15 Truths About HATERS (and how to handle them)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What's up guys, Mark Sing here from the UMP. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode. I really do appreciate it. Today we're going to talk about haters, why you're being hated on, and 15 truths about haters, and how to handle them, how to move past them, how to make it so they don't affect you so negatively. Before we jump into the content, which is kind of ironic, I want to ask you guys for a review.

0:38 It's ironic because what I'm about to say about reviews, but reviews help me tremendously to know whether or not I'm delivering content that you guys can resonate with. And they also help other people find this podcast. So if you find any value whatsoever in this podcast, I really appreciate it that you do me a solid and leave me a review on whatever platform you possibly can. And listen, email me when you've left your review and I will send you two programs as well as several videos.

1:11 I'll send you the conversation sniper, 101 deadly one-liners for building attraction and guide to the female orgasm, how to go down on a woman and have sex with her so that you are the best sex she's ever had. Also, I want to mention briefly that I do have an Instagram page. I'd very much appreciate it if you guys can follow me. That's Coach Mark Singh. And by the way, if you do want to email me after you've given that review, go to CoachMarkSingh at gmail.com. So basically everything's Coach Mark Singh.

1:37 You can also take a look at my coaching offer and that's CoachMarkSingh.com. So I divided this into four sections. I've been kind of trying to do that lately to deliver the goods, give you guys some really good information. So the first section is why you're being hated on, 15 truths about haters. Then we're going to talk about why you're getting angry about the haters because if you're getting affected by people who hate you and it pisses you off, there's a really clear reason for that. We're going to discuss that and how to fix it.

2:08 Then we're going to talk about how to deal with haters and rise above the need for validation from others. And then finally, we're going to talk about the most enlightened way to deal with haters. There's really good stuff in that section. So please stick around until the very end. All right, guys, haters. I have gotten so much hatred in my life that I was really looking forward to doing this because I have a really good perspective on it. But the biggest reason haters hate you is because they're peanut butter and jealous.

2:38 They're jealous of you, bro. They have low self-esteem and they want everyone, including you, to feel as bad as they do. If you were to fail, it would make them feel way better about themselves. So they're trying to put out pitfalls for you to fail. They failed, so they want you to fail too. As they say, misery loves company. All right. It also feels good to correct people, especially people like me who make a living teaching others how to be successful with women. It feels really good for somebody to come along and correct me and feel above me because they pointed out something that I'm doing wrong.

3:15 Or to say, oh, this guy's content is shit because then if they feel better than me, it's like they've gone above me in the pecking order and that like justifies their low self-esteem. We also get a hit of dopamine when we correct someone and feel right. We've all been there. We all want to correct people. When we feel right, we actually feel better about ourselves. So there's people that are quite addicted to this that go all over the internet, on YouTube, on podcasts, on anywhere, and they just hate, hate, hate.

3:45 They just spew out the hate because it actually makes them feel better, gets them dopamine, and they actually get addicted to it. All right. They also have a scarcity mindset. They think since you're successful that it takes away from them. So you, for example, right? You're listening to this podcast. You're obviously into self-development. You're probably getting better. You're improving. Well, people around you are going to see that. And when they see you improving, it threatens them. And it feels to them like you're taking away something from them.

4:14 If he's getting successful with girls, then that takes away that girl from me because they have a scarcity mindset. They don't have an abundance mindset, which means more girls for everyone. You know, there's plenty to go around. Let's all party. Hey, if I bring you up, I bring myself up too. No, no, no, no. They believe if you go up, you're like stepping on their shoulders to make yourself go up. But the truth of the matter is, is that when you help others, you actually help yourself.

4:39 But they're still stuck in the delusion of scarcity. All right. So needless to say, they're not happy and they want others to be miserable too. Like I said, misery loves company. They'll attribute your success to luck rather than hard work. So whenever a hater comes across somebody who's successful, they always make an excuse. Oh, he inherited that money from his family. Oh, he stumbled ass backwards into the money. He got lucky. But a lot of the times it actually is hard work and perseverance and getting coaching and working on yourself.

5:12 But haters hate that. They don't want to know anything about that because again, it shines a light onto their failure. So they want to attribute it to luck. They don't think you can do it. But here's the truth. The harder you work, the luckier you get. All right. So haters don't take the time to invest in themselves the way you guys are doing. You guys are listening to this podcast. Some of you are getting coaching. So they resent you for improving yourself because you're a crystal clear reflection of what they aren't doing.

5:43 So think about that for a second. And when they see you, it's actually a mirror that shows themselves that they're still stuck at the point that you were stuck at months ago. And they hate that shit. And they want to bring you back to where you were so they can feel justified in living their lives. You're literally a mirror for them. And they don't want to look in that mirror because it's painful. All right. Another interesting thing about human psychology is that what you hate in another is actually what you hate about yourself.

