5 Extremely Unattractive Things Guys Do Without Even Realizing it

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. Today, we are going to talk about five extremely unattractive things that guys do without even realizing it. We're going to skip the blatant advertising today and jump right into the content. The first thing they do comes off of a story that I have, a really short story of when I lived in Japan.

0:37 Many of you guys don't know that I lived in Japan for four years, and I can speak Japanese to some level. I've forgotten probably 90% of it, but at one time, I was actually a Japanese translator. Interpreter is actually the correct term. After I lived in Japan, I lived in Hawaii as a Japanese interpreter. For tourists, I would come to Waikiki to ride on this boat. I used to work on this boat called the Star of Honolulu. I was the cruise director manager, which meant I managed all the Japanese translators.

1:10 It was an awesome time. Lived in Hawaii for three years. But anyway, when I lived in Japan, I was actually a voice actor. I would get hired to do American voices for people learning Japanese. So I'm on a bunch of programs over there. The Mark Singh voice, right, who became a seduction coach here in the United States, is an English teacher on recordings in Japan. I wonder if any of those are still in existence. That was back in 2005, I believe I did it. But anyway, they hired a bunch of us Americans to do this voiceover project.

1:40 And there was five of us who showed up, and there was this extra dude who was there. And I was like, hey, man, like, what's your deal? I noticed you're not recording these with us. And he's like, well, I'm actually with Shelby. She's my girlfriend. And I was like, okay, so you came to this recording. It was an all day thing. It was really intensive. And homeboy was just like standing around, sitting around doing nothing, just basically being there for his girlfriend. And I asked him again, I was like, so why are you here again?

2:07 He's like, oh, Shelby's my girlfriend. I want to support her. And whatever she does, I do too. And I was like, oh, man. You know, I wasn't even a seduction coach yet. I knew a little bit about this kind of stuff. But guys, do you think if you make her your number one priority and completely rearrange your life to accommodate her life, that's an attractive thing? You're goddamn right. It is horribly unattractive. And even back then, I knew this dude was just steps away from getting blown out so hard.

2:34 His mustache would fly off his face when the concussion hit. And I bet you anything, I would bet my life that this chick blew this dude out. Because when you make her your number one priority, despite what women tell you, that's what they want. They don't want it. It absolutely kills attraction. What should be your number one priority? Your life, dude. What you're doing, your goals, your ambition should be number one. So despite what women say, and we always have to recognize that what they say is not always the truth, despite what they say, don't fall into it.

3:14 Do not make her your number one priority. Like rearranging your schedule and or going to do something that she's doing just so you can ride along and quote unquote support her like needy Ned did back in Japan is going to get you blown out so hard when the concussion hits, your balls will fly up and hit the brim of your hat. And you'll wonder, dude, what the hell did I do? Why the hell did I make this chick my number one priority? What the fuck was I thinking you idiot?

3:36 And you'll learn just as I've learned it just as many of you guys have learned that when you make a chick your number one priority, it is extremely unattractive. So your life is first, bro. Your life, what you're doing, your goals, particularly your business, your ambitions, your whatever it is that you're passionate about is always your number one priority. Remember that and deploy it when dating women from here on out. Number two is asking her to validate you, to make you feel good, to make you feel attractive.

4:13 If in any way whatsoever, you rely on this girl to make you feel good about yourself, she is going to absolutely lose all attraction for you. So asking her if you're attractive, asking her if you're good in bed, asking her if you're tall enough, muscular enough, make enough money. Do you make her feel a certain way? Why do you like me? Like, what is it about me that you like? Because I'm not really sure. You're getting blown out, bro. You're getting blown out so hard. Your balls are going to fly up and wrap over the top of your head.

4:45 And you're going to be like in a bat wing and be like, dude, where am I, bro? I just got blown out so hard. I'm now wrapped in a skin sandwich and I have no idea what the fuck happened. What happened is you asked her to validate you. So you don't give a shit what she thinks of you. Why? Because you're internally validated. Masculinity is internally validated, which means anything you think about yourself comes from within you. And that's the only place that matters from here forward, bro.

5:10 That's all that matters to you. Your own opinion of yourself. Now, a little side note, we can lie to ourselves and do nothing about improving ourselves, right? We can sit around watching TV, playing video games, eating like shit, looking like a cow standing vertically or a potato with a bathing suit on it and say to ourselves over and over again, I don't give a shit what people think. I'm internally validated because I'm highly masculine. Well, here's the thing. You're not going to really believe those things.

