The critical mistake most guys make with women & life

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, money, women, and being a fucking man without making any apologies for it. I'm your host, John Anthony. And I'm Mark Sing. And today, we're going to be talking about why you shouldn't draw validation from women. So Mark and I were talking, and this is going to be kind of a very broad set of topics that we talk about today, because validation and your purpose, all this stuff kind of ties in together.

0:34 And Mark and I were talking, and it was funny because for a long time, I didn't have any money, and I didn't have any women in my life that were really attracted to me. When I was a kid, I just never really got a lot of pussy, never really had super rich parents that just gave me stuff or anything. And for a long time, that was what motivated me. And these past few months, I've just really had to reconsider what motivated me and where I drew my sense of purpose and identity and validation from, because I've already had all those things for a while now.

1:10 So first things first, I also went through a breakup recently, and that's had to force me to recenter on my purpose as a man. And I think that we talked about breakups last time, and breakups are a tremendous opportunity to learn. So with that being said, I guess let's kind of go into it. So first things first, you never want to derive your sense of validation really from anyone else. I mean, you know, the reason why we say a woman is because that's where guys tend to get it from the most, but you shouldn't do it from anyone.

1:44 But you know, especially a woman, because when you get into a relationship with a woman, your lives become entangled. And oftentimes that can be a really great and beautiful thing. But a lot of times too, it can cause a fuck ton of internal psychological problems. And so you have to always be on guard and just always be asking yourself, like, am I dependent on this girl's approval? Or can I be who I am? And you know, as you go through your life, you're going to have to re-center yourself and you know, repeatedly ask yourself that question.

2:15 And it's not going to be easy. I mean, you know, you'll go through these landmarks like Mark and I have gone through where, you know, if you're growing at a very fast rate, you're going to undergo such rapid identity change that, you know, every like year or two, you're going to feel like a completely different person. And so what I found, at least for me, is that a lot of time, you know, lately, I haven't been as motivated by money or by women, anything external, because I already have those things.

2:44 So what I've been doing is, you know, just really trying to get in touch with my emotions and who I am. And rather than working from a place of, you know, desire for money, working from a place of giving and engaging with women and people from a place of giving. So, you know, I've noticed that as I've evolved as a person and as you guys go through this too, your desire or not your desire, your purpose and your driving factor for doing things is going to change from, you know, what can I get to what can I give?

3:17 I mean, like in all honesty, and I'm sure you'll agree, Mark, like that's where I get a lot of my fulfillment from nowadays is like, you know, when I put out a really great program or when I help people, you know, when I coach people to make a great change in their financial situation, when I coach people to really get their shit together, that's what motivates me. Like, that's what I like, you know? You know, and the important thing is that you're on your purpose because many people go through, they want external validation and many people see that in the form of money.

3:47 If I get the money, if I show off the money, if I get the BMW M3 and the nice clothes and the nice watch, then I'll get the validation that I'm looking for. And I've worked with people, I've done a lot of internet marketing, consulting, and a lot of copywriting for, you know, really big clients. And a lot of those people are absolutely miserable because once they get the money, they realize that they don't have any purpose behind it. And many times they get their money by gouging other people, by selling crap products, by selling products that they don't believe in, just because the niche and the market is calling for it.

4:19 Like some crap weight loss product, I've written copy for, you know, tons of different stuff like that. And I think when you arrived, John, to this realization that you're not getting any kind of validation from the money, you're not getting any kind of validation from the women, women, but you are getting validation from the fact that you're on your purpose, that is extremely important. That's critical because I arrived to the same conclusion. Our purpose, I think we share the same purpose, and it's the purpose of this podcast, is to help men become the best versions of themselves in health and wealth with women.

4:51 Just like the beginning of our podcast says, you know, we're all about self-improvement. So the fact that the money has come for you, as it has for me, the fact that we have women in our lives, those things like they, they eventually they just kind of burn out. And it's like, it's like chewing on a candy where the candy that you can't even taste it anymore. Cause it's like a gobstopper, right? You like chew on it. At first, it's really sweet and delicious. And then eventually it just kind of numbs your mouth and you don't taste it anymore.

5:21 But what's left is your internal purpose. And I believe for me particularly, and I know you agree with this, but helping others, especially helping men, lending out a helping hand, doing something benevolent or philanthropy is the answer. Acting in love, right? I mean, it sounds really gay and feminine, but, um, acting in love. And when I do my coaching calls with my clients, it's, it's like from a place of true compassion. And I dare say even love, because that's my purpose is to help these guys out.

5:52 So, uh, John and I were talking before the call and you know, he's, he's kind of experienced this quote unquote ego death and he's been playing the guitar and, and, and taking some time off and really having this realization that, um, anything outside yourself will never ever validate you. Validation has to come from within. And I had a huge epiphany when it came to women because for years, man, I was so dependent on the good reaction of women where I'd be driving home from the club and reviewing all the quote unquote wins that I got.

6:25 Winning is like when she checks you out or she's trying to get your number or she's trying to kiss you, whatever it is. I would just like dwell on that and be like, well, last week, you know, I had 15 wins, but this time I had probably like 25 so I can feel good about myself. Or this time I only had 10. So I kind of feel like shit. And it was only recently, uh, literally maybe a year ago, I was walking around in the bar and I was like, wow, I finally arrived to the place where I don't give a shit how much I'm winning, how much success I'm getting.

6:58 I just feel good because it's from within. I feel good because I want to feel good. And I feel good because I'm on my purpose. And I think when you, when you're a validation leech and you're just trying to get validation from all these outside sources, it's inevitably and invariably going to lead to disappointment. Yeah. Um, and you know, this is one of the talks that Mark and I are probably a little bit hesitant to put out there because, you know, like when someone's just getting started in online marketing or like when they're just getting started with, you know, women and they've had a lifetime of financial, uh, you know, just disparity and, uh, loneliness.

7:33 It's like, this isn't what they need to hear, you know, this is, this isn't like, you know, what they need to hear is like, get out there and fucking hustle. But you will come to a point guys where you realize that, you know, ultimately the stuff that makes you happy, uh, isn't the stuff that's really, you know, external and physical. Right. So, um, there's actually two moments that, that come to mind and that kind of illustrate this point. And the first was, um, when I, when I first launched body of an alpha, my fitness program, um, this was when I was probably about, I think 20 years old, 20 or 21.

