5 Things That Make People NOT LIKE YOU

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, money, women, and being a fucking man without making any apologies for it. I'm your host, Mark Sing. And I'm John Anthony. And today we are going to talk about the things you do that make people not like you. Why aren't you liked, man? I think you're a pretty likable guy. I don't understand why people are liking you, but here are five, roughly five. We always say five in the ClickBank, but sometimes it's seven, sometimes it's 10.

0:32 Probably it's turned out to be about 10 or 15, but here are five very obvious ones. Now, the most pertinent one I can think of for why I don't like most people that I speak to is simply the energy that they bring to the conversation, okay? So we always say in our podcast that states are contagious. And what that means is that the state that you're in, other people who you approach are going to be affected by that state. So if you're in a good state and you approach somebody in that good state, they're going to be brought to a better state.

1:04 If you're in a bad state, when you go approach them, their state is going to be dropped down. So what you want to do specifically when you approach women is you want to be in a good state. How do you do that? You do that by singing in your car before you go to the clubs. You do that by opening as many people as you can throughout the day. And you get yourself kind of fired up, maybe put yourself in a good mood by listening to music that you really like.

1:28 Or sometimes all the unapologetic man podcast. You can listen to our podcast. That might put you in a good mood, huh? Look at these guys. These are some friendly dudes right here. So when you have good energy and you bring that to a woman, you'll notice that she's going to open up a lot easier. And many people aren't liked because they bring the group's energy down. They're like, they're down on their luck, their poor me attitude. They're like, hey guys, how you doing? And it's like, dude, get away from me, bro.

1:56 Like people like optimistic people. People like people with good energy. That's why people who smile all the time are liked. By the way, when you smile, it actually releases serotonin in the other person's brain. So you know how when you imagine somebody who smiles all the time, maybe a co-worker or a family member, you're like, yeah, dude, I just kind of like that guy. Because smiling literally makes you feel better. So when you approach a woman for the first time, just have a nice smile on your face.

2:26 Not a shit-eating grin like, hey, how you doing? I'm Mark. No, but like, hey, how you doing? How you doing today? You know, just a nice smile. That really makes people open up a lot easier. You have a good energy. You want to bring her state up. You don't want to bring it down. And really, the state of your inner energy field is gigantic for getting people to like you. And oftentimes, people who aren't liked, they don't know how to put themselves in state. Yeah. No, that's huge.

2:56 I mean, the underlying state is everything. So I was walking out of the gym today in the locker room, and I heard this one guy talking. And like the second that he started talking, I was just like, oh, like, please, like, I don't get away from me. And, you know, everything he was talking about was just how like the rich are like evil and like, you know, how do they like, why are they making so much money? Just like so negative and like down. And I just couldn't.

3:21 I thought to myself, like, what a fucking loser. Like he's making excuses to not make money himself. But it all came from, you know, I heard him talking and I just immediately got this like gut feeling. I was like, oh, like, stay away from that person. He's he's a loser. He's contagious. Like, he's just he's not good. And, you know, when you talk to people, you want to bring them up. You want to talk about things that are good. And that doesn't mean that you have to be sort of like naively optimistic because there are bad things that happen that you need to discuss them sometimes.

3:48 But in general, you know, always bring something to the conversation. And that's the underlying mindset is you want to help people. You want to add value. We say that phrase all the time. Add value, add value, add value, add value by smiling, add value by, you know, being a good listener to people, add value by contributing important things to the conversation, even if it's your vibe, you know. So like Mark said, it all comes down to your vibe. And, you know, you're not always going to have the best vibe, maybe something bad happened, whatever.

4:14 But look at the kind of common pattern and the common theme throughout your life. And you'll notice that your vibe usually has a certain energy to it. You're certainly a certain type of, you know, underlying emotion, underlying feeling. And that's why, you know, NLP and meditation and all these different things are so important because they get rid of that and help you process the underlying negative emotions that are holding you back. So a lot of it is, you know, learning to fill your own cup and learning to design your own life where you're happy, where you can, you know, you're in abundance.

