When Life Hands You a Crippling Challenge: CELEBRATE (Such an Important Episode)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen and ladies? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. Now, this one, we're going to have to hold back the tears, boys, because I'm going to go deep into the rabbit hole about when life hands you a shit sandwich. Celebrate, because those situations that were given to you that are seemingly out of calamity and bad luck are actually some of the best things that ever happened to you.

0:43 Now, when I tell you guys to be genuine to women, when I tell you guys to light yourself on fire and let other people watch you burn, there's a big point behind that. Because when you're genuine, you will be successful. Now, certainly when it comes to attracting women, there's always a balance when it comes to showing them your authenticity. But when you have a business such as this one, I'll tell you what, if you're trying to be an entrepreneur, if you're trying to be a personality, a YouTube host, or whatever it is that you're trying to do, be genuine.

1:12 Light yourself on fire and let other people watch you burn and you will have success. So I'm going to do that today. I'm going to tell you guys some extremely personal information about something that happened to my daughter. She's three and a half years old and her name is Lucia. I'm going to tell you what happened to her in the last few weeks and tell you how that brought me closer to her, how that brought me closer to my woman, Marissa, and how that calamity, as well as other calamities that both I, as well as you, have suffered from, have actually made me into the best man I possibly can be.

1:42 And that's what I want to get into today. Before I jump into the content, I just received an email that seems to go perfectly into this episode. And that's the way the universe is, isn't it? It just is serendipitous when you believe in it. And when you live in the flow, things just tend to work out. Things just happen to line up and coincidences, which I believe there are no coincidences, happen all the time. So I just received the most heartfelt email I've ever received, probably in my life, from a dude named Nick.

2:11 Now, I'm not going to tell his full name because I don't know if he wants me to put his information out there. So I'm just going to give a general outline of what he wrote to me and how it pertains to this episode. So Nick writes me and he said that he was addicted to drugs with his wife and he was in a state of depravity, just doing whatever it took to fulfill this drug addiction, which happens to many drug addicts because you literally get physically dependent on it.

2:35 That's why they say I need to get well, because at a certain point, it doesn't even get you high anymore. It just keeps you well so you don't get sick. So Nick and his wife were living on the streets. They were breaking into Home Depot shelters in order to have some shelter to do their drugs and to have some shelter for the evening. And they found out they were pregnant. And when they got pregnant, his wife said to him, I will do whatever it takes to have this baby.

2:58 And Nick looked her in the eyes and said, I'm going to get sober. I'm going to get a job and I'm going to get us out of this predicament. And sure enough, Nick found a job cleaning Walmart parking lots at night. And both him and his wife got off drugs. They got a place to live and they had a very healthy baby. During that time, Nick was listening to my podcast and he actually wrote me back in 2018 and said how much the podcast was affecting him and motivating him to change his life, embrace his masculinity and ask himself, what would love do now?

3:29 So they had the baby and through Nick's perseverance, he was able to get better and better jobs by being a go-giver, going out there and giving good energy, being cool to people and asking all the time what would love do in this situation. Eventually, they got a good job. They found a better place to live and they had a second baby. They thought he was going to be a boy and get this, guys. They were going to name it Mark after me. They were going to name the baby after me because I guess this podcast has affected both Nick and his wife and she listens too.

3:59 Obviously, they cherry pick the content and listen to the Art of Living episodes rather than the How to Get Girls episodes, which frankly are my favorite episodes to record. And this too is such an episode. So when they found out they were going to have a girl, they actually made her middle name Sing, my last name. And man, that brought me to tears, brother Nick. I got to tell you, man, that really shed a tear in my non-shooting eye when I read that this morning. It was just the lift I needed after the nightmare two weeks that I just had.

4:27 So I want to share what just happened to me and my family as Nick just shared what happened to him and his family because I really think that when you put yourself out there, it not only benefits you, but it also benefits others. Marissa, my woman, tells me all the time that this podcast is cathartic for me. It's a way for me to sort out my thoughts and to heal. And that's absolutely true, but I hope that this can affect you as well. So what happened to me is my daughter got really, really, really fucking sick.

