Got Fear of Rejection? Approach Anxiety? Perfectionism? LISTEN TO THIS!

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP Happy Monday. Man, I've been watching too many damn videos about Ukraine and the nuclear threat, and I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me? Are these idiots going to freaking nuke our entire world? And then I went down a rabbit hole of how alien spacecraft have been found floating outside of the nuclear launch sites, and there's reports that they've turned them off.

0:44 And I'm like, great, our entire future is relied on aliens because these goddamn idiots, Putin and Biden and everybody else, these goddamn leaders are going to fucking nuke us into the Stone Age again. So all my bets are on goddamn aliens right now, man. That does not feel really good, but all jokes aside, boys, it is a serious thing, and God, I hope they make the right decision, man. Because, you know, I was also researching where places are going to get nuked in the United States, and guess where the first nuclear bombs are going to land in the U.S.?

1:16 That's right, northern Colorado. God damn it, I chose the wrong place to live. Reason being is I guess there's a lot of nuclear silos up here, so Russia literally will launch the first nukes exactly onto my fucking head. So if a nuclear war starts, just be like, well, there goes Mark Singh. He was fun to listen to, and I'm going to die in about 15 minutes myself. It's absolutely sad and nothing to joke about, but God, man, what a fucked up reality, right? Like, what are we doing, dude?

1:45 What are we doing? Hopefully those aliens shut down all our nukes and smack us upside the head and be like, you idiots! Get your shit together, you fucking morons. You think you're so civilized? We think you guys are more primitive than a bunch of apes, you morons. But anyway, boys, hopefully it goes okay. Hopefully everything gets solved. It's pretty terrifying, though. Obviously, you feel the same way. So today, gentlemen, we are going to talk about why the majority of you guys are afraid to get rejected.

2:13 We are going to talk about the kind of mindset that creates the fear of failure, perfectionism, and unwillingness to take the L. That's right, the loss. A lot of us don't like to take losses because we think it's a statement about who we are as a man. We think it dictates our self-worth. And really, outside circumstances are far too dependent upon when it comes to how we feel about ourselves as a man. So first and foremost, I want to talk about this book called Mindset. It's one of the best books I've ever read, and I highly suggest it.

2:47 And it talks about having a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. So a fixed mindset is a mindset that basically thinks that you are born the way you are. You are born with a certain skill set. You are born with a certain intelligence. And that is the way you're set up. And there's not a lot you can do to fix it, change it, ameliorate it, or make it better. So being it that you're born as you are, your intelligence, your confidence, your metaprograms, everything about you, if you fail, it's a testament to you as a man that you are essentially a failure.

3:21 So many times children are given this fixed mindset by being told that they're very intelligent, they're very capable, they're so handsome, they have such a great skill set, and perhaps your mom or dad did this to you. Oftentimes, men who are praised a lot as children have this fixed mindset because they were told over and over again that they're great, they're intelligent, they're really skillful, and they don't want to prove essentially their parents wrong. Okay, so they go into every interaction with the fear of failure because they think, if I fail, that's a testament to me not being enough, and oh man, my parents were wrong about me.

3:57 Everybody was wrong about me, I'm not that great, I'm not that skillful, I'm a fucking idiot. So this is a fixed mindset because it's fixed. You think that you can't improve and you don't want to try to improve because you know subconsciously that improving means going into failure willingly. So oftentimes, we're afraid of rejection with women because we think by being rejected by a woman, it's a testament to our self-worth as a man. So if we go up to a woman and she rejects us, we're like, oh, well, I guess I'm unattractive, I'm not worth enough.

4:27 And for many of you guys, your self-esteem is like a quivering embryo, like one of those brand new baby hamsters that's just all pink and just skin and just softness. And the second a girl rejects you, you're fucking decimated, bro. You're like a bug splattered against a windshield when you're driving down the road at night because that's how insecure you are about other people's thoughts. So you have this major fear of rejection. And what if other people hear it? What if they think less of you?

4:54 Why do we have that major fear? Well, first of all, as I just explained, because a lot of us have a fixed mindset. And secondly, it's because we come from tribal communities. When we are in the tribe, if we were to be rejected by the wrong person, or if people overheard us talking to a girl and trying to get sex with her, they may label us as a pervert. They may shun us. They may throw us out of the tribe. And thus, our survivability is in question.

5:20 And thus, our survivability is compromised. Or we might accidentally hit on the alpha male's girlfriend and he hits us over the head with a rock and boom, we're dead. So there's a very good reason for approach anxiety. But when it becomes debilitating and you can't even approach a girl, oftentimes, it's a combination of two. It's a combination of your ancestors coming from a long lineage of DNA, literally, where they were proven through their experience that if they're rejected by the clan, then it could actually compromise their survivability.

5:52 And in addition to that, you were possibly given a fixed mindset where if you get rejected by a woman, you think it's a testament to who you are as a man. And thus, you have massive fear of rejection, massive fear of failure. Oftentimes, people become perfectionists in this kind of situation. They want to do everything perfect. They think failure is a bad thing. But here's the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. Growth mindset-oriented people feel that failure is actually a good thing because they understand that through failure, they learn.

