How to Deal With Anger ... Frustration ... and Injustice

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What's up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. If you've been riding along with me for a long time, smack yourself on the ass. You are a champion. If this is your first time, what we try to do here is give the best information possible in the least amount of time because your time is very valuable.

0:37 I know your time is valuable. You know your time is valuable. Hell, even I know your time is valuable. So we're going to jump straight into it. What do you say? A lot of you guys are frustrated. You're angry. There's injustice going on in your life. Things aren't fair. Things aren't working out for you. Maybe it's with women. Maybe it's with your career. Maybe it's with how you look. Something isn't working out and it freaking pisses you off. And you know what? You have every right to be pissed off because life isn't fair.

1:07 There is injustices happening all the time. And if you're the victim of them, hey, bro, I feel for you. I honor your feelings. I know what it's like. Trust me. I know what it's like. And sometimes it's okay to get pissed and be like, this is bullshit. This is not cool. This is injustice. Why does that motherfucker over there get to pull all the girls? And he looks like your favorite troll that came out of a storybook. Yet he's pulling all these girls. Yet me, I can't even do the same thing.

1:32 Or like your best friend gets all the girls or your best friend gets all the money or all the opportunities or whatever it may be. It sucks. And I understand that. But in this podcast, I want to talk about a perspective shift because you know what? Life sucks. And unless you get your perspective on it shifted, you're just going to be an angry person. And we don't want to be an angry person. So in this podcast, we're going to talk about how to leverage those injustices, how to leverage that frustration, how to leverage our anger to get us the best results possible and actually use that energy to better ourselves and to get what we want.

2:07 And instead of giving up, we actually use the frustration to win this game because that's the only thing we can do here is to win the game. Now, the reason I wanted to record this podcast is because today I went to jujitsu. And in jujitsu, it takes a long ass time to go through belts. Okay, so I'm going to give you a quick background, not going to waste too much time here. We're going to do it in 15 seconds. Watch. In jujitsu, they have white belt, blue belt, purple belt, brown belt, black belt.

2:34 Takes most people 10 years to get their black belt, if not sometimes 15 or even 20. Takes about two years to get your blue belt. If you want to do it really quickly, it takes about a year. And that's the first belt. So you start off as a white belt. And each time you get a stripe. And what a stripe is, is basically letting people know, okay, this guy has ascended. Now, there's four stripes before you get your blue belt. And I'm trying to get my blue belt. It's my goal.

2:57 And I've been in this thing for two years. Broken my toe. Cracked a rib. Broke my finger. And tonight, I fucked up my knee. I don't know what's going on with it, but it hurts like a bitch. It's all swollen up. Might have to get that x-rayed. And in addition to that, I have been up for my fourth stripe for about a month now. Now, COVID happened. So it's more like four months. But I've been back in jiu-jitsu. And I'm supposed to get my fourth stripe.

3:23 Now, there's an unwritten law in jiu-jitsu where you're not allowed to talk about like, hey, can I please get my stripe? You're not supposed to say anything. But I have met all the minimum requirements. I've attended enough classes. I've been doing it for the minimum amount of time that they require between stripes. I'm even rolling with other four-stripe white belts and holding my own. So I deserve it. And tonight, I thought for sure, okay, dude, tonight's the night. I'm like six classes over. I'm months over.

3:49 I got all the prerequisites. Still didn't get my promotion. And I was fucking pissed. I hurt my knee. And I'm standing in line there. And I'm like, well, at least I'm going to get promoted tonight. I'm pretty stoked on that. Nope. Got passed up. I don't know why, but I can't ask. So it's kind of like you just have to suffer the injustice. So I rip off my trash car and I fucking throw it in my car. And I get in my car and I slam the door.

4:13 And I'm like, motherfucker, dude, I should have got promoted. And I start laughing. I'm like, okay, slow down there, buddy. Okay, first of all, anybody who made it to black belt had way more injustices than you. And come on, dude, first world problems, right? Like really, you're going to get butthurt over this? What about all that shit you talk on your podcast about controlling the frame, not letting things get into your reality, not being reactive? You're being a pussy right now. So shut up. You're going to get it eventually.

4:41 Maybe you're just not good enough yet. Have you ever thought about that? So I had this big speech in my head and I was like, you know what? This is a great opportunity to record a podcast about this because a lot of us suffer these frustrations. You know what? Like I said before, life isn't fair and it's going to come and kick you in the balls and things are going to be unfair. It's just the way it is. And the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can move past it.

5:03 Now, immediately after I was at jujitsu, I had to go to the supermarket to get some food for my cooking tomorrow. So I'm opening, this really happened. I'm opening a girl. I'm about to go up to her and a fucking fly flies into my eye. The second I was like, hey, and I was like, oh, there's a fly in my eye. Never mind. And like this fly totally blew me out. And I was like, God damn that fly. If I was a four-stripe white belt, I'd be able to choke out that fly.

