The "T&C Rule:" How to Make Women Addicted to You

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What's up guys, Mark Sing here coming at you live and direct with another episode of the UMP and today I got a really, really important one for you. In fact, I would say that this is the most likely reason that guys get broken up with, most likely reason guys don't get sex, why guys get ghosted, and also on the flip side, why guys go into the friend zone.

0:43 And that is the T and C rule. Now you're sitting there wondering, Mark, what is this T and C rule? Well, here it is, my friend. Trust and connection. I know, I know. The last thing we want to talk about as guys is how to do trust and connection. But trust me and connect with me. You have to do this, bro. If you want to really attract women, frankly, if you want to make a woman fall in love with you, this is the secret recipe. So in this episode, I really prepared my stuff here.

1:11 I was like a college student, man, like researching, writing all this stuff down. I got really good notes here for you guys, really powerful stuff. And I'm going to divide it into, I think I got five or six parts here, blow through it in my usual 20 minutes, give you guys all the information you need to really develop this all important trust and connection. Cause guys, if you don't have this, you're not getting sex. She's not going to trust you. And I have a lot of clients who come to me and they're good at the first part of the game, but girls won't sleep with them.

1:46 And they're like, dude, what the fuck am I doing wrong here? And I'm like, bro, you're not doing the T and C rule. So we're going to do that. This literally is a superpower with women. All right. So part one talks about why we evolved and why women are so crazy, seemingly crazy in their heads, why they're so emotional, why they can read you so well. And why us guys are champions who can throw a dart into the neck of a llama and smoke that fool and feed the whole tribe for the next two weeks.

2:18 Why we're evolved to be hunters. So evolutionarily speaking, okay, it's obvious. We lived in tribal communities, us guys, we'd all get together. We'd paint our faces up. We get our bows and arrows ready. We get the horses mounted and we go on the hunt. Nothing's funner than going on the hunt. And I suggest if you haven't done it yet ever in your life, hunting, I know it's a little bit touchy for some of you guys, especially for your vegans, but hunting is so fun, man. Nothing makes you feel more like a man because that's tribal.

2:47 That's like in your DNA, go hunting. And then you go camping that night and you're sitting around a campfire eating meat from the fricking deer, the elk that you killed. Best experience ever, in my opinion. All right. So women, what did they do? They hung back at camp. They took care of the kids. Okay. So you have all this entire tribe back at the camp and relationships were super important, right? Because it dictated whether or not they were going to survive. If you had strong relationships with the other women, with the other mentors, with the elders and other women in the tribe, and even the children, you had a stronger chance of surviving.

3:24 You had a stronger chance of your children surviving. So women developed this innate ability to be able to instinctually see things that are going on. They get gut instincts. They can read people like a book. So that's part of the reason that when you go up and speak to a woman, she's, she's fricking seeing exactly what's going on inside of you. It's because she's developed this over 200,000 years of human evolution. She's literally programmed to see right through you. And that's why you got to fix the bullshit in your head.

3:59 Because when you have negative thoughts going on, when you have self-doubt, when you think, oh, this girl is too good for me, or I'm not worthy, it's communicated to her. And she's going to say, you're right. You're not worthy. So it's super important to get the programming in your head fixed. As you know, I do offer coaching, coachmarksing.com if you want to check that out. And by the way, I started an Instagram page. If you could go follow me on Instagram, I'll get your name tattooed on my neck.

4:24 And I'll get a decal of your face slapped onto the side of my car. Follow me at coachmarksing right there on Instagram. I would appreciate it. All right. So the second part of this, we're already on part two, man. We're making good progress. See, you and I get things done. Masculine, we're towards mentality. Let's blow through this shit, get it done, get it understood, implement it, and get ourselves laid. All right. So part two, how women think and behave and why. Okay. So as we discussed, women are very much emotional beings.

4:54 And they are so emotional. They have feminine energy within them. They have estrogen. And it's tons of hormones and emotions going on inside of them. So what she's feeling isn't necessarily related to the present moment. You have all kinds of past and future emotions merging into everything. So when women act quote unquote crazy, you can't necessarily take what they're saying at face value. Us guys, we're very rational. We think A plus B equals C, right? But women, it's like A to the third power plus Z times 4X3 over two equals zebra plus turkey.

5:31 And you're like, the fuck? Makes no sense. But here's the deal is we don't have to make sense of it. In part four or something like that, I'm going to teach you how to validate her feelings, how to listen to her, how to mirror her, and how to paraphrase back to her. So it seems like you understand it, but you don't have to understand it. Half the shit Marissa says, I don't understand what the hell's going on. I just wrinkle my eyebrows, purse my lips, and say, sweetie, I see you feel really sad right now.

