THIS IS THE WAY to Keep a Woman From Leaving You: "The Drop Rule"

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I hope the week has been treating you well. And today, I'm going to give you the absolute secret to completely keep a woman, keep her interested, never get left again. And you know what that is, bro? It's the willingness to drop her at the flip of a switch.

0:38 No, I'm not bullshitting you here. That is literally the key to keep a woman interested in you. And I'm going to explain to you exactly why that works. So if you've ever had a woman leave you, if you've ever been super clingy, needy, jealous, I'm going to tell you exactly why that doesn't work. And this philosophy is actually based on love rather than fear. And actually, fear is the thing that clenches. Fear is the thing that tries to keep her. Fear is the emotion that causes that neediness inside of you that, in fact, chases her away.

1:08 So we're going to talk about this. I'm going to explain why it's actually the healthiest way to have a relationship. And if you're a female listening, just do the exact same thing. And I'm going to explain to you exactly how that is. Before I jump into the content, want to congratulate my client, Craig, who just got laid for the first time, 32 years old, week four of the program, my dude. This guy got laid and never once even touched a girl's boobie. He's like, Mark, never touched a girl's boobie before.

1:37 And I was like, well, first of all, boobie is a little bit of a juvenile word there. Let's go ahead and crack that up to boob, or maybe tete, if you want to call it that. But he never touched a woman's breasts. He was super virgin, like virgin times a thousand. And he gave me permission to talk about this. He actually laughs about it now. Week four, motherfucker, this guy got laid. Also want to give a shout out to my boy, Francis, who got laid after not being laid for five years.

2:03 And he got laid in week five. Most guys get laid when they come into my program in about five to six weeks. Now, it's completely dependent on their situation, how much of a hard case they are. But, you know, some guys get laid. I had a guy get laid actually in the first night. Like we started working together. He went out and he got in one night stand. So it really depends on the person. But average, about four to five weeks. And yes, every single virgin that's ever been in my program has lost his virginity due to the coaching.

2:31 Some of which I'm going to give you today. So let's go ahead and jump into it. So when dating a woman, the absolute worst thing you can do is try to hold on to her. Now, this sounds completely counterintuitive because oftentimes our insecurities, our jealousy make us want to clench that girl, hold on to her, hold her tight, not let her talk to other guys, go to parties, do other things. And we try to convince her rationally why she should stay with us. Now, this is absolutely natural because we have a lot of emotion invested into the woman.

3:02 And you may not know this, but actually love is simply a chemical, much like a drug works on you. That chemical is released in your brain when you see this person. And that too is why I highly suggest you don't make irrational decisions like getting married to a person or committing anything long-term to the person until that chemical has receded. And that usually takes about nine months to a couple of years. So this is why if I were to ever marry a woman, I would definitely want to be with her for several years, do many laps around the track, hit the triple, uncork the quad, hit a couple of berms and do a fucking whip over the finish line jump to make sure that her and I are actually compatible.

3:43 And it's not just the chemicals that are dictating our decision, which happens so many times. And this is why the divorce rate is so high is because people make irrational decisions based on their emotions, which I actually just spoke about in last week's podcast. So when we're first in love, we want to naturally hold on to that person. So a lot of people quite rationally will make rules, try to be jealous, try to really hold on and clench that person. And that makes them want to leave.

4:11 Okay. And I'm going to explain to you why that is. But first of all, you have to realize that when you do that, it really makes the woman lose attraction for you because neediness is a sign of insecurity. Neediness is a sign of weakness that in fact, the person who's really strong in his life and for a woman listening for her life is a person who is happy to be alone, who enjoys their own company and who doesn't worry about the scarcity of meeting somebody else.

4:39 But in fact, that if this woman or for a woman listening, this man happens to leave them, they can go get another one at the drop of a hat. And that abundant mentality is extremely attractive and thus lowers the chances of that person leaving you. So when you're not afraid of the person leaving you, the chances of them staying with you go up exponentially. When you are afraid of that person leaving you, you telegraph it in really small ways that are imperceptible perhaps to your conscious mind, but she's picking up on that shit unconsciously and it's making her less attracted to you.

5:15 For example, the simple question like who you're going with or when she's texting with somebody, you pause a little bit and kind of try to look at her phone or worse yet, trying to put rules in place about what she can and cannot do. And the analogy I like to use in this situation is like the air passing by your hand. If you try to clutch that air, it actually goes around your hand and you make it elude you. Whereas if you open your hand, which is an analogy for letting go, you possess the air completely.

5:44 So on a fundamental attraction basis, the first point is letting her go and not giving a shit and being willing to fucking drop her, which I'm going to get into in a second, is really attractive because you don't have that neediness. It's derived of security. It's derived of confidence. It's derived of abundance. And it's derived of knowing that if she leaves, you're going to have another girl in your bed by tomorrow night. And when she senses that from you, it's extremely attractive. And thus, her chances of leaving you go down exponentially.

