The 5 Step Evolution of Confidence. Where Are You on This Scale?

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. Today, we're going to talk about the five-step evolutionary process of confidence, confidence, confidence. I did this episode about four years ago, and it definitely requires a revisit because this is some really, really important stuff. And I think a lot of you guys will have a lot of epiphanies when it comes to confidence and the evolution of confidence, kind of be able to detect where you are, or at least through my theory, where you are when it comes to the stages of confidence.

0:52 And you've got to be honest with yourself when it comes to this kind of stuff because, you know, it's easy to really criticize yourself and or put yourself ahead of where you might actually be. But a humble self-assessment, which I'm going to do alongside you, is really necessary when it comes to these kinds of things. And listen, if you're not fully evolved, as I'm not fully evolved, then it's exciting because we have further to go and we can improve ourselves even more, which, in my opinion, and I think a lot of you guys will agree with me, is basically the purpose of life.

1:23 Before I jump into the content, I want to read you guys a quick testimonial from a client, one of my favorite clients. His name is Matt. This was absolutely the best testimonial I've ever received in my life. Like, literally, this brought a tear to my eye, forwarded it to my girlfriend, brought a tear to her eye, and now it's about to bring a tear to your eye, brother. Obviously, your non-shooting eye, you got to keep that shooting eye clear just in case anything pops off. But, Matt, unbelievable, man.

1:51 Like, this was the most beautifully written testimonial I've ever seen. Like, if you ever need a job as a copywriter, hit me up, man, because this shit is amazing. It was really long, and there's, like, so much to say. I had to pick out one individual paragraph. So, I'm just going to read the one that I think is most applicable to what you guys might be interested in when it comes to hiring me as a coach, and that is about the NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, which basically means I go into your brain and I reprogram some of the bullshit programs that you have going on inside you.

2:23 A lot of us don't understand why we're in the rut we're in, why it's just like Groundhog Day, why we continue getting the same results with women over and over again. And it's like you're running an old computer system that just keeps shooting out the same results. Of course, it's going to shoot out the same results because the operating system is old, it's outdated, and it's ineffective. So, let me read this real quick, and then we'll jump into the content. Here he goes. He says, I used to be that guy, and I promise you, it was a miserable existence.

3:19 I learned from all the wrong places, such as movies, was the feminine, approval-seeking, the nice and very manipulative, outcome-dependent, taker, putting women on a pedestal above myself, weak person. Mark's program showed me the light of what I had allowed myself to become. I'm ecstatic to be the man in person I now am. I will never stop hitting it hard on that exhilarating journey. There's so much more to read, guys, but I'm just going to kind of end it there. Matt, I really do appreciate this, and guys, you can do this too.

3:49 I really feel like, this sounds so cheesy, but I just have to be honest with you. I really feel like there's something magical here that very few other pickup artist coaches have really hit upon. And that is that unique mixture of NLP and then my awesome strategies, as well as I dare say, and I try to humbly say, my life experiences. Because I've been through a lot of bullshit. So when a guy comes to me who's going through a lot of bullshit, I can relate to him.

4:16 Like, I didn't wake up with a silver spoon in my ass, and everything just worked out for me the way it does for some people. I'm not calling anyone out, but I had to go through absolute hell to get to the point I'm now at. And NLP was a big reason I was able to get to this point. And I've really created an effective, super effective system to get guys there consistently. Every day I get emails from my clients just telling me how amazing their progress is.

4:42 I mean, they're showing me pictures of the chicks they're banging. And they're telling me about how they're dating too many girls and they've got to start getting rid of them. Like, it's ridiculous, just the wave of women that almost every single one of my clients experiences. So listen, if you want to get on a call with me, meet with me one-on-one. It's just going to be me and you. Talk about your issues. Talk about kind of some of your experiences and what you're trying to achieve.

5:05 I'm available to you. Go to my website, coachmarkstein.com. Fill in the quick application. You and I will get on that call. And if we move forward together, I hold you accountable over the three months. It's probably about five hours a week of work, which breaks down to about 45 minutes a day. And I keep you accountable. I drip feed you all the information. I go into your brain with NLP, reprogram all that shit over the three months. And brother, I want to meet you. So sign up and we will get on the phone.

5:32 All right, enough of that whole shindig. Let's go ahead and jump into the content. The first step of confidence that I've noticed in my clients, as well as my own evolution, is that usually that confidence is kind of contrived. You're kind of pushing it out. You're really caring what other people think of you. And when you have that kind of confidence, it's not really confidence. It's kind of like ego posing as security. It's you really not being too sure of yourself, but instead trying to get other people to tell you that you're enough.

