NoFap: Should You Masturbate or Nah?

0:00 Why does your penis have a mushroom-shaped head on the top? Think about it. Think about it. There's a scientific reason to keep your hand from slipping off. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Welcome to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you tuning in. And today, we are going to talk about choking the chicken, polishing the dolphin, and flogging the bishop.

0:40 We are going to talk about masturbation, whether or not you should do it, what the health benefits are of NoFap. I don't know if you've ever heard of NoFap, but it's this movement started in about 2011 on Reddit where guys decided not to masturbate anymore, and they claim a bunch of benefits with it. And then, we're going to talk about also the benefits of masturbating, and whether or not I do it, and whether or not I suggest it for you, my clients. So, to begin with, let's talk a little bit about masturbation and some of the issues with it, okay?

1:10 So, naturally, if you're doing anything more than what is healthy, then there's probably a problem there. Now, you might ask yourself, well, what is a healthy amount of masturbation? And, of course, this is a difficult question because it ranges from person to person. But I would think probably if you're doing it more than maybe once a day, there may be an issue there. Now, there's this thing I have in my coaching where I put discipline and self-restraint as a number one priority for both myself and my clients.

1:41 Why is that? It's because I believe that in today's society, there's so many ways to be undisciplined. And there's so many ways to indulge in dopamine hits and sugar and all these things that make us feel good that it actually results in really negative outcomes. So, we can liken our lives to a dark room, and there's light coming into the room that comes from certain things like self-restraint, working out, having a good diet, self-improvement, exercise, having a healthy relationship with a woman. And there's light that comes into that room that's like natural light.

2:17 So, we have a dark room, and on top of that room is, let's say, like a skylight. Well, in my opinion, this is just an analogy that I came up with. In order to bring as much light into that room as possible, you have to do things that are based on self-discipline. So, once again, proper diet, exercise, getting enough sleep, meditating, doing those things that are kind of hard that result in lots of light coming into your life, and then that results in happiness. Well, there's also the potential for false light.

2:46 And it's kind of like cheating kind of light. It's, let's say, a flashlight on the floor that you turn on, and it's kind of like a yellowish kind of crappy light that, yeah, it lights up your room, and it kind of, quote-unquote, makes your life better in the short term. But in the long run, it's not fulfilling, and it doesn't feel right. It's kind of like you're not getting the proper vitamin D. You're getting some bullshit light. And these are things like drinking alcohol, doing drugs, having sex with a woman, like one night stand, being a player where you're lying to women, eating shitty food, lots of sugars, lots of crappy food.

3:20 It, like, makes you feel good in the short term, but then the end result is more unhappiness, okay? And masturbation, in my opinion, can turn into the false light if it's done too much. So the whole premise of no fap, which is basically not masturbating, is withholding yourself from masturbating so that you get certain benefits. Those benefits I'll talk about in a second, the claim benefits. So their whole theory is you don't do it, you get a better mood, you get more testosterone, you get more energy, you have a better relationship with the opposite sex.

3:53 And a lot of these aren't scientifically proven, but this is what they say. Well, in a way, I kind of agree with that because if you're masturbating too much, more than, let's say, once a day, even once a day, I think is a lot. But let's say you're doing it, like, two, three times a day, you're indulging in it, and specifically watching porn. Porn is a big-time cheat, it's a big-time false light that dumps tons of dopamine into your brain. And when you masturbate, and most guys watch porn while they masturbate, you're cheating.

4:21 You're dumping this dopamine into your head unnaturally and too much. But here's the thing, too, is that you have to have balance in your life. I'm all about balance, you guys know that. So if you go too far with things, in my opinion, that's unhealthy. I don't want to put, like, a numerical value on how much you should masturbate, but in my opinion, let's just say, this is just my opinion, maybe more than five times a week is probably a bad thing. Now, each guy's different.

4:49 I know some guys that choke the chicken freaking all the time, other guys that hardly do it at all, like myself. But I would think, like, more than five times a week because what happens is, again, you're artificially raising your light. It's like eating that cotton candy at the carnival. It tastes good in the moment, but it just leaves you depleted. It's just a quick sugar high. And then you become numb to sugar in the future. So if you're masturbating all the time to porn, you're really, like, numbing and doling out your dopamine receptors.

5:19 You're doling out the light that's coming in from discipline. And it's really a cheat. And that's why they call it cheating is because it's like when you cheat on your girlfriend, you cheat on your wife. It's a quick way to artificially increase the light in your life. But it only lasts a little while and then it goes away quickly and it leaves you worse than what you were beforehand. And that's how drugs work, right? Is you take the drug and you momentarily feel better in the moment, but then it brings you down and it makes you feel worse.

