HOW TO KILL YOUR EGO!!!

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. If you've been writing with me for a long time, you know what to do. Smack yourself on the ass, you're a goddamn champion. If this is your first time here, yes, I do tell my listeners to smack themselves on the ass because that's what you do when you're trying to let somebody know they're a goddamn champion.

0:39 I actually just got back from a four-day trip into the woods and that's what this episode is based on. I ran into a guy who had a gigantic ego and I was like, oh, I should probably do a podcast on that because we haven't talked about that yet. So excited to give you guys my thoughts on what the ego is, how it manifests itself in your life, and then how to get rid of it and actually how to leverage it. So I hope to give you guys some good information here.

1:08 Before I jump into the content, you know what to do. Please leave me a review. If the information in this podcast is up to snuff, I really would appreciate it. You can also jump over to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com, and grab your free copy of the Approach Formula, How to Approach a Girl Without Rejection or Fear. Also, if you do leave me that review, email me at CoachMarkSingh at gmail.com and I'll send you a bunch of cool shit. All right, what do you say we jump into it?

1:34 So this starts with a short little story. I was in the woods this weekend riding my ATV, and I was going up this really technical rocky section. It is called the Rocky Mountains, after all, here in Colorado. And God bless, they were rocky. And it was really technical, and I'm kind of a beginner, and I'm not that good at riding the ATV yet. So I get to the top of this really gnarly section, and these three dirt bikes come down, and they stop. They're like, hey, what's up, man?

2:00 I'm like, hey, guys, how you doing? And I was like, hey, where you guys just came from? Is it really rocky like it is here? And the guy in the front is like, no, it's pretty smooth. And I was like, yeah, it was pretty smooth that way too. And he's like, oh, I know. I come here all the time. I know how it is. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And he was really forceful about it, and I can tell that was his ego. He wanted me to know that he's a really good dirt bike rider.

2:27 He comes out here all the time. He had all the coolest gear on, and he was real cocky about it. And it made me realize, to him, he defines himself as some cool dirt biker who goes into the Rocky Mountains all the time and knows all the trails, has the map basically memorized, and he wants everybody to know that. He wouldn't have said that. Who gives a shit what I think? He's never going to see me again. But he really wanted me to know that. So I want to talk about why he wanted me to know that, why we have egos.

2:58 And by the way, we all have egos, including you, definitely including me, and what it is and the purpose of it and why we have it. So the ego is part of us that seeks our identity and outside things like reputation, status, looks, accomplishments, experiences, how much money you have, how good you are with women compared to other men, etc. So what it believes is that I am what I have, I am what I do, I am my reputation, I am what I look like, I am my accomplishments, and I am my nationality.

3:35 It also believes that if this thing and that thing could finally happen, then happiness will finally be achieved. And that basically means that the means will justify the end. Okay, so it believes that once a condition in life is met, right, you have the job that pays you lots of money, you have the hot girlfriend, you've got the cool car, you've got the perfect house, you've got the yacht, whatever it is in your mind that you think the condition is that you're eventually going to reach, then that will give you happiness.

4:07 But obviously, that is a complete illusion. And it's an illusion that's basically created by the ego, which has a voracious appetite. It just wants more, more, more, and it's never satisfied. After it gets what it wants, like let's say you think that the BMW is going to make you happy, okay, so you work for the BMW, you finally get it. Yeah, it's going to be, you're going to feel happy for like a couple weeks, but we all know the feeling. When you buy something, when you accomplish something, after a few weeks, it dies off, and then you're like, well, now what, right?

4:38 Well, maybe if I finally get that girl, then I'll be happy. Yeah, that's it. I want the blonde in the BMW. Now that's going to make me happy. Okay, let me get the blonde. So then you work on that, and you finally get the blonde, and then she's in the BMW, and you're like, eh, that wasn't really it, man. Maybe I need a family. Let me marry the blonde and then get a family. And you're like, well, that wasn't it. So this can be a continuous thing throughout our entire lives, and you'll see it with people.

5:05 They're always looking for like the next thing. And after I met that guy, I was thinking about my buddy who he's always thinking about the future. Like when this and that happens, it's going to be so amazing. When we finally get here, bro, we're going to finally be happy. And I remember one time we took a cruise down to Mexico, and it was a really good time. We were meeting all kinds of girls. We were like running game, and we had plans to go to Las Vegas like three months later to go game over there.