6:11 So for me, I really hate people with high voices. It really annoys me. But that's because I have a high voice naturally. So when I hear people's voices that are high, I get really, like, irritated by that. I also get irritated with people who have, like, skinny calf muscles, right? It's like, oh, God, that looks so gross. I think it looks horrible. But that's because I have skinny calf muscles. So it's always what you hate in yourself that you hate in another. So anytime you're, like, hating on somebody and you're like, God, that guy fucking annoys me.

6:42 Think about what he has inside of him that you have inside yourself. And then you can get a clear view into what's going on inside you so you can work on yourself. All right. So oftentimes, ironically enough, haters are kind of, like, mildly obsessed with you. So they'll stalk your profiles. They're secretly your biggest fans. And really, they secretly want to be you. They want to be successful. And they hate us because they ain't us. You guys have probably heard that before. They hate us because they ain't us.

7:14 And it's really true. They actually want to be like you. They want to get your success. But because they don't have that, they want to hate on you and try to bring you down and take the success away from you. There's also a natural sense of justice that most people have. You know, justice. I was watching this thing about human psychology the other day. And the sense of justice is instilled in us quite early in our lives. In fact, they did this experiment with three-month-olds. And they were basically doing a puppet show where one puppet would take the ball from the other puppet.

7:47 And then at the end of the show, they asked which puppet the baby wanted to play with. And it was always the one that had the injustice done to him. So it wasn't the one that was, like, the asshole. It was the one who was, like, a good person and who was, like, victimized and treated unfairly. The babies didn't want to deal with the criminal or the person who was unfair because they have a sense of justice. So in life, haters get butthurt because they feel they deserve something.

8:16 And when they don't get it, when life doesn't work out for them, they get butthurt about it. And then they aim their hatred at other people. They want to bring those other people down because they felt a massive sense of injustice. And this is a big reason for mass shootings and murders and stuff like that. It always comes down to injustice. I was treated unfairly in life. I didn't get dealt the hand that other people got. So I'm going to kill those people because fuck them, right?

8:43 This is not fair. And when people don't feel like life has been fair to them, they get really, really angry. And it turns them into haters really quick. All right. And lastly, in this section, being offended. Okay. So being offended is actually one of the most self-righteous, arrogant things you can do. Why? Because it's a statement that your way is the right way and everyone else should behave like you do. So hatred oftentimes starts with being offended. So first you get offended and then it grows into hatred.

9:15 Well, first and foremost, the whole offended thing comes out of an unconscious belief that your way is the right way. Everyone should behave like you do. And if they don't, you get really butthurt about it. You get offended. And then from that, you get the negative energy brewing. Then you start hating on those types of people. And that's why we have such big rifts in our political system. That's why we have people who don't get along with one another. It all starts with this festering resentment that begins out of being self-righteous.

9:46 My way is the right way. Everybody should behave like I should. That's the way it should be. But when we change the way we think and we get more open-minded and we have the viewpoint that it takes all kinds of people to make a world. And we say, hey, you know, the crazy hippie far-left liberal people who want to elect Bernie Sanders are, you know, just as worthy as the far-right gun-toting hillbillies that want to elect Trump. And we all have our say, that's what freedom of speech is, and everybody deserves to have their own viewpoint.

10:19 And we can honor that. And we can kind of chuckle at it sometimes and say, hey, you know, they have their viewpoint because of the childhood that they had, because the experiences they had. And then suddenly we stop getting offended. We stop being self-righteous. And then we stop being haters. And that's how to stop the hatred within ourself. All right, so speaking of that, this is why you're getting butt hurt about the haters. Because oftentimes when we get hated on, we hate just as much back, don't we?

10:48 I mean, really, we're not really that much better than the haters if we're getting offended by the haters. And if you're already valid within yourself, then comments will not really make much difference to you, will they? If you get your validation from within yourself, which I always talk about, masculinity validates itself, then you're not going to get mad about haters. And in fact, when you get mad about haters, then you have a feminine schema going on that questions, am I good enough? Am I okay? An NLP, this is called a schema.

11:24 And that schema is questioning, because that's what feminine does. Feminine, as I've talked about, likes to get validation from outside itself. So if you're being affected by the haters, that means you're looking for validation outside yourself, and therefore you're in a feminine energy. And it's the same thing with compliments. If you get compliments, good comments, people love your work, people love you, you feel really good about that because of that, then you're relying on outside criticism and outside compliments to justify how you feel about yourself.

11:56 But that's feminine. Masculine says, hey, I'm good enough because I decide to be good enough. So you should know that if I'm seeking validation, I'm slipping into feminine too much, or I have a hole that didn't get fulfilled by the feminine or masculine in my youth. So oftentimes, and I dare say this happened to me, we don't get enough validation from our mom or our dad, so we look for it outside ourselves. But when we recognize that, we can work on it, and then we can fix it.

