5 Steps to Social Confidence Mastery With Myke Macapinlac

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Mark Sing here. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. And today, I've got a really special one for you. Had to hunt this guy down, had to threaten him, had to send him a letter bomb in the mail that said, the only way you can defuse it is if you come on my podcast, you bastard.

0:33 He's like, all right, all right, all right. How's Wednesday work for you? I was like, let's do it, bro. So I got today Mike McApinlack. Did I bought your name, brother? Did I get it right? You nailed it, bro. Yeah, very impressed. All right. I practiced, man. Before I sent that letter bomb, I was like, listen, I should learn how to pronounce his name. He is from Social Confidence Mastery. You can check him out on YouTube as well as his blog. This guy, I hunted down, like I said, because I'm so impressed with how he speaks.

1:06 I'm so impressed with his story from having gone from zero to hero and been able to get that Social Confidence Mastery. And what we want to do today is give you guys some tips for how you can do it yourself. Because like me, you guys are probably coming from a difficult place. And just like Mike, you know, we all came from the depths and we're fighting to improve ourselves. And there's very few real dudes in this space. And I'm telling you, I listen to his podcast personally, and this is the real deal right here.

1:35 Mike, what is up, my brother? Wow, Mark. I don't know if I can live up to the awesome introduction, but I'll do my best. So your podcast, your YouTube channel, your website, Social Confidence Mastery, why don't you tell our audience a little bit about what you do, a little bit about your history, who you work with, and what they can benefit from by listening to your content? Sure. So first things first, you know, like the whole thing started when my family and I moved to Canada from the Philippines.

2:08 So, you know, first few years being an immigrant in a new country was very challenging because actually before we moved to Canada, I actually lived in Saudi Arabia for a little bit. And if you know anything about, you know, both cultures, right, you know, both in the Philippines and Saudi Arabia, they were both very conservative, you know, like in the Philippines, they have this very like tribal mentality. Like a lot of them just kind of stick within their own group, you know, like they don't really like venture out and, you know, like talk to other people and stuff like that.

2:40 And in Saudi Arabia, the customs there were so different, you know. In fact, I remember one of the things that I had to learn there when I was living there was like to not make prolonged eye contact because it was considered to be rude, you know. And then their customs too, you know, like there's no dating, they basically like offer a woman dowry and, you know, they become their wife, right, you know, so that's, as you can see, you know, like, you know, my environment, the one that I was raised in wasn't very conducive for me to be socially confident, right.

3:09 You know, not to mention I grew up in a very traditional Asian family where academic success was really the focus, you know, like my dad said, you know, go to school, get good grades, get a good job. And you'll be successful. And my mom said, once you land a high paying job, all the ladies will be lining up and wanting to date you, you know. So, hey, you know, I was a kid. I didn't know any better. And obviously, I love my parents. So I followed their advice to a T, you know, like I dedicated my entire life growing up to academic success.

3:43 And then they weren't lying, you know, I did get a good job afterwards. I worked for a structural engineering company. And I did make good money. But the only problem was I was still socially awkward. You know, I was still lonely and I was still sad, you know. And again, going back to what I mentioned earlier, as an immigrant, the first few years in Canada was really difficult for me because back then I actually didn't speak English until I was 17 years old. And I suffered from really bad social anxiety to the point where I actually ate my lunch in a bathroom stall because I was too terrified to mingle with the other kids.

4:17 So, again, you know, all these things combined together was the perfect storm for me to, you know, like not be the best candidate to succeed socially. So that's how I got into this whole thing, Mark. You know, I wanted to solve this issue. You know, like I was so tired of being lonely, you know, being stuck at home on the weekend, watching everybody else have fun. And, you know, I just had no friends. I had no one to go out with. And, you know, not to mention my dating life was non-existent, right?

4:46 You know, I had this severe case of one-nightist, you know, like I – in fact, this is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I wanted to marry my first girlfriend, you know, even though we weren't that compatible. But because I had this deep-seated fear that I will never find another woman to like me again, you know, so like I had – you know, I had this like extreme desperation just to like, you know, lock it down, right? Because I don't know when I'm going to get another girlfriend, that kind of stuff.

