be full of apples? Fuck yes, I do. Are you kidding me? Is there a mustache in Mexico? Of course, I want the apple turnover to be full of apples, little girl.

8:25 Come on. Run a tight battleship. Get that apple turnover dialed. All right, I put my shit on silent. All right, next, don't. Don't ask her if she's having a good time. God damn you guys. Listen to me. If you ask her, are you having a good time, Lucy? Are you really enjoying your time with me? Go ahead and hit yourself in the face so hard you fly upward through a skylight. Or if you're driving along, hit yourself in the face so hard that you shoot outward out of your sunroof and you get launched into the heavens and she's sitting there like, where the fuck did he go?

8:57 Never, ever, ever say that. Never say it. Are you having a good time? Assume attraction. Assume she's having a good time. Assume that you're running a great date and she's lucky to be there. Don't ever ask her that question. Also, don't ever look like you don't know what you're doing. God bless. Do not do that. This is why, and I'll say it again, the five P's, my bro. Prior, preparation, prevent, poor performance, bro-tato chip. This is what you need to pull off is you need to be sure of what you're doing.

9:30 Execute it like a champion. Run a tight battleship. Launch a fusillade of destruction and championhood off the starboard bow and let her know that you are not doubting yourself. Belief in yourself, self-assurance, following your own lead. This is the mark of a true silverback alpha champion. Don't ask her what she wants to do. What would you like to do next, Lucy? Whatever you want. Do you want to go to a ballet? Do you want to go to the flower shop? Fuck that. Fuck ballets. Fuck flower shops.

10:01 And fuck yeast, man. I had to go search everywhere for yeast. I hate that stuff. What is it? What the fuck is yeast anyway? Yeast? I thought that was something that grows down below. Framunda cheese, if you know what I'm talking about. Gross. But you guys don't ask her what to do next. What do you want to do now? Once again, you've practiced the five Ps. You execute it like the legend that you are. No doubt in your mind. Now that begs the question. What if she says, hey, can we do this thing instead?

10:29 Okay. So let's say in my case, and this would happen sometimes, we're at sushi. And she gets the great idea to go do miniature golf. Okay. What I would always do is I'd be like, you know what? That sounds really cool. Let's go ahead and do what was planned. And if the mood strikes, maybe we can do that too. So you're not necessarily saying no. You're not being stubborn. But at the same time, you are controlling the frame. You are letting her know like, hey, let's do what was planned.

10:57 And if the mood strikes, we can do that too. See how you're leading? But you're still leading her to where she wants to be led. So for example, let's say you guys are doing something. Again, going back to my costume store idea. As you're walking to the costume store, she's like, oh my God, this new frozen yogurt place opened up on Main Street. It's so good. It's right over there across the street. Let's go there. And you think to yourself, you know what? That's a good idea.

11:23 So you could say, yeah, let's do that. Come on, let's go. See how that works? Like it's her idea, but you're taking her there. So you can let a woman quote unquote lead, but really you're leading it because you're letting her lead it. And I talked about this on my podcast episode about the power of letting. You're letting her have her way. You're leading her to where she wants to be led. So dude, you can do lots of stuff that she wants to do. Just make sure it's on your terms.

11:50 And if you feel her suggestion is stupid, then you can just say, nah, let's do what was planned. And once again, if the mood strikes, that's what I'd always say. If the mood strikes, we can do that too. And I want to let you guys know you can see the idea for the second date. So it'd be like, ah, this time, you know, I don't, I don't think there's enough time for that. Like maybe some other time. Right. And what that does is it lays the seed for the second date.

12:13 Then perhaps as you guys are texting after you've had the first date, you could say, Hey, about that yogurt land idea or about that miniature golf idea. I think it sounds awesome. What are you doing this weekend? Like what's your weekend looking like? Okay. So that's how you execute. If she makes a suggestion, you can turn that into a second date idea, but make sure that you plan the first date. I cannot stress this enough. It's your job as the man to lead that shit. All right.

12:40 Women will frame check you like no tomorrow on the first date. They are going to challenge you in a myriad of different ways. One of which would be saying asshole things to you. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing that? Why are you wearing that? Why is your hair like that? Why do you still wear glasses when you could have contacts? Why do you lift weights the way you do? Is it because you're insecure about your height? Now, I would strongly suggest listening to my frame control episodes on how to deal with these questions.

13:09 But as a general principle, guys, please pay attention to this frame controls, my favorite thing ever, because in my opinion, it's the most important thing about seduction. The thing is, is that you have to be unaffected by her. You're not thrown off your internal state of balance. And there's certain ways to answer those questions that I talk about in my frame control episode. Quick review. Agree and amplify. She says something, let's say, really mean, like, what's with your style? It's really flashy. Are you gay or something?

