Why You Should GIVE UP CONTROL With Women

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me today. And today's topic is something that a lot of you would be surprised to hear, especially if you've been listening to my podcast for a long time. Why you should give up control with women? What the hell are you talking about, Mark Singh?

0:38 Haven't you been telling us the whole time that you're the one who needs to be in the leadership role? Don't you need to be in control but not controlling? So what the hell is this give up control with women? Well, check your grammar, bro. I didn't say give up control to women. I said give up control with women, huh? See what I did there? Got you to click, bro. Frame control at its very best. So I'm going to tell you exactly what this means and why this is so important and why this is probably a big reason a lot of you guys get rejected by women, a big reason a lot of you guys struggle to get the results that you're really looking for.

1:12 But before I jump into the content, I want to thank you guys yet again. That's right. You're going to predict what I'm going to say for those reviews. I really do appreciate it. And as always, I'd want you guys to go through the content first. Make sure it's up to snuff before you leave me a review. But let's say, for example, you were to listen to this episode and you says to yourself, you know what? This guy's pretty decent. I'm going to go ahead and hook him up because I'm a nice guy in my own heart and I do believe in the universal law of karma.

1:40 And I know if I hook this guy up with the review, I'm probably going to find $100 on the ground because that's the way the karma works. So I'm going to listen to it, hook him up with the five-star review, go ahead and leave some words behind it so that he understands exactly what I enjoyed about his content. And then I'll email him at coachmarksingh at gmail.com and he'll send me three awesome programs. Those are the conversation sniper, 150 deadly one-liners for building attraction, guide to the female orgasm, how to make her look like a screaming demon that just got shot out of a cannon, and three texts to build massive attraction in women.

2:15 Impress your friends, baffle your enemies. Also, if you do leave me a review, I'm going to get your face screen printed on the side of my dog because that's how much I appreciate those reviews. But remember to email me, man, I get reviews every day, and I'm pretty sure some of y'all aren't actually emailing me, letting me know that you left me a review. So do that, dude, because I want to know, I want to talk to you, I want to thank you. So give me the opportunity to express my appreciation and smack you on the ass with the conversation sniper as well as the other two programs and a few videos.

2:45 So what is this whole thing why you should give up control with women? So what I'm talking about here, brother, is you have to stop trying to control her perception of you. You got to stop trying to control how she sees you, how she laughs at your jokes, whether or not she likes you. So many guys get this wrong where they go into the interaction so unbelievably outcome dependent, depending on her to react positively to his jokes, to his conversation, to him, that they look needy.

3:15 And what is the most unattractive thing a guy can do, among other things, I'd say this is in the top three to five, is to be needy, to be trying to get something from her. So a lot of guys go up and they try to control it in a way where they're controlling her reaction. But the way to do it is to control the interaction, but not her reaction. When it comes to her reaction, you absolutely have to let go. And furthermore, you need to lower the bar, lower your should.

3:43 She should be behaving this way. She should laugh at my jokes. She should like me. Bro, you're shooting all over yourself. And when you should all over yourself, you put yourself in the bad position of being just slightly reactive. Now, for those of you who have listened to my podcast for any amount of time, one of the central tenets of frame control, which is leading her, being the masculine presence, controlling the conversation, as it were, is being the one who is less reactive. Well, if you're depending on her to react positively to what you're saying, are you the one who's less reactive?

4:14 Obviously not. Because you're reacting to her reaction. See how that works? You're being too dependent on things going well. You're concerned so much about whether or not she likes you that you're like messing yourself up. You go into screensaver mode. You don't know what to say. And then you blow yourself out. So what I always say when it comes to women, and by the way, this is true with relationships as well. Don't expect, accept. Don't expect, accept whatever reaction she has to you. If she likes you, that's cool.

4:43 If she doesn't, that's cool too. Why do high value guys think this way? Because your validation is from within yourself. You know you're the shit. You know you're a champion. So why does she have to confirm it? This is just some chick. It's just a human being. We give chicks so much credit that they don't deserve just because they're hot. It's just a human. She puts her pants on one leg at a time. She shits, she farts, she burps, she pukes. She has that nasty stuff that accumulates on the side of her mouth.

