How to Improve Your Vocal Tonality to Attract More Women and be an Alpha Male

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. And as we start this Monday, I know sometimes it kind of sucks to be on Monday again, but as men, we do what we have to do, not necessarily what we want to do. So I want to start this podcast by admitting to you that I, too, as your quote-unquote coach, as your fearless podcast host, I, too, am not perfect.

0:42 And Thanksgiving Day definitely demonstrated that. So I'm going to tell you a little personal story here, show you guys that I, too, need to work on myself. And also, life has a way of testing us and bringing out our faults just when we think we have it all figured out. Just when we think we're a fucking alpha champion, don't have anything more to learn, life throws us a curveball, and our real character is revealed in those moments of difficulty. So I'm going to blast through the story real quick, kind of let you guys know what happened and let you know what I need to do to fix myself as a coach, to fix myself as a man, and to be the best version of myself, and I have work to do, just like you do.

1:20 So I want to let you know that we all have work to do. We're fighting shoulder-to-shoulder as brothers up this hill of self-development. Those challenges that come are just designed to show our faults. We attract to ourselves what we need for our best, most optimal development, and I believe that's what happened to me on Thanksgiving Day. So after this really quick story, I will jump into how to change your vocal tonality, but this actually points back to some of the other things I spoke about. So if you guys remember, I was all excited about Thanksgiving Day because Marissa was cooking for me that upside-down cinnamon roll apple turnover cake.

1:56 So we went to Marissa's sister's boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving, and everything was going great. It was an amazing Thanksgiving dinner, and as some of you know, I have a one-year-old daughter. Well, she just turned 15 months, and she's almost about to start walking, and as a 15-month-year-old, she likes to crawl around all over the place, stick her hands into everything, curious about everything, and Marissa's sister's boyfriend's house wasn't really baby-proofed. So Marissa was watching the baby, and I was in the other room watching some TV because I had just been watching her, and I was chilling, and we're just about to eat that cake literally like five minutes away.

2:32 I've been looking forward to this thing for two weeks, man, and suddenly I hear the baby scream in the kitchen, and then I hear Marissa go over to her, and I could hear it in Marissa's voice. We've known each other for a long time. She's like, oh my god, oh my god, like that. So I fucking dart off the couch, bro. I have never moved so fast in my life. I went from that couch to the kitchen, which was probably like 50 feet in like three seconds.

2:55 So dude, Marissa's holding the baby, and there's a fucking mousetrap on her hand. Our baby reached in behind the trash can, and unbeknownst to the owner of the home, there was a fucking mousetrap there, and it went off on her hand. So this mousetrap is on her hand. I was absolutely terrified. Marissa was terrified. Marissa pulls off the mousetrap, and I'm just sitting there like in disbelief. Like, dude, what the fuck just happened? The baby's screaming bloody murder, obviously, as any of us would. I mean, this is a one-year-old.

3:26 She just sees the mousetrap and sticks her hand into it. So I yell, and this is what I'm not proud of. I'm like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? Why weren't you watching her? And then Marissa yelled back at me. She's like, I was. I turned my back for one second, and we just were yelling at each other, which was not the best reaction on my part to that situation. I should have been more supportive. I should have given her the benefit of the doubt.

3:48 And in conflict, as I spoke about in previous podcasts, and this is the way the universe works, man. When you preach it, the universe is going to test you on it. So in previous podcasts, I talked about how in conflict, you need to be generous. You need to be compassionate, and you need to see it from the other person's perspective first before you react. And that's often a mistake that I make is I immediately feel anger first. And I mean, you know, I don't know if any of you guys have kids, but when you do, you'd fucking die for that kid.

4:15 And when you see that kid get hurt on somebody else's shift, immediately you feel anger. So anyway, we take her to the emergency room, get her x-rays as she's screaming bloody murder. And bro, it didn't break her hand amazingly. Apparently, baby's bones are mostly cartilage at that point. And the next day, she didn't even have a bruise on her hand. I was like, what in the God hell is going on here? Because man, if a fucking mousetrap went off on my hand, I'm pretty sure it'd break a bone.