5:14 So, yeah, you know, very similar to you, Mark, when I had you on the podcast, you know, like we – that's why I related to you so much because I feel like, you know, both you and I had a very similar background. And since then, it's been my mission, you know, to help shy guys who are technically skilled. You know, primarily I work with a lot of engineers, programmers, and developers just because that's my background. And that's, you know, like I understand those people well because I was part of that demographic, right?

5:41 You know, a lot of them are socially inexperienced. You know, like if you think of a typical day for an engineer, programmer, or a developer, they sit in front of the computer. So, you know, they just lack awareness and practice, and that's why they struggle socially. So, I provide useful content for them on my blog, on my website, and on my podcast as well. So, yeah, sorry for the long answer, but that basically sums it up, you know, without being super long-winded. No, that was awesome, man.

6:09 I love that story. And when you first came to – it was Canada, right? Not the United States. Okay. So, when you first came to Canada, you were 17, and I'm actually impressed with how well you speak English, not to mention being a great communicator, but just even your pronunciation. Because, you know, I went to Japan when I was 25, and I never really mastered pronunciation because by that time, they kind of say that your palate is developed, and you should be learning a language before 17. So, props on that, very impressive.

6:39 But that being said, you started learning English when you were 17. When did you kick off – like, how old were you when you kicked off this whole, I got to understand social confidence, I got to learn how to communicate, and then how old are you now? So, what I want to show my guys is that this is the trajectory. This is how many years it took for you to get from basically zero to ten, and how many years was that? How long have you been doing this?

7:06 Oh, man. So, I would say my journey started around 2021. I'm currently 34. I'll be 35 this year. And it's funny because I forgot to mention, I used to be overweight, too. So, at 5'5", I used to weigh 200 pounds. And back in high school, I thought – I noticed all the attractive girls were going for, you know, like, the jocks. And I'm like, oh. So, I thought that was the key, right? Like, I had to get in shape in order to get the girls. So, my first, you know, like, journey into self-development was actually through fitness.

7:37 And what's funny, Mark, was even though I got in shape, I was still socially awkward, you know. Like, yes, I had abs, I had muscles or whatever. But I, you know, like, I still didn't solve the issue of social confidence because I went about it in an indirect way. You know, it's funny because I'm sure you've encountered this before. Like, you'll have, you know, guys come in to you and they have these limiting beliefs like, I got to have money or, like, I got to have, you know, like, a six-pack or, you know, like, I got to be, like, super, you know, like, successful and popular for the girls to like me.

8:08 I'm just like, yeah, they kind of help. But, you know, in the grand scheme of things, if you want to succeed socially, the best way to do that is to be social, is to talk to people. You know, like, those things do help in your overall confidence and, like, value as a person. But if you want to improve socially, you can't skip the fact that you have to go out and socialize. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's too bad it's not just based on looks.

8:31 I mean, because, you know, it's easy to put hard work in the gym. It's easy to get the six-pack, at least I thought it was relatively easy to improve your looks. But it just doesn't work that way. It works for women, but it doesn't work for us. We have to get social. We've got to build our frame. So with that being said, what are some good initial steps guys can take? So I like to give really tactile, usable, deployable advice on this podcast. And I want to give them, like, a step-by-step system.

9:00 So let's say that they're in a situation that is similar to ours. They're very socially awkward. In my case, I couldn't even look at a girl, let alone go talk to one. So I want to start at, like, the basic steps. And then we ramp up to the more difficult steps until you're at a point where when you just open a girl and you could even say anything, she's getting attracted to you just by your presence, just by your bearing. So what are some initial easy steps we can do to get ourselves into more social confidence and build up that frame, that all-important frame?

9:33 Sure. Before I answer your question, though, I just want to add one more thing to the thing that I said beforehand. I will say, though, that money, looks, and, you know, success, like, they're important. But there is a point of diminishing returns. So as far as money is concerned, as long as you're not homeless or, like, a bum, as long as you got, you know, like, a job that pays your bills and you can afford your own place, right, you know, you can drive, like, a decent car or you live downtown, then that's okay.

9:59 Because at the end of the day, you know, like, if you want a girlfriend or, like, even if you just want to have, like, a good social circle, you know, I think it's important to have your own place. And I don't know if you can relate to this, Mark, but before I moved out of the house, I definitely wasn't as confident, especially socially, because, you know, like, when you live at home or when you live with your parents, you know, like, you just have this, like, fear, right?

