How to Attract Women as an Introvert (THE INTROVERTED GIRL MAGNET)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. If this is your first time listening, welcome. My name is Mark Sing. I'm an NLP dating coach. NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. I basically use NLP protocols to go into my clients' heads and reprogram some negative belief systems, archetypes, traumas, and schemas that have held them back with women for years.

0:41 For those who have been listening for a long time, smack yourself on the ass. You are a goddamn champion, and I do appreciate you coming back. So today, gentlemen, we are going to talk about the introverted alpha, how to get girls as an introvert. Now, naturally speaking, I have 20 minutes here to explain all this stuff to you, and it will obviously take more time to really address the issue, or I should say the perceived issue, of being an introvert. But I'm going to do my best here to give you guys some really good tips and let you know, first and foremost, it is absolutely possible to be a complete girl magnet and still be an introvert.

1:13 Okay? You don't have to be jumping around on the dance floor and being a complete spaz, the life of the party, in order to get girls. You can be calm, you can be mellow, you can completely be yourself and still pull women. In fact, the majority of my clients are, in fact, introverts. They don't want to be that overly hyped up dude who, admittedly, typically gets girls because simply he's more obvious. He's the guy who usually gets females' attention, but that's only to get his foot in the door, and I certainly teach methods to my introverted clients to get their foot in the door and to be unapologetically themselves.

1:50 And that's really the main point of this episode is to own who you are, be who you are, and have a strong frame around being an introvert. Now, here's the thing that most people don't understand is that just because you're an introvert, it doesn't mean that you can't be outgoing, you can't be the life of the party, and you can't give a woman a good time. It doesn't mean you're boring. It doesn't mean you're not interesting. It simply means that you get drained by being around people.

2:19 And a lot of you guys will be surprised to know that I, too, am an introvert. I get drained around being with people, but I've had so much practice in this space. I've spent tens of thousands of hours in nightclubs and bars that it doesn't drain me the way I used to because I can control my energy dump, as it were, and it doesn't affect me the way it used to. But, you know, sometimes I'm just super fucking mellow. I'm not a spaz like I am on my podcast.

2:48 Certainly, I up the energy for you guys, and I've allowed myself to be a little more mellow on this one to show you that I, too, am an introvert. I, too, pull girls like no tomorrow. And I, too, am unapologetic about being drained by people because that's the difference. Extroverts are actually filled up by people, and that's why typically extroverts will do better, again, initially with women is because they're just more obvious. Women see them quicker, and they can make women feel good by the energy that they put into them.

3:21 But what we do as introverts is we make women attracted to us via frame, via mystery, via calmness and confidence about who we are as a man, and then they get attracted to us. So I want to let you know, bro, first and foremost, that you may perceive your introvert-ism, is that a word, introvert-ism, as a weakness, but I want you to perceive it as a strength. That, in fact, with many things in life, that which is our biggest weakness is indeed our biggest strength. I know for me, my biggest strength is this endless creativity, this endless passion to create more and more and more, to put out more content, to do more podcasts, to work and grow my business.

3:59 But with that, my greatest weakness is sometimes I get a little bit stressed out. Sometimes I get a little bit exhausted. So many times, you know, your biggest superpower is your biggest weakness. But I want you guys to really focus, especially if you're an introvert, on why this is your biggest superpower. Okay, so first and foremost, it's all about frame. Okay, and when I say frame, that is essentially owning the fact that you're mellow, owning the fact that you're an introvert, and owning the fact that you're not a spaz, and thinking that that's the best way ever, the coolest thing ever for you.

4:30 Okay, so many times, guys come into the space, and they try to change themselves into one of those spazzy, outgoing kind of guys who looks to be an extrovert. But really, what you need to do is completely own the fact that you're an introvert and think that it's the fucking shit. Like, there's nothing cooler than being an introvert. I'm completely secure with this, and I make no apologies for it. And that's why I named this the Unapologetic Man Podcast, is because we don't want to apologize for who we are.

5:06 We want to think that it's the absolute best thing for us, and if she can't see it, if she doesn't respect it, then that's her issue. Now, by thinking that way, they are going to respect it. They are going to see it, and they are going to get attracted to it, because the most attractive thing about a man is security in himself. Being completely at one with who he is, and not trying to change himself to accommodate others. Okay, so if and when you approach a woman, and you happen to be feeling mellow, then be congruent with how you're feeling.

5:38 Be congruent with who you are. I mean, I've seen some of the best pickup artists I've ever seen in my life be like super mellow guys, and go up to girls and just be like, hey, what's up? Had to meet you. Now, obviously, as an introvert, we can oftentimes make excuses as to why to not go talk to that girl, because I don't know what to say. I'm too shy. And by the way, being shy is just an excuse for fear of rejection, in my opinion.

