How to Seduce Women & Get More Happiness With The Concept of Certainty vs. Uncertainty

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for coming to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. Today, we are going to talk about an interesting concept created by Tony Robbins, this thing called uncertainty versus certainty and how having the right portion of certainty versus uncertainty in your life and also in your seductions with women will radically increase your happiness and radically increase your success with women.

0:45 What I'm going to talk about first is how to apply this to your life and why this certainty versus uncertainty thing might be affecting your happiness right now. You may never have realized that this is actually affecting you. When you do realize it, you can make adjustments to your life so that you can be happier in the exact proportions of what you need specifically for yourself to get that happiness. And then more towards the end of the episode or hopefully halfway through the episode, I'll discuss how to apply this to women.

1:16 And this is so unbelievably important because if you give her the wrong mixture of this all-important ratio, she's going to either get bored with you or she's going to not trust you and she's going to leave you. This is a major problem for a lot of guys. Why they lose women in relationships, why they get friend-zoned, why they lose attraction is because they don't identify this in the woman correctly and they mess it up and then she blows him out so hard his pants fly off when the concussion hits.

1:46 I'm not going to do any plugs today. Let's just go ahead and jump right into the content. So what is this concept, certainty versus uncertainty? Well, as Tony Robbins postulates, you basically need a certain amount of certainty in your life and a certain amount of uncertainty. Okay, so for you young bucks out there, you 20-year-olds, most of the time you need a lot more uncertainty. And what is uncertainty? You don't really know what's going to happen next year. You don't know what kind of girl you're going to meet next.

2:12 You don't know where you're going to be in the next couple years. You probably want to travel, have adventures. When you're younger and a little bit less mature, let's say, uncertainty is probably your preference. And as it's your preference, if you have too much certainty in your life, say, for example, you're a young buck and you really want to have a lot of uncertainty. You want to travel the world, have adventures. And that's totally how I was. I mean, I went to Japan when I was 25, didn't care what happened after that.

2:40 And I just landed in Hawaii, became a Japanese translator, was surfing all the time, didn't care what happened after that. I was like bouncing all over the place because I had this adventure in my heart. Well, the last thing I wanted was certainty. And at one time I had a job that was all too certain. I was a Japanese translator in Hawaii and it was like, okay, Mark, you need to climb the corporate ladder. You need to wear a suit every day. You need to be professional.

3:01 You need to show up 401k, Roth IRA. I was like, fuck all that, bro. I just want to go surfing and just do as many chicks as I can. That was the mentality I was in. So I needed a ton of uncertainty. Now, this affects your happiness because if you have too much of one or the other, well, of course, you're going to be unsatisfied. Too much certainty, you're bored. Too much uncertainty and you feel insecure and anxious. Now, this may be a problem for a lot of you guys who are anxious because there's always that distant sense of threat, which is what anxiety is.

3:32 It's a distant sense of threat of an uncertain future. What's going to happen to me? I don't feel secure. I don't feel like there's enough of what I know to come in the future. So I feel anxious. So when looking at your life, you need to determine, okay, how much of each do I need? Now, as you get older, the amount of certainty becomes more necessary. Me, for example, as I just explained, when I was a young buck, I was all over the court. I was bouncing around, moving to different places.

4:01 I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to stay in hostels and just party and have a great time, meet girls, have sex with as many girls as I could. You know, I was young. I was young, dumb, and full of calm, as they say. But now that I'm 43 and I'm actually turning 44 next month, February 2nd is my birthday. Can't wait. But now that I'm turning 44, I notice I'm cool with a lot more certainty, and I actually like it. I like having a woman that I live with.

4:25 I like having a kid. I like having this business, clients who, like, are stable and who are going to guarantee me a certain amount of income each month. I like working on my income. I like working on my business. I love this podcast, which I intend to stay with. But, dude, if I was doing this podcast back in my 20s, I would do exactly what John Anthony, my old podcast partner, who some of you might know if you listened to earlier episodes of the UMP, we started this as a partnership.

4:52 But he wanted to travel, wanted to have way more uncertainty than certainty. So that's why he kind of fell out, which was totally cool with me, because personally, I feel it's better with just me. So it all worked out, as things tend to do. But as I get older, I need that certainty, and you may too. Now, if you have too much certainty, once again, you're going to get bored. You're like, fuck, it's the same girl, it's the same job, it's the same fucking thing every day, and I'm sick of it.

