10 Low Value Traits You Should Kick Immediately

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP, and I'm super fired up today. Why is that? Because my new website just launched, CoachMarkSing.com. Brand new website, beautifully redesigned. I'm super freaking happy with it. And the best part is, is I got some awesome free shit to give you. If you head on over there, you can grab yourself the Approach Formula.

0:43 My program that's based on over 10,000 approaches of both me and my coaches, and it reveals how to approach and attract women without anxiety or rejection. So head on over there. I also want to say that there's a picture of me, this awesome picture that was taken, me talking to a girl. And it's perfect because we're right next to this wall, and on the wall is written, like, my statement, right? Like, I help go-getters meet and date more women, and then grab my free program. But what's awesome about that picture is it's doing exactly what I say to do to you guys, which is when you stand and you're talking to a woman, have your head very straight and look down on her with your eyes.

1:23 And then what you can see in the picture, too, is that I'm just kind of holding her hand very slightly, and my body language is very vertical and very relaxed. So head on over there. Check it out. CoachMarkSingh.com. And when you grab that program, you are going to learn 10 rejection-proof excuses to talk to women, Mark's three-step ladder to build massive attraction, and how to turn boring conversations into attraction-igniting machines. That's kind of stupid. Attraction-igniting machines. I'm going to have to rewrite that one. Wrote it last night at, like, 3 a.m.

1:55 while we were finishing this up. But, man, the Approach Formula is an awesome little program to get your butt out there meeting women without rejection. So pick that up, and when you get on my mailing list, I'm going to send you all kinds of good shit. Boy, you think my podcasts are good? Wait until you sign up to my list, man. I'm going to deliver the goods. But I'm super stoked with this website. Check it out. And listen, if you find anything wrong with it, do me a favor and contact me.

2:24 Let me know. Spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, maybe certain images aren't loading for you in your area. I really want to know, and I'd really appreciate your guys' help with that. I will get your name tattooed right across my forehead. All right, guys. So in today's podcast, we are going to talk about 10 low-value traits that you should drop immediately. You need to drop this shit, and the reason why I want to do a podcast on this is because I am an observer. I observe people in their natural habitat, and I watch what they do, and I listen to how they talk, and I notice a lot of very low-value things that a lot of guys are doing.

3:02 So we are going to go over those today. All right. So without further ado, guys, let's go ahead and jump into it. The first low-value trait you should kick immediately is spazziness, which is kind of funny because I'm kind of being a spaz right now. But when I say spazziness, I mean really being more energetic than the other person. When two people are talking, it's very clear who's controlling the frame. And one of the ways we can tell who's controlling the frame of the conversation, which means who's leading the conversation, who's less invested in the conversation, and therefore who has the power in the conversation, is the person who's putting out less physical energy than the other person.

3:42 Now, this is a dichotomy because you want to be putting out good energy from your body, like from your heart, from your energy field, we can say. But if you have like spazzy movements and you're really into the conversation and you're moving around a lot and the other person is very still and very calm and not moving around a lot, who has the power in that situation? The person who's trying less. You see, they're putting in less effort. Therefore, it looks like the outcome of the conversation is less important to them.

4:11 Therefore, they have the power. The person who cares the least is the one who has the power. I was talking to somebody the other day and they were just very spazzy, very like moving everywhere, shifting from foot to foot, very excitable. It's good to be expressive and it's good to have good energy. But I was like, man, you know, this person is a little bit insecure and I can see it because they're like moving a lot. They're leaning in, they're smiling, they're spazzing out a lot.

4:37 And it's like that spazzyness comes from a nervous energy that comes out in physical movements, right? It's like like that. And you're like, bro, relax, like lean against something. Take it easy and go ahead and take a minute to repeal yourself because you just came unpeeled and it's very unattractive to women. All right. This goes into my next one, which is nerd mannerisms. I call it nerd mannerisms. And we all kind of know these things intrinsically, right? You can just look at somebody and they have weird mannerisms, having an overly eager laugh to them, snorting after they laugh, having weird body movements.

5:15 Basically anything that you would see a poindexter type of person doing like these very nerdy mannerisms, you want to drop those immediately. And just pay attention to yourself. The more you get confidence, the more you get better with women, you'll find that the calmer you get and the less like spazzy, jerky, fast mannerisms you have. A lot of the times guys who are really good with women, they almost have like a slowness to them. They blink slowly. They move slowly. They speak slowly. They allow for space when they're talking.

