Radically Increase Your Depth as a Man With the Secret of "D.o.T."

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me. And today, we are going to talk about how to leap forward in your journey to alpha male with what I call duality of thoughts, being able to hold two opposing thoughts in your head about something at the same time, not only about your opinion on things, not only adding to your frame control with women, but also being what Ed Milet calls blissfully dissatisfied, a way to both appreciate your life.

0:50 And I've done a podcast on appreciation, as well as be unsatisfied with what you have and be pursuing more so that you can enjoy the journey, but also push forward for a better destination, or I should say, a better journey along to your final destination, which ultimately is death. So this is a bit of a philosophical one, but I believe, and I've found that when I have duality of thought, when I can put two things in my mind that are opposing about the same topic, then it increases my depth as a man.

1:20 And not only am I able to think about things on a deeper level, but I also become more attractive to women, I become a better communicator, and frankly, I become a whole hell of a lot more peaceful, because as I talked about in the non-J podcast that I recently recorded, you don't make conclusions so haphazardly when something happens. So all this seems a little bit rabbit hole-ish, and yes, indeed, we're going to go down this rabbit hole on this Monday, but I promise to explain it to y'all the best I can, and hopefully, it will have the same effect on you as it did to me.

1:53 Before I jump into the content, I want to thank you guys yet again for the awesome reviews. They just keep coming, man, and I keep crying on the corner of my bed in the cannonball position. If you leave me a review, email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com, and I'll send you a bunch of cool shit. Also want to let you guys know that while my coaching is all filled up for December, I do have some spots open in January. Just make sure that you come from the Uniform Mike Papa, also known as the Unapologetic Man podcast.

2:21 Make sure you let me know that you came from there, and I'll get you on my VIP scheduler, whereas everybody else has to wait the requisite 10 weeks. So spots are filling up. I'm halfway through January, but if you're interested in kicking off 2021 and getting this part of your life settled once and for all, this part of your life, meaning with women, with money, with being an alpha male, with being the best man you can be by reprogramming the programming inside your head, then look me up at marksingcoaching.com, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G, coaching.com.

2:53 It explains it all on that page. And of course, there's tons and tons of testimonials that keep coming in. I actually have a bunch I need to add on top of that. Can you have too many testimonials? I kind of wonder. I think you can't. So I think eventually there's going to be 50,000 testimonials, and your finger is going to fall off by the time you scroll down to the bottom of them all. But you know what? The more social proof, the better. And if people are telling me how much success they're getting with my coaching, I want you guys to hear about it.

3:20 So I'm going to keep adding them and keep making that sales page longer and longer with all the love that my past clients are showing. All right. One final announcement, guys, is I am going to take a week off from the 25th, I think, which is, yeah, Friday the 25th, which is Christmas, until January 1st, Friday. And then January 1st, I'm going to launch my next podcast. So I'm doing today's on Monday. There's going to be one more on Wednesday, and then I'm taking a week off.

3:48 Need to let those golden pipes heal a little bit, bro. I've been going hard in the paint for something like two years straight. Haven't taken one week off. So I'm going to go ahead and do that, spend some time with my familia, and I'm going to spend some time resting my throat, getting up into the woods, enjoying it, because you have to have balance. You have to work hard, but at the same time, know when it's time to regenerate, recuperate, go into the stillness, so that better stuff can come out of that.

4:14 And I'm going to hit it hard starting on January 1st, 2021, and keep kicking three episodes a week, as I have been, until the end of time. So with those announcements out of the way, let's go ahead and talk about this thing, duality of thought. So I want to start this with a little story and a quick tip for you guys that ever have to give a speech. Definitely, if you ever give a speech, make sure you start it with a story. I have done tons of weddings, which is a completely different podcast.

4:42 I've announced tons and tons of weddings, and I always start the weddings off with the story about the bride and the groom, and that gives everybody that little ah moment. They all tilt their heads like parents at a graduation, nice and proud, nice and loving, and then you kick off the wedding like a freaking champion. Weddings always go awesome that way, and if you ever have to give a best man speech or something like that, keep that in mind. Always start a speech with a story.