5:40 Unless you're actually taking action. Action creates belief systems, which creates the confidence. Because as they say, confidence comes from competence and competence is a doing thing, isn't it? So you need to be actively improving your life in order to be internally validated. As much as I'd like to sit here and tell you it's a simple choice, which on some levels it is, mostly it's doing things to make yourself feel like the man you want to be and thus validate yourself not needing that external validation, which by the way is feminine.

6:12 And there's no problem with it. I'm not saying it's less than. In fact, in many ways, femininity is superior to masculinity as is masculinity superior to femininity based on the situation, based on the circumstance and based on what needs to be done. But femininity is externally validated, which is why we have so many girls on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge who just want validation. 50% of girls on the dating apps simply want your attention, simply want to text with you to feel like they're pretty. I literally have girlfriends that are like, I'm kind of feeling insecure today.

6:48 I'm just going to get on Tinder real quick and see all the guys who want me. Or I'm going to look at my DMs on Instagram and see all the guys that DM me telling me I'm so hot. And then they start feeling good about themselves. So when you ask her to validate you, she essentially knows, she feels this intrinsically that you're being feminine. And what are you doing? You're putting her in the masculine position because masculinity is there to validate femininity. My own girlfriend, who's absolutely gorgeous, super successful, just an absolute champion in her life, still asks me to validate her.

7:21 Do you think I'm pretty? Do you think I'm doing good? Like, are you proud of me? And I know, being a dating coach, I understand how these things work. When to throw out the I love yous, when to throw out she looks beautiful, when to leave her flowers because they're externally validated and good. I want her to be feminine. I'm not trying to be with a dude. I'm trying to be with a woman. And external validation is a woman's thing. So drop that shit immediately. All right.

7:50 Number three is asking her permission, asking her what to do, asking her to basically lead. OK, so if you're with a woman and you guys are in a relationship, I do understand, particularly if you have children, that sometimes you kind of have to ask permission to say, go camping, go out with the boys, whatever it is that you like to do. But there's a way to ask permission that seeks validation. And there's a way to ask permission that basically confirms her schedule. And if she's cool to say, for example, take the kids or she's cool to do something that's going to inconvenience her so you can do what you want to do.

8:28 So be very aware of the subtle difference between the two. And here's a real obvious way to make a differentiation between them. Asking for permission always includes some sort of supplication in your voice. Like, hey, is it cool if I go out with the guys tonight? And your voice kind of goes up at the end where you're seeking that permission from her, like asking your mom. Whereas seeing if it logistically makes sense has a different tone. Be like, hey, Marissa, I'm actually thinking about going out with the boys tonight.

8:56 What are you doing tonight? And she's like, nothing. You'd be like, hey, how would you feel about watching the kid tonight? And then I'll take her on Sunday. Does that feel fair to you? It's the dynamic where you're figuring out if it makes sense. And if you guys can make a deal where that's concerned. Now, also on this note, and quite worse, by the way, is asking her what to do. For example, on a first date, if you say, what do you want to do now?

9:14 You have absolutely blown out all attraction for you. Why? Because you're asking her to lead. And as you know, masculinity is the one who leads. It's your job to plan the date and execute it. Lead her to where she wants to be led, as I always say. Now, that begs the question, if you're on a date and you guys are going to go bowling, let's say, and she's like, oh, I really don't like bowling. You know, I got these long fingernails, which has actually happened to me a few times.

9:43 Can we go to like miniature golf instead? And you sit there thinking about it and you say, yeah, we can do that. Come on, let's go. Is that still leading? Yes, it is. Because you're kind of like the final decision and you're taking her to where she wants to go. Different from that, if you're in the car and you're like, well, like, what do you want to do now? And she's like, let's go miniature golfing. You'd be like, okay. And then you take her there. There's that subtle difference, but it's a huge difference in her eyes.

10:11 So you never want to like ask her what to do, but certainly if she brings up something she wants to do and you want to do that too, you could be like, you know what? That's a really good idea. Come on, let's go. We're going to have a great time. Okay. So you see that subtle difference asking her to lead. This is the worst of the worst, which I alluded to in the previous example. If you ask her to like take you out or show you a good time, it's horrible, bro.

10:31 It just absolutely kills attraction. Now this just popped into my head. Sometimes sexually it's okay for her to lead, but there's always the concept of letting L E T letting. Okay. Letting means you're letting her ride reverse cowboy on you as you lay back and enjoy the blissful sight of her perfect bum bouncing up and down on your hard penis. That is the shit. And she's essentially taking control. She's kind of leading, but you're letting her do that. Right? So like if a girl invites you to something where she's the leader, right?

