What Women Are NOT Attracted to

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? It's Mark Sing. Thank you so much for tuning in. In this episode, we're going to talk about what women are not attracted to. Before we get into that, I'm going to blow through these plugs real quick. I just want to let you know that I do have a book called The Approach Formula. It teaches you how to approach a woman, walk away with her phone number.

0:33 You can check that out at gettheapproachformula.com or you can click the link below. I also offer NLP coaching. NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. I basically go into that head of yours and like a mad scientist, I go ahead and rewrite the programs that were written in there that are not conducive to attracting women. You can learn more about that at coachmarksing.com. That's coachmarksing.com, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G.com. Somebody asked me a question if I help guys in other countries. Does attraction work differently depending on what country you're in?

1:09 Absolutely not. Attraction is the same all over the world. It's literally programmed into women's psychology over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. So it's exactly the same in Mexico as it is in America, Great Britain, Australia, Sweden. I have clients from all over the world. I actually one time had a client who was from Kenya living in Australia and we were able to help him out. So no matter what your situation is, absolutely, I can help you out with that. Even if you're in Japan, man, we'll do the coaching calls in Japanese.

1:38 That is if I can remember any of it. All right. So let's jump right into the content what women are not attracted to. First and foremost, women are not attracted to a man who is awkward in a social environment. Women want to see that you are comfortable in your environment. And when you're comfortable, you're basically communicating that you can handle yourself. You have the wherewithal and the social intelligence to deal with whatever situation might present itself. So you're comfortable in that social environment. Guys who are uncomfortable in social environments, especially like bars and nightclubs, very unattractive to women.

2:12 That also goes into not being comfortable in your own skin. Obviously, when you're around women, you want to be comfortable. In fact, the more comfortable you can be when speaking to a woman, particularly a really hot woman, the more she'll get attracted to you. So think, be comfortable. Don't care what happens. I'm cool. When you're not comfortable in your own skin, you're moving very awkwardly. You may be pulling your shirt off your tummy fat or doing weird mannerisms where you're trying to like fix your hair or like trying to hide something about yourself.

2:46 Even if you have some physical trait that's ugly, if you can just accept it and just almost own up to it as if you accept it and approve of it wholeheartedly, then she will too when you're talking to her. Men who speak too softly, if you're talking to a woman in a club and she keeps having to say, what? What'd you say? Then that's really, really bad. One tip to speak with presence is to speak from your chest. Sometimes you'll be speaking with your throat and it won't come out as clearly, but when you speak from your chest and really speak down from your diaphragm and speak to her and let your voice carry, it's really, really attractive.

3:21 I just got off an entire day of coaching calls, back-to-back coaching calls, so my voice is a little scratchy right now, but even still, I'm talking from my diaphragm. It makes it a lot easier on your voice box to talk from that diaphragm. You speak with presence. You're not afraid of being heard. Somebody overhears you, you're completely fine with it. Once again, you're comfortable to be in uncomfortable social situations. The guy who's attractive to women is comfortable in uncomfortable social situations. Men who have submissive body language, I'm going to do a whole podcast on body language, but submissive body language is basically like making an apology for being there, covering yourself up, stuffing yourself into the smallest space possible.

4:04 That's like submissive body language. A man who supplicates puts her on a pedestal. I think this goes without saying, as I said in the previous podcast about what women are attracted to, you don't want to quote-unquote put the pussy on a pedestal. That puts her in the power position. That means she's controlling the frame. Very, very unattractive. And this, by the way, guys, is how most guys could land into the friend zone. A man with a bad sense of style and hygiene. You know, if you're getting your clothes at Walmart, if you're dressing with a, um, with a wolf howling at the moon t-shirt, you might want to reconsider that.

4:38 That's very, very unattractive to women. I will say this though. I recently got a t-shirt and you can find it on Amazon. You can just steal my idea if you want, but I got a t-shirt where it's like this cat, this kitten writing a piece of pizza through outer space. And, uh, when I wore it out the other night, I got tons of good feedback on it. People were laughing and it really made for a great opener. So you can have a bad sense of style as long as it's funny and you're doing it in the right way.

5:08 But you know, if you're legitimately wearing a t-shirt, you know, like with the old wolf howling at the moon, then that may be something you want to reconsider. Um, what I always say is look at the guys who are pulling the girls that you want to be with and dress like them. Neediness is a gigantic turnoff for women. What is neediness? It's basically pulling her into the outcome that you hope will manifest. So you go up to a girl and you try to get something from her.

