The 4 PILLARS of ATTRACTION (SOOOO IMPORTANT)

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. One of the biggest complaints that I hear from my clients is, they get a girl's number and she doesn't text them back. She ghosts him. She doesn't reply. Or if she does reply, her replies are so boring, it's almost impossible to get her engaged. Why is that? Why do chicks do that? Why would a chick give you her phone number and then just ghost you or not text you back or not want to hang out with you?

0:40 Why do girls do that? Well, think about it, man. If somebody comes up to you and asks you for something, it's a lot easier to give it to them and then just not follow up with them. Wouldn't you agree? So if a girl is not attracted to you and you ask for the phone number, it's a lot easier for her to say, yeah, here you go. See you later. And then just block your number. Then it is for her to say no, because they're going to be like, why not?

1:04 And it might turn into an argument. It puts way less social pressure on her to just give dudes her number and then never text them back. But see, there's a bigger problem here. Okay. You don't want to be that guy, like half the dudes on YouTube that you watch, like watch me go get a girl's number. You don't want to be the guy who goes up and gets a girl's number and then she doesn't text you back. It fucking sucks. I've been there many times. Well, eventually I figured out, thought to myself, why is this happening?

1:26 Maybe it's because I'm not getting enough attraction. Maybe it's because she's not enough engaged. Maybe because she's not intrigued enough. Maybe it's because she didn't have to work for me. Maybe it's because I'm doing the same bullshit that all the other guys are doing and I should differentiate myself. It's when I figured that out that I started getting really good responses from girls. I would always get hangouts. I would get girls suggesting in the first conversation, hey, we should hang out sometime or we can talk about this more over coffee.

2:01 They always make these little hints, right? Well, the reason that is, is because I deploy the four pillars of attraction. So if you get into conversations with girls, if you occasionally get numbers or even if you get numbers a lot that don't text you back, then this episode is specifically for you. All right. So this is what I decided to do. I'm really fired up about this. I think it's a good idea and I think you're really going to like it too. Give me a review.

2:25 Email me letting me know. Yo, Mark, I gave you a review on so-and-so platform and I will reply to that email with two. That's right. Two of my programs. All right. So the first program is Conversation Sniper, 101 deadly one-liners for building attraction. This program, guys, is honestly one of my favorite programs that I've ever created. And we're going to talk today about how to get girls attracted to you in the first conversation so they actually do text you back. This program works specifically into that. It's a bunch of one-liners that get girls attracted to you.

2:59 You can toss them in. It's rebuttals to many of the things that you're going to hear while you're in set. So you really need this one. And then as you start getting laid, who doesn't want to be a superhero in the bedroom? So the second one, Guide to the Female Orgasm, is based on my numerous experiences with women. But more importantly, my interviews with women and what they really want. How to please a woman in bed, both with going down on her and having sex with her.

3:24 I also give lots of awesome little secrets in that book. And dude, I'm giving to you both for free if you just leave me a review. Okay. Now, here is the coolest part, is I'm going to enter you into a t-shirt winning contest. I created a t-shirt about my brand. And personally, I think it's the sickest t-shirt that's ever been created by mankind. I'm really fucking proud of them. I designed them myself. And I'm going to enter you into a contest to win that t-shirt. The contest goes over the next two weeks until the end of January.

3:53 And here's the deal. Out of every five guys that email me, one of those five guys is going to win the t-shirt. So you have a super good chance to win it if you simply leave me a review. And you're going to get two programs because of it. I think that's a pretty good fucking deal. I always like to give more than what I ask for in return. And I think I'm giving a lot here. So, bro, help a dude out. Just go to iTunes, clack the five stars, leave me a review.

4:18 Once again, email me letting me know on any of the other podcast apps. I don't know how they work. I know you can't do it on Spotify, unfortunately. Email me letting me know. Now, if none of those places work for you, you can't freaking find how to do it. And believe me, I know it's frustrating. Go to YouTube. Honestly, YouTube is my last preference. I'd kind of rather you guys do it on iTunes. But if you can't figure out how to do it on iTunes, then go to YouTube.

4:42 And what I want you to do is leave comments on two different videos and thumbs up two different videos. If you can help me out and thumbs up all of them, I'd really appreciate it. But just go, you'll find it, the Unapologetic Man podcast. Or what you can do is go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com. Once again, that's CoachMarkSingh.com. You can find it right there in the description below. Just clack that button and it'll take you right to it. On that website has my email address as well as pictures of me in the t-shirt that you're going to win if you win the t-shirt.

