How to Approach a Girl: Direct Vs. Indirect When Approaching Women

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. And today, we are going to talk about how to approach a girl, but more specifically, direct approach versus indirect approach, and what those two both mean, as well as some specifics as how to do them, and not only how to do them, but also when to do them in which context.

0:42 So I want to give you guys some really good information about this scary thing called the approach. How am I going to approach that girl and not get rejected? How am I going to show my intent to her or not show my intent to her and try to slide under the radar and what I think is personally the best way to do it, given the context that you're going to be in? So before we jump into that, I want to talk a little bit about some of the emails I've been getting lately from you guys.

1:08 And it's interesting to me because things come in waves. Like one week, I'll have a lot of guys asking me about one question. Another week, I'll have a lot of guys asking me about another question. And this week, it's all about you dudes that are struggling. So if you're one of those guys that's listening right now and you're just on Struggle Street, you're just in a rut, I'm not going to make this entire podcast about this, but I just want to give you a little shot of motivation to get you through this because I know you're struggling.

1:36 I know it's freaking really hard right now. I've been there myself. I've been down Struggle Street in the fucking gutter, really down in the dumps. And here's my advice. First of all, I want you to know that failure cannot cope with persistence. And what that means is as long as you keep going, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you never fucking quit, eventually you're going to get out of this rut. Failure cannot cope with your persistence of just keep going, keep trying, keep trying things, keep exploring and experimenting and really working on yourself.

2:12 And when you continue to do that, I'm telling you, you are eventually going to crawl out of your rut. Secondly, I want you to do one little thing every day that improves your situation, just one small tiny thing. And that doesn't even mean fixing one problem a day. That means doing one tiny thing, like cleaning up the dog shit in your backyard that's been bothering you. Fixing the nasty tire on your car that goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, while you're driving. You're going to have to do one thing.

2:40 You're going to have to do one thing. You're going to have to do one thing. You're going to have to do one thing. You're going to have to do one thing. You're going to have to do one thing. You're going to have to do one thing. You're going to have to do one thing. You're going to have to do one thing. All I want you to do is just every day, just one little thing that's going to make your situation better. Even cleaning something in your house that you've been procrastinating on and you keep putting it off because every time you walk by that kitchen, let's say, that's full of dirty dishes, it just annoys you just that little bit more and keeps you in your rut.

3:00 But once you start doing one little thing a day, you're going to get momentum. Then things are going to start changing. You're going to get more into a positive mindset and watch what happens. It's like a snowball. So once again, guys, failure cannot cope with persistence. You're listening to a podcast like this one because you really have a genuine intention to better your life and better yourself. We both know that you're a fucking warrior deep down in your heart. You got heart, bro. You got a lot of heart, man.

3:27 And you know you can get through this. You just can't fucking quit. You keep going. You keep pushing. Eventually, that success is going to come to you. I guarantee it. It happened for me as well as a myriad of my clients and friends. It's guys like us that don't fucking quit that get to the finish line, get to the top of that mountain. All right, let's jump into the content. So the direct approach versus the indirect approach. Okay, what does that mean? So the direct approach basically means you state your intentions to her outright.

3:57 You let her know that you think she's attractive or you let her know that you're interested in her and you wanted to come meet her. The indirect approach is more like an opinion opener, starting a conversation just off the cuff, asking her a question, getting an opinion. That's more fly under the radar. So we're going to start with the direct approach, which is actually my favorite approach for most situations. Not all, though. Not all. And I'm going to tell you which ones I don't think you should do a direct approach in.

4:23 But what I suggest is you use the direct approach with a girl you're never going to see again. Now, why is that? Because oftentimes when you approach a girl and you try to go under the radar, she's sitting there thinking, what in the hell does this guy want? Okay, and if you're very direct about it and you say, hey, listen, I thought you're really cute. I wanted to come meet you. What's up? What's your name? My mark. And she gets that from you. She knows immediately that you're a man, that you're sexually attracted to her.

