How to Approach Girls as an INTROVERT

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP, and that's right, I survived my surgery, though barely. But today, I'm going to be honest with you, brother, I'm about at 40%. If that, the recovery is not going as well as I had hoped, but I'm a fucking warrior, dude, and I'm going to get through it. So fortunately, I recorded an interview about three weeks ago with a past client of my coaching program, my three-month coaching program, and that interview was really good for introverts, how to approach a woman as an introvert.

0:51 So I'm going to go ahead and let that one roll today, because honestly, I don't feel like I got the juice to bring high-quality content that I'm known for, and I don't want to give you guys anything less than my best effort. I'm rocking about 40%, and even just doing this introduction is kind of taking it out of me. And what I'm going to do is I'm actually going to take Wednesday and Friday off as well, give my body a chance to rest, and then come swinging on Monday and get back to my usual three times a week.

1:16 Some of you guys, actually a lot of you guys wrote in, wishing me the best, you hit me up on Instagram via email, through my website, etc. I really appreciate that. Seriously, guys, that moved me tremendously and gave me a lot of strength as I went into something that, quite frankly, scared the shit out of me. But once they got that IV in, man, they dumped some mellowing kind of drugs in me, and it was funny because I was so out of it. I thought for a second that I couldn't talk, so they were telling me that while they were wheeling me into the operation room, I was saying a bunch of funny shit.

1:47 One of the things I said is I was like, hello, hello, and they said I said that I thought I couldn't talk, and I needed to check if I could talk because I remember this where it's like, dude, am I still able to talk? And I was like, hello, hello, hello, and I was like, oh, thank God I can still talk. So it was weird, man. I don't really do drugs, haven't had surgery in a very, very long time, so I don't understand why people would want to feel that way.

2:11 You know, I've got this Percocet that they've got me on, and it's like makes you all loopy and tired and like disconnected. I don't like that feeling. I think if I ever did drugs, I'd be more of an upper kind of guy. I'd probably be like taking rails of cocaine off hookers' asses. That would probably be more my style. But anyway, I'm getting through it, boys. I'm healing. I do appreciate all the support. I'm going to let the interview that I did three weeks ago take over on this one.

2:35 Once again, this is about how to approach women as an introvert, and this is with my client, Juan, and he was an excellent example of what you can do as an introvert and still get, as I like to say, more ass than a toilet seat, and he definitely does. So some of you guys who are afraid to approach women, don't know what to say, feel like you're too shy or too mellow or even too right-brain-oriented, you're about to see that this guy is really chill. He's not spazzy like I am.

2:56 He's not extroverted and like, I guess you could say super charismatic and over the top like I am, but he can still get girls. So this is a great example of that. Check it out. If you are interested in learning more about my coaching, just go to my website and check that out, and you can also email me. But once again, I'm going to take Wednesday and Friday off and then come swinging again on Monday. So I do appreciate it, guys. I'm going to let this recording roll, and I will see you next Monday.

3:27 All right, let's go ahead and get into it. What is up, Juan? Welcome to the UMP, brother. Great to have you here. Thanks, Mark. Thank you for having me on. Absolutely, man. Absolutely. Stoked to have you on. You were in my three-month group coaching program. And while certainly this is going to be a plug for my three-month group coaching program, I'm not going to pretend it's not. What I really want to give to the guys who listen is I want to give them some tactile tips about day game, reprogramming your brain, even things about money, which I know happened to you.

3:58 You own your own business, you're an entrepreneur, and through the program, through reprogramming some of the BS in your head, not only were you able to skyrocket your results with women, but you're actually making more money now. So to begin, I really want to give these guys some tactile advice about approaching women, cold approach. Because you mentioned to me before the call that you were going heavy on the online dating apps, and you were kind of getting so much success on that that it became boring for you, and you wanted to challenge yourself more and focus more on day game.

4:28 So why don't you tell us a little bit about that, you know, why you chose to get off the dating apps, and what you've been focusing on as far as day game is concerned. Where do you meet these girls? What is your approach? And then we'll go from there. Absolutely. And I appreciate that. So I don't want to sound like I always had success on the dating apps by any means, but definitely it was something that I had to work on and I had to learn because there is a system to it, and there is a type of psychology to it to building attraction through messaging online that I was fortunate enough to, that I learned over the three months of the coaching program.

