This Episode Will Save You From a Life of Misery With Your Woman: "The 2nd Wife Phenomenon"

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What's up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. And today we are going to talk about how I am going to save you from a life of absolute fucking misery, the second wife phenomenon. So without any further ado, boys, we are going to skip all the blatant advertising about my three-month coaching program and jump directly into the content.

0:40 So a lot of times we meet a girl and we fall in love because she's so goddamn hot. The sex is amazing. She looks exactly as we want her to look. She's feminine. She's amazing. She puts her best foot forward and we fall into the trap of marrying a girl because we fall in love with her. And not only marrying her, but also just settling down with her as your girlfriend. And we think that this lust, this love is going to last. But as we all know, and as many of you guys have experienced, it doesn't last.

1:08 What's essentially happening when you're in love is there's a chemical called oxytocin that's dropped into your brain. And that's oftentimes called the love chemical because it makes us feel those feelings of being high. Those feelings of all our problems are solved. And those feelings of this person completes me, right? So we fall in love. We fall in lust. We get super into these chicks and then we settle down with her or worse yet, make the arbitrary decision of getting married based off what is essentially an emotion.

1:36 Now, if you've listened to my podcast for any amount of time, you know that I'm a pragmatic individual. And I know that you're a pragmatic individual too, because people who listen to podcasts are oftentimes more intelligent and more educated than the rest of the population. And no, I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass. That is true. And I'm sure you too have made the mistake where you're super into a girl just because you're ridiculously attracted to her. And you make the mistake of settling down with this chick and she turns into a complete psycho hose beast.

2:09 Hurricane Ashley, as one of my ex-girlfriends used to be called by me and my friends, because this chick was just fucking insane. But why is it that the insane ones are always the hottest? It's really weird, right? I have some theories about that. One of which is when a girl is highly in her feminine energy, she's naturally more attractive to us. And unfortunately, femininity and insanity sometimes get mistaken for one another in a weird way. So oftentimes when a woman is really feminine, she's more easily able to go into her emotions.

2:45 And if she's more easily able to go into her emotions, then with that femininity comes drama. And a lot of you guys are probably laughing right now as I am, because trust me, man, I've seen some shit, bro. I've been around the corner. This isn't my first rodeo. I fucking go over the triple quad into the corner and fucking roost into the whoop section because this ain't my first time around the track. So we settle down with this girl and then the real her is revealed slowly.

3:06 And oftentimes it's revealed through calamities, through things that go wrong and or through arguments. We all have within us this thing that Eckhart Tolle, who's a really great spiritual teacher, calls the pain body. The pain body is the accumulation of negative energy that you've been gathering within yourself since you were a kid. So everything negative that has ever happened to you, it almost encompasses this being within you that you can't control when you get pissed off. If you see people with road rage, I guarantee you the dude fucking slamming out the headlights of another dude's car with his tire iron doesn't typically act that way.

3:47 And if that dude were to be taken to court, he would say, man, I don't know what came over me. I was just so pissed, bro. I just fucking got fired up, couldn't control it. Next thing you know, I'm choking the motherfucker out. And that's because his pain body came out. And oftentimes we go unconscious when the pain body comes out. Now, what's really interesting is we're oftentimes attracted to women who have a pain body that matches ours. The energies are similar and physical attraction can oftentimes be mistaken by two pain bodies that simply match.

4:19 A lot of you guys too are probably nodding your heads because you're like, holy shit, this idiot is correct. I have dated so many girls in the past where we just fight so perfectly. Like the sex is bomb, but also the fighting is just like on point, dude. It's all the time. She just pisses in my river. I launch a 50 foot rope of diarrhea into her morning coffee. And it's like the littlest thing she says to me just fucking pisses me off. And the same thing back to her.

4:45 That's because your pain bodies are compatible. And we are often attracted to unconsciously people with really severe pain bodies. If our pain body is really severe, what's the answer to that? Obviously, you know what I'm going to say, working on yourself, dealing with your bullshit, going into it frontally, like a fucking man does stop running away from the storm and turning around and running towards it. That's the only way to get through your problems. And of course I'm an NLP coach. NLP stands for neuro linguistic programming.