5:14 So do it, dude. Hit me up. Email me. Let me know. And I will send you those two programs. I think it's a pretty good fucking deal. I think I'm going to get tons of reviews because of this. And if that's what I have to do to coerce you guys to get you into a rear naked choke and be like, bitch, I'm going to choke you out unless you give me a review, then that's what I'm going to do. Because look, here's the deal. The only way I'm going to get more listeners is if I get ranked.

5:35 And the only way I'm going to get ranked is if I get reviews. By the way, I'm a pretty giving individual. So you might just get more than even what I talked about there, but you'll have to do it in order to see what that is. So please hook me up, bro. I really would appreciate it. All right. Let's dive into the content, the four pillars of attraction. All right. The four pillars of attraction. The first pillar is frame control. And in my opinion, frame control is the most important pillar.

6:04 In fact, it might even be better said that it's a foundation and then you have three pillars, but it is the most important pillar. Why? Because a girl cannot become attracted to you unless you have a stronger frame than she does. That is so retardedly important that I'm going to say it again. A girl cannot become attracted to you, dude, unless you have a stronger frame than she does. Okay. So what does that mean? What is a frame? A frame is the interpreted meaning of an interaction and or who is controlling the interaction, who is leading it.

6:40 Okay. So I always have the statement. You want to lead women to where they want to be led. That works masterfully into what I'm talking about here. Now, frame control warrants its own podcast episode. I'm going to do an episode on it here soon. But for the time being, I want to teach you guys a little bit about tonality where it comes to frame control. What I tell my clients is you always want to talk to girls like they're a 13-year-old girl on your soccer team.

7:06 You're the soccer coach. Little Kelly is a little girl on your soccer team. And you're talking to her in a nice way. But the tonality, the frame is very clear that you are the authority and she's like your little sidekick that you're tucking under your wing. Now, I know if any feminists listen to this, they're going to freak out and say that I'm a misogynist. I'm a piece of shit. But I stand by it. I'm unapologetic about it. And this is what I mean. I mean that a woman cannot become attracted to you if she has to lead, if she has to make the decisions, if she has to make you feel good about yourself, if she's controlling the frame.

7:43 They want to be led, now, not misogynistically, not condescendingly, but almost like they're your sidekick and you're tucking them right under your wing there. Okay, so I'm going to give you a new example of tonality, okay? So when a cop pulls you over, it's very clear that he's controlling the frame, right? He pulled you over. You have to wait for him. You have to answer his questions. He's controlling the frame. So I'm going to give you two examples here of two potential tonalities that he could use with you.

8:15 And I want you to tell me which one is the stronger frame and which one is the weaker frame. All right, so here's example one. License and registration, please. Here's example two. License and registration, please. Okay, obviously, right? Example two, that's the authority. But look, how did you know that? So obviously, it's just based on tonality, isn't it? At the end of the sentence, if you have an upward inflection, that communicates a lesser frame. At the end of the sentence, if you have a downward tonality, that communicates an authoritative frame.

8:50 You always, always, always want to have an authoritative frame with women. If you have a supplicatory frame, which is an upward inflection at the end, they will not get attracted to you and it will seriously contribute to your ghosting and to girls not texting you back. A lot of guys will be like, so can I have your phone number? Right? You're done, dude. You just fucking knocked out attraction by 30%. The better way to say it is, hey, why don't you toss me your number? Maybe we'll catch up some other time.

9:21 Okay? It's an authoritative. Think about it like you're talking to a little girl. Stop putting women above you. Just because they're hot. They're not above you, dude. The worst thing you can do is go up to a woman and hand her your balls in a nice little knapsack and say, please have sex with me. Please. I'm so pitiful. I'm so weak. Just tell me what to say. Have you ever heard that dude where dudes are like, just tell me what to say to you? That's the worst thing you could ever say to a woman because again, it's her controlling the frame.

9:51 If you're on a date with a girl and you're like, well, what do you want to do next? Terrible. Her controlling the frame. So this is an introduction to frame control. You have to lead. Lead her to where she wants to be led. It's not misogynistic. It's not condescending. You're not being an asshole. You're simply leading the way a man leads. All right. So once again, this warrants its own podcast episode. And as you can tell, I'm pretty fired up about it. But in frame control, there's so many elements.