5:09 And it got to a certain point where it felt it didn't feel as stimulating to pull women off of the dating apps. And I wanted to give myself a little bit more of a challenge, which what I really like is having actionable steps, like going and opening 20 girls a week. So I find ways throughout my day, whenever I'm at the gas station in the grocery store, simply walking through the park anywhere where I find an opportunity to talk to someone and kind of cold approach. And what I found is that that is really the true test to understanding female psychology, to opening, to building attraction, to pretty much everything that you teach.

6:02 And if you can do it in person and you can have frame control and be less emotional and reactive than the woman, then you learn that you can build attraction anywhere. Yeah. So when walking through the supermarket, when walking through, you know, the park and everywhere, like you said, and that's exactly right, you know, you guys who are listening, dude, just talk to everybody. Just open and eject, as we call it. Just ask them a question, ask for directions, ask where the olive oil is, which is something I always do.

6:33 And then you can eject. And then as you get better at it, you can push the conversations a little bit further. So Juan, what typically are the things you use to open with? What kind of things do you say? How do you have the excuse, which is the biggest sticking point for most people? What is the excuse to talk to these girls that you typically use? So the grocery store is a great place, simply because no matter where she is at, you can simply go in and talk about what food or item you're looking at.

7:02 Like, for example, I really like to, like if you're in the vitamin aisle, this actually happened to me last week. So I was going through the vitamin aisle, simply looking for some melatonin. And there was a girl there looking for melatonin as well. And I asked her questions. I was like, hey, so I'm trying to get melatonin and I've never taken it before. Do you have any recommendations as like which kind and just find anything to really open up a conversation? Now, you don't necessarily have to have an excuse.

7:35 I've also found that going up to girls and simply saying, hey, I was just over there and I thought you were really cute. And I'd be kicking myself all day if I didn't come over here and say, hi, what's your name? And just letting the conversation flow that way. But typically, I like to reference back to something that's going on. So another simple one is talking about COVID. That's a good one to carry on the conversation. Or if it's like New Year's. New Year's was a great day.

8:04 I think I got like four numbers on New Year's, just simply asking what they were doing that night. And that's the best excuse. That's the best night of the year to ask them what they're doing that night. Just random people. Yeah. Yeah. And what Juan was referencing there, guys, was the direct versus indirect approach. So indirect is when you essentially just ask them a question. Hey, what's the deal with this melatonin? I hear if you take too much of this, you can mess up your own melatonin.

8:29 Is that true? Right? So just asking a question, asking for advice. And then there's the direct approach, which both Juan and I prefer because, dude, it cuts to the chase. There's no like under the radar, I'm afraid to show you my intentions kind of vibe behind what you're doing. You're just like, yo, I'm attracted to you. You're cute. What's up? What's your name? And I, bro, I do that all the time. It's like my modus operandi that I basically do all the time because it just cuts to the chase, dude.

8:54 It's like, God, you got to like indirectly approach. She's wondering why you're talking to her, what your intentions are. Fuck it, dude. Be a man. Show her. Hey, I'm attracted to you and I want to learn more about you. Now, of course, guys, that doesn't mean that she's won your heart and you want to marry her. Not at all. It just means you're interested. And I'll actually say that. I'll be like, yo, I saw you from across the room. Wanted to come meet you. Would honestly be kicking myself the rest of the day unless I did.

9:20 I wanted to come over here and see if you were interesting. What's up? What's your name? Now, that premise, I wanted to come over here and see if you were interesting, lays the foundation that, yeah, she's won off you as far as her looks, but that's only one out of ten ticks off the boxes that she has to tick in order to get you. So, when you approach, you say something like that. Now, Juan, as you guys can hear, he has a very calm demeanor. And that's something I recognize with Juan when he first signed up for the coaching program.

9:49 Me, on the other hand, I'm a little bit more spazzy, as you guys are apt to tell. And Juan is a little bit more chill. He actually has a company where he sells insurance. And he's really successful, which we're going to talk about in a minute. But you can have your own vibe. You can be an introvert and still approach these girls. But as Juan mentioned, the most important thing is that you're unaffected by her beauty and you're on your inner balance point, your inner state of centeredness.