5:09 She picks her nose. She gets eye boogers, also known in Japanese as meikuso. Mei means eye and kuso means shit. Isn't that funny? Eye shit. She gets eye boogers. Her fucking head stinks if she doesn't wash her hair. She's got a stinky ass if she doesn't wipe it. Dude, she's just a human. So stop giving her so much credit and stop saying that she should react to you in a certain way. So let's go ahead and lower the bar. And in doing so, you're going to get two benefits out of that.

5:38 The first benefit is you feel successful based on the fact that you had the balls to approach her. I've been telling you guys this for years. Uncle Mark Singh has been smacking you upside the head with this wisdom forever, but you're just not listening. So this time you're going to get it down. Okay. We don't give a shit what happens. We don't care what her reaction is. What we care about is did you have the balls to go up and approach her. If you did, smack yourself on the ass.

6:03 You're a goddamn champion. Seriously, man. Like if I get rejected, which I do still, I still get rejected just like my clients. I open 20 girls a week. I make that a matter of policy. I owe it to you, the listener, as well as to my clients to walk the talk. So I open 20 chicks a week. Sometimes they're bitches. Sometimes they reject me. You know whose issue that is? Theirs. It's not my issue. I literally walk away thinking to myself, dude, do you know you just missed out on what would probably have been the most interesting conversation you've ever had ever in your life?

6:36 Okay. I don't think that, but I literally think, dude, you missed out on a great conversation. And furthermore, what do I do? I pat myself on the back and I say, bro, you're a champion. You had the balls to go approach her. You do what you say you're going to do. You're a man of honor. You are a man of your word. Therefore, you can be your own hero. Again, we give ourselves credit on the effort, not the results. That's the most important thing. The second benefit is when you don't care so much, when you accept rather than expect, is you become way less self-monitored.

7:06 Now, one of the big issues with us guys who are really into self-development is we're constantly thinking about self-development. And the way this manifests when we're speaking to women is we're often wondering, is my body language good? Am I saying the right things? Am I standing correctly? How's my tonality? Like you can hear me speaking in your ear. Ooh, remember what Mark Singh said? Don't say that. Make sure to say this. Don't stand this way. Stand this way. Make sure to lead. Make sure to control the frame.

7:31 Did I do a cold read? Did I do a push-pull? How's the conversation going? Did I qualify her yet? Is it time for the phone number? You're like, bro, this is just too much going on inside my head. So the key is this. Study all this stuff. But bro, right when you get into the mix, forget it all. Forget it all. Don't even think about it. And here's the thing. Those things that have sunk in subconsciously will come out on their own. So what we need to do is remove the conscious mind, specifically the conscious mind that asks for a result from her.

8:00 And we just let it flow. So really what you should do is this, is you should study, listen to the podcast, do everything I'm talking about, right? And then when you get in the mix, it's almost like I want you to forget everything, but you're not really forgetting everything because those things which I've sunk into your subconscious mind will come out on their own. So I don't want you to think like, dude, I have to do this. I got to do the story. Oh, remember the three-part process of answering questions.

8:24 Oh, remember to do this. Don't even think that. Just go in and be completely yourself. And dude, don't give a shit. In fact, a lot of times when I approach a girl, I focus on what's unattractive about her. If she's got a big old badonkadonk butt, or she doesn't have a forehead, but instead she has a five head, or her tits aren't a 34B, but instead they're a 34 long, like they're so saggy. That's what I focus on. And sometimes I'll even do this. And I tell my clients this is, imagine you've had sex with her a hundred times already.

8:53 How do you behave with a girl you've hit a hundred times? We've all been there. Well, some of you haven't, but how do you behave with a girl? You don't like, you don't give a shit. You're completely at ease. You're not thinking you're not in your head. You're in the present moment. And from that present moment, awareness comes the right things to say comes the right actions, the right body language, the right tonality. And this guys is why women who you're not attracted to get attracted to you.

9:18 This is the reason is when you're into a girl, you become self-monitored. You don't give up control. You want to control that reaction. You want to make sure she likes you. And then you look like a freaking sea donkey and she doesn't get attracted to you. So when you aren't so self-monitored, your confidence goes up, right? You're not so careful. You are who you are. You're not afraid of breaking rapport, which by the way, is a really important attraction building technique, which is to break rapport.

