Why You're Constantly DISAPPOINTED And How to Supercharge Your Happiness

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UNP, and I'm doing something right now I never do, man. It's 10 o'clock at night right now. Just put the girls to bed, the girls meaning my woman, Marissa, and my kid, Lucia, three and a half years old. Just put them to bed, and I never, ever, ever record podcasts at this hour, but bro, I've been getting so much love today from dudes writing in telling me how much the podcast has changed their life, how much they've grown from it, how much benefit they've had from it, and I'm just feeling so full of appreciation.

0:48 I couldn't help myself, man. It's weird. I don't know if any of you relate to this, but sometimes doing something like this, something creative like this is like having to take a piss. It just comes upon you, and you got to release it ASAP, or it goes away. Actually, it's not like taking a piss, because a piss doesn't go away. It just gets worse, doesn't it? But you know what the fuck I'm talking about. It's like your eyeballs are floating. You got to take a big leak, and that's the way I feel sometimes when it comes to this podcast.

1:14 So I was reading the reviews, reading all the emails we got, and just so much appreciation. If you wrote me around the beginning of March, I think today is March 6th. I'm talking about you, brother. I super appreciate those emails. Just so much damn love coming out, and many of the themes that I keep seeing over and over again is how guys are disappointed with their life, how they're depressed, how they're unhappy, and then they get motivation from my podcast and other podcasts to tell you to harden the fuck up, develop yourself, get goal-oriented, et cetera.

1:46 And it really makes a massive difference in their life. So that's what I want to talk about today. I was at the gym today, and I was feeling a little disappointed. I was feeling a little disappointed with my life and just some of the things that have been happening right now, which is insane, because things are absolutely spectacular in my life. And it just goes to show that fucking ego is never satisfied, no matter how good things get. You hear stories about multi-millionaires, Hollywood actors, people who have it all, professional athletes who are depressed, who are totally bummed out, or even guys like Kurt Cobain, who commits suicide, the lead singer for Soundgarden, the lead singer for Linkin Park, these guys committing suicide, and you're just like, what?

2:30 Those guys have it all. How the fuck could that happen? Well, no matter how much success you get, it's a bottomless pit, man, because of the ego, which we're going to talk about today. And you have to, even at a high station in life, and you guys are all going to get here, so really listen closely. You have to maintain the discipline of constantly doing the things that I'm going to tell you to do in this episode. Before I jump into the content, I want to read yet another testimonial, and this one's befitting because this is from my boy Francis.

2:57 He comes from the Great White North. He was a bit older. I think he was in his mid-50s, if not his early 60s. And Francis, if I overestimate your age there, I do apologize. But Francis, too, was a little bit depressed. You know, he just got divorced, knew nothing about modern dating, was totally terrified of getting on the apps, terrified of cold approaching, hadn't kissed a girl outside of his wife for decades. Think about that, man. Decades of not kissing a woman, let alone having sex with a woman.

3:27 So he came to me in a super genuine way, was a little bummed out, you know, a little bit down in the dumps, similar to the things that I'm going to talk about today, a little disappointed. And we were able to completely rectify that. And here's what he says. I worked with Mark Singh for 12 weeks in his coaching program, and it was life changing. It helped me to rebuild my confidence and motivation, my ability to attract women, and my ability to form relationships. I went from daily anxiety and negative beliefs of myself during several years following my divorce to a confident man with zero anxiety, positive inner beliefs, and willingness to put in the work and energy needed and just have fun.

4:08 I average one to two dates per week. My foundation is strong and my future is bright. Thanks to Mark. I cannot recommend his program enough. What I love most about that is obviously he's getting one to two days per week. It's my boy right there, Francis, going from zero to hero and a fucking legend. But I love that we were able to get rid of your daily anxiety because I too suffered from anxiety. I too suffered from a debilitating feeling of disappointment. I too suffered from not being able to get girls and through NLP, as well as the other life lessons I teach in my three-month coaching program.

