Why You Should Seek Discomfort as a Shortcut to Happiness

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP and if you clicked on this particular episode, I want to smack you on the back bro. You are a champion. You are an absolute champion. In fact, I titled it that way because I kind of want to see how many people click on it. Why you should seek discomfort, a lot of people are going to avoid that.

0:38 Why? Because they don't want to be uncomfortable. They know what I'm going to talk about. They know what I'm going to say and you know what I'm going to say too. But you're a fucking warrior dude. You got the heart of a lion and that's why you pressed on this thing is because you want to know how you can better yourself by doing what everybody doesn't want to do and that's seeking discomfort. Going into discomfort purposely in order to better your life and that's exactly what we're going to talk about today.

1:10 In fact, this is one of the number one secrets to happiness that most people not only don't know about but are unconsciously avoiding because who wants to be uncomfortable. So in this episode, I'm going to talk about how to embrace the suck and starting out, we're going to talk about the history of why we're designed to avoid discomfort. Then I'm going to talk about how to get yourself out of your comfort zone each day and why you should do so. Then we're going to talk about with money, how this absolutely applies to money.

1:42 Then we're going to get into health, then women and finally end it with happiness. So I have a really structured episode here. I didn't want to let myself get too far off track. I wanted to keep myself pinned and I went through the discomfort of taking all the notes, getting everything ready because I know when I do that, I'm going to deliver you guys the best content. I'm going to feel good about it. You're going to learn some great stuff and I can go to bed tonight knowing that I'm my own hero.

2:09 That's the path to happiness is always doing what's right, even if doing what's right is sometimes a little bit difficult. In fact, I just read a book and part of this episode is based on this book. I highly, highly suggest it to you guys. I rarely suggest books, but when I come across a really good one, I'm going to suggest it to you. It's called Secrets of the Millionaire Mindset by T. Harv Eckert. Secrets of the Millionaire Mindset by T. Harv Eckert. Oh my God, this book was amazing.

2:39 And some of the principles I'm going to talk about today. So listen to this podcast. If you like it, check out that book. Jake, thank you very much for suggesting that to me. You're a fucking champion, bro. Unreal book, dude. Totally awesome. So if you're interested in getting coaching with me, I just added a bunch of testimonials. I think there's 40 testimonials now on my website. Speaking of the efficacy of my NLP coaching, how I literally rewrite programs in your head, such as I'm not enough. Hot girls are too good for me.

3:10 I should be ashamed of my sexuality. I don't have enough money to attract a hot woman. Or I'm not good looking enough because I don't have money. All these goddamn beliefs that you guys are dealing with, let's go ahead and rewrite them. Sign up at MarkSingCoaching.com. Or if you just want to check out some of those new testimonials, you can do so. One of the things that book says is that really rich people invest 10% of their earnings into coaching, into mentors, and into programs. And I took that really seriously because I'll tell you, ever since I started investing my money into myself, which means investing into coaches, my life absolutely skyrocketed.

3:49 My results skyrocketed. I honestly believe that until you're making $100,000 a year, you should invest all your investable money into coaching. And even if it's not with me, if you like somebody else better, please invest that money into coaches. They will absolutely change your life because they're going to teach you things that you don't know that you don't know. They're going to reach deep down and be able to change things that you haven't gone through yet, that you haven't realized yet. And that's the value of a coach.

4:16 I will continue investing in coaches for the rest of my life. And honestly, I believe you should too. All right, with that out of the way, let's get into why we avoid discomfort, which starts off this episode. So if you think about our history, humankind's history, we've been around for 200,000 years. And in those 200,000 years, the majority of time spent on this earth was extremely difficult. We had to deal with many, many difficulties. So we've developed in a way where we are rewarded for embracing the suck, if you will.

4:49 We had to live out on the prairies and deal with the weather. We had to deal with famine. We had to deal with wars. We had to work our asses off just to survive. And many people wouldn't even make it past, what is it, like 40? Was like an old man. And I'm 43. I would have been an elder back in the day. Many of us wouldn't have even made it that far because there's so many diseases and so many things out to kill us. Well, if you think about it, we're extremely strong as human beings.