4:54 She caught what's called hand, foot, and mouth disease, which is a really common sickness that kids get in daycare. And they basically get a rash all over their bodies. They get mouth sores. They get a fever and they get really sick. But on top of that, she also got strep throat. So she got hand, foot, and mouth, strep throat, and a sinus infection, and scarlet fever, which often comes with strep throat. So this little girl was absolutely decimated. And for about 10 days, Marissa, my woman, and I were just taking care of her.

5:26 We took her to the emergency room several times to try to get her hydrated because she was obviously getting dehydrated. And they didn't figure out that she had strep throat until much later. So they diagnosed her with hand, foot, and mouth, but they didn't know about the strep. And they didn't exactly know what was going on with her. So some doctors were guessing that she had this thing called Kawasaki disease. Now, Kawasaki disease, left untreated, can become fatal because it affects the heart. And that's going to play into this story.

5:53 So after about 10 days, we're like, man, this is crazy. We got to get her into the ER, and we got to get an IV into her and get her some liquids. Because up until that point, they just were forcing like apple juice on her, and she was kind of staying hydrated. But at this point, she was getting so dehydrated, they needed to do something extreme. Now, I don't know how much you guys know about me, but when I was 10 years old, my dad died, and I started insulting myself.

6:17 My mom took me to the psychiatrist, and unbeknownst to me, the psychiatrist ordered up blood work. So they took me in the back. I had no idea what was happening. And suddenly, they stick a needle in my arm, and I'm like, what the literal fuck is happening? And I had a panic attack. During that panic attack, I had three nurses hold me down. So imagine my extreme anxiety when we take my daughter into the hospital. They're trying to put an IV into her, and she's screaming, just like I did when I was 10 years old.

6:45 And there's nurses holding her down, trying to get this IV into her. Well, I'll tell you what, that almost gave me a panic attack, and you could probably hear in my voice that. It really shook me up, man. And it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But the hardest moment is about to come. So they get the IV in her, and she's kind of starting to feel better. She's getting liquids in her. And they're like, look, we have to transport her to a different hospital.

7:06 She needs to stay overnight. And I was really against this idea because I just don't like hospitals, man. They just, to me, there's a lot of negligence. I mean, I know they try to do their best, but as my story is going to demonstrate, it's just always a bad experience. I don't know if you guys have been in the hospital, but it's always like just a fucking dumpster fire, a total shit show, and I wanted to avoid it. But Marissa's mom and Marissa's sister are nurses, and they said, look, she really needs to get hydrated.

7:32 She needs to get taken care of. Let's get her into that hospital. So we get transported to a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. It's about an hour north of Denver. And we're in there, and two doctors walk in, a male and a female. And the first thing they say to us is, I'm sitting there with my daughter on her hospital bed. She's getting hydrated. She's watching some Peppa Pig on my phone. The first thing this dude says to me is he's like, we need to test your daughter right now because we think she has a life-threatening disease.

7:57 And I was like, whoa, dude, what the literal fuck? And then at that moment, I had the same anxiety I used to have back in Japan to which I thought I completely transcended, right? In this podcast, I talk about all the effects that NLP has had on me. I've talked about all the adversity I've been through to make me into the man I am today. But that shit was like the perfect fucking storm to bring me back into my anxiety and almost gave me a panic attack.

8:22 Now, fortunately, I have tools to be able to deal with that stuff, and I utilized all of them, and I've since done a ton of NLP on myself. And I feel like I've really healed from it, and I'm able to move past it, thus growing from it. But at that moment, that was the second worst moment of my life, the worst moments about to come. So homeboy says to me, we think your daughter has a life-threatening illness. And I'm like, bro, check your bedside manner. Like, is that what you do?

8:46 You fucking come into people's rooms and just terrify the shit out of their parents in a children's hospital like this? And I look at him, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, man. Take it easy, okay? She's been diagnosed with hand, foot, and mouth, strep, throat, as well as a sinus infection. So this Kawasaki disease, we've already talked about it with other doctors. We don't think that's what she has, but sure, go ahead and run your tests. So they're like looking in her mouth, and they're doing all this test, and they're like, look, we need to run a blood test, and we need to run an EKG, which is basically a scan of the heart.