12:27 Okay, the failure schema is another one. That's a masculine version of the scarcity schema. It's saying, I am inadequate. I am not man enough. So here, let me look outside myself to see if people like me. Oh shit, I got a bad comment on my YouTube channel. Oh God, I feel like shit. Fuck that guy. He's an asshole. Why would anybody say that? God damn it. And then you can't stop thinking about it for two days. So if you get hated on, maybe it's on your Facebook, maybe it's at school, maybe it's at work, maybe it's whatever.

12:58 You need to know that you're looking for validation way too much outside yourself. Once you recognize that, awareness alone is curative. That alone might cure it up. But once you recognize that, like, whoa, I have this failure schema going on. I have a scarcity schema going on. Maybe I should work on that. All right, so people who have this, and like I said, I've struggled this with myself, just so you know, are validation seeking. Okay, they want to be validated. They want to be told they're good.

13:27 They want to be loved because they lack love somewhere in their life. So remember, when you're in this energy, you're going to be really happy about compliments. Compliments are going to hit you really hard, and you're going to get super fired up about it. You're going to get fired up about the good reviews, and you're going to get really upset when you get some bad reviews, when you get some insults. So you should know that, hey, I'm a little bit too much in the feminine energy.

13:53 Let me snap myself out of it. And how do you snap yourself out of feminine energy? If you listen to this podcast enough, you should know. You get into a masculine problem-solving mindset. Okay, so if you get a bad review on your podcast, and you get real butthurt about it, like more butthurt than you feel is justified, you should say, okay, I'm way too much of my feminine. I'm looking for too much validation. What's the answer here? Well, let me try to put this energy into my podcast and improve it.

14:21 Let me do more research. Let me try to give better information. Let me give a better delivery. Let me improve the sound. So you actually take that hatred as a constructive criticism, and you try to better yourself because of it. Then when you know that you've done the effort to improve yourself and your podcast, then you can feel better about yourself based on yourself, not what anybody else says. Okay, so how to deal with haters and rise above the need for validation from others. Okay, haters are going to hate, guys.

14:54 As the old saying goes, no matter what you do, you are always going to have haters. Nobody is 100% liked. And in fact, the more liked you are and the less haters you have, that might be an issue. And I'm going to talk about that in a moment. Okay, so one of the ways you can know you're on the right path is by the number of haters that you have. So you want to take the hatred as a compliment. The more success you have, the more haters you have, and it works inversely.

15:22 When you get lots of haters going on, you know that you're growing. You know that you're getting successful. So you take it as a compliment. When they're trying to bring you down, it's a sign that you're doing something right. I absolutely love that. When they're trying to bring you down, it's a sign that you're doing something right. All right, there's also the saying, the tallest poppy always gets cut. Which means the tallest person, the most successful, the person who's accelerating themselves and growing quickly is the one who's going to get cut down.

15:54 So once again, you take it as a compliment. The more haters you have, the more it's a sign of your success. For the 100 haters that you get, you benefited 900 people, ideally. Okay, 100 haters, then you know you benefited 900 people. So that's what me and my coach have been talking about, about my podcast. Is, when I get more haters, that means I'm going to have benefited more people. And that's how you have to reframe it. You get one bad comment, you get a one star, and some guy's just hating on you.

16:25 Well, then you know, shit, dude, I just benefited all those other people. That's how you reframe it. All right, so no matter how good your material is, not everyone's going to like it. Not everyone's going to resonate with me. Not everyone's going to like me. So for my podcast, I have a very positive message. Dude, it's just not going to resonate with people who are in a negative mind space. They're not vibrating with it. If I'm giving positive messages, then I get hatred. It's like, yeah, of course, it's par for the course.

16:54 There's negative people out there who just aren't going to jive with that positive message. So one out of 10 should hate what I'm saying. That will show that I'm being radical enough. It's showing that I'm pushing the envelope enough. I'm being myself enough. I'm not trying to squeeze myself into any prototype to be politically correct. Whatever it is, I'm being that masculine energy that makes no apologies for it, right? I'm being myself and I'm edgy. Therefore, I'm going to piss some people off. And frankly, if I piss some people off, good.

17:27 Because then the rest of you guys, I'm really helping. All right. So out of every nine good reviews, one bad one is actually okay. And it's actually preferred. It's the same with you guys. It's about one out of 10 that you want to be pissing off. Then you know you're on the right course. All right. So how do you deal with haters? Ignore them. Don't engage them. Don't read their comments. When I see that one star, I don't even fucking read it. Like, it's negative. Okay. I know it's negative.