10:19 So, Juan, when you first started, it's just like all my guys. I have you open and eject with 20-plus girls a week. And you were really enthralled with the whole issue of frame control. And I noticed, like I remember this, bro, like around week four, week five, it really clicked for you. And then the results just started pouring in. So, when you go into set, can you give my guys some advice about how to stay calm, how to be less reactive, how to control the frame, and how you were able to get to the point where you can just be chill, talk to her like you're talking to an old friend, like my other podcast, Assume Familiarity.

10:54 And how it was that you went from having kind of dismal results to it really clicking and like kind of what that epiphany was and what really made the difference for you. So, I really think repetition is the mother of all learning. Just being able to consistently do something and over time you'll get better. So, I struggled a lot my first three weeks opening girls and not like, not to say that I was actually struggling, like I couldn't even talk to them, but I was thinking I was so reactive to them that I was completely out of control.

11:34 Now, going through NLP training and eliminating self-limiting beliefs and working on myself in the gym and on my brain, on my mindset, on everything, you have this sense of comfortability, of confidence to where you are not being reactive in social settings. You're being proactive and you're not thinking about yourself. You're thinking about the conversation. You're actually living in the moment. So, getting out of your head and thinking a little bit less about yourself is probably the biggest piece of advice I could give right there. And also, not being outcome dependent, right?

12:17 Because when you don't give a shit what happens when you know there's another girl, bro. Like, there's literally another girl probably 20 feet away when you're in a supermarket, when you're at the gym. There are millions of girls in your city, guys. So, it's like, who cares if it goes bad with this one girl? Suddenly, you're less reactive, as Juan said. And what is reactive? She does something and you react to it. But instead, you want to be a cause for the interaction. And even Juan, like, listen to how Juan's talking right now.

12:46 He's himself. He's not trying to up his energy, up his spazziness to meet me. And that shows me he has a good frame. And I'm not trying to downplay myself to meet him. We have different energy type deliveries. And that goes to show you guys who are mellow, you guys who are introverts, you can still have really good success with this. And in fact, in the coaching program, we tweak it to your personality. Juan is more logical. He's more introverted, if you will. But, dude, he was pulling, bro.

13:16 Like, every week, we start off with the successes. Remember this Juan? Like, every week, you're like, oh, my hell, man. Last week was insane. And I got more ass than a toilet seat. This and this happened. And so, we have all kinds of different personalities that come in. And just the fact that you have the balls, Juan, to continue to approach. And look, dude, like you were telling me before we started, you're working, like, 60, 70 hours a week. You're an entrepreneur, yet you're still able to open 20-plus girls a week.

13:45 You're still getting numbers. You're still going on dates. Reason being is you just do it in your day-to-day life. And that's why, like me, you enjoy going to the supermarket, doing it at the gym, because you're doing it anyway. The coffee shop, wherever you happen to be, just open. Just find a girl and open her. If there's no hot girls, no excuses, man. All your excuses are lies. Go open some fat chick. Go open an older woman. You got to keep practicing. So, Juan, as you continue doing this, and as you continue speaking to the woman, what are some things that you stack onto it?

14:18 And let's say you – let's go with the direct approach. Okay, hey, I saw you. I'd be kicking myself if I didn't come meet you. What's up? What's your name? Oh, I'm Ashley. What's up, Ashley? So, how's your COVID life going? Oh, it's okay. How would you go from there? What are some techniques that you found that you learned in the program that work really well for you specifically that you really rely on to get them more attracted to you? The first one is always, like, the COVID life kind of leads into, hey, how's that affected your work?

14:48 Like, how have you been this past year? And then we talk about what we do for work. So, the best thing is when they ask you what you do for work and you don't tell them and you say, I love saying that I'm an ice cream man. And just keep it to my face. I'm like, I'm an ice cream man. And they're like, what? So, yeah, I have, like, all the flavors. And I actually moved here to sell ice cream because I know these secret neighborhoods where all the fat kids live.