10:23 Like, you know, like, you can't bring someone home, you can't really throw parties or whatever. Like, you don't have this sense of independence. So I think, like, money to a certain point does help. But, again, there's a point of diminishing return. Same with fitness, right? It's funny because there was a video that I watched on YouTube where this guy was surveying girls at the gym, sorry, girls at the beach, and they were asking girls which one they prefer. Would they prefer a guy with, like, six-pack or a dad bod?

10:50 And it's funny because 70% of women actually preferred the dad bod, right? And the reason that they were saying was because, you know, like, he's more relatable, he's less narcissistic. But then they all said that, like, as long as he's not fat, you know, like, and they all said that, like, guys who are, like, overly muscular tend to be narcissistic, assholes, that kind of stuff, right? So, again, you know, like, dress well, you know, earn the money, get in shape. But, again, there's a point of diminishing return.

11:19 And once you've reached that, then you've got to shift your focus into something else. So I just wanted to add that part. Absolutely true. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. So let's answer your question. So let's tackle the issue of social confidence, right? So before I tackle that, let's define the word confidence first, right? So, Mark, what's your – by the way, Mark, what's your definition of confidence? Huh. Just put me on the spot there, bro. Don't even worry about preparing me. Confidence, it's just belief in yourself, man.

11:51 Belief in yourself, your ability, right? Confidence comes from competence. Exactly. Right. So, yeah, it's that internal belief in yourself, I can do it. And, yeah, that's my definition for sure with the 0.3 seconds I had to think about it, which I appreciate. You nailed it. Yeah, for sure. Confidence definitely comes from competence, you know. And the thing is confidence is very domain-specific, right? So, for example, let's say you're confident at playing, you know, tennis doesn't automatically make you confident at playing ping pong, right? You know, just because you're confident at driving a manual – an automatic transmission car doesn't make you automatically confident driving a manual transmission car, right?

12:32 Because those are – they require different skill sets, right? And, you know, you have to be competent with the skill set in order to be confident. Does that make sense? So, in order to be socially confident, you need to be competent with the skill sets you need to develop, right? Because the thing is a lot of guys, you know, just because they're socially awkward, you know, like they view it as an attack to their identity. They're like, oh, I'm just not social. I'm no good at this, whatever.

13:00 Instead, what I – you know, for everyone listening who is struggling socially, I want you to view it as just a lack of skill set, right? So, the question you should be asking is, okay, I'm shy, I'm socially inexperienced, what skill sets do I need to develop in order to be socially confident? And I'm going to give you five skill sets that you need to develop, right? Number one, you need to improve your mindset. Then we're going to go into actionable tips with every single one of this.

13:26 So, number one would be you need to improve your mindset. Number two, you need to know how to give a killer first impression. Number three, you need to build your courage. Number four, you need to improve your conversation skills. And number five, you need to show up at the right place. Make sense, Mark? Then we're going to get into all the tips individually. Sounds good to you. I love that. I love those actionable, here's the five-step process. Yes, I love that, man. Thanks for bringing that.

13:51 Let's get into number one. How do you do that? For sure. So, step number one is the mindset, right? So, a lot of guys, you know, like I'm sure they've been in this situation where they, you know, like they're at a social gathering. They want to approach a group of people and introduce themselves. Or they're at a coffee shop. They see someone they find attractive and they want to make a move, right? And then they have that nagging voice in their heads that tells them, oh, you can't do it.

14:15 Like, what's the point? You're going to make a fool of yourself anyway, whatever, blah, blah, blah, right? Those are called your limiting beliefs. And your beliefs come from your beliefs come from the stories that you create when you have an experience, right? So, let's say, you know, back in the day, like maybe when you were, and Mark, you would know this a lot because you do, you know, you're very well versed in NLP. Let's say like when you were a kid, you were bullied or like you were teased or made fun of.

14:41 And then you started to create the story, right, that I'm not good enough, I'm not attractive, girls wouldn't like me, whatever, blah, blah, blah, right? So, your first step in becoming socially confident is you need to identify all the limiting beliefs, the disempowering stories that you tell yourself. And you have to start questioning all of them because until you do this, right, you can have the best style, you can have the best physique, you can have the best stories ever. But if you never overcome your self-doubt, you're just not going to take the necessary action to put yourself out there because you'll always hold yourself back, right?