5:30 You're needing something from her. You're trying to get her to give you something. Nobody likes to be in that situation. Nobody likes to try to be sold. If some bum comes up to you and says, Hey man, give me a dollar. Give me a dollar. Give me a dollar. That's needy. And it's very, very unattractive. All you want to do is get rid of the guy. Well, it happens the same thing with girls. Ultimately the vibe you want to have is you're just having fun. And if you're not going to have fun with her, then you'll have fun with somebody else.

5:59 You don't care what happens. Next up is a guy who complains, has a victim mentality and generally makes excuses. Um, for some reason, having girls pity you doesn't work for attraction. Like your tears aren't going to work as lubricant for sex. For some reason, I don't really understand it, but for some reason, the pity play doesn't work. So please don't do what the lovable loser does on every stupid romantic comedy that they've ever made, where he pours his heart out to the woman and cries and gives her flowers and says that she's his dream girl.

6:27 And she falls in love with him. Complete and utter bullshit. 99% of what movies tell you is incorrect. It's written by guys who don't get girls. Now, does a girl want a guy to do that to her? Yes, but once she's already into him, that's the whole thing. Women love to get flowers on their car. They love to be told they're loved. They love to be wanted by guys who they want. So the first step is to get them attracted to you. Then you can do that kind of stuff.

6:58 Now you don't do it in a needy kind of way. You do it in a way that validates her, that shows her that you choose her and she feels special because of it. But remember her attraction has to come first. When you throw yourself at her and when you do the pity play, that's showing that your attraction comes first. Her attraction doesn't matter. All you care about is yourself. It's a fucking taker mentality. So definitely get rid of that if you tend to do that. That also goes into guys who show too much vulnerability too soon.

7:31 You got to make her work for your vulnerability. Is it okay to be vulnerable with a woman? Yes. Once she's into it. Once she's in love with you. I mean, I tell my girlfriend I need her. That's fucking vulnerable, dude. But trust me, she's deep in the bucket. She's deep in the ether, bro. Like she's not going to reject me because I tell her I need her and I love her and like I'm vulnerable to you. See, I strategically waited. I'm socially savvy like that, that we had a great relationship.

8:01 She's in love with me and she's ready to go to that level with me. Yes, women want that, but they want it at the right time. Women also want to be approached, but they want to be approached in the right way. There's subtleties between the two, but they're very, very important because if you approach a woman in the wrong way, if you show too much vulnerability too soon, if you're needy in a way that turns her off, she's going to turn away from you. So it's all about calibration and doing these things at the right time.

8:29 I have this thing called disclaimer laugh that I came up with. It's what insecure guys do to soften the blow of something they just said. So for example, hey, do you want to go to the movie? It's that little laugh that people put after something they say that they're insecure about. Oftentimes we do it with people who are a higher authority than us. Like imagine if you were asking your boss for a day off, like, hey boss, could I, could I please have a day off?

8:55 You may throw in the little disclaimer laugh to soften the blow. Needless to say, when you do this with women, it's extremely unattractive because it's a low value beta cuck kind of thing to do. So if you tend to do that, drop that immediately. Drop that shit yesterday, bro. Okay. On the other side of all this is being arrogant, being too cocky, overcompensating. Now here's an interesting concept is what's the difference between arrogance and self-esteem. So what I think it is, is arrogance has to prove itself.

9:23 It needs validation from the outside world in order to make it feel like it's important. It also needs to lord its superiority over others. It needs to feel better than other people in order to feel good about itself. Whereas self-esteem doesn't need to do that. Self-esteem knows, hey, I'm a good guy. I'm attractive to women. I don't need to like prove it to everybody. I don't need to lord it over other people. I didn't need to overcompensate in order to prove it. I'm confident in myself.

9:53 That's why when people are really good at something, like some of the best football players, guitarists, whatever, dancers, writers of poetry, whatever hobby or sport you happen to be into, think about the people who are the best in that field, they're usually pretty humble. I mean, for the most part, they're pretty humble. You do get some prima donnas here and there. But when you really know that you can do something well, do you have to brag about it? Do you have to prove it to others?

10:20 Do you even care what people think about you? No. It's like the UFC fighter. When he walks into the bar, he's not wearing a UFC shirt. See guys who wear UFC shirts, these are the guys who just started fighting, just started learning MMA and they have to prove it to everybody. Like, dude, I'm learning MMA, bro. Like I could kick your ass. Look at my UFC shirt. But when you get really good at something, suddenly you stop talking about it. You stop bragging about it. You know, the black belts in my school in Brazilian jujitsu, they're the most humble dudes you'd ever see.