5:31 And all he was talking about was Las Vegas. And I was like, bro, like be here now. We're on the cruise ship. Like when we get to Vegas, are you going to be talking about the past? Why are you avoiding the present moment? Well, that's what the ego does. It always thinks that the future is going to be better. When I arrive there, that's when I'm going to be happy. But that is a damn illusion. But the reason it does this is because it gets pleasure and more, okay?

5:55 More things to buy, more accomplishments to have, more people to beat, more trophies on the shelf, etc. Okay, so for example, people who shop all the time are really run by their ego. I remember I used to have a friend when I was a kid, and his mom, they were really rich. His mom would always be buying stuff on the internet. She was addicted to buying stuff so much, in fact, that packages would come, and she wouldn't even open them. There was just a stack of packages, like in the den, where she would just buy, like, ornaments and lawn things and furniture and pictures and whatever the hell she wanted.

6:32 And then it just, like, was stacking up in the den. And that's because her ego is just, like, constantly seeking more and more and more. Maybe if I buy this one more thing that I can get happy. It's also the problem with people who are, like, addicted to food, right? It's like if I just keep stuffing it in, the pleasure trap, right? I just keep stuffing it, stuffing it, then eventually I'll find the answer through that pleasure trap. But that's why it's called a pleasure trap is because it's a trap.

6:58 It doesn't work that way. Same with shopping. Same with constantly needing to be better, to beat people, to be the best. I want to be the best at this. I want to be the best at this sport. Bro, like, once you're the best, and by the way, you can never really be the best. There's always somebody better than you, and when you get to that point, it's not going to be enough. They're going to be like, okay, I'm the best in, let's say, wrestling. Well, I want to be the best now in my work.

7:25 Nah, I want to be the best in getting girls. I want to make the most money. I want, I want, I want. Remember, it's voracious, and it's going to continue to make you want more and more and more. This is called transient sense gratification. Transient means short-term. Sense means like sensory gratification, being gratified. So you get gratified for a short amount of time, and then it dissipates, and you just want more. It's a never-ending cycle that will never get you the true happiness that you're looking for.

7:56 So people who shop all the time, they're basically walking out of Nordstrom's with a bag in their hand, and they're essentially clutching an illusion. Okay, here's an interesting example. Women who are very attractive will oftentimes have really solidified egos. You guys know about this. Their whole lives, they're taught to be happy because they look good, and their ego loves to attach itself to their looks. So if you can find an attractive girl that doesn't allow her ego to make her feel above others because of it, definitely keep her because those are very rare.

8:31 Okay, so what does the ego fear? Basically, it fears everything. Especially its own demise. So the fact that you're listening to this, and if any of this is new to you, your ego is like hating this. It's like, no, it's bullshit. I don't know about this. That's because it doesn't want to die. It fears its own demise. Why does it fear everything? Here it is. Because it is fear. Ego is fear. It's your ego that wants to protect you when someone insults you. The ego fears that if it allows the insult to exist, it will die.

9:06 Okay, so what does the ego identify with? Anything. As long as you give it something to hold on to and base its identity around. So even people who are sick or people who are victimized or people who are, you know, downtrodden, poor, they have the woes me thing going on. That's basically their ego latching on to an identity. And oftentimes they'll try to lord it over you like, oh, it must be nice. Your life is so good. It's tough over here, you know, on Struggle Street.

9:36 I can't catch a break, man. It's always like so bad on me. I'm just like married to bad luck. That's their ego. Grabbing on to anything, even if it's something bad, because it wants the identity. It wants to feel like it's more downtrodden than you are. So therefore, it's superior to you. See how that works? Like if someone says, man, it must be nice, that what they're saying is, oh, you have it easy. My life is hard. I'm better than you because I struggle more than you.

10:03 That's the ego. All right. It also really loves to grab on to things like I'm a surfer. I had that going on big time when I was younger and I used to surf all the time. Like I'm a surfer. I wear the surfing clothes. I talk like a surfer, say dude all the time, which I'm still guilty of. Lawyers do this. Doctors do this. Even being a misunderstood adolescent or a guy who has been, you know, fucked over by girls, which a lot of my clients are, it wants to grab on to an identity.

10:35 It's really important to it. All right. Now let's shift gears and talk about why the ego holds you back. The reason it holds you back is because it constantly keeps you in a seeking mode. It keeps you forever unsatisfied. For example, if you struggle for four years to get your degree, the whole time believing that the degree will be the answer to all your problems, you'll soon get a whole other goal that will finally get you the happiness, right? So like the degree, eh, it felt good.