17:54 There's not going to be much there. I don't fucking read it. I take the hatred as a compliment. I say, cool. I'm on the right path. I'm growing. I'm pissing people off. That means I'm making a difference. That means I'm making an impact. And that's what I want to do. I'm on the right course. Of course, you should be cognizant. I'm not saying to put blinders on. You know, if 50% of people are hating me, then of course, I'm going to change my message or at least my delivery style.

18:19 Try to make it better. But if you're in the sweet spot of about 10%, then stay on the course. You're doing something right because you really are helping the other 90%. All of us, including you, we want to get to the place eventually where we outgrow the good comments and we outgrow the bad comments. You're past that. You're above it. You're here to make money. You're here to make a difference. You're here to help people. You're not just looking for compliments about you. It's all about the other person.

18:49 Yeah, it's good that you get a good review or like a good compliment because you help somebody else out or you're making a difference in somebody else's life or like girls are being attracted to you. You're getting lots of like good feedback from chicks. It's like good. You can calibrate based off of that, but it's like your internal validation isn't based on it. You get that from yourself. All right. So finally, part four, the most enlightened way to deal with haters. We have to understand guys that all attack is a cry for help.

19:18 All attack is a cry for help and all anger is derived of fear. Fear produces all anger. So we need to know that our haters are actually suffering to a pretty high degree. I mean, just think of the mental space you'd have to be in to leave hate filled comments on some guy's YouTube channel or podcast where this dude's like working hard to deliver entertaining content, tell good stories or like me, I'm trying really hard to help you guys. Like what kind of headspace does a dude need to be in to like hate on that?

19:51 That's pretty negative energy. So this person's really suffering. Things didn't go well in their lives. They didn't have the tools. They didn't find the resources to be able to fix themselves the way you guys have. You guys have been listening to a podcast. You're obviously working on yourself. You're into self-development. We're very lucky that we're in this space, but other people don't get so lucky. And even if they do find it, they can't resonate with it because their life has been so tough. So we need to have compassion for people who are suffering.

20:21 These people are definitely suffering. And the highest state is to have compassion for them. You almost see them as a child who has a temper tantrum because he doesn't get his way. But rather than judging that child, I mean, you wouldn't judge a child if he freaked out because you took his toy or he lost his toy, you know, wherever on a trip, you wouldn't be like, what a fucking idiot. No, you'd be like, man, I feel really bad for that kid. And that's the same level of enlightened thinking that we need to get to with our haters is, look, this guy's suffering and he's a soul just like I am.

20:55 He's a person who wants to be happy. And bro, I'm going to tell you, when I was 23, I was a fucking hater and I changed. And that's the thing too, is we have to know that everybody can grow out of that. Everybody is evolving. So right now, however old you are, okay, you may have some friends or some associates who are hating on you. You have to know that that's a stage in their development where they're suffering. They're in a really bad place in order to hate on you.

21:18 They're jealous of you. They're threatened by you. You do something that reminds them of themselves. It's always from an internal hatred and you don't take it personally. You say, dude, it's his issue, but he can evolve past it. That guy could become a fucking enlightened master. That guy can become a living Buddha. So to make a solitary final statement about him being a hater, a piece of shit is also ignorant of us. So we need to take the higher ground and be like, look, I have compassion for this guy.

21:49 I literally feel bad because he's suffering. Like a child who just lost his favorite toy. We don't insult the child. We feel bad for them. And then if we can, we even try to help them to get past that. So that's kind of the most enlightened way to deal with haters. Am I there yet? Completely? No, but I have taken a few steps in that direction. And honestly, like when I do get hated on, especially at the bars and the nightclubs, which happens all the time, I actually sometimes kind of feel bad for the dude.

22:16 Like, Hey, I've even invited dudes to like come into our group. Like the guy will be hating on me or one of my clients or one of my coaches. And I'll be like, Hey bro, like, what's your name, man? What's up, Chris? I'm Mark. By the way, when you give somebody your name, it immediately lightens the situation up. It's a very good tactic. And I'm going to talk about that tactic in an upcoming podcast about FBI hostage negotiators. So sick. Can't wait to do that podcast.

22:42 But I'd invite him in because you, I have compassion for them. I know he's suffering. Nobody would hate on another unless they themselves are suffering in their lives. So you want to have compassion for those who are bringing you down. And if you can get to that place, then you know that you truly are success. And no longer will the hatred have any effect on you whatsoever. Really appreciate listening guys. I do appreciate the support as much as I don't rely on it for my internal validation.

23:11 It feels really good to know that I'm helping you. And those good comments on especially iTunes really help grow this podcast. So other guys who are trying to improve themselves can really benefit from this material as well. So once again, thank you so much for listening. I do appreciate it. And I'll see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.