4:42 You can bring that happiness to other people. You'll notice when, I notice when I'm in the club and John, tell me if you relate to this. Like, dude, if I'm feeling, if I'm feeling good, I have such a better night. Like girls will open me, fucking sets blow open. And then when I'm feeling bad, it's almost like you literally become ugly in the eyes of women. Like you just had a bad day before you get to the bar, whatever, you get some bad news, you know, your dog died, whatever it is.

5:06 And you're just kind of in a slump or you're tired. I noticed when I don't sleep well the night before that I go out to a bar and obviously I don't do drugs. So it has to be completely from within. Um, when I'm tired, I don't do nearly as good and it takes so much more energy just to get myself into that state. But when I am in state, when I'm in a good mood, um, the sets, the sets blow open and girls will approach me.

5:30 I'll get checked out way more. Like literally my fricking face looks the same. My body looks the same, but, but depending on my energy level, I'll get checked out literally probably three times as much if I'm in a good state than if I'm in a bad state. And sometimes when I'm in a bad state, like literally it's almost like you don't get noticed by anybody. Yeah. You're just invisible. So, or they, they unconsciously do notice you, but they just like don't want you in the reality.

5:56 So yeah, I mean your, your state literally creates your external reality. Like when you go out, even with drugs, like if you haven't had enough sleep, you're not this or that. Like you're not going to be as charismatic. You're not, your night isn't going to go as well as if you got it, you know, you got a good sleep. You have your shit handled. You're happy. You had a good day. Um, so that's, that's the biggest thing guys is literally just designing your life so that you're fucking happy.

6:16 Yeah. And so what, what's the takeaway from this? Basically, if you go and speak to anybody, not only girls, but your boss, your coworkers, anybody, and you bring the vibe down in the social interaction. You will not be liked. You will not be liked. And so that's key. Number one is bring the good energy. Don't bring the bad energy. And even if you have to like make yourself do it, well, the good thing is, is that you can get energetic momentum and that comes with getting warmed up.

6:45 Right. Initially, many times when I go into the bar, I will feel like that. I will feel tired and unmotivated and not really wanting to deal with people. And like even thinking native thoughts, like fucking these 21 year old girls, man, do I really need to go talk to them again tonight? But then when you just make yourself do it, you make yourself get warmed up, then things start flowing. And then it's like, these little girls are so cute, man. They got such cute feminine energy. You know, you shift, you shift the way you think about things.

7:12 So it's amazing. It's amazing how that works, too, because you will start to realize once you get good at changing states, guys, your state influences so much more than you think, because not only does it influence your own internal reality, the thoughts you have, you know, whatever it is, it influences other people around you, you know. So it's why, like, for example, when I've been working for 12 hours, you know, and most guys don't understand, quote unquote, work. They think work is like doing 20 minutes of work and then browsing Instagram or Facebook for 10 minutes and then another 20 minutes of work.

7:41 When I do work, like for 12 hours straight, and then I come out of my house for the first time and I see girls, my state is like, like, I'm not in the social mode, right? So it's like hard to transfer states. But when I am, it's like sets just blow open. People are so nice. They're checking you out. They're smiling. Like, it all comes down to your inner state. And so that's why, you know, everything that we preach and talk about is getting your own inner state handled.

8:05 Okay, so that's the first one energetically, right? The second one, and I'm just, dude, if you have ones to add on to this, I'm just throwing them out there. The second one, I would say, is basically your ego, right? So using other people to try to make yourself feel better about yourself. And people who are in a low evolution as far as their consciousness will really try to stroke their egos on others. So what are some of the things that people do to do this? Oftentimes, one up, which means if you say, if you say, oh, I lived, you know, I lived in Europe for three years, instead of me saying, oh, dude, that's super cool, bro.