9:43 Guys always try to build rapport. Should probably do a podcast on that sometime. I wonder if I did. That's my 89 year old man memory coming to the forefront again. I can't even remember what I talked about. There's so much to talk about, but you don't care, man. Like you go in, you're not being so careful and you're unapologetic. Like you say something, of course, you don't want to be an asshole. We all understand that, but you're not apologetic about like, Ooh, I shouldn't have done that because that's just a vibe that people have.

10:10 It's like guys who aren't good with women, the nice guy, as it were, he's constantly apologizing. Even if it's not in his words, he's just apologizing with his presence, his body language, his tonality that's supplicatory. Hey, how are you doing today? And he's like, Oh, I shouldn't have said that. Shouldn't have said that, James. Do you want to go to the movies? Oh, why'd you say that? You idiot. You should have used Mark Singh's three-step program in order to ask her what she does first, then qualify or get her phone number and build a massive attraction over texting.

10:39 You idiot. You idiot. You're such an idiot. I can't believe what idiot. And then the next thing you know, she's blowing you out. So relax, bro. Give yourself a break, dude. Just be in the present moment. Ease off the throttle there, big doggy. You just want to slow your roll. Don't come unpeeled. Drop it down a gear. Take a Valium and step back a little bit. Okay. You're just chatting her up. And this is part of the reason too, that I always suggest to you guys to just talk to girl after girl after girl.

11:04 Cause what happens is you loosen up, right? It's like a night at the bar when you guys have had a few drinks in you. What are those few drinks due to you? They make you less caring about what happens in the outcome. And then you guys, a lot of you have a lot more game when you have a few drinks in you. So that's why that works like that. So allow yourself to make mistakes. Rejection doesn't happen because of one mistake. Rejection happens with a series of mistakes and a series of unattractive behaviors.

11:30 Namely, you trying to control her reaction. Furthermore, there's the element of you trying to pull her into the outcome that you hope will manifest. Never under any circumstance, do you want to try to pull a girl into the outcome that you hope will happen. Girls are a lot like cats in this way. What happens when you try to grab a cat and hold it and pet it and smother it and love it? It's going to get the hell away from you. But when you give it a little bit under the chin, on the back, down the head, then beat it, you fucking dingbat.

12:02 It'll come running after you. It's the same thing with my daughter. My daughter is a year and four months. And I noticed when I try to hold her, when I try to like pin her arms down or really cuddle with her, she tries to get away from me. But what I do is the same thing. So I let her be, you know, give her a little like kind of play with her hair a little bit, kiss her on the cheek and then be like, whatever, dude.

12:21 And then she'll come running over to me and then I give her a little bit. And like, I'm not saying I play games with my daughter, but in a way, that's just how women are. And kids are that way too. Cats are that way. A lot of people are that way. It's like the wind, right? If you try to possess it, you try to reach out and grab the wind. It's going to elude you. It's going to go around your hand. But when you open analogy for letting go, you possess it completely.

12:45 And that's the way it is with women too. And your dependence on outcome needs to be dropped immediately. You don't give a shit. So what if she's hot? Has she made all these other prerequisites? No, she hasn't yet. So you go in, meh, whatever happens, happens. What if I was dating four girls? Get out of your head. Stop self-monitoring. Stop expecting a certain result from her. Don't put her under the pressure of trying to get a result that you want to manifest. And look what happens.

13:14 They often get attracted to you. And this, again, is why girls who you're not into get attracted to you. All right. So this leads me to my final point. And I want to preface this with a question. Should you be more concerned with your entertainment or her entertainment? That's right. Your entertainment. I want you to be self-amused. I want you to be concerned about whether or not you're having a good time. Because that's what an attractive man does. See, an attractive man knows he's valuable. He values himself.

13:42 He values his own time. So if he goes into an interaction with somebody, he is ultimately extremely selfish. And I'm actually going to do a podcast on this coming up here soon. Is the guy who's really high value is extremely selfish, but he's selfish in the right kind of way. So in an interaction with a woman, all you care about is whether or not you're having a good time. But you're cognizant and aware and concerned about her state. That you're showing her a good time. That you're giving value.