15:18 So, I think that really works well for me because I do approach pretty calm and comfortable and they don't expect me to make a joke. So, when I make, I make it very obvious that I'm making a joke and it kind of relieves the pressure and you carry on the conversation into pretty much anything else at that point. Okay, so, you say you're an ice cream man and then, you know, as I teach, you first say some joke and then, you know, no, really, I'm actually an entrepreneur.

15:47 And then you tell a story about, you know, your kind of struggle to become what you are. So, I've talked about this before in this podcast where I talk about how I'm an NLP coach and how I had a panic attack when I was translating in Japan. Hired an NLP coach, basically completely took away my anxiety and now I do that too. So, after that, okay, she asks you what you do, you ask her what she does, what might be something else that you do after that?

16:16 Cold reading, push-pull, anything like that that you've deployed in your arsenal? Oh, yeah. So, at this point, you know, this is a, because the initial, the reason you are doing, you're going up and talking to her. I mean, you're trying to get to know her, but you're trying to see if she's someone that you could see yourself hanging out with in the future. And not for like dating purposes, but just someone to see if she's interesting enough to get her number. Yep. So, at that point, I think that's the perfect point to actually go ahead and ask for the number because you left it on a high note.

16:48 You introduced yourself. You told her a little bit about yourself and you can go ahead and just say, hey, so I actually have to run right now, but you're super interesting. How about you throw me your number and we go ahead and see if maybe we can set something up and get together and have lunch. Hmm, good. So, what typically is her reply when you do that in your experience? She says, yeah, of course. And she shoots me over her number. And I like to immediately just send her a text message with my name.

17:16 So, she has it as well. And she's not going to text you. Like, she just won't. She's always going to wait for you to text her. It's very far and few. I'd say one out of 20 that they actually text you. But that next day, you wait 24 hours. You wait until 6 p.m. that next day. And then you send her a message. And at this point, I actually like to carry on the conversation by just, I FaceTime. I go ahead and FaceTime them at 6 p.m. the next day and see if they pick up.

17:47 If not, then I send them a text message. Cool. So, yeah, that's something. Do you remember? Was Jake in the program when you were in it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Remember Jake? He's like the master, dude. He calls them immediately. And then usually they don't pick up. Calls again. They won't pick up again. Sometimes 50-50 on that one. And then he sends them a text. So, we haven't even had our first fight yet. And already you're ignoring my phone calls, which is freaking gangster. You guys should steal that.

18:13 So, if you're good at speaking like Juan is, Jake is also good at speaking. Jake actually might come on the podcast next month. I'm going to talk to him about that. But when you're good at speaking like we are, dude, calling is a really good thing to do because it shows so much balls. You can charisma bomb them, continue doing your gambits, and then close the date on the phone. When I did that, man, I would have the highest close rate because, you know, we're good at speaking.

18:38 We're both salesmen. I mean, you do sales all the time too. So, getting them on the call and plus it eliminates the possibility of miscommunication via text. So, that's a really good way to do it. And I love how you do that. And it's interesting because you close the numbers pretty quickly. I actually go a little bit longer than that. And listen, there's different ways to skin a cat. So, I'll go a little bit longer depending on the situation. Talk to them, build up a little bit more, and I'll actually qualify them just a little bit to make sure it really sticks.

19:09 But look, you can go in and like Juan did, bro, that's a three-minute conversation. But the thing that matters most, guys, and this is what I really want you to take away from this, is your comfort as you're speaking to her. Are you speaking to her like she's an old friend? No problem whatsoever. You're not nervous. You're chill. And now that begs the question, how do you get chill like that? Juan, I'm going to leave it to you. It's a layup, it's an easy answer, but how do you get comfortable opening these chicks?

19:37 What is the secret? Man, it really is just working on yourself. I think it's full immersion because just being flat out honest here, I probably listened to about 100 of your podcasts before I even asked you for the initial coaching call. Nice. I truly immersed myself into your beliefs and into, I mean, your expertise in this because I'm not dumb. I've learned that if I want to learn something, I'm going to ask the most qualified person in that space to learn that. So whether I'm going to learn about business, I'm going to ask my business mentors, whether I'm going to learn about NLP dating, I'm going to ask you, or even fitness, right?

