Frame Control Tennet #4: Be Disagreeable. Ask for Favors

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me. And today we are going to talk about how to strengthen your frame, significantly strengthen your frame so that when you talk to women, essentially what this means is when you talk to women, you don't turn into a bumbling jackass. You don't have a big ass smile on your face that makes it look like all your Christmases arrived on the same day, as well as all your birthdays, all your Hanukkahs, all your Easter's, and every Thanksgiving arrived on the same day.

0:46 And you're just happy as can be to be talking to this hot girl. You don't go into screensaver mode. You don't turn into bumbling jackass, nerd mannerism, captain of the SS douche canoe, but instead you can just talk to her like I'm talking to you now. No big deal, no social pressure, no big whoop. But how do we do that? Well, just like anything else, we have to train ourselves to endure the social pressure. Because essentially, when you're attracted to a woman, what this does in your psychology is it makes you feel more social pressure by talking to her.

1:19 And we've all felt that fear. I mean, how many of us, and I know pretty much every single guy listening, apart from a few of you, every single guy listening knows what it's like to see a super hot girl and be afraid to talk to her. Why are you afraid? Because you can't endure the social pressure. You're externally validated too much so that you rely too much on what people think of you. Maybe you have some shame around your sexuality, as I talked about in the last podcast, and some other issues, but most of which you just don't know what to say because you're afraid you're going to get stifled.

1:50 You're afraid you're going to go into screensaver mode. You don't really have a lot of content. But essentially, the core of it is that you can't endure social pressure. You're not used to being uncomfortable, bro. You're not used to putting yourself outside your comfort zone so that talking to this girl is like no big whoop. But when you get good at enduring social pressure by specifically putting yourself in uncomfortable social situations, talking to a hot girl is like no big deal. You can open any girl you see because, bro, you practice this all the time.

2:20 So the reason I'm doing this podcast is because today, actually, I just got back from this. Today, I was at Best Buy, okay, and I was buying a new headset for my coaching calls. I get on the coaching calls with you guys, and I use this really cool headset, and the one I had was kind of getting old. It was kind of getting janky, and I felt like the sound was kind of getting a little bit low quality, so I went and bought a new one.

2:41 Well, dude, I walk in. There's no one fucking there. By the time I walk up to the line, there's literally like 25 people in line, and I was like, oh my hell, this is going to take literally like 25 to 30 minutes. This is taking so slow. They got one cash register open. Things are taking forever. I'm just like, dude, I'm not going to wait in this fucking line. So I was like, yo, I'll just go put this back. I'll come back some other time, and I was like, no, no, no, motherfucker.

3:05 This is the time to put yourself under social pressure. So here's what I did. I walk up to the front of the line, and I literally yell out loud, attention, everybody, please. I have a nanny that's going to leave in 15 minutes. I don't have time to stand in this line. Do any of you object with me just jumping ahead real quick? Literally, I'm just buying this one thing. Do you mind if I just jump in real quick, get this done so that I can get home, relieve my nanny so that I can take care of my daughter?

3:32 Okay. Do you think one person said no? No, everybody nodded. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Go ahead. So what happens? I jump in front of the line. I fucking buy my headset, and I dig out, and I literally save myself 30 minutes of hassle because I'm willing to endure social pressure and put myself out there. So one of the cool things about getting good with women, one of the cool things of becoming an unapologetic alpha silverback, is that, dude, your life becomes so much easier because you have the balls to ask for things.

3:57 And that's what this episode is all about. This episode is all about me challenging you to ask for things. Okay. Now, am I expecting you to do what I just did today? Not tomorrow, but eventually, hopefully you'll get there. But when you get really good with women, dude, you're not afraid to ask for favors. You're not afraid to ask for discounts. You're not afraid to jump in front of the line in front of people like I did today. You're just like, yo, like I deserve the best in life, and I'm going to fucking ask for it.

4:30 I'm going to ask for it. Now, quick caveat to this, obviously, without stabbing other people in the back, obviously, with adding value to this world, not being a taker. But dude, you are a soul too. You are a man too. You deserve the best. And simply asking you guys, I cannot even stress how important this is. Simply asking for things will get you guys so much free shit, so many discounts, so many skip the line, so many free parking spots, so many fill in the blank.

4:53 I do this literally all the time. And after that happened, I was walking out to my car. Literally, this happened 15 minutes ago. I was walking out to my car and I was just thinking back to all the times I just asked for shit. Like I went to the Supercross race the other day and I'm like, damn, the parking's like hella far. So I pull up and I'm like, yo, hey man, you seem pretty cool. I love Supercross. I come all the time. Could I just fucking sneak up in there, man, and grab that spot?