4:50 You're not afraid to admit it, nor do you apologize for it. And you had the balls to go straight up to her and tell her that. I have so many good reactions when I do that to girls. Now, one quick tip where this is concerned is if you're going to do a direct approach and you're approaching two girls, what you do is you point at the one you think is cute. And I actually just did this today. So I was actually in the fly fishing department at Sportsman's Warehouse, and I did an indirect approach that actually led into a direct approach.

5:20 So let me tell you how it went. So I saw these two really cute girls in the fly fishing area looking at the, have you guys ever seen like they have feathers and weird yarn and nylon and stuff like that where you can tie your own flies? Well, if you've never seen that before, it's a pretty interesting section because they have all these bags of feathers and everything on the wall. And I saw these two cute girls. And what's funny about me is every time I see a cute girl, I immediately get nervous.

5:43 Why do I get nervous? Because I know I have to approach her. As a coach, I got to walk the talk. So I knew I had to approach them. So I went up and without looking at them, I was looking at the wall and they were kind of off to my right side. I was like, what, what are these things? And between you and me, guys, I knew exactly what they were, but they're obviously fly fishing material to build your flies. And they like reacted really well.

6:05 They're like, oh, they're fly fishing flies to build flies. And I was like, are you serious? You can make your own flies. And they're like, yeah, totally. And I was like, well, do you guys do that? And she's like, yeah, she does. She pointed to the cute one. And she's like, she does. And I was like, damn, dude, this is a catch right here. This girl is hot. And she fly fishes. Jesus. So I was like, you know what? I have to be completely honest with you.

6:26 I knew I know this is for fly fishing for tying flies. Honestly, I thought you're really cute. Couldn't think of any other excuse to meet you. So that's what I came with. But what's up? I'm Mark. And she totally melted. She's like, oh, my God. And she had her mask on. But from behind the mask, I could tell that she was beet red. And now here's an important point is that it doesn't actually matter so much what you say. It's how you say it and how you hold yourself.

6:52 Now, you guys who have been listening to seduction based podcasts and material for a long time, you've heard that a million times. And it's very disappointing to hear that as a guy who hasn't yet gotten the skill to do this. But it's the absolute truth. You can really say almost anything. And what I said really wasn't that great. I actually kind of lied to them if you think about it. Like, what are these things? Oh, I actually knew that. I just thought you were cute. It's actually kind of cheesy.

7:18 But because I have a very confident tonality, I talk to her just like I'm talking to you. Because I held myself a certain way. Because when I first opened them, I gave them space. I was very off-putting, meaning that my body language wasn't towards them. In fact, my shoulder was pointed towards them. And I assumed that they were going to answer. And I was very calm in the way that I spoke. That's what got their attraction. So when I told her that I thought she was cute, I actually pointed at her.

7:45 I was like, hey, listen, you know, I'm totally lying here. I know exactly what these are. In fact, I've tried my hand before at trying to tie flies. I actually wanted to meet you because I think you're cute. And like I pointed at her and then she totally blushed. And now she knows what my intention was. Okay. So you just like cut out whatever, five, 10 minutes of bullshit talking about fly fishing. Had I just gone in with the indirect approach, which is what an indirect approach is, is you go in and ask about something that doesn't necessarily have to do with her.

8:17 Her opinion, what she's doing, things like that. So my indirect approach was, what are these flies? Oh, tell me about fly fishing. And then we talk about fly fishing. I might ask her like, where's the best place she ever caught the biggest fish? What was her best fly fishing experience? Tell her some about some of my experiences, build a connection with her in that way. And then maybe I could go for the phone number. But see, the reason I prefer the direct approach is because I want to let her know upfront that I thought she was cute.

8:45 Now, there's a subtle difference between letting her know that you're interested in her and telling her she's one off you, you want to get her number, you're fucking done, you know, put the ring on your finger, you want to get married. No, no, no. It's basically like, hey, I thought you were cute and I wanted to come meet you. Or another thing I say, particularly in the nightclubs is, hey, I saw you from over there. I thought you were really cute. I wanted to come meet you and see if you were interesting.