5:20 I need more uncertainty. And I know that's probably the case for a lot of you right now as we struggle through COVID. Everybody has to stay home, work from home. It's, like, way too predictable. Even me, I kind of don't have enough uncertainty right now because it's, like, the same thing every day. Do a bunch of coaching calls. Go to the gym. Talk to any girls that I see. Come home. Go to bed. Repeat. Repeat, right? Whereas when COVID is not happening, I can do way more shit.

5:44 Go to the nightclubs. Jiu-jitsu would be back open again. My life is way better. So I'm kind of bored right now, and I'm sure you guys are too. But when you look at your life and you say, okay, let me decipher exactly how much of each do I need. Would I like to have 80% certainty and 20% uncertainty with my job? Would I like to have 60-40? Would I like to be, like, 50-50 where it comes to my living situation? Do I want to move every year and just, like, spin the globe, stick my finger wherever it hits, and then suddenly I'm moving to Afghanistan and I'm like, fuck it, I'm just going to go?

6:19 Hey, maybe that's what you need. So a secret to happiness is to kind of game yourself in the way that you figure out exactly what you need, what makes you psychologically happy. Now, this gets even more interesting when it comes to attracting women, and this is one of the big issues that a lot of guys have. Okay, so a woman, just like you, needs to have a certain amount of certainty versus uncertainty. So you, for example, let's say you're 25, you're starting to kill it, you're starting to get girls, do you really want to get married tomorrow?

6:49 Hell no. You want uncertainty. You want to play the field. You want to experience as many girls as possible, and from abundance, pick your queen, if you're anything like I am. Well, with women, it's the same thing. Depending on their age, depending on where they're at, they need a certain amount of uncertainty versus certainty. So if you give her too much of one or the other, it's going to blow up in your face. So first, let's take the example of certainty, which is actually the biggest mistake that guys make.

7:16 So you meet a girl and you really like her, and so many of you, including myself, have made this mistake where you try to pull her into an outcome that you hope will manifest, mainly of which is being your girlfriend, committing to you, and if you're a true jackass, just like I was, maybe even talking about marriage and moving in together within just a few months. Yes, I made that mistake with my first girlfriend, who, by the way, cheated on me. And that's what happens because, dude, I was giving her way too much certainty.

7:46 She's like, oh my hell, I'm freaking 20 years old in college, and I got this douche canoe who's trying to close me. I'm putting a rock on my finger and settling down into wedding bliss. I don't think that's ever going to happen. But dude, I was so in love, I couldn't even see straight. God, I was sprung. And I'll tell you, once you've been in love, and I'm sure a lot of you guys can relate to this, like your first love, I don't think you can get that deep again in the bucket with another girl.

8:12 So I was really in love with this girl. Her name was Krista. And I haven't been in love in that way with another girl since, but I do love my current girlfriend, Marissa, more because it's a much deeper level. But like that infatuation, drunken kind of feeling where you can't even look straight, and you're just stupid, and you're constantly in screensaver mode, and the smell of her just like is intoxicating to you, I was completely in the ether, bro, just completely lost. So I gave her way too much certainty, and that was my mistake.

8:42 And that actually spurred me onto this 10, 15-year-plus journey of mastering attracting women because I didn't know what I did wrong. Like I thought I was the greatest guy in the world, but look what I did. Gave her way too much certainty. And that's the biggest mistake that guys make because what is that? That's neediness. And as I've discussed ad nauseum in this podcast, neediness, in other words, you wanting more than she wants. And I really want to stress this. I want you to get this deep inside of your head.

9:10 If you want more than she wants, she's going to blow you out. Okay, the guy always has to want less than what the girl wants because, and here's the reason, the person who wants less is the one who's in the power position. Once again, the person who wants less is the one who's in the power position, and you as the man need to be in the power position, don't you? We've talked about this a lot in this podcast that you need to lead, you need to control the frame.

9:36 So you need to want less, even if you have to pretend you want less. So going back to certainty versus uncertainty, if you want more certainty than she does, you want to settle down, make your girlfriend, commit to each other, you know, spend every night together smoking weed and playing video games and eating ding-dongs and dip-dips, she's going to blow you out if she wants less than that. But ideally speaking, you want her to want more certainty than you do. So you have to make yourself want more uncertainty than she wants.