11:02 I graduated. Yeah, I was happy for two weeks. But you know what? If I get that job, then I'll be happy. Okay. You get the job, you party it up. Then the next morning you're like, ah, you know, that really isn't satisfying me. Well, maybe the promotion. And it's that continuous cycle. All right. So this goes into the spiritual truth that all conditions are impermanent. Okay. This is a Buddhist truth that Buddha talked about. All conditions are impermanent. Change is constant. Therefore, even if you reach a state that you think is going to make you happy, if you fully believe, once I get girls, bro, I'm going to be totally happy.

11:39 Once you get girls, and trust me, I've been there. Once you start getting girls, it's not satisfying anymore. And furthermore, it's impermanent. It's constantly changing. So therefore, your wants are going to constantly change too. So where's the illusion? The illusion is in thinking that a condition is going to make you happy. All right. So why does the ego hold us back with women? It holds us back because it depends on things going well with women to feel good about itself. Okay. When we're like this, our state is contingent on outside circumstances.

12:10 That is her validation. We're off our inner balance point. As I always talk about, we have a weak reality. And that is extremely unattractive to women. Okay. So part of this is simply identifying like, oh shit, my ego really wants to be good with girls. Not because I want the good feeling of having women in my life. Not because I want choice, but because I want to feel cool to my friends. I want to feel like I'm somebody special. I want to feel validated. I want to feel like I'm enough.

12:40 And then once again, you get outcome dependent. Women can sense that and it's very unattractive to them. So if you have this awareness alone is curative, just start recognizing it. Let's get honest with ourselves. I got an ego too, man. I love to shop for shit. I love buying outdoor gear, knives, guns. I've just bought a fucking ATV. And now once you get the ATV, you got to get the helmet. You got to get the gloves. You got to get the backpack and all the cool stuff.

13:08 So believe me, I'm caught in this cycle too. And I'm fighting it constantly, but let's recognize it in ourselves. When we recognize it in ourselves, we can make moves to remedy it. And I want to talk about that more towards the end of this podcast. All right. So the ego looks for strength in those things that weaken you. It's a fear-based mentality and it attracts nothing but negativity into your life. All right. So here's a bold statement I want to make about the ego. The ego is responsible for all the negativity and suffering in this world.

13:40 All of it. All the world's problems, all of them are caused by egos combating other egos. All right. Now, as you've listened to my podcast, this may have occurred to you. You say, well, Mark, okay. So you tell me to be a champion. You tell me to be my own hero. You tell me to talk to myself in a way that's really positive, right? Like I'm a champ. I'm a girl magnet. I'm a legend. I'm enough. I am my own hero, et cetera. Well, what's going on here?

14:10 Isn't that just the ego? It's not. See, ego and self-esteem are different. Ego needs to prove itself to others. It needs the trophy on the shelf to show other people that you've succeeded. Whereas self-esteem doesn't need to prove anything to other people. It just needs to prove to yourself. Self-validation. And prove isn't even really the right word. It just is. I'm self-validated. I am a girl magnet. I don't need to prove it to anybody. I don't even really need to prove it to myself. I don't need to smack myself on the back and say, yeah, dude, like I finally got that girl.

14:44 Therefore, I can feel good about myself. No. You feel good about yourself first. You see the feeling comes first. Then the result comes. And that's being self-validated. Now, to get really deep down the rabbit hole, this also goes into my previous podcast about the law of attraction. When you feel a certain way first, then the conditions will align to the way that you feel, not the other way around. All right. So I know I went deep there, bro. I went deep in the pocket. But it's really important that you understand this.

15:14 Okay. So once again, true self-esteem doesn't depend on anything outside itself. It's solely from within. When the way that you talk to yourself has more weight upon how you feel than what other people say or think, that's self-esteem. All right. So switching gears slightly, I want to talk about reputation a little bit. You really shouldn't be concerned with your reputation. You should be concerned with your character because that's the only thing you really have control over. There's a book out there called What You Think of Me is None of My Business.

15:46 And I think that's a great title, and I think you guys should make that a part of your daily affirmations. All right. Let's talk about how to dissolve the ego now that we have a pretty good definition of what it is and you guys recognize it within yourself. So the way to dissolve it is to simply recognize it and know that it's acting in your life and start making moves to eradicate it. Okay. So here's an interesting example. How comfortable would you be if somebody started educating you on something you know a lot about?

16:17 So let's say, for example, I don't know, you're a mortgage loan officer and you know everything there is to know about mortgage loans. And some guy who you just met at a party or a get-together starts kind of like trying to educate you on how mortgage loans work. How bad would you want to tell him like, oh, I know, bro, like I'm a mortgage loan officer. Don't worry about me. I know everything there is to know about mortgage loans. Can you shut up when somebody starts educating you on something you already know a lot about?