11:09 Let's say she's like on a volleyball team and they're going to the all-star game match and you're her boyfriend and she asks you to come support her. It kind of looks like you're stepping into her environment and she's the one controlling it. But if you come from the frame of she's kind of performing for you and you're watching it from the perspective of her showing you something, you've kind of flipped the frame where she's dancing for you. She's performing for you. Therefore you're still in the power.

11:35 Now I know as you listen to this, you may think, dude, this is so like juvenile. This is so immature. Why can't we just let her lead? The reason is because it's going to kill her attraction for you. So you need to frame it in a way where you're letting her lead and or you're leading her to where she wants to be led because it just kills attraction. Like needy Ned coming with his girlfriend to that recording in Japan, she's leading it. She's like, come on, it's over here.

12:03 It's over there. He's like, okay, I just want to support you. I just want to follow you. Whereas perhaps if he reframed it differently where he's like, you know what? I've never been to that part of Osaka. I've always wanted to see it. I'm going to bring some of my homework. It sounds like a cool place to do it. I also want to meet some people because I may want to get in there too, to do some voice actor work myself. So how would you feel if I rolled with you?

12:26 Right. And she's like, yeah, definitely be like, okay, come on. I'll actually figure out the trains because there's a bunch of different trains we have to take. So come on, let's go. And then he takes her there. That would have been different, but the way he did it was he was following her. She was basically leading, which of course kills attraction. All right. Number four is interesting because we're going to go in a different direction here. And that's being too aloof and not listening or paying enough attention to her.

12:49 So many guys will lose their women because they don't pay enough attention. And many guys will lose women because they pay too much attention. So that begs the question, how much attention is the right attention? 80% of what she wants. Thus my 80, 100 rule, which if you've listened to this podcast for any amount of time, you've probably heard me talk about. You essentially give her 80% of what she wants from you. And if for example, she comes home from a tough day, you listen to her very attentively, but you don't overstay your welcome.

13:18 As it were, you leave her just wanting a little bit more. Now this isn't malicious. We're not playing games. We're not manipulative. This is what works. And I'll tell you something else. You shouldn't be in a relationship with a woman preferably where you have to fake this shit. It should just land naturally. You naturally lead. She naturally follows. You naturally just want to give her 80% of what she wants from you. She wants a little bit more from you. She's a little bit more into it and you're just naturally who you are.

13:51 And it just works out that way. But I tell you these rules not to fabricate them or use them to manipulate women, but to use them as a benchmark to get into a relationship with a girl where it just works naturally. Because I've been with chicks where I kind of had to fake it, right? Like I wanted 125% of what she wanted and I had to hold myself back and I was constantly fighting these feelings and it just blew up because you're not being natural. Whereas in the relationship I'm in now, I just naturally want to do 80% of what Marissa wants to do.

14:19 It just works that way. So when she wants to talk, I'm there to listen to her. And when I'm done, I'm done. And I've given her about 80, maybe 90% of what she wants. I'm being there attentively. But if I'm too attentive, like, Oh, sweetheart. And I have my hand on her leg, like, tell me how your day was. Did you miss me? Like what happened? Really talk to me about it. I want you to tell me about your feelings. It's that neediness, like needy Ned back in Japan, right?

14:47 That's too available. So it's like that balance. We can be not available enough, which by the way, is why many men get divorced is because the woman doesn't feel like he's there for her. He feels like he's gone. He feels like he's not there, but then there's too much giving her too much of that attention. And that's going to push her away too. So that's why we have the 8,100 rule. It's extremely effective. All right. Number five. And by the way, I always over deliver. So I'm going to give you a few extra.

15:16 Number five is losing ambition or not having it in the first place, letting yourself go. Okay. So one of the most attractive things to women, particularly when you're in a long-term relationship is she wants to see that the dude is ambitious. Okay. Going after what he wants to better himself. The fact that you're listening to a podcast like this one, 15 minutes in or whatever it is, is extremely attractive to women. And you should be very proud of yourself that you're always going for self-development because women want an ambitious dude.

15:48 It's among the top three, most attractive things next to confidence, next to humor, and next to being slightly out of her grasp, about 80% of what she wants from you. Those things combined make you ridiculously attractive. So when you let yourself go, when you're not ambitious, when you're just kind of in cruise control, this is the reason many dudes get divorced where one day the woman comes home and she's like, listen, I'm not attracted to you anymore. I don't have any romantic feelings for you anymore. I've fallen out of love with you.