15:13 So, number one would be, again, you know, identify all the limiting beliefs that you tell yourself and start to look for evidences, right? Start to make a decision on what kind of beliefs do you want to incorporate in your life and start to look for evidences to support that new belief. So, to give you an example, I used to be really insecure about my height. You know, again, I mentioned before that I was 5'5", and a limiting belief that I had before was that white girls wouldn't like me because I'm Asian.

15:38 You know, like those were like two beliefs that really held me back from even making a move. And then when I started to question those beliefs, I started to notice, I'm like, well, is it true that people wouldn't like me because I'm short? Is it true that people wouldn't like me because I'm of a different race? So, I started shifting my focus. I started noticing other short guys who are socially successful, who have amazing girlfriends, who are popular. I started looking at other ethnicities, right? You know, Asians, Indians, blacks, whatever, who are also killing it, you know, socially, right?

16:11 And then I started to, you know, positively brainwash myself. And I'm like, well, if they can do it, I can do it too. Like, they're no different than me. That guy's short. In fact, that guy's even shorter. That guy's not, you know, like, he's not as put together or good looking as me, but he's still killing it. So, now I started to believe that if they can do it, I can do it too. Does that make sense, Mark? Absolutely. Yeah. So, that's step number one with your mindset.

16:36 Number two would be your first impression. I'm sure everyone says, you know, you guys have heard of this before. You never get a second chance to create a great first impression. And what do people see for the first time when, you know, you're out socializing, right? It's your body language, your style, and your overall demeanor, right? Imagine how you treat someone who's frowning, right? With, like, a slump body language compared to someone who's smiling, who's well-dressed, right? You know, very differently. So, the key here is you need to dress intentionally, right?

17:08 You've got to figure out what kind of message you want to send to others because your appearance dictates how people will treat you, right? So, let's say, for example, you want to come across more confident and attractive, but then you wear, you know, like, baggy hoodies and loose-fitting jeans. Then that sends a very different message, right? So, all you've got to do is figure out what message you want to send to other people and then reverse-engineer what's working. Who's already sending those messages? It could be a celebrity.

17:34 It could be an artist. It could be someone you know. And break down what they're wearing, you know, figure out what clothing items they're wearing, right? So, for me, I wanted to come across cool and, like, intriguing. So, I started noticing other guys who exude those messages, right? You know, like David Beckham, Ryan Gosling, Justin Thoreau. And then I just started breaking down what they were wearing, right? You know, a lot of them wear leather jackets, dark colors, minimal patterns. And it's funny, Mark, because when I started emulating their style, I also started being treated as if I was cool and intriguing because I look like it.

18:12 You know what I mean? And for your body language, you know, quick tip here that'll fix your posture. You know, if you're like most of the clients that I've worked with in the past and you have a desk job, then you probably have a bad habit of slouching forward, right? So, before you go out, a quick way to, you know, to make sure that you have good body language is to stand against the wall with the back of your head, the back of your shoulder, your butt, and your heels all touching the wall, right?

18:38 That will ensure that you have good body language so that, you know, like, you're standing straight, you're projecting confidence, and you come across authoritative and charismatic right away. So, that's step number two. Mark, I just want to check in. How are we doing? Do I need to clarify anything so far or how are we doing? I'm doing fantastic, bro. I feel like I'm being taught right now. I love that body language thing. I've never heard that before, so I'm definitely deploying that. But keep it going, bro.

19:02 I'm just here as a student and taking notes, man. So, keep it rolling. Awesome. Awesome. Perfect. So, yeah, the third thing would be to build your courage, right? You know, people say that courage is your ability to act regardless of how you feel, okay? Now, the thing that I see with a lot of people who have approached anxiety is that they just have mismanaged expectations. You know, metaphorically, it's like, you know, you've never been to the gym, you're out of shape, and then out of the blue, you want to start, you know, squatting 200 pounds, right?

19:35 Like, that's just not going to happen, you know? Like, you know, when it comes to improving your fitness, the key here is sustainability, right? And incremental growth, you know, which means that you've got to be showing up consistently, and you need to be improving in small increments, right? So, the same thing with building your courage, right? So, for example, a lot of guys, you know, like, especially if they want to talk to, like, really hot girls, my advice is to not start there, right? My advice is to just be social in general, right?