6:01 And that's why it's contrived confidence. Then as you continue to develop, that confidence no longer becomes so required of other people's opinions, right? Like you don't really care what other people think of you. You can take constructive criticism really well because you rely only on your own internal filters. So first it goes through your own filter and then it comes into you and you say whether or not you believe what he or she said about you. And that's true confidence. So initially, you know, you're pushing it out onto others.

6:32 You care a lot what other people think and you're really like reliant upon them. And as the Tao Te Ching always says, when you care about what people think, you become their prisoner. But eventually that evolves into, I don't really care what you think. You could say anything to me. Once it goes through my filter, that's when I make my final decision. And those who have really high confidence, they don't just have one filter. They have like three filters, right? It has to go through the first filter, the second one, and the third one before it even gets to them.

7:00 And by the time that happens, they're relying on their own opinion of the situation and therefore relying upon themselves and relying of your opinion is what true confidence is. The second stage in the evolution of consciousness is what I call the letting go of ego. So we all have egos and you guys probably have heard this term before. A lot of people use it a lot of different ways. But the way I see it is you're trying to prove yourself and trying to be better than others and you compare yourself to others.

7:29 So if little Bobby has a really nice car, you want to get a better car. If somebody makes X amount of money each year, you want to try to beat that person because you're always in a comparative mentality. And what is that? That's actually looking outside yourself, isn't it? Whereas true confidence, like I said, is all internal. You compare yourself to yourself of the past. So whenever my clients are beating themselves up because they don't get the results that they're looking for with women, I always say, well, did you approach her?

7:55 Did you give the effort? And they say, yeah. And I say, then it's something to self-congratulate yourself for because you move past the barrier that was inside yourself. Who cares what somebody else in the program is doing? Who cares what Mark Singh is able to do? It doesn't matter. It's you against you. And when you evolve to the second stage, you let go of that. You let go of those ego comparisons. You don't need people to pat you on the back. Like other people have nothing to do with your own sense of confidence.

8:22 It's all from within. And that's the second stage of the evolution of confidence. The third stage is probably the most important stage because you accept yourself as if you chose it. And you kind of love those things about you, right? If you have like crow's feet the way I do or like laugh lines, you look at those as a sense of your experience. You look at those as a sense of your character. You look at those as a part of you and you wouldn't change them.

8:49 If you have a little bit of fat, if you have some acne, if you're balding, if you're short, if you're all blondes out, you accept that as if you chose it. Now, when it comes to women, they're highly attracted to a guy who accepts himself as if he chose the way he is. And I really want you to listen to that. You accept yourself as if you chose the way you are, including everything you hate about yourself. When you get to that point, women sense that from you and your body language, and then they become highly attracted to you.

9:18 This is why some of you guys have seen a super duper retardedly good looking chick like making out with a really ugly guy in public or in the nightclubs or in the bars. And you're like, oh, he must have money. Well, don't be so quick to assume that what he has probably. It's complete self-acceptance. So when you get to the point where you accept yourself, here's the thing. Other people accept you, too. When you have a certain thing about your personality, when you used to rub people the wrong way and you used to kind of beat yourself up over it.

9:47 Like, dang it, Mark. Why aren't you more socially intelligent? Why aren't you more witty? Why aren't you able to make people laugh the way this other guy makes people laugh? And what you do is you beat yourself up in very subtle ways that are communicated through your body language. But when you accept yourself, because, dude, like, especially with your looks, you can't change it. Aside from getting surgery, like, I get some facelift that, like, pulls my face all back and, like, get some fake eyebrows put in and a frickin' new schnoz put in.

10:14 But what's that going to do? It might make me feel better for a couple months, but if you're in the mentality of X, Y, Z is not enough, then X, Y, Z will always not be enough. So, like, people who are poor, right? You give the poor person money, they're going to blow right through it and become poor again. Poor isn't a state of having no money. Poor is a state of consciousness, as is ego, as is confidence, is a state of consciousness. If you have the right mentality when it comes to money, for example, then money will continue coming to you, and if you're given money, you'll hold on to it.

10:48 This is why people who win the lottery often lose it just a couple years later, and they even go into further debt, most of them, after they've lost all their lottery money, because it's a state of consciousness. And it's the same thing with confidence, is when you accept yourself as if you chose how you are, then everybody will accept you, too, and that's where peace is, right? So we don't care what people think anymore. It doesn't matter what kinds of opinions come in. Even haters can come at me, and it's like, whatever, man, that's your issue.

11:16 You know, sometimes I get hate mail, and it cracks me up because they'll say things like, you're a douchebag. One guy told me he wanted me to die. And at first blush, you're like, damn, dude, how bad does this guy's life have to suck to send a guy like me hate mail like that? Well, what I think is he's saying that about himself, right? He's saying that I'm a douche canoe. I wish I would die, is what he's really saying. And then I can send that guy compassion because he hasn't reached the point of consciousness where he can accept himself.