20:21 I'm going to look for a trainer and ask them questions. So if you fully immerse yourself into these thought patterns and these beliefs, you will become more self-aware and you'll realize what it is you're doing right, what it is you're doing wrong, and what you need to change. And once that becomes more clear to you, you'll be able to apply it in day-to-day settings. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So it's not only, you know, approaching and ejecting, getting used to that social pressure, talking to everybody. It's also working on the bullshit inside your head.

20:56 Because if you have a belief, I'm not enough, you're not going to have the balls to go up to a girl and be like, hey, I thought you were cute, had to come meet you. What's up? What's your name? You just won't do it. And almost every time I get a new client that I'm not enough belief is there. Probably 80 to 90% of you guys who are listening, you have this deep in your subconscious, even if you don't know that you have it. So with you, Juan, you know, interestingly enough, you're an entrepreneur, and I love working with entrepreneurs, go-getters, growth-oriented men, as it says on my website.

21:27 But with you, you have your own company, and you're an entrepreneur, and you were making, I'm not going to like put your information all out on the podcast, but you were making X many dollars. And I think that almost doubled in the time that you were doing the coaching program. And an interesting side benefit, in fact, in my opinion, is kind of the best benefit, is you grow as a man, but everything gets better. Your happiness goes up, your money goes up, obviously you're going to meet more women.

21:55 And the reason that is, is because you're dealing with the bullshit in your head. Because listen, if you believe you're not enough, that's not only going to apply to women, that's going to apply to money too. And money is highly attractive based on your thought patterns. So Juan, you did all the NLP, you're a legend, you didn't flake on anything, you showed up to every call, you did the work. And that's like so necessary. Some guys, not so many, but some guys think, give Mark the money and I'll wake up the next day with a girl on my dick and I'll be a millionaire.

22:24 No, you got to do the work, which Juan clearly does, because he's a hard worker. So what do you think the belief system for you was, that was the most radical change that kind of, because I remember, man, it was like week four, week five, you turned into a different dude. And that first month we were hitting the hard, the NLP, reprogramming everything. What was like the biggest pay dirt for you as far as reprogramming your brain with the NLP? I love this question, Mark, because I remember our very first coaching call.

22:55 And, um, I, I mentioned to you that I always have, like, I've always struggled my whole life trying to live up to other people's expectations and subconsciously I would do it everywhere. I would, um, I felt like I was always trying to impress someone else instead of doing it for myself. And once, um, you know, you, you eliminate that through, through NLP is a huge part of it, but also through kind of distracting yourself with, uh, with working on yourself through this program, right. With everything that you have to offer, because it's not just NLP, it's also actionable steps that you need to go take.

23:33 So it requires work and as long as you're willing to put in the work and the time and the effort, you can really change anything about yourself and kind of leave your own, the old version of yourself behind and be the person that you want to be. I feel like, uh, you and I also talked about Ed Milet and if those of you who don't know who Ed Milet is, he is a, he's an entrepreneur. He's worth $400 million, $400 million. And he talks about the biggest, why the biggest reason what he does, what he, uh, why he does, what he does is because he's afraid that at the end of his life, he will, he'll meet the version of himself is the best version of himself.

24:18 And he won't recognize that version. Yeah. He won't recognize that person at the end of his life. I love that, bro. Like he says, I get up to the pearly gates and there's my twin standing there, but I don't know him. He's, he's nothing like I am because I kind of believe that dude. Like, well, there's the duality of thought that, Hey, listen, some people just want to be on cruise control, but others of us want to kick ass and who's really right. There's no real way to know, but I don't know, man, for me.

24:45 And I know for you and probably 99% of the people listening right now, if they're still listening, dude, developing yourself as the best man you can be. Is your purpose here on this earth and you have to be better. You just can't not be better. That's in your heart growth. And I mean, when you look out onto nature, it's always growth. It's either growing or it's dying. There is no just middle place between the oak tree doesn't grow and then stop and say, Oh, I'm good now.

25:13 No, it keeps going. It keeps pushing until it dies. And that's what I believe is the nature of life. So when you came into the program, you had that belief. And frankly, most of the guys who hire me, most of the guys who joined the three months group coaching program, they have this growth oriented mindset. And that's really what's necessary. So like what happened to one, one, and if I'm putting your information out there, feel free to like not answer. But did you double your income?