4:42 I too was able to rid myself of anxiety, and I'm happy to hear that that NLP that I shared with you did the same for you. So gentlemen, with all that out of the way, let's go ahead and jump into the content. So why you're constantly disappointed and what to do about it. Now, I have a feeling this episode is going to get a lot of clicks because most of us are pretty disappointed at least some of the time. As I mentioned, even me, although I do run a tight battleship, I try to always look at the positive, always see all the abundance and generosity and greatness in this life and try to put love at the forefront of my actions.

5:23 Sometimes, you know, I get a little bummed, I get a little bored. And the first thing I want to talk about is boredom. The reason we are bored is because we're not getting enough serotonin. We're not getting enough adrenaline. We're not getting enough good chemicals pumped into our body on a day-to-day basis. What happens to a lot of us is we just do the daily drudge Monday through Friday, go into work, doing our responsibilities, adulting. And that could be super fucking demotivating because we're not getting the chemicals we need.

5:53 When you really look at your brain, it's basically like a big pharmacy and we need certain chemicals to be released into our system in order to feel good, in order to have those feelings of abundance, those feelings of appreciation, those feelings of happiness, which we all want to go for. So I have a rule in my life and that rule is very simple. Every day, do something fun. Entertain yourself, do something childish. You have to keep that shit entertained beyond just the low-level entertainment of like masturbating or playing video games, those things that don't give a ton of reward, but actually going out there and doing hobbies that make you feel good.

6:34 Now, for me personally, the reason I've been just a little bit down in the dumps lately is because it's fucking snowing all the time. I'm not really into winter sports. I don't enjoy skiing. I don't like snowboarding. So those things I like to do like mountain biking, getting out into the wilderness, TVing, fly fishing, all the shit that I moved to Colorado to do isn't really available to me during the winter. So what do I have? I have jujitsu, which is a fucking pain in the ass.

6:55 Don't really enjoy it. I have my RC cars. Don't know if I've ever told you guys, but I like to do RC car drifting. You know what drifting is? Is when the back tires break loose and it drifts. I'm really into that and I do that every weekend. Of course, I like to go to the nightclubs with my friends, but it's like not enough because I need more adventure. I need more adrenaline. Adrenaline is super important to me. So you have to think of ways, man, no matter what your situation is, you have to think of ways to keep yourself entertained.

7:28 It's so fucking important. And it's almost a discipline where every day you have to look in the mirror and you're like, God bless America. I got to entertain this idiot. What am I going to do today to keep this jackass entertained? Because it is important to get those chemicals released in your brain. Some of the things I suggest is picking up a new hobby like I did. It was like three winters ago where I was bored out of my fucking mind. And I'm like, you know what?

7:54 I like RC cars. What can I do? I like drifting. I watch Formula Drift all the time. I love that shit. And I was like, do they drift RC cars? And lo and behold, there was a place in Denver where you could do that. So I go be a nerd. Yes, even me nerds out sometimes. I'm not always with hot girls fucking living it up in the nightclub, Mr. Girl Magnet. I'm a normal dude just like you. I don't like video games, but I like RC cars.

8:15 So you dudes who play Dungeons and Dragons, play video games, play airsoft. We're guys. We like shit like that. And it's okay. Let yourself have those hobbies. And if a chick questions you, I'll be like, you are not cool unless you're into RC drifting because it's the shit. Driving RC cars around that track is absolutely awesome. And no, there's hardly any girls there. In fact, coincidentally, one of the best drivers at our track is female. She's super cool, but there's like no chicks there and it's okay.

8:43 I don't always have to be going to get chicks. I just want to have fun. So my first tip is, man, every day, boys, you have to have fun. Do something childish. Fuck around. Kick the soccer ball inside. Throw the Frisbee. Go sign up for pickleball. Play racquetball. Do whatever the fuck you got to do. I want you to have fun. The next thing that keeps us constantly disappointed is something I speak about all the time, which is the ego is deriving too much of your identity through things and accomplishments.

9:10 So if you derive your identity from how much money you make, how cool your car is, how cool your clothes are, anything that is ego based where you're attaching your identity to it, that is a recipe for disappointment. And the crazy thing about making a lot of money is once you get to a place where you are able to buy all that shit, then you have to maintain it. You hear about these people all the time who are making multi-millions who are broke. It's because they have to maintain this image that their ego has attached itself to because initially it feels good.