5:46 This is a conversation I got into recently with a client. You want to allow for space. You want to be comfortable with space. And if there's an awkward, quote unquote, silence between you and a girl, you're okay to let it sit there. And in fact, I use awkward silences purposely to show her how strong my frame is. And I'll just look at her and lift my eyebrows and be like, say something, do your turn. Or I'll just sit there staring at her like, no big deal.

6:11 Now you talk. I'm not going to be influenced by the uncomfortable silence. And you'll notice with a lot of people, they always try to get things in, right? It's like they're always trying to fill the space. Why? Because they feel apologetic about their existence. They feel like, I'm sorry, I'm taking your time. Let me talk really quickly. Let me get this out. And they laugh after what they say. And they have nerd mannerisms. And they're spazzy. And they look like one of those long, narrow tubes that they put outside the car lots with the arms on it.

6:38 Like the big guys. Like, you don't want to be that dude. That is very low value traits that if you do that, you want to drop that immediately. Disclaimer laugh is something I've mentioned before. It's where you laugh after what you say. I see this all the time. And we do this is because we feel apologetic for what we're saying. We feel that we need to laugh for some reason to make it funny for what we just said. But how many times do you laugh when it's actually funny?

7:06 Sometimes I'll laugh after what I say. But it's like when it's actually funny, but I'm not going to be like, you want to go to the movies or hey, boss, sorry, I'm late today. I was in traffic. Just be like, yo, boss, I apologize for being late today. See how much more confident that came out other than like the supplicatory disclaimer laugh. So if you tend to do that, notice it in yourself and drop it. I did it too. So don't be upset if you do it.

7:31 Just drop it. All right. Tonality that seeks rapport. As we've discussed as well, tonality that seeks rapport goes up. At the end. Hey, how you doing today? Right? It's seeking rapport. The thing about an alpha male, the thing about a guy who gets girls, and by the way, this is why bad boys attract girls too, is they don't seek rapport. They're willing to break rapport. They're willing to be disagreeable. They're willing to look somebody in the eye and say no. How uncomfortable are you to say no to somebody?

8:00 Somebody asks you for something. Could you be like, no, no, I'm not going to do that. Can you look them in the eyes? Right now, I'm shopping for an ATV, all-terrain vehicle. I want to get a Yamaha Grizzly 700. It's this kick-ass ATV. But right now, because of COVID, there are no ATVs around. So I'm going into these dealerships. And these guys are like trying to frame control me, bro. And I'm just looking at them in the eyes, not moving. Just like completely controlling the frame. And just being like, no, I'm not going to pay that.

8:29 And by the way, I'm hoping to get a good deal on one so I can tell you guys the story. And I'm going to use the methods I talked about in my FBI negotiation podcast. But right now, I'm playing a little game with this other dealer. He's trying to freaking frame control me. I'm trying to frame control him. But it's like the other day, we were staring at each other from across the table. And like, I would not break eye contact. I wouldn't say anything. And eventually, he broke eye contact.

8:53 And between two silverbacks, we know who won that battle. We both know. And you know what? To be honest with you, 100% transparency, I shouldn't have done that. Because according to the FBI podcast, I'm getting a little off topic here, but fuck it. According to the FBI podcast, you need to make them feel like they had the power. But it was so uncomfortable for me to supplicate and like not control the frame that I kind of fucked up a little bit. So we got into a silverback contest.

9:21 I bitch slapped him with my eye contact. And then he didn't want to come down on the price. So I walked out, waiting for him to call me. We'll see what happens. But I made a mistake. I made a mistake. My ego, my ego got involved. But anyway, with women, you don't want to have a tonality that seeks rapport. Can I have your number? No, it's like, hey, why don't you toss me your number and we'll catch up some other time. Your tonality goes down at the end.

9:46 Remember we talked about this? Very important. Other mannerisms that are very low value is like pulling your shirt off your belly fat. I see a lot of guys do this. Like they'll adjust their clothing weird or like they'll continue to mess with their hat or they're like play with their ring. Some kind of mannerism that shows that they're uncomfortable. Also like itching your face. When you're under social pressure, and one of the ways you get under social pressure is to lie. When you're lying, the blood vessels in your face expand.