5:06 So here's a little story I want to tell you guys. So today, I was doing my once a week cheat meal at Burger King. For you international folks, Burger King is a grease-filled, disgusting fast food place that is responsible for 43.6% of the badonkadonk butts here in the United States. But I absolutely love it. I love their double Whopper with cheese and large fries. Just, I love it, man. It's disgusting, but it's so disgustingly good. So I'm pulling into the parking lot, and I see this homeless woman begging for money, and she kind of looked like one of those ladies from Kazakhstan.

5:39 You guys ever see Borat? Remember the characters on there? Well, she kind of looked like that. She had, like, this headscarf thing on, this mod-looking dress, and she looked pretty poor. So I give her seven bucks, and then I back my car in to this kind of secret spot that I have, and I walk into Burger King, let them know. They actually call me cheat meal when I walk in. Hey, cheat meal's here. I'm like, what's up, guys? Today's my cheat meal. Please give me some fresh fries.

6:02 So I wait, you know, a few extra minutes to get the fries right out of the fryer, and then I go and sit in my car and listen to audiobooks and podcasts and eat that disgusting poison and just process it like a fucking Spartan because I've been on point the entire rest of the week. So while I'm sitting there eating, I'm seeing this woman, and she's getting lots of money from people. There's probably somebody stopping every couple minutes. I mean, at one point, there was, like, three cars in a row, like, lined up to give her money, and she's basically crushing it.

6:31 I was like, damn, chick, that's a great corner to stand on, man. Take note if I ever lose my job as a dating coach and I got to go beg for money. So she's crushing it. Some guy comes over and gives her, like, three bags of groceries and, like, this gigantic water, and I was like, nice, dude. That's cool. You know, I feel good about this. She's going to have some money for her and her family for the holidays, and, you know, who knows what her situation is.

6:53 So I'm kind of watching her, and things slow down a little bit, and then I see her kind of look around, and then she walks over to the parking lot. What do you think she's going to do? I bet a lot of you can guess. She walks up to a brand new 2020 Honda, and there's a dude sitting inside of it. She goes to the window, hands him all the money, and then he opens the trunk, and she puts all the groceries in the trunk. I see them kind of laughing and talking.

7:18 She looks around again and then goes back to her spot. Now, from a third-party observer, what did this look like? It looked like that she's scamming the system. She's taking advantage of people's benevolence, like me. I gave her seven bucks. And what it looks like is her and her family is doing just fine. I mean, if she's really struggling, would they have a freaking brand new 2020 Honda Accord on some 17s, like, awesome rims, brand new tires, freaking polished and waxed. Like, it looked really nice. Okay, so I see the dude, and I'm kind of looking at him, and he's sitting in his car.

7:48 Now, this goes kind of into the point of this podcast, duality of thought. Okay, so when I'm looking at this, it's easy to make an assumption, and I think a lot of us would make the assumption that they're taking advantage of people. They're actually middle-class people, or even better than that, and they're just cranking it, making tons of money begging, because she looks like a dilapidated lady from Kazakhstan who can't even spell her own last name. But how do I know that's the case? Like, how do I know that's not her brother who's doing quite well, and he's just out there helping her because she doesn't have a car?

8:19 So I'm kind of sitting there thinking about it, but to me, it was like I was like 75% sure. Now, I'm going to tell you what I did. Is what I did correct? I don't know, and that goes into the point of this podcast. I don't know if what I did was right. I don't know if what I did was wrong. I don't know if I was justified. I don't know if I hurt these people, or maybe I completely changed their lives with my actions. But this is what I did, and I make no apologies for it.

8:44 So I pull out of my car, and I pass her, and she waves at me. She remembered me. I waved back at her. Hey, all good. Take your seven bucks, and hey, maybe it'll save your life, or maybe you're going to go put it towards the new diamond ring you're going to buy. I don't know. But I wanted to confront this dude, not directly, but kind of indirectly. So here's what I did. It's kind of funny. So I put on my gas station glasses, as I call them.

9:06 They're those, like, Vato sunglasses that you get at a gas station. They're called Lokes or Locos or something, but they kind of look like the sunglasses that the Vatos will wear, right? So I put those on, got my shaved head. I'm in my black-on-black lifted Toyota 4Runner. And I pull up. Now, the way he's facing is I can pull up perpendicular to his car so that when my windows roll down, I can look out and look directly at him. Like, we're, like, literally 10 feet away. So I pull up in front of his car.