13:38 Agree. Yes, I am gay. And amplify. I sucked 200 dicks yesterday. My jaw is so sore. Okay, so that's agree and amplify. You can also reframe it. If she asks you, so why don't you have a girlfriend? All my clients who are listening, you better know this one. You say the real question is, why don't you have a boyfriend? It's probably because you're a bad kisser, huh? Okay, so these are classic reframes. I suggest listening to the episode on frame control because a big reason a lot of you guys don't get second dates.

14:07 A big reason a lot of you guys get friend zoned is because you're not controlling the frame. And the general principle about frame control is this. She cannot get attracted to you unless you have a stronger frame than she does. She cannot become sexually turned on by you unless you have a stronger frame. And what is the frame? It basically means you're leading it, that you're so secure in your interpretation of reality. You're so secure in yourself that anything this little girl does, any test she throws at you, anytime she tries to get you off your inner balance point, you basically laugh it off and you do what I call reframing, misinterpret, agree and amplify or ignore.

14:47 All of those are taught in my frame control episode. Just search Mark Singh, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G, frame control, and it'll take you to it. I strongly suggest you listen to that. Anything with frame control in the title, boys, you have to listen to that. If I had literally four episodes to give you, it would probably be those four. And then I'd throw on the other 175 that I've recorded. Another basic principle, and I kind of mentioned this in the last one, but it bears repeating, is don't piss off the waiter.

15:17 Okay, don't be an asshole to the guy because he's going to blow you out so hard, your fucking mustache is going to blow off your face when the concussion hits. I have had waiters hate on me when I'm bringing in four to five different girls into the restaurant a week. Hot girls, I will say, and they get jealous. Peanut butter and jealous. So what you need to do is befriend them. Be cool to them. Tip them well. You ever stiff them with the tip, they're going to blow you out.

15:41 They're going to be like, hey, was that, you were in here yesterday, right? Were you with him? Wasn't it a blonde girl? They're going to do that shit. But I'm so cool with them that I'd give them like videos of picking up girls. I talk to them. I'd go over there on my free time when I wasn't on a date. Glad handle everybody. Tip them really well. Get in with the management. Because when you're going to the same place over and over again, which by the way is what I suggest, they're going to get peanut butter and jealous.

16:08 They're going to try to blow you out because you're a girl magnet and they're not. And there's literally no heterosexual guy out there that doesn't want to be girl magnet. He's going to get all pissed off. He's going to get all butthurt and try to piss in your river. He's going to walk up to your river, throw his leg up on a cottonwood branch and launch diarrhea all down your river. And you're going to be all blown out. He's probably going to do it with the hottest girl of the week too.

16:32 God knows those haters are pretty skillful with their hatred. All right. Wrapping this up. I wanted to give you one other first date idea that I had. So as I talked about, typically what I do, at least here in Colorado, is I would have the girl meet me at the sushi place that was across the street from my house. It was very easy. It got us in a location where I could yank her back to my house if I wanted to. But sometimes logistically speaking, we couldn't meet at that sushi place next to my house.

17:00 Maybe I met a girl in a different city. Maybe she just couldn't come up that way. Maybe she didn't even have a car. So in some instances, we would have to go elsewhere. I remember I was living in Fort Collins, Colorado, which is quite north in Colorado. And I was dating girls a lot from Boulder because I would meet them in Denver. I know I'm throwing a lot of random cities at you. But anytime I meet a girl in Boulder, I would always say that I'm going down there anyway.

17:24 Okay. So this is how you do it. If the chick can't meet you halfway, which is what I suggest, you always want to make it as if you're doing it anyway. Like, hey, I'm going to be in Boulder on Friday anyway. I got to pick up some equipment from my buddy, some motorcycle stuff, whatever. I'm over there for business, whatever your excuse is. But you need to make it clear that you're not driving an hour to go hang out with her. Why? Like I said, it looks try hard.

17:50 So instead, what you do is you make an excuse. I'm going to be there anyway for business. Then what I do is I'd pick her up. And in Boulder, I had the same exact date plan every single time I dated a girl in Boulder and it worked like gangbusters. So what I do is I would have date plans that took place in Denver. I had a date plan that took place in Fort Collins and a date plan that took place in Boulder. So no matter where she's from, I could execute like a legend depending on where that was.

18:18 Now in Boulder, Boulder is a very weird town. Fucking beautiful. But God bless America. There's a lot of granolas that live there. Soap Dodgers, hippies, Subaru dikes, all of them live up in that boulder, man. Everybody's shopping straight from the REI catalog. So anyway, I didn't choose to move there even though it's a beautiful city. The mountains over there are gorgeous. It's got a really nice river going through it. Great fly fishing. But Jesus, there are a lot of hippies up in that piece. So instead, I chose to live a little bit north in Fort Collins.

