5 POWERFUL WAYS TO DESTROY FEAR AND ANXIETY

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. Happy Wednesday to you. And if you listen to my podcast on Monday, that's right. Today's my surgery day. I'm going in for some somewhat major surgery, not like super major, but major enough to have my butthole tightening up. I'm freaking out, man. So I'm doing this podcast today about five potent strategies to overcome your fears.

0:37 And this is mostly for me because I'm going to listen to this again on Wednesday. I'm filming this tonight. Tonight is Sunday. And before I jump into the content, I want to ask you guys to do me a little favor. So I'm going in for pre-op at 3 p.m. And the doctor said that I should start going under around 4 p.m. mountain time. So I'm a superstitious dude. I believe in all that metaphysical stuff. So I was wondering if you guys could help me out. If you could send me a little prayer, send me some good tidings, just send some positive energy my way.

1:13 I would very, very much appreciate it. So the surgery is starting at 4. It's going to take a couple of hours. Then I'll come out all loopy. Hopefully I'll say some funny shit. I'm hoping somebody is going to record it. I haven't been under in that kind of way in a very long time, but you always see those videos of people saying some funny shit. So I'm hoping something funny comes out of my mouth, but we'll see. I think because of COVID, we're not allowed to have Marissa come in there.

1:36 So she has to pick me up outside the building, but we'll see what happens. Speaking of COVID, I had to have a COVID test today. I don't know how many of y'all have had that test, but they say it hurts really bad, but it doesn't hurt. It just tickled so much, bro. Imagine somebody sticking a Q-tip up your nose about an inch, like literally the same amount that you stick your finger in to pick your nose. It doesn't go all the way up into your brain cavity, which a lot of my friends had me believe.

2:02 That's the way the first COVID test was, but now I guess the more advanced test is just like an inch up your nose. But the thing is, is she sits there freaking circling this Q-tip inside your nose, and it like tickles all your nose hairs. And I was sitting there like coughing and like gagging, and my eyes were watering, and it doesn't hurt. It's just tickly, and it's just kind of uncomfortable. So if you have to have a COVID test coming up soon, it's not that big of a deal.

2:27 It's just really kind of awkward and uncomfortable, I guess you could say, or ticklish. Like somebody just like tickling your nose hairs. Very, very strange. But I had to do the COVID test before I go in on surgery. So I want to start this episode by telling a little story of the last surgery I ever had, which was in Japan. And it's kind of a funny story. And then I'm going to get into five ways. I'm actually going to give six ways, NLP-based ways, meditative type ways, as well as highly sophisticated ways that I know a lot of the spec ops guys use to overcome their fears.

3:00 So I think there's some really good information in this one. So when I was in Japan, I lived in Japan from 2003 to 2008, and it was four and a half years. And while I was there, I lived in this city called Yonago in Totori Prefecture. I don't have, most of you guys won't know what the fuck that is. But if somebody does, they'll be like, oh, I know where that is. And there was this volcano there called Dyson Volcano. And it was literally an extinct volcano. But they used to have this snowboard place on top of the volcano, a ski resort.

3:30 So I go up there all the time and snowboard, and I was really into it. And I tried to do this like 180 air kind of thing, and I landed with my back to the mountain, and then I fell backwards, put my hand back, and I broke my hand really bad. Well, I was snowboarding with a couple of Japanese guys, and I had just lived there for like a year, and I didn't want to look like a pussy. So they're like, well, what's going on? Is it broken?

3:50 And I was like, I don't think so. I think it's fine. But I was pretty sure it was broken. I was like, I don't want to ruin their day, so I'll just keep snowboarding. Well, that was a gigantic mistake because I kept snowboarding, and I fell on it again. I fell on my broken hand right into the hard, icy snow. Oh, my hell, dude. It like shattered it even more. It was the most painful experience of my life. So I get down to the mountain, and I go to the emergency room, and they tell me it's like broken in a bunch of different places.

4:18 Eventually, I see a surgeon, and he says I have to have three pins put into my hand. So I go into the surgery room. They didn't put me under general anesthesia. They just made my hand numb. But here's the funny thing about the story is in Japan, and I don't know if this is true for all Japanese surgeries, but it was the most brilliant idea I've ever seen in my life. So it was my left hand. My left hand was extended over to my left side.