8:41 Like, where did you live? Oh, I lived in Italy. Man, that's amazing. Did you learn the language? Yeah, I did. I would say, oh, that's cool, dude. Yeah, I lived in Japan for four years. I mean, three years is pretty good. But, you know, personally, it took me four years to learn the language. So what people do is they'll actually, like, use you to boost their own ego. And this is big time, you know, this is really common with guys in their 20s. And I think most people evolve past it with age and maturity.

9:08 But if you're one of these guys who is always trying to really prove yourself to others by pumping your ego with them around and trying to explain yourself, prove yourself, then oftentimes you're not going to be liked. And there's this guy, I used to be really into, like, street bike racing. I used to have a street bike and we used to go racing. And there was this guy, just nobody liked him. And at the time, I was into this stuff and I was coaching and stuff.

9:36 But it's like, I don't really want to give free coaching to somebody who doesn't want it, you know. But he was so freaking arrogant, like, so arrogant, right? And I could tell, I would look at him and I'd be like, this guy just wants to be liked. And he's going about it in the wrong way. He's bragging. He's, he even said, like, I know I talk like I'm a god sometimes, but, you know, I think you guys are great too. And I was just like, bro, fuck it.

9:59 Yeah. You know, and... So narcissism. Yeah. It's like the underlying cause. That's, that's like, it's like when, like, when you brag, when you always try to one-up people, when you're like doing all these different things like that, it's, it's just annoying. Cause it's like, you know, it's not, it's not a competition a lot of the time. It's just about having fun and then like recognizing what people are doing and, and relating to it, you know? So if you're that guy who's like, it's funny cause you know, I actually just dealt with a narcissistic person this weekend.

10:26 So this is like all the signs that you're saying, Mark, that's, that's literally what they were doing. You know, it was just like always, you know, this and that, all these different things. So yeah, I mean, it's, it's just, uh, that's a great way to make people not like you, you know, if you, if you never like just, if you're always trying to one-up them. Cause you think you're, you, you want to be liked. And that's the interesting thing is that ego hides insecurity. Okay. So what's the difference between ego or arrogance and self-esteem?

10:53 Well, ego and arrogance needs to prove itself. It needs to explain itself. It needs people to recognize what it is. Self-esteem doesn't require that. It knows it's good and it doesn't need other people to validate that it's good. Right? So the ego needs the trophy on the shelf. The ego needs to show people how many girls it's getting. And, and when you do that, when you try to like, when you try to squeeze in all your successes to prove yourself to others, it's an extreme turnoff.

11:21 And especially to women, if you try to impress women, they know immediately and it turns them off. You should try to not impress women. So if they, if they give you a qualification, you know, what, what's the greatest thing about you? Cause I always qualify girls, right? Like, what would your best friend say is the best thing about you? Oh, I'm loyal. And then she'll say, what, what would your best friend say is the best thing about you? And I'd be like, well, I have like really stinky feet.

11:46 And he's saying I should go for the Colorado national championship of stinky feet. So proud of it. Or I always say this. I always say, well, I mastered night hearing like three years ago. I finally got it. Now I can hear at night. It's amazing. Right. So, and that, and that goes into humility. Why are humble people so likable? It's because, you know, they're secure in themselves. They often twist the conversational spotlight onto you. It's called the, it's called the rotating spotlight. So they'll, you'll like compliment a humble person.

12:16 And they'll be like, nah, man, like, um, actually this guy over here is the real champion. Like Chris, Chris Hemsworth, the guy who plays Thor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know exactly. He always talks this like cast up. It's like all about them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's really humble because he can, he can be humble. He's at the top of his game. He's good looking. He's rich. He's ripped like all these great things about him. So he doesn't have anything to prove. Right. So he's always talking up, like John said, his castmates, he's talking up other people.