9:11 What's up? What's your name? Okay, so that lays the premise that, yeah, she's cute, but is she interesting? You haven't won with me yet. You've won with me as far as like your looks, but looks are only one tick off the box of 10 boxes. So I came over here to see if you were interesting is something I'll typically say, but you know what? You could just say, hey, I wanted to meet you. What's up? What's your name? Now, the following is probably going to blow a lot of you guys away is it really doesn't matter what the conversation goes like.

9:43 Okay, like you can have the most boring conversation with the girl. I don't suggest it. I don't suggest it because you're going to get more attraction if you can make her laugh. That's why I like to teach a lot of the techniques, the push pull, the storytelling, the busting her chops, the hypo stories, the cold reading, all the things that I teach in my coaching. That shit's awesome because that really gets her attracted. But I'll tell you what, you can be pretty freaking boring. Okay, you can talk about fly fishing a little bit, talk about where she's from, talk about what she's studying in school, what she wants to become when she's all grown up and then be like, hey, listen, you know what?

10:20 You're easy to talk to. Seems like we get along pretty good. How would you feel about tossing me your number? You can get a number that way pretty easily. What matters is how you're holding yourself. It matters how you talk to her. It doesn't matter so much that you have all these like amazing, funny, you know, you're the court jester being like, ooh, look at me over here. Look at me spin the plate. Look at me juggle the balls. Look at me spinning my dick very quickly.

10:43 So it turns into a blur. You don't need to do all that shit. You don't need to be the spazzy car lot blow up balloon. That's like, and I see so many guys do that. They like put so much energy in and like so much. They try really hard. And as we've learned in this podcast is the harder you try. The more needy it seems and the person who's putting in the more effort is the one who isn't controlling the frame. So when I said to them, hey, so you guys actually tie your own flies.

11:13 They like spazzed out and they're like, oh my God. Yeah, she does. And she was laughing and like they're reacting more than I'm reacting. So I'm already in the winner position. I don't need to offer such amazing content, but if I do, which I did, then they get even more attracted. But really, it's just about you being comfortable. So here's the thing, guys. So if you want to do a direct approach, which is what I suggest, and I'm going to tell you in what situations I suggest it exactly.

11:40 But if you want to do that direct approach, the most important thing is that you're comfortable. Now that begs the obvious question. How do you get comfortable? If you listen to my material, you know what I'm going to say. You practice, open and eject, right? Just open and say, hey, where'd you get the Starbucks cup? Oh, it's over there. Cool. Have a good day. Hey, where's the olive oil in this place? Oh, really cool. Hey, I just want to let you know. I think your dress is really cute.

12:02 Keep up the good work. High five. Have a good night. And I'll do that one all the time too. So you get warmed up to the point where you're totally comfortable. Right now, I know that a lot of guys are listening to me. I'm totally comfortable. Why? Because I've been doing this podcast for a while, but also because I talk to hot girls all the time. And it's the same feeling of social pressure. So when you can endure that social pressure by talking to people all the time, especially hot girls, if you're able, doing things like public speaking, going on YouTube videos, putting social pressure on yourself, putting yourself in uncomfortable situations where you might get in a fight, all these things are social pressure and they make you able to talk to that girl just calmly, just fucking normally.

12:47 Like I'm talking to you now. It's like you and me are bros and I'm in the car with you just chatting you up. And that's the way you want to be able to talk to girls, especially when you do the direct approach. Because listen, when you tell her, Hey, I thought you were cute. I wanted to come meet you. What's up? What's your name? She's going to light up. A lot of the times they light up. They giggle. They cover their mouth. What's happening immediately. What's happening is she's reacting more than you are because you're very calm.

13:12 You're composed and immediately you're in the driver's seat, aren't you? Because being it that she's reacting more than you are, who's controlling the frame? You're controlling the frame. If you haven't heard my episodes about frame control, please type that in the search box. I strongly suggest it. And by the way, Spotify got my, all my episodes back. So a couple episodes ago, I was talking about how they only made a hundred episodes available. Well, now they're all available. So you can find all my stuff. Want to give a shout out to Spotify and actually iTunes because they got back to me both really quickly and they helped me fix the problem.