10:51 There's this one guy, he's a black belt in jujitsu. He parks his car next to me and like his car is so unassuming. It's just, it's got Wyoming license plates on it. I live in Colorado. I live in Northern Colorado. So I don't know, maybe he lived in Wyoming for a while and he's got like a little sticker of like a, um, you know, the Wyoming license plate where it's like a horse bucking off a cowboy. He's got that sticker on his car and he just walks in.

11:19 He's like, Hey Mark, how are you doing, man? And he's like, this guy would fucking kill both of us with one arm tied behind his back. And so when you're really competent, you don't need to be arrogant to overcompensate. You know, you can do it. So therefore you're humble. All right. Next up is guys who are obnoxious. Okay. There's a fine line between being the life of the party, which we talked about in being attractive to women and being annoying. Really. It's just comes down to social intelligence.

11:46 It comes down to understanding the social vibe of the environment of what you're in. And when you're obnoxious, it just is annoying to everybody, including women. So don't be obnoxious guys who are always available and make her their number one priority. This goes without saying, we've talked a lot about this on this podcast, but she does not want you to make her her number one priority. She may say that's what she wants. That may be what she writes in her journal and what she tells her friends.

12:16 But when it happens to her, she's like, Ooh, that, that makes me unattracted. Here's an, here's a really important concept, guys. What women say they're attracted to and what they are attracted to are two very different things. So oftentimes when women give advice outside of dating coaches like Marnie, who I highly respect, but oftentimes when women who don't really understand attraction, when they give dating advice, it's wrong because they're thinking logically what they want. That's why chicks think they want guys to pour their hearts out to them and write them love letters and put the flower on their car.

12:50 But when it happens, they're like, Ooh, get away from me. And it's very frustrating for dudes like us who do that kind of shit because we've learned it from movies. We've learned it from what other women tell us. And then it blows up in our faces. Well, the reason it blows up in our faces is like I said, until she's into it, she does not want that from you. Women want to be wanted, but it's from a guy who they themselves want. All right. Women are unattracted to a guy who is not genuine, a bullshitter.

13:18 Also a guy who's trying to be something that he's not. The way to do it is to allow your true personality to flourish. Even if you've had bad experiences with your personality, even if you've been knocked down many times, when you can say yes and accept yourself as if you yourself chose exactly how you are, when you can literally be your own hero, then women will get attracted to that. Now you may be a little bit nerdy. You may have a weird voice. You may be into video games.

13:46 You may be the kind of guy who doesn't get, you know, nines and tens and all the hottest girls attracted to you. But if you can totally own yourself, accept yourself and look in the mirror and say, dude, I'm proud of you. Be unapologetic about who you are. Then certain women will get attracted to you. Do I believe that every single guy is going to be a girl magnate who's pulling tens out of the club? No, but I believe that every guy can attract a woman that's way better, way hotter, way funner to be with than the kinds of women that he's attracting right now, simply because right now he's not accepting himself.

14:25 He's not fully stepping into who he truly is. So look like there's dudes who play Dungeons and Dragons at this place next to my jujitsu place. I don't judge them. That's what they're into. Are they going to get like the smoking hot girl at the club? Who's like a bikini model? Probably not, dude. I mean, maybe they will, you know, if she's into Dungeons and Dragons and if they step into their self-esteem wholeheartedly and if they create a pipeline for themselves where they can meet chicks like that, Hey, anything's possible.

14:53 And I'm a coach and I've seen some shit happen. That's would fucking blow your mind, but let's be realistic. What they want to be is the alpha of their little nerd crew. And they want to get the cute nerd chick. Who's also into the Dungeons and Dragons. Cause I'll tell you a lot of these guys don't do that. You know, there are cute girls who are into, I don't know, anime, cosplay, Dungeons and Dragons, video games, you know, Batman, whatever it may be. Dude, one of the hottest girls I've ever been with had a fucking Batman sticker on her car.

15:27 And I was like, dude, you're a nerd. And she's like, I know, Hey, a nerd could have gotten her if he just worked on himself. And if he was genuine and accepted himself with absolutely nothing held back. So this goes into my next point, trying to be something you're not. Don't try to be the cool guy. Don't try to be the alpha Chad who pulls all the hot bikini models, be yourself, be unapologetic for it. Accept yourself. Say yes to what is, Hey, fuck it. You're into Dungeons and Dragons, bro.

15:59 I respect that in you, man. If that's what makes you happy. If playing call of duty is what gets your juices flowing, then so be it. Own it, own it completely. Wear it like a badge. You don't have to be the cool guy of the cool guys. You could be a cool guy of the nerds and still get all the hot nerd chicks. Believe me, there's a lot of them. I've been with several. All right, shifting gear slightly guys on the prowl. Every time you go to the bar, and I'm sure you've seen this yourself, there's always dudes who look like they're hunting.