5:11 And when guys come into my program, we deal with shit like this. If a guy tells me I keep getting these chicks that are psycho hose beasts, I always say to him, who's the common denominator? That's you, brother. So let's go ahead and fix you because you are unconsciously attracted to chicks like this, who, by the way, will oftentimes mimic people who you had a dysfunction with in your early childhood, such as your mom. If your mom always came unpeeled, came undone, came unscrewed, and fucking laid into you, you're going to be attracted to a woman who does the same thing because unconsciously you want to change this chick.

5:45 So a lot of us get attracted to these girls. And again, man, hey, I'm no saint, bro. I've had some fucking rodeos. I've had some shit go down. Crazy stuff, much of which I've talked about on this podcast. One, I'll tell you a story real quick where I broke up with this smoking hot blonde because I finally came to my senses after X many months that this chick was completely psychotic. We had matching pain bodies. So I invite her over to my house, which you should never do.

6:14 You should always break up with chicks on the phone, but I fucked up. It was in my earlier years. I invited her over to my house, sit her down, right? Do the mature thing. Say, hey, I don't really feel we're compatible. I've told this story before. She runs out of my house, gets into her black on black Dodge Charger, fucking does a complete roost, drifts it around the corner, hitting an angle like she's a professional drift driver in the formula drift circuit, and hits a fucking parked car.

6:42 So then I'm like, oh my hell. I had to go over to her, be like, are you okay? She's crying, blubbering, pissing on herself. It was a fucking mess. And then I had to drive her home, help her get her car a few days later. It was a fucking nightmare. So that chick was absolutely crazy, but it was my fault because I was sexually attracted to her. And honestly, gentlemen, anytime something happens to you guys, I believe in a large part, it's your fault. It's not always completely your fault.

7:05 Obviously, a second party needs to be present in order to stab you in the back. But if you were attracted to that girl in the first place and you didn't follow your intuition, which by the way, I'm going to do a podcast about in the coming weeks. You didn't follow your intuition. It's your fault. You fucking married this chick. You settled down with her. You made her your girlfriend. You fucked up, bro. And it's always that moment when her pain body comes out and you're like, who is this demonic soul who I have never met before that is literally sleeping in my bed?

7:37 And it's crazy. And I think a lot of you guys can relate. Have you ever been getting yelled at by somebody and you look at their eyes and you're like, I don't even see the person in this person's eyes. They're like gone. They're in the background and this demonic energy has taken them over. And this again is the pain body. It's all the negative energy throughout your life, throughout her life. That's compatible. And the pain body needs to feed just like any other entity in existence needs to feed.

8:04 So the pain body comes out. You guys fight. Then you have bomb ass makeup monkey sex. And then everything's good for a while. And then it happens again. You guys fight, have sex again. And then it happens more and more frequently until if you stay with this chick, you guys are 80 years old bickering the whole time. Brother, what kind of relationship is that? Where you're constantly bickering with the person you're with. Okay. I don't want to be in that fucking relationship. And I'll tell you what, Marissa and I have been together for several years.

8:33 We have a kid together. We live together. Never fucking bicker. And if we do, we sit down and we talk about it. I don't want to be in a combative relationship with my girl. I want to be a team. And that's what's dope about Marissa and I. We're a fucking power couple, man. And we have each other's backs. Anytime some passive-aggressive comment comes out, some bickering thing or like complaining about the other person, we both go like, hey, hey, hey, let's talk about this. Let's settle this.

9:00 Because that kind of energy is insidious and it will grow like a mold in your basement. It will fuck up your relationship. Communication, talking things out, and for God's sakes, having each other's back as a team is the most important thing. There's this concept in Navy SEALs called swim buddy. When they're going through their training BUDS, basic underwater demolition SEAL team training, you get paired up with one dude and he's your swim buddy. If you fall out of the boat, he's pulling you back in. He falls down on the run, you stop and you help him keep going.

9:35 And that's what Marissa and I call each other. We're swim buddies. I got your back. Nothing's going to fucking stop us from achieving our goals. And if you need me, I'm going to be there. And I hope you'll be there for me too. There's no bickering. There's no buying into the pain bodies. And I want to stress that we both have pain bodies and they do come out, but we're conscious of them. And when you're conscious of something, you can overcome it. Awareness alone is curative.

