Fear of Rejection? Don't Fall Into This #1 Approach Anxiety Trap!

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. Now, that title that you read may sound familiar, and that's because it is familiar. This was episode 285, which talks about approach anxiety and how to beat it, which I recorded on September 13, 2021. And you may be wondering, why am I doing a re-release? I almost never do these.

0:41 The reason is, is because I'm sick. My daughter started preschool about four months ago. She's caught 63,421 colds, all of which I have completely decimated. So the other night, I'm kind of putting her to bed, and I'm like, good night, Lucia, have a good night. And she's like, right in my fucking eyeball, dude, like all this spit goes in my eyeball. And I was like, bro, cover your mouth, Lucia. You're three years old. Why haven't we taught you that general life skill yet? So you just imagine like one of those Hollywood movies, all the bacteria going into my eyeball and then going all throughout my body.

1:16 And usually my immune system is kick-ass, but I'm replacing my assistant right now. I got some other things happening in my business, so it's been a little stressful. I've been a little bit lacking sleep, and it got me this morning. And it's actually my birthday on Friday, February 3rd. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to give myself a pass, let my voice rest, let me heal up from this cold. And I actually have two really good episodes I was going to record today.

1:40 So stay tuned for those to drop on Monday and Thursday. And boys, regarding my birthday, since I am replacing my assistant, I'm doing all the emails myself. We are already getting hundreds of emails. So while I know you want to wish me a happy birthday, if you could just not wish me a happy birthday, I'd really appreciate it because it's like another email I have to attend to. And since I'm replacing my assistant and I'm sick, I'm hoping to minimize some of that work. But my new assistant should kick off next week, if not already, because I am recording this on Sunday.

2:12 So hopefully by Thursday I'll have hired one, and hopefully she'll be off to the races by the time this drops. But if you could kindly abstain from wishing me a happy birthday, I would appreciate that. But gentlemen, this one is a really good episode. I just listened to it, and I was like, yeah, man, that is something they need to hear again about why you have approach anxiety and how to overcome it. And one of the biggest kind of philosophical reasonings that a lot of guys make to themselves as to why they can't approach a woman that I think will really shock some of you and really resonate with some of you.

2:43 So enjoy this episode. Once again, I have two on deck that are coming next week that are really, really good. So please stay tuned for that. I do appreciate the birthday wishes. I will have a great weekend. Got some fun planned. So I'll catch up with you guys next Monday. Listen to this shit, man. This is a good episode. All right, let's kick it off. All right, so let's really look at this whole approach thing. Okay, so when we approach a woman, we are, for all intents and purposes, giving her the power to either accept us or reject us, right?

3:13 Seemingly. Okay, so we go up. We make our best sales pitch or the best quote-unquote sales pitch we're able to, considering the massive adrenaline dump that's happening in our brain, putting most of us into what I call screensaver mode, which is the inability to talk. But essentially what we're doing is we're going up and saying, hey, I'm interested in you, wanted to come meet you, and she has the power to either accept us or reject us. Okay, now, that fundamental frame of her being able to reject you is really bothersome to a lot of guys.

3:48 And I dare say it was bothersome to me as well because, and here's the big point, why would I give her the power to reject me? How is she good enough to reject me? I'm the fucking man. I'm a champion. I'm worth a ton. I'm a goddamn 10. So do I really want to put myself out there so that she can reject me so she can say to herself, oh, yeah, I rejected that guy. Like, yeah, he's good looking, he's ripped, he's got lots of money, he's charismatic, but no, I didn't want him.

4:17 And then he has to walk off with his tail between his legs, having been rejected by the woman, he doesn't want to give her that power. Are you guys resonating with this? You don't want to give her the power to reject you because your ego is so consolidated that you are a champion, you're afraid that by her saying you're not a champion is going to crumble seemingly indestructible ego, which in reality is a quivering little embryo that is super sensitive and able to get crushed because you have an illusion about what your self-worth really is.

4:49 So when we're afraid to give women power to reject us, what that really says is that we're not solid enough in our own self-esteem to be able to withstand her inaccurate, and I really want to stress inaccurate opinion of us when we approach her. Okay, so are you guys with me on this? We don't want to give her the power because we're thinking to ourselves, who the fuck is she? How is she going to judge me? Look at her, bro. Like, she doesn't deserve to judge me.

5:17 I'm freaking James, I'm Ben, I'm Adam, I'm Mike, I'm Dave, whatever your name is. You're like, who is this chick? Like, I'm not going to give her the fucking power to put me down and tell me that I'm not worth it. Nah, she's not worth it, bro. And because she's not worth it, I'm not going to approach her. And this is the subconscious rationale that so many of you guys are making to yourselves. I did it to myself for tons of years before I figured it out that I didn't want to give her the power.

