What 99.99% of guys GET WRONG with girls

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? It's Mark Sing from the UMP. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the Unapologetic Man Podcast. So this is actually perfect because I just recorded a 20-minute podcast and realized that my microphone wasn't working. So this is a perfect lead-in into this podcast about reactivity because guys who are unattractive to women react to the outside world and get pushed to and fro by the negative circumstances in their life and let that affect their state.

0:53 Women are not attracted to guys who get emotional by negative things happening to them, by mistakes happening, by her pushing his buttons. They don't get negativity into their lives because they have high testosterone. Women are attractive to men who have high masculinity and high testosterone. And what does that mean? That means when something happens to them, they don't react to it. They just deal with it. So I like to imagine it as like a battled, scarred Spartan, right? Imagine a Spartan warrior. Six foot three, fucking ripped.

1:29 Scars all over his face, all over his body. And this little 11-year-old girl comes up to him and says, Oh my God, your sword is so stupid. Would he react to that? Of course not. It's almost laughable to think what his reaction would be. But I'll tell you exactly what it would be. He would look down at her with his eyes and then just keep looking forward and ignore her. Or he would look down at her with his eyes, his eyes only, and laugh and then keep looking forward.

1:57 Like, aren't you cute? Okay. So this is a huge example for reactivity. I was filming this thing. It didn't record properly. Meh. Whatever. Do it again. Good. I'm glad it didn't record because honestly, that first take wasn't that great. I'm going to do a lot better on this one. All right. So the principle here is this, guys, is that if you are reacting more to a woman than she's reacting to you, she will not get attracted to you. Once again, if you're reacting more than she is, she will not get attracted to you.

2:29 And I thought about this because the other night I was out at a bar and I was watching a guy talk to this really pretty girl. I think she was a promotional model. She looked like kind of one of those monster energy promotional model chicks, right? Super hot. And this guy is leaning in. He's got a big smile on his face. He's nodding vigorously to everything she says. He's not breaking eye contact. This conversation is the most important thing that ever happened to this guy. Why?

2:57 Because it doesn't get girls. And that is clearly communicated to her by him reacting to her rather than her reacting to him. She, on the other hand, was laid back. She's leaning against the table. She's very chill. Clearly, she doesn't care what happens in this conversation. So she's being less reactive. And therefore, he didn't get her attracted to him. He asked for the phone number. She said, no. Sorry, I have a boyfriend. And that happens to guys all the time because it's like so important to these guys to try to get this girl's number.

3:31 They are reacting to her. They are reacting to her. Or they're throwing stuff out there and trying to get a reaction out of her. Trying. Now, this really comes down to masculinity and femininity, doesn't it? Masculinity is stalwart. It is less reactive. Femininity is the reactive one. It's the one that gets emotional. So when the podcast didn't record, if I got all pissed off and destroyed my sound studio, that's being reactive. That's being in my feminine energy. But because I'm a man and because I'm the host of the Unapologetic Man podcast, I was like, good.

4:07 Glad that happened. Let's fucking do it again. Don't be a little pussy about it. Don't start crying. Just do it again. And that's what a man does. So here's a good example, okay? I often say to girls, hey, do you like to travel? And they're like, yes. And then I push them very gently by the arm away from me and I say, travel over there. Now, they always get very kind of offended, but it's like a huge boost of attraction, kind of offended. And then they hit me in the arm.

4:33 Now, who's reacting to who there? Obviously, she's reacting to me because I did something and she's like, oh, my God, I can't believe you did that. And she hits me in the arm. If I equally react to her and say, oh, my God, I can't believe you hit me in the arm. I just lost all my points right there. But instead, what I do is I look down at my arm, kind of like that Spartan, right? Like real slowly, look down at my arm and then look at her.

4:56 And with a completely straight face, say, you're going to pay for that. Now, that shows masculinity, doesn't it? I mean, imagine that whole situation. And I do that on purpose because it's showing her that I'm less reactive than she is. And once again, guys, you have to be less reactive to these girls. The conversation has to be less important to you. This is why girls who you're not attracted to always get attracted to you because you're not trying to get anything from them. You're not trying to get a reaction out of them.

5:25 Even you don't fucking care what happens. You treat them exactly as you treat everybody else. Now, if you could just do that with the hot chicks, then you would get hotter girls attracted to you. Why? Because hot girls are always experiencing these guys who are making bumbling bathoons out of themselves when they talk to them. They're leaning in, they're smiling, they're clearly affected by her hotness. But if you could just be unaffected, completely normal, and yes, less reactive than she is, your chances of getting her attracted to you, even without all the awesome lines and techniques that I teach, go up exponentially.