16:25 It looks like they're on the Serengeti and they're stalking that weak little antelope that they're going to take down. You definitely don't want to look like you're doing that. In fact, there's two kinds of people in the clubs and the bars. And frankly, there's two kinds of people in the gym, in the coffee shop and everywhere else you go as well. It's the observed and the observing. You do not want to be the observing. Why? Because that's showing that you're trying to get your state from outside yourself.

16:51 You're trying to get your state from other people. But when you're the observed, when you're the actor, when you are the participant in what's going on, it's showing that you are creating the state of the environment and therefore that is attractive. So how do we do this when we're at the bars? How do we do this when we're at the night clubs? We have fun with our friends. We bullshit. We clown around. We have a good time. Once again, we're not obnoxious, but we're having fun.

17:19 The state is created within the group and then girls are going to want to come into that group. So if you're one of these guys that goes out with your friends and you guys line up on the bar and you get your beer and you sit there watching all the chicks dancing and you sit there and watch guys like me get all these chicks, then fucking switch it. Become a guy like me. What do I do? I have fun. I dance. I tease. I fool around.

17:41 I'm playful. I make friends with everybody in the bar and I show girls a good time without trying to get something from them. Without trying to get something from them. I go up and I give them a good time. See guys who are unattractive to women are trying to constantly take their takers. It's like that friend, you know, from your childhood that always just wants to take from you. He's always using you in life. It's ironic because the more you give, the more you get in return, the more you try to take, the more it's taken from you.

18:16 It's a very important central tenant to the law of attraction that we use when it comes to attracting women. Give, give, give, get, get, get. And that comes down to the state that you're in when you're in a nightclub or a bar. One thing I see often in the bars is when certain men talk to certain women, they have this smile on their face. Like the conversations, the best fucking thing that ever happened to them. Like all their Christmases came at one moment. They got this big shit eating grin on their face.

18:47 They're leaning in. They're smiling. Everything she says is wonderful. Everything she says is so funny. They're giving her way too much credit. What does that communicate to her? That communicates, okay, this guy probably doesn't speak to pretty girls very often. This guy probably doesn't have a lot of girls in his life. This guy probably doesn't get a lot of action. This guy is beta. So when it comes to smiling, I said in the 25 traits that women are attracted to is a guy who smiles, but it's calibrated.

19:18 You smile. Sometimes you don't smile. Sometimes based on the interaction, men who violate her personal space too early and touch her in ways that make her uncomfortable. This comes down to social intelligence. Now on the opposite side of coin of this is guys who don't make the move who, when she's attracted, they don't pull her hand. They don't kiss her. They don't lead her. They don't touch the small of her back. They don't flirt with her physically. So while you don't want to be touchy feely too soon, you want to deploy the touchy feeling is when she's ready for it.

19:55 That's why I have the saying lead women to where they want to be led by her comfort level. She is giving you the green light to touch her and you have to read that green light and deploy it at the right time. So while you lead it, it's based on her comfort level. And that should be with sexist as well. You know, at no point during the physical escalation, do I want you guys to have LMR, which is called last minute resistance. How do you avoid LMR?

20:19 Well, there's many different ways to do it. And I suppose I could do a podcast on how to blast through LMR. And I probably will now that I think about it. But one of the most important things is to simply observe her. You got to be a detective when it comes to women. You know, if she's making excuses to lean into you, if she's flipping her hair, laughing at jokes that aren't funny, touching you when she laughs, bro, she wants you to touch her. If she's licking her lips, if she's looking at your lips, if she looks in your eyes and her eyes flip back and forth, if she's leaning in, rubbing her crotch against yours, pushing her weight against you, bro, she wants you to kiss her.

20:58 And if you don't grab your balls and do it at the right time, when she wants it the most, then she's going to lose attraction for you. Escalating too quickly and escalating not quickly enough are two big hits against guys' attractiveness level when they're dealing with women. Men who try to earn her conversation by buying her a drink. I mean, this should be obvious, but every Thursday night when I go out into those bars, what do I see? Guys buying girls drinks. What does that tell her?

21:27 Let's think about this. That tells her, okay, so he thinks he can buy me. He thinks he can buy my time. Okay. A. B. He thinks that he's not enough. Okay. C. He thinks that money is something that I'm interested in. So by the very fact of buying her drinks, you are communicating three extremely unattractive things that will turn women off faster than a light switch. If a woman asks you to buy her a drink, what I'll often do is make her a little bet and I'll say, Hey, if you, if you win this bet, I'll buy the drink.