25:39 Was that correct? Or what was it? What happened there? My agency volume doubled. So we had, we were doing a certain amount of volume per month. And after three months we had doubled and I grew into another position within the company. So it, um, it all kind of came together to a certain extent because not only do you teach how to become more attractive with women, but you teach how to communicate with people in general, how to read people, how to understand body language, how to communicate with people.

26:17 So I applied that with everyone. I applied that in my sales process and my recruiting process and my coaching process in order to help, um, develop new leaders on the team, help sell, uh, more insurance to clients and help recruit more people and get them started in the industry. Very cool. Yeah, that, that's amazing. And often guys, you know, I'm not going to sit here and take credit for all wands successes as much as I want to. Usually what happens is it's kind of like a combination of things.

26:49 So it's a combination of working with me, doing, doing other things in your life, maybe working with other coaches, reading books, listening to podcasts. And I noticed that I tend to be a component in people's success. It's not always completely me, but I will say this when you invest in yourself via a coach. And again, whether that's me or somebody else, it doesn't matter. But when you invest in yourself, there's an energy that's put out into the universe where oftentimes the investment you make, you're going to get many times multiple that back via monetary compensation.

27:24 You're going to meet way more women because the universe loves action. The universe loves the fact that you want to grow, that you want to take your life and make the best life possible, because that's what the, that's what nature is, is it's constantly growing. So when you say, yeah, I'm going to take this risk. I'm going to put this money into my, my training again, whether that's me or somebody else, it doesn't matter. But when you do that, it's crazy how the universe rewards you.

27:49 It loves commitment. It loves action and it loves speed. And that's what Juan did. He said, fuck it. Let's do it. Let's go. He showed up. He did the work and look what happened to his life, man. Now he's a girl magnet. His agency is doing twice or three times the revenue. Forgive me. I forgot which one it was. And he's fucking killing it. So again, even if you're an introvert, like Juan is you're chill, you're mellow, you can still do it. Absolutely. No problem whatsoever.

28:14 So Juan, I really do appreciate you coming on today. And Juan, you know what? I always tell my clients when they finish, and I told you this too, is your job now is to teach other guys. So as guys come along, a little brother, maybe your son in the future, a friend who you want to make into a wingman, your duty is to share this knowledge because so many guys don't have it, and they don't understand how quickly you can evolve when you just have the right strategies in place.

28:40 So your job is to keep training other guys, continue opening, continue refining your craft, dialing in your game for your exact personality. And brother, it's just going to get better from here. Your agency is going to quadruple 10 times as much. And when you're a millionaire, man, don't forget about the little guys like me, bro. Make sure to pick me up in your helicopter, and we'll go have some good times down there in Texas. So once again, I appreciate you, brother. Thank you so much for coming on.

29:07 Always accessible to you. And of course, you're always a member of the brotherhood for as long as you are alive, bro. I really appreciate you, Juan. Thank you for coming on, man. Thank you, Mark. I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to interview me here and ask me some questions about my experience because it's also brought a light to myself to kind of look over the past three months and realize what it is that I've actually accomplished. It's kind of hard to picture yourself and who you were, your mindset before the coaching program.

29:39 So everything that you've taught me, everything that I've learned here is something that will be applied for the rest of my life. And I've already started to drop your philosophy into some people. Like I have a cousin who's 15 years old, and he's, you know, talking to me about girls. And I'm like, oh, man, like you're 15 years old, man. If you can just understand these concepts right now, like imagine where you would be in the future. So I was teaching him a few things, and he was just amazed by just frame control, right?

30:14 Frame control is the biggest one. So if you can teach a 15-year-old frame control and a little bit about building attraction, they can run with it for years. Yeah. Yeah. That's your job, man. I love that. I love that story. So, guys, if you're interested in checking out my coaching offer, check me out at marksingcoaching.com. That's M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G coaching.com. You can read all the testimonials on there, what I do, get a good understanding of what it is, set up your appointment with me, and we'll get your brain reprogrammed in the quickest, easiest way possible.

30:46 Juan, thanks again, brother. I really do appreciate it. And, guys, I got another one dropping on Friday, so stay tuned for that. And I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.