6:16 Now, I want to look at this from a more spiritual perspective. Okay, love is open. It lets go of. In fact, in the Tao Te Ching, it says, when you truly love something, you're willing to let it go. Fear, on the other hand, holds tight. Fears, loss, clutches, prohibits, is jealous, and is insecure. So when you truly love something, you're willing to let it go and you're willing to let it be exactly what it wants to be without trying to bind it or without trying to make it adhere to your rigid expectations of it.

6:51 So the best way to be in a relationship is to let the person be exactly who the fuck they are and stop trying to make rules about what they should and shouldn't do. Love actually lets go of. And if that person wants to leave you, so be it. You're willing to drop them at the flip of a switch because, as I mentioned earlier, you're secure with your life. You have an abundant mentality. You don't care that if she drops you, then it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

7:17 So you're not going to try to hold on to it. You're willing to fucking drop it. Now, this goes to my third point that when a woman acts up, when a woman does some shit that you don't like, be willing to fucking drop her. At the flip of the switch, boys, be willing mentally to walk around the corner, see her making out with another dude, and be like, okay, whatever. It is what it is. Why? Because I don't need this chick. I want this chick. And certainly in my situation, if Marissa were to break up with me, I'd be bummed.

7:47 I definitely would. But she has no illusions, bro. Like, she knows I'd be back out there and I'd have another girl on my bed in, like, two nights, dude. And you know what? That's kind of exciting. I'm going to be honest with you. Like, the reason I'm so secure in my relationship is because I know if she left me, there's probably damn good reason, and it wasn't meant to be in the first place. And secondly, I could go out there and have amazing experiences and probably meet another soulmate that's just as amazing as she is, maybe even better in certain ways, and have a great relationship with that person.

8:18 So I'm in a fully abundant mindset. It's like I have a delicious steak in front of me, and I really want to eat it, but I know if it's taken away, there's like 65,000 other steaks. It's in the kitchen waiting to be delivered to me, so what's the big fucking deal? Now, again, this isn't apathetic. This isn't derived of fear. This isn't derived of selfishness or being a closed-off shell. This is actually derived of love because I'm letting her do exactly what she wants to do, and if she deals with me or our relationship in a disrespectful way, such as cheating on me, for example, she is fucking done.

8:52 And she knows that. The second her lips touch another guy's lips, she's done. Now, again, and I really have to stress this, this isn't from apathy. This isn't from some nihilistic, evil perspective. It's from love. It's from love of her. It's from love of myself. It's from abundance knowing that I can love another woman just as easily. Now, I don't want to downplay how important this woman is to me, and I don't want to downplay how important a woman or a man is to you if you're dating them.

9:22 You want them, but you don't need them, and that's the overall point. I want you to stay, but I don't need you to. So beat it if you want to leave. Now, this is why, in the beginning of the relationship, when you set boundaries, you say the quintessential sentence, hey, listen, if this is a deal breaker for you, I totally understand. Just let me know. Now, guys, I really want you to hear this. You don't have malicious intent behind what you're saying. You don't have jealousy, passive aggressiveness, or any aggressiveness whatsoever behind that statement.

9:52 It simply is what it is. I will let you go. I will drop you at the flip of a switch because I know that I could get 10,000 other ones just as quickly. I like you, and I want to keep doing laps around the track with you, but if you're not into it, then why would I want to be in that? Why would I want to hold you to something you don't want to do? And if you're going to go cheat on me, if you're going to lie to me, better I don't be with you in the first place because you're dishonest.

10:18 So whatever she's going to do is whatever she's going to do. It is what it is. And that's the genius behind that statement. It is what it is. Let life flow like smoke in your lungs from puffing on the endo. So many of us are so damn controlling. We're so needy. We want to manifest X result. But I tell you, your life becomes so much easier when you just let go and let be. Or for those of you who are religious or spiritual like I am, let go and let God.

10:48 Because you don't know what will manifest out of X, Y, Z situation. You don't have the total picture. So stop trying to control it. It reminds me of a Zen proverb where in Japan, this Zen master lived in a Japanese city and he had this really good reputation as being this enlightened being, this amazing Zen master. People used to come to him for coaching. He was super successful. Then one day, a young girl who lived next door got pregnant. And she said that it was the Zen master that impregnated her, even though it wasn't true.

11:18 So when the girl had the baby, the parents of the girl knocked on the Zen master's door and said, hey, you impregnated our daughter. Here's your kid, you asshole. You're a piece of shit. You take care of this kid. So the Zen master said, oh, is that so? Okay, I'll take care of the kid. So he takes care of the kid for the next six months. His reputation is absolutely destroyed. People don't come to see him. People don't want his advice. People think that he's a real piece of shit.