9:59 So if her pain body comes out, I call it out. I say, hey, I think your pain body's coming out. And she's like, yeah, it is. Just give me a few minutes because sometimes you just need to sit with it and watch it so that it goes away because those things want to feed. All road rage, all fistfights, all fights between couples, nagging, bickering, passive aggressive comments, and anything else that has negativity behind it when you're dealing with other human beings is the pain body coming out.

10:25 So I would advise you to be conscious of your pain body. The next time you get pissed off, be like, whoa, wait, wait, this isn't me. This is like an energy field inside of me. The accumulation of all the negative shit that's happened in my life, lashing out because it wants to feed. Am I going to let this take me over? Or am I going to be conscious enough to watch it and say, no, no, no, man, go back to sleep. The real me is coming out and I'm going to deal with this with equanimity and maturity.

10:50 Okay. So we settle down with the hot girl. We've all done it. We marry the chick. She turns out to be a psycho hose beast. You guys get divorced and you have to give her fucking 80% of your net worth. Okay. That's a completely different podcast episode. How dude after dude after dude in this country are just getting economic butt raped through things like divorce, et cetera. And I fucking think it's a big problem that hopefully is getting better with new litigation and new laws that are coming out.

11:21 But I still think it's severely imbalanced. So you get screwed. And then you're like, bro, I'm not fucking with another girl again because these chicks are psychos. Here's the thing, brother. Yeah. Some girls are psychos, but there's a lot of really good women out there. And most guys, once they get divorced, once they start looking for different things in the woman who they're going to marry the second time. And this is the second wife phenomenon that I spoke about in the title. So before you settle down with the girl, pretend she's going to be your second wife, which means you're looking for more than just hotness.

11:52 Her being able to give blow jobs that are so good that she can suck the shine off a Cadillac, her giving amazing sex, her ass up high, makes a motherfucker want to cry. All those parameters, they're important. Okay. Like I wouldn't tell you they're not, but they shouldn't be the only thing for God's sakes. What you have to look for is integrity, doing what she says she's going to do, not talking shit about other people because if she does that, she's going to talk shit about you, not saying passive aggressive things to other people, not being easily angered.

12:25 You need to see her pain body come out before you settle down with the woman. You need to see that shit and see if it's compatible with yours. And that's the reason you're attracted to her. Or is she able to control that pain body? She's dealt with it. I also ask how much has she worked on herself? How good are a team? Are we, are we starting out in a way where we're constantly in a controversial state, trying to one up each other, trying to beat each other down with passive aggressive comments and, or ego based competitions where I'm trying to outdo her and she's trying to outdo me, or are we a team?

12:59 So when you look for your first girl, brother, even your next girlfriend, I want you to have all these parameters and look at her as the second wife phenomenon. Okay. Yeah. She has to be hot. She has to give good sick duck. That all has to be there, but also these morals, these attitudes, these things that match yours. And for God's sakes, brother, check the pain body. The pain body has ruined so many relationships, so many marriages, and has made both men and women absolutely miserable because pain bodies are compatible.

13:29 They are attracted to one another and people don't vet the person who they settle down with. They instead just go on an emotional decision. Deciding anything emotional, yes, even those things that pertain to love, as it were, is a bad fucking decision. Never make your decisions based on pure emotion, on pure desire, on lust, which so many people do. I have seen guy after guy and girl after girl after girl go down and just marry a person who is completely not right for them. Inevitably, they get divorced a few years later, and then their parameters start to change.

14:09 So I always ask myself, would this person be a person who I would want to spend the rest of my life with on a desert island? If I had no other choice than to choose just one person to go on alone with, you ever see that show Alone? Fucking crazy, that show. Just shows how hard it is to survive out there. By the way, different episode. But if I had to go on alone, and I can only choose one person, I'd choose Marissa. Straight up. Even over my best friends.