6:00 What can I do for you? And then she's good. She's good to go. No, I'm just kidding. Marissa's actually pretty level-headed. So it's part of the reason I chose her to be my girl. She doesn't fly off the handle like lots of other girls have. I've had many experiences, man. Some pretty crazy shit. I'm talking Brickspring Throne, but that is a different podcast. All right. So as the man, it's your job to listen to her. And brother, here's the big point. Do not try to solve her problems.

6:27 Okay. As men, masculine energy is towards thinking. It wants to solve problems. But with the case with women, you don't want to solve her problems. You just want to listen. And I'm going to get into that in the next part. All right. So women attach their memories to their emotions and then use that information. And to predict future events. So when something happens to her, like let's say I had a girlfriend once who like her car window was broken and bro, it was like pandemonium in her life.

6:59 Everything got derailed and it was just like way overreaction, right? Because I don't know what the hell was going on, but she was feeling lots of different emotions at that time. And fortunately at that time I had had the training. So I was simply there for her. I listened to her. I mirrored her. I paraphrased back to her, which I'm going to teach you in a second. And it all went fine. It blew over very quickly. So you can't take literally what women say every time.

7:24 You kind of got to read through it and say, how are her emotions affecting her? And then also being able to empathize with her. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you be feeling if you had this tidal wave of emotions coming over you and you're overreacting a little bit to the situation? Well, you'd be pissed off if somebody came and tried to fix your problem. But instead, if they just listen to you and empathize with you, you'd love that person so much more. And that's what women want to do.

7:52 They want to connect with you. They want to feel like they can trust you, especially if they're going to have sex with you and especially if they're going to be in a long-term relationship with you. All right. Now we're on to part three, what most guys get wrong with women. Okay. So as explained, the reason most guys can't form an emotional connection with women is their default communication mode just involves exchanging facts and information, trying to be problem solvers. It's all about getting the info from the brain, making the logical connection, solving the problem going on with our day, right?

8:26 We're very rational. And as you're listening to this, you're like, yeah, that's the better way to be. And between you and me, let's keep it real quiet, kind of agree with you, kind of agree with you. But femininity has a lot of good things about it too. I'm going to do a podcast about that in the future. But yeah, we're very rational. So some of the shit that women do, it's like, what in the hell? How is this possibly helping your life? How is this possibly conducive or constructive to anything?

8:53 Well, it doesn't need to be because remember, they evolve that way. And brother, they can read people so much better than you can, that you might be wise to listen to women sometimes because they are like freaking genies, the way they can predict things, the way they can read people. They're like a cat before an earthquake, right? 20 minutes before the earthquake happens, the cat's darting around the room. Well, that's like a woman. She can predict this shit because she's so tuned in. And that's something we have to appreciate, validate, and have empathy for and listen to, frankly.

9:24 All right. Now, here's what most guys get wrong with women. And I dare say I've been in this category myself is that we get really good, like the bantering, the teasing, the flirting, the push pull, the frame control. Like we master that, right? And we get epic attraction right up front. But the problem is, is we go too far with that. We never slow it down or even turn it off. Or I should say, we don't turn up the connection, trust, and rapport building. So what happens is we do really good in the first stage.

9:57 But as we get more connected to this girl and we spend more time with her, we have to ramp up the connection phase. And I'm going to teach you guys how to do that in a moment. But so what we do is we do too much of the flirting, too much of the teasing. We never turn it off. And then she's like, dude, this guy's just a fuck boy. I can't trust him. He's just trying to get into my panties. I'm not really attracted to that because it's juvenile.

10:19 He can't be real with me. He can't connect with me. So here's the way it works is you have to start with all that attraction building stuff. That is absolutely necessary to start with that. And my friend, you have to get her attracted to you first before you deploy this trust and connection stuff. Okay, you can mix it in just a tiny bit in the beginning when you're flirting with her. For example, at the bars and the nightclubs when I'm flirting with chicks, when I say my name, I'm real genuine about it.

10:51 And I shake her hand and it's like real genuine. Maybe if it's cold, I'll say, hey, are you cold? It's kind of cold in here. You want to move over here next to this lamp? Like I show in very little ways that I'm cognizant of her comfort, that I'm cognizant of how she feels. And then she can feel a little bit of trust for me, but I don't go into the whole vulnerable. So, so tell me what the hardest experience was when you were a kid.

11:20 And then she starts saying, and I'm like, oh, that must've been horrible. That's how you get in the friend zone. Okay. So when I said in the beginning of this episode that a lot of guys land in the friend zone, it's because they do this connection and trust too soon. Remember, attraction comes first. Once we have attraction, then we're going to ramp up the connection and trust very systematically. And here's how we do it. Okay. Part four, how to deploy this concept of connection and trust.