22:04 If I win the bet, you buy the drink deal deal. And then we do like, um, this little thing where I'll take a dollar bill out and I'll drop it between her fingers and she'll try to grab it. Or I'll take a lemon from the bar and we'll get the seeds out and we'll have a lemon shooting contest and see who can shoot it the farthest. And it's really fun to shoot it like in the back, the back of people's heads who are like their, their back is turned to you.

22:28 See, you make it into a game that she can have fun with. You'll probably win, but if you don't, then it's okay to buy her the drink. Cause you guys had that deal. You had that arrangement and all those preconceived notions of what the drink meant go out the window when you set it up in that way. And by the way, if she buys you the drink, well then cognitive dissonance plays into it. Cognitive dissonance is this. It means that you are going to change your attitude about something or someone based on an action that you made.

23:01 So if I do a favor for you, I am going to like you more because I did the favor. Why? Because I have to convince myself that I liked you a lot because I did this favor for you. This by the way, is why you should try to get women to do favors for you. Because when they do, they have to convince themselves, Oh, I like James a lot. That's why I did this favor. And then they actually like you more because of it. So if a girl tries to make you buy her a drink, do the contest thing and say, look, if you lose, you have to buy me a drink and you better damn win, man.

23:29 Because when you do, it's going to make her even more attracted to you. But if you lose and you buy her the drink, it's still okay. Because all those things that were mistakenly communicated to her by you buying her drink without the competition are now eradicated and you can move forward with getting her attracted to you. All right. Next up is guys who walk around like gorillas in the forest and want to kick everyone's ass. That is to say guys who are angry. Once again, that's a freaking 10 podcast package right there.

23:59 Just talking about anger, how all anger is a cry for help. All anchor comes from ego. All anger comes from hatred and weakness. And when you walk around trying to beat people up, what does that communicate to her as well as to everybody else? It communicates you're failing in life, dude. You want to go kick everyone's ass because you're pissed. Why are you pissed? You're not getting laid. You're not making money. Things aren't going good for you. Why would a girl want to align with a guy who's angry like that?

24:24 And you see this so often, dude, in bars and clubs. In fact, I get a lot of hatred towards me in the bars and nightclubs because I get a lot of girls. What do I do? Do I put anger back towards it? No. Anger dealt with anger just results in more violence and more anger and more negativity. I react with kindness. I react with humility. I react with humor. What happens? I get the girl. And oftentimes that dude's going to go fight some other dude. So that's the way to transmute anger is with love, peace, compassion, happiness, humor, being fucking cool guy.

25:07 The guy who gets the chicks, the guy who's really good at getting women, he's mastered this. He doesn't buy into the emotions of others. Because again, what is emotions? What is anger? It's a feminine energy. Masculine men are not thrown to and fro by the outside circumstances of their life. No, they are in control. They are on what I call the inner balance point. They're not thrown around. They're not affected. They're not getting butthurt and angry and wanting to kick everyone's ass. No, they're generally happy because their state is derived from within because they are strong.

25:44 They're steadfast. They are stalwart. They have bearing. They live their life with equanimity and grace. So things don't affect them. Even if half this podcast stops recording, okay, just fucking film it again, dude. Sack the fuck up. Don't be a little bitch. Don't cry about it and fucking do it. If I were an angry person, I'd tear apart my studio and get all pissed off and go cry in the corner and masturbate in a pool of my own tears. Not going to fucking happen, dude. So if you're an angry dude and you're listening to this, man, you need to stop dropping that immediately.

26:18 Anger is weakness, bro. Anger is being a fucking bitch. Happiness is strength. Equanimity is strength. Humor is strength. So step into your strength. You have it within you. You are a man. You are masculine. You have testosterone within you. Step into that and display that to women by being unemotional. Not angry. Happy. Content. At peace. On that note, a guy who rips on others. Confident guy doesn't need to put others down to make him feel good about himself. I mean, this goes without saying, right? If you're ripping on others, you're angry.

26:54 You want to bring them down to your level. Why don't we flip that and bring people up? Let's talk good about people. Let's try to hook up dudes with girls. Let's be a go-giver. Let's be the guy at the bar who's making people meet, who's introducing each other, who's trying to get your boy laid, and think about yourself last. When you do that, what happens? You get all the girls. It's this amazing reality about the universe that works every single time. Try to help people and you help yourself.

27:24 There's a whole philosophy I have about this, a whole spiritual belief I have about this as to why when you help others, you help yourself, but let's imagine for a second that that guy is you, that he's a reincarnated version of your soul just living a different life. Think about this now. Every single person is you. Every single person is a different reincarnation of you, the one soul, the God that's living life. What if that were true? What would you, how would you behave then? You would treat people like gold.