4:43 They had a curtain basically going across my shoulder, so I couldn't see what was happening. So the surgeon's over there putting the pins in, working on my hand. And then, dude, they had this really hot nurse. Her only job was to sit on my right side and distract me. She would, like, scratch my arm. She was, like, whispering to me in English. And, like, I'm like, there's heaven on my right side. There's hell on my left side. I'm going to go ahead and focus on the heaven.

5:08 And it was really a genius idea. I was like, damn, we should do this in America because it was an awesome way to distract me. So the surgery went fine. Eventually, they took the three pins out. My hand is completely fine now. But I always think back to that surgery. It's like, damn, that was a good idea. And she was hot as hell. She was, like, a solid 9, maybe even a 10. I was like, damn, where did they find these girls? I wonder if she was even a nurse.

5:30 Maybe they just hire super sexy girls to work in the hospital and distract people. I think it's a brilliant idea. Those Japanese, man, they got some damn good ideas over there, including vending machines. You could basically get an entire meal out of a vending machine. Different podcast episode. I should tell some stories about Japan. The place was really, really interesting. So my surgery is happening on Wednesday, and I need to overcome my fear. So fear can be translated as false evidence appearing real. So why is it false evidence?

5:59 It's because there's a part of you, let's call it your lower self, whose job is to warn you of impending danger. This is an anthropological part of us that's been developed to keep us safe. Don't go in that black cave because you might get eaten by a bear. Don't go out at night because there's predators out there. So it's constantly looking for what can go wrong. And a lot of people have too much of this voice in their head, which is why they have anxiety. It's always focusing on the worst case scenario.

6:28 But as I've spoken about many times in this podcast, most of the time things go right. Most of the time things work out. So it's false evidence. You're looking for evidence that appears real, but it isn't real. It's just an illusion. And what is fear? It's really anticipation of pain. And what is your mind's job? It's to avoid pain at all costs. Avoid calamity. So me, I'm going in for this surgery. I'm terrified. I don't know what's going to happen. I know it's going to be painful.

6:55 I might die. I might get some problem happening. So my mind is constantly saying, dude, don't do it. Don't do it. And then I'm feeling fear. I'm feeling anxiety. I'm thinking of ways to avoid it. But the reality of it is, is that I need to have this done so that I can be healthy and live longer. But see, the lower self isn't necessarily concerned about the future. It's concerned about the now. It would rather keep you safe now than keep you safe in the future.

7:20 And that's why so many people don't act on their dreams. That's why so many people don't do the things they're afraid of, because in the here and now, the possible penalty of taking the risk does not outweigh the potential reward. And when it comes to fear, you don't necessarily overcome it. You just act in spite of it. And I admit forthright, I'm afraid. I'm scared to go into the surgery, but I'm going to act in spite of it. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to show up.

7:45 And the mind is constantly coming in saying, well, what if this? What if that? And what you need to do is almost treat it like a girl who you're with, who's always concerned about the worst case scenario. This reminds me of a few months ago, I took a bunch of girls up to my wiki up in the wilderness and I started a fire up there. And one of the girls was really feminine. It's the feminine job to constantly point out what could go wrong. She's like, well, won't you start a forest fire?

8:09 Is it safe to do that? Do we have permits? And she's constantly pointing it out. And it was interesting to me because I would tell her, oh, it's fine. You know, I got it under control. Trust me, I know what I'm doing. There's plenty of snow around. There's water around. We're not going to start a fire. It's all good. Well, that's kind of what you have to do with your mind. Even when you guys are anxious about this, that, and the third, you need to point out to it and say to it, I understand you.

8:33 I heard you, but I got this. I got this. And if you think about it, there's almost a part of you that's a higher self and a part of you that's a lower self. All of us have experienced this part of us where it's like the champion hero part of us. And then there's a part of us who's the pussy, the coward. And we all have a coward within us. The question is, do we let that coward take control or do we let the hero take control?

8:56 So if, and when you hear those thoughts come into your mind and you say, I understand you, I've heard you, but I'm going to go ahead and move on. So just letting you know, you've been hurt. Cool. And it's like my mom, my mom called me today actually, and I have not told her about the surgery. So don't go telling her I'm having surgery. Hopefully she doesn't listen to this. She usually doesn't listen to my podcast, but hopefully she doesn't hear this one, but she was all like complaining about COVID.