8:06 Um, so, you know, I was making some good money, but I was still kind of getting into the swing of things and, and trying to really, you know, I was new to internet marketing and, uh, you know, the first day that I launched it, I worked really hard and I launched it and I made, I think $2,000 in a single day, which at the time for me was just like, Holy shit. I mean, I was like 20, 20 or 21 at the time I was, you know, freaking out. And, um, you know, every 10 seconds I would check my PayPal account, my, my payment processors to see if I got another sale.

8:40 And I remember going out to a club with my friends and they were all having fun and just dancing and just talking. And I couldn't get my mind off of the fucking money that I made that day. It was like, no matter how much fun everyone else was having, I couldn't stop like getting that urge to look at my phone and see like, did I get another sale? Did I get another sale? And that's when I kind of realized like it, I've been chasing this thing, which is good to have, right?

9:09 It's like when you don't have money, it sucks. So you still want to have some, but that's when I realized like I've been chasing this thing and it's like, it's never going to be enough. If that's your mindset, if you think that money is going to bring you happiness, you're going to miss all the things that actually will give you happiness. You know, it's like the classic example of, you know, a high ranking executive who works, you know, his whole life and misses like his son's baseball games and stuff because he thinks, Oh, it's money, money, money, we need money, you know?

9:37 And in reality, it's like, no dude, like, you know, watching your kid grow up or like making really close relationships with people and like being on your purpose. That's what's going to make you happy. And then the second example that, uh, that comes to mind is actually recently. It's, uh, when Mark and I, we did a big, uh, prelaunch for Bitcoin millionaire. And then that's our biggest course today that we've both worked on. And, um, and, uh, you know, we worked really hard. Mark wrote, wrote all the sales stuff for it.

10:01 And I made the course and, and set everything up. And, um, the day that we launched it, I think we made, I think like, uh, between five and probably $10,000 within an hour. Right. So like, you know, 15 minutes, I thought it was. Yeah. I mean, probably even, even shorter. There was some, some stragglers after we reopened it, but, um, you know, I mean, yeah, it was like thousands of dollars and just, you know, uh, not even, uh, a quarter of an hour. And, um, that was just like such a big epiphany for me because I realized like what's possible first of all, but also I just realized like, okay, so like I just made a shit ton of money.

10:41 I just made in, you know, 15 minutes more than most people make in like, you know, a week or like a month for a lot of people. Like, is this going to get me happy? And so I just started like really getting in touch with who I am and like getting back to my purpose and realizing like, you know, okay. Yeah. Like I remember this, this kid, this kid, John, who like, you know, he enjoyed music and he liked, you know, reading great literature and like you, you have to get in touch with those things that, that really gave you enjoyment as a kid.

11:11 And a lot of the time, you know, that's what happens is you have your, your kid personality who's just, you know, doesn't have any concerns, doesn't want that much, just wants to have fun, you know? And then as you get older, you develop these, uh, you know, personas where it's like, get money, get bitches, get all this different social status and ego stuff. And then, um, you know, once you go through that as a phase, it's important because it does serve a purpose. It serves the purpose of getting you resources and getting your shit handled.

11:35 But you know, every mindset has a purpose and you shouldn't let it outlive its purpose. Right. I think the next logical mindset after that whole trendy, you know, Gary V like hustle fucking dah, dah, dah. And I love Gary V he's awesome. But you know, after that, like early to mid twenties mindset of like bitches and money, it's like, you have to ask yourself what's next. And for most guys to be fulfilled, what's next is doing something that you're passionate about and that you love. And that has a positive impact in the world.

12:06 And it sounds so fucking cheesy as I'm saying this, but it's so true. Yeah. And you know, for, for a lot of guys who are starting out, especially with women, um, I think that having that external validation from women is actually a good motivator, but really what we want to communicate is that eventually you'll arrive to a point where that no longer does it for you. Right. You never, you no longer get fulfillment from that. 200 girls want to sleep with you in one night. It's like, uh, whatever.

12:31 It's just not going to fulfill you. And, and the thing about progressing is that when you come up against an obstacle that you feel resistance towards, that you might feel some negativity towards in your life, such as the obstacle that John recently reached. And I, you know, myself as well, um, get excited because you're about to grow. Growth doesn't happen without some discomfort and you got to challenge yourself, move into your fear. And with the validation of women, I think it's a great motivator initially because a lot of guys who listen to this podcast just are not good with women at all, have almost never had a good interaction with a woman.

13:09 So to, to keep the motivation of a girl, you know, biting her lip, as I, as I say in my sales copy, biting her lip and flipping her hair as she runs her, her arm, her hand down your arm and inches closer to you as she looks up in your eyes and flicks her eyes back and forth between your eyes, letting you know that she wants to kiss you. That feels fucking amazing. And I'm not trying to tell you, it doesn't, it does even for me still to this day.

13:36 But eventually, of course, it's not going to be that big of a deal. And it's not, it's not going to be able to make you happy. It's just the serotonin hit, you know, you get enough of those hits. It's just not going to have the same effect on you. But initially, um, I actually think it's okay to use that as motivation to get better. So you can get that part of your life solved once and for all. And so you can arrive to the place where you're not dependent on anymore because being able to do it without being dependent on it is kind of like the ultimate state, right?

14:07 Because then nothing has power over you. Like the Tao Te Ching says, care about people's opinion and you become their slave. So when you care about the opinion of women, when you care about the people, the opinion of all these idiots out in society and you have to get a nice car and nice suits to try to impress them, you're their slave. And so internal validation is really the final milestone and the final goal. And I'm not there yet. I mean, I really, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not going to tell you I am.

14:36 I've gotten much closer. I think I'm way closer, especially with women, because for me, I just had like you, John, I didn't get laid when I was until I was 21. I was horrible with women. My first girlfriend cheated on me. I heard them having sex through the dorm room door. You know, I had no idea what I did wrong. So for me, and my girlfriend says this all the time, she's like, Mark, the reason why you love like attracting women is because it's power for you.