10:17 So if you're talking to somebody and they itch their nose particularly, it's a good sign that they're either lying or they're under immense social pressure. So that goes back to staying very still, right? When I'm talking to girls, I'm very still. Now, of course, I'm expressive. I'll use my hands a little bit, but I'm not spazzy like we talked about. And I don't do mannerisms while I pull the body fat off my shirt or try to like lift my sleeve up to show a little extra muscle.

10:45 If you're ripped and you have a good body, when you go into an interaction with a woman, the last thing you want to do is try to pose, pose up. And you see dudes posing up all the time in the bar, don't you? It's like they got their super tight shirt on and like they itch the back of their neck so you could see their muscles or they stand in a way where like their chest is out and they get this very serious look on their face.

11:06 Don't pose up. Let it go. Forget about your good body. Forget about all that and be comfortable. Be secure in yourself. Because girls can feel when you're trying to pose and it just is unattractive. Remember, when you try to impress a girl, it chases her away. When you don't give a shit and you're very relaxed within yourself, that gets her attracted. Another thing I hate that I see a lot of my clients do is using emojis in their text messages or they use LOL or ha ha ha too much.

11:39 And it's the same thing as a disclaimer laugh. They're just doing it in their freaking text messages. So they'll like write something and like ha ha ha, LOL, smiley face, smiley face, rainbow, unicorn, freaking sunshine and a fire. I'm like, bro, drop that. Don't use emojis. Emojis are for girls. Drop the LOLs all the time. Don't apologize for what you said. Own it. Say it. And another quick tip about texting, you want to make purposeful mistakes that make it look like your texts are rushed. I talked about this in my online dating sequence.

12:12 But what I mean is you don't want to look uneducated, but you want to make it look like your texts are rushed. So I'll purposely leave like periods off or no space between two words to make it look like I rushed it. And I personally don't use emojis. I think they're low value and I think you guys should drop them too. Another thing about texting is the text way more than the girl does. You like shoot in like three texts in a row and or texting her more than one for one.

12:41 So what I mean is when you're texting a girl, this is the fucking golden rule of texting. Do not text her more than once. If she doesn't text you back, then she's done, dude. Two weeks before you text her again. Seriously. Yes. Two fucking weeks. You text her. She texts you back. You text her. She texts you back. That's the way it should be. And furthermore, don't have your texts be like way longer than hers are. I know sometimes women don't give us a lot to work with.

13:07 Believe me, I know that better than anybody. But bro, you got to keep your text shorter than hers. You got to look like you're not trying. And once again, don't freaking use emojis and unicorns and rainbows and all that other crap, man. It just makes you look effeminate. All right. The next one is getting angry. Guys who get angry. Yes, that is a low value trait that you should kick immediately. Why? Because when you get angry, it shows that the outside world has moved you off what I call your inner balance point.

13:37 So all of us have an inner balance point of stability within us and those who are truly successful, those who are alpha males, those who are silverbacks, don't get angry so easily. It takes a lot to get them angry. They're ensconced in their own calmness. They're ensconced in their own being. In the outside circumstances, like homeboy at the ATV dealership freaking trying to mad dog me. I didn't get angry. I acted incorrectly. I freaking frame checked him. I shouldn't have done that. Couldn't help it, man.

14:07 Just too much training, too much training with the girls. Like I got to like unlearn what I learned when it comes to negotiating. But I didn't get angry about it. I was like, all right, bro. Like call me if you change your mind, man. This is what I can afford. So if you're not willing to match that, then beat it. Like I don't even want to talk to you. I'll go to a different dealership. But I didn't get angry. I didn't get angry. I just showed him I'm not to be fucked with, which again was the wrong move.

14:32 So we'll see how that all turns out. I should have been supplicatory. In that one instance, like Chris Voss teaches you, you got to make the other party feel like they're in power. Now, this has to do with negotiation. It does not have to do with girls. Mind you, this does not have to do with girls. But right now, I'm kind of like in a negotiation thing. I want my goddamn ATV. I haven't been able to get it yet. So I'm kind of all fired up about the negotiation stuff.