11:43 But he doesn't care. He's just in the present moment taking care of this kid because he understands the universal truth that no matter what life brings you, there's always a piece of growth that can come from it. And if you want to extend this analogy down the hall of mirrors, down to its fundamental base, whatever happens to you is there to happen to you for your optimal growth. So accept it. Accept it as if you chose it. Now, of course, this warrants its own podcast episode about when to let go, when to resist, and how to deal with those life situations, which we don't have time to get into on this one.

12:19 But getting back to the story, the Zen master accepts the child, takes care of it for six months, is in the present moment with it, loves it, teaches it, and has a really good experience, a personal experience of being a quote unquote father for about six months. Then finally, the mother of the child breaks down, admits that the father is actually a boy who works at the fish market. So the parents go over to the Zen master's house, knock on the door and say, hey, we're so sorry.

12:47 Our daughter admitted that it wasn't you. We feel really terrible about this. But could we please have the kid back? So the Zen master says, oh, is that so? Yeah, for sure. Here's the kid back. And then his reputation was restored, 10x what it was before. More and more people came to him. And he was even more quote unquote successful than he was before. But you see, he doesn't label success. He doesn't cling on to what he thinks should be happening. He's not shooting all over himself, as you shouldn't do when you're dealing with women.

13:19 So guys, the willingness to drop a girl and girls listening, the willingness to drop a dude at the flip of a switch not only is derived of strength, derived of abundance, and even, yes, derived of love, but it keeps your heart safe in the way that I always suggest. Don't let yourself go and fall in love with somebody until they're already in love with you. Now, this is a difficult thing to coach on. This is a difficult thing to explain. But listen, when you're in the dating pool, and I'm going to be straight up honest with you, usually I only say this in the coaching room because it's a controversial concept.

13:55 But when you're in the dating realm, you are playing with fire, okay? And the fire is your emotions. If you're a dumbass and you let your emotions slip away before you have any kind of security in them, then that's setting yourself up for failure. That's setting yourself up for a broken heart. That's setting yourself up to get used, to get stomped on, to be a floor mat, as so many of us have. So what I always tell my clients is, listen, kind of keep yourself guarded, kind of keep yourself in a state of, I will drop you at the flip of a switch.

14:26 And again, guys, not maliciously, but in fact, quite unemotionally, where you're like, listen, like whatever happens, happens. I like you. I want you, but I don't need you. But I'm willing to drop you at the flip of a switch. That's going to protect you from getting stomped on, as so many of you guys have, including me. Bro, my first girlfriend, my first love cheated on me. And I heard her having sex in her dorm room with another dude when I was like at the peak of my inloveness with this chick.

14:54 Do you understand the pain that manifested out of that situation? A lot of you guys do. So what I teach my clients is, listen, kind of keep her at arm's length. And this goes into what I teach being the 80-100 rule. Giving her about 80% of your attention, being available about 80% of what she wants from you, texting her about 80% of what she texts you. And yes, giving her about 80% of your feelings, your emotions, your love as she's giving you. Now, again, you may think that this comes from scarcity, comes from maliciousness.

15:27 But really, when you love your life, there's not a lot of neediness that happens when you meet a chick. Like, you want her, but you don't need her. And oftentimes, that neediness, that falling in love feeling, comes from a state of neediness, insecurity, not having enough, and not feeling like enough. Like, if you ever say a chick, you complete me, right? Like, you complete me. Dude, that's a bad state to come from, bro, because that's showing that you don't feel like you're enough in your life.

15:55 You don't feel content. You don't enjoy your own company enough to the point where you think this woman completes you. No, no, no, no. No girl will ever complete me because I'm complete on my own. I stand on my own two feet. And so when I go into a relationship with a chick or I start dating her, six months goes by, I'm starting to catch some major feelings. I'm always monitoring what's going on with her. And guys, never tell a woman you're in love with her first because not only does that set you up to get your heart broken, it's extremely unattractive if she's not in love with you first.

16:27 I always say, and I want you to really concentrate. I know we're 20 minutes in. Some of you guys are losing focus now, but I want you to really focus on this, okay? The person who wants the least is the one who's in control. You, as the man, have to be in control in order to keep this girl attracted to you. So you have to control not only your red-helmeted warrior in your pants, but your heart by always having abundance, by always maybe even talking to other girls unless you have a commitment with this chick, by always knowing that you could go get somebody else if push came to shove.

16:58 So you guys are dating, she's starting to fall in love, and she confesses to you like, hey, I'm in love with you. Then you can go ahead and let yourself go. Because the only way to guarantee that a woman is going to be loyal to you is if she's super in love with you. Really, that's it. There's no premarital agreement. There's no handshake. There's no, oh, you got to promise me you're not going to cheat on me. There's none of that bullshit because, as I've explained to you in last week's podcast, women act on their emotions.