9:46 Initially it feels fulfilling. You think you can find yourself there, but then what happens? You're left disappointed and you've got to maintain the fucking money to pay the rent, to make the payment on the Lamborghini, to pay for all the bullshit that is nothing but transient sense gratification, transient, short-term sense, sensory gratification, gratifying yourself. So if you're the type of guy who gets his fulfillment through things like accomplishments, through things like identity, attaching your identity to your successes, your body, the way you look, the things that you own, recipe for disappointment because it's a never-ending hole.

10:23 There is no answer in doing that. The answer, of course, lies within and being present in the present moment, bringing your attention back to the now, which is another podcast episode I definitely have to do soon. But more importantly and more applicable to this episode is wanting what you already have. I love that concept. It's been a complete game changer for me. If you're listening right now driving your car, if you're in your room or if you're at a job or anything like that, remember the first time you really wanted that thing.

10:54 If you're driving in a car, remember that feeling the first time you wanted it. If you're at a job, remember the first time you applied for it, but really hoping you'd get that job. If you're in your house, look in your closet or wherever you happen to be and all the toys and bullshit that you have. That, at the present time, probably no longer fulfill you. But if you get back into the feeling of how cool it was to get that thing for the first time, you start to get what?

11:21 You start to get appreciation. Appreciation is one of the most important tactics you have to use to keep yourself satisfied. Every day you need to focus on what you do have, not what you don't have. It's easy to focus on what you don't have. Like me today at the gym, I'm like, I'm so fucking bored. Really, man? You have the life of a goddamn king. Why don't you appreciate the amazing woman you have? Why don't you appreciate the adorable, beautiful child you have, all the hobbies you have, all the clients you have, all the people you're helping through your podcast, you selfish bastard.

11:56 Stop focusing on what you don't have. Focus on what you do have and go through your entire life, man. Start in your bedroom, then expand out to your bathroom, your garage, your friends, your relationships, your job, all the cool people. The fact that you live in probably a country like the United States, Australia, England, Canada. Most of us are living in a first world country and actually got a letter today from a dude in India who's like, man, my life super sucks. And twice a week, I look forward to your podcast.

12:27 It gets me pumped up and it gets me appreciative for all the things that I have. Even though boys, he's in India where the standard of living is way less than it is for us. So it's easy to focus on what you don't have. It's hard to focus on what you do have. But when you do, when you have that discipline to say, thank you, thank you for this water bottle sitting on my table. Thank you for this fucking microphone, the same one that Joe Rogan uses.

12:54 Thank you for this MacBook Pro. Fucking so sick. Thank you for the cell phone, this iPhone, I don't know, 13, I think it is. What an unbelievable piece of technology you can hold in your hand. You literally have the Oracle in your hand. Got a question about life? Hmm, let me consult the Oracle. A quick Google search will tell you anything you want to know. It's unprecedented throughout history that we have this ability. For you to listen to my stupid ass on a goddamn phone through an app like Spotify or iTunes, what the living hell is that?

13:24 And how can we not be appreciative for that? But it's easy to focus on what's lacking. It's difficult and takes discipline and takes masculinity like a silverback to focus on what you do have. The next pitfall that keeps us disappointed is comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is something we naturally do, but you have to watch that so closely in your life, brother. You have to pay attention to the disappointment you feel because you're not tall enough, not making enough money, not pulling enough girls.

13:54 If you knew how insecure so many people are, you would never feel bad about yourself again. If you knew how long 40% of men last two minutes or less when having sex, you will stop feeling like you're a schmuck in the bedroom, that two pump chump, that one dip skip. If you really knew that the average income is what, $50,000 a year in the United States, you wouldn't feel so insecure about your job that doesn't pay you enough. Because you're comparing yourself to people who lie to you on social media channels like Instagram.

14:33 Oh, look at my life. Look how much money I'm making. I'm fucking balling. I'm kicking ass. You feel like a doob's lube because you're comparing yourself to this fucking liar who probably makes less than you do and is probably more insecure than you are. And I guarantee you not listening to a podcast like this 15 minutes in because he thinks he's too good for it. So comparing yourself to others is the wrong approach. Don't do it. Don't fall into that trap. Instead, brother, compare yourself to where you were when you first started.

