The Masculinity, Seduction & Happiness Secret of "NON-J"

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. If this is your first time listening, what I try to do is give the best information in the shortest amount of time possible. And if you've been riding with me for a long time, you know what to do. That's right. Smack yourself on the ass.

0:30 You are a champion of the highest degree. So today, we're going to talk about the masculinity, seduction, and happiness secret of non-J. Now, you're obviously sitting there wondering, what in the hell is this non-J thing? Well, that stands for non-judgment. And this is one of the secrets, in my opinion, of what I call the art of living. How to be a happy individual who is highly successful in everything that you take on, not only with women, but also monetarily. You're happy, and it's because this is a perspective shift that allows you to see things in a light where you're not so damn reactive, where you're not so damn emotional, where you're experiencing significantly less trauma, stress, and drama.

1:21 And you are going to be that unmovable object who has a solid, what I call, inner balance point. It's like this inner calmness within yourself that you're constantly straddling. And life can't knock you off that inner balance point so easily as it does to other men, especially those men who aren't making enough money, who aren't successful with women, and who aren't really happy. And it's because they haven't quite figured this out yet. So this concept is one of the main tenets of Zen Buddhism. And it's also taught in many different spiritual practices, religions, in a lesser apparent way.

1:56 But in Zen Buddhism, this is one of their core teachings. And we can learn a lot from this. And I found that when I applied it to my life, it really worked well into seduction especially. It made me way more attractive to women. I understood how to handle women better. And when situations would come up, I would usually succeed with women because I made this a central part of my game. So this is a really cool podcast. I'm looking forward to doing this. I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but I've kind of been waiting until I had the following that I deemed appropriate to give this message out.

2:30 Because this is so important. So many people miss this. They go their whole lives without really understanding this concept, without practicing it. And it's really sad because they go through way more pain than they have to. And I'm going to explain why that is in a moment. Before I jump into the content, I want to remind you guys that I am giving away a free program called The Approach Formula on my website. So if you head over to CoachMarkSingh.com, which is also found in the description, you'll land on the homepage and you'll see me there talking to a girl.

3:00 And you can kind of see some body language things that I do when I speak to women. And then just clack the red button. It'll take you over to how to get your copy of The Approach Formula. This is based on over 10,000 approaches of me and my team, probably even more than that. And it gives the step-by-step process for how to approach women, how to build yourself up so that you're not just approaching 10s right off the bat. But instead, you get yourself warmed up. You get yourself experienced without rejection so that you can build up to that level where you can approach 10s under the radar even if they're a complete stranger on the street.

3:35 And one of my main things is, again, I teach you how to do it without getting rejected. All right, guys. So with all that out of the way, let's go ahead and talk about this happiness, seduction, and masculinity secret of non-J. All right, so I'm going to start this with a question for you. Can you tell me with utmost certainty if situations are either good or bad? Can you tell me if you break your leg, are you absolutely sure that's bad? If you win the lottery and you get a million dollars, can you absolutely tell me with utmost certainty that that's good?

4:07 No, obviously you can't. Why? Because you don't have the total picture. You've been alive long enough to know that when situations happen, they're usually not completely good and they're usually not completely bad, but there's usually a mixture of both. Okay, so something bad happens, usually there's a lot of good that comes out of it. Something good happens, well, sometimes there's some bad that comes out of it. Me, for example, I struggled mightily with anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks, depression, couldn't look at a girl, let alone go talk to one.

4:37 And now, for all intents and purposes, I'm the complete opposite of that. Well, if it wasn't for that suffering, if it wasn't for the panic attacks that I had, I wouldn't have sought help. And if I didn't seek help, I wouldn't have met my own NLP coach. So in a way, the anxiety and the panic attacks was really the best thing that ever happened to me. So I want to do a little experiment with you. I want you to think about one of the worst things that ever happened to you in your life.

5:02 And just to do this along with you so that you don't feel like you're doing this alone, I'll tell you about one of the worst things that ever happened to me in my life. My dad died when I was 10. He was alive one day, dead the next. I'm not going to get too far into it, but he died because of complications with diabetes. So one day, he comes home, and he says, I kind of feel flu-like. I'm not feeling very good. I'm going to go to bed.