5:45 I didn't want to give her the ability to reject me because I feel I'm better than her, because I feel I'm more attractive than her, because I feel I'm out of her league. And this can be one of the pitfalls of really building up your self-esteem is that you don't think any girl is even worth it to reject that awesome, quote unquote, ego that you have created. Okay, now I want to reframe this, okay? So we have that basic fundamental principle that we don't want to give her the power.

6:14 She's not worth it. Who the fuck is she? Okay, we got that. Now we put that in front of us and we keep it right there in front of us so we can look at it. Now I want to kind of look at it at a different perspective. What if I was to tell you, if you don't approach her, she just won. You just gave her the power. She basically just rejected you or I should say she won because you were too cowardly to even approach her.

6:36 So she outframed you because you're afraid of her opinion, right? You're afraid of her opinion of saying, no, you're not enough. So what you've done is you've explained it to yourself as I'm not going to give her the power to reject me. But what really happened is you're afraid of her opinion to reject you because if you didn't truly fucking care about what she thought, you wouldn't be afraid of her rejecting you. You would think as I think that she's an idiot if she rejects you, that her filter is broken.

7:07 She didn't know what was standing in front of her. She made the biggest mistake of her life, which is how I reframe it. And how I want you to reframe it is this, I'm not going to give her the power to intimidate me. I'm not going to give her the power to make me say I don't want to approach her. In fact, I'm going to prove to her that I'm not afraid of her, that even if she does reject me, it's going to make no effect on me, that I'm internally validated.

7:31 I'm not externally validated, meaning I don't really care what she thinks because what I think of myself has so much importance in my own mentality that what she thinks has no influence. So by approaching that woman, instead of convincing yourself that who the fuck is she to judge me, you reframe it completely on a different channel that is, I'm not afraid of her. I don't care what she thinks of me. In fact, if she rejects me, I'm going to think less of her because I'm going to think she's an idiot.

8:03 Or I am going to arrive to the very realistic conclusion that she may have a myriad of different things going on that I have no idea about. Her ex-boyfriend could have texted her that day. She could have been fired. Her mom could have gotten sick. Her dog could have died. Who the fuck knows? So we never, when we're rejected, attribute it to ourselves. In fact, when a girl likes me and chooses me, I don't even really attribute that to myself. Because I'm so internally validated, just like I said in the beginning of this podcast, I make myself laugh.

8:33 I entertain myself. I think this podcast is the shit, bro. I fucking love my podcast. I'm giving this bitch five stars all day long. I listen to every episode I record. I don't know if every podcast guy does that, but I do because I literally enjoy it. I'm like, oh, what did Mark Singh say today? I look forward to Mondays and Thursdays, as I know some of you do as well. So that's what I'm saying, bro. I want you to be your own hero to the point where what she thinks of you doesn't fucking matter.

9:00 And you are not going to let her intimidate you. You are going to approach her and let that be a symbol to her that you are not intimidating me. You are not going to make me fail. I am going to succeed. And little girl, I'm going to bring you good energy. As I always say to you guys, I want you bringing her good energy, which means feeling just a little bit better than she feels, feeling good in your heart, going up, brightening her day, having charisma, which means leave her better from having met you.

9:30 Even if she denies you, I want you to leave her better from having met you. You go up perhaps and give her a nice compliment, which is what I call a direct approach, which is, hey, saw you standing over here. I thought you were absolutely beautiful. I'd be kicking myself the rest of the day unless I came to meet you. What's up? My name is Mark. What's your name? She's like, I'm not interested. I'll be like, all right, no problem. Have a great day. And you walk away.

9:53 And even though she rejected you, she reacted negatively, which, you know what? It's her right to do that. It's her right to say yes or no. That's the feminine right. And we're giving her that right. But we're not going to give her the power to influence us. So when I walk away, I literally think to myself, are you fucking crazy? Like, what the hell is wrong with your filter where Mark Singh, probably one of the most interesting guys you'll ever meet in your fucking life, definitely one of the best conversations you'll ever have with the dude when he first approaches you, just got rejected because of whatever reason, right?

10:26 Whatever her reason is. Maybe she has bad breath. Her B.O. smells like a burning tire that got shit on by a sumer wrestler. When she farts, it clears out the room. She laughs like a fucking sea donkey. When she comes, she pulls out your hair and scratches your back. Like, guys, we are giving women way too much power. We're giving them way too much credit for being hot. And we are giving them way too much influence over our own self-esteem. And we are making the reason I'm not enough where it could be some other reason.

10:55 She has a boyfriend. She's getting married. She's obsessed with black dudes. And you're a white dude. Who the fuck knows? And who the fuck cares? The only thing that matters is that you had the balls to approach her and you didn't let her intimidate you. You said to yourself, that girl is banging, bro. She's a 10. I'm scared, but I'm going to fucking do it anyway. That's a man. That's a warrior. That is being your own hero. So enough of this. No, she doesn't get to reject me.