5:30 But no, I didn't get promoted today. And so I was all butthurt and pissed off about that too. You know what? That's life and all of us suffer it. So what I want to do is I want to tackle these one at a time. And I want to start with anger. Now, when somebody is angry, what they're basically telling the world is that their failures have affected them. So they're being knocked to and fro by the outside circumstances of their life and they're pissed off about it.

5:54 When a guy gets behind you and has road rage or cuts you off and gets pissed off super easily, do you really think it was you that pissed him off? No. He's unhappy and he's resisting life. He's fighting up current. He's not surrendering to what is. And when I say surrendering to what is, I mean accepting those things that befall you because things befall all of us. Somebody who's happy and is at peace, it isn't because they're free of their problems. It's simply because they've accepted their problems.

6:23 They've surrendered to them. And like I've talked about in a previous episode, they see problems as an opportunity to solve and they choose problems they enjoy solving. So when we have anger, we're basically telling the world that we're resisting what is. We are not surrendering to the reality that problems are going to happen and we aren't enjoying the inevitable struggle that those problems create. So tonight when I got angry because I didn't get promoted, I quickly shifted it. I recognize it. I'm human. You know, I had a little episode there where I got off my inner balance point, but I quickly shifted it.

6:59 And you know what I said? I'm going to work harder. I'm going to show up more. I'm going to be so clean in the warmup. I'm going to impress the professor. I am going to practice over and over again, how to be in guard, how to pass people's guard. I'm going to prove to them that I deserve to be a four stripe white belt. Now, other people would say, fuck that school. I'm quitting. They don't respect me. They're not promoting me. But you see, that's letting them win, isn't it?

7:22 When something makes you angry, the best revenge you can get on that thing which made you angry is to harness the energy of your anger and use it to better yourself so that you can succeed in overcoming that thing that angered you. So with women, a lot of you guys get very angry about women. And that kind of relates into my past episode where I talk about how some women seem malevolent, but really it's just, they're just programmed that way and they react to you based on your attractiveness.

7:49 And a lot of guys struggle with that, as did I. And we get pissed off, don't we? What you do is you take that angry energy and you apply it to yourself. You apply it to learning this, to listening to podcasts, to working out, to bettering your body, to doing all those things that'll make you more attractive. You harness the energy and really anger is an energy flux that is created to create change. But so many of us channel it in the wrong directions. And if you quit, like if I were to quit jiu-jitsu, they win.

8:19 I fail. I just got destroyed. And as a superior man, as an unapologetic man, you use that anger to better yourself and conquer that which is holding you back. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to show up next time and just crush it. I'm going to keep my head down and keep grinding. And eventually I'll get the stripe. And maybe in four to five months, I'll get promoted to blue belt. If I don't quit, then no amount of injustices, no amount of those things done wrong to me can affect me.

8:48 In fact, I've won over them, haven't I? So that's the same thing with you is sometimes you want to quit with these girls. They drive you crazy. The way they behave doesn't make sense. It all just seems like a big waste of time. But see, this isn't an exercise in getting your dick wet. This is an exercise in perseverance. And if you're getting angry, then good. It's worth it. It's hard. Just like jujitsu is hard. That's why I chose jujitsu. Ten years to get a black belt.

9:14 In some disciplines, it takes two years. The same amount of time I'm putting in just to get my blue belt. That's real. And that's what self-development is. That's what getting good with women is. It's real. And if you're getting angry, you know it's worth it. You know that there's challenges. I've broken my hand. I've broken my foot. I've cracked my rib. Now my knee is fucked up. Yeah, that's worth it. So am I going to quit? Hell no. I'm going to get angry and channel the anger into becoming a better jujitsu player.

9:40 That's the answer. The next thing is frustration. Frustration is when things don't go your way. The problem here is that I have a preconceived expectation of what should happen. But like I said in a previous episode as well, I'm shooting all over myself, aren't I? I should be promoted. I should be four striper. I should this, I should that, fill in the blank. When you let go of your shoulds, then suddenly the reality doesn't become so difficult for you to swallow. You can surrender to it.

10:10 You can have non-resistance to it. So when you're frustrated, you're resisting something. You are swimming up the current. You're not going with the flow. Problems happen to all of us. The person who handles them correctly is the one who can just go with them, say, hey, that's going to happen, and work to solve them. And that too is an energy and frustration. You harness the frustration and you put it towards solving the problem. You don't put it towards hindering yourself. Because ultimately, if you get frustrated, and let's say you're playing golf and you get frustrated and you huck your club, the only thing you're doing is creating problems for yourself.