9:20 She's in her seventies. She's freaked out, bro. She will not leave the house. The only thing she does is go on walks. Ed, my stepdad goes to Costco every once in a while, like once every two weeks, they're really scared. And she's like, it's so horrible. What's happening, Mark? You know, it's, we're really living in hard times. And what do you think I said to her? I'm like, no, we're not. I'm like, yeah, you know, we're going through a challenge and I'm not trying to discredit the challenge that COVID has brought, but dude, compared to the civil war, compared to the revolutionary war, the depression, world war two, all the shit that this country has been through adversity makes us stronger.

9:55 And I think a lot of great things have come out of this working together, creating a vaccine and all that stuff. So I, I kind of gave her a little lecture. I'm like, mom, don't think like that. That's BS. This country has been through much worse. We're going to get through it. It's not that bad. We're doing pretty damn well. And she's like, yeah, I guess so. And that's kind of what you have to do with that fear voice. Like, Oh, I'm going to die in surgery.

10:15 No, you're not, bro. They've done thousands and millions of these types of surgeries. You're going to be fine. Everybody be calm. Don't hyper extend your vagina. Let's go ahead and move into this like a fucking warrior, which is the final point. And my favorite point that I'm going to make. So when the mind comes in, you have to ensure it that everything is going to be fine. And a great thing to say, and this comes from T Harv Ecker is thank you for sharing. So a little thought pops up.

10:41 Cool. Thank you for sharing. Nope. I'm not going to buy into it. I'm going to be fine. No, but what if when you're under anesthesia, you know, something like that happens and you die. No, for all the chances that happen, they're so slim. Thank you for sharing. Not buying into it. And it's your choice. Are you going to buy into it? It's trying to sell you something. It's your choice to buy into it or buy into the warrior, the higher self part of you that says, bro, things are going to be fine.

11:03 People have been through much worse. You're tough. You've been through worse. You've been through much worse than this. You can do this. And when you do get through it, you're going to be fucking stronger than you ever were before. So this is worth it. And you're going to be healed. You're going to get that part of you fixed so that you can live longer. So you can keep doing your mission. That's what the higher self keeps telling me. And I listen to him. I don't listen to the little bitch inside of me saying, ah, things can go wrong.

11:27 No, no, no, no. Thank you for sharing. Appreciate it. Thank you for warning me. I see it. I see it realistically and I'm going to still do it. So shut the hell up. The next strategy is to meditate on your fear. And this was a major way that I was able to overcome my own anxiety, which I had pretty much with me 24 seven because it was that voice constantly like this could go wrong. That could go wrong. Distant sense of threat. Watch out for this. Watch out for that.

11:49 And it created this tension inside my chest that I could palpably feel. And some of you who are experiencing anxiety may be able to feel it inside your chest or inside your head or your handshake or something like that. A really good meditation to do is to sit there and watch it. Look at it. Acknowledge it. Say hello to it. Be friendly towards it. Sit there and experience it fully with your attention. This is called transmutation through attention. And it's one of the ways to overcome even approach anxiety.

12:21 You think about approaching that girl. You feel all those anxious feelings, the fear, false evidence appearing real. What if she hurts me? What if I am put in pain? What if she says something to me that breaks me? All the negative circumstances that your mind creates, you're going through that almost like it's in real time and you're feeling that energy inside of you. Well, if you sit down, listen to meditation music. And if you guys are interested in meditation music, check out my playlist on Spotify.

12:46 Mark's meditation playlist. There's some awesome meditation songs on there that I use to sit there with that energy. So what I've been doing every morning leading up to the surgery is I'll think about the surgery. I'll think about all the false evidence appearing real. I'll listen to my lower self. Let that bastard tell me about all the things that could happen. And then that energy will come up in my chest and I'll just sit there paying attention to it. Energy flows where attention goes. What you resist persists and what you look at disappears.

13:17 That's where that amazing wisdom comes into play is what you look at disappears. So don't avoid it. Don't try to shut the door on it. Look at it. Acknowledge it. Say hello to it. Say, hey, what's up, buddy? Thank you for sharing. Now I'm just going to watch you as if you're watching the antics of a child. And what happens is that energy begins to dissipate. It begins to turn into higher consciousness energy. It begins to turn into the energy that supports you rather than tries to take you down.