14:34 Now, I know that sounds crazy, but this woman is my soulmate. She's my partner. We're fucking swim buddies. And that's the way I advise you guys look at it, if and when you're going to settle down with a girl. Now, understandably, if you're just going to do a few laps around the track with the chick for three to six months, you know she's not absolutely marriage material, but she's got bomb tits, a perfect ass, and a thigh gap you can park a Volkswagen bug into. I get it.

14:54 I've done a few laps like that, too. And I'll tell you what, when you walk into a restaurant with a super hot girl, I'm talking a 10, and all the guys are giving you thumbs up, and they're all fucking smiling ear to ear, it feels pretty good. It feels pretty good. Your ego is going to get a little smack upside the ass, dude, because you're like, yeah, I'm a champ. But dude, think about it, if you're going to marry that chick. Okay, how high maintenance is she?

15:20 How much does she argue? Does she complain all the time? Bro, I've dated so many Russian chicks, Ukrainian chicks, Romanian chicks, Czechoslovakian chicks, not my cup of tea, as far as the personality is concerned. And listen, if it's your cup of tea, that's fine. I'm just communicating what's good for me. They are like way too dramatic, way too complaining all the time, negative, and like hard to please, man. Like high fucking maintenance, ridiculously high maintenance. You have to see what's right for you. Okay, my final point is this.

15:54 I have something called the 80-100 rule. That means that you should want to see her, be with her, spend time with her, and engage in interactions with her about 80% of what she wants. Now, not only is that going to keep her attracted to you and you attracted to her because of the masculine and feminine dynamic, he who wants less is the one who's in the masculine role. You need to be in the masculine role for her to continue being attracted to you, and she needs to be in the feminine role for you to continue being attracted to her.

16:21 Not only does it create that all-important dynamic, but also it makes the relationship work. So if you're dating a girl who wants way more than you do, and you want only 50% of what she wants, that's a red flag. If you want 120% of what she wants, that's a red flag too. So one thing I suggest is finding a girl who has all those morals, is honest, good heart, not dramatic, a go-getter in my opinion, but also who falls naturally into that 80-100 rule. With me and my girl, I just want to see her, spend time with her, be with her about 80% of what she wants, and that makes the relationship work.

16:57 Because the one who wants less is the one who's in the leadership role, and you, my friend, have to be in the leadership role in order for her to maintain attraction for you. So we have all these parameters that oftentimes don't get set until you've been divorced once and you've had fucking 80% of your net worth taken by some psycho hose beast. Now, for any women listening, they're psychotic dudes too. Don't marry a dude who's a complete deadbeat just because you're in love with him, which happens so many times.

17:25 Okay, let's use our brains. Stop thinking with your vagina, and boys, stop thinking with your dick. Think with the head on your shoulders between your two ears. Come on, bro, tighten up your battleship and make your grandcesters proud. Let's really use our minds when it comes to settling down. So with the 80-100 rule, you just want it to work naturally. What you want from her is just 80% of what she wants from you, and then it's going to work perfectly, and that's the kind of chick who I would say is second wife material.

17:58 Now, obviously, in this podcast, we're skipping the emotional and economic butt rape that happens when you marry a girl who isn't compatible with you in the first place, and we're skipping to the second wife phenomenon. Go in for those things that are a little more pragmatic, seeing the girl as a teammate, not having any adversarial energy in the relationship whatsoever, and putting communication as the number one parameter for you guys to move into success together. You guys are teammates, you're swim buddies, you're naturally falling into the 80-100 rule, and that's what makes a relationship work, and that, my friend, is going to save you from a life of absolute misery.

18:32 Can you imagine being with the girl who just makes you fucking miserable, or for you women listening, being with the dude, it makes you miserable? Some of you guys have been there. I mean, I have too. I've never married somebody like that, but I've had girlfriends like that. It fucking sucked. You know, the sex is good, but how long does that last? Right? 15-20 minutes, you have an awesome orgasm, she's hot as fuck, you like the props you get, you like to like flash her around.

18:59 Other than that, it's not worth it. It just isn't worth it, man. You got to get somebody who you connect with on those three important parts, brain, heart, and crotch. If all those three match up, that's the right women for you. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. As you may know, I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, and I got another awesome one coming up on my next drop, so stay tuned for that one, and I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.