16:47 Can you try to let go of some of the possessions? One of the most cleansing things you can do is throw away your clothing, throw away stuff you don't use, give it away, sell it on Craigslist, whatever you can do to simplify your life and start getting rid of things. One really cool tip that I heard is to want what you already have. So when we're in this constant seeking mode, I want more, I want more possessions, I want more girls, it's really good to be appreciative and to remember those things around you that you have in your life that you wanted at one time.

17:23 So right now I just got back, like I said, from the woods and I have my bushcraft knife sitting next to me. It's a bench made bushcraft knife in this really sick leather sheath made by Sagewood Gear. I spent like, I think, 400 bucks on this thing total. And so it's a knife. I remember really wanting this thing. Well, right now I want to get another knife, right? I'm like looking at other knives. But what I've been doing is as a spiritual practice, just being like, look, you got this super sick knife.

17:51 Why don't you focus on that and remember what it was like to want that? And it literally, I've only had the thing for a couple months. And I just look at it and I'm like, man, I remember really wanting this thing. And then it makes me appreciate it. And I won't let myself buy that other knife. You know, it's just greed. It's just like Gollum on Lord of the Rings. Like, my precious, I want more, right? Sometimes you have to just like stop yourself from being that way.

18:15 Maybe you don't buy that thing that you really want. You hold yourself back. Maybe you get rid of some possessions that you really like and simplify your life. In addition to that, notice when the ego wants to pop up and like prove other people wrong or show other people that you're cool. Maybe show off your body in a certain way or like wear clothing in a certain way. Like when you recognize the ego and almost treat it like a child who needs to be disciplined and taught a better way, then you start getting control over your ego.

18:45 Just recognizing it, just seeing it for what it is, is the way to get over it. And you just hold yourself back like, man, I don't need to correct this guy. I don't need to buy this thing. I don't need to beat that guy. I don't need to show everybody that I do X, Y, Z by putting a big ass sticker on the back of my car. I don't even need the nice car. Because what am I really buying that car for? It's just to prove it to somebody else.

19:07 Dude, I come from the freaking armpit of ego or I should say the nucleus of ego, the freaking epicenter, Southern California. And for a long time there, I was always trying to prove to like the moms in my neighborhood that I grew up in that I was successful. I'd always be like, mom, tell Linda that I'm making this much money or mom, tell Leslie that I'm doing this for work or I got this kind of car. Like show them this thing. And like eventually when I was studying this stuff as you guys are, I was like, man, this is bullshit.

19:36 Why the fuck do I care what they think? Why do I need to get that car? Do I really want a superior driving experience or am I trying to prove to other people, other people that don't even matter, like literally that don't matter at all, that I've made it, that I'm cool, that I'm successful? Fuck what they think. What do I think of myself? Do I really want that car? No, what I really want is a lifted forerunner to tow my ATV into the wilderness, go put on this epic knife and go hunt elk.

20:09 That's what I really want to do. By the way, this weekend, I stalked within 50 yards of a really big bull elk. It was super sick. It was a really cool experience. That's what I really want. I don't need to have the yacht to prove to the ladies on my street back in Southern California that I've quote unquote made it. Making it, in my opinion, is being happy. How do you get happiness? All the ways that I've talked about in this podcast. But one way is to identify the ego, see it within yourself and control it.

20:38 Discipline it. Treat it like a child who's running amok in your life or a monkey who's throwing shit. He's like bouncing all over the walls and throwing shit at you. You got to like get a hold of that fucker and be like, no little buddy, calm the fuck down, okay? We're not going to go buy this thing. We're not going to kill ourselves to win this tournament. We're not going to work a job we hate to buy shit we don't need, right? Fight club. You guys ever see that movie with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton?

21:03 Why do people work jobs they hate to buy shit they don't need? Ego. Advertising. It's bullshit. It's an illusion. So what's the way to get past it? Identify it and move past it. That's simply it. All right, guys. I went on a little tirade there, but I hope you got some good nuggets of information out of there that you can apply to your own life. If you find value in my podcast, a review is the best way to thank me, preferably a five star review with words behind it.

21:31 Then you can email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com and I will send you a bunch of really cool shit. I also have a video that I made about the ego. If any of you guys are interested in that, it's very similar to what I just said here, but you can hit me up over email and be like, yo, Mark, send me that video. We get pretty deep into it and I think the ego is a really fascinating thing. All right, guys. I'll come swinging with another podcast on Wednesday and of course on Friday and I do appreciate you listening and I'll see you in the next episode.

22:00 Bye.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.