6:05 Why? Because hot girls aren't even used to dudes who can just be normal around them. So when you're normal around them, when you don't have a supplication tone in your voice, when your body language is dismissive, when you're even looking around the room while you're talking to them like you don't really care, and frankly, this isn't the most interesting conversation ever, and I'm looking around for other stimulus, the same thing that hot chicks do to you, girls will get way more attracted to you. All right, so let's talk about some of the techniques that you can deploy when talking to women to communicate this fact that you don't give a shit.

6:40 Okay, first of all is your philosophy. There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you miss this bus, you'll just take the next one. All girls are a practice. Quality comes from quantity, which means you're talking to tons of girls, so really you don't give a shit. She's just practice. That's what I always think. You're just practice, whatever. I don't care what happens. Secondly, dismissive body language. People who point their toes, their hips, and their shoulders at somebody else are clearly trying to get into rapport with that person.

7:12 The guy who was talking to this hot promotional model, he was all in, bro. He was locked and loaded, dude. Toes, knees, hips, chest, shoulders, face, all pointed directly at her. Her, on the other hand, she kind of had offset body language. Her toes were pointed past him. Her shoulders were a little bit turned. She had her arms in front of her, guarding herself. Very clear who's more reactive than the other one. Okay, secondly, is your tone of voice. How do you speak to her? As I always say to my clients, talk to girls like they're a 13-year-old girl on your soccer team.

7:47 Now, once again, that's not to be condescending. I'm not saying women are less than us. I'm just saying we want to control the frame. As the man, as the masculine energy, we lead. She follows. We lead. She reacts. We put out content. She reacts to it. If we're reacting to it, then we're in the feminine role, and that's why they're not getting attracted to you. Okay, so tonality, right? If you're like, so where are you from? Oh, my God, you're so beautiful. Do you come here often?

8:17 Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, like that, right? Of course, not going to get attracted to you. But instead, you have an authoritative tonality, which is a downward inflection at the end of what you say. So where are you from? Just like I'm talking to you now, just like you talk to your little brother or your little sister or your cousin or somebody who works for you or whatever. That's the same vibe you want to bring into hot girls. Even if you have to imagine her as a 400-pound bertha, fine.

8:47 Do it. I've done that many times. In fact, I often tell the story to my clients about when I was in Thailand. Well, this hot chick, one of the hottest chicks I ever saw in my life, was standing outside the hotel. So I'm like, goddamn, I got to go talk to this girl. And it's awesome when you're traveling because you always have an excuse to open, right? It's like, where's this? Where's that? So I talked to this girl. We hit it off awesome. And then we plan to meet later.

9:10 Well, I go back into the hotel. And the front desk guy is like, hey, bro, come here, come here, come here, come here. And he's like, you know that girl you were talking to? And I was like, yeah. He's like, yeah, that was a dude. And I was like, what? Are you serious? He's like, yeah, that was a dude. There's a lot of trainees in Thailand, apparently. So that was a dude. And from that, I always think to myself, like when the girl's really hot, I'm like, this could be a dude.

9:32 I'm going to talk to her like she's a dude. Of course, I'm not going to talk to her like she's a dude. That's not really the right way to say it. But I'm going to talk to her like I don't give a shit what happens because there's a fucking cock in her pants, right? Like I don't care. I'm still going to be charismatic. I'm still going to drop charisma. I'm still going to flirt. But it's like I don't give a shit because, bro, we don't know.

9:53 Maybe she has bad breath. Maybe she has a freaking crazy laugh. Maybe her pussy stinks. Maybe she farts a lot. We don't know. So stop giving them so much credit. Stop being so reactive to every little thing she does. Another strategy is to lean back a little bit. Always be comfortable, okay? So your comfort is more important to you than the conversation. So you want to be leaning on something, maybe even sitting down. If you're putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation to talk to her, such as being in a high traffic area and getting bumped by people, leaning over a railing, twisting your neck in a weird way in order to talk to her, that communicates a very bad thing.

10:34 That communicates that her conversation is more important to you than your own comfort, and that's being reactive, which once again is a feminine energy. Feminine energies do not attract women. Okay, now from an emotional standpoint, just like when this podcast didn't film, I didn't let myself get emotional. Because when you get emotional, and you get down, or you get really happy, or whatever it may be, that's communicating to her that the outside circumstances of your life are affecting your inner state. And when that happens, that's feminine.