5:18 We are built resilient. We are built adaptable. And because of that, if we don't have those challenges coming into our lives, we're not really using the machine for what the machine was designed for. Our bodies are literally designed to thrive in discomfort. So when you're going through discomfort and you overcome something, let's say, for example, you're out on the open prairie and you guys need to build like an adobe hut and it's really hard work and you're building like a log cabin next to it and you got to build an outhouse and you're just really going through that discomfort to build this thing.

5:51 When it's done, you get that massive reward of dopamine hits. It's super good for your hormones. Your testosterone goes up when you overcome something. That's part of being a masculine man is challenging yourself to things and overcoming them. You feel that sense of achievement. And it's because our bodies are designed, our actual hormones, our chemicals in our brains are designed to be rewarded when we overcome challenges that you have to literally choose to do shitty things every day because in today's society, it's so easy to skate by with almost zero challenges.

6:27 Now, what happens ironically is that when you try to skate by, which so many people do, what happens is you get mentally weak. You get physically weak. And then what happens? You get mentally unhappy and your body is unhappy. That's why over 80% of society is unhappy. Now, it's quite natural to seek comfort. The reason those people on the open prairie were building those adobe huts and the log cabin outhouse is because they were seeking comfort. And in seeking comfort, you have to go through the discomfort.

6:59 But now that seeking comfort has been completely removed as far as going through the discomfort, all we get is the reward of comfort. But then we're smashed in the face with the penalty of being miserable. So really, if you think about it, our bodies and mind aren't really designed for 20th century living, right? We're more designed for like 1645 open plains Indian warfare kind of living. Because of that, the machine needs to be given a certain amount of suck each day or it's going to be unhappy.

7:32 It's going to be a failure and you're going to start feeling insecure about yourself. You're going to have a low self-esteem and consequently, you're going to be unattractive to women. So really, the way it works is that your happiness is on the opposite side of discomfort. When you go into discomfort willingly, lifting weights, approaching girls you're afraid to approach, doing things that you're afraid to do like getting coaching, taking risky investments with your money, things like that. When you embrace the discomfort, your happiness hides on the other side.

8:03 But so many of us are seeking happiness and this transient sensory gratification, sugar, carbohydrates, masturbation, TV, all these lazy base things that eventually make us miserable. And the fact is, when you do things that are easy, your life will be hard. When you do things that are hard, your life will be easy. That is a fact and that's why you should seek discomfort every single day. One of my 10 rules of my life that I have written up on my wall is every day do something that sucks.

8:39 And even for you, if it's you're avoiding the gym and avoiding getting your health in order, that's exactly where you need to go. The thing that you're most afraid of, the thing that you least want to do, and for me, it's taxes, by the way, is the thing you should do. And by the way, I just did my taxes and it felt fucking great when I got it done. Man, what a hit of testosterone. Just to get something done, to go into something you don't want to do willingly has actually been proven to raise your testosterone.

9:08 So what is it that you're avoiding? What is it that you don't want to do? What is it that you're afraid to do? That's where you need to go. The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. You should follow your fears. Your fears are the guiding light. They're the light at the stern of your boat that shows you exactly where you should go. Your fear, your discomfort, that which you don't want to do, that's where you need to go. And I know it's a shitty message, but that's where your happiness lies.

9:36 All right. So how do you get yourself out of your comfort zone each day? Like I said, each day do something that sucks, right? And when something comes into your life that sucks, you need to reframe it. Like I've been talking about in recent episodes, you reframe it to say to yourself, you know what? This is good for me because embracing the suck and going into shitty situations voluntarily strengthens my mind. It raises my testosterone. And when I'm done with that task, I'm going to give myself that pat on the back to make myself feel better.

10:05 And I'm going to get that shot of dopamine. It's going to raise my hormone level. It's going to raise my mood. See, so many people are running away from discomfort to try to get more comfort, but it actually works the opposite way. And that's the thing about the universe is that it's very counterintuitive in many kinds of ways. And this is probably the biggest way is that going into pain is where you find happiness. Ironically. All right, moving on with this every day, push your comfort level just a little bit more.