10:07 Now, some girls naturally want more uncertainty than you do. But again, you have to game yourself and pretend in a way that you're cool with that and actually pull back to the level of like 80% of what she wants. I always say that. I say, how do you manage how much attraction, how much attention, how much time you spend with a woman? You dictate it off of what she wants and go 80% of it. Now, for those of us who are naturally independent, including me outside of my first girlfriend, that was its own case, man.

10:37 That was its own psychopath level stalker, Texas ranger. I didn't stalk her, but like, dude, I was deep in the ether. I was decimated on this chick. Okay. Ever since then, I've always been very independent. Girls have never been my number one priority. So, I, as the man, figured out that when I would want more uncertainty than she wanted, I would usually get her really attracted to me. And by the way, this is the way you make girls fall in love with you. Give them about 80% of what they want and that's about the right mixture.

11:10 It's not always that way with all girls, but usually that's about it. Okay. So, you might come across a girl who wants a ton of certainty. She, like what just happened to one of my clients on the dating apps, says to you, what are you looking for? I have two kids. I'm 40 years old. I want to settle down immediately. Like, bring the ring on the first date. Bring the soda cans that we're going to put off the back of our car and bring the spray paint that says just married on the back because we're getting her done.

11:36 And obviously, I told my client, which I've talked about in a past podcast, which was, hey, you know what, I'm looking for a long-term relationship, but relationships that start fast and fast. So, I prefer to take things slow, see if we have chemistry and go from there. If that's a deal breaker for you, just let me know. I totally understand. And she replied exactly as I predicted she would, which was, no, that's cool. I understand. You know, I've just wasted my time with a lot of guys and I want to make sure that the guys I'm dating want the same thing I want, which is exactly her level of certainty, isn't it?

12:09 She wants to be pretty certain, but she can't be unrealistically certain. Like the example I gave the wedding ring and the soda cans off the back of the car. I mean, come on, we need to at least see each other for a couple of dates. So, what he gave her was enough certainty to go on a first few dates and then he can decide from there because ultimately it's his decision, right? Because obviously she wants a lot more certainty than he does. So, he's in the power position, which is exactly what you want.

12:37 Now, if you give her too little certainty, for example, have sex with her, never call her, just use her, definitely never talk about being boyfriend or girlfriend, definitely never talk about the future, give her zero hope and she's looking to eventually get married, she's going to blow you out and now I've made that mistake too. I gave my first girlfriend way too much certainty and as we as stupid men are apt to do, I defaulted to the other extreme where I was just using chicks, giving them no certainty and then they will blow me out too.

13:12 Also, a girl will not have sex with you if she thinks you're just going to fuck her and leave her. Excuse my French, but she wants to know he's probably going to stick around at least for a while if we have sex and I don't feel like he's just going to use me. Now, that rule can be broken. Some girls just want to have fun. They just want to sleep around. It's not like any rule is set in stone, but I'd say for 80% of girls, if she's going to have sex with you, you need to give her some amount of certainty, about 80% of what she wants certainty wise is right to not only keep her attracted, but sleep with her and keep her comfortable enough to stick around and have sex with you.

13:51 So once again, what you want to do is want less than she does. That's about 80%. How do you know that? You just watch her behavior. Watch the things she says. You need to be a detective. You need to be socially intelligent. On the first date, listen to what she talks about. One really good thing that I suggest is to pay attention to what she says about her ex-boyfriends. Now, it's always said, don't talk about your exes. Don't ever do it. But dude, that's like gold that you're finding on the ground.

14:20 That's going to give you all the information you need about how to seduce her. For example, if she says to you, yeah, my last three boyfriends were aloof. They never paid enough attention to me. They were always gone. They were really distant and not really loving. That tells you how to seduce her, doesn't it? She just gave you the key. That uncertainty for her is really, really powerful. Now, I've had this in the past too, where a girl told me my current boyfriend doesn't give me enough attention.

14:48 He isn't there for me enough. I'm going to break up with him. So what did that tell me? Well, homeboy is giving her the wrong mixture. So I asked her, I said, well, what does he do? Like, how often do you guys hang out? Oh, like three times a week. How long do you guys hang out when you hang out? She's like, I don't know, for like five hours. And in my head, I was like, damn, three times a week for five hours a night. That's about where I like to land.