15:01 When you first started trying to get better with girls. When you first started listening to a podcast like this one and trying to improve yourself, look down the mountain from time to time and see how far you've come rather than up the mountain, looking at those people seemingly on the summit, which is just an illusion. Smoke and mirror is the majority of it. And look at yourself. Compare yourself to yourself. And when it comes to approaching women, don't worry about what she says. Don't worry about getting a phone number.

15:30 Worry about did I have the balls to approach her? Remember, boys, when it comes to this game, you have to put your feelings of satisfaction on the effort, not the result. It does not matter what happens. I want to drum that into your fucking head because it's so important. It doesn't matter what happens with that girl. At least you tried. You entrepreneurs out there, I don't care how many times you failed. Are you still going? If you knew, oh my God, if you knew how many times I failed to make this business successful, you'd probably laugh at me thinking that I was a complete jackass for not quitting.

16:04 Failure cannot cope with persistence. One of my favorite quotes from Napoleon Hill. Failure cannot cope with persistence. You keep doing the work. You keep going. And for God's sakes, you give yourself credit for refusing to quit and the results will come to you. So comparing yourself to others, stop doing it, man. It's a huge reason most people are disappointed. The next reason is not enough masculinity. I discussed this in a recent episode where, as I mentioned earlier, your brain is a pharmacy that needs to operate on certain chemicals.

16:40 Testosterone is one of those chemicals. Vasupracin is another one. Adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin. These are all extremely important for you as a man. This whole movement to try to feminize men is making men miserable by the millions because they're getting too much into their femininity. They're not getting the right concoction of correct chemicals being released into their brain. So they feel like shit. They're disappointed. Get into your masculinity. A couple of tips for that. Lift weights. Go towards your goal. Be numbers oriented. I'm going to approach 10 girls today.

17:16 Maybe I'll get two phone numbers, but who gives a shit? It's the effort, not the result. Be towards oriented. Going for a goal, not because you're afraid of failure, but because you want to accomplish that success. Be a fucking man. Be disagreeable. Tell people no. Let it be a high quality no. A non-reactive no. A no that is free of any negativity and thus all suffering. This is what a man does. He goes after his goals. He takes names. He crushes goals. He fucking kills it.

17:38 And he doesn't care about the result. He puts his work into the effort. As the Tao Te Ching says, do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity. So more masculinity, boys, more jacking weights, more going to get girls. Be a fucking man. You know where your testosterone is? It's in your nuts. It's not in your boobies. So if you're unsatisfied with how you look, if you're unsatisfied with your life, then fucking change it. Take control of your life just as a man does and begin to enact change, which is what all those champions who wrote me today are doing.

18:15 And I'm fucking proud of you, boys. The last tip I have for you in this episode is to have a mission. One of the biggest reasons people get depressed. One of the biggest reasons people are disappointed is because they're not doing something that's bigger than themselves. Bigger than their little ego desires looking good on Instagram and TikTok. Bigger than getting notches on the bedpost because you're trying to have sex with as many women as possible. A man who is truly happy with his life is working.

18:43 And look at that word working. Yes, even those who are multimillionaires and don't have to work anymore, they choose to work because they want their mission. The money doesn't matter after a while. What matters is being happy, putting that body to work, putting that mind to work. My NLP coach said something interesting to me the other day. Don't know if I necessarily believe him, but I absolutely love the dude. And yes, gentlemen, I still get coaching myself. In fact, just so you know, I just dropped $20,000 into advanced NLP training, all of which I intend to do on my clients when they come into the coaching program because I continue to work on myself.

19:22 I am my mission as you are your mission. This podcast is my mission. Bettering men is my purpose here. So the fact that I have a mission, and even today, I was thinking about this at the gym when I was feeling all down and disappointed like a fucking bitch, I said to myself, bro, you need to get back on mission. Help out more men. And that's part of the reason I'm doing this podcast right now is because I'm fired up and yeah, I feel good. I don't feel disappointed right now.