15:04 And I was like, holy shit, like you're probably right. You know, cause I had, you know, I got absolutely crucified by my first love. There I was on the corner of my bed crying in the cannonball position because of what she did to me. So I made it my mission to get good with women and you know, I'm good with women now. And it eventually has gotten to the point where I don't have to have that power over them anymore. I don't have to have their validation.

15:31 It still feels pretty good, but to me, it feels good from like a tactical aspect because I, you know, I negotiated all the hurdles and speed bumps to get her attracted to me when initially she wasn't. So going back to what I was originally saying is I think it's good to be motivated by the ego. If you can control the ego and know what you're doing with the ego, like knowing that, okay, getting this money, I kind of want to prove something, but you know, I think you have to go through through experience first before you can transcend the experience.

16:03 If that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I like, um, you brought a lot of good stuff up, Mark. So, uh, I think that in self development, there's this really common recurring theme, which is bouncing back and forth between the same paradigms, but on a different level. And so I see that happening as, as we're talking about this. It's like when you first, you know, start off as a kid and I mean like a young kid, like, you know, before you hit puberty, you just like want to have fucking fun.

16:31 You're like into, you know, biology for me, it was like, I really liked science and math and like, you know, uh, like exploring and exploration. Like, uh, you know, I liked checking out the fucking bugs and like animals outside and shit and music. And like, you start off with this sort of like lack of ego. And then as you get into puberty and into your early twenties, you get this sort of, you know, testosterone raging through your system and you become this like caricature where it's just like, get money, get bitches.

17:03 And like Mark is saying, that's really important when you're first starting out. And it is because it serves a purpose. It serves the purpose of, you know, when you're that age, you don't have any resources. You don't have any skillsets. You're still fucking learning. You don't have shit. So, you know, wanting it and, and placing so much importance on it is what forces you to go get it right. Like it serves a fucking purpose. Um, but then again, as you age and progress, you'll go back, you know, into that similar childlike ego, this state where it's like, you still now, you know, you've reaped the rewards of having that egoic attachment to money and girls and assess, you know, status and success.

17:41 But you have the resources from that. You have the skillset from that, but you've learned to move on and ultimately become engaged with life, but not attached to life. And I think that's like the ultimate, you just like killer mindset. And that's how, you know, anyone is operating at a high level when they have, uh, you know, they're engaged with whatever it is they're doing, you know, say with a girl, for example, like, you know, when you're in the zone, like we've, you know, if you go out, you felt that, I know that you felt that Mark, we've all felt it when you go out and it's like, you're engaging with her, but you're not attached.

18:19 It's like, you just, you feel the chemistry and she can sense that you don't need her because you're happy on your own. And it just draws her in even more. Like that's, that's literally like living life on a cheat code on my God mode with a cheat code is like when you fucking are engaged with life, but you're not attached. Like that's, that's the ultimate mindset to, to ultimately come back to. And again, like we've said, you know, each stage serves its fucking purpose. Like when you're in your early twenties or, you know, in your late teens and you're just like, man, I want to like fuck girls and get money.

18:50 Like that serves the purpose of allowing you to get that drive and get that, you know, leverage on yourself and go get those things. But ultimately you have to move on and become attached or sorry, engaged, but not attached. When I first teach men how to attract women, I always say to them, don't be outcome dependent. Don't be outcome dependent. Don't be out. That's exactly what this means. Now, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, but not being outcome dependent is exactly as you so eloquently put, which is to be, what was it?

19:20 Engaged, but not attached. Yeah. And so, and again, it, this only happened to me literally recently. I've been teaching guys how to get girls for, um, almost 10 years now for a very long time, but only recently has it been where I actually go speak to a girl and I literally do not fucking care what happens. Whereas before it's like, I was kind of dependent on her reaction to me and I was dependent on a good reaction. And then the woman can feel that women are very, very, very intuitive about these energies.

19:49 So when you literally don't give a shit and you're not trying to leech value from her, you're not trying to get validation to make you feel good looking or funny or strong or have a good body or anything like that, then she can feel that coming from your bones. And that's what really gets the attraction. So again, it's kind of one of those ironic truths of life, which we always seem to come back to on this podcast, which is when you don't need it, that's when you get it.

20:17 And it's like air blowing past your hand. If you try to grab that air, you're going to, it's going to elude you. It's just going to go around your hand. But if you open it, let go, don't give a shit, then it comes to you. And when it comes to internal validation, right? So a lot of guys that go to the bar and their entire kind of self-esteem and confidence is based on the reaction that they get from women. That's fine. We've all been there. Don't beat yourself up about it.

20:47 It is what it is. But when you're in that state, you're, you're thrown to and fro so easily by the outside circumstances of your life. And that's extremely unattractive to women. Look at people who get angry all the time, or people who are like complaining or emotional. What's happening there is life is throwing them to and fro, right? They're off their, what I call their inner balance point. They're, something comes in, they get angry and their anger is an attempt to get themselves back on balance.

21:15 But if you're angry and you're reactive to life and to women, that's extremely unattractive because it's showing that you don't have a entered centeredness. It's showing that your validation doesn't come from within, but indeed it comes from outside sources. And it shows that life can just push you around so easily. And that's, that's also validation leaching because outside circumstances are dictating your internal state. So essentially your state needs to come from within. And before this podcast is over, I want to give them some real techniques they can use to actually get into a good state and some, some positive mental thought patterns where they're not so dependent on what girls say to them.

22:00 Instead, they're dependent on what they say to themselves. But I think that's a really important concept is this concept of being reactive and being thrown to and fro by the circumstances of life. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, I really liked that you said that because we do want to give some practical advice. So, uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that I tend to be like a big picture, abstract kind of guy and you tend to be a very like pragmatic, like methodical type guy.

22:29 Yeah. So I think, I think it works really well together. Yeah. That's true. Um, I like to give, cause dude, like anytime I listen to programs or podcasts, it pisses me off when they just, they don't give you like any techniques or any ways to do it. Like how, okay. You're explaining why, exactly. You're explaining why you're explaining what, but you're not telling me how. And I'm always, I'm always trying to throw hows out there. I'm always trying to throw like techniques into the mix that these guys can go and like actually use instead of just going, which is fine.