11:09 Remember, femininity is affected by the outside circumstances. Masculinity is stalwart, ensconced, solid, on that inner balance point, like that Spartan standing there, right? Imagine a really masculine guy. Does he get thrown to and fro by the outside circumstances of his life? No. He's in control. He's straddling that inner balance point. And we want to do this with girls, too. If she says something mean to you, and you get butthurt about it, you're being reactive. You are showing her that you are in your feminine energy. But if she says something mean to you, like, oh my god, those pants are horrible.

11:46 And you say, look, I know you're trying to take off my pants right now, but relax. This isn't the time or the place for that. That's the perfect answer. Because you're flipping it. If she says to me, oh my god, you have such a big nose, then you agree and amplify. I know. I love this nose. When I wake up in the morning, I can smell the coffee at my next door neighbor's house. I love it. She's a great brewer. Great coffee every morning. And then she laughs.

12:09 You're not affected by the negativity of her. Okay, so smiling a lot. Smiling needs to be very calibrated. Sometimes I have a very, like, relaxed, masculine look on my face. Unaffected. No reaction whatsoever. Other times I smile based on the interaction. It's very similar to, like, if I'm just talking to a whoever. I'm not going to smile unless there's reason to smile. I'm not going to laugh unless there's reason to laugh. I'm not going to lean in and gain rapport unless there's reason to. If you were talking to a fat girl and she brought up something that you disagree with, you wouldn't be afraid to disagree with her.

12:46 But I have to put a caveat on this. It's disagree with her with the right energy. If you disagree with her and get butthurt about it, if you get angry, if you bring that angry energy into the conversation, what is that? Well, you know what it is. It's feminine energy, isn't it? So when we disagree with women, it's like unaffected. Whatever. You think Donald Trump sucks? Whatever. That's cool. I think he's great. Or vice versa. You think Donald Trump's great? I disagree with that. I think he's a fucking idiot.

13:17 So you're stalwart in your opinion. You're willing to disagree with her, but you never, under any circumstance, bring that negative energy into it because, again, emotions are feminine. Negative energy is feminine. And she sees that from you as being reactive, and therefore she doesn't get attracted to you. All right, guys. So from today forward, here's what I want you to do. First of all, I want you to be less reactive than the girls you're talking to. Don't take this the wrong way. Don't be an asshole.

13:48 Just pretend like you're speaking to a freaking heifer, and don't give a shit about what happens. Okay? You still want to be charismatic. You still want to give value. All the things I've spoken about. But look, being outcome independent, not giving a shit what happens is huge because then you're going to be less reactive. Secondly, watch people's interactions. In every interaction between two people, somebody is controlling the frame. The other person is following the frame. Somebody is more reactive. The other person is less reactive. Look who it is who's less reactive, and you will see that they are the person who is in control of the frame.

14:24 And if it's a woman speaking to a man, and the man is less reactive than the woman is, she's probably getting attracted to him. This kind of stuff fascinates me. I watch it all the time. You see frame control battles. You see the nuances of reactivity. And you really start to realize, okay, this is how it works. It's the leader slash sidekick vibe. There is no begging a woman to have sex with you. There is no trying to convince her. There is no using rapport, which is what we do with friends, in order to get a girl attracted to us.

14:59 The way girls get attracted to us is when they become our little sidekick and we tuck them under the wing and take them with us on a fantastic journey. When something goes wrong, we don't get all butthurt about it. We don't get all like woes me about anything. We are in control, and that's what gets attraction, being less reactive than she is. So important. All right, guys. Well, that's it for this episode. I do appreciate you listening. I know your time is very valuable. This was a little bit of a difficult concept to communicate, so I kind of hope it got through to you.

15:33 I kind of hope it woke something up in you where you can look at both yourself and others and realize what you've been doing wrong and then look at others and see how this reactivity and frame control plays out in relationships. It's going to radically improve your interactions with women. Once again, just think to yourself, look, she's a Bertha. She's 300 pounds. Maybe your pussy smells. If I miss this bus, I'll just get the next one. Plenty of fish in the sea. From quantity comes quality and all these things that I've taught, and then you're going to be less reactive.

16:04 You're not going to be that beta cuck who has a shit-eating grin on his face and is leaning in, smiling, focusing all his attention on these chicks and therefore failing to get them attracted to him. Instead, you're going to be the alpha, the cool guy. You're still going to be fun. You're still going to be respectful. You're still going to give her lots of good value, but you're not going to be reactive. You're not going to be emotional. You're not going to try to get anything from her.

16:30 Instead, you're going to give to her. And what are you giving her? Your masculine energy because you're a fucking man without making any apologies for it. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.