5:18 Please, bro. Could I just do that, man? Please? He's like, you know what? Yeah, go for it. Boom. Free parking spot. I call my cell phone company. I'm like, hey, listen, I've been with you guys for like 10 years. Could I get a better deal on my package, please? Could you take like some percentage off? Oh yeah, for sure. The other day, I went through Carl's Jr. I got my crisp cut fries, which is my thing lately on my cheat meal, which I do once a week.

5:41 The other day, I did a podcast for you guys and I accidentally said I have a cheat meal every day. That was a mistake. Sometimes I say things mistakenly and I don't catch it in the moment because I'm like flowing so fast. I'm trying to get to the next thought. I do one cheat meal a week. So occasionally I'll go to Burger King. Occasionally I'll go to Carl's Jr. And Carl's Jr. has these like amazing crisp cut fries. So I go through the drive-thru. I get my crisp cut fries, my Diet Coke, and I'm like eating them and they're cold, right?

6:04 So fuck that. You think Mark Singh is going to take some cold fries? Hell no. So I walk in and I'm cool about it. I'm super cool. I'm like, hey guys, these are really cold. This is my once a week cheat meal. Could I please get some new hot crisp cut fries right out of the fryer? And they're like, oh yeah, sir. For sure. For sure. Is there anything else I can get you as well? And I was like, how about you throw a burger on there as well?

6:26 He's like, oh yeah, for sure, man. Anything else? And I was like, yeah. What about one of those chocolate cookies right there? Are those any good? He's like, yeah, for sure. So I built a whole meal out of this. And I was like, hell yeah, dude, I'll take all this shit. If you're going to give it to me, I'll take it. And you think he gives a shit? No, he's just working. He's just doing his thing. He doesn't give two shits if he's going to give a few things away.

6:44 And when you're cool to people, this is the main lesson here. When you're cool to people and you ask for shit, you would be amazed at what you can get. I mean, I'm always getting free shit. I can't even think of a day that goes by where I don't get some sort of hookup, some sort of rebate, some sort of whatever, dude, just by asking for shit. Okay. So to get a strong frame, you need to be comfortable in those uncomfortable situations. The reason why nobody said no to me when I was in Best Buy and I was like, yo, 25 people, is it okay if I jump in front of you?

7:18 Do you think any of those people were stoked to see this motherfucker, this fucking asshole jump in front of them? No, nobody really wanted me to do that. But here's the thing, bro. They were fucking scared. They were scared to speak up in front of both me as well as everybody else and say, no, man, I'm not cool with that. And I'll tell you what, if I was the dude in line, well, maybe that's not true. But part of me, if I was in the dude in line, I'd be like, nah, bro, get in the back of the line like the rest of us.

7:43 And if you need to talk about it outside, let's go ahead and do that. Although another part of me would be like, yeah, you know, he's late. He has to relieve his nanny, blah, blah, blah. But the point of the matter is, is that most people can't take social pressure. Okay. Most people are so fucking scared of being embarrassed, of putting themselves out there, of going against societal norms. They won't even speak up for themselves. These are the same lemmings that wait in line, never ask for rebates, pay full price on a car, park way out in buttfuck Egypt when they go to a baseball game.

8:15 These are the people who are afraid living life in fear. If you knew how much people live life in fear, it would boggle your fucking mind. So part of becoming an unapologetic alpha silverback, as I always say, is addressing your fears, going into them as much as possible and thereby overcoming them and not being ruled by them as much as you were before. So I'm going to give you a challenge. I want you to ask for something. I want you to ask for a rebate. I want you to ask for a lower cost on your cell phone.

8:47 I want you to ask for a free parking spot. I want you to ask for another hamburger. The next time you go to Burger King or Carl's Jr, whatever it is, ask for something. When you do that, you are going to feel that uncomfortable social pressure, almost like a cross between embarrassment and having projectile diarrhea. You guys have all felt that. It's this shitty feeling and you're like, oh, I really don't like this. That same feeling that all those lemmings that were in the Best Buy line wanted to avoid and I knew they're going to want to avoid it.

9:15 That's why I wasn't afraid to ask for it. It's going to feel shitty, but you just sit there and endure it. So here's an idea. This actually comes from the book Never Split the Difference, which is by an FBI negotiator, Chris Voss. Yeah, Never Split the Difference. I did a podcast on it, I don't know, probably like a year and a half ago. He says, hey, do you have the Chris discount? Hey, do you have the Chris discount? And you guys, like most shops, most stores, most whatever are allowed to offer some kind of discount.