4:44 It would definitely leave a bruise. But the little baby was fine. And I guess little babies are super resilient in that way. So as I also preach, I went up to Marissa and I apologized the next day. I said, you know what? I shouldn't have screamed at you like that. I should have seen what the situation was before I reacted. But, you know, seeing our baby in pain like that, knowing that, you know, you were watching her, I assume the worst. She's like, dude, I turned my back for one second.

5:09 And the next thing I know, she's screaming out. And that's the way it is with babies. You know, I mean, they're going to take some shots, dude. They're going to get hurt. And it just is the way it is. And you can't blame your partner for messing up when something happens to your kid. And I'm sure a lot of you guys listening right now are nodding your heads and being like, yeah, bro, something like that happened between me and my woman or my ex-wife or whoever it was.

5:31 And this is an important learning lesson that, you know, you have to give the benefit of the doubt. And ultimately, you and your woman are a team raising your kid together. And you shouldn't lash out at each other when something bad happens. Because, I mean, probably something's going to happen on my shift. You know, I'm going to turn around and she'll fucking launch off the couch and do a faceplant. Or I'll turn around and she'll get sucked up into some third dimension. I mean, who knows what's going to happen on my shift.

5:56 So I kind of want to publicly state to Marissa, once again, I do apologize. That was totally my bad. Thank God our little baby is okay. And I never got to eat that cake. Can you believe it? Apparently, after we left, they were telling stories about how everybody has had situations like that happen. Everybody who was there. So they understood and they said the cake was delicious. So she's going to make it again for me on Christmas. But as long as my daughter is okay, then I'm happy.

6:21 So just wanted to tell you a little personal story there to show you guys that I'm imperfect too, man. I'm just doing my best just like you are. We're all struggling, we're all trying to improve ourselves, and we're all learning. And that's the point of life. I mean, if you're still alive, your lessons aren't yet complete. And you still have growth to make. You still have lessons to learn. So if you ever have it in your head that I'm Mr. Perfect and I have everything together, I don't.

6:44 I don't. As that example clearly illustrates. So without further ado, guys, let's go ahead and jump into the present topic, which is how to change your vocal tonality to attract more women and be more alpha. All right. So the first point I want to make is the most important one. And that is that tonality shows status. Women can tell immediately by how you talk what your status is. And immediately when I get on the phone with new clients, I can tell immediately what their status is and what women think of them just based on their tonality.

7:18 So I want to start this by talking about some of the unattractive traits of men with weak vocal tonality. Okay. So first and foremost, like I said, I can get on the phone with a guy and immediately tell that he has a weak vocal tonality, kind of like a supplicatory tone in his voice. And that also goes along with being soft-spoken. So when you're a soft-spoken guy and girls can't really hear what you're saying, when you have kind of a high voice in a way that seeks rapport with people, which I'll get into in a second, that is unattractive.

7:50 Now that's not to say that guys with high voices, and I happen to be one of them, can't improve their vocal tonality to become more attractive to women. It's those guys who are unaware of their somewhat effeminate, high-pitched, seeking rapport type of vocal tonality that often have a difficult time attracting women. So the first thing we need to learn is that simply the way you talk has a huge bearing on whether or not women get attracted to you. And it doesn't matter if you have a high voice or a deep voice.

8:24 You can have a deep voice and still have a very supplicatory seeking rapport vocal tonality to which women will not get attracted to you. Or you can be like me and you can have a high-pitched voice naturally, yet adjust it so that you have an alpha tonality behind it, which I'm going to explain, and still attract women. So let's talk about what this seeking rapport kind of tonality is. Okay, so this is the biggest thing that you can hear immediately in people's voices when they have a supplicatory slash seeking rapport type tone.

9:01 Their voice goes up at the end. How are you doing today? Right, it goes up at the end. Whereas guys who are good with women, guys who are used to being in leadership roles, and guys who are naturally alpha and attractive, it goes down at the end. And yes, even if you have a high voice like me. Hey, how are you doing today? Okay, it goes down at the end. And that basically communicates authority. Now, as I've talked about a lot in this podcast is a woman cannot become attracted to you unless you have a stronger frame than she does.