22:56 You know, they turn off the podcast. They say, ah, that was interesting. You know, I get it. And there is some subconscious learning that takes place when you listen to a podcast like this, that's very, you know, abstract and kind of 10,000 foot perspective. But like, I really like to give techniques cause that's like the, the meat in my opinion and where the real progress takes place. Yeah. I mean the real progress takes place from action and like a lot of the time you can, it's funny cause like you can hear these incredible mindsets and concepts, but until you actually go through the hard action taking process, which can take years, it's like, it doesn't even, you don't even get it, you know?

23:33 Yeah. So yeah, I mean, let's, let's give them some practical action steps. So first off, what I would say is just meditate like that. I feel like we've beaten that to damn it. You stole that from me, you fucker. We've beaten that horse to death and we continue to beat it, but I'm literally just meditate. And you know, if you don't know how there's a guide on my blog, basically all you do is you just sit and you don't get attached to your thoughts, right? That will begin the process of ego death.

23:56 So when a thought comes into your head, you don't engage with it. You don't follow it. You don't react over it. You don't, you know, if something comes into your head about like, oh, you know, I wonder what Stacy thinks of me, right? Most guys would kind of follow that and then think and be like, oh, well, I did this thing today. And then she, she probably thought that was stupid. And then, oh, she's probably fucking this other guy and all this different shit. Like just literally let the thought come into your head and observe it.

24:23 So the thought comes in your head, you know, I wonder what Stacy thinks about me and then just be present and don't follow it. Just observe the fact that these thoughts are coming into your head and that will begin the process of detaching you from your mind. Second is literally if, uh, if you're just getting into this, if you're just getting into making money and, you know, getting better with women and getting success, uh, stop listening and go out and take fucking action. Okay. Like year one, like the entire first year of everything you need to know in this whole success game is just take fucking action.

24:54 Like start a website, learn about affiliate marketing, learn some high income skills, learn how to write sales copy, uh, you know, fucking go out, get rejected, do it again, get rejected more, do it again, keep a pickup journal, uh, like go out and actually fucking do shit. Mm-hmm. Uh, yeah. On the, on the, I was just waiting to see if you were done on the, on the topic of meditation. So what, what John said was absolutely excellent, right? Don't get swept down the river of thoughts, which is so easy to do.

25:24 I'll sit down. I usually sit down for 30 to 40 minutes a day, sometimes 20, but I usually don't get into the really good state until about 20 minutes because the first 20 minutes is me quote unquote fighting these river of thoughts. You just get swept down it. And it's like, you've been thinking for five minutes. You didn't even realize you were thinking, but what, what you want to do is just let them go. They come in and you say, Hey, I see you there, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to engage with you.

25:50 Goodbye. You let them go. And one meditation that I do, which is a really good way to get this internal validation and to feel good without needing anything external from yourself is what I call feeling the inner energy field of my body. And I use a qigong technique where you, when you breathe in, it's almost like you're breathing the qi in through your skin of the universe. So it's like you're breathing through your whole body. You take that in and then you exhale very slowly. And you can even imagine like smoke coming out of your mouth or, or, um, smoke coming out of your pores, getting rid of all the negative stuff.

26:26 And while I'm doing this, I'm feeling my inner energy field. Can you feel the energy in your hands? Can you feel the energy in your feet? Can you feel your heart and your entire body? Well, when you sit there for long enough and you just focus on it, you'll feel like kind of like a little hum going on or a tingling sensation in your body. And first you can feel it in your fingers and then your, your hands and your arms and then your feet, and then you can bring it into your whole body.

26:55 And when you sit with that, it's almost like you're cultivating your inner energy field and you're present with it. You're just sitting there feeling it. And you think that that wouldn't be entertaining enough to keep you sitting there for 40 minutes, but it brings you into a state that I've never done drugs. So I can't attest to what feels amazing as far as drugs are concerned. But I think that the states that I've reached through meditation are even better than doing like ecstasy. Cause I've been in some states that I can only explain as like pure bliss, no thoughts whatsoever, just fucking bliss.

27:27 And you know, I've been meditating for, I think, 12 years now. And it takes, it takes a little while to get there. But even when I first started meditating, um, they call it the art uncarved block that you're, you're like fresh mind, the beginner's mind, and you can get into some pretty ridiculous states and just feel amazing, you know, just feel that grace. And so when I'm out at the club, I can immediately connect to my inner energy field. And this is a concept taught by Eckhart Tolle, who John and I are both humongous fans of.

28:02 Um, I had the chance to see him a couple months ago and his gaze, this is going to sound when he walked down on the stage. I, I burst into tears because like, I was so moved just by him. And I know that sounds totally stupid, but, um, I wasn't like wailing or anything. I was just like, tears came down my face and I was like, Holy shit, man. Like this guy is a living enlightened master. In my opinion, it was so amazing to see him live, just the presence and energy that he brought into that room, uh, was absolutely amazing.

28:31 So that's a technique taught by Eckhart Tolle and it's to feel your inner energy field. So when I'm at the bar, we've told you this before in different podcasts that women, it doesn't matter so much what you say. It's the state that you bring to them. It's the law of state transference that if you feel good and you feel this humming vibration in your body, and it just feels like ecstasy. Well, when you go talk to her, you can say anything at all. And she's going to want to talk to you because simply of how you feel.

28:58 And even if the interaction goes bad, even if every single interaction goes bad that entire night, well, it doesn't fucking matter because your validation comes from within. And one of the methods of doing that again, is to learn how to meditate, learn how to get connected with this internal energy field that we all have inside of us and be able to connect in with that at, at the drop of a hat. You feel really good. You bring that to women and then they feel good too.

29:26 Now there's also some internal thoughts that we want to go over, but John, I wanted to give you the chance to drop in on that, uh, before I go into those. Yeah. Yeah. So on the technique side of things, another thing that I like to use sometimes, uh, I find it's really helpful for beginners, especially is a binaural beats when you're meditating. So I used to use life flow on the idea is that, you know, when you meditate, there's different states of consciousness and, uh, different frequencies that you can enter into with your brainwaves.