9:17 And we said, okay, why do you need to do that? And they said, because if it's Kawasaki disease, her heart will be dilated or something like that in a certain way, so we need to check it out. So while they're getting all this ready, Lucia has a complete fucking temper tantrum. Now, she's got IVs in her arm. She's in the hospital bed, which she's been in for probably 16 hours. And this little kid, like think about it, a three-year-old, you can't rationalize with them. You can't say, hey, you need to sit in this hospital bed and not rip that IV out of your arm because it's better for you.

9:46 No, no, no, no. She's like, I want to go home. I want to go home. And she's screaming and crying. And this was the hardest moment of my life because I had to hold her down for 15 minutes, pinning her to the bed as she had a panic attack, trying to take the IV out of her arm, ripping at the tubes coming out of her arm, trying to rip it out, saying, get it out of me, just as I did when I was 10 years old, screaming, get the needle out of me, get the needle out of me.

10:10 And by the way, as you could probably tell, I had to pause a few times to cry out of my non-shooting eye, man, because that shit fucked me up. It completely fucked me up. It was the worst fucking moment of my life. And Marissa, God bless her, man. She is the strongest, most unbelievable woman with a heart of gold. She was so strong through this whole thing. She slept with Lucia every fucking night for 10 days. Lucia waking up every 10 minutes, crying and wanting milk, but not being able to drink it because she had all these mouth sores.

10:37 And Marissa just kept her attitude up and just kept that strong female presence the whole time. Meanwhile, I'm this close to a fucking panic attack because this is lining up into everything that I swear to God I fear, right? Lines up into my past trauma with hospitals. Lines up into my biggest fear of all, which is my daughter coming down with some life-threatening disease. Lining up with me having to pin her there, just like those three nurses pinned me there, trying to rip out the IV out of her arm, just like I tried to rip it out when they took blood from me.

11:08 So it's like the universe has a way to give you challenges that just line up perfectly with everything that you fear. It's so crazy. And it goes into the adage that what you fear, you attract. And I believe that happens so that we can grow. That the entire purpose of life is to attract to ourselves situations and circumstances that we can transcend in order to grow. So in a way, and I know this sounds crazy and it's very difficult for me to think this way, but in a way, I feel that that was a gift that was given to me, that was given to Marissa, that was even given to Lucia in order for all of us to grow past it and for us to grow closer together.

11:48 So back to the story, I'm holding her down. She had a 30-minute temper tantrum. Now, a few days before, she got a couple antibiotic shots. And thank God, man, right around this time, her fever broke. She started getting hydrated again. And after that 30-minute temper tantrum to where Marissa actually had to leave, Marissa started crying after freaking two weeks of keeping a straight face, not shedding one goddamn tear. When she saw that happening, she lost it. And I looked at her and I said, I'm going to take care of this.

12:15 I fucking got this. And I got highly into my masculine. And I said, I will not let this little girl pull this IV out of her arm. I will not let this go to shambles. I'm going to keep her here because this is the best thing for her. So part of me was like, dude, you're hurting her. You're doing the same shit that happened to you. But the other part, the bigger part, the masculine part, the spiritual part, the part that's seated in love said, I need to do this for her.

12:38 And that's what a fucking man does. He does what's hard in order to take care of those who he loves, just like what Nick did. And by the way, just like what Nick's wife did too, because she had to kick that addiction. She had to have the baby. They're both fucking warriors. And I salute you guys. I love you guys. You guys are goddamn champions. And little Singh, I love you too. Follow the good example of your parents because they are absolute warriors. So back to the story.

13:05 Finally, she starts kind of kicking the fever. She starts feeling a little bit better. They do the EKG on her. Fortunately, she was so wiped out by her temper tantrum that they were able to do it. Results came back as normal. And they're like, but we want to keep her here for a few more days to really analyze her and see how she's doing. And I'm like, listen, she's fine. She wants to go home. She needs to go home. It's obviously not Kawasaki disease. It's obviously hand, foot and mouth, strep and a bad sinus infection.