5:47 But this society gives us the opportunity to artificially raise our light in many different ways with our diet, with just Instagram, watching TV, watching movies, playing video games is another cheat, by the way, unless you do it in a disciplined way. And there's so many ways to do it and masturbation often falls into that area. So some people really need extreme solutions. And that's where, in my opinion, nofap comes in is these guys have decided, look, like this masturbation has gone out of hand. You know, my dick hurts.

6:20 I'm masturbating so much. I really need to stop it. So they go extreme and they completely stop it. Now, once again, some of the claim benefits are increased happiness, boost confidence, increased motivation and willpower, which I agree with, lower levels of stress and anxiety, which I don't agree with, heightened spirituality, self-acceptance, improved attitude, and appreciation towards women. They also claim it gives you higher energy levels, muscle growth, better sleep, improved focus and concentration, etc. Okay. A lot of those are unsubstantiated. Couple that I do agree with is if you're masturbating all the time, you're dumping your testosterone.

6:57 So you are going to have more problems like growing muscle. You're going to have more problems with your masculinity. If you masturbate all the time, in my opinion, you're going to have less attractiveness to women. Okay. Another thing is, is that motivation and willpower. If you can't control yourself, there's a big time issue there. You should be able to look at something and say no. Like, for example, with your diet. Okay. I fucking love sugar. I love cookies. I, oh my God, Oreo cookies. Are you kidding me?

7:26 It's like fricking ecstasy in my mouth. I love ice cream. I love cake and everything like that. But I hold myself back from it most of the time. And here's where balance comes in. I let myself have that stuff only once in a while. So one day a week, I have a cheat meal and my cheat meal is Burger King. I know. I know. It sounds crazy. I just fucking love the double Whopper with cheese, man. I don't know. There's something about it I love. And I love their French fries and a Diet Coke.

7:54 So throughout the whole week, seven days a week, or I should say six days a week, my fucking diet is pinned. Very paleo. I eat a very clean diet. You know, meat, vegetables, nuts, some fruit. And then that one day, and I look forward to it. And I actually walk into Burger King and I'm like, dude, this is my cheat meal day. Could I please get some fresh French fries right out of the fryer? And they're always like, yeah, man. They actually call me cheat meal over at the Burger King that I go to because they know me.

8:21 I go in there on like Fridays or Saturday, get my one cheat meal for the week. And it's like ecstasy. And it feels so good to eat that. I've had willpower the whole week. I show discipline the whole week and it's my reward. Well, here's what I think about masturbation is masturbation should be treated the same way. Because look, I have a girlfriend, I have a hot girlfriend, and the sex is really good. So I don't necessarily need to masturbate. But in my opinion, masturbation is different than sex.

8:46 And I'm sure you guys can agree with it. It's like a different thing. It's like the difference between snowboarding and surfing. They're kind of similar, but they're kind of different. So what I do is I use it as a reward. And what I do is I'll set goals for myself about like approaching a certain number of girls. Okay, Mark, if you approach 20 girls tonight and you get into some really good conversations, show some courage, show some discipline, then you can go home and freaking polish the dolphin and really enjoy it.

9:14 And what I would do, and this is kind of personal, but I'm okay to share it with you guys because you're my boys, is I would go out at night. And this is before I have Marissa now. I will go out at night. And if I didn't hook up with a girl that night, which is very, very uncommon for me, I would not hook up with girls easily. So most of the time I would just go out and get phone numbers and then I'd go home.

9:34 What would I do is I would reward myself by letting myself bait to a girl who'd look like the hottest girl that I talked to that night. That's the way I would use masturbation is I use it as a tool. I'm not controlled by it, but in fact, I control it. I use it as a motivational tool for myself, just as I use Burger King, just as I use cake, just as I use any of the things that artificially raise your light. So I think everything needs to be in balance.

10:02 We have an abundant society to which there's many great things that we can enjoy. But if you indulge in it too much, then it becomes a problem. But at the same time, if you quit it, in my opinion, it's still a problem because that's showing that it has so much power over you. You can't even allow yourself to do it. See, for me, it's like I have power over Burger King because I can just go eat it once a week and yeah, I'll desire it. Like today, I'm fucking on my diet.

10:27 I'm like really, really committed to it. Do I want to eat Burger King? I mean, yeah, I always do. I love that shit, but I control myself. So Burger King doesn't have a power over me because I don't just succumb to it. And it's the same thing with masturbation. I know a lot of you guys are addicted to masturbation. You just do it almost compulsively. You're addicted to porn. So in that case, maybe no fat for a while would be good for you. But I think the healthy level is you masturbate.

10:54 Like for me, I masturbate maybe twice a month. Now, bear in mind, I'm having sex with a hot girl anytime I want. That plays a role into it. But in my opinion, it should be used as a point of leverage to better your life, to reward yourself. And then you go at it and you don't feel guilty about it. There's no problem with it. Like in fact, some of the benefits of masturbation are improved mood, better sleep, stress and tension relief, relief from menstrual cramps for women.