20:07 So, like, for example, when I first started learning this, before I, you know, I didn't set a goal to, like, get a girlfriend. My goal was just, I just want to talk to five new people per day. And how did I start that? I literally started just by asking for time. Like, literally, every time I went out, I would just ask, you know, like, one to five or ten people every day, hey, excuse me, do you know what time it is? So, that's so important because you're getting into the habit of approaching strangers, right?

20:34 It doesn't even matter what you say initially. What matters is you make the first move because inertia is a real thing, right? You know, like, the whole thing seems so daunting, you know, like, socializing, flirting, having deep conversations. It seems so flirting if you think of it like that. My invitation to you guys is to break it down into smaller steps, right? So, let's say, for example, your goal is to get a girlfriend. Well, before you can get a girlfriend, you need to be able to go on dates.

20:57 Before you can go on dates, you need to be able to flirt. Before you're able to flirt, you need to be able to have conversations with women for, you know, like, around ten minutes, right? And before that, you need to be able to start conversations. And before that, you need to be able to approach women. Now, if you can't approach women, right, break it down even smaller. Approach people in general. Approach old people. Approach people that, you know, like, you're not afraid of getting rejected. You know what I mean?

21:25 Like, you just want to break down your goal into, like, the smallest action that you can take just to get yourself moving. The problem that I see with a lot of guys is, again, metaphorically, they're socially out of shape, but then they want to talk to the super hot girl right away. Well, that's not going to happen, right? Because you don't have the skills and experience to back that up. So, again, in order to build courage, you want to start small. You want to gain as much positive reference experience, right, so that you feel good.

21:51 You develop this belief that it's okay to talk to people. And once you're comfortable talking to people, then you talk to girls. Once you're comfortable talking to girls, then you talk to hotter girls, right, because you want to build things up incrementally. Does that make sense, Mark? Absolutely, and I always suggest, too, even if you're afraid to just go ask people for the time, or what I often do is tell them to ask for directions, you can approach hired help. Like, if you're really, really in a bad place, well, there's people who are hired to talk to you, and those people work at JCPenney, Starbucks, you know, Ralph's, the shopping, the grocery store, wherever you go.

22:24 Just ask them, hey, hey, where's the olive oil? If that's where you're starting, then start there. But you're absolutely right. You have to get your chops up. You have to practice on the easy ones, then incrementally make it more and more difficult. There is no three magic words to say to a beautiful girl where she jumps in the air and slides right onto your dick. As much as marketers want you to believe that, it does not work that way. You got to build up to it.

22:47 So what you said there totally resonate with it, and that's what I teach my clients as well. I love that. Actually, Mark Manson, he wrote the book Models. I believe that was his first book before his best-selling ones. He said, and I'm going to misquote him, but he said something like, there's a big difference between a guy saying attractive things and an attractive man saying things. So if you're like, again, if you don't like yourself, you have no life vision, you have no friends, you're not doing anything with your life, you can have the fanciest pickup lines in the world versus becoming a guy who likes who he is, is well-dressed, has friends, has passions, has a lot of cool and interesting life experience.

23:32 You can literally say, hey, how's it going, and it's going to work, right? Because women and people in general, they're not just hearing your words. They're looking at the person who's saying the words. You know what I mean, Mark? So it's so important to make yourself an attractive person. So at that point, you just need to learn basic storytelling, and then you can basically get away with a lot of stuff. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Yeah. So going back to the fourth step, which is storytelling.

24:02 So, you know, I teach in my social skills coaching program, I teach that there's a structure to what makes a good story, right? There's the beginning, the middle, and the end. And the reason why I bring this up is because a lot of guys, especially engineers, programmers, and developers, the guys that I've worked with, have a bad habit of giving one-word answers in conversation. So for crying out loud, please avoid doing this, okay? So when someone asks you what you do for work, don't just say, I'm an engineer, right?

24:32 When someone asks you where you're from, don't just say, I'm from California, right? Or when someone asks you what you do for fun, don't just say, I like basketball. You know what I mean? Like you want to give more information, you know, follow that format, beginning, middle, end. So for example, let's say someone asks you what you do for work. Instead of just saying, I'm an engineer, go into your job, you know, what do you like about it? How did you get into it? How does it make you feel?