11:45 Because I'll tell you, anybody who fully accepts themselves accepts others, too, right? He no longer tries to change other people, expects other people to be different ways. Let me ask you this, and I want you to be totally 100% honest with me. Do you try to change people? Do you wish people would be different? Do you judge people? Do you criticize people? Do you drive around in your car and say, idiot, like every 30 seconds? The way I do, I admit it. Sometimes I get a little bit pissed off.

12:12 That says that you're trying to change others because you really want to change yourself. See, the outside opinion that you have and the outside consciousness that you display is only an inward reflection of what's going on inside of you. And I say that about people's houses, too, right? You walk into somebody's house and it's like a hovel. You know that it's a hovel inside their head, too. People who have their lives dialed in, people who run a tight battleship and who are highly confident will display that in the outward manifestation of the results of their life.

12:43 And they'll also feel that way about other people. People who love themselves typically love other people. Another interesting point on this, which is kind of unrelated, but it's interesting, is they've done research on what makes a healthy relationship. And the one thing they've been able to find, I mean, they've done so much research on this and really the jury's really out about what makes a healthy relationship. But the one thing that's always consistent is people who are happy before the relationship are usually happy in the relationship.

13:12 People who aren't happy before the relationship usually aren't happy in the relationship. And I think that really relates to confidence as well, right? Is no outside circumstance can change what's going on inside you. Not even the way you look, losing 100 pounds, getting totally shredded, getting tons of money, like all these illusions that all of us hold that once I arrive to XYZ state, then I'll be confident. Then I'll be happy. Then I'll be fulfilled. It's an illusion because outside circumstances don't create an internal state. The internal state creates the outside circumstances.

13:47 And that is, again, accepting yourself as if you chose how you are. The fourth evolutionary step is, as I referred to in the last one, which has to do with other people. When you're fully confident in yourself, a confident person won't try to bring down another person. Anytime someone's trying to bring you down, first of all, take it as a compliment. First of all, know that the tallest poppy always gets cut. Secondly, know that no person would ever try to take somebody down who is below them.

14:21 Think about that. No person would ever try to take somebody down who's below them. Why would you, just for an example, try to go insult a homeless person, right? We know that homeless people are suffering. Most of them are addicts. So it's like, why would we go rip on that person? And if you do rip on that person, that says a lot about you and your state. So when you have non-judgment of others, you've really reached a highly elevated state, haven't you? Because you're so high up in your own confidence, and it's not high up compared to others.

14:54 Once again, it's high up compared to where you were, and it's high up compared to the egoic consciousness of having to prove everybody wrong, one-up everybody, be the best guy, be the guy with the most money, the most rip, the most girls. Once you reach a level of consciousness where you're really at a high level, then it's like Mother Teresa state, right? Where you just don't judge others, and you actually have compassion for those people. And that goes into the final stage of what I feel is the evolution of confidence, which is being purely genuine, like a child again, and having deep compassion for the suffering and for the struggles of others.

15:33 So again, this is like that Jesus, Mother Teresa, Eckhart Tolle, like enlightened state. And I think it is. And I think it always does kind of go back to spirituality. Like when all things break down to their fundamental base, in my opinion, there's always a spiritual core to it. And that spiritual core is, I have compassion for others that are suffering. You guys listening, perhaps, have some suffering going on, and like I have deep compassion for it, which is why I'm always trying to push people into my free breakthrough session with me, where you can meet on a one-on-one call with me.

16:05 And a lot of people say like, man, you're so good at this, like you're so convincing. And I'm like, it's not convincing. I freaking care about you, bro. Like I really want your best results. I really want to get you across the finish line, because I can see the way there. Like I can see it completely clearly. So when I meet with these guys, you know, they're always really impressed by that genuine kind of childlike compassion that I have. And oftentimes people tell me, it's like you're a child a lot of times.

16:31 And I take that as a compliment, because I feel like confidence is a circle. Okay, first we're born with perfect self-esteem, right? When we're two years old, our egos haven't developed yet, and we're really at that perfect state of self-esteem. Then we go through these stages that I've been explaining. And then what happens is we arrive back to that childlike state, but it's with a depth that we didn't have before. And I feel that's the whole purpose of life, that you have to go through the circle.

16:56 You have to be lost first in that egoic consciousness where you care so much about what people think, where you're really freaking out if somebody insults you or gives you some hate mail. It's like eventually you don't care and you go past it where nobody's outside opinions can affect you. It reminds me of that book, like what you think of me is none of my business. It's a book title I absolutely love. You go back through it and then you come back to where you were born and like you're like a kid again.