5:24 And I remember the last time I hugged him. Next day, he was dead. You're a 10-year-old kid, and you think you have your life completely settled. You think everything's safe, and then next day, your dad is completely dead. And I remember them wheeling him out into the ambulance, and the last thing I ever saw of him was his foot just going into the ambulance. And like six hours later, my mom comes back from the hospital, and I remember she said he died. Well, that was a pretty tragic thing.

5:48 And yeah, it fucked me up in a lot of ways, most of which is that I never had anyone to teach me about masculinity. But now look at me. I'm one of the pioneers of teaching masculinity. I'm almost like a father or at least an older brother to a lot of you guys. My clients are like little brothers to me, and I'm like a father to them. Well, why did that happen? Because I didn't have somebody to teach me masculinity, I went into masculinity with 110% effort.

6:15 I had to figure it out for myself because nobody taught me. So I want to ask you what really bad thing happened to you. So go back far enough where the ramifications played themselves out, where everything is kind of already manifested out of that situation. So pick a really bad thing that happened to you, and in one column, I want you to write down all the bad things that came of it. In the other column, you write down all the good things that came of it.

6:39 What you'll find is that they're pretty much equal. And this gets us to a quote that Shakespeare said, There is no good or bad, but it's thinking that makes it such. So here we have the concept of judgment. What the mind likes to do is it likes to react immediately to a situation and judge it as either good or bad, and make you feel unnecessary emotions based on it. Okay, obviously, in the example that I gave where my dad passed away, obviously, I'm not going to sit there being happy about it because I'm like, Oh, don't judge a situation is either good or bad.

7:13 Obviously, my dad passed away. That's going to seriously bum me out. But I can say without most certainty that both for me and my brother, we've become the men we've become today because he passed away, not necessarily in spite of it. My brother, for example, has walked from Mexico to Canada, and he did that all in my dad's honor. He did the Pacific Crest Trail, which goes from Mexico to Canada through California, Oregon, and Washington. Then he did the Continental Divide Trail, which goes through Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, and what's below Colorado?

7:47 Oh, New Mexico. And he did that in my dad's honor. He said he wanted to quit so many times, but he felt our dad looking down on him, and he wouldn't quit because he didn't want to let our dad down because our dad was an adventurer. Me, I became the man I am because I think that he's looking down on me all the time, and I want to make him proud. I want to be the best man I can be in his honor. So can we really say that when he passed away, it was a bad thing?

8:12 And for you, the bad thing that you listed, can you really say it was a bad thing? It wasn't really bad or good. It just is what it is. But the point is it's what you do with it, and furthermore, not judging it in the immediate moment because judging makes you reactive, and this is one of the most important things to realize is that people who are unsuccessful, people who are unattractive to women, people who don't get money, they're constantly being thrown to and fro from the outside circumstances of their life, being reactive, getting really sad when things go wrong, getting really happy when things go right.

8:51 They're at the whims of life's circumstances. But when you don't judge things as either good or bad, when you understand that the total picture will show us what this thing meant, and in fact, it's our own definition of it that creates our own reality surrounding it, then suddenly we take control, don't we? We're not reactive to what that girl says. We're not reactive to losing that client or not making as much money as we did the month before. We're not reactive to a quote-unquote bad situation because we realize that, first of all, the total picture hasn't played out yet.

9:26 We can leverage this bad situation just like I did with my dad dying and just like you probably did with the bad thing that you wrote down. We can leverage it to make ourselves better as men. And it's all about perception. It's all about frame. You have to reframe everything to see everything in a positive growth-oriented light. But even beyond that is not judging it. It just is what it is. Life is what it is, and it's going to manifest exactly how it wants to. So fuck it.

9:56 Stop reacting to it. It has its purpose. You don't know what the purpose is, so you let it go. Because when you're reactive, you're in stress. And I was watching this really cool video from Rob O'Neill. He's the dude who killed Osama bin Laden. And he gave this really cool speech. You guys should look it up. I don't remember what the speech was called, but type in Rob O'Neill in YouTube. And he's wearing like this light blue jacket. And he's a ginger. He's got red hair.

10:21 So check him out. It's an amazing speech. But he said in that speech, and I listened to this last night, and this kind of motivated me to do this podcast today, is stress is your choice. You can either carry it or you can drop it. And most of the time, 95% of the time, the problems we think are going to happen never happen. And that's what he was saying about the bin Laden raid. He's like, we train for every contingency. And the thing we least expected to happen is the thing that happened.