10:20 I can't wait to teach you guys. There's reversals. There's social pressure elements. There's body language ways to do it. A lot of the stuff that I've talked about in previous podcasts do relate into this. But when you have a stronger frame than she does, really what you say doesn't even matter. You can be the most boring dude in the world. And if you have a stalwart frame, a frame that is imperturbable, a frame that cannot be moved, she will get attracted to you. Now, there's a myriad of ways you can misinterpret this and fuck it up.

10:52 You can become a stubborn asshole who's just overbearing and overpowering and controlling. That's not the right way to do it. So at first, just let this kind of marinate. Just take it in. Just kind of give it an introduction into your psyche. I'm going to come swinging with another episode on frame control. And that's where I'm really going to get down into the weeds and split hairs about how to do it correctly. Because it can go wrong very quickly. You can become that condescending, overbearing, controlling asshole that the feminists are all going to freak out about.

11:24 No, no, no. Instead, once again, you want to be that friendly, nice, though disagreeable coach of the soccer team. You have that element that's gigantic for attraction. Your chances of her texting you back just went up substantially. The second pillar of an attraction-building conversation is value. You've heard me talk about value many times in this podcast. But what it is is giving her good conversational substance for her to seek her teeth into. It's being entertaining. It's being funny. It's being intriguing. It's being a mystery. It's telling stories like I went over in my previous podcast.

12:04 It's giving her things to talk about. Engaging. Being playful. Being a mystery. Being that package of stimuli that women are desperately seeking on a day-to-day basis. Okay, you go to YouTube, right? And half the pickup artists on there, they do the same thing. And this is how it goes. Hey, I saw you standing over here and I just want to let you know I think you're really cute. What's up? What's your name? Oh, what's up, Kelly? My name is Mark. So how are you doing today?

12:32 Good, good. So where are you headed? Oh, yeah. I went to that school too. It's a good school. Well, listen. I got to get out of here. Why don't you toss me your number and maybe we'll catch up some other time. Okay. Now, from a frame control perspective, from tonality, everything that I just said, that's pretty on point. Okay. That's how I talk to girls. You can listen to that again if you want to. That's the right tonality. But here's the thing. There's no fucking substance there.

12:56 She doesn't know anything about you and most of all, you don't know anything about her. What is she thinking? Why does this guy want my number? He thinks I'm attractive and he knows nothing about me. He knows I'm hot and he knows my name is Kelly. Those two things. That's it. So in value, we're teaching her about us. We're saying things that she teaches us about her and we're engaging with her. We're building this playful vibe like two kids on the schoolyard. That's what I always say.

13:25 When talking to girls, you want to have fun like two kids on the schoolyard. I'm going to do tons more episodes on things that create value. But one good way to build value is with storytelling. Another good way to build value is with push-pull. I'm not sure if I've done an episode on it yet, but there's role-playing. There's cold reading. There's all these things that I'm going to teach you guys. And if you want to cut to the chase and get coaching with me, I can teach you really quick how to do this.

13:52 But when you do value in your conversations, dude, you get her really attracted to you. But there's more. Okay. I could go up and do value. I can control the frame. I'll probably get like maybe a 50-50 reply rate. Okay. Because we're missing two steps here. Missing sexual tension, which is pillar number three, sexual tension. Okay. I did an episode on this. I think it was called how to create sexual tension with a girl. John and I did that. So go check out that episode for methods on how to do it.

14:23 But I'm going to teach you a quick method here just so you got something quick to work with. Okay. So one of the things I teach under the pillar of value is when you guys have something in common, rather than getting excited and like high-fiving her and saying, oh, you love to snowboard? I love to snowboard too. High five. You want to make that the reason you two wouldn't get along. Okay. That's called a false disqualifier. And that would slip under the pillar of value. Okay.

14:49 So you say, hey, so why'd you move to Colorado? And she's like, oh, I love to snowboard. You know, I love to go to Aspen and tell you, right, and go snowboarding. You'd be like, oh, that sucks. Okay. So anytime a girl says something about a hobby she does that I can kind of relate to, or that I also do, I always, without exception, or I should say very rarely without exception, say that sucks. Like, oh, you do? That sucks. Now, invariably, she's going to say, well, why does that suck?

15:18 You say, oh, I'm really into snowboarding too. And I'm, I would be so much better than you. I would, we'd just be going down the mountain together. I'd hit a powder bluff and explode that fucker like the thunder God himself. Then we come up to the half pipe and I just do like a 360 McTwist over your head. You get butt hurt. We get in a big fight, get in a big snowball fight. I get a tooth knocked out. This whole dental thing, this whole insurance thing.