27:57 You would try to help others and coincidentally, when you do that, more help gets thrown to you. Give, give, give, get, get, get, take, take, take, lose, lose, lose. That is the universal law. Guys who are stubborn and close-minded, I told you in the previous podcast about what women are attracted to, that guys who are good with women have a strong reality, but you also are open-minded, which means if she has a better viewpoint about whatever, you are open-minded to it and willing to change your thoughts about it.

28:30 I recently had a change of thought about superiority. Are there people who are superior to others? Are there people who are inferior to others? Up until three weeks ago, I would have said yes, but my mind has been changed because of some experiences that I had. And I'm really excited to do a podcast about that topic because through it, I realized that insecurity, unconfidence, all these things that a lot of you guys struggle with is an illusion. And I can't wait to explain this new philosophy to you because not only has it changed my life completely, but I really believe it's going to change yours too.

29:05 But being open-minded means being able to take in different thoughts, opinions to let them affect your own. Now, if you let them, that's the operative phrase, let them affect you, then you are still controlling the frame. You are still on your inner balance point. You are still dealing with life with that position of strength and masculinity because you're letting it affect you. But you have the courage to be vulnerable in that moment and let it change your opinion. That's being a fucking man. All right, switching gears a little bit and going into tactical stuff, guys who are too eager to fill in the gaps in conversations.

29:46 Let me ask you, when you're talking to a woman, do you feel like you constantly need to machine gun in content to keep the conversation going? Do you feel that you being silent isn't enough to keep her standing there? When a silence happens, do you say, so, and you try to think of a question real quick? Guys who are good with women aren't afraid of those gaps. Guys who are unattractive to women machine gun in conversation as fast as they can because they think that the content is what's going to get her.

30:15 But what really gets her is your ability to endure social pressure. Let me say that again. One of the most attractive things to women is your ability to endure social pressure. So when there is the gap in conversation, if you can let it sit, and even better, if you can look at her like, hey bro, say something, like kind of raise your eyebrows in a way that says, come on now, talk. That's extremely attractive because that's showing that you're used to being listened to. You're used to being in high pressure social situations.

30:47 I'll often open chicks in the gym. I go to Gold's gym and I'll often talk to girls. Well, today this girl was wearing a Misfits t-shirt and I absolutely love the Misfits and it happened to be the exact same shirt that I have. The same shirt that I haven't seen anybody wear in years. So it's like, dude, if you don't open this chick mark, you're a fucking pussy. Like go, go take down your placard of being a dating coach. Cause like, this is the golden opportunity to approach a girl.

31:10 So I approach her and I'm like, Hey, uh, Hey, real quick, where'd you, where'd you get that shirt? I have that exact same shirt and I haven't freaking seen it anywhere. I've been trying to buy a new one because the sleeves have ripped off. Where'd you get it? And she's like, Oh, I used to work at hot topic and I bought it. And then yeah, it's really old. And I realized in that moment, I'm like, dude, this chick is, is really feeling the social pressure and she's not dealing with it very well.

31:31 Well, what's interesting is at the gym, there's a lot of social pressure there. Everybody's feeling that they're being watched by everyone else. The ironic thing is nobody really gives a shit about anybody, but themselves, but everybody feels the social pressure. So particularly when I open girls at the gym, I always see that they're feeling that social pressure. They're stumbling. They're adding in content into the conversation. They're filling in the gaps. So what I always do is I play the super calm, super composed, the guy who has a super high level of bearing and I let there be spaces in the conversation.

32:12 I lean against the machine. I have really relaxed body language. Kind of talk to her like I'm talking to an 11 year old girl on my soccer team. Hey, it's no big deal. I'm interesting. I'm giving good content, but I'm not like trying to shove it in there. I'm not smiling at her with a shit eating grin. If she says something or I say something that's funny, I'll smile. When I first walk up, I'm kind. Hey, hey, real quick. Nice little smile on my face. But it's not like the best thing that ever happened to me.

32:40 Here's something to realize, guys. Girls are feeling social pressure too. If you can show that you're enduring the social pressure better than she is, you will get her attracted to you. So I talked to her for a few minutes, made her laugh, talked about the Misfit Show in Denver a couple months ago with the original singer. They recently regrouped and they brought the original singer in, Glenn Danzig, to sing. And I was shocked at how bad he was because this guy literally back in the 70s when they first started the Misfits, he had a platinum voice.