13:32 How do we know this is true? Because she tested positive for strep. To which the doctors just seemed to ignore completely. Like, oh, it was a false positive. And I'm like, no, it wasn't. And also, I had a mouth sore in my mouth. And with Kawasaki disease, you do get mouth sores, but they're not contagious. Whereas with hand, foot and mouth, they are contagious. And I got a little bit of a cold as well as a mouth sore. So I, as well as Marissa, as well as her mom and her sister and a couple nurses too, determined it wasn't Kawasaki disease.

14:02 And we said, listen, we're going. We're not going to overkill this and give this little girl a trauma. She's already traumatized enough as it is. And so we take her to the doctor a few days later because she was throwing up in the morning. It just turned out that her body was just struggling with the absolute concoction of antibiotics that they gave her. And now she's better. So she's about 90% there. But I'll tell you what, boys, that was the worst day of my life beyond the panic attacks I had in Japan, beyond even my own dad dying and me having that needle stuck in me and having my own panic attacks when I was in that situation, just like Lucia was.

14:38 When you love something so much that you would die for it and you can't help it when it's in its greatest pain, that is fucking hell right there. But the reason hell comes, and this has happened to all you boys, all you guys have been through adversity, all you guys have been through fucking hell week, and all you guys are warriors. How do I know this is true? Because you haven't given up yet. You're still alive, aren't you? You haven't ended it, have you? I don't know about you, but I've thought about ending it many times, and I never did it because I'm a fucking warrior and I'm in this fight.

15:10 And when life hands you these difficult challenges, which are coming, not only for me, but also for you, brother, you have to see that it's growing you as a man. And you have to, you absolutely must find the silver lining around that horrible, horrible storm cloud because those storm clouds are coming. And I don't want to freak you out. You just know how it is. You're on this earth just as I am. You've probably been on this earth a minimum of a couple of decades, but for most of you, at least a decent handful of decades, we know how this shit works, okay?

15:42 This is a fucking gut check. This is war. This is a battle. And what's in your heart is your ability to transcend it. I really believe that. Life will not give you anything that you're not able to transcend. Now, that being said, I don't want you to invite calamity upon yourself. Obviously, we have to keep a positive mindset. Always be seated in love, and we will largely attract to ourselves positive situations and circumstances, but inevitably, those things are coming. And you have to look at those things as an opportunity to grow.

16:14 When I was walking back and forth through that hospital at the time when they were checking her for Kawasaki disease, telling me that it might be life-threatening, I was in the present moment as much as I possibly could be. I wasn't thinking. I was just there. I was feeling the horrible experience completely, and what a helpless feeling it was. I've never felt anything like that. Even when I was having my panic attacks in Japan, at least I knew that the wedding would end soon, and I would be able to get through it.

16:42 And by the way, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, you can listen to my episode about agoraphobia and panic attacks. I talk about how I was a wedding announcer in Japan, and I had panic attacks during pretty much every single wedding I did. At least in that instance, I knew it would be over in 20 minutes. But in this instance, I didn't know what was going to happen. And I feel so much for those dads and moms who have really sick children in the hospital.

17:07 Whether it's cancer, leukemia, or a sickness like Kawasaki disease, I cannot express enough compassion and empathy for what they're going through. And that's why, for the rest of this year, I'm donating to St. Jude. I usually donate to St. Jude in action against hunger, but I'm just hitting St. Jude for at least the next three months because I cannot even experience what those families must go through. And one technique that's really good to use when you're suffering is this, and I did this in the hospital, is you say to yourself, somebody out there right now, in fact, probably hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of other people are going through the same feeling as I am right now.

17:46 And what you do is you take a moment, you close your eyes, and you send those people compassion. Because when you send other people compassion, you essentially send yourself compassion, and it makes you feel better. It makes you feel understood. It makes you feel more peaceful in that moment. So I sat down on one of those chairs in the hallway of the hospital, and I was just sending compassion out to people who have terminally ill kids, to people who have had a kid in an accident, or to people like Nick, who have been through hell and back, and probably couldn't even express in words the amount of challenges they've been through, but who, because they rised above it, are now stronger for it.

18:24 You guys ever see those rich kids who grew up in a completely sheltered life and never had any challenges? They are so socially awkward. They are so unbelievably transparent, and it seems like there's no substance to them. Whereas when you see somebody who's been through hell and back, and who has transcended past it, such as Nick did, there's a certain depth to that person. There's a certain character. And again, I believe that's the purpose of life. We are here to call upon ourselves those challenges, so that we can rise above them.