6:00 It's a complete illusion that oftentimes parents will give kids to justify their fear of being rejected. I don't want to put myself out there, because I don't want to be rejected. Therefore, I'm quote-unquote shy. But if you are an introvert, and you're not feeling super outgoing at that moment, and you just want to go talk to a girl, then be that. Be completely congruent with how you're feeling, because when you try to be something you're not, women pick up on that. So oftentimes, when I'm feeling mellow, I'll just go up and be like, hey, what's up?

6:34 Had to meet you. Thought you were cute. My name is Mark. What's up? What's your name? And I'm not like overly smiling. I don't have like all this like spazzy energy. I am always putting good energy into her. And I always make sure I feel good within myself. But make no mistake, you don't have to be like super spazzy and upbeat and listening to like hardcore music to feel good within yourself. Think about how you feel after a good meditation session. I don't know about you, but I meditate every single day.

7:00 And afterwards, I'm super mellow, but like I'm vibrating at a very high level. And people pick up on that. And sometimes I'll be in that state when I go approach a girl. See, I'm not trying to get myself in any other state unless I'm feeling negative. And I feel like my vibration is down. That's the only thing I'm going to try to pump up. But I'm not going to try to pump up or differentiate my delivery because I don't feel like being spazzy. And think about approaching a woman in a coffee shop.

7:29 In those instances, even an extrovert has to tone himself down so that he can match the mood of the environment and the mood of the woman. So when approaching a woman, if you are unapologetic about who you are, have complete frame in it. And even if she questions you to flip it back on her, you will get her attracted to you. Okay. So let's say you're an introvert. You're a very mellow guy, which again, I've had so many introverts come into my program. Absolutely crush it by realizing that, Hey, this is me.

7:58 I love me. I accept me. And I'm going to deliver me to this girl. And it's actually going to get her more attracted just because I'm unapologetic about it. So let's say you're speaking to a woman and you're really mellow and you're just being yourself. And she's like, wow, you are really mellow. Do you ever like get excited? Do you ever smile? And in that instance, provided she's kind of like teasing you, she's trying to get a rise out of you. She's testing your boundaries. You could be like, the real question is, do you ever get mellow?

8:29 Do you ever find the peace within yourself by just calming down and coming into the present moment? And instead of trying to be like super spazzy, always checking in your cell phone, you're just present with yourself and just having a conversation like we are. So as an introvert, when speaking to a woman, you are relentlessly accepting of who you are. And if she questions you, you throw it back at her, right? And this is the way to get girls as an introvert. It's all through frame.

8:56 It's all through going up and not being like uncomfortable for the fact that you're chill, going up and not being apologetic for the fact that you're chill and going up and not trying to change yourself and like smile a lot and be something that you aren't. It's being 100% congruent. And congruence is attractive to women. Why? Because it shows that you accept yourself. And when you accept yourself, you have a high survivability. Women's attraction is always based on your survivability as a man. What does that mean?

9:26 Survivability means your ability to succeed in society. A man who is successful in society is an alpha male. And an alpha male is always completely accepting of himself. So when you go up and actually show her that you're not trying to be Dr. Spaz like all these other dudes, but in fact, you're willing to be just completely who you are. That's ridiculously attractive. So now you have used your introvertism. I don't even know if that's a word, but I'm using it because it fits nicely in most of these sentences.

9:55 Now you're using your introvertism as an actual tool to show girls that you accept yourself because every other dude is trying to be something he's not. You're in like a really loud nightclub. It's like super energetic and people are spazzing out everywhere. And you're like, God, hell dude, I got to like bring my energy up past these jackasses. I just can't do that, man. I can't be Mr. Life of the Party. I'm just a chill guy. I'm just dialed into a different level. Fine, bro. Be that and go show it to women.

10:21 And when you're unapologetic about it and you just are who you are, that's going to get them attracted to you, especially if they challenge you on it, especially if they say, man, you are like so mellow, man, don't you ever smile? Don't you pipe up or anything? And just like I told you, boys, you say the real question is, or you agree and amplify and be like, yeah, my job is to work at the sanitarium and calm down all the inmates in there that just like spaz out because I'm so mellow.

10:52 They just like chill out immediately when I walk into the room. And I've also been petitioned by the elevator company to just like stand in elevators and talk to calm everybody down who has anxiety. So yeah, that's what I do. So it's like you just amplify it. You make no apologies for it and you own that shit completely. If you guys want more lessons about frame control, I've dropped several episodes on this podcast. If you search my name, Mark Singh and frame control, you as an introvert, the most important thing is frame control.