9:48 There's always some kind of discount. So you say, hey, what's up, Kelly? My name's Mark. Do you happen to have the Mark discount today? And you give a little wink and a smile. Just be charming, be friendly, be charismatic, brighten her day. And she's going to be like, yeah, for sure. We have like a coupon code for 15% off or I can throw in this extra thing. I can sign you up to this. There's always some perks available, boys, because most stores, most shops, they offer perks as a way to get their customers to come back, but nobody asks for them because they're too fucking afraid.

10:17 So even if you're going through a Walmart, Target, take the social pressure and ask for the discount. Why are we doing this? Because I told you the ability to endure social pressure in front of a woman is essentially a symbol of your frame. And what is frame? It's your ability to lead her to where she wants to be led, to endure the social pressure, to be non-reactive, to not be affected by her bitchiness, to essentially be on what I call your inner balance point during the conversation with the woman.

10:46 So when guys are off their inner balance point, they get spazzy, they get nerd mannerisms, they do little disclaimer laugh after what they say, they apologize for what they say. They're all like weird and uncomfortable. Whereas a guy who's good with women makes no apology for what he's doing and makes no apology for who he is. So he's stalwart. He's on his inner balance point. And that is extremely attractive. How do we get there? I just told you by putting ourselves in uncomfortable social situations. This also includes boys, the ability to say no to people.

11:14 For example, if I was in that line and some motherfucker did that, I'd be like, nah, man, get to the back of the line. Sorry. Sorry. We're all late too, bro. You think we don't have shit to do? Like you don't think our nannies are about to get relieved and we have to get home too? You got to wait like the rest of us, brother. Get in the back of the line. Now I would have probably done that because as I've explained in this podcast, I always feel confrontation before I feel the compassion.

11:38 Unless I'm really in the present moment and I'm feeling very Eckhart Tolle-ish. Eckhart Tolle wrote The Power of Now. He's an enlightened master, blah, blah, blah. But anyway, usually I'm in the state of like, nah, man, fuck off. Get to the back of the line. And that's probably what I would have said. Unless of course, if I was feeling compassionate, maybe I would have spoken up and be like, you know what? Go ahead, brother. Go ahead, man. And I hope it gets paid forward to me and maybe I'll be the next dude who cuts in line.

12:07 So go ahead. Yeah, man, go for it. And it's like, I'm leading that interaction, right? Like there's 25 people there and I'm the only motherfucker who's strong enough to speak up on everybody's behalf. What does that do? If there was a hot girl on the line, which unfortunately there wasn't because she would have gotten attracted to me had she saw what I did. If there was a hot girl on that line, she would have known that I was the alpha, the leader, the guy who's not afraid to speak up and lead everybody and tell them what the fuck is going to happen.

12:32 So I want you to be that guy by challenging yourself. And listen, if somebody asks you for something you don't want to do, just say no. No, man. No. Like with my coaching program, I have a set price. Everybody pays the same price. Somebody asked me for a rebate. I'm like, no. And I don't even need to explain to you why I'm saying no. It's just no, dude. Like everybody plays the same price. I'm not going to negotiate. I'm not going to play your little games.

13:00 No, you cannot have a discount. There you go. And I'm unapologetic. I'm non-reactive. I'm not like angry about it. Like, no, how dare you ask me for a rebate? Honestly, if guys ask for a rebate, I kind of respect that. But just so you guys know, I ain't doing it. No fucking way. I don't care what you explain to me. I don't care what your reasoning is. It's no. And it's a high quality no. And what is a high quality no? It's a no that doesn't have the energy of anger behind it.

13:26 The energy of anger comes from a place of reactivity, which is the opposite of frame control. Can you see how that works? When you have a strong frame, you are non-reactive. You don't give a shit about outcome. So when you're like, dude, fuck you. No, man, that's you off your inner balance point. You being reactive. Therefore, you not controlling the frame. So a girl asked me like, hey, I'm drunk. Can you come pick me up? Depends on where I'm at in the relationship. Depends on like how many pushes I have versus pulls, where I'm at the 8,100 rule, a myriad of circumstances.

14:00 But let's say she's already asked for too much of me. She's like, hey, I'm really drunk. You pick me up. I'll be like, nope. Sorry, I'm in bed. Hope you get home, sweetie. Good luck. Call an Uber. Peace. Right? That shows her like, I'm not a lap dog. I'm not going to be Mr. Nice Guy who she can just use for rides and do her favors. And therefore, I'm not going to end up in the friend zone. But instead, I'm going to end up in the squishminton.