33:08 I mean, he sounded like Elvis, literally. Absolutely phenomenal voice. But when he sang during the show, it was like you could hardly recognize the songs. So that's what I was talking to her about. And I could tell as she saw that I had bearing, wasn't trying to get anything out of her, just having a nice conversation, not outcome dependent, doing everything right. I can see the attraction for me changing in real time. So at the end, I was like, hey, what's your name? And she's like, Audrey.

33:37 And I'm like, what's up, Audrey? I'm Mark. Anyway, I see you in here all the time. So I'll catch up with you later. Now at the gym, quick little side note here, I like to do things which is called multiple touches. If I'm going to see a girl once, if I'm at the supermarket, I see a nine, dude, this is it. I'm going to try to get the phone number. But if I know I'm going to see girls multiple times, and you should do this too, it's good to make them laugh, show them you're not needy, make them attracted to you, and then leave it.

34:02 Hey, see you later. Because then you can go back to it the next time you see her, back to it the next time you see her, and do it like four or five times. And by that time, she's like your friend. And asking for her phone number is totally natural. So that's an example of being able to endure social pressure. It's like on this podcast. I know there's thousands of years listening to me right now. But I'm not worried about stumbling upon my words. I'm just talking like it's you and me, dude.

34:27 You right now. You and me, bro. We're just talking. That's the way I picture it. And it allows me to endure the social pressure of being on the radio, having many people listen to me. Oh, I wonder what that guy in Australia is thinking of me. I wonder what that guy in Great Britain is thinking of me. Dude, fuck it. It's just you and me, man. It's you and me, mate. Just you and me down in Australia. I used to work at Oakley Sunglasses. Real quick story.

34:52 I got fired because I would answer the phone in Australian accent. And I'd say, right, thanks for calling Oakley customer service. This is Nitro. How can I help you? And they'd be like, yeah, my glasses broke. I got to send them in. I'm all right. Send them on in, in like a boomerang. They'll be right back to you in three weeks. And they always laughed. Dude, the fucking customers love me, man. We love Australians here in America. But my manager listened to that conversation. She's like, dude, you're so fired.

35:19 I was like, I know it was worth it though. Cause now I get to tell the story to you guys. All right, moving right along. A guy who has a weak sense of reality and who gets thrown to and fro by the outside circumstances of his life. We touched on this a few minutes ago, but it warrants a quick revisit. You don't want to be thrown around by the outside circumstances of your life. Here's an example. If you're in the car with a girl and you're on a date and some guy cuts you off and you get all emotional and butthurt and honk at him and flip them off.

35:51 She's losing attraction for you. Your attraction is slipping out the window second by second, minute by minute. When you act like a little bitch, the best way to do is be like, oh, he's probably having a bad day. No big deal. So anyway, and keep talking to her, that's going to get her massively attracted to you. Cause you're not thrown around by the circumstances of your life. You're in control. You're winning. So hardcore. You have so many wins in the wind bucket that one dude getting angry at you is like laughable to you.

36:18 It's like, whatever, dude, like best of luck to you, man, whatever I'm going on with my life. Very, very attractive to women. And interestingly, women won't be able to rationally explain what they're attracted to, but they're like little fucking mechanisms that get attracted to all these traits and get unattracted to the, to these other traits as well. Just by way of evolution, just by way of default, just by the way of their programming, women are so fascinating because they can detect this shit immediately. They couldn't explain to you why.

36:52 Oh, I'm attracted to him because he wasn't thrown, thrown around by the outside circumstances of life, which shows a strong frame. And it shows a sense of masculinity to, they would never be able to say that, but they are attracted to it on an unconscious level. And that to me is so fascinating. That's why I absolutely love this niche. All right. A guy who tries to pull the girl into the outcome that he hopes will materialize. This goes without saying, don't want to try to pull girls into what you hope will happen.

37:18 You let it go and it will come. I often liken it to trying to possess the wind. When the wind is running across your hand and your hand is open, you possess it completely. But when you try to grab it, it goes around your hand and you lose it. It works very much the same way with women. Men who ask women what they want, they just want you to know. How do you know? Well, you're a detective. You watch her. You pay attention. You listen. See, Christmas is coming up, boys.

37:43 And what am I doing? I got the fucking radars on, man. I'm listening. I'm checking her texts. I'm listening real closely. She's going to drop a little dime on the ground and I'm going to pick that up, exchange it and turn it into a million dollar bill. Because when I pay attention to my girl and I know what she wants without her actually having to tell me, 10 million points. It's the same with women, guys. You know, when you're on a first date, you should know what she's going to enjoy and then just take her there.