14:56 All right. Another thing that guys do is they get overly happy about things, right? A guy who's really stable within himself, he doesn't get super angry or butt hurt or frustrated when things go bad. And he doesn't also get overly happy when things go good. Yes, he maintains a certain level of happiness, of pleasure, of fulfillment, of peace within himself. But it's like not over the top. I always know that when somebody goes over the top happy about something, like they're really fired up, it's always a warning sign for me, especially with women.

15:29 If I'm talking to a woman and she's super happy because this, that, and the third happened in her life, it's always a big red flag for me because I know she's going to get that pissed. Like as far as she went on the spectrum on the right side, bro, she's going that far on the left side. And also with girls, if they're talking shit about somebody else to you, then they're talking about you to somebody else. Keep that in mind. All right. The next one is guys who get super duper happy when they're talking to a girl.

15:56 They're smiling. They're leaning in. It's like all their Christmases have arrived all on the same day. And they're just so stoked to be talking to this girl. Oh my gosh. She's so cute. Hey, how are you doing? Oh, do you come here often? Yeah, no, I just, I came from the other bar and it was great. It was really great. So, so what's your name? Right? Blowout, dude. Like you were getting blown out so fast. Your pants are going to fly off when the concussion hits and wrap around the bartender's head.

16:26 The bartender is going to fall backwards, crack her head on a bottle of Jim Beam. The bouncer is going to know that you did it and you're going to get drawn, cornered and unceremoniously thrown out of the city by a catapult. We do not want that to happen. So do not get too excited to talk to a girl. It's just a girl, bro. Relax. There's millions and millions of them. So take it easy over there. All right. I'm going to have to break this up into two different podcasts because I was just looking at my list and I have about 23 low value traits that you should kick immediately.

16:56 So I'll do 10 here and then I'll follow up with the next 13 maybe later this week. So the last one I want to talk about is saying the same words over and over again. Words like, you know, like, there, here, um, and what have you. So an example of this would be like, yeah, so I got a girl's phone number and what have you and called her and what have you. And we decided to go on a date and it was going to be really mellow and what have you, but we were out to dinner and what have you and we started making out and then we had great sex and what have you.

17:30 And then she didn't call me back and what have you. And I was wondering what exactly happened there. What did I do wrong? Well, I'm going to tell you, you fucking dingbat. You said, what have you too much. I had a boss that used to do that. What have you this and what have you that he's like, Mark, um, why don't you go ahead and call up the limousine company and what have you, and, uh, go ahead and figure out like how many limousines they have on stock and what have you.

17:51 And I was like, bro, relax with the, what have you a lot of clients, especially those of you who live up North will say there or here too often. So I want you to admit to yourself that you might say something too much. In my case, I said, like too much. If you listen to my previous podcasts, especially the ones that happened in the very beginning, both John, my buddy and I said, like way too many times, by the way, a couple of you guys have asked me about John and we're totally still friends.

18:21 Everything is still great. He just had different goals and priorities than I did. So he didn't have time for the podcast because he's really into traveling and being free right now. So I said, fuck it, dude, I'll just do it myself, but we're still totally homies. We still work together, talk all the time. Really good friends. So no hard feelings there whatsoever, but he especially does like a lot. And he also will, will snap his lips a lot, which I've told him about. And he admits, and I said, like too many times too.

18:49 I said, um, too much. And I've been working on that. So when we speak, we want to flow. We don't want to say words over and over again. Like, you know, my jujitsu instructor says, you know, all the time, you know, guys learning jujitsu is really important. Cause you know, you know, you might have to defend yourself, you know, and what if you're in the supermarket and some guy tries to choke you out, you know, and you got to go ahead and, and, and neutralize that situation, you know, and it's really important, you know?

19:14 And I'm like, you know, should stop saying, you know, so much, my dude, I absolutely love my professor, but, uh, we all have this. We all say things too much and it just takes a little bit of attention to recognize it in yourself, drop it. Cause it's a very low value trait that you should kick immediately. All right, guys. So, like I said, I have a lot more to add to this, a lot more really good ones. So stay tuned for that. And if you could go to my website and sign up for the approach formula, I would really appreciate it.

19:43 I'm going to be sending you guys some awesome stuff in the weeks ahead. And I just kind of want to get some feedback as to like, you know, what you think of the website and what have you. And, you know, if you could tell me what you think and what have you, I'd very much appreciate that. And what happened anyway, guys, I do thank you for listening and I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.