18:51 Now I live in a different place. So if any of you are going to send me a letter bomb or an envelope full of anthrax, I'm not going to tell you where I live, but generally in Northern Colorado. So I drive down to Boulder. If I wanted to, if she was hot enough, I'd make an excuse. Hey, got to meet my friend. Got to pick something up. I'm working down there anyway. Got to stop by Google. Google's actually out there. Whatever my excuse was. So I'd always take her to the same restaurant.

19:16 What was really cool is that there was a parking garage next to this restaurant. So we go to the restaurant. I always made sure it was happy hour. It was inexpensive. Like I talked about, I would always try to get out for 10, 15, at most 20 bucks on my dates. Call me cheap. I don't give a shit. I was doing four to five dates a week, bro. Like that adds up quick. But what I do is during the date, I would talk to her about country swing dancing.

19:42 Now, the cool thing about swing dancing is that it's in all states. On the West Coast, it's West Coast swing dancing. East Coast, it's East Coast swing dancing. And then in my situation in Colorado, it was country swing dancing. But I believe most of the moves are the same. Now, the cool thing about swing dancing, and if you guys haven't done it, I strongly suggest you either take classes or you get into a group who does this. Because it's an amazing way to meet girls, and this is how I'd execute the first kiss on the first date.

20:13 So during dinner, I'd tell her about how I'm into this country swing dancing. Sometimes they'd be into it too, which would be good, because they could already do it. Sometimes they wouldn't, which was also good, because then I could teach them, which is mentoring, which is a huge attraction building technique, you teaching her something. So after dinner, we would go up to the parking garage. I would make sure to park my 4Runner on the very top. And what we do is I would open up the trunk, and I'd play some country music, and I'd show her some country swing dancing.

20:44 Didn't give a shit if a couple cars were driving by. Most of the time when you park towards the top, nobody's there. So as I'm swing dancing with her, there's this one epic move where you dip her. So she's basically facing you, and you dip her down. And bro, I'm telling you, when you dip girls, when you're swing dancing, their eyes just go boom, like huge, man, just saucer plate eyes. They love that shit. If you can do it correctly, and then dude, I'd kiss her every time.

21:10 How many girls did I kiss in that exact parking garage at that exact parking spot with the exact same song? I can't even tell you, but it was awesome. It was a great thing I do. So your job to cap this off is to plan your date. Five Ps, prior preparation prevents poor performance. You are going to execute this awesome date. Use that gray matter between your two ears to plan this. And when you do, you are going to execute like a champ. All right, guys.

21:41 So that basically sums it up. There's still more to be said, which I mentioned in my one-on-one coaching. But most of that is going to help you guys out who want to get better dates, who want to land second dates and not get blown out as you have in the past. If you are interested in coaching, I do have a few spots open in December. Things kind of slow down during the holidays. So if you've been thinking about it, now is a better time than ever to jump in on my coaching.

22:08 You can also use it as a tax write-off, just so you know, is that this is coaching and it's basically investing in your education. And an education is a tax write-off, especially for you entrepreneurs or own your own business. I just spent 20 grand into a business coach. That's coming straight off of my business expenses as a tax write-off. So if you guys are smart, you'll write that off. If you want to get some coaching, hit me up at marksingcoaching.com. Once again, that's marksingcoaching.com. You can also click the link in the description below.

22:42 If you sign up now, anytime between now and the end of the year, well, anytime, let's say before, I don't know, like five days before Christmas, I will get you in before the end of the year. Worst case scenario, I'll get you in at the very beginning of the year. I am going to take the end of year off. I've decided not to do any podcasts right around Christmas and New Year's time. I'm just going to take one week off to give my voice a little bit of a rest.

23:06 But if you order within the next few weeks, I will get you in. Once again, that's marksingcoaching.com. I am an NLP dating coach. NLP is neurolinguistic programming. I go into that brain of yours and reprogram all the shitty programs you have, give you the beliefs of an alpha so you can behave like an alpha and attract girls due to your behavior. I also teach, as you found, the tactical aspect of attracting women and I'm pretty damn good at it. That's why I have all those amazing reviews and I do say I have a good reputation as well.

23:38 All right, boys. So that's it for me. Now that it's Friday, I wish you all nothing but a happy weekend. I am in the forest right now and hopefully I am looking at my wiki up that is standing and not burnt or taken down. I will be devastated if it is but once again, as masculine men, we don't dwell on what went wrong. We think about what could go right and I'll just build that motherfucker even better than it was the first time. All right, thanks again for listening and I will see you in the next episode.

24:21 We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.