11:23 She doesn't get to judge me. She's not worth it. Because, bro, you're making an excuse on a different channel and the ego is very slick at coming in through the back door, rationalizing things to you that's going to convince you to do something or not do something that you know you should. Because the ego is fear. That's all it is. It's fear. It wants to be better than people. It wants people to validate its own worth. Fuck all that, dude. Drop it. Say, yo, I'm not going to let her intimidate me because I'm self-validated.

11:52 I know I'm a champion. I know I'm a great guy. I am my own hero. And I'm going to prove that to her and prove it to myself, more importantly, by going to approach her. And you know what? If it goes bad, I'm going to leave her better from having met me. Why? Because I'm a light onto this world. And as I discussed in a previous podcast, what would love do? Love always ameliorates people. Love always leaves people better from having met you. And when you do that, you acted correctly.

12:19 You acted in a way where you can smack yourself on the back and say, yeah, brother, I am my own hero. And at the end of your life, you're not going to congratulate yourself for all the times where you didn't approach that girl. You're going to congratulate yourself for all the times you did approach the girl. And even if you were rejected, you're still going to be like, damn, dude, I had some balls, bro. Like I was a fucking warrior, man. And I did it. I did it.

12:42 As Gustav, my client said, you never regret approaching a woman. You always regret not approaching. So let's rationalize it on the different channel of, I will not be intimidated. I will not negotiate with the terrorists of limiting thoughts within my head. I will not be a fucking coward. But instead, I'm going to be a man. I'm going to be my own hero. I am going to approach that girl no matter how intimidating she is. I'm going to show her as well as myself that I'm fucking brave, that I'm a warrior, that I do what I fear anyway.

13:13 Because courage doesn't come before you do the thing. It comes after. And once you prove to yourself and prove to her that she cannot intimidate you, which by the way, when she's really hot, that alone may get you a phone number. I'll tell you what, especially if she's a nine or a 10, just the courage to approach, the courage to sit there and endure the social pressure is extremely attractive. And no more will you say, well, I'm good looking. I'm rich. I'm ripped. I'm a great guy.

13:38 I'm a 10. I've been listening to the UMP and my confidence is skyrocketing. So I'm not going to give her the power. If she wants me, she can come to me. You guys, that is a limiting belief system and it's an excuse. It's a clever excuse that had me tricked for at least five years until I figured it out, reframed it. And now when I see a girl, the only thing that matters to me is what I think of myself. And the only thing that matters is did you approach?

14:05 I don't care if she liked you. I don't care if you got her phone number. I don't care if you were rejected so hard your fucking pants flew off when the concussion hits. Doesn't matter, bro. Did you walk over and talk to her? That's where we base our feelings of self-worth on. So here it is, brother. The next time you see a hot girl, here's your homework, man. You fucking go approach her. Show her you cannot be intimidated. Show her you will not negotiate with the terrorists of limiting belief systems in your own head.

14:32 Show yourself that you are a legend, a champion, that you earn the right to be your own hero and go approach that girl. And even if you're rejected, I don't care, man. I'm patting you on the shoulder. And I want you to imagine me walking up next to you, shoulder to shoulder as brothers, my shield over you, protecting you like the Spartans that we are. I'm right next to you. I'm watching you. And when you're done, no matter what happens, I'm smacking you on the back.

14:56 I'm giving you a big hug. I'm telling you, I'm proud of you, bro. I'm proud of you, man. And you should be proud of yourself because your own opinion is the only thing that matters. All right, gentlemen, I hope that hit a chord with you. I hope it convinced you, as it did me, that your rationale of why not to approach women is completely an ego-based fear that has cleverly, clever like a fox, created a false reason as to why you're not approaching women. And I hope this is going to help you overcome your approach anxiety to the point where the next girl you see, you are going to approach, even if she's right there right now.

15:31 Right now, bro, pull over that car. Go talk to her. Go walk out of your classroom. Go talk to her. Go walk down that aisle. Go talk to her. See that girl in the gym? You know you're working out right now. Go fucking talk to her. Ask her a quick question and then eject. And pat yourself on the shoulder knowing that you had the courage, brother. You did it. You need to be proud of yourself. You need to be your own hero. You have that warrior within you.

15:54 Let him shine. Go do it now. No fear. Never fucking quit. Never out of the fight. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, and I would hope. That after that little kick in the ass, you would tune in again. Maybe even give me five stars and leave some writing behind it. I very much appreciate that. If you do that, email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com, and I will send you a bunch of cool shit. Smack on the ass.

16:19 I'll get your name tattooed on my neck. I'll rename my first child after you, and I'll get a life-size statue of you put in my backyard with Le Champion chiseled into the granite beneath your feet. You are a legend, brother. And remember, the only person that has to believe that is you. When you believe it, when you are your own hero, the sky's the limit. So keep pushing, keep going. You have everything it takes to get to the top. All right, brothers, make sure to stay tuned for the next one.

16:46 I got lots of this shit to come, and I will see you in the next episode. I got lots of this shit to come, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.