9:31 And having a stronger frame than she does is communicated by that person who is in the authority position. So a woman can be in an authoritative position over you, but she will not be attracted to you. This is why oftentimes female bosses won't get attracted to their male cohorts who are under them. Because naturally, when you speak to your boss, you do so from a supplicatory tone. Hey, boss, could I have tomorrow off, please? Right? It's like that little bit of upward tonality. Now, the easy way to fix this is this.

10:03 The next time you talk to any woman whatsoever, and I always say this because it worked for me. Now, certainly, you can adjust it, and certainly, this isn't a knock against women, no meaning to be condescending or anything like that. It's just a good way to frame it in your head, is when you're talking to a woman, you kind of want to pretend like you're talking to a 13-year-old girl on your soccer team. So you pretend that you're the soccer coach, she's the little girl on your soccer team, and you're telling her to go get the equipment.

10:29 Hey, Kelly, go over there and grab that bag of soccer balls. Bring it over here. We're going to do some laps, and then we're going to play some keep away, okay? And she's like, okay, coach, I'll go do that. Now, if you can talk to women in that same way, and I have to say this, not being condescending, in fact, there's kind of a fatherly comforting vibe behind it when you really break it down. But when you can speak to women in that way, they will get attracted to you because you're not supplicating to them.

10:56 Another good way to look at this is when a police officer pulls you over. He doesn't say, license and registration, please. He says, license and registration, please. It's a downward inflection, okay? This is the reason women get attracted to their professors. This is the reason women love men in authoritative positions. This is the reason you have badge bunnies, which is basically women who are attracted to police officers. And this is also the reason that restaurant managers will almost bang all of their waitresses because the waitress is in that supplicatory position.

11:29 The restaurant manager is in the lead position, and he naturally has that tonality in his voice, and he gets them attracted to him without even trying, just by being in that position. And that's also why, guys, I suggest you try to put yourself in that alpha position. If you can do so, where you're interacting with lots of different women who are under you, that's almost the best position to be in. Like I've talked about a lot in this podcast as well, I used to be a bouncer.

11:55 Well, as the bouncer, even though I was only making $11 an hour at the time, all the women who came into that bar perceived me as above them because I worked there, which is so stupid when you really think about it. I was literally wearing a t-shirt that had five letters on it, S-T-A-F-F, and that suddenly gave me this alpha position. When they would ask me questions, they would take on the supplicatory role. I would take on the authoritative position, not only because I was the bouncer, but because also I understood this concept, and I would speak to them just like they were that 13-year-old girl on my soccer team.

12:31 Boom, they would get attracted to me because of it. Okay, a few other unattractive traits of men with weak vocal tonality is laughing after you say something. I call this disclaimer laugh, and I see it happen all the time with guys who have low status, okay, as they'll be like, hey, you want to go to the movies, right? It's designed to put a little bit of a buffer to your question because you're insecure about yourself. So if you ever laugh in this way after what you say, brother, you need to drop that shit immediately.

13:00 It is a super low status mannerism that does you no good whatsoever, so drop that shit immediately. Another one is being too agreeable, and you'll see this with guys who are low status. You can tell immediately it's really important to them that the conversation goes well. So they're smiling, they're nodding, they're agreeing with everything he or she says. They want to be in rapport with this person so badly that they're willing to forego their own belief systems, their own attitudes, and their own alpha male presence in order to be agreeable and be in rapport with this person.

13:37 Well, guys who are really good with women, they break rapport with women. That's right. They break rapport with women because they understand that breaking rapport with women in a playful way, I'll say, and I'm going to get more into breaking rapport in the episodes to come, but breaking rapport with women shows that you're not always looking for the conversation to go well. And a guy who has high status doesn't always look for the conversation to go well. It's kind of like, hey, I have enough friends.

14:03 Hey, I'm cool enough. Hey, I'm successful enough. I don't need you to feel like I'm enough, so I don't need to gain rapport with you. I'm just going to be myself. And in doing so, you become more attractive and you become more likable. Ironically speaking, the less you give a shit, the better it turns out for you. And part of the reason it turns out well for you is because your tonality literally changes. So here's a big fundamental concept is when you fix the inner bullshit, the outer bullshit takes care of itself.