11:48 All right. So basically each time you see her, you expose yourself a little bit more. And guys, when I say expose yourself, not talking about rocking out with your cock out, talking about exposing your feelings, your dreams, your vulnerabilities. Your emotions, and then getting her to do the same thing and being a good listener. I'm going to give you some tactics for how to do that on a second. Okay. So what you're doing is you're developing a deeper connection with her. This can include things like revealing your dreams, your hopes, your fears, everything else that makes you the man that you are, the unique experiences that you've had in your life, and basically that have shaped who you are.

12:29 Okay. So let's say you're on the first date together. You want to do about 80-20. So 80% flirting, teasing, 20% connection and trust. Then the next time you get together, you might want to pop that down to 70-30. The time after that, 60-40, and then about 50-50. So I'm in a long-term relationship, and I'd say probably 50-50. Like I fuck with her still, I tease her, I flirt with her, I smack her ass. But then at the same time, at the end of the day, I ask her, hey, how was your day?

13:02 And then I use the techniques I'm about to show you to really listen to her, to make her feel validated. And consequently, because I do those two things in the perfect mixture, she's madly in love. And I've made many girls fall in love with me in this way. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just showing you how powerful this is. First, you do the flirting, get them super freaking attracted. Then as they begin to win you over, you like open yourself up a little bit. And this is very calibrated.

13:30 But that mixture that I told you about, 80-20, 70-30, 60-40, 50-50. All right, part five, tactics to build trust and connection with women. All right, so when you're speaking to a woman, it's good to ask questions that get her to explain more. So you've probably heard of the news reporter, who, what, where, when, and how. You want to ask questions that start with those words because those are open-ended questions that gets her to talk more about her day. How was your day today? What was it like in that meeting?

14:06 How was the drive home? How was that new babysitter that we had coming over? How do you feel about her, right? Now, this is the easiest part, but bro, this is the most effective. I do not want you to underestimate how powerful what I'm about to teach you is, okay? It's called mirroring, and I've also heard it called parroting, okay? So let's say she's talking about her day, and she just got out of a meeting with her boss. She's like, yeah, I just got out of a meeting with my boss.

14:35 He was really angry with me. Then you say, angry with you? She's like, yeah, you know, he thought that I was supposed to be there at 7, but I could have sworn I told him I was going to be there at 8, and he yelled at me, and I felt really, really sad, and I just, you know, I thought I had a good relationship with him, but it's not working out the way I thought, and I really don't like my new boss. I think that he has it out for me.

15:00 Has it out for you? Yeah, just because, and then she's going to go on and on. So you see what I'm doing there? I'm just repeating back the last two to three words she says. Now, this is so elementary. It seems so basic, but dude, it is so effective. So what you do is you repeat it back with a question mark behind it, and if you were to do this over text, and I would do this too to girls over text, you just repeat the three words and put a question mark, send it.

15:27 She sends back some tirade. Choose some sentence in there. Last three words, question mark. They love this because it feels like you're genuinely interested in getting to know more about what the problem is. So they feel listened to, right? And that's what we got to do. We got to make them feel listened to. Now, here's another really powerful strategy is paraphrasing back to them what they said. Okay, and a one way, good way to do that is to say, it seems like, it sounds like, or it looks like.

15:58 Okay, so if she's complaining about her boss, how she was mistreated by him, you could be like, you know, it seems really hard to work for him because it sounds like he doesn't really appreciate you. And she's like, yeah, he doesn't appreciate me. I do all this work and da, da, da, da, da. And then she's going to go on and on and she's going to feel truly understood by you. Now, that's the whole point is she wants to feel understood by you guys. This is a huge reason that chicks divorce guys.

16:28 This is a huge reason men come home and there's a divorce letter on the freaking table is because simply they don't feel like they're understood by their man. They feel like he's always trying to solve their problems. He's not listening to her. And listening in this way is so ridiculously effective, it will literally make girls fall in love with you. All right, so here are some other good questions you can ask women probably on the first date and thereafter. What was the best of your life and what happened?

17:01 So you'd be like, well, what was the best of your life and what happened? Okay, she's going to go on about it. Then you mirror back. She's like, yeah, I was at the beach. This one day, it was in Newport Beach and all my friends were there and we had a stereo on the beach and we were playing Green Day. Green Day? Yeah, remember that album? So she's going to go on and on. Okay. Another good question is, what do you love about XYZ? This is something I typically ask women when they tell me about their job.