12:42 It's swinging the spotlight off of you onto other people. And what's ironic is when you let go of the validation that you're unconsciously seeking by being arrogant, you will get that validation by being humble. A thousand percent. Because when you're humble, you know, you, uh, thumbs up when you're humble. Dude, I used to, let me show this real quick. This is, I used to do this in Japan and the little kids loved it. I would go. Like that, like flip my hand and they go like that.

13:12 And they loved it. And they would always go, Mark sensei. I was Mark sensei. Mark sensei. That's awesome. Senpai sensei. Yeah. Um, yeah. Like when you're, when you're just humble and you, and you talk other people up that actually conversely, like weirdly paradoxically, it makes you seem even better because people just like, they recognize, Oh, like he doesn't have anything to prove, you know? So that's why you always disqualify yourself to a girl, right? Like they always ask, you know, what do you do, right? What do you do?

13:44 And I just always try to avoid it. First of all, cause I don't like talking about work. Cause I do like a hundred different things from coaching to eBooks to this, not trading. Um, but secondly, because I just like, I don't, I think it's funny. Like I'll be like, Oh yeah, I work at McDonald's. Right. And so it's clearly, it's like, I actually, you know, obviously do not work at McDonald's, but then that, you know, they get curious over it. And so, you know, when you just like talk other people up, uh, that's literally the best way to actually get the things you're seeking for.

14:11 And that's, that's what's so paradoxical is when you're so obsessed with them that you're just willing to like, you know, you, you, you, when you need it, when you feel like you need it, you're not going to get it. Yeah. But if you kind of don't care, but you sort of just want it, but it's like not a big deal. You're going to get it tenfold. So what do they say when you say you work at McDonald's? Uh, they'll, they'll like, they'll just like, usually they don't know what to say.

14:34 Cause they're like, that can't be true. They're there. They look confused or they're like laugh or something like that. And I'll just be like, no, I'm serious. Like, you know, something like that. Um, I, you know, I'll, I'll say all kinds of dumb shit or, you know, sometimes if they, uh, it seems like they really do want to know then, you know, cause you can only pull that off for so long before they keep asking. I'll say like, Oh yeah, just do consulting and just keep it vague.

14:53 Um, you know, but a lot of the time that's, that's what it is, is, you know, it's just disqualify, you know, they'll ask this or that, or how much do you make or whatever? Just say, Oh, you know, enough to live comfortably. Just like, just don't, don't, you know, don't fall into the trap of, uh, of qualifying. And once you do that and you just disqualify and you make jokes about yourself and you just don't care, uh, that's, that's the best place to be because you're happy.

15:13 You're not seeking people's approval, but you'll get it too. So yeah. When people, when women ask me what I do and I teach this to my students, I do a three step process. First of all, I make a joke. Uh, lately I say that I'm a dolphin trafficker. I traffic dolphins from Colorado to Arizona. And I actually stole that from one of my clients who, who said, that's what he said. And I was like, dude, that's, that's good, man. I'm stealing that. That's pretty smart. It's really good.

15:37 I used to say, uh, well, I've said, and I do sometimes say I'm an ass model. I'm an ice cream man. Um, I changed the urinal biscuits out at the high schools. That's my main job. So something really self-deprecating and funny. And then after that, I will tell them the truth. I'll say, well, I'm an NLP coach. And they say, well, what's NLP? And I say, it's neuro-linguistic programming. And then after that, I'll tell the story of why I became an NLP coach. So this is typically what I do with my students.

16:05 As I tell them, first say something very self-deprecating and funny that can't be true. I work at McDonald's. I, I'm just exclusive to the, uh, shake machine. Cause I make like the best shakes in all of Virginia, you know, something like that. Ha ha ha. Then you say, no, like actually, you know, I'm a, I'm a dating coach. Have you ever seen the movie Hitch? And she'll be like, yeah, really? You do that? Yeah. I get on calls with my clients and I help them out.