14:32 You can fake it until you make it all you want, but the best way to do it is to fix the inside and then the outside will change automatically. Your behavior is dictated by your inner belief systems as is your tonality. I literally cannot control the way I'm speaking right now. It's just because of the years of experience, the years of talking to thousands and thousands of women, the years of being a coach, that gives me this correct vocal tonality where I don't have to fake it and concentrate on every little word I'm saying.

15:03 I'm just speaking because my behavior is dictated by my inner belief systems and that controls your tonality. So that begs the question, what's the secret? The secret is to fix your inner bullshit. One of the things I do as a coach is NLP, which is Neuro Linguistic Programming, which is specifically what I do as far as the inner work is concerned. I go into your head. I replace old bad belief systems with new belief systems and then your behavior changes as well as your tonality. When people join my three-month coaching program, within about seven weeks, I can see them completely change.

15:39 It's almost like watching a guy go through puberty because in the seven weeks, I design a custom 12-week NLP protocol for each client. The client goes through it right about month one, one and a half, or around two months, they completely change. Their tonality changes. The way they speak changes. They stop using words that are low value and they start using words that are high value. For example, saying um, coughing, doing little um before you speak, laughing after what you say, making excuses, saying sorry. All these things we do subconsciously are also part of tonality because they communicate a low value status.

16:21 All right. So let's talk about some of the attributes of an alpha male. So as I said before, he doesn't give a shit what happens. Because he doesn't give a shit what happens, he speaks to her like she's a little girl on his soccer team. Not in a condescending way, I have to say, but as a father speaks to his daughter. Hey, great goal, Kelly. High five. Right? It's that up to down kind of dynamic. Furthermore, the alpha male is usually the loudest dude in the group.

16:47 Now, this doesn't mean that he's obnoxious. It just means that somehow, and it's via his vocal tonality, his voice pierces the heavens and you are able to hear him from far away. It's not an obnoxious type of tonality. It's an alpha tonality and it pierces and you can hear it. So the next time you see a group of people and you identify the alpha male, listen closely. He'll be the one who you can hear the best. The beta cucks, the guys who aren't in a high status, they're going to stifle themselves in order to not be heard as well as the alpha male because they're afraid of what they're saying.

17:22 By the way, one thing about shy people, shy people aren't shy. They're just afraid of being judged. They're afraid of being low status. So what do they do? They just don't talk. And when they don't talk, oftentimes people think, oh, they're just shy. But the truth is, is that they're beta and they don't know how to be alpha. So if you're a shy person and you're hiding, the best thing you can do is to start talking, start warming up. And I'm going to talk a little bit more about that in a second.

17:48 So now let's get into some of the skills you can do in order to get yourself into this high status vocal tonality. Okay, there is one trick you can do, and that is to yawn with your mouth closed. It's basically stretching the vocal cords. So as you know, your vocal cords are down there in your throat. And what you do is you kind of just yawn, which is to say you stretch the vocal cords, you make them wider, and you hold that for like 5, 10, 15 seconds. And what happens is your voice actually drops a couple of octaves.

18:19 Now, not necessarily is your voice becoming deeper, but you're actually getting a better tonality that is congruent with being alpha. Now, this is one trick, but another trick is to simply warm up by talking to lots of people. So when you open girl after girl after girl, even walking up to the club, fat chicks, chicks who work at the supermarket, chicks you just happen to see on the street, which is what I always do when I go to the bars, or when I'm in the supermarket, I'm just talking to everybody.

18:48 When you warm up on the easy ones, and then slowly increase the social pressure by opening hotter and hotter ones, then what happens is your vocal tonality is actually changing in real time. So you can have an excellent vocal tonality one day, and then have a shit vocal tonality the next. I mean, I listen to my podcast all the time, and sometimes I'm just on it. Usually the days that I'm on it is when I've warmed up by coaching other clients a few hours before I record the podcast.

19:17 Today, for example, I'm doing it totally cold. Woke up, went to the gym, didn't happen to really speak to anybody, came home, watched some forensic files with Marissa, came down here and recorded the podcast. So my voice isn't exactly toned in to where it could be when I've really warmed up. So when I've been doing good with girls, when I've been talking all night, and I've just been glad handling, not only does your voice change, but also shit comes to you that doesn't come to you when you're cold.