29:52 And most people spend their, their waking lives in a beta state, which is very anxious and high sort of just, just, you know, uh, not really high energy in a good way, but a high energy in the term that you're like wound up very anxious. And, uh, what binaural beats can do is if you listen to them while you're meditating, they can speed up the process of getting down to like a delta state where you're just at peace and everything's perfect and you have less thoughts and you feel relaxed.

30:18 So that's one thing that I I'd recommend beginners do is use binaural beats. Uh, you can pay for something like life flow, which is like a premium service, or you can just find them for free online, but I'm sure there's like a lot of stupid shit that doesn't work if it's free. But yeah. Um, another might be, uh, literally just keeping a journal, like writing down your thoughts, like, you know, what do you accomplish that day and where you want to be in five years, like gaining perspective.

30:43 Cause you know, when you gain perspective and you do these exercises by, you know, keeping a daily journal and, and setting long-term goals, uh, you'll like realize whether or not you're actually doing the things on a day by day basis that you want to, you know, end up, uh, having in, in five years. And, uh, lastly, another exercise that's good is, uh, uh, imagine that you just died and that your funeral is being hosted. What would you want them to say about you? And that's a pretty good guideline to sort of, uh, you know, realize what you find meaningful in life, right?

31:17 Cause even like the most hardcore hustler, isn't going to be imagining them like at, at his funeral being like, you know, John was a really good guy because he just fucked a lot of hoes and made a bunch of money. Like, you know, you don't, you don't want that shit. Like you might want to, you know, have it as like a side thing that you pursue, but you know, you'll want them to talk about how you gave and like the different people that you loved and like the things you did to change the world.

31:43 So that's a good exercise to do too, is just imagine what you want your funeral to be like. And I will very quickly strip away a lot of the bullshits. My funeral is going to be a big mosh pit. They're going to play some, they're going to play Pennywise date with destiny. Yeah. You're listening to Pennywise. No. Oh, it's like, did you live like a dream come true? Did you just survive? Did you do all you could do? It's so sick, dude. It's like my favorite song.

32:11 My, I told my brother, I'm like, you better play that and you better fucking have a mosh pit represent my shit. Um, one other thing I wanted to say is, um, one good song to listen to is called ultimate Ohm. Oh M ultimate Ohm by Jonathan Goldman. And you can find that on YouTube. I meditate to that recently. I've been meditating to that every day, uh, probably for the past year because it just, I love it so much. And everybody I suggested to really, really likes it.

32:39 It's called ultimate Ohm. Jonathan Goldman. Again, you can find it on YouTube. It's like a black and gold, um, from a black and gold album cover, but that's really good. And it gets you, it gets your, your brainwaves. I think it's called into alpha and, and it helps you get into these deep States. And I'll tell you, we're going to do a podcast about meditation, but I've had some amazing experiences where I don't even feel it's really hard to explain meditation experiences, but it's almost like, I feel like I'm not centered in my body anymore, but my body is expanding both downward and upward at the same time.

33:12 And I'm bigger than the universe itself. And I can't, you know how, like you have your centered point of consciousness is like at your eyes, right? Where you're like looking through your eyes. I've had it where I feel like it's shooting upward and downward at the same time. And it's like, like, I can't explain it. You know, meditation, your spine. No, just like into the fucking infinity, infinity that way and infinity that way. And I can't get back into, into center, but instead I'm expanding and then it stops and there's just pure fucking silence and stillness.

33:49 I think the voice of God is silence. Um, that's what some spiritual master said. And then I just get in this state of just pure bliss. Like I can't even explain it, but I, I have that happen to me sometimes. And many times it'll feel like I'm like upside down. Like my, I don't know, my perspective will shift where it feels like I'm like floating upward to the side. And then it feels like my left hand has disappeared. It's just some weird shit happens when you meditate.

34:21 But, um, I feel, I feel like I could get into that state so easily. And you know, when I, when I talk to women, I just access that state. Now, another way to access a good state like that is to get really fired up with your friends. I just mentioned, they're going to have a goddamn mosh pit at my funeral because that kind of energy is good too. Now, what you do is when you're in the club, you just want to dance, have fun, even sing with your friends.

34:47 It opens up your voice box. It gives you a good vibe. You don't want to go up to a girl as spazzy. Although sometimes it can work, especially if she's being spazzy, but it just, you get this, like, you get this good vibe going. You can just like rough house with your friends, even start a little mosh pit. Like I was just talking about. And then right when that's done, you're vibrating, right? You have this good feeling inside of you. It's like, you just caught a fish or you just hit a home run or you just, whatever, want off a girl.

35:10 So when you go over to that girl, it's going to open way more likely than if you go over there after you've been sitting there going, I feel like shit, but I got to talk to a girl. Okay, here I go. You're probably going to get rejected if you go up to a girl in that state. But when you get the good feelings going, the good vibes, the flow, as we call it, it's really going to open that way. And again, does it matter if it opens to you?

35:37 No, because you already feel good. It doesn't fucking matter. So you're outcome independent. You're not even depending on her to give you validation. You don't give a shit. The validation comes from within. And that's really what this podcast is about. It's getting the validation from within, because I'll tell you, you have a gold mine within yourself. You have a treasure deep in there and it takes meditation and it takes a conscious effort to get to it. But once you access it, you can really let go of outcome because you don't give a fuck about outside circumstances or anybody's opinion of you.

36:08 Yeah. And it, like we were saying, it becomes a game. It's like things outside of you. It's like, it's like you're just playing a game. Like it's fun to play, uh, you know, and you engage with it, but you just don't really care too much. Like what outcome you get as long as you're just engaged. Right. Right. Absolutely. And I wanted to say that, um, money women, it's like a child's toy, right? A child will have a toy and he's really, really selfish with it. Like his Tonka truck.

36:33 He won't let any other kid borrow it. It's his means to happiness. He won't go to bed without it. But then eventually he turns five years old and he's like, eh, whatever. I can put this thing down. I still appreciate it, but I'm not so dependent on anymore. And I think eventually that's where all of us arrive to where you can put it down like a child's toy, but it's a game. So then you think to yourself and John and I had this exact conversation before we started this episode.