13:48 So big shout out to both those platforms. Freaking awesome. So if you need to learn about frame control, I suggest you do so. But the basic premise of frame control is this. You have to have a stronger frame than she does in order for her to get attracted to you. Part of you having a stronger frame than she does is being less affected by the conversation, affected socially. That social pressure, that disgusting feeling you can feel in your body, say, when you're about to get in a fight with somebody.

14:17 That there is the premium example of social pressure. You feel that same thing when you talk to a girl. That's why your mind goes into screensaver mode. And that's why you become a sea donkey is because you can't freaking think. So the direct approach, here's where I suggest doing it. Okay. So like I said, any place where you're never going to see her again, supermarkets, coffee shops, open air market areas, you know, like those shopping centers where you're outside, malls, nightclubs, because you're probably not going to see her again.

14:47 Places like that when you're not going to see the person again. To me, it's just like cut to the fucking point. I'm attracted to you. I think you're pretty. I want to talk to you for a few minutes. See if we jive. If not, cool. We'll part ways. If we do, why don't you toss me your number and we'll catch up some other time. That's literally the masculine mentality that you have and you're unapologetic for it. You see a cute girl. You are allowed to be attracted to her.

15:11 You as a man have the right to be attracted to a beautiful woman. Fuck all this toxic masculinity bullshit. How was our society created? How is it that we have billions of people in the world? The reason is, is because male female attraction, those guys in our past. And by the way, all your ancestors had the balls to approach a woman. Well, not all of them. Sometimes girls will fall on their lap, but this is what humanity is based on. It's based on men being attracted to women and feeling okay to go express that.

15:42 If you have problems with your sexuality, if you feel it's shameful to express interest in a woman, that's definitely programming given to you by somebody, probably your parents. And I will say a lot of the times it's probably because of religion. Not that there's anything wrong with religion. I'm just saying this is the one of the big programs that religion gives us is that it's shameful to be sexual. Fuck that. I'm not shameful about it. I'm super proud of it. I got baby batter ready to drop.

16:08 I'm ready to procure my generation. I'm ready to produce a squire that's going to carry on my name any day of the week, every day of the week and twice on Sunday. And that's the way you should feel too. Comfortable with your sexuality. So you approach and you let her know, Hey, I'm attracted to you. What's up? What's your name? And she has the opportunity to say, sorry, I have a boyfriend, which is usually the default when they're not interested, or maybe they do have a boyfriend who knows who cares.

16:35 Do not let her rejection of you define you. What you let define you is the fact that you had the balls to approach her in the first place. Very important. All right. Indirect approach. This is what I suggest for that is when you're going to see the person multiple times. So for example, if you're going to run what I call a campaign on a girl, you see a girl at the gym that you go to all the time. You see a girl at the coffee shop you go to all the time.

17:01 You see a girl at work is a great example. You want to do an indirect approach because if you go up straight up to a girl to at work and you say, Hey, I think you're hot. I just came over here to see if you're interesting. That's going to go bad for you because it's unprofessional. You need to ease into it slowly like an old man into a warm bath. Okay. So you do a campaign. Maybe you open her and be like, Hey, what's up? I'm Mark.

17:25 I haven't met you yet. What's up? What's up, Stacey? Nice to meet you. So how long have you worked here? Blah, blah, blah. Or you're new here or you're in the accounting department. What's it like down there? I don't know. Just think of something that you guys can relate to. Also in situations like in yoga class, let's say, and you're going to the same Wednesday night yoga class. You want to run a campaign on a certain hot girl that you keep seeing. My advice would be to set up next to her, get into a casual conversation.

17:52 Don't state your interest just yet because you're doing a campaign. And what I always tell you guys is to leave her on a high note. Be funny. Use all the methods I talk about and then get her attracted to you slowly. Once she is attracted to you, then you can deploy, you know, asking her out. Never ask out a girl until you know she's attracted to you. That's like a rule. You always want to make sure she's attracted to you. Now, once again, with direct approach, you're probably never going to see this chick again.