10:34 So I'm going to talk about women in a second, right? Is you want to expose yourself a little bit more to that social pressure, approaching girls you're afraid to talk to, putting yourself in social situations where other people are going to hear you and eavesdrop, approaching groups, doing things like this. Every time you embrace the discomfort and you feel that shitty feeling inside of you, you're getting a little bit better at being able to handle the social pressure and therefore you're getting more attractive. Furthermore, every time I feel shitty when I'm on the phone with my coach and I know he's saying something that's true and I get that shitty feeling inside of me, the shitty feeling is what precedes a big step in growth.

11:17 So when I get that shitty feeling, which actually happened to me when I read that book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mindset, I kind of had a shitty feeling here and there. And I was like, ooh, this is the one I really need to listen to. And this is the one I really need to apply. So every time you get that crappy feeling, like even what I'm telling you right now, some of you guys may be like, I don't know about all this, man. Embrace the suck.

11:38 I don't know. Bro, you're the exact guy who needs to listen to this because you're the exact guy that's going to grow the most from it. You see, the lower you go, the more shitty you feel. Flip that over and that's how high you could go. It's literally an inverse mathematical equation. The lower you are, the higher you can go. The more shitty something feels, the more benefit you're going to get from it. The more fear you have with something, the more you're going to grow if you go into that fear.

12:09 Peace is on the other side of fear. All right. So let's jump into money real quick. Something that was said in Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. Freaking awesome book, man. I'm literally listening to it three times in a row, nonstop. Right now, I'm halfway through time number two. Then I'm going to hit it a third time because did you know the first time you listen to something, only 30% of it gets retained. Second time, it's about 60%. And then three times through, you can retain most of it.

12:37 It's really important to listen to things over and over again. So with my podcast, for example, bro, if something hits you, might want to listen to it again because I guarantee you the second time through, you're going to be like, well, I didn't even hear that. And it's crazy with this book. I like, I'm hearing things and I'm like, well, I didn't even hear that the first time. It's crazy. I'm also just about your village idiot when it comes to remembering things. So I may be a special case.

12:59 All right. So with money, he said something awesome. He said, your comfort zone, when your comfort zone expands, your wealth zone expands. They are literally mutually interdependent. So if you have a small comfort zone, you're not willing to push yourself. You have a scarcity mindset about money and you win a million dollars. Well, that million dollars can't fit into the space of your small comfort zone, right? The million dollars can't fit into the space of your scarcity mindset. So the way to bring lots of money in is to create a big vacuum that wants to be filled.

13:33 And that vacuum is expanded by your comfort zone. Me, for example, I got ruined in the stock market crash of 2008. And I've had a massive aversion to the stock market ever since. But when I get comfortable studying it, researching it, getting back into it, then my wealth zone is going to expand and more money is going to come in. And that's what's been happening. So you want to go into that which you hate. Go into that which you want to avoid. All right. With health. Don't even get me started on this, boys.

14:04 You know how much I love those fat chicks. But with health, what's really interesting is I let myself go a little bit this summer. Not too much. I got to about 13% body fat and I usually rock about 8 to 10. But over the past two weeks, I've been really disciplined with my diet. And I'm back down to probably about 10% body fat and I want to get to 8. But what I've noticed is that when I discipline myself, bro, I've got so much more energy. I've got so much more testosterone in the gym.

14:32 And it's because body fat holds estrogen. So if you have a lot of body fat on you, what I want you to do is go into that discomfort willingly. Once you start losing the body fat, you're going to have more energy to work out. When you get more energy to work out, you're going to get more testosterone, feel better. And then it's a snowball effect. So discipline equals freedom is what Jocko always says. And that's so true. Is discipline is basically embracing the suck, isn't it?

15:01 And by embracing the suck, on the other side of that is what? Your happiness and happiness is freedom. And that's why he has that term discipline equals freedom. So with your health, are you eating shitty foods? Are you not disciplining yourself? Are you sitting around eating popcorn and playing video games and Cheetos and Doritos and ding-dongs and ho-hos and zip-zips and wham-whams? And even though you're doing that, you still feel shitty? Well, this is the reason. Discipline equals freedom, especially with your health. Are you going to the gym or are you avoiding it?