15:09 But this girl was really hot. She was a super fine blonde. So I was like, oh, okay, I understand. And what I did is I gave her just a little bit more of that because I understood via what she told me about her ex-boyfriend that she wanted more than that. She probably wanted to hang out five days, you know, whatever, six hours a night. So I gave her four days, five hours a night, about 80% of what she wanted. She got totally sprung. It worked out really well.

15:34 I was in the power position, giving her the certainty versus uncertainty that she needed. And then I was able to make the decision whether or not I wanted to stay with her. And I blew her out so hard. Her freaking beautiful blonde hair blew off her head when the concussion hit because she had bad breath. So if you really like a girl and you really want to make her sprung on you, make her possibly fall in love with you, it's your duty to decipher exactly how much of each she needs.

16:00 Now, as a general rule, as I mentioned, you need to want less than she does. Again, it's because it puts you in the power position. And the only way a girl will be sexually attracted to you, the only way the thought of you is going to make her wet between her legs is if you're in that power position. And once again, the person who wants less is not only the one who's in the power position, but it's usually the one who gets their way. Think about that.

16:24 The person who wants less is usually the one who gets their way unless you're pussy whipped and you have no control and you just give it all to her because she threatens you with not giving you sex. But most of the time in a relationship, again, the person who wants less is the one who's in control. And if it's the woman, she's going to lose respect for her man. She's going to lose attraction for her man. She's probably going to blow him out. I've seen it time and time and time again where a guy wants way more than what the woman wants, gives her way too much certainty.

16:56 She's not feeling it and she blows him out. And you also have to look at a woman's age. Just like young bucks like you who are in your early 20s, those of you who are listening who are in your early 20s, there's women out there too who are in their early 20s who want tons of uncertainty. They want to go to clubs. They want to party. They want to have adventures. And they're not really willing to settle down with the dude unless he really makes her fall in love with him, in which case she'll go against her uncertainty instincts and have more certainty because she wants to lock him down.

17:28 Now, as a general rule of thumb, and you guys can all relate to this, generally women want more certainty. And that's why generally men usually have the power. And that's why usually men can keep girls attracted. But it's those pussies like me in my 20s that wanted to settle down immediately that would get blown out. And this is why neediness is unattractive. Because neediness, again, it's very simple. Women get attracted to masculine presence. Neediness is feminine, isn't it? It's the opposite of masculine. It's the opposite of leading.

18:00 Non-neediness is masculine. Non-neediness is leading. Uncertainty is what the masculine energy is. And that's what you want to bring into not only your interactions with women, but you also want to balance it in your own life to find what makes you the most happy. Once you get that down, once you get that perfect balance, your hormones are going to get in place. You're going to have a lot more energy. You're going to feel a lot more secure. And I know for me, I was a very anxious individual for a lot of reasons, most of which had to do with my mom and some metaprogramming that was given to me when I was growing up.

18:34 But another reason I was very anxious is because everything was so uncertain. It was too uncertain for me, especially in my 20s. I didn't know where the next paycheck was going to come from. Didn't know what my life was going to be. And that just wasn't cool for my own balance inside myself. So you kind of need to see what you're calibrated to, what your carburetor is set to, and then give yourself that exact balance as best you can to give yourself that happiness. And then when you meet a girl, listen to her words, listen to how she acts, listen to what she says about her ex, and then give her that certainty versus uncertainty that you think she needs.

19:09 Again, 80% of the certainty that she needs. That's the secret. 80% of the certainty that she needs. All right, guys. I think I just broke the land speed record for saying certainty and uncertainty 50,000 times in one podcast. So I promise you, I'm not going to say those two words ever again in this podcast. If I do say them, here's what I want you to do. Sign up for my coaching. We'll get on the call together. Let me know in person during the coaching session. No, I'm just kidding.

19:36 But if you do want to get some coaching with me, you can check me out at coachmarksing.com or you can go directly to my coaching offer, marksingcoaching.com. I also have an Instagram page that's moving slower than pond water. Go ahead and sign up for that if you want to. I'm also giving away a free program, the approach formula, which you can find on coachmarksing.com. It's right there on the landing page. And if you leave me a review on iTunes, a five-star review, preferably with words behind it, please email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com and I will send you some awesome shit.

20:08 All right, that's it for me, guys, on this podcast. I have another one coming up on Monday that's absolutely phenomenal. So please stay tuned to check that out. Have a great weekend and I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.