15:40 We can't be friends anymore. Goodbye. We're broken up. All we do is fight. And now she's laughing. Okay. That gives good value. So that's a really good tip in the, in the level of value is if you guys have something in common, make that the reason you wouldn't get along. Now we can merge that into sexual tension. Now here's a quick caveat about sexual tension. You don't want to do sexual tension until she's attracted to you. Okay. Listen to my other podcast about how to tell if a girl likes you.

16:07 Okay. It's very clear when a woman is attracted to you. You don't want to go into this third pillar until you get her attracted to you. But oftentimes what I'll do is I'll say, but you know what the good thing about fighting is, right? And she's like, what? And you say, well, after you fight, you get to make up. Now, when I say that, I say it kind of sexually. I call it bedroom voice. Now the voice of frame control is like, she's a, she's a girl on your soccer team.

16:32 Right. But the voice of sex is bedroom voice. Okay. So you know what's so, you know what's so cute about you, Kelly? Like that. That's an example of it. So you know what the good thing about fighting is, right? She's like, what? And you'd be like, well, afterwards you get to make up. Now, most of the time she's going to say like, make up sex. You'd be like, yeah, you know, like after you fight, you guys are heated. There's all that passion there and then you guys make up and there's all that tension, that sexual tension, just that palpable feeling of chemistry that just needs that release.

17:09 Now, as I'm saying this, I might be pulling her in depending guys. Okay. Depending on how attracted she is to me. Okay. So when she's feeling it, okay, I may pull her in and be like, yeah, you know, and you just feel that chemistry. Like you might even feel it right now. You're just looking in each other's eyes and you're so mad at each other. And you just need to release that. You just need to get after it and just go at each other and just pull each other's hair out and just get really rough with it.

17:35 Just have best sex ever. And you know, makeup sex is the best. There's all that passion there. There's almost like a hatred underlying it. And then what I'm doing is as I'm talking to her, she's imagining having sex with me. Okay. So that girl may not have texted me back, but now that I've done a couple of things like this, and I'm going to give you more tips about this in the future. But now that I've done a couple of things like this, the attraction is really consolidating.

18:02 It's exponentially growing. It's getting hotter and hotter. You can imagine it like a coal in your hand. You got to blow on it and blow on it to get it hotter and hotter and hotter. Get it flaming red. When it's flaming red, that's when you go for the phone number. Okay. So going up and being like, hi, I'm Chad. Who are you, Kelly? Well, I got to get out of here. You're cute. Give me your number. There's nothing there. Again. Yeah. Sometimes she'll text you back just because you have presence and bearing and you can pull it off.

18:28 I mean, I pull it off a few times myself, but doing this, this is way more powerful. All right. Now the third pillar is qualifying. Qualifying means that you're making her work for you a little bit. Okay. Once again, another podcast episode, all these things warrant more attention, but a couple of qualifying questions are, what would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you? What's the coolest thing you've ever done? Are you a good friend? Yes. What's the coolest thing you've ever done for your friend?

18:58 Then she tells you some story that you could say, so if you're telling me that your friend's car broke down in the middle of the desert at 3 a.m., she's eight hours away, you'd hop in your car to go get her and she'll be like, oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah, I would. And you'd be like, good, good. You know, I need somebody to bail me out of jail. I go to jail probably like twice a week. So being it that you're such an awesome friend, you're my jail friend.

19:20 You're bailing me out of jail. And then she laughs. Okay. So qualifying, there's an interesting concept that goes into this. It's called cognitive dissonance. We tend to value what we work for. That's why salesmen will always ask you for a little favor. When salesmen, for example, come to your house to sell you some vacuum cleaner, and if they could actually get into the door and give you a presentation, the good salesman will always ask you for a glass of water. Why is that? It's because when you go get the salesman a glass of water, you have to convince yourself that you like the salesman more than you actually do to justify the fact that you got him a glass of water.

19:55 So if a girl buys into your qualifications, if you say what's good about you beyond your looks, and she buys into it and she explains it to you, dude, she's getting way, way, way more attracted to you simply because the concept of cognitive dissonance. And when you ask for a phone number, there's more justifiable reason for you to do it. You've actually learned about her. You're showing interest in her for her, not just because she's hot. Any girl could get any guy because she's hot, but a girl wants you to want her for her.