6:25 And they have that growth mindset, just as it sounds. I want to grow and I can grow. I'm not fixed. My IQ is not fixed. The way I look is not fixed. The way women perceive me is not fixed. Nothing is fixed. And that's the ultimate truth. I want to let you know of reality that anything can be changed. You are here, brother, to create and to grow and to become the best man you can be. So with that in hand, do you think the intelligent source that created you, we can call it God if you'd like, source energy, whatever you believe in, would limit you from growth?

7:00 Or do you think that intelligent entity would set up a process where through failure you're able to grow into the next best version of yourself? You're damn right because that's exactly how it works. So those with a growth mindset aren't afraid of rejection. They aren't afraid of failure. They aren't perfectionists. In fact, they want to fail. And they want to fail quickly so they can learn quickly. When I finally understood that I had a fixed mindset, and yes, I most certainly did, it was a huge epiphany for me.

7:30 So if this is an epiphany for you of what you heard so far in this episode, I strongly suggest you read that book, Mindset. The author is named Carol Dweck, D-W-E-C-K, I believe. And if I'm wrong, don't worry. I have a growth mindset, so I'm not going to be all butthurt about it if I make a mistake. I strongly suggest you listen to that book because this could be a major issue for you. So a growth mindset is like, look, if I get rejected by a girl, it has nothing to do with me.

7:57 It was my approach. And what I'm going to do is learn from that. I'm going to take feedback from it. I'm going to be open-minded. And then I'm going to change my approach moving forward. And as I get successes, it doesn't really matter so much if girls like me. The success is the fact that I had the balls to open the girl in the first place. So a growth mindset says, listen, even though right now I'm stuttering a lot and you guys don't hear it because my epic editor, Liam, is editing it all out, even though I'm stuttering a lot right now, that's okay.

8:26 Maybe I need to eat more food before I sit down to record a podcast. Maybe I need to go exercise first before I do it. So what I take my failures as is constructive criticism to better myself moving forward. And that's why this podcast has gotten better. Because I'll tell you what, in the beginning, it was a fucking lump of shit. Don't go listen to the first 50 episodes. I strongly beg you not to listen because they were that shitty. But since I have a growth mindset, I said to myself, listen, I'm not going to be good in the beginning.

8:57 I'm going to fucking suck in the beginning. And you know what? That's okay. I don't naturally have to be born as a great podcaster. I don't have to be born naturally as a ladies' man. I don't have to naturally be born as a good soccer player, baseball player, businessman, salesman, whatever the fuck you're doing. You were not born that way, and that's okay. In fact, I'm going to respect you more when you go through the failures and say, look, this is good because each failure is growing me.

9:24 And then become a great salesman, a great ladies' man, a great soccer player, an awesome major league baseball pitcher because you worked hard and you had a growth mindset. Another thing a lot of you guys suffer with is you're unwilling to take the L. You just refuse to take the loss because, again, you think it says something about you or you're too fucking prideful to laugh at yourself. The reason I'm doing this podcast today is because this weekend I went out with my friends. We went to get some ice cream, and I was so stupid, man.

9:54 I got played so hard by my buddy. He's like, hey, bro, did you know that when you smell any ice cream, whether it's chocolate, whether it's mint chip, whether it's Rocky Road, it all smells like vanilla? And I was like, are you serious? He's like, yeah, man. And he holds up his ice cream in a spoon for me to smell. And the second I put my nose in it, he shoved it in my face. Everybody started laughing, and I started laughing too because I've learned through time, sometimes you just got to take the fucking L.

10:21 And when it happens, just laugh at yourself. The worst thing you could do is get pissed. The absolute worst thing you could do. So everybody's laughing at me, and he got me, man. He got me. It was so stupid on my part, but he was super convincing. And Brian, if you're listening, I'm coming for my revenge, baby. Just wait for it. You're going to get choked the fuck out. I'm just kidding, of course, but I'm going to get my revenge. I'm going to get it. But I just laughed at myself because in that instance, the L came, and you just sometimes have to take it.

10:50 Sometimes you're going to lose money. Sometimes the girl's not going to text you back. Sometimes you're going to match with the chick on Tinder, and she's going to flake on you. And sometimes you just got to take the L and just eat it with a smile on your face. Because this life, the universe, everything about it is designed to bring you L's from time to time. So a lot of you guys have a belief that the L is bad. I don't want to take the loss.

11:12 I don't want to get rejected. I don't want to lose money. That's unacceptable. I have to be a perfectionist. Everything has to land perfectly. And that's why I've opened three girls in my entire lifetime. Because they gave me the greenest fucking light I could ever see. I'm talking like fucking Amazon green. The entire rainforest shining in front of my face. It was such a green light. And I went over and said, hey, who are you? Because I knew I wouldn't fail. Cowardice, bro. Cowardice. It makes me laugh when I hear dudes who are like, I've never been rejected.