17:29 So if she's a nurse, what do you love about being a nurse? And then she'll go on about it. Why did you want to become a nurse? So that's a why question. And women love why questions. So once again, take the knowledge of a reporter and you ask the who, what, where, when, why, and how, I think is it. And do not underestimate the value of silence. When you put a mirror out there, okay, she's like, I went to the beach with my friends. The beach?

18:00 You're going to feel like a dumbass and you're going to feel like she's going to call you out. Like, don't patronize me. But I'm telling you, I've done this like 20,000 times. It's never once blown up in my face. So use this, but be okay with silence. Because silence means that you're creating space for her to talk. And as I talked about in my other episode, how to be a great communicator, you don't need to solve her problems. You don't need to think about anything. In fact, the less you think about, the better.

18:27 You're just sitting there in the present moment, listening to her, paraphrasing back to her what she said, and you're going to come out looking like a superhero. And I'm telling you, she is going to get really attracted to you when you do this. If you can calibrate the attraction building stuff, then just mix this in at those exact ratios that I told you, it's over. Like, she's going to be like, what are we? You know, like, I want to be your girlfriend. What are we? Okay, so, you also have to show some vulnerability on your side.

18:59 You also have to explain your own hopes and dreams and there's ways to do that. So, one of the big things I like to do is tell stories. One of the stories I tell is how I had my panic attack in Japan when I was on stage translating. I also like to tell the story of my dad dying and what that did to motivate me. My dad died when I was 10 and at that time, I was trying to play football and he said, hey, you can't quit football.

19:27 Like, I'm paying a lot of money for all this gear. I don't want you to quit football. Well, I hated football, man. Terrified me. I was so scared. So, at the end of the season, I said, hey, dad, I'm sorry. I want to quit and he was really disappointed in me and then that summer, I started playing soccer and I said, dad, I want to play soccer and he's like, you're just going to quit. You're just going to quit the way you did football and then he died.

19:48 So, I got super obsessed with soccer. I mean, this obsession was like way over the top, right? I love soccer this. I love soccer that and I didn't give up soccer until high school because I was on the high school soccer team and it was just way too competitive and serious. I didn't enjoy it but that's a little bit of a story that shows vulnerability, right? She shows like, whoa, this is a real guy who has the courage to open up to me and talk to me about his vulnerabilities which is extremely sexy to women.

20:17 So, if she asks you a similar question, one of those who, what, where, why, when questions, you want to answer it in what's called the movie screen technique. So, rather than just giving her a curse reply like, oh, that was good, you want to actually explain what happened during your day like, oh, I went in and my boss was talking to me and he congratulated me for this awesome copy that I wrote and I was super fired up and then me and Peter, we went and we got some Arby's and it was hella fun and yeah, it was just a really good day and if you can kind of explain things from an emotional standpoint, she's going to feel really connected to that and feel like she's getting to know you.

20:54 So many guys lose women is because we just like do very quick replies. Oh, that's fine. Yeah, it was good. But she wants to open up to you. She wants you to open up to her and get that connection and trust and bonding and then the sex is going to be on when you're going to do that, all right? And that's what I know you guys want. Like literally, they have stories of dudes who just deploy these techniques on their wives and then suddenly they're getting laid from like once every three months to once every three days because it really turns women on.

21:27 They want to feel connected to you. Remember, they're evolutionarily programmed to get connected to others. All right, guys. So that sums up how to deploy the TNC technique. Do not underestimate how important this is. I know it's kind of effeminate. I know it may seem kind of cheesy and gayish to you. But hey, if you're having problems with women, this is going to really help you. You know, this is going to really take you to the next level. And girls want that combination. They want that bad boy who understands them.

21:58 That guy who has an edge to him but who can also listen to her and sweep her off her feet and then fuck the shit out of her. Like that's the sexiest thing ever. Right? And you want to be that guy. You don't want to be just one dimensional. Just like I'm epic at flirting with chicks at the club. No, no, no. You want to have all those dimensions, all the facets of that diamond that makes you that special diamond in her life. Right? That was pretty good, man.

22:26 I like that analogy. So don't underestimate this, guys. Deploy it. If you have any questions, feel free to hit me up. And by the way, if you do give me a review, which a lot of you guys are doing, I do appreciate it. I'm getting tons of reviews. Hit me up, coachmarksingh at gmail.com. I'll send you a bunch of courses, Conversation Sniper, Guide to the Female Orgasm, a couple videos, send you my social security number, my credit card number, send you a key to my house, and then a hunting trip with me with a signed bow and a smack on the ass from your good old uncle, Mark Singh.

22:56 All right. Thank you so much for listening. I do appreciate it and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.