24:56 What are your favorite parts of your job? You know what I mean? Like go into detail. Because the thing is, the more details you share in your stories, number one, the more engaging you become as a storyteller, right? Because you're not just, you know, giving like logical answers, you're being more descriptive. Number two, it's so much easier for people to keep talking to you because they have more information to work with, right? So that's step number four, make sure if you want to become a good storyteller, follow the format of beginning, middle, end when you tell your story and make sure that you go out of your way to share details in your stories so that other people can relate with you better.

25:36 Does that make sense, Mark? Absolutely. And I'd add to that, go for the emotions too. So if you're an engineer and you're like, well, I write HTML code and did you know that the colon has actually been replaced by the semicolon? That's not really going to work. Whereas if you tell a story about why you wanted to become an engineer, maybe an engineer designed some coding that helped your mom recover from cancer or something like that, some inspirational story that you can relate back to her where she's getting into her emotions, that works way better.

26:07 And no matter what you do, there's always something inspirational behind it. And a lot of guys would tell me, well, you know, I'm just a student right now, but I'm working to become XYZ. And I'm like, well, talk about why you're working to become XYZ or I'm a waitress, but I'm trying to become an actor. Talk about what you want to do as an actor. Don't talk about the shitty job that's holding you over. So there's always ways to turn basic conversation into inspiring conversation. And what you do is you get into the emotions and storytelling is a great way to do that.

26:37 Exactly. And, you know, even if you are an engineer and you are talking about, you know, like the logical stuff, follow it with and it makes me feel. So, for example, let's say let's use my previous job as an example. You know, like let's say, oh, I work as a structural designer. I design blueprints all day. You know, like I work for, you know, like this company who designs pipe racks, whatever. And the reason why I like it is because, you know, I love solving problems.

27:05 I get to make a difference in other people's lives. You know, I love building something from nothing. It makes me feel like I'm contributing. It makes me feel a challenge. It makes me feel fulfilled. You know, that kind of stuff. You know what I mean, Mark? Like it's okay to like share the nerdy stuff about what you do as long, kind of like what you said, as long as you follow it up with language and explanation that they can also understand, which is usually emotions and stories.

27:30 Totally. And also you want to get her to explain what she does in a way that gets her into her emotions. What inspired you to want to be a veterinarian? What do you love about it? What's the coolest thing that ever happened in your practice? And then we're getting into emotions. If she's like, oh, I'm a veterinarian. You're like, that's cool. So anyway, do you like weather? You know, these are the kind of conversations that don't elicit attraction. Now, it's not your fault. You just were never taught this until now.

27:57 So now that you know this, you get your social chops up, you build up. And when that hot chick comes around the corner, now you have the skill set to be able to attract her. So number five was. Number five. This is the last one. Exactly. This is now you're going to be intentional with the way you socialize, right? So this comes down to self-awareness. So before we get into this tip right here, I just want to relate it to health and fitness, right? Like there's many ways to get in shape, okay?

28:24 Some people do CrossFit. Some people do bodybuilding. Some people do full body workouts. Some people do, like, you know, prison, you know, playground bodyweight workouts, right? And some people like low-fat, high-carb. Some people like high-fat, low-carb. Some people like mostly vegetables. Some people like to, you know, like they like different kinds of food. The point that I'm trying to make is the best diet is the one that you can stick to. And when it comes to improving your social confidence, the best way to meet people is by doing something that you enjoy and meeting people along the way, okay?

28:59 So there's a formula that I give to my students in the program, and I call it the VVV formula. It's called the value-venue-volume formula, right? So what does that mean? Value is, like, what are things that are important to you? Venue would be where are the venues where these people with the same core values hang out. And number three, this is the most important part, is there enough volume of people for you to practice, right? So, for example, you know, classic advice back in the day is, like, go to bars, go to clubs.

29:28 There's a lot of people there, right? Well, what if you're introverted? You know, the thought of going to a place where there's, like, a lot of stimulation, like light, sound, a lot of people, drunk people, you know? Like, what if that overwhelms you, and you're like, oh, shit, like, this is, you know, okay, I got to go to this, right? So now going out and socializing feels like a chore. And because it feels like a chore, you're not going to stick to it, right? You know, by the time you get there, because you didn't want to be there to begin with, number one, you're not happy.