9:36 I stop. I roll down my window, and I just turn at him, and I just sit there staring at him, just grimacing at him. Dude, I'm telling you, for, like, 30 seconds, right? I'm just looking at him, and he kind of looks at me, and then, like, he looks down in his lap. And, like, he starts eating something, and he's kind of looking down his lap, and then he glances up and looks back down again because I'm just sitting there staring at him. So I do that for, like, 30 seconds, make him know, hey, I don't know what your deal is, but, bro, this is what it looks like.

10:01 So I'm just letting you know that people are seeing it. So if you're being fucked up and taking advantage of the good nature of others, quit that shit. But, you know what? If you are really in a bad situation, I fucked up. That's why I didn't go up to his car, knock on the window, and be like, dude, what the fuck? What are you doing? Because I don't know who he is. But I wanted to let him know that I saw. Again, is what I did right?

10:22 I honestly don't know. But I'm not apologizing for doing it because it is what it is. So, dude, I'm there for 30 seconds, and then I just hit the gas. And I speed off, right? And he must have been like, dude, what the hell was that? Are the cops after us? What's going on? So, again, whether or not I was right or wrong remains to be seen. But that goes into the point of this podcast, and that's duality of thought. So is what I did the right thing to do?

10:46 Well, some of you would say, yeah, man, that was awesome. Good job, Mark. And others would say, dude, you're a fucking asshole. How do you know the situation? Okay? And honestly, after I did it, and I've admitted this to you guys many times, I kind of tend to react before I really think. It's something I need to work on, and it's something that I admit to you outright. Okay? So I think probably the best situation, like I'm talking the Eckhart Tolle Buddha Jesus Christ situation, would have been to, quote unquote, turn the other cheek, drive off, feel good that I reached out and helped another person.

11:16 Whether or not it was they were manipulating me, that isn't really what's important. The fact is, is that I helped somebody else, and for that, I should feel good and leave it at that. But you know, sometimes I got a little bit of stick up my ass, and I want to confront people. It's just how I am. I kind of think when you're high in your testosterone, you're not afraid to do that. And I'm going to be honest with you, to me, it was kind of more entertainment for myself than it was to make like some overwhelming big point to this person.

11:40 But dude, 75% sure, it looked like they were manipulating the system. I mean, it just did. So I did what I did. But the thing is, is that there is no truth, really. There is no proving that I was completely right, and there's no proving I was completely wrong because, again, we don't have the total picture. And I talked about this in my last podcast, non-judgment. Non-judgment of a situation as either good or bad because you don't have the total picture. Well, this goes into duality of thought.

12:11 Being able to hold two contradictory thoughts about something, about a single subject, in your head at the same time, without getting married to a single idea. And I'll explain more as to why in a moment. But ultimately, people who are married to a single idea, let's say far-right Republicans or even far-left Democrats, you're stuck. You're ensconced. You're kind of being ignorant when you hold on to an idea and you don't let in other ideas. So I think as an alpha male, as we get more wise, as we get more mature, we're able to entertain different ideas and we're able to see both sides of a perspective.

12:50 So let's go back to homeless people. So homeless people, some of us will say, dude, they're fucking bums. I have a friend who I used to hang out with. I have since cut him out of my life, but I used to hang out with him and I would give homeless people money in front of him. He'd be like, dude, what are you doing? They're just going to go buy liquor. They're just losers, man. And he'd yell at these people, go get a job. And I'd say to him, bro, how do you know this guy wasn't freaking molested as a kid?

13:12 How do you know he wasn't beat up? How do you know he didn't come from a broken home? How do you know he's not slightly retarded or he has some mental issue? Right? You don't know that. But at the same time, he's kind of right because there are some people who just milk the system. People who just live on welfare, people who are lazy, people who don't want to do shit. I actually met a guy like this a couple of weeks ago. Go over to his house.

13:33 The dude works for the post office. All he does is work for the post office. He makes like 45,000 a year, comes home, smokes weed, plays video games. He's overweight. He doesn't get any chicks. But can I really say that he's wrong for that? Can I really judge him for that and say that I'm better than he is? Or maybe he found some kind of key for him. So that's the duality of thought, which is how do I know which is true when I come to a conclusion about this guy?