11:19 So I want you guys to completely master that, totally understand it. And when people question you, when they doubt you, if you can flip it on them in the ways that I teach in those lessons, as well as most importantly, in my three month coaching program, girls will get attracted to you without you having to change who you are. Okay. Another superpower you have is that you can be somewhat aloof. Okay. This is something that I struggle with mightily. And I've worked on quite a bit over the years is because I tend to be able to really focus in on people.

11:51 And I consider myself to be an empath, which means I can kind of feel people's energy. I can really understand where they're coming from. And I'm a good communicator. And sometimes that can work to my disadvantage. Whereas with some introverts, it's kind of hard to get a read on these guys sometimes, right? Has anyone ever told you that it's kind of hard to read you. It's kind of hard to know what you're thinking. It's kind of hard to get into your head because you're naturally quiet.

12:16 You're naturally chill, but this can be gigantic with women. Absolutely gigantic. Where for example, one of my introverted clients, Al, he's just a super chill guy, man. When this guy was born, God put the dial way down to one when it came to energy. And I said, listen, Al, don't worry about that. Completely own it. Here's what you're going to say to these girls. Remember that frame control is the most important thing. And I want you to use that aloofness, that mystery about you to your advantage.

12:44 Okay. So for example, when I'd be talking to Al, sometimes he'd like look over my shoulder or seem like he wasn't completely paying attention to me. He seemed a little bit like hard to get right. And think about that when we're hard to get, when we're hard to nail down, that's extremely attractive. And this is why women play hard to get. And this is also why I teach the concept of push pull or false disqualifiers. But when it comes to being an introvert, if your attention is kind of hard to like maintain, like you're looking over her shoulder, you're kind of looking around.

13:17 I wouldn't necessarily like check my cell phone while speaking to a woman unless she goes into something super negative. But if you can use that natural tendency to be more in your own head than in the conversation and just go with it and don't apologize for it, don't try to change it. That is actually extremely attractive as is mystery. And that's my third point. There are things that are mysterious about you as an introvert. People can't quite get a read on you. They don't really know a lot about you because you're not sitting there piping up the whole time talking.

13:49 I'll tell you the person who has the most power in a conversation is the person who says the least. So use that power to your advantage and be mysterious. For example, she's like, so what do you do for a living? You'd be like, oh, you definitely don't want to know that. You don't want to know about that. Or she's like, where do you come from? You'd be like, ah, it's best I don't tell you because you might get mad. Right? It's like building that mystery so that she wants to chase you.

14:12 And this is the way I make women chase me. It's like the old comment. There's so many good things about you, but just one bad. Or the comment, you do this one thing that's so cute, but I don't want to tell you what it is because then you'll stop doing it. That is an awesome line for an introvert because she wants to try to get something from you. She's chasing after you and your natural aloofness, your natural quietness, your natural retracting into your own head is going to make her want to get into your head.

14:39 And that's what the power of being an introvert is. So make no mistake, gentlemen, it is not a weakness that you're an introvert. Own that shit. Be proud of it. You're cerebral. You're a good thinker. You're probably extremely intelligent. You're probably extremely well-spoken or at the very least, you're a clear thinker who knows what he wants. But unfortunately, society as a whole has taught us that extroverts are the ones that get laid and you can't get girls as an introvert. It's absolutely false. But the trick, of course, is to own it.

15:12 Okay. So I don't want you to change, man. I want you to go deeper into who you are and accept it. That being said, okay, now here's the caveat that a lot of you guys aren't going to like to hear, but I'm honest with my clients and I'm honest with my listeners. I can't be your mentor unless I'm willing to be your tour mentor. That being said, you still have to go talk to people. Now for introverts, especially the extremely introverted kind of guys, that's very difficult for them.

15:39 And I get it. But if you just go up and have regular conversations without trying to be spazzy, but instead just feeling good within yourself, like kind of like that Zen master who's always centered inside himself, which you are because you're an introvert, who just has a good vibe about him. If you can go up and kind of give people that vibe and do as I talk about in my podcast episodes, but more importantly, in my three month coaching program, which is to approach and eject to get yourself warmed up, get yourself used to approaching strangers and also NLP, which is something that I do to remove negative belief systems, such as don't bother people.

16:14 Don't talk to strangers, stranger danger, right? All these things that have been taught to us. When you remove that, you realize that strangers are friends I haven't met yet. And some of my best friends are introverts, man. This one friend, I call him Dave because his name is Dave, but he used to go surfing outside of my house in Santa Cruz. And I would always yell Dave. And it kind of sounded like Dave. So I renamed him Dave. My boy Dave is the mellowest fucking guy I've ever met, but he pulls super hot girls because again, he's unapologetic about it.