16:26 But specifically I use NLP. It's called neuro-linguistic programming. And then I'll tell them the story of how I was living in Japan and I had panic attacks and how things like meditation and neuro-linguistic programming literally saved my life. That's why now I'm a, I'm a coach in that respect. So that's a quick, uh, side note on how to explain what you do to a woman. But as John said, if you're a lawyer or a doctor or you have some kick-ass job and you try to work that into the conversation within the first three minutes, then it's going to make you look bad because that's a high value kind of thing.

17:01 If you have a Ferrari and you're rocking into the clubs with a Ferrari hat on, it just makes you look bad, dude. Cause it's obvious you're trying to prove yourself to women. But instead, if you have a high value job and you say to yourself and you say to her that you're an ice cream man or you work at McDonald's as the French fry expert and French, I'm a French fry consultant. I go from Burger King to McDonald's to all these different places and I can sell it on the French fries.

17:26 Cause you know, I love French fries. You can say that. Maybe I'll say that when I go out tomorrow night. I'm going to steal that actually. I like that. Cause I usually do McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah. Usually, usually they just, I say that and I kind of just look at them like knowing that it's obviously a lie and they just kind of like, look at me and they're like, they're like kind of like laugh and flirt a little bit. They're like, what? Like, no, you don't. And I just get in closer and I just like double down.

17:45 Uh, it depends on the mood and honestly everything else. So it's a lot of context, but yeah, I mean literally just, you know, disqualify, disqualify yourself, you know? Yeah. Chris Hemsworth is worth is a great example. Like he's always talking up his cast, like all that different stuff. Jocko too. You ever listen to Jocko podcast? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's a great guy. He's so humble, dude. He's so, this guy is an amazing individual. I mean, even Joe Rogan's pretty humble. Um, so these, these are good things to emulate because these are highly likable, successful people and they're very humble.

18:15 Um, I have issues with humility. I have to work on it. And, um, that's something that I've been, I've been trying to get better at, but you know, when you can be humble, especially in front of a woman and just knowing that you're enough because sometimes you want to like, Oh, I want her to know. Yeah. That, that, that I do this awesome thing. Or I used to be, I used to be like really wanting girls to know that I spoke Japanese and I say spoke cause I've forgotten it all since then.

18:41 But I used to like try to work that in. And when you try to work that into a conversation, women can pick up on it, man. They know immediately when you're trying to impress them and it turns them off. It's a very, very, very big turnoff, but it should be representing your body language, right? A guy like you, who's listening to this podcast, you should just be confident. And if she says, what do you do for a living? And you happen to be a lawyer or a doctor or some other kick-ass job.

19:04 And you say, I'm an ice cream man, you know, uh, my specialty is slanging that, that mint chocolate chip and I'm driving by here tomorrow. If you want to, if you want to get some mint chocolate chip, you better be here. And she's going to laugh and know like, wow, you know, he he's, he's really humble. And then if you say, actually, you know, I'm a doctor, but you probably shouldn't hang out with me because I like have like so much school debt. Right. And if you become my girlfriend, I'm going to make you pay for that debt.

19:28 You better run away right now. You don't want to pay the debt. So then I have big, uh, a lot of, you know, stuff with my ego as well that I need to work through. But what do you do when, um, when you disqualify and she's almost like her game is so good that she, she, she's not affected by the disqualify. Cause when you disqualify, most girls like start chasing you. They're like, what? That's not true. And there's no way that, uh, but what if she's like, oh, and she just like, doesn't like a hot girl blase.

19:52 Like, what do you personally do with that? Just blow past it. Like if you say I'm adult, like I'm a, I work at McDonald's. She's like, oh, okay. You can't, you can't like go back because then that's neediness. Right. Yeah. You got to blow past it. So what's your name? Like just keep conversing basically. Yeah. Just blow past it. And, and remember guys, the truth will reveal itself in due time. The truth always reveals itself. So if you do have a kick-ass job and you say initially I work at McDonald's and then freaking 20 minutes later, an hour later, a week later, it's revealed that you're a fucking high powered blog owner.