14:01 Could he be a lazy asshole? Yeah. But could he have found the way to happiness too? Yeah. I mean, happiness for him. I know it's not for me. Happiness for me is getting after it, kicking ass, taking names, be the best version of myself I can be. And I'm pretty sure that's the truth for you as well. Otherwise, you wouldn't be listening to this by now. So really, the point of this is that both things can be true. The far right Republicans are right, but also the far left Democrats are right.

14:27 President Trump is a great president, but he's also a piece of shit and a horrible president. Having sex with lots of different girls is amazing and great, but it's also some of the worst shit you can do. Being in a relationship is amazing and great, but inevitably you're going to miss out on being a playboy and you're going to lose some of the adventure. So there is the duality of both things are true. And when you have that in your mind, you become much more deep as a person because you're not ensconced in one single thing.

14:55 Now that begs the question, well, Mark, you said when you have a strong frame, you should leader, have a strong sense of reality, be decisive, know what you want. Yes, that's absolutely true. But if you think about it, the guy with the strongest frame is the one who can contemplate all different perspectives and make the best conclusion based on the evidence in front of him. And then once he makes that conclusion, go with it with certainty, lead her to where she needs to go. But if he's wrong, he admits it and says, you know what?

15:23 I was wrong. And this goes into giving people the benefit of the doubt as well. I always say, whenever you're in conflict with somebody, whenever somebody does something quote unquote fucked up to you, put yourself in their shoes, give them the benefit of the doubt. So when you have this duality of thought, when you can hold two thoughts in your head at the same time, you can look at a fat chick. Okay. And you guys know fat chicks frustrate me. The reason they frustrate me is because it's sad to see the victims of the standard American diet.

15:53 It's sad to see so many potential hot girls who have let themselves go. And I feel bad for my clients because you guys have to sift through the mountain trolls and sea donkeys and canyon buzzards just to find a thin girl who actually has a good body. And it's frustrating because I know a lot of it is because of laziness. But then again, when I look at a fat chick, I say, dude, how do I know her situation? She could have lupus. She could be depressed.

16:17 She could be on drugs. Her mom could have beat her. She could have right fill in the blank. So when we have this, we're, we're way more peaceful. We're way more compassionate and the space between now this is really important. The space between when a stimulus comes into your mind and your reaction to it is as the ancient mystic said, your depth as a person. Okay. So this is the big point of this episode is the space between. When something comes into your consciousness and when you judge it, when you have a thought about it, when you make a conclusion of it, that space, whether it's infinitesimally small And it only happens in a millisecond or whether you take 30 seconds to digest it and let it marinate and then do a conclusion on it.

17:02 That's your depth as a man. And I swear upon everything that I am that women can sense that, that people can sense it from you. When people are reactive, they're spazzy, they're making conclusions. They're basing their feelings on immediate judgment rather than stepping back and being like, okay, duality of thought. Two possible things here. And I can hold them in my head at the same time. And it's the same thing that happens with my clients when they come to me. Part of the time I'm like compassionate.

17:29 Oh, bro. Like, I'm sorry about what happened to you. Dude, that sucks. I really feel for you. I know how hard it is not to get girls. Brother, I feel for you, man. And I'm fighting with you side by side, shoulder to shoulder as brothers. And I'm going to get your back, brother. You got a shoulder to cry on. You got a friend in the trenches. And then at the same time, I'd be like, dude, harden the fuck up. Let's go suck it up. Grab yourself by your bootstraps.

17:51 Wipe off your fucking tears and get going. Stop this pussy shit and get the job fucking done. And that's why I think I'm good as a coach is because I can do, once again, two opposing thoughts in my head at the same time. I don't default to one. I do both. But I do both at the right times. You know, start with the compassion. Hey, I'm here for you. And then fucking kick them in the ass and go, let's go. Stop the excuses. The time for complaining is over.