37:00 Well, if it's a, if it doesn't matter anymore, you can just put it down. Then why go after it? Well, the reason you go after is because it's fun because it's like a mountain. Why do you climb a mountain? You don't climb a mountain, get to the top, climb a mountain for the journey. Right. Um, you know, like I built, I built a wiki up. I don't know if you guys know what a wiki up is. It's like a, um, it's kind of like a teepee and I built it out in the woods and it was 50 hours of work and I worked my ass off and I'm really into bushcraft and, um, wilderness survival and outdoorsman skills.

37:30 So I built a fucking wiki up and people ask me like, why'd you put all that hard work into it? And I'm like, cause it's just the process, man. It was just the process of feeling like a pioneer or a native American and learning how to build this, this shelter. It's got two beds in it. The beds are lifted. It's got leaves on it. It's like a foam mattress, a fire in the middle. Things baller, man. Things fucking totally baller. It's totally hidden. Um, a couple of miles into the national forest.

37:58 But anyway, when you do those things, it's not about finishing the wiki up. It was about building it. It was about the process. So making money, getting girls, I don't give a shit really like how many girls want to fuck me. I just love to approach them because it's a game for me and it's something I can let go at any time because internally I'm satisfied with, um, my life. You know, I feel like I could probably, I don't know if I'm in there yet, but I, sometimes I like to watch jail shows and like solitary confinement.

38:29 I'm like, I think I might be able to handle that at least for a little while. Cause I can meditate and get into these amazing states. I probably don't want to say that publicly because who knows what the hell could happen. But, um, you know what I'm saying? Like sometimes I feel like, man, I can let all this shit go. I could just walk away from it and just go meditate every day and be a monk. I don't know. Have you ever thought, have you ever had that feeling?

38:51 I have. Yeah. I mean, I feel like, I don't know. Yeah. I've, I've had it. I just, I mean, I would want to, um, I thought about doing like a 14 day meditation retreat or something like, like they have those silent retreats where you can't say anything and you just meditate for like two weeks. Yeah. Let's do it. Um, I'm fucking down, dude. Let's do it. Let's do a silent podcast in our, 14, 14, 14 days of continuous streaming. Just clicking like, like, like, uh, what's that? What's that code?

39:17 No, Morse code. Yeah. Morse code. It's like Morse code with our, with our mouse clicks. Welcome to the unapologetic man podcast. Yeah. The only podcast. Oh, don't tell me you know Morse code too. I actually just might. I actually don't know. I'm full of shit. Um, I liked how you said that, uh, it's a game though. Cause like the thought that came through my head when you said that is in order to play the game, you need to know the rules. And, uh, most people don't know the fucking rules, dude.

39:46 And most people like, you know, they don't know that there's certain causes and effects. Like they don't know that, Oh, like if you do these certain things consistently, you'll get money or you'll get women attracted to you. It's like most people aren't even playing the game because they don't know that it's, there's rules in the first place, you know? So that's part of what we try to teach is like learning the fucking rules, like learning that, you know, if you do certain things, you can probably get more money.

40:07 If you do certain things, you'll be more attractive. So that's the sign of a true master is that he knows all the rules. And because he knows all the rules, he's just kind of like amusedly playing the game, like a chess master toys with like a, a child or something like that's, that's the grand master playing at life. Damn bro. Yeah, dude. I just like, just pop the circuit right there. I just, you, I just hyper extended my anus, dude. I was told, cause I'm like, relax, dude.

40:34 Don't hyper extend your ponytail. Don't hyper extend your anus, dude. You're getting, you're getting a little fired up. Okay. So I wanted to talk about two affirmations. Um, we talk about getting into a good state. Well, if you're starting out in a state where you have negative thoughts about yourself, any whatsoever, you need to throw that shit out yesterday. Any negative thoughts about yourself, man, get rid of that and replace it with positive thoughts. And one concept I want to teach you guys is the concept of, I am, I am has been scientifically proven to be one of the most powerful statements when it comes to the law of attraction and rebuilding your subconscious mind to reflect thoughts that you want to instill inside yourself.

41:19 So for example, I am a champion. I am a girl magnet. I am a money magnet. I am a sex machine. I am funny. I am whatever it is that you want to be. Anytime you have a negative thought, you have to stop that negative thought and replace it with positive thought that begins with the statement. I am. Once you do that for enough time, then again, you get a sense of internal violate, uh, violation, validation, because you start to believe that you are a champion and really it only matters if you're a champion.

41:51 I don't know about you, John, but one of the reasons I love to work out is a, because it's a game. I love to Jack weight and try to increase my, increase my, you know, weight goals, but also just because I like the way I look in the mirror and it makes me feel good about myself. It's like having a nice car, a nice suit, you know, I could let it go and, and not be so attached to it. But life is a game and life is, in my opinion, it, we're here to become the best version of ourselves.

42:23 We're here to create, we're here to grow. And in doing that, if, if I'm going to try to increase my body, I'm going to try to increase my wealth, I'm going to try and increase everything, but also when it comes to internal state, specifically as it relates to women and their validation of you, when you speak to yourself positively with these affirming statements, like I am a champion, that is extremely powerful. And then you can go up to a girl and she says, you're a loser.

42:51 It doesn't even have any reality for you because you're so convinced that you're a champion and you feel so good because you feel like a champion that you're no longer dependent or leeching her validation. Yeah, that's so true. Like ultimately it just comes down to what you think of yourself because if you, you know, it's like, it's always about the frame you approach things from. Like if you think that you're not worthy of her attention, then you're not, you're going to act like you're not worthy of her attention.

43:18 But if you feel great and you approach the interaction with like, how can I make her mood better? She can feel it and sense it. Anyone can feel it and sense it. It's like, and people, people want to be around those people. Like that's what charisma is. It's just people that make you feel better after you talk to them than you felt before. And that's because they either consciously or subconsciously approach an interaction with the frame of what can I add to this person's day? Like how can I make your day better?