16:23 And you're sitting there like, dude, what the fuck? I thought we were great. It's because you weren't pushing yourself to the next level. You may not have been listening to her enough. You may have been too aloof, too into your own world and not coming out of it to hear about her world and really connect with her, connect with her sexually, connect with her emotionally and spiritually. Or maybe you were too needy. You needed help. You needed her to compliment you. You needed her to validate you.

16:49 And you were letting her lead the relationship, deferring to her, which many guys do. Why? Because women have a lot of energy when it comes to relationships, don't they? It's like one of their number one priorities. Whereas for us, it usually isn't. So they have a ton of energy. So they're going to nag you. They're going to put a lot of pressure on you to put energy into the relationship. And many guys are like, fuck this. I don't care. I don't want to put this much energy into the relationship.

17:16 I want to go into the garage and work on my Mustang and just leave me the fuck alone and be with my boys. Okay. Just leave me alone. So fine. Whatever you want, woman, you can have it. And she's like, well, I want to go to XYZ place this weekend. He's like, fine. Like what hotel do you want to stay in? She's like, I want to stay in the Broadmoor. All right. Just, just, you know, make the reservation, put it on my credit card. It's fine.

17:36 Meanwhile, you see what's happening. She's leading. So guys, relationships take work. Being with chicks takes work and you need to always be in that leadership role, leading her to where she wants to be led. If you don't have the energy for that, I don't know what to tell you, man. You need to find a girl who jives with you and your amount of energy you want to put into it. Because if you put her in a situation where you've let yourself go, you're losing your ambition and you're giving her the lead, she's going to lose all attraction for you.

18:07 But I want to assure you as well that when you get a woman who's also working on herself and she too understands this, because this isn't a secret. We don't want to like hide these facts from chicks. In fact, Marissa knows all of this. She listens to my podcast. She knows all this stuff. Damn, she could be a coach herself. And she chooses to go into that feminine energy. She chooses to let me lead. And I choose to work on the relationship and be there for her in the way she needs me to be.

18:34 So it's a job, dude. Having a woman and having a successful relationship is like a job. Now you're going to get more out of it than what you put into it. But if you're not constantly working on that with your woman, once you do get into a relationship, once you get into a committed partnership with a woman, if you're not actively working on it, it's going to deteriorate. It's just like a car, man. It needs maintenance. It needs work. It needs attention. It's just like your body, just like your health, just like your business.

19:01 It's another thing. But what you put in reaps exponential results when both of you working on it together. And it isn't really that hard. I don't sit around like worrying or getting exhausted or being like depleted because of Marissa. She adds to my life. She makes it better because we work on it together. And yes, I'm in the leadership position. She's the one who's in her feminine energy, who is following, and I lead her to where she wants to be led. I give her the perfect mixture of what she needs from all these perspectives I've been speaking about today.

19:34 And that's why it works. All right. The last one, the bonus one, and I got lots of them, but I'm just going to finish with this one since we're already at 20 minutes is when you complain, you cry, you whine, and you have a victim mindset around women, unbelievably unattractive. In fact, one might say this is the most unattractive thing because what you're saying is life has gotten you down and you're not masculine and capable enough to handle it. You're demonstrating a weak survivability. And many of us have done this.

20:03 God knows I've done it myself, bro. One of the first girls I hooked up with in college, and yes, I didn't get laid until I was 21 years old. One of the first girls I ever hooked up with was in college. I think it was my sophomore year. We got her tits out, and this is so embarrassing, and I cried all over them about my dad dying when I was 10 and whatever victim mentality I had back then. It was bad, bro. It was really bad. And she got all uncomfortable and she put her bra back on and there were all my tears on her titties.

20:37 Bro, your tears, here's a little lesson, okay? Your tears will not work as lubricant for sex. It doesn't work. Your Uncle Mark Singh has proved it. I was a victim back then. I was a beta cuck and I admit it wholeheartedly. But dude, complaining, crying, being a victim in front of a woman, ridiculously unattractive because it shows that you're weak. It shows that you have a lack of general survivability, which is the most attractive thing to a woman. So take these into account, boys. Really think about them.

21:09 Once again, to repeat them, making her your number one priority, asking her to validate you, asking for her permission, asking her what to do, asking her to lead, being too aloof and not listening or paying enough attention, losing your ambition or not having it in the first place or letting yourself go, and complaining, crying, whining, and basically having a victim mindset. These are six extremely unattractive things that guys do without even realizing it. So if you do any of those, stop them immediately. And your attractiveness in the eyes of women will go up exponentially.

21:46 I do appreciate you guys listening. I draw podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.