20:26 who's a consultant and a dating coach, it just makes you look like 3000 times better than if you said it initially. So, so yeah, man, if, and they do that, right. They will be like, uh, that's like, or I'll be it. They expect guys to qualify to them. So they want you to do it. They'll be like, well, what do you do? And you'd be like, oh, and you don't want to know. And she'd be like, okay. And you're like, fuck, I was hoping she chased me on that one.

20:50 Damn it. And then you just, you just got to pretend you're unaffected, move on and know that the truth will reveal itself in due time. Yeah. Yeah. I like that approach. Yeah. So, um, let's see, we did that one, one up the one upping people, ego shit, and then the, uh, the negative vibe. What are some other things like, uh, well, I texted you. So let me see. Cause I've forgotten. Oh, send me. Remember? Uh, ego, low energy, value sucking. Oh yeah. Not giving anything and just taking basically.

21:19 Yeah. So most guys go up to a woman and most guys go into interactions with people trying to get something from them specifically with women. So if you're not being liked by women, it's usually because it's very obvious. You're trying to get into their underwear. You're trying to get something from them. So what I was telling my students is be a go giver, go up and give value, give funny stories, give a good conversation and don't try to suck value from them. So, and this, this is, this is, sorry to interrupt.

21:46 This is super important. What you're saying, Mark, because guys listening to this podcast, they think like, oh, it's the unapologetic man podcast. Like, shouldn't you be unapologetic? What's wrong with wanting to fuck her? Right. And there's nothing wrong with it, but when you feel like you need it and that's your only focus and it's your sole goal, that's the issue. So like Mark is saying, like, it's okay to want, like, obviously we're all attracted to pretty girls, but like, don't feel like you need it. And that's the only fucking thing that will give you happiness in your entire life.

22:12 Yeah. So, yeah. It's like you, you want it, but you can drop it. You can drop it like that. Right. Yeah. It's almost like, it's almost like you're listening to this podcast. You want to listen to it, but dude, you could turn it off and go do something else. It wouldn't be the end of the world. You're not like needily watching this. You're watching this. Cause you have the choice. You could turn it off. It's up to you. So with a woman, if you go in and dude, this happens a lot of times with my clients, they'll get, they'll get rejected when they try to physically escalate.

22:40 And why is that? It's because they're telegraphing neediness. They're telegraphing. I want what's in your panties so obviously. And so when you could let that go and be like, ah, whatever happens, happens literally like, like gaming yourself in your own mind and saying, if this goes well, that's fine. If it doesn't, that's fine too. There's 10 other chicks coming. It's not a big deal. Then it's more likely to happen. I would not have issues with, with getting rejected on physical escalations. The reason is, is because I mentally prepared myself to accept less than what she prepared herself to accept as far as physicality is concerned.

23:19 So I was completely prepared to maybe make out with her a little bit and then be like, Hey, that's it. That's enough for me tonight. You better get going. And she's like, Oh, I at least wanted to like have him suck my tits or at least wanted to like go down on each other. Right. That's like going on in her mind, but I would always be like totally not outcome dependent. And so when I would physically escalate, literally, I cannot remember a time, maybe in my younger days, there were a few times, but, but recently and up to like 15 years ago, I cannot remember a time getting rejected with a physical escalation.

23:53 Yeah. Because you wait until she actually wants it. Exactly. And she, which is like the biggest mistake that guys make. So there's a, there's this old saying where, uh, newbies are just oblivious to a girl's state. Uh, that's all, that's all they care about. Right. Is it's just, you know, newbies don't know what girls are feeling, what their state is in intermediate guys are focused on their own state and not the girl's state. They're focused on pumping their own state, getting a good mood, but experts are more concerned with the girl's state than their own state.