43:42 You know, I love that dude. How can I make her feel better? Yeah, bro. I've never thought that before. That's amazing. Seriously. Yeah. You never thought it really? I'm just a, I'm a, I'm a beginner. I'm just an imposter. How can I make her feel better? Shut it down. Shut the podcast. Yeah. Shit. He's revealed as a fake. Uh, no, that's, that's good. And how can I make her feel better? It's always like, I guess I always went into it with like, how could I put my good feelings onto her?

44:12 So she likes me. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's true. But it's both. Cause when you do that, they'll like you, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So it works that way, but that's what charisma is. Charisma is, uh, leaving other people feeling better because of having met you. Yeah. Yeah. That's charisma. You want to have charisma. I always, I always tell my students drop charisma bombs on her brother, drop all kinds of charisma bombs. Cause that's going to make her like you for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so true.

44:38 And people, it's so funny. People think you need money, uh, like to get girls. And I mean, you know, it helps, but the thing is like, dude, honestly, I think that money, the only real way that money helps getting girls is in like being able to afford fun stuff to do, you know, like that's it. Cause like, you know, like going to fun events and like fun, like shows and having like fun parties and fun stuff. Like that's the only way it helps. Like even, even so it's like, dude, 90% of it is just like making her feel good.

45:04 Like you, you're not leeching from her. You're like not approaching the interaction. Like can, hello girl, can you, can you validate me and make me feel good as a man? You're like, no, you're like, you're, you got your shit handled and you're just playing the game. You're just like approaching her and like, Hey, how can I add value? What's up? How are you doing? Like just, you know, be nice, be fucking friendly, add value, add, add good emotions to the interaction. That's all it is. One of the big reasons my girlfriend, my first girlfriend broke up with me when I was, uh, 22, when I got absolutely devastated by this girl was because I was, Oh God, I don't even want to think about how I was.

45:45 I'm like a completely different person now, but I was expecting her to validate me and like, give me compliments and like, well, do you think I'm as muscular as that guy? Or you think I'm phony, right? Like, Oh bro. I think about the kind of shit that I did. It's like, I want to throw up, but you know, we have to go through that. And I think that those of us who are the most lost are the ones most likely to get found because we're most motivated to get found because we've had so much pain.

46:11 I mean, the pain that that chick put me through and to no fault of her own. If I ever saw her again today, I will pull her aside and be like, look, I get it. Actually, I'm surprised you even were with me in the first place because it was absolutely ridiculous. And, um, it totally makes sense to me now. But as I've said in a different episode, no one ever pulled me aside in ninth grade and taught me the rules of getting women. What I thought needed to happen was just be the best boyfriend you possibly can do her favors, give her compliments, make her feel good in the way of, uh, supplicating to her.

46:43 And in, in, in, in respect or excuse me, in return, she will make me feel good about myself because I'm insecure. And all of that, like literally everything I did was the wrong thing. And so, you know, I got my, my heart broken, crying on the corner of the bed in the cannonball position, you know, basically just like my tears hoping that they would work for lubricant for sex with some other girl didn't work. And then I discovered the mystery method because like I said, I'm, I'm an old bastard.

47:11 I'm an OG, the old school, the old school discovered mystery method. And it was like a big epiphany, right? Like, Holy shit, this is how it works. But again, nobody really pulls you aside, but this whole thing about validating and, uh, validation leaching, which is what I'm thinking of titling it. I'm not sure we'll have to, we'll have to figure out we're going to title it, uh, before you leave on your vacation. Hopefully you'll post it before you leave. Um, the, the validation leaching, I don't even remember what I was saying.

47:42 It's late, bro. It is dude. Yeah. For those of you guys that are, uh, I guess they don't know what, what time it is cause we're not, it's not live, but it's two 22 right now. Actually. Is it two 22? It is actually two 22. That's sick. I forgot. I just totally ran out of gas, dude. I was like, I was all fired up and then I just petered out, bro. Yeah. Same dude. I'm, I'm feeling it. Um, yeah. Do you want to just end with a couple notes or something?

48:12 I mean, just meditate, uh, meditate, always approach the interactions from what you can give, you know, enjoy the process, make money and, and get everything you want materially. But, uh, you know, realize that that's ultimately only at one phase in your evolution and, uh, yeah, keep your, keep your eyes and your mind on the big picture. Yeah, definitely, uh, realize that it's a phase in your evolution. And when you run up against the wall of unsatisfaction, don't get too depressed or butthurt about it in any respect whatsoever, guys, anytime you come up against struggle, you wouldn't be listening this long unless, you know, you've had some struggle in your life and unless you really want to improve yourself.

48:50 So anytime you come up against struggle, get excited because you're about to have a major change. I'm terrified right now because in three days, I'm going to get a gigantic fucking tattoo, um, on the inside of my left arm. And I was working with my coach today on it and I was telling him, you know, I already got a tattoo on that arm. I'm going to get it finished. It's a half sleeve. And he's like, man, he's like, it's okay. You just got adrenaline pumping. You don't need to feel like you have to completely get rid of all your fear and all your adrenaline and all resistance.

49:22 Resistance is a good thing because you're about to grow. And really that perspective switch, um, that he was telling me about really helped me out. You know, I'm still, I'm still nervous about it, but he's like, you should be nervous about it. It's probably gonna be a nine hour tattoo and it's very painful and it's not natural. You know, they're sticking goddamn needles in your skin with ink and you know, it's a nerve wracking thing. Um, so it's totally natural to be nervous about it. So if you guys are nervous about speaking to women, nervous about starting your own business, nervous about whatever you're going to go up against, that's completely natural.

49:55 Um, you know, you can validate those emotions and honor them and still move into your fear because you know that the amount of fear you have is directly proportional into the amount of growth you're going to get out of it when you face those fears. Yeah. Yeah. The, the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. That's funny. I was just looking at tattoos last night and that's one of the tattoos I saw. Yeah. Do you ever read any Joseph Campbell? No, that's the guy.

50:20 He's fucking awesome, bro. I highly recommend he, uh, he basically studied like thousands of stories and ancient like myths. And, uh, he found out that like all people have this like primal subconscious heroes story that's built into them that like resonates with all of us, which is why there's so many common motifs throughout history is like, you know, in, in the myths and everything. It's like, uh, you know, the hero has to break the rules to like attain the highest good or like, uh, you have to, you know, go through a period of rebirth or like, you know, different, different things that are so common, but yeah.