15:34 If going to the gym sounds like absolute hell to you, go. That's where the answer is. That's where your freedom is. If you're kind of out of shape, you're kind of unhappy, you're in a little bit of a rut, go to the gym. I know it sucks. Believe me, sometimes I don't want to go either, but I make myself go. And how do you make yourself go? It's simple. Put on your gym clothes, put on your shoes, get in the car, drive, and just do it.

15:58 As cheesy as that statement is, just do it. Discipline is acting on your higher motives, not your lesser motives. Your higher motive is to be an alpha male, a silverback, an unapologetic champion who gets girls, who gets money, who has his life dialed. That's your higher motive. I know it. You know it. Hell, even I know it. So being it that that's your higher motive, are you going to do that or are you going to settle for the ding-dongs and the wham-whams? You and I both know what the right move is there.

16:30 With women, as I talked about before, you have to expose yourself to systematic social pressure. You don't want to go talk to that girl. But your happiness is on the other side of going to talk to her. Why? Because you have to embrace the suck of talking to that girl. And I'm with you. I'm with you, bro. Today I was at the gym and I saw a girl and I was like, oh, bro, I'm so not in the mood to talk to a girl right now.

16:54 But I have to because I'm a dating coach. I have to walk the talk. So here I go. And it's like not only the fear of rejection. It's also like just drumming up all those feelings and having to deal with it. We're lazy. We don't want to deal with those feelings, right? That like icky feeling, social pressure. What if people are watching? It's just a lot to deal with. But I'll tell you what. When you approach her, you're going to feel like a million dollars afterward.

17:20 You're going to feel like a fucking champion. You're going to get this shot of dopamine, of testosterone. Your hormones are going to get balanced. And you're going to get happier because you embrace the suck of approaching that woman. Okay, finally, with happiness. Happiness doesn't come from living a lukewarm life. Always wondering what could have been. Happiness comes from achievement. And achievement comes from discomfort. And if you're not achieving what you want to achieve, it's because you're too scared to inch outside that comfort zone. So what I want you to do if you're in this situation is just every day do one little small thing that sucks.

17:59 Put a little more pressure on yourself. Know that when you have to do something, like you're forced to do something that sucks, know that it's growing you and embrace it. As the old t-shirt says, embrace the suck. It's such a great t-shirt. And on the other side of that suck, you know that's where happiness is. So the next time you're on Instagram and you're seeing some guys do burpees or some killer workout or you wonder why people do Spartan races or climb mountains or ride their bikes uphill when you're driving your car uphill, that's why.

18:30 It's because they've discovered that their happiness, their fulfillment, their good feelings are on the other side of embracing the suck. And within the suck actually lies a lot of joy. And that not only applies to blowjobs. Ha ha! That was a good one. All right, boys. So that's my thought about seeking discomfort. If you want to get into your discomfort and persevere past your issues and you want to work with me, I'm going to push you. I'm going to challenge you. Nothing that's going to freak you out and make you lose your mind or nothing that you're not willing to do.

19:04 But part of hiring me is so that I can take you to the next level. And just as we talked about in this entire podcast, me taking you to the next level means you facing your fears. But I guarantee you, you do not have fears that can overcome your strength. The strength that's in your heart is always stronger than the fears, insecurities, and discomfort that you fear going into every single time. You have the ability to get the life that you want. You have the ability to overcome your issues and reprogram your brain.

19:37 You just have to take the first step. I'm here for you. Check me out. Marksingcoaching.com. If you have any questions about my coaching, feel free to jump on my website, coachmarksing.com. Hit me up. You can also find all my links in the description below. Would love to hear from any of you guys. Also, I give you a bunch of cool programs if you give me a review. So if you do give me a review, send me an email and I'll send you all that cool shit.

20:03 So now is the time to harden the fuck up. Embrace the suck. Seek discomfort willingly because I guarantee you, your happiness, your success, girls, money, everything, all your wildest dreams lie on the other side of your fears and lie on the other side of discomfort. That is law. It will never change. There's no way around it. So might as well embrace it. Put your nose to the grindstone and begin the journey today. All right, boys. Thank you so much for listening. I do appreciate it. I'm coming swinging with an awesome one on Monday.

20:37 So please tune back in. Once again, if you need anything, have any questions, hit me up either through my website or through Instagram, which you can follow me on Coach Mark Singh, by the way, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. All right. I will see you in the next episode. I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.