19:48 So what's your mission? And if you don't know what it is, I want you to think about it over the next few weeks. How can I do something to better this world? If you're wondering what you should do with your life, the best question you can ask yourself is how can I better other people's lives? And your mission will be revealed to you. Your purpose here, that which your soul incarnated into this body with is bigger than just you. It's bigger than your entertainments, porn, playing video games, and other boring ass shit we do as men because we're too afraid to go for it.

20:18 How can I help others? How can I be of service to this world? That's what I asked myself and that's when this podcast revealed itself to me. And this podcast has been the biggest blessing because it's my work. It's my mission. It's my job. But it doesn't feel like work anymore when you're on mission. And when you're on mission, whatever your mission is, brother, that will keep you out of disappointment for the rest of your life. I'm never going to retire. I'm always going to be doing work like this.

20:46 Even if I do have enough money to retire and buy a desert island and go sit on it drinking a margarita, that is going to be fundamentally unfulfilling. Almost forgot to tell you the analogy my coach made to you. Goddamn, I'm glad I remembered this because that would have looked really bad. So he's like, Mark, when you have two houses, one that isn't lived in at all and one that's been lived in for 20 years, you have both houses sitting next to each other. The house that has been lived in will be in better shape than the one that hasn't been touched.

21:20 Why? Because use makes us stronger. Using things, putting it to work, having a purpose will even make a house stronger, according to my coach. He's a little out there sometimes. I absolutely love the dude. He's completely changed my life. Much love to you, Dale. But I love that analogy because you have a guy who doesn't do shit. You've seen these guys. Look at a documentary of like these super rich kids and how unbelievably socially awkward they are. How they just seem like quivering embryos, hiding behind their dad's money without any character.

21:51 Those travails that you've been through, that hard work you've done, that stress and weight that you've carried on your shoulders has benefited you. And I actually need to do an episode about that as well, how stress and how work will actually make you stronger. But in this one, we're talking about having that mission. So ask yourself, how can I be of service? And your mission will be revealed to you. In summary, the reason we are constantly disappointed is because of boredom. Do something every day that's childish.

22:20 Do something every day that releases that dopamine, that adrenaline, that serotonin. Super important. Have fun, man. Don't take this shit so seriously. Go have a good time. The second reason we're disappointed is we're deriving our identity through things and accomplishments. The third reason is comparing yourself to others. Don't do it. The fourth is not enough masculinity. The pussification of the 2023 male. Let's be the movement that stops that in its tracks. And the fifth one is not having a mission. Get a mission. And if you don't have one, ask yourself, how can I be of service?

22:54 And it will be shown to you. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. If you enjoyed this content, part of my coaching is life coaching. I coach these guys up to be happier, to get rid of anxiety, to be more fulfilled with the life that they get. They also typically make more money, by the way. They get definitely more women because that's what the program is. It teaches you how to get girls. And by the way, if you just want to do NLP or you want some life coaching, I don't do that.

23:22 At least not now. The only thing I do is teach dudes how to get tidal waves of women into their lives. And the method we use to do that is to fix what's inside their heads. We use NLP neuro-linguistic programming to remove belief systems, traumas, install new ones, new archetypes, schemas, and meta programs that make you operate effectively, not only with women, but in life in general. And because of that, when a wave of disappointment comes, and yes, sometimes it even comes upon me, we have the tools to get through it.

23:58 And we end the night as I am now at 1030 feeling fucking great because we are on mission. To sign up for a free one-on-one breakthrough session with me and my team, just go to my website, coachmarkstein.com. Fill in the quick application. You and I will email back and forth a little bit to get to know each other. If I feel like you're a good fit for me, and if you feel like I'm a good fit for you, you are going to get on a free one-hour NLP breakthrough session with my boy Victor Lynch to determine if we can 10X your results with women.

24:23 I will not take a guy unless we're 100% sure we can 10X his results, just like we did with Francis. Zero women, married for years on end, high anxiety, depression, three months in my program, two dates a week, anxiety completely gone, completely pumped on life, feeling masculine, feeling purpose-driven. That's what the fuck my program can do for you. Come explore it with us, brother. I'd love nothing more than to meet you. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, and I will see you in the next episode.

25:09 I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.