11:42 And the first thing I say to them is, that's because you never approach girls, bro. Guys who get rejected the most, get the most sex. I want to say that again. Guys who get rejected the most, get the most sex. So don't take it so seriously. She doesn't know you from anything. She doesn't know your accomplishments. She doesn't know how good you are in bed. She doesn't know all the great personality traits that you have. She doesn't know you. You went up and said two fucking things to her.

12:07 And she said, no, I'm not interested. Get out of here. Who cares? And you know what? It's her loss, bro. Because you are a goddamn champion. You're listening to podcasts like this one. I bet you're investing in yourself in lots of different ways. I bet for 90% of you guys, you fucking jacked those weights. And you're trying to improve yourself and get to the next best version of yourself. And yeah, for a lot of you, you don't care about rejection or failure, and you're not perfectionist. But for those of you listening who are perfectionists, afraid of rejection, have massive approach anxiety, look at this.

12:40 You likely have a fixed mindset where you think that L is something bad, but it's not. And stop taking yourself so seriously, bro. The world doesn't revolve around you. And no, you don't deserve anything other than that which your effort produces. I want to say that again. You are not owed anything by this world. Girls don't have to react positively to you. You don't have to make millions of dollars just because you feel you deserve it. You got to go earn that shit, bro. And that means going to fail.

13:10 So put yourself out there. Stop taking this so goddamn seriously and take the fucking loss. And when it happens, laugh at yourself. Because a guy with the strong frame, a guy who is alpha, a guy who is highly attractive, isn't afraid to laugh at himself sometimes, isn't afraid to make mistakes, isn't afraid to record a podcast that doesn't go so good. And I had one the other week. I listened to it. I was like, eh, that one was okay. Not my best work. But how can I have my best work unless I have something to compare it to, right?

13:38 And that's the way I want you to look at it. How can you become great with women unless you sucked at one time? So go suck. Who gives a shit? Take the loss and laugh at it. And literally think, you're lost, chick, because at least I had the fucking balls to approach you. And a lot of you guys are afraid that it's her testament, her definition of your worth as a man. And some of you even say, I don't even want to give her the power to be able to reject me because who the fuck is she?

14:04 Well, I'm going to reframe that on you and say, she has the power over you if you're afraid to approach her, doesn't she? You fucking pussy. You didn't approach that chick because she has power over you, bro. You're afraid of her beauty. Go show her you don't give a shit about what she thinks. Go show her that she can't intimidate you. You will not negotiate with terrorists like that motherfucking Putin sending missiles into Ukraine. What a fucking douchebag, dude. What a fucking asshole. I hope somebody snipes that motherfucker.

14:33 He is a real piece of shit. But listen, listen to this too. I want to say something that's kind of unrelated. He's doing what he thinks is right. Think about that for a second. He's not just some lunatic who knows that he's doing something that is fundamentally wrong. By his map of the world, he literally thinks what he's doing is right. He's saving his Russian people. He's bringing the Ukrainians back under Russian rule. He's extending Russia so they can have more natural resources, which is going to guarantee and help secure the future of Russia.

15:03 So he thinks what he's doing is right and everybody operates by their own modalities, their own operating systems of what they think is right. Check this out. Hitler thought what he was doing was right. Completely convinced. And so were a lot of Germans during World War II. So while you and I probably agree that the guy is a massive fucking douche canoe to launch missiles into Kiev just killing people randomly, he literally thinks that's right. So I want to reframe your mind to make you think what is right.

15:34 And that is the L doesn't matter, dude. It does not matter. And look at these people in Ukraine who might get a fucking nuclear bomb dropped on their head. And here you are probably living in the United States, but also Australia, Great Britain, Canada, and probably a country that isn't in war right now who's afraid to get rejected by a girl. Let's get some perception, boys. People are going through much worse shit than this. And you don't know when it's going to fucking end. For God's sakes, the aliens might not save us.

16:03 And we might get nuked with Mark Singh, the first one to fucking go because I chose to live in Northern Colorado. So dude, you might die tomorrow. So get the fuck out there and go after your goals and stop being so afraid of rejection. And if you need more help with this, I strongly suggest you read that book, Mindset by Carol Dweck. It talks about growth versus fixed mindset. You can also meditate on what I told you previously about how we come from tribal communities and how that philosophy no longer holds water in today's society.

16:33 Awareness alone is curative. Once you know why you're afraid of a certain thing, then you can take steps to overcome it. And if you really want to make a black hole shortcut in three short months to get to your goals with women, come join me in my coaching program. I'm not going to go off on it too much in this episode. You've heard it in other episodes, but if you want to apply with me, go to my website, CoachMarkSing.com and click on coaching, fill in the quick application and you and I will get on a free one-on-one call together.

16:59 Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. Listen, bro, don't take it so seriously, man. Go take the L today, bro, and laugh at yourself. Get that ice cream shoved in your face. And as everybody's laughing at you, laugh along with them. Because when you show that you're unaffected by no matter what life throws at you, including quote-unquote failure, you're the one who's in power. But the second any failure intimidates you, you are its slave. I do appreciate you listening, gentlemen. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, and I will see you in the next episode.

17:31 We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.