24:21 And again, the reason why is because, you know, if she isn't ready for the escalation, it doesn't matter how much you try to pump your own state and fucking convince her it's not going to happen. But if she's ready, if her buying temperature is high, then, you know, you could probably get away with, you know, making out, but you just, you know, lightly touch her or get in closer. Right. It's like, she's like, she's so ready that even, you know, it's, there's this great threshold and you're only scratching the surface.

24:46 And so it's just like so effortless. Right. So, um, yeah, like focusing on the girl's state is like the biggest thing that you can do if you're trying to progress in this game. I always say that the woman's state should be your barometer for your escalations and the escalations are going to happen via attraction. They're not going to happen on the rational level of you trying to convince her like, yeah, but we've been on four dates. You know, I really think you should let me kiss you now.

25:09 Right. I have the Lamborghini. Take, take my fucking ego validation. Yeah, exactly. So it needs to be just ramp up attraction, attraction, attraction. And as far as physically escalating is concerned, which by the way, would be a good podcast topic. You should give her some and take it away and be like, Oh, that's, that's enough for now. You know, if you feel she has trepidation about moving forward, you stop it before she does. Yeah. That's a great tip. Change the topic. Hey, you want some water or something like that?

25:34 And then you start making out again and the boob comes out and like, Whoa, like we should, we should stop here, here, here, put on a shirt, you know, and then their shirt comes off 10 minutes later. So you stop it. It's like one step back, two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward like that. And that's, that's, that's really, that's so confusing to newbies too, because newbies like they think like, wait, what? Again, it's like these different levels. Like it's, it's going to hit you depending on the level that you're at.

25:58 And so for newbies, what they, what they need to hear is like, no, escalate more. You're too afraid to escalate. So you're not escalating enough, but at the more intermediate expert level, what you're saying is like the perfect fucking thing. And that works better than anything else, because not only do you show her that you have restraints, that she's safe around you, that she can trust you, but you show her that you also don't need it. And you're not, you don't like, you're not just going to try and plow through a thousand percent.

26:22 So she likes you more for it. Then she starts chasing you. Cause she's like, well, maybe he doesn't know that I want it. Maybe I need to be more direct with them. And so it's just like, it's this great thing. Like, and it ties into pacing and leading as well. And NLP, which obviously Mark coaches with, um, you know, it's just the idea that, you know, you go two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back. And with girls, you know, again, it's just like showing them that you can do that.

26:45 It's the most attractive thing in the world. Um, and, uh, the, the next thing too, I saw your text Mark was, uh, being sarcastic in the wrong way, which is, uh, you know, that's, that's really, really something that a lot of people have. And it's just like the biggest turnoff because it ties back to, you know, they're, uh, they're being negative. They're sucking from the group. They're just, it's just like this constant complaining. And, um, if you can learn to just be, again, like it sounds, you know, we're just, uh, beating it at a horse with this be positive thing, but it's like so much of it comes down to that.

27:15 Yeah. Um, and if you're being sarcastic in the wrong way, oh, you know, wow, just great, man. This fucking negative, like Eeyore shit. It's just not attractive. Right. And, and being sarcastic in the wrong way means that you're not, you're not giving away hints that you are being sarcastic with your voice and with your facial expressions. So I could be like this, right? Like, watch this, like John, you're such a jackass. Now that he could, he could be like, what is he being serious? And, and a lot of guys have an issue with this is they deadpan their delivery and it's not obvious to the woman that they're being sarcastic because the woman doesn't know you.

27:52 She doesn't know what your sarcasm is like. So oftentimes when I'm sarcastic with a woman, I'll give her a little wink or I'll give her a little smile. Like you're such a dumb, dumb, you know that? Or change my voice. Like I just did to tell her that I'm being sarcastic. There was an interview with somebody famous. I can't remember what it was, but she was answering, you know how they like have Twitter questions and then the star answers the question. She was trying to be sarcastic, but it was like very combative.