38:18 Just assume it. And when you know, when you've paid attention, when you've picked up on the clues, you can assume it. And it's not assuming anymore. It's a goddamn pretty concrete conclusion. And she's like, oh, he knew that I love frozen yogurt. God, we just connect. You know, and she's going to make it up into her romantic mind. Who cares how it happened? You're getting laid. Congratulations, man. All right. Men who are socially unintelligent goes without saying. A man who expects a woman to validate him and give him compliments and positive feedback so that he can feel good about himself.

38:53 Look, bro, if you do this, I'm with you. I did it too. With my first girlfriend, who by the way, cheated on me. I used her to make me feel good about myself. Such a low value beta cuck thing to do. I'm embarrassed to say it. But hey, if that didn't happen, I wouldn't have grown into the man I am today. So in that way, it was a gift. But I would ask her, do you think I have a good body? Am I the best you've ever had in bed?

39:18 Oh my God. Just thinking about the shit that I asked this girl just is fucking embarrassing. But look, hey, sometimes we have to go through that stuff in order to improve. I went through it. I've gotten better. So it's all good. But if you do that, if you feel the need to get validated by a girl, then triple down on self-validation. Just tell yourself over and over again, dude, I have a good body. I have a good body. I look good. I'm working hard. I'm trying my best in the gym.

39:44 That's good enough. And don't say it. No matter how bad it wants to roll off your tongue when you're on that date, no matter how bad you want to say, are you having a good time? Don't say it. Don't say it. Just be confident. She's having a good time because she's with you. That's all it takes. All right. A man who is not composed and easily thrown off his interstate of centeredness. We talked about that. Also men who have self-deprecating belief systems and low self-esteem. I'm going to do a podcast all about belief systems.

40:17 But a quick tip for you in this podcast is if you're speaking negatively to yourself in any way whatsoever, you need to drop that shit immediately. One good tip as an NLP coach is to first listen to yourself saying the thing. Okay. You might say, Oh, I'm such an idiot. And then hold on. Stop. Listen to it. Reverberate through your head. I'm such an idiot. And then say, no, no, no, no, no. Erase that. Literally say those words, erase that and picture it being erased in your mind and then replace it with the positive thought.

40:48 And your positive thought should start with the statement. I am. So you say, Oh, such an idiot. No, no, no, no. Erase that. Then you imagine yourself erasing it. You say, I'm a champion. I'm a champion. I'm a champion. Say it to yourself three times. So not only do you write over that previously erased space in your mind, but you do it three times with a black felt tip marker. I'm a champion. I am a champion. I am a champion. Those positive thoughts need to be such an everyday part of your life that you're constantly saying them to yourself over and over again.

41:29 I'm a champion. I am confident. I have good body language. I am a girl magnet. I'm a man whose respect must be earned. I control the frame. I have a strong reality. I accept myself for who I am. I am proud of myself. I love myself. These are the kinds of statements I want you guys to hit hard because when you have those negative statements in your head, women will unconsciously be able to pick up on it. I swear to God, they can see it when you're like, Oh God, my tummy is getting fat.

41:54 The girl knows she knows you just said that. So don't even say it. It's reflected in your body language. It's reflected in your mannerisms. It's reflected in that little unconscious movement you do where you pull the shirt off your fat. When you adjust your shoulders to get the shirt sitting right on your body, watch people. Everybody does this kind of stuff. You want to be radically comfortable in your own skin, radically self-accepting. Just say, I accept myself. I love myself. Even as you are now, none of us are perfect.

42:32 None of us are done. We are all a work in progress. But even as you are now, you are the perfect state to be in today. Right now, as you listen to this, you are perfect. Are you going to get better tomorrow? Yes. Are you going to be better a year from now? Yes. And frankly, if you're not better tomorrow than you are today, then there's a problem. So as long as you're working hard, trying to get better, trying to improve yourself, then you can be your own hero, which is one of my big slogans.

43:01 What does that mean? That means every day you give your best so that when you look in the mirror, you say, did I try my best? Yes, I did. And you fucking pat yourself on the back. You say, dude, you are my hero. You are my hero. When you can think that way gets reflecting your body language, your mannerisms, your tone, boom, girls get attracted to you. All right, guys, that's it for this episode. I do appreciate you listening. If you found any value in this episode whatsoever, I would appreciate five stars.

43:28 If on the other hand, you think it deserves a four or a three star, just go ahead and skip it. Don't worry about it. I'm trying to get only five stars. So those four stars and three stars hurt more than you could ever imagine. Please validate me. All right. Furthermore, guys, I do offer one-on-one coaching. So if you want to get me in your corner working specifically on you with my full effort, with my full attention, with everything I have completely focused on you, all the tools in my toolbox, which I will tell you are many, then hit me up coachmarksing.com, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G.com.

44:02 Want to thank you guys for listening. I will see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.