18:14 I've listened to you. We've done the NLP. Let's go. Let's kick some ass. I'm going to hold you accountable. I see so many coaches either default to one or the other. When you have both, when you can hold two contrary opinions about something in your mind at the same time, you're balanced. You're open-minded. You have a super strong frame and you're also super attractive to women. All right, guys. And finally, to round out this talk, I want to talk about this concept of being blissfully dissatisfied.

18:41 This was created by Ed Mylett, M-Y-L-E-T-T. If you haven't subscribed to his podcast or seen him on YouTube, I strongly suggest you do so he's one of my heroes and he's one of the only dudes in this space that can talk faster than I can. It's absolutely unbelievable. The dude's just like, I'm like, damn, Ed, drop it down a gear, bro. You're coming unpeeled. But I love his information. And he came out with this. Maybe somebody else did, but this is where I heard it. I heard it from him blissfully dissatisfied.

19:11 And this is the perfect example of duality of thought. I am blissful in the fact that I'm thankful for my life. I love what I have. I love my woman. I love my kid. I love my business. I love you guys. I love this podcast. I love Colorado. I love my forerunner. I love the mountains. I freaking so appreciative for the life that I have. But dude, I'm dissatisfied. I want more. I want to reach more listeners. I want a bigger podcast. I want to get more coaching clients.

19:40 I want to get more episodes out there. I want more love with Marissa. I want more time with my daughter. I want more experiences in the woods. I want to have more bigger adventures hunting and getting out on my ATV and just having these insane situations. So I'm dissatisfied, blissful, being appreciative, thanking for what you have, enjoying the journey, stopping and smelling the roses, taking a minute like I'm doing at the end of this month to take some time for me and my family and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

20:07 And then when 2021 starts, I'm going to come like thunder, man, come out of the chute like a goddamn champion because I'm motivated by the dissatisfaction I have. I do not want to quit until I have expended every ounce of energy. I want to arrive to those pearly gates, broken, sweaty, bloody, just putting everything I have on the table. And that comes from being dissatisfied, wanting more, wanting to evolve further. And I tell you, you as a human being, there is no end to the amount that you can evolve.

20:38 So once again, the duality of thought, I look at the dude whose house I went to, who's working at the post office, smoking weed, having what I call lazy existence. Part of me thinks, bro, you're a fucking bum. You're lazy. Get off your ass, make the best of yourself. But then another part of me thinks, is he really that much worse than me? Maybe he figured it out. And who knows? Maybe he's happier than I am. And if happiness is the standard to which we're measured, maybe he's doing better than I am.

21:03 So can I really judge him? No. He is who he is. I am who I am. Is it the life for me? Fuck no. I'm going to keep pushing. And I know you are too, because that's what's in your heart. That's what you're listening to this, this far into this episode. So as you go into this holiday, boys, give yourself a break. You've been working hard. I know you have. I know you've been working hard. Give yourself a pat on the back. Eat some shitty food.

21:24 I am going to do the same thing. But dude, when we start 2021, let's come out of that gate like fucking fire, man. Let's kick some ass. Let's be dissatisfied. Let's continue to try to grow. And in your growth, remember, don't jump to conclusions. Don't have reactive judgments based on the situation. Let things unfold and the space between when a stimulus comes in and you react, when you put a label to it, when you think about it, is your depth as a man. And duality of thought, holding two contrary opinions about something and considering both and letting both marinate is going to extend that space.

21:59 It's going to extend your depth as a man, and it's going to make you more attractive, more successful, and most importantly, more at peace in your life. I'll keep you guys updated. If I see those people begging for money again at Burger King, hey, I might just go talk to them. I haven't decided yet what to do. They could be totally impoverished people who are doing the best they can, or they could be manipulating me. Either way, my gesture of trying to help another human being, in my opinion, was the right thing to do.

22:25 Whether or not their gesture was the right thing to do is up to them. That's their karma. That's their dharma. I'm positive what I did was right by giving them the money. I'm about 50-50 about what I did was right about staring that dude down, but I'll tell you what, it was pretty fucking funny. All right, boys. Thank you so much for listening. I got another one dropping on Wednesday, and as a reminder, I will not be dropping another one until January 1st. I'm going to take the time to recuperate, to have balance, to have silence, and then I'm going to come swinging in 2021 with more awesome content from the Unapologetic Man podcast.

22:58 All right, boys. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.