17:25 If you didn't listen to that episode, it's called The Second Mind of Women and How to Access It. Women act on their emotions, so you need to keep her in an emotional state of being highly sprung on you or even in love with you. And you do that by kind of holding yourself back. Again, the 80-100 rule. Giving her about 80% of the attention, the compliments, the amount of hanging out that she wants to give you. This will put you in the power position. This will protect your heart.

17:55 And this will probably make her fall in love with you in which now you can be secure that she won't leave you. But, like, I don't want you guys to feel any insecurity because if she does leave you, like I said, you can go get another girl. You need to think abundance, bro. Like, I have no illusions that Marissa is my only soulmate. Like, there's only one, bro. There's only one. Bullshit. Bull fucking shit. Bullshit. Anybody who believes that, sorry, bro. I completely fucking disagree. There are thousands, maybe even millions of women out there who I could settle down with and have an amazing life with.

18:27 And, yes, I can go yank them tomorrow. That's the way I think. So, look, I love my relationship with Marissa. And why does longevity dictate a successful relationship in so many people's lives? What the fuck does longevity have to do with it? If Marissa cheated on me, right, like she's out this weekend, if she cheated on me, dude, it was a successful relationship. That ended in an unfortunate way. But is it really unfortunate? What if the next girl I meet is better to support me in my next goal and the next best version of myself?

18:59 Does that mean my relationship with Marissa, who I've been with for several years, and who has backed me to the point where I've reached this level of excellence in my podcast, in my coaching, in my physical health, in my spiritual health, all that? Was that a failure? Fuck no. Massive success. And we have a kid together who's a beautiful, intelligent, just gorgeous little girl. Super success. So, all these preconceived notions, these shoulds that we as human beings put on relationships are what cause them to unravel.

19:30 You got to let that person be who the fuck they want to be. Let them walk their path and stop trying to make them walk your path that you set out for them. Let them be who they are. You be who you are. And boys, be willing to drop these chicks at the flip of a switch. If they fuck with you, if they do anything you deem as unacceptable, you're like, hey, sorry, that's a deal breaker. Goodbye. And oftentimes, when you say goodbye, when you show them your willingness to walk away, that's when they're going to stay with you, ironically enough.

20:00 And that's why the old saying goes, if you really love something, let it go. And that's why this is derived of love. It's not derived of fear. The thing that's derived of fear is your prenuptial agreement. You're begging her not to cheat on you. You trying to marry her as soon as possible so she doesn't leave you because you have a scarcity mindset. That's fear. Scarcity is fear. Abundance is love. Abundance is courage. So, as we date this woman, whatever, man. You want to go fucking out?

20:28 Go ahead. I don't give a shit. Now, again, that doesn't come from a passive-aggressive insecurity where you're like, oh, okay, go ahead. I don't care. Meanwhile, you're sitting in the corner of your room masturbating in a puddle of your own tears because you're so afraid this chick is going to leave you. That's a bad place to come from, bro. So, if you're in that situation, my first advice would be to work on yourself. Start enjoying your own company. Start loving yourself. Because when you do, you really don't care that much.

20:55 If somebody walks up to your doorstep and says, hey, you had sex with my daughter. Here's the baby that came of it. And your reputation is worried because you understand that the total picture always has your development as its number one goal. So, I'm going to tell you, whatever happens to you in your life, brother, you attract it to yourself for your optimal development. And that should be the most important thing to you. Not if this chick leaves you because she's so banging and you don't think you're going to get another one.

21:22 Your development is what's most important to you, the next best version of yourself that you're creating. And whatever life hands you, it's for that optimal goal. Remember that, man. That's been one of the biggest secrets to my happiness. That no matter what calamity comes, I always say to myself, this is for the best, man. How can I leverage this? How can I use this? How can I lean into this to bring me to the next best level of myself? And that's happened to me many times.

21:50 So, I hope this philosophy has helped you. I hope it's opened your eyes and I hope it's given you some insight to be secure in your dating situation. Because not only are there millions and billions of girls out there that you could be with, but the most important thing is you could be happy alone. Because you should enjoy your own company. You should look yourself in the mirror and say, you are my hero, bro. I love you, man. I'm proud of you, brother. If you're not to that point, then you will be needy in relationship.

22:18 So, don't think relationship will complete you. You need to complete yourself first before you can even have a successful relationship. As cliche as that may sound, it's goddamn true. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. If you'd like to meet with me for a free one-on-one breakthrough session to see if you're a good fit for my coaching program, where you're probably going to get laid within the first few weeks, then go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com. You can also click the link in the description below.

22:47 Fill out the quick application, slap in the goddamn, and you and I will get on a one-on-one call together and see if I can help you the way I consistently help my guys get unprecedented success with women. I look forward to meeting you soon. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.