16:46 But as you practice to get better with women, boys, the one thing you do have to do is to approach people. Okay. And I know your introverted nature will convince you. Well, it's not natural for me to approach people. It is. Even as an introvert, strangers are friends I haven't met yet. People are cool when you're cool to them. Trust me, brother. They are. So what I suggest to my extremely introverted clients initially is to do what I call approach and eject. Okay. Just go up, ask a quick question and then eject.

17:16 Hey, where's the olive oil in this place? Hey, I see you have a watermelon in your cart. Where'd you get that thing? Where's the fruit section? Hey, I see you have Starbucks. Where'd you get that? Hey, that person's cool. I'm looking for a present for my sister for her birthday. Where'd you buy that thing? Or, Hey, I had to let you know your outfit is super cute today. Keep up the good work. Okay. And I can say that mellow as an introvert. I could be like, Hey, real quick.

17:40 Had to let you know your outfit is really cute today. Keep up the good work. Okay. I'm not like being spazzy and being like, Hey, I had to let you know. Awesome outfit, bro. Double backflip into a fucking high five. You don't need to do all that. You just need to give value, give good energy, be a go giver. And yes, you can do that as an introvert and be unapologetic about your delivery. And if she questions it, which by the way, if you're congruent with yourself and you're unapologetic and confident about who you are, she's not going to even question it.

18:06 But if she does, you do the frame control reversals that I teach and you make it about her. You make it about her, right? She's like, wow, you are really low key. And you're like, yeah, I'm so low key. I'm not going to even respond to that comment. So anyway, then you carry on, right? It's just like, you're the shit, you know it, own it, brother, be confident in yourself. You were born this way for a reason. And you have gifts. You have talents. You have something that a woman would be thrilled to be with.

18:39 Women love mellow dudes who are mysterious and secure and who can lead her calmly without being thrown to and fro by life circumstances. I have this thing in my coaching called the inner balance point, inner balance point. It's like this line within yourself that when you're straddling it, when you're secure around it, a woman or anybody else in society can't get you off of it. The cool thing about introverts is they usually have a really strong inner balance point. They just are who they are. They're in their own head a lot, but it's like they can't be swayed.

19:15 They're not affected by the outside because they're in their own head. That is a superpower, brother. In fact, frame control, the ability to be unapologetic about who you are and stay on that inner balance point is the single most attractive thing to a woman. And this is why the introverts that I know who are willing to push themselves slightly outside their comfort zone and just go talk to people usually get almost more success than the extroverts. Of course, it depends on the person, depends on their inner belief systems, which again, I remove and replace with NLP.

19:44 But for the most part, they both have their advantages. And yes, introverts can get unbelievable success. Unbelievable success. As I'm sitting here recording this, I'm thinking about all the introverted guys I've coached, all the friends I've had through the years. And these dudes pull like now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, damn, these guys actually pull a ton of chicks. And it's just that being seated within themselves that gets them that ridiculous success. So naturally, man, you're going to have to work on it. You're going to have to accept yourself.

20:14 And hopefully this episode opened your eyes that yes, your introvertism is a superpower. But until you fully accept that, you're not really going to get the results with it until you understand that it is a superpower. So if you'd like to work with me where I can literally reprogram your brain where you fully accept that shit and tell you what to talk about, tell you how to approach these girls, tell you how to leverage your introvertism to your unbelievable advantage, you can sign up with a free one-on-one breakthrough session with me.

20:44 You and I are going to get on the phone together for about an hour. We're going to talk about your issues. I'm going to do a little coaching and we're going to see if you're a good fit for my three-month coaching program. Obviously, I'm looking for clients who are willing to invest about five to 10 hours a week, who are willing to invest in themselves monetarily and who are serious about getting this part of their life settled once and for all. You can click the first link in the description below, or you can go to my website, CoachMarkSing.com.

21:14 Click on coaching, fill in the quick application, and you and I will get on that one-on-one call together. My final statement for you is this, brother. Accept yourself, man. Like seriously, accept yourself. Because you have amazing attributes. You have amazing qualities. You were born to bring value into this world. So don't beat yourself up because you don't fit some preconceived notion of what you think a girl magnet is. You are a girl magnet waiting to happen. I believe in you, and I want you to believe in yourself.

21:44 Introvert, extrovert, it doesn't matter. It's all about accepting yourself as if you chose the way you are. And I want to leave you with that. Accept yourself as if you chose it. That will hopefully help you a little bit. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, so please stay tuned for the next one, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.