18:53 It's like the lotus flower coming out of the mud, which is a big symbol in Buddhism. The mud is there, which represents all the bullshit and crap that we have to deal with in life. And then out of it comes this beautiful, amazing purple flower that opens up and shines forth all its brilliance coming out of that calamity. So what did I get out of this experience? I love my daughter 10 times more than I did before, and I'll tell you what, I didn't even think that was possible.

19:20 Also, I love Marissa 10 times more than I did before, and I didn't think that was possible. You get perception. You realize how little money matters. Material objects matter. All you care about is your family, and all you care about is love, because love is all there really is. Everything else is a fucking illusion, an illusion that was given to us to wake up to the fact that love is all there is. So I genuinely feel that that experience chipped another big chunk of ego off of my body, falling to the ground and cracking, and me stepping on it with both feet and saying, yeah, man, get the fuck off of me.

19:55 What really matters is family, and when you guys have a family, which I know a lot of you will, love them with nothing held back. Now, when it comes to women, obviously, you want to wait until they're also in that same space as you are. But when you have a woman who genuinely loves you, love her as hard as you can. And when it comes to children, love them with absolutely every single cell of your body. Love them as hard as you possibly can, and do whatever the fuck it takes to help them, even if you have to hold them down as they're having a temper tantrum, in that hospital bed, seemingly doing something negative to them, but in essence, acting through love because you know you're helping them.

20:33 A man does what he has to do, not always what he wants to do. So, gentlemen, those calamities are coming. No matter what it is, you can grow from it. Let it be your teacher. Let it be that thing that brings you to the next level. Let it be that gymnast who breaks his leg and says, I can't train anymore. And then the master comes along and says, no, no, no, no. Your training has just begun. That thing that you wanted more than anything to accomplish, a supercross racer, going for the championship, having dedicated his entire life to this craft, and then he breaks his arm off a triple, and he's out of the championship, possibly for the rest of his life.

21:11 And he has to sit on the couch watching the other guys compete, not being able to compete with them, thinking that I can't train anymore. I can't do anything anymore. Bullshit. This is your training. The hardest things that ever happened to you, and I know you guys can agree, are sometimes the best things that ever happened to you. And if you don't agree, here's a thought experiment. Take something that happened in your distant past. I'm talking long enough ago where all the ramifications have unfolded. I want you to write down what that thing is, then write down all the bad stuff that came out of it, and then also write down all the good stuff that came out of it.

21:44 You'll see that they're about even. In fact, you'll find most times that the good things outnumber the bad things. That's because, again, calamities are gifts given to us. Things don't happen to you. They happen for you if you leverage them to become the next best version of yourself and the greatest idea of who you think you really are. Gentlemen, I hope this podcast has been as cathartic for you as it has for me. I want to give another shout out to Nick and his family. Brother, you have no idea how much that moved me.

22:14 In this business, I get a lot of hatred. I get a lot of people trying to take me down. I get a lot of people with snide comments and hateful emails that come into my inbox because I train guys how to become more attractive to women, which to me is just absolutely absurd, and it has no effect on me whatsoever because when hate comes towards me, it's not a comment about me. It's a comment about that person's self, and I actually send that person compassion because they're suffering to a very deep level.

22:41 To leave a negative review, to leave a podcast one star and have some hatred behind it, that person is suffering to a very deep level. The person who acts through love, the person who acts through perseverance, always puts love out there first, as Nick did, naming his daughter after me. What an honor. What an absolute honor. And I'll tell you what, Nick. You didn't tell me where you're from, but if I'm ever in the area, I'd love to meet you and your family. And certainly, if you guys are ever in Denver, Colorado, hit me up.

23:08 I will drive down to come meet you any day of the week, anytime. I will drop anything, of course, other than my daughter and my woman in order to be there to meet you. That email meant the world to me. Gentlemen, I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. I really appreciate you listening to this one. This coming Monday, we're going to get back into attracting women, increasing masculinity, being a goddamn man without making any apologies for it. Have a great weekend, gentlemen, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.