10:47 And he said, rather than being reactive to it, we just did our job. You know, there wasn't some crew cut guy yelling at us, go, go, go, guys. After the helicopter crashed, they just got out and did their job quietly, professionally, and got it fucking done. Not judging. Oh God, the helicopter crashed. Now what are we going to do? And losing their minds about it. No, you just adapt and you go. You don't even sit there judging it. You just act. And that concept of our mind creating 95% of problems that don't actually exist was perfectly summed up by Mark Twain.

11:19 He said, I've had a life full of many problems, most of which never happened, which basically means your mind is constantly worrying, constantly labeling, constantly looking for something to go bad. And you know what? It's its job. It is its job. That's a survival mechanism. It's constantly searching for the wrong so it can protect you from it. But when you understand that it's overreactive, it's thinking too much, it's on overdrive and you don't have control of it, don't take it so seriously. You are not your thoughts.

11:50 Your thoughts is simply a mechanism that's overreacting. It's been trained. It's been programmed inside of you. And it's just going on and on and on. Don't believe everything you think, which is what the great Wayne Dyer said and has lived with me ever since. Here's another example that illustrates this point. This often happens in movies is halfway through the movie, the protagonist usually encounters his biggest struggle, right? In the movie Gladiator, he gets stripped of his general ship. He gets made into a slave and then he gets made into a gladiator.

12:21 And if we base our feelings on the movie halfway through it, do we really have the total picture? Well, no, because we wouldn't have seen that Maximus, the absolute champian, persevered and rose above the problems to save Rome by the end of the movie. So it's almost like our calamities, the bad things that happened, set the precedence for us to rise above them. And in fact, getting really spiritual here, we wouldn't be able to achieve greatness unless those bad things happen. So if we judge them as bad, then we're limiting ourselves.

12:53 We're putting ourselves in a box. But instead, if we don't judge them and say, this could be an opportunity, who knows how this will manifest? I'm going to let it ride and I'm going to stop thinking so damn much about what could go wrong, how my life is so hard, how I'm a hard done by person, how I'm a victim. I'm going to stop dwelling on the fact that that girl rejected me or she didn't laugh correctly at my jokes. I'm going to stop thinking so much and end my problems.

13:20 And that comes from the Tao Te Ching, which is one of the most profound spiritual books ever written. Lao Tzu, the author of the Tao Te Ching said this, stop thinking and end your problems. What does that mean? It means non-judgment of every little thing. Stop thinking so much. Be in the present moment. Suffering is caused by thought. Think about that. Suffering is caused by thoughts. So when you stop believing everything you think, when you stop thinking all the time, when you stop judging situations, either good or bad, stop being so reactive, stop being so spazzy and stop being thrown to and fro by the outside circumstances of your life, you get mastery over the mind and you are now in the space of non-judgment.

14:04 So here's an interesting story I really like. This comes from the Zen tradition. There was a Zen master who had a family and they had a farm and they had some horses. Well, one day a bunch of wild horses came into their farm and joined their horses. So the night before he went to bed, he had four horses. And when he woke up in the morning, he had nine. Well, all the neighbors came over and they said, wow, you just got five new horses from the wild.

14:27 That's amazing. You're so lucky. And he says to them, maybe. Well, that day his son was riding one of the new horses. He got bucked off, broke his leg and he's limping around and all the neighbors came over and said, oh, how unfortunate your son broke his leg and he can't ride the horses anymore. That's horrible. It's going to take six weeks for it to heal so bad. And he said, maybe. So then the army comes along and they're recruiting boys for the army against the neighboring regime.

14:55 And they said, hey, we're going to take your son to war, get him ready. He's like, well, he's inside and he's got a broken leg so he can't fight. And they said, oh, okay, he has a broken leg. All right, nevermind. We'll keep him here. And all the neighbors came over and said, sweet, your son doesn't have to go to war. Isn't that amazing? And he says, maybe. So you guys see the point here is judging a situation is either good or bad is stupid because you simply don't have the total picture.