17:25 But again, you have that deeper knowledge and then you have compassion for others. You see other people suffering as an issue that you want to help solve. And that becomes your purpose of life, which is like what my purpose of life is. Now, occasionally we can drift back and I certainly do. I personally just do admit to you guys, I kind of have a temper, especially when I'm driving, right? I'm the guy who's like, you idiot. What are you doing? You stupid idiot. I'm like, moron.

17:49 Right. But, you know, I try to be into that high level of genuine confidence as much as I can. And I'll tell you, that's what attracts women the most. When I slip back into those lower vibrating stages of confidence, that's when I struggle with women. But when I'm really genuine and I don't care about what she thinks or what she says, that's when you get the best results. So to repeat them, gentlemen, first we have from forced confidence to natural confidence. Then we have letting go of the ego, specifically comparing ourselves to others, trying to beat others, trying to one up people and really letting go of that.

18:26 And just number three, accepting who you are completely. Then we get into non-judgment of others. And then we step into our genuine self, our natural self, and we have compassion. So that's the five-step evolution of confidence for insecure introverts. Guys, if you'd like to meet with me on a one-on-one free breakthrough session where I'm going to be genuine with you and genuinely try to help you, click on the link below. It's coachmarksing.com. Fill in the quick application. You and I will get on a one-on-one call together.

18:55 Just me and you on Zoom. I'll help identify some of your issues, talk to you about how long I think it will take you to get to the results with women that you really want and see if you're a good fit for my program. It really does work. I think we have something, I dare say, pretty magical going on, especially with the NLP, neuro-linguistic programming that I do. So check it out. Come and meet on a call with me and you and I will get on that one-on-one call together.

19:19 All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. Hey, listen to this, man. I'm recording YouTube videos at the same time now that I'm doing podcast episodes. I'm going to release them in about a month. I want to get about 10 in the bucket, but bro, it didn't record on my phone. I have no idea what happened and it was pretty good. Like it was a pretty good delivery. I'm still a little bit awkward on the videos, but I was like pretty stoked with it. And I take my, uh, I'm doing it with my iPhone 13.

19:46 I take the thing down. I don't know why it like stopped halfway through. So not even halfway through, it stopped like when the, within the first freaking minute, dude, I'm so fucking pissed right now because like it was pretty good. Right. And what I do is I record first, the podcast intro, then the YouTube intro, and then I jump straight into the content and then I do the YouTube outro and then I do the podcast outro. And so after the YouTube outro, I'm like, Oh, let me check out the video.

20:11 I think I did good. And it didn't record, bro. I'm so damn pissed. I thought I did a pretty good job. It's weird, man, doing these YouTube videos. I'll let you guys know when they're launching. Basically what I'm doing is I'm taking some of the best episodes that I feel I have content wise and I think is going to help me on YouTube. And then I'm again, doing the audio and the YouTube at the same time. It is really difficult, but you know what? I tell you guys all the time to challenge yourself.

20:39 I tell you guys all the time to move into your fears willingly. I didn't want to get on video. I just didn't. So I was like, yo, that's exactly what I have to do. So I'm doing it. I'm sucking it up. Don't like the way I look as probably a lot of you guys wouldn't like the way you look, but just like I talked about, man, it's like I accept myself as if I chose the way I look. My long face, my long nose, my wrinkles coming in is what it is, man.

21:02 Like I love them because they're me. They represent all the struggle I've been through, all the perseverance that I've shown in my life. And so I love it, you know, accept it as if you chose it, send love to it. Have you ever thought about that? Like you have some fat role that you hate and you fight all the time and you're like, get off of me, you idiot. Have you ever tried to send it love before and say, hey man, you're welcome here. What's interesting is when you do that, there's different ways that it transmutes either by you accepting it, which is all you need, or somehow it starts going away.

21:34 It's really weird. When you accept it, it starts going away. Now, I'm not saying to give up. I'm not saying to stop working out, but accept it in the present moment because it's there right now, isn't it? There's nothing you can do at this very present moment. So accept it right now and send love to it and stop resisting it. You can still make moves to move past it, but in the present moment, the only thing you can do is accept it. That's what surrender is, which is spoken about by many spiritual gurus, including Eckhart Tolle, which definitely warrants its own podcast episode.

22:06 But at least I got a good podcast episode out of this. Maybe I'll try to do the video again later. That really launched a 50-foot rope of diarrhea right down my river. But you know what? That's why people don't freaking do things is because mistakes are going to happen. Hassles are going to come. You just got to suck it up, be a fucking man, record it again, which I'll probably just do tomorrow and knock it out, dude. That's what you got to do as an unapologetic man.

22:31 Do appreciate you listening, gentlemen. I draw podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, so stay tuned for the next one, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.