10:47 It's almost like the old adage, the negative energy you put out there comes back to hit you. And it's funny, isn't it? Sometimes when we get frustrated and we take our anger out, it hurts us back. And that happens to me all the time. I stub my toe and then I punch the fucking wall. And what happens? I hurt my hand. So the same energy that we put out there to try to get revenge on the frustration in a negative way comes back to hit us even harder.

11:12 But instead, if we can harness that energy and put it into getting revenge in a positive way by beating it, then we better ourselves and we also take revenge in a way that doesn't come back to hit us in the face. And finally, injustice. I am obsessed with BUDS training, which is the Navy SEAL kind of like entrance exam that they have to take. They go through this unbelievably difficult military training. You get 200 guys who start and only like 18 will graduate because everybody else quits. Well, one of the things that the instructors do is they do injustices to these students.

11:48 And one of the examples is on the Monday morning, they have to have their room totally clean. So the proctors come in and they check it and it has to be clean enough to eat off the ground, right? They buff the floors, they get rid of all the sand, they clean up, their bed is strung tight. You can bounce quarters off of it. Well, sometimes to some students, the instructors will come in early in the morning, sneak through the window and pour sand everywhere and totally screw up their room.

12:13 The same room that they spent the entire weekend cleaning. Then when they come into the room, it's already destroyed. The students get yelled at and they get sent to the surf to go get wet. And then they got to get sandy and they got to get freezing cold and it's complete injustice. Well, the instructors do this because that's life. They want to teach you that injustice is going to happen. Are you going to quit because of that injustice? Now, the interesting phenomenon is a lot of the students quit because they want to take quote unquote revenge on the instructors.

12:44 It's almost like a, you can't do this to me. I'm out of here. It's an act of revenge, but really you're just doing what the instructors want and we can use that and apply it to life. Can't we? If you say, fuck you, I'm out of here. I'm not doing this. You're just screwing over yourself. Just like quitting BUDS training. These guys had a lifelong dream to become a Navy SEAL. And because the instructors were fucking with them and they saw the injustice in it, they quit to get revenge on the instructor, but really they just hit themselves in the face, just like punching the wall with their fist.

13:13 So when there's injustice in life, such as me not getting my fourth stripe, what do you do? You don't quit. In fact, not fucking quitting is an act of revenge. It's an act of sovereignty saying, you can't make me quit life. In fact, I'm going to go harder. I'm going to put in more effort. I'm going to be better and I'm going to keep going and you can do as many injustices to me as you want. You can kick me down as many times as you want, but I know eventually if I never quit, I will eventually succeed.

13:43 Old man failure cannot cope with persistence. I want to say that again. It's a quote from Napoleon Hill. Old man failure cannot cope with persistence. So you just never quit. You keep going. You keep trying. You try harder. You don't let calamity, injustice, anger, and frustration bring you down. In fact, you harness them because they're a good energy. They're a potent energy and you apply them to go even harder to get the success that you're there for to begin with, to get that fourth stripe, to get the blue belt, to get the girl, to get the money.

14:17 You keep fucking going because eventually you cannot not succeed. If you just don't quit. So the lesson today is injustice is going to happen. Anger is going to happen. Frustration is going to happen. Are you going to be defeated by it or are you going to harness it and use it to your advantage and beat it by overcoming it? You and I both know the answer to that. You know what to do now. If you're struggling with women, good. Use that frustration to get better. Use those lessons to improve yourself.

14:48 Use the energy of anger to go lift weights and improve your body. Use the failure and pain of rejection to build your frame, to strengthen your frame, and to strengthen your ability to take social pressure. One of the best ways to improve in life is through failure. Will you get up again? Will you look that challenge in the eye, rise again, and say, bring it. Get knocked down again and get back up and look it in the eye and say, I'm not dead, so I can't quit.

15:16 Put one foot in front of the other. Never quit. It's very simple. Anyway, guys, I do appreciate you listening. That was more to motivate me than to motivate anybody else because I needed it. My fucking knee is throbbing right now. I'm pissed, but you know what? I'm going to go back. The second my knee heals, I'm going to show up in that line as a three-stripe white belt, and I'm just going to show up and keep going and show all those professors that I'm dedicated. You know, 90% of people quit jiu-jitsu, not me.

15:45 I will not fucking quit until I get my blue belt. Break my arm. Break my leg. Break anything. I will fucking show back up. COVID-19, broken ribs, broken toe, I don't care. I'm not going to quit, and therefore, that blue belt is inevitable. Just like for you, you want to be a girl magnet? Keep going. Failure cannot cope with persistence. All right, guys, thanks again for listening, and I'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.