13:43 And this is a meditation that I did every day for years to overcome my severe anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, gone because of this simple meditation as well as some other NLP processes. The next step is to disassociate. So when you go into any situation where you're scared, for example, I'm going to be in that bed and I really am not looking forward to the IV going into me. I just am creeped out by freaking needles being into my veins. It's just something I'm not looking forward to.

14:10 So what I'm going to do is disassociate, which means I'm going to float out of my body and watch myself as if I'm from a third person perspective. They say that when you go through really severe pain, you can disassociate and the pain you feel is far less. Unfortunately, this is a natural thing that people do when they're getting tortured. Unfortunately, when girls get raped, they typically do this because it's the mind's way to literally disassociate from the experience you're having. And you can double disassociate.

14:40 Watch the person watching you. Triple associate. Watch the person watching you, watching you, watching you. I think that was three. You can back out of it that way. And I do this oftentimes when I'm lifting weights and it really hurts, especially with my legs. I'm doing some squats. I'll watch myself doing the squats and the pain is far less. The next tip is to have a future vision of everything going just fine. So I've already installed this in my mind. And in NLP, some of my clients will know I have this thing called timeline therapy where you imagine your life as a timeline.

15:14 Well, what I did is I did an NLP process where I imagine myself on the beach in Hawaii in March. Marissa, me, and the baby are going to Hawaii in March. And I imagine myself on the beach, completely healthy, totally shredded, throwing the Frisbee, having a great time. Everything inside of me is all fixed up. I'm all good to go. And when I have that future visualization, it's a future visualization of success. So many people imagine things going wrong. You guys who are anxious around women, you guys who have low confidence.

15:44 Why is that? Because you're constantly imagining what could go wrong, the worst case situation. You're literally visualizing that. And as the law of attraction tells us, what you visualize, you attract. So I'm consciously visualizing this final scene where everything is healed. I'm healthy. I'm vibrant. I'm happy. And that's the final scene that I'm putting in my mind. And when I'm in that surgery room, I'm going to constantly think about that and constantly congratulate myself. Like, dude, you got here, bro. Every step I take closer to the surgery, I'm like more and more proud of myself.

16:15 Today, I got the COVID thing done. Dude, good job. Smack myself on the back. I'm getting closer. And then I'm thinking like, man, this time on Friday, I'm going to be done with it. I've been putting this thing off for years. God, I'm so stoked. I'm so proud of myself. I'm going to look myself in the mirror and be like, dude, you're my hero, man. Like, be your own hero by stepping into those things that make you fearful. The next tip is to act as if.

16:38 This is another NLP trick. One thing you can do is act how you would act if you were your own hero. What would the best version of myself do right now in this situation? So as the days have been going, people have been asking me, dude, are you scared? I'll be like, nah, man. Fucking got this, dude. I'm a Spartan, bro. I got this shit, right? And while it may seem like a lie, it's kind of like fake it till you make it. When you act that way, there is a part of you that really believes that.

17:04 There is that higher self that really believes you're going to be fine, believes you're a warrior, believes you're a Spartan, believes you have the heart of a warrior and you're not afraid of this. So be that dude. Act as if you are that dude at all times. Don't even let those fearful thoughts come into your mind. And when they do come into your mind, like I said, thank you for sharing. Moving on. Like a child complaining, playing with the toy, like my mom on the phone.

17:27 Thanks for sharing, mom. Don't agree. Okay. That's your opinion. Go ahead and take it. Totally disagree with you. And it said in the book, Gates of Fire, which is about the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae, the mind has many rooms, some of which you should never enter. And a lot of those rooms are fear, imagining all the bad things that can happen. You just don't let yourself think that. You think about what could go right, the future pace timeline. Also, you act as if you are that hero.

17:54 Even better, you can have somebody who you highly respect step inside of you. How would I act if David Goggins, I don't know if you guys know who he is. He's the hardest motherfucker in the world, as he calls himself. And I agree. What if he stepped into my body? You think he'd be scared of this? Hell no. He'd be like, bring that shit. I'm going to lift the boats, as he always says. Fucking champion. Check him out if you haven't seen him. What if he stepped into my body?