11:27 If they want to go ahead and do some knuckle dunking, that's going to really help their menstrual cramps and lower risk of prostate cancer. So personally, I think masturbation is healthy. I think that it's natural because fuck, all of us do it. So obviously it's natural. So I don't really like the idea of stopping something that's natural. You know what I mean? It's like if everybody's doing it, literally everybody, especially every single guy, there must be something healthy about it. The problem again is when it becomes compulsive, when you get addicted to it.

11:57 So no fap or fap, I believe right there in the middle. I believe you control it, you no fap and you save up and you really want to do it. And then when you do it, you act as a reward. You indulge in it. You really enjoy it. And then you don't do it again for like another couple of weeks and you use it as a leverage point. That way your testosterone will go up because you're not dumping cum all the time. You'll still get the tension relief from masturbating.

12:23 You'll be super motivated to achieve the goal, which you've set out for yourself while putting masturbation as a reward. And I think talking to a certain number of girls is a good way to leverage that. And then when you like really find a girl you want, try to find a porn that looks just like her, indulge in her and then move on and don't do it again. Like the next day you may be like, man, that was amazing. I want to do that again. Nope. I'm going to hold myself back and I'm going to use this as a motivation to reward myself moving forward.

12:54 So that's personally how I use masturbation in my own life. And I personally feel that's a really healthy way to do it. I don't like these extremes, right? I was extreme with my diet is I didn't let myself have a cheat meal. And there were actually a lot of negative things that came from that. When I started adding in the cheat meal, cheat meals actually boost your metabolism. And actually, after I eat the Burger King, my body feels like really hot and I could feel like my metabolism kicking in.

13:21 So it's actually good sometimes to artificially raise your light just a little bit and then stop it. So I think, hey, if you want to smoke a cigarette or drink a drink every once in a while, I mean, look, I don't smoke, I don't drink, but I think like if you can do it in moderation, use it as a reward and then cleanse yourself out. And for the most part, like 90% of your life should be disciplined, should be clean, should be healthy. And then 10% of your life, you indulge.

13:51 It was my daughter's birthday the other day, man. I freaking ate so much cake because it's a celebration and I earned it. I knew the birthday was coming. So I was like, look, I'm going to hold myself back. I'm really going to eat well. I'm actually going to skip Burger King this week because I know that damn cake is coming. And boy, when that cake comes, I'm going to really enjoy it, eat the whole thing. And not only did I enjoy it without guilt, but I didn't feel like shit because I didn't have all that sugar backed up of my system previously.

14:17 My system was clean so we could process the sugar out very quickly. And then after I ate it, I had another two weeks of very clean diet and I can feel good about that. So once again, it's all about balance, boys. You know, go ahead and choke the chicken. But if you're doing it in a compulsive way, well, hey, maybe you need some NLP coaching and that's what I do. And by the way, compulsive masturbation is often a sign of a psychological issue to which we can work on it.

14:43 If you hire me as a coach, you can check that out at coachmarksing.com. Once again, that's coachmarksing.com. But you know, in life, I'm 43 years old. I've really found that balance is key. You have to enjoy the finer things in life. You have to enjoy those wonderful things that society has created. Even Oreo cookies. You know, you got to enjoy those sometimes. But to a discipline level, to a level where most of the time, 90% of the time you're disciplined. So if you're masturbating in a way that you show discipline and you could even save it up and you like, I get to the point where it's like almost all I'm thinking about, like, man, you know, I just, I really need to fucking come because the shit's backing up super bad.

15:27 And then when you do come, it's like really good. It's not just kind of good because you do it all the time. You haven't fried out your dopamine receptors because you're watching porn all the damn time. Like when I pull up a porn once every two months, it's like, whoa, man, this is amazing. Like it's really hitting me hard. And then, you know, you, you jerk it off and it feels really fucking good. And you come and it's like a goddamn explosion everywhere. And it's like very satisfying.

15:54 And then you fucking drop it and you don't do it again for two weeks and you control yourself. That's what I believe a superior man is, is he's disciplined. But at the same time, he sees the benefits of sometimes artificially raising your light, knowing that it's artificial, knowing it's a smoke and mirrors. It's just a temporary thing that you're going to indulge in. Kind of like you indulge in a movie and then you leave the movie behind and you go on with your life. That's the way I think masturbation should be.

16:24 So that's my opinion on it, boys. Certainly, it's only my opinion. Who knows if it's right or not? The question you have to ask is, is this right for me? Right? You just have to ask if it's right for you. It's right for me. It's the way I've leveraged it. So I hope that's helped you out a little bit. All right, guys, that's it for me in this podcast. I do appreciate you listening and I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.