15:17 You don't know if it's good. You don't know if it's bad. So don't waste your time. Don't be reactive. Don't put energetic capital into judging something when you don't have the total picture. Guys who are good at life are unreactive. And this is one of the main things that makes us really good with women. I'll tell you, most of the guys are in the friend zone. Most of the guys who aren't good with girls, they're constantly reacting to her. They're really happy when things go right.

15:43 They're really sad when things go wrong. Guys in the bars and the nightclubs, I watch it all the time. It's like when they're talking to this chick, it's the best thing that ever happened to her. Why? Because they're judging the situation, her being hot as a good thing. They're judging her as already winning with them. So they're reacting because they're not on their inner balance point. They're being thrown to and fro by the outside circumstances of their life. That communicates to her that he's low value.

16:08 He doesn't have high standards. Bro, when I go talk to a girl, yeah, I smile. I'm energetic. I'm having fun. But it's for my own entertainment. I'm not trying to get anything from her. And that means being non-reactive. And that also means being non-judgmental. Yeah, she's hot. But I'm not judging you as winning the contest yet, chick. You have 10 other things to check off the boxes before I give you my winning stamp of approval. You've checked off one. You're hot, you got a nice ass, and you got the tits of a goddess.

16:37 So fucking what? You were born that way. What else do you have? Are you reactive? Are you judging life? Are you on your inner balance point? What are you doing morally? What would you do if you saw a homeless man who was really suffering? Would you help him? What have you done for your friends? What are you doing for your career? What is your personality like? Do you have a good sense of humor? Are you fun to talk to? Are you intelligent? Are you a go-getter?

16:58 Do you have a heart of gold? These are so many standards that so many guys just throw out the window because she's hot. Who gives a shit? Besides, by the time she turns 70, she's going to be an old lady just like everybody else. So you should choose a woman who has everything that you want, not just one thing that you think is so important. So this is the overall point of the podcast, guys, is when you let go of judging things as either good or bad, when you're stable on your inner balance point, when things happen to your life and you're not so reactive.

17:26 And I actually had a client tell me this the other day. He's like, Mark, I just feel like I'm not so reactive anymore. I feel like things don't get me really fired up. Like I'm way more balanced. I'm like, yep, that's because you're becoming a man. That's because you're becoming attractive. You're not judging everything and being thrown to and fro like a spazzy beta cuck in the club who gets really happy when a girl talks to him and gets really sad when she doesn't give him his or her phone number.

17:52 These are the guys who don't get girls. These are the guys who don't get success. So I want you guys to take this and simply do this. The next time something happens to you, catch yourself. There's space between when it happens and when you're going to react to it. That reaction is either unconscious, meaning you're just defaulting to programming given to you by somebody else before you could defend yourself or you catch it with your higher self, which is your true consciousness. And you say, no, no, no, no.

18:18 I'm not reacting to it this way. I'm not going to do this. It is what it is. Let's see what happens. Let's let this play out. One of the most intelligent things you can do is just let things ride. Let them play out. Stop getting so involved. Stop being so spazzy. Relax. Back up. Stop thinking so much. Be in the present moment. Let things unfold. The master does nothing and somehow everything gets done. Now I know for some of you guys this was a really radical concept, but I think it's important as all of us are developing this unapologetic alpha.

18:52 Silverback men. Silverback men that we all understand this, we all put it into play in our lives, and we get more centered within ourselves by refusing to label situations as either good or bad. As Shakespeare said, there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. As such, I am going to do a podcast about being in the present moment probably in about a month. I want to give this a little time to digest, to marinate, and then I'm going to come back to it and talk about meditation, not thinking, being in the present moment.

19:26 Stop believing everything that you think because the vast majority of them are nothing but lies, excuses, negative thoughts, judgments that have no basis in reality, and making us way more stressed than we have to be. And finally, that leads me to my final thought, guys. Laugh more, worry less. It really is just that simple. All right, boys, that's it for me in this podcast episode. I hope you found some value in it, but you know what? If you didn't, I ain't judging you, man. It is what it is, and you'll get there however you have to get there.

19:59 It's mellow. It's easy. It's all unfolding exactly as it should. Every single blade of grass will reach enlightenment. Chew on that one for a bit and spit out a nugget of momentary enlightenment. All right, boys. Thanks for listening, and I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

20:39 We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.