18:19 So you're kind of like putting all your chips on the table. Hey, I thought you were hot. Not hot. I wouldn't say that. Hey, I thought you were pretty is something I say. Or hey, I wanted to come meet you even because I saw you from there. Hey, I saw you over there. I think you have an amazing style is something I say. Wanted to come meet you. What's up? What's your name? And then I might ask her questions about her style. Compliment her in that way.

18:41 It's okay to give a little compliment up front when you're doing a direct approach. Then you lead the conversation. Like I said, it could be boring, but preferably funny. And my material will help you make it funny. But if it's boring, don't hyperextend your anus. It's going to be okay. Just keep the situation going. Try to enter the social pressure. Don't fidget. Don't be moving uncomfortably. Don't do nerd mannerisms. Don't do a little laugh after you say something. Keep it calm. Just like I'm talking to you.

19:11 Just be very calm. Talking to her. Being expressive. You know, it takes practice. And that's why I want you guys to get reps in. But that's the difference between direct approach and indirect. So to review, direct approach is, hey, I thought you were cute. I wanted to come meet you. What's up? What's your name? Literally, those are the exact words I say time and time again. And it works time and time again. Indirect approach. Asking where something is. Asking her opinion about something. Asking for advice in some way.

19:39 Like, I have a client who goes to a rock climbing gym. And he wants to talk to this really cute girl who he always sees rock climbing. So I said, go up to her and be like, hey, what's up? What's your name? What's up, Ashley? I'm David. You know, I'm new here. I've never done that line before. I saw you doing the line the other day. Is it pretty easy? And then you guys got into a conversation. Maybe you say a few funny things that you have prepared.

20:00 Or if you're good, you can think it off the top of your head. Leave her on a high note. Then when you come in again to see her, you say, hey, what's up, Ashley? How you doing? So I did the line the other day. And I get right up to that rock right there. And my hand just comes off. And I fall into the fucking pit. Everybody saw it. It's so embarrassing. Ashley, it's totally your fault you suggest that to me. She's like, no, I didn't.

20:21 That's the kind of vibe, right? Joking around, stuff like that. Okay, so that's the indirect. The places to do it. Direct is basically when you're never going to see her again. You got one shot. Make it count, bro. Like you see that solid nine walking through the parking lot. I want you to look at your what would Mark Singh bracelet and be like, I'm just going to go approach her. Fuck it. Fuck it. Go up to her and be like, hey. And you can even say this.

20:45 You know, I'm glad I thought of this because I wanted to mention this. You can even say, hey, I never do this. I'm actually pretty nervous. But I know I'd be kicking myself the rest of the day unless I told you that I think you're really pretty and I wanted to come meet you. You guys, when you admit to her that you were nervous to come talk to her, when you admit to her that you'd be kicking yourself the rest of the day, just watch the reactions.

21:09 I'm not going to guarantee anything because I don't want to get that email. It's like, fucking, fucking Mark Singh. You told me to be direct and she blew me out and my fucking pants flew off when the concussion hit. I don't want to get that email. But I'm going to say this. Most of the time, if you're a cool guy and you give good energy, right? Like I talk about, be a go-giver. Give her a nice compliment. Tell her you're nervous. Tell her that you're going to be regretting it the rest of the day if you don't do it.

21:36 And even if you stumble on your words a little bit, like I just did right there. Even if you stumble just a little bit, she's going to light up. She's going to be stoked. She's going to be like, oh my God, thank you so much. And then if she's interested, she's not going to give you the old boyfriend line. She's going to be sitting there waiting for you to talk more. You might want to have another question ready. So are you from here? So would you come out of Safeway?