18:17 How would I act if I were him? How would I act if Maximus from Gladiator stepped into me? Or a real life Spartan from 300 BC stepped into me? You think he'd be scared of needles? This guy just got whipped a hundred times with olive branches across his back. There's no virgin skin left. There's so many scars. You think he's scared of a little IV? No way. Become that guy. Just choose to be him. He steps inside of you. Then you walk into that surgery room and you're like, yeah, motherfuckers, bring it.

18:45 Put that IV in me. Let's do this shit. And before I know it, I'm going to wake up and it's going to be done. And the last step, and I saved this for last because it's my favorite, is you got to get highly into your testosterone. And I absolutely love this. It's my favorite thing to do on a daily basis. So what I'm going to do is on the way to the surgery center, I'm going to listen to my playlist on Spotify, Mark's Lift Heavy Ass Weights.

19:08 I'm going to listen to that, get super fired up. Every time I have to give blood, which is something I absolutely hate doing, I get really into my testosterone. I listen to that playlist. I do a bunch of pushups. I look at pictures of Spartans and I imagine myself about to go into war. I think about the movie Braveheart while William Wallace is giving his speech in front of everybody or Maximus where he gives his speech. Hold the line, right? I think of that, get myself pumped or think of the movie 300.

19:35 Spartans, drop your weapons. Persians, come and take them, right? So sick. They're getting fired up right now, dude. I'm ready. Stick that fucking IV in me. I don't give a shit. Let's do this. Because when you're highly in your testosterone, that's the opposite of fear. And it's also the opposite of femininity, which is fear-based, which is warning you, that part of you that warns you of trouble. Like your mom saying, oh, little Jimmy, don't go outside without your jacket. Be careful of cars. That's the feminine job.

20:04 So we need to thwart that motherfucker inside of us. And we need to be the warrior that day. So I'm not going to even let those thoughts come into my mind. I'm not going to even entertain them. And if they do come up, thank you for sharing. Back to the Spartiate, right? Back to the 300 Spartans facing a million Persians coming through the pass. Just imagine what was beaten in their hearts. That's the dude that's going to step inside of me. So as I listen to that Spotify playlist, Mark's Lift Heavy Ass Weights, please follow me there.

20:32 If you don't like that music, check your pants. There may be a vagina in there. Just messing around with you, of course. But dude, when I listen to that music, I get so pumped, man. And I'm getting pumped up right now. So I'm going to get highly in my testosterone. I'm going to act as if I am that hero. I'm going to keep a future vision of my final result. I'm going to get disassociated during those moments of particular fearfulness. I'm going to meditate on it all the way leading up to it.

20:58 And when those voices come in, I'm going to say thank you for sharing. With all those strategies together, I know I'm going to conquer this thing. And once again, guys, 4 p.m. Mountain Time. What time is that for you? Send me a little prayer. I'd very much appreciate it. So that's it for me, guys, in this podcast. I already recorded the one that's dropping on Friday. It's about being aloof and how to keep women attracted to you by only giving them a certain amount of your attention.

21:21 It's a pretty cool podcast. Also, if you didn't listen to my podcast that dropped on Monday, I'd strongly suggest checking that out. It's really funny. It's about how I drove strippers. And I actually made a mistake. I was looking at maps afterwards. I wasn't arrested in Century City. I was arrested in Torrance, which is right next to Compton. And I either went to Compton Jail or Torrance Jail. But either way, it was still pretty getro. So that's a little correction to that story there. So the next time you're going to be hearing from me will be after my surgery, which is on Monday.

21:50 Once again, Friday's podcast is pre-recorded. So check back in on Monday as well as Friday and see if I did indeed survive, which obviously I most certainly will. But if I didn't, Marissa is going to come on and she's going to be like, hey, guys, so Mark died and he won't be seeing you in the next episode. I was telling her about that and she was cracking up. So I'll be fine, guys. Wish me the best. I'm going to use all these strategies. I'm probably going to actually listen to this driving up to Boulder where my surgery is taking place.

22:19 And I'll be absolutely fine. I'm going to get through this like a fucking warrior, like the silverback that I am, just like what you are. So your support is highly appreciated. Keep me in your thoughts and I will see you in the next episode. Hey, brothers, my courageous brothers. Take a moment and pray for me. We are the boys of UMP. Yeah. That's sick.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.