19:46 So I always say, like I even posted on my Instagram, I said, what's the best way to approach a girl who you're scared to approach? Warm up, warm up, warm up. How do you warm up? You just talk to people. Talk to everybody you see, and by the time you see that hot girl, you will already be warmed up. Your vocal tonality will be in the right pitch so that when you open her, you can talk to her like she's that 13-year-old girl on your soccer team, and she'll get attracted to you because of it.

20:12 Another thing you can do is sing in your car on the way to the club. Me and my wingmen often do this. We're on the way to the club. We don't talk about what we have to talk about until we get to the club so we can be interacting with each other. That's a whole different podcast episode. But on the way to the club, we sing. Like we'll put on some Linkin Park or some Metallica, and we will sing along with the music. One man's fun is another's hell.

20:36 Right? We'll really get into the music. We'll sing together, and that opens up your vocal cords so you can have better tonality when you actually are in the bar. Another thing that I do with my clients who I teach infield is I'll make them sing in the club itself. So the five of us, like a lot of times I'll teach me and four guys, the five of us will sing some Linkin Park song, and we'll open our vocal cords as we're singing. Not only does it open your vocal cords, gets you in a better vocal tonality, but it also puts social pressure on yourself so you don't feel stifled.

21:09 And then I always have my clients just go open the first girl I see. So that's another way to do it. So what's the secret to get better vocal tonality? Use your vocal tonality. That's secret number one. Warm up. That would be secret number two. Secret number three is fix the bullshit in your head because the outside is always a reflection of the inside. You can also stretch your vocal cords, and you always want to remember that a woman's attraction for you is based on your ability to lead her.

21:38 It's based on your ability to be the authority to her. So when you speak to her, once again, like she's your daughter, she's your little sister, she's a little girl on your soccer team, that's going to get way better attraction than if you try to seek rapport with her. And like I said, I get on the phone with clients, and within five seconds, I'm like, okay, boom. I know half this guy's problem, or maybe not half, but I know a big part of this guy's problem.

22:02 He has a supplicatory voice. Now it's natural, me being the coach, a lot of clients are nervous when they speak to me. There's going to be a little bit of supplication in their voice, but when I hear that, I'm like, perfect, dude. I can fix this guy really easily, A of all, by teaching him what I just taught you guys here, but B of all, getting into his head and making him feel like an alpha. Because I'll tell you what, the way you speak to your little sister, or the way you speak to your employees if you're a boss, or the way you speak to a little nine-year-old girl who's riding her bike in the middle of the street, and you say, hey, hey, get out of the street, cars are coming, be careful, is way different than when you speak to a hot girl, wouldn't you agree?

22:40 All you have to do is speak to the hot girl in the same way, not being condescending. I'm only talking about tonality here. But when you speak to her in that same way, she's going to get way more attracted to you, and this is why vocal tonality is so unbelievably important. All right, guys, that's it for me in this podcast. I do appreciate you listening. If you found value in my coaching and you want to learn more about getting one-on-one coaching with me so that I can reprogram the programs in your head so that you can have the beliefs of an alpha silverback unapologetic champion and thus have the vocal tonality that communicates that subconsciously to women, look up my website, marksingcoaching.com.

23:21 You could also click the link in the description below. It'll tell you all about it. I have tons and tons of testimonials, and a lot of guys don't even realize exactly what I did to their brains to make them behave, to make them talk, to make their vocal pitch that much different. But I'll tell you what, it absolutely works, and I have over 40 testimonials on my website that explains all of it, and those are genuine. Most of them are unsolicited. They just want to hit me up and let me know how much I've changed their life because of this magic called neuro-linguistic programming, as well as the tactical aspects and deep understanding of attraction that I have as a coach.

23:59 Would love to meet you, so sign up. Like I've said in my previous podcast, I'm trying to get everybody in who signs up this month in before the end of the year so we can get you reprogrammed and get you coming out of the chute like a champion when 2021 hits. All right, boys, thanks again for listening. I got another awesome one dropping on Wednesday, so be sure to tune back in, and I will see you in the next episode. I got another awesome one dropping on Wednesday, so be sure to tune back in, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.