21:59 I was just about to go in there. Do they have a mask rule in Safeway? You should have one extra question ready. And then from there, bro, you just freestyle. Maybe you can have a couple of preloaded things like a push-pull or a cold read. Or what I like to do is lead them down the conversation of, so how's your COVID life treating you? And I've been getting emails lately, people being like, how do you do this during COVID? I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

22:21 I'm using COVID to my advantage because it's a common thing we can all talk about. When you guys have the mentality like, oh, because of COVID, we can't do it, bullshit. I'm still opening chicks left and right all day, all the damn time. And I'm actually using COVID as a conversational piece because that's something we have in common. And that's something you always want to look for. Okay, what do I have in common with this person? If she's in your yoga class, you have yoga in common.

22:46 If she's at your work, you have that work in common. She goes to a bar that you go to, you have the bar in common. You want to think about that and ask questions and create conversation initially based on those commonalities. And then you go down different roads. So with my COVID thing, I say, how's COVID treating you? She's like, oh, it's pretty good. You know, it's not that bad, whatever she says. And you say, has it affected your job? Has it affected your job as an ice cream man?

23:11 I heard the ice cream man business is really going downhill right now. And if she likes to be teased, she's going to laugh. If she doesn't like to be teased, she may just chuckle and blow past it, to which you make a mental note. Okay, this chick doesn't respond well to the joking and the sarcasm. So I'm going to go down a different road. Like I said, guys, this takes a lot of practice. But the way to practice is to magic answer coming up. Practice. Just open people.

23:37 Fuck it. And if you need to open and eject, ask a quick question and say, thanks. Bye. But I would challenge all of you to do a direct approach to a girl this week. Okay. Yeah. You right now, the listener, I'm challenging you, bro. Do a direct approach. I fucking dare you. Tighten the fuck up and go do it. Grab your balls and do it. Hey, I had to let you know. I thought you were really cute. I wanted to come meet you. I'd be kicking myself the rest of the day if I didn't do it.

24:04 She lights up, says, oh my God, thank you. And even if she says, I'm not interested or I have a boyfriend, you walk away, pat yourself on the back and be like, fuck yeah, dude. I'm a champion. Because I had the balls to do what all those motherfuckers will not do. Do you know how many people come up to me and say, bro, how do you do it, man? You're just talking to all the girls all the time. I'm like, just go talk to them. They're right there.

24:24 Go talk to them. They're human beings and they're cool when you're cool to them. When you have a good energy, you're a go-giver. You're not trying to take something from them. You're not trying to take her panties off. They're going to be cool to you. So just go up and be cool. Give them a nice compliment. Compliment their dress. Compliment how you think they're pretty. They look great today. They're going to love it. As long as you're not creepy. So work on that, guys. Really important.

24:46 Like I said, direct approach is my preferred way to do it. And I think when you get good in this game, it's kind of like skipping the warm-up, right? It's like when you get good at lifting, you kind of don't go into the gym anymore and do a bunch of stretching. At least I don't. Maybe I should. You just want to get down and start lifting. And that's kind of how it is with chicks. You're like, fuck this whole indirect under the radar, like trying to hide my intentions.

25:11 That's creepy. You know, it's not always creepy, but it can be creepy. Just tell her. I'm attracted to you. What up? Think you and me should hang out sometime? That's the way they do it. Field tested. Mark Singh approved. All right, guys. That's it for me in this podcast. And I wanted to tell you, I actually do have a free program. It's called The Approach Formula. And this program can be found on my website. If you go to Mark Singh Coaching, that's not it. Damn it.

25:34 That's my sales page where I talk about my coaching offer. My website is coachmarksingh.com. And right there on the landing page, which, by the way, is a picture of me talking to a girl. If you kind of want to see what I think is good body language, I would always kind of hold their hands while I talk to them. And that's what I'm doing to that girl. You can kind of check it out. But right there on that page, you clack the red button, and you can get my program, The Approach Formula.

25:59 And lastly, I want to thank all you guys for the awesome reviews. If you found any value whatsoever in this podcast, I would appreciate a review. You can email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com. And I will send you The Conversation Sniper, Three Texts to Build Massive Attraction in Women, and Guide to the Female Orgasm. And you will be given my coaching business when I am slain in battle. All right, boys, thank you for listening, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.