50:54 Jason Campbell. That's crazy. Uh, Joseph Campbell. Joseph. Okay, cool. The hero with a thousand faces is the best one. All right. Yeah. Did you start reading that book I recommended yet? No, I have not, but I'm going to do, I'm going to read it on the plane to, uh, to Austin. Cool. It's going to be pretty bad-ass. Greatest book ever. It looks fucking sick, dude. It looks awesome. It's a gates of fire by Steven Pressfield guys. My, my all time favorite book, at least my all time favorite, uh, fiction book fiction based on a true event.

51:28 It's about the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae. Sickest thing ever. We're going to do a podcast on it as soon as John finishes it. I got large parts of that book memorized cause I've read it so many times. Um, and my tattoo, the, the warrior part of my tattoo is actually from that book. So when you get to the part about Apollo far striker, let me know and I'll send you a picture with a big old bolded Apollo far striker. Okay. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. So, uh, just want to go ahead and wrap this up and let you guys know that I do offer one-on-one coaching.

51:56 You can get that at, I think it's mark sing coaching.com. Yeah, that's it. Mark sing coaching.com blow through your sticking points and get you rapid progress with women. I've actually been getting a lot of clients from this podcast. Surprisingly. So, um, the podcast is still super new and we still have only a few hundred views per video, which will definitely increase as we make more videos, but it really surprises me how many, um, clients I've already gotten out of this. I might have to, I might have to start, stop promoting it pretty soon.

52:28 And I also offer, um, a book called the approach formula teaches you the step-by-step method to approach a woman, engage her in conversation and walk away with her phone number. That is at get the approach formula.com on the backside of that is my book, the conversation sniper, which you can upgrade to my personal favorite book. I absolutely love that book. I was telling the student today about one of the lines in there. You ask a girl, do you like to travel? And she says, yes.

52:55 And then you push her away and say, travel over there. It's a really good line. I use it all the time. And there's 150 such lines. Um, I actually said that same line on the previous podcast. So I'll have to look back in the conversation sniper to remind myself of all the brilliant lines in there and break out some new ones for you guys on the next podcast. So those are my plugs, John. You want to tell them about your three products? Yeah. So first off seven strategies to develop your masculinity.

53:15 Uh, it's my bestselling ebook and it is the first one I ever came out with. I've come out with multiple, uh, versions of it that I'll update every now and then, but basically it's seven, uh, immediately applicable strategies that you can start putting into your life to become more masculine, assertive, dominant, and to almost immediately 10 X your attractiveness to women. It also comes with a free, a bonus strategy number eight and four free eBooks as well. So one of them is, uh, on Tinder and how I slept with a hundred girls from Tinder.

53:50 Uh, one of them is, you know, how to reprogram your subconscious for success. It's awesome. Check it out. There's going to be a link down below and it's on my blog as well. Masculinedevelopment.com. Second is body of an alpha. Uh, so, you know, a lot of times guys are wondering why I sell a book on fitness and, you know, looking good when we say that, uh, looks don't really matter with women. Well, first off they matter when you first meet her cause that's all she has to go off of.

54:16 And second, if you look really fucking good, it doesn't matter. Like, you know, how much game you have, if you look sufficiently good and even have a little bit of game, it's so easy to sleep with the girl. So get your game on point, get your body on point. You know, when you look good, women will just fucking come up to you and approach you. You look great. They fucking, you know, want to talk to you more. They want to flirt with you. They'll tell you their friends.

54:40 And like, it's just, it makes things so much easier. So check it out. It's called body of an alpha comes with three free bonuses. Uh, it's in the link down below. And lastly is Bitcoin millionaire, which is the biggest product that I've released to date. And basically I timed it pretty well. Um, so right before we go into the next Bitcoin bull market, which I'm expecting will happen fairly soon within the next month. I hope, um, I released a product on trading cryptocurrencies and actually how I make, uh, over six figures a year trading cryptocurrencies relatively passively.

55:12 Um, I guide guys through everything that I do. So we have a chat group called the millionaire's executive suite, which you will get free access to when you buy this course. Uh, and I post exactly what I'm buying and when I'm buying it. So you can literally just follow along to what I do and learn, uh, based off of my trades and what I'm doing and make money while you're doing it. So it's called Bitcoin millionaire. There's going to be a link down below. Check it out.

55:36 And, uh, yeah, that's all that I can think of. Hey guys, before this podcast started, John was telling me how he thinks there's going to be a big shift in the market pretty soon. And I'm not, I'm not bullshitting you. Um, he was telling me about this. So I would definitely buy that program now because he didn't, he didn't say specifically if it would be a bull market or, uh, what's the other one? Bear market, bear market. But weren't you saying you think it's going to be a bull market, which means it's about to go up.

56:01 So now I'm leaning towards a bull. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm going to buy, I think I'm going to put a few grand into Bitcoin. So, um, I'll talk to you about that. Yeah. We'll talk after. I can't give out official financial advice, but, um, you know, if you guys join the group, like just trust me, like we, we've made some crazy trades. I made one trade where I got, uh, I tripled my money with Dogecoin in like 19 hours or something. I had a friend on the inside who knew that it was going to be added to an exchange and, and I fucking got in before it happened.

56:31 So yeah, we've had some pretty crazy trades. So definitely check it out guys. Yeah. But it's closed, right? They have to email you. Yeah. Well, I, I, yeah, I think I actually, I actually have to close it. Cause I opened it up just today. Cause we kicked those, those three guys out with the fucking, uh, member. Yeah. The guys, the guys that tried to sell the course to other people. Um, so it's open right now, but I'll probably change that in like the next hour. So yeah, I'd email me John at masculinedevelopment.com and see if I can open up a spot for you.

56:58 John at masculinedevelopment.com. J O N. Uh, they were like three Somali pirates of Bitcoin reselling your shit. All right, cool. Well, thanks for listening guys. Um, we always appreciate it and we will see you in the next podcast. Woo. Take it easy guys.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.