14:12 So it's that juxtaposition. What matters most to you is that you're self-amused. If you aren't, you leave. Right? That's what matters most to you. But you're also cognizant of her state because you know that you need to put her into a good state in order to get her attracted. And frankly, as an unapologetic, value-giving man, we should be concerned about other people's states because we want to give value, don't we? We want to be go-givers. We want to leave this world having given as much charisma, value, good times, positive feelings, and laughs as possible.

14:45 So while you're not dependent on her reaction, you're aware of it. You're steering the conversation in ways that will first entertain yourself, but then secondly, entertain her. And in so doing, she can feel from you that her reaction isn't as important to you as your reaction. A lot of the times guys would tell me when they watch me talking to girls is that I make myself laugh more than I make the girl laugh. In fact, I'll say things sometimes and I'll like look at the ceiling laughing and it's like I'm in my own little world just entertaining myself.

15:16 And maybe you can feel that sometimes for me on the podcast too. I really entertain myself and that's what girls like is that I put myself first. Now, of course, in a relationship, there's always the unselfish giving part of you, but ultimately, you, the listener, are number one. And when you're number one, your self-validation comes first. You're no longer dependent on the validation, the acceptance, the laughter, the fill in the blank of other people. It's their deal. Like, bro, I don't give a shit if you think I'm funny.

15:46 It's like I'm sure there's some podcast listeners right now who are just hating on me, dude. Do I give a fuck? No, I don't. I mean, I hope I'm giving you guys some value because again, I'm unselfish in that way. But ultimately, this is for me. In fact, a lot of times I think that all the episodes I'm recording for this podcast, I'm going to listen again to when I'm like 110 years old and think back and maybe give it to my grandson and maybe give it to other guys who need it.

16:12 And it's like for me more than it is so much for you guys. And I enjoy doing it because I think about this stuff all the time. So for me, this is cathartic. I like to get my thoughts out there. I like to talk, as you can clearly see. So this is a selfish endeavor. But I'm still very cognizant of what will benefit you guys. And I want to give value. So first I give to myself and then I give to you. Well, that's the way you are with chicks.

16:36 So in so doing, you're no longer trying to control her, are you? Because you're self-validated. You don't need her to laugh. You don't need her to approve you. You don't need her to give you her phone number. It's like it is what it is, chick. I'm basically dating four chicks. If I miss this bus, the next one will come. Whatever. Let's just chat. Have a good time. And in so doing, yet again, she gets attracted to you. And finally, guys, I want to nail home the point, the most important point of this episode, which is you have to base your feelings of success on the effort, not the results.

17:08 You cannot control whether or not she likes you. You cannot control whether or not she has the same sense of humor as you. So stop trying. Let it go. Give up control with, not to, with women. When you do that, your results with women are absolutely going to explode. All right, guys. So that's it for me in this episode. I hope you found some value in it. If you did, hook a fella up. It really helps me grow this podcast. The way this podcast gets found by other champions like you is by ratings.

17:38 You know, the more ratings I get, the higher I get in the search results, more guys find me. And that helps me. That helps my family. That helps this message get out there about being an unapologetic man who is still a good person deep inside of who he is and who wants to leave value on this world. But he isn't going to apologize for who he is. He's not going to apologize for what entertains him. And he's not going to try to get a reaction out of a girl because he understands that you can't control another person.

18:06 He understands that his own amusement is the most important thing. And he understands that the way to get a woman attracted to you is to not give a shit whether or not she's attracted to you. It's the juxtaposition ironic truth about the universe. Same thing with money. And once you guys understand this very clearly, your game is going to completely change. So, if you do leave me that review, please email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com. And like I said, I'm going to get a screen printed version of your face slapped right on the side of my dog.

18:34 She's going to be running down the street with your face on her side. And underneath, it's going to say, Le Champion, because that's exactly what you are. And I appreciate you being a listener. All right, gentlemen, I got another awesome one launching on Monday. So, please tune back in. And until then, I will see you in the next episode. That was fun.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.