14:26 I'm going to have sex with her probably within a couple of days because I'm not afraid of confrontation. I'm not afraid to say no. I'm not afraid for favors. And this goes with women too. Why don't you guys ever ask women, hey, I'm drunk. Can you come pick me up? I mean, some of you guys do, and sometimes that comes off as asshole-ish, but the majority of you guys suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome because you're afraid of confrontation. You're afraid of social discomfort. You're afraid to be disagreeable.

14:52 I am urging you to be disagreeable. I am urging you to ask for shit. I am urging you to say no to people who are trying to mistreat you, trying to take advantage of you. Brother, you are first. Your soul is number one. You are the number one guy in your life and you need to address him first before you address other people and be a floor mat for these chicks who are just going to fucking use you. So that's my challenge to you. I want you to go ask for rebate.

15:18 I want you to ask for some free shit. I want you to ask for parking spots. I want you to call up Verizon and try to get a better deal on your cell phone coverage. Call up your landlord. Try to get some shit from him. This is my challenge to you and it's going to directly influence your attractiveness to women. You are going to become more attractive. A lot of guys come into my coaching program and I can tell, dude, they're too soft. They're too soft and women have walked all over them.

15:44 They're Mr. Nice Guy. They have no spine. Women disrespect that. Their job is to test your boundaries and if you fail, they lose all attraction for you. But when a woman tests my boundaries, dude, immediately she knows I'm not to be fucked with. This doesn't mean, guys, that I'm an asshole. In fact, I'm super fucking cool. But my respect, my favor must be earned. And that's what I tell to women. It's the same thing with my coaching program. Like I don't let any dude through the door.

16:13 I need commitment. I need to be told that he's going to do the fucking work. He's not going to disappear after week three and I can't reach him. I want guys who are going to get to the finish line because selfishly, I want successes under my belt. So when I say no to somebody, it's a non-reactive no. I'm not like, no, man, you can't come in here. You fucking loser. No. I'm like, yo, I don't think you're going to do the work. I'm not afraid to disagree with you.

16:38 I'm not afraid to make this conversation uncomfortable. So I'm going to tell you no. And then when I say yes to guys, I'm like really genuine about it. Yo, I think I can get you there. I'm 100% sure I can. Come on, bro. Come join us in the brotherhood. We can do this. And it's real. They can feel that genuineness from me. There's no contrived two-faced disingenuous actions from me. I'm completely genuine in what I do and I'm fucking unapologetic about it. I'm 100% unapologetic. Do I feel bad that I jumped in front of that line?

17:10 Hell no. Maybe somebody learned a lesson. And if nobody in that line learned a lesson, maybe one of you guys listening did. So in that way, it was worth it. I got home quicker because I wasn't afraid of social discomfort. See how much easier life gets when you follow your fears, when you go into discomfort willingly, when you're disagreeable, when you stand up for yourself, when you have a high quality, non-reactive no, and when you ask for shit gets a million times better. So this is your assignment, boys, for this week.

17:38 Ask for stuff. Try to get some things. Now, again, we don't want to be a dick about it. Some of you guys may take this the wrong way, especially guys who are kind of in a taker mentality. But you guys who are like Mr. Nice Guy, don't want to rock the boat, don't want to make people uncomfortable, make them uncomfortable. Because when you do that, you're going to feel discomfort and realize it's a phantom. It's an illusion. For you guys who are takers, eh, maybe I don't suggest you do this because you do it already.

18:07 But I'm telling you, 90% of you listening aren't takers. You're givers and you're floor mats. You're Mr. Nice Guys. I see you guys all the time coming into my free one-on-one breakthrough session. And this is the biggest problem that most men suffer for because the way we've been raised in this society has taught us to become that way. All right, gentlemen, that's it for me in this podcast. If you found value in it, I would very much appreciate a five-star review. We're almost at 500 reviews on the American iTunes.

18:34 I think we're probably up to about a thousand worldwide, but we're right about at 500. So if you could clack that five stars, preferably with some writing behind it and help me get there, I will get your name tattooed on my forehead and I will give you my business when I am slain in battle. So email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com and I will send you a bunch of cool shit if you do leave those reviews. Again, preferably with some writing behind it. And obviously it goes without saying, preferably five stars.

19:00 And then also if you want to get on that free one-on-one breakthrough session with me, go to my website, coachmarksing.com, click on coaching, fill in the goddamn slapping the Jesus, and you and I will get on that one-on-one breakthrough session together. Talk about how you've been too apologetic. Talk about how you are afraid to go against societal norms because some bullshit in your head, some meta programming that someone put in there before you can defend yourself from it. And I'm going to be like, yo, it's just BS belief system.

19:27 And we can remove it just as quick as somebody else installed it. And you'd be amazed at the behavior change that comes when you remove these belief systems. I got another awesome podcast coming up on Thursday, boys. So make sure to stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.