29:54 Number two, every action you take feels so forced because it's just not the environment that you want to be in, right? Versus if you know you're introverted and you know that you prefer, you know, like, more quiet, more intellectual types of environments, then now you can put yourself in situations where you're most likely to succeed. The same thing goes with people who diet, right? You know, they think that, like, oh, it's got to be the keto diet, it's got to be this kind of diet, it's got to be the vegan diet.

30:22 Well, if you like carbs, and you don't like eating that much fat, and you're trying to fit yourself into eating keto, you're not going to stick to it, right? You're going to be miserable, you're going to relapse, right? And you're just going to beat yourself up. The same thing applies with socializing, right? So the best place for you guys to practice socializing, again, just follow that formula, right? That's going to be up to you, as long as you're figuring out what's important to you, where these people, where these types of people hang out to value the same thing.

30:48 And number three, as long as there's enough volume of people, then that's the best environment for you. I love that, man. The fact that you break everything down into these easy mnemonics, five-step systems, that's so how I coach as well. It's always like, okay, you're going to do X, Y, Z. Let's get to the point. Let's have a towards mentality. Get it done. And I love the tips you gave here. So, Mike, you have been absolutely phenomenal. Why don't you tell our listeners where they can find out more about you and how they can get you as a coach?

31:17 I understand you do have a program as well, correct? I do. And, Mark, I just want to give you credit as well. You're such a great podcaster. You ask great questions. You listen well. And, yeah, the points you make are very relevant. So, yeah, you definitely made this interview really easy for me. Appreciate that, brother. Thank you. Absolutely. So, yeah, so if you guys are interested in finding out more about me, just look up Social Confidence Mastery on Google. I do have a YouTube channel as well.

31:45 Look up Social Confidence Mastery on YouTube. And I do have a podcast very similar to Mark. In fact, Mark's been on my podcast. If you want to check out my podcast and my interview with Mark, type in Social Confidence Mastery on iTunes or on your favorite podcasting platform. I do want to mention that I've also written four books. So, if you just type my name, I know it's a bit of a doozy to spell. But, you know, just make an effort. It's Mike McApinlock. Type that on Amazon and you'll be able to find my books as well.

32:15 And also, the coaching program, you'll find all of that on the website. Fantastic. Well, brother, real recognizes real. And I know I've been in the trenches. And when I heard you, I was like, okay, this dude's the real deal. Got to get him on the podcast. So, guys, I mean, talk about an example of somebody who came from the trenches of, you know, insecurity, not being social, not even speaking the language. And now look where he is. And I'm sure he's achieved that, you know, it's been 14 years, of course, but I'm sure it took, you know, probably five years before you started really, really getting success.

32:47 And that's what it is, man. It's baby steps. Incremental improvement is the nature of all mastery. So, you need to look at it as a marathon, not a sprint. Just continue working on yourself. And like Mike said, putting yourself in a situation where you can enjoyably interact with people and not force yourself to go to these nightclubs where, you know, all that's waiting for you is drunk people, loud music, and rejection after rejection. Wait to do that until you're socially ready and get yourself warmed up by doing things that, you know, are realistic and into your interests.

33:20 So, absolutely fantastic, Mike. Thank you so much for joining us. Want to tell you a quick story. You're Filipino, correct? Yes. So, when I was in high school, this dude had a hat on. It said 100% flip. Have you ever seen that before? No, but I'm sure it's around. Yeah, yeah. So, he wears this hat, dude, and I had no idea what it meant, but I really liked it. Now, being in high school and being socially inept as I was, I liked the hat. So, I went and I got one, right?

33:47 So, dude, I show up to school wearing this fucking hat. This is 100% flip. Dude comes up to me, this other Filipino guy. He's like, you know what that means, right? And I was like, no. He's like, it means 100% Filipino. He's like, you're a white dude. What are you doing? And I was like, oh. And I quickly took it off and shoved it in my backpack. So funny, bro. So funny. The things that we do to try to be cool. So, anyway, brother, thanks again for coming.

34:09 Really enjoyed it. And guys, check him out. The real deal right here. Mike McApinlack. Thanks a lot, brother. Well, bro, you're Filipino in my books. That's for sure. Thanks, man. All right, guys. All right, guys. I'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast.

34:26 We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast. We'll see you on the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.