20:25 So you have to show interest, but you do it in a way where you are the authority, where you are controlling the frame, where she has to qualify herself to you. Like she's submitting an application and you're doing an interview. Now, the worst thing you can do is do that too early. She has to be attracted. I've asked girls to qualify themselves to me when they weren't attracted enough. And you know what they say? They say, I don't want to tell you that. So, hey, why'd you want to become a nurse?

20:51 I don't want to tell you that. I've literally had a girl tell me that the other day. And I was like, okay, I didn't do enough value. Certainly didn't do enough sexual attention. So I need to go back to it. Okay. So with all these pillars, there's an order to it. First and foremost, frame control. That controls the whole thing. That's there throughout your entire interaction with her in the first conversation, as well as your entire relationship moving forward. Between my girlfriend and I, dude, I'm the fucking leader.

21:20 She always says, I go where you go. Damn right, little girl. Because I'm the one controlling the frame. Doesn't mean she's less than me. Doesn't mean I'm better than her. It just means when we're together, I'm the leader. And that's the way she likes it. Okay. So frame control. It encompasses your entire conversation. Then a pillar inside of that is value. You start with value. Make her laugh. Build intrigue. Push, pull, cold reading, role playing, all these techniques. Conversation sniper. You're throwing in lines. She's laughing.

21:48 Having a good time. Then she's getting attracted to you. Once she's attracted to you, to a certain level, then boom, you throw in some sexual tension. I would strongly suggest listening to my episode about sexual tension because there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. But essentially, you're throwing her a lure. If she grabs onto it and you can get sexual talk going, good. All the better. You're making great progress. Once that's been going on, then you do qualifying. Then you make her work for you.

22:16 Now, as I talked about in pre-selection, if she's already attracted to you, you can start with qualifying. But if she doesn't know you, you start with value. Then you go into sexual tension. Then you go into qualifying. Brother, if she's qualifying herself to you, it is over. She's definitely going to text you back. She's definitely going to go on a date with you. She's super interested because no girl that isn't attracted to a guy is going to qualify herself to him. Why would she bother doing that?

22:46 And by the way, going back to frame control, if a girl asks you to qualify yourself to her, don't do it. There's qualifying turnarounds that I'm going to teach you in a future podcast. But if you qualify yourself to a girl, if you try to explain to her why you're awesome, if you try to show her your money or show her your status or try harder, any of the things that are in a qualifying nature, you are killing her attraction for you. But if you can get her to qualify herself to you, that's where the magic is.

23:19 That's where she gets super attracted. Then, dude, by the end of that conversation, if I can get all those things in with a girl, bro, she's suggesting we hang out. So what do you like to do for fun? They'll ask. Do you like to go to bars? Do you ever go out Friday nights? What are you doing this weekend? They're going to ask you questions like that. But if they don't, you just say, hey, I got to get out of here. I always say this, dude.

23:39 This is my MO. Why don't you toss me your number and maybe we'll catch up some other time. Now, listen to that. Why don't you toss me your number, real casual, and maybe, I throw in that little maybe in there, we'll catch up some other time. Okay? It's like, it's not like, hey, can I have your number? Okay, I'm going to text you tomorrow. Okay, I'm going to text you. No. It's like, yeah, dude. Like, maybe we'll catch up. Whatever. It was fun, girl. But dude, I have so many fucking chicks in my life.

24:05 It's like, yeah, we'll see. Right? That's the vibe. But again, dude, you have to balance it. You can't be a fucking douche about it. You got to be cool, but you also got to be out of reach. It's that fine balance that does take some practice. But these guys are the four pillars that are going to get girls to text you back. They're going to get them to want to go on dates with you. They're going to get them invested. Again, the four pillars are frame control, value, sexual tension, and qualifying.

24:33 Get those four into your first conversations with girls and boom, you will get dates every single time. All right, guys. That's it for me. Thank you so much for listening. Once again, go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com for details about the contest and how you can leave me a review and I'll shoot you two of my greatest programs and also enter you into that t-shirt contest. I'm really excited about that. Can't wait to meet lots of y'all. Can't wait to email with you guys. Super fired up about it.

25:01 You and I are in the trenches together, fighting shoulder to shoulder as brothers. You get shot in the arm and go down and I reach my hand out and I say, I got you, man. I got your back. Or maybe this time I get shot in the arm and I go down. You reach out and get me. We are in this together, this self-improvement thing, this getting girls thing. And I got your back just like you got mine. I really appreciate you and I will see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.