28:21 And it didn't, she didn't give away the fact that she was, she was being sarcastic. So they said, Hey, do you work out? And she's like, why would you ask me that? Of course I work out. What? Like you look at my body and you can't tell that I work out. God. And she throws the thing. Okay. That would have been funny if she clued in, if she clued in that she was being sarcastic because it really sounded like she was being really serious. So she's been like, what are you talking about?

28:47 Of course I work out. Can't you, I'm not going to show you my stomach right now because it's hanging over my belt, but come on now. Of course I work out. Yeah. Next question, please. Right. So there needs to be that, that fun, uh, cluing in that you're just fucking around. And a lot of people, a lot of the times I'll find, I don't like guys who are what I call socially unintelligent. They don't know how to, to interact properly. They don't know how to joke around properly.

29:13 And, and it's something that can be learned with experience. And this is one really important tip is that if you're being sarcastic, change your tone of voice, blink, smile, clue in the person that you're being sarcastic. Cause you can immediately be perceived as an asshole if you're sarcastic in the wrong way. John agrees with his eyebrow, his eyebrow raise. Yeah. Um, no. Yeah. And so there's, there's like, there's different types of sarcasm too, that I just kind of coined up in my head. Like there's positive and negative.

29:42 So, uh, you know, and again, it's all from the place it's coming from, right? Because if it's coming from the right place, sarcasm can be fucking funny. Um, you know, I used to have this friend who, he was like very, very negative and he'd be like very sarcastic and like a way that was just drawing people down. Right. And so it was like, you know, it's like raining out. He's like, wow, what a great day. Or like some, just, I can't even do it. Cause I like train myself to be positive, but he would just say it in such a way where it's like, uh, like you just get, get drowned out by it.

30:06 You know, uh, you just take you down. Um, and then another example of like positive sarcasm was this, the same friend actually, he knew I lift all the time. So he would give me shit about lifting. And he was like, he would just, you know, we're with our friends eating dinner or something. And he's like, Hey, Hey John, you're looking a little small today. You know, and I would just sarcastically be like, wow, thanks, Chris. I'm just going to go fucking kill myself now. Just like, you know what?

30:28 Everyone's like, ah, like, you know, cause, uh, he's just trying to like bring you down and you just make a joke about it in a sarcastic way that adds value. Right. And it's kind of hard for us to like do it right now, obviously, cause we're not in the situation, but it's the place it comes from. It's like, if you're making a joke about, you know, like we said, like a disqualifying joke about yourself, that's a great thing to be sarcastic over. Um, you know, so if you use sarcasm and these different tools in the right way, they're really, really powerful.

30:53 I remember you and I, we had a podcast where we were talking about, um, like being overweight and how you need to like dial in your diet. And then I said, you know, I, I don't, and then in that podcast as well, we were talking about how you need to cut out some negative people in your life if they're bringing you down and you laughed and you said, dude, like the whole time we're talking about this, I just keep thinking about how I'm going to go downstairs and get some pizza.

31:18 And then I said, dude, John, like, sorry, bro. I got to cut you out of my life, man. You're eating pizza, right? Yeah. So that's, that's like a sarcastic blow. And it's easy to hear this and say, oh yeah, of course, you know, I do this all the time and I do it fine, but really pay attention to yourself. And with women, especially strangers, especially, you can't just deadpan your delivery between friends. You can be sarcastic and just like not even make any facial expressions, be totally flat.

31:44 They get you very subtle. But with women, I'm telling you, you need to clue them in because girls will get buttered. Girls will get really buttered. Like I do this thing where I say, do you like to travel? She says, yes. And then I push her and I say, travel over there. Right. And, and I've had girls get really mad at me. So, which is ridiculous, but through experience, I've learned to be like travel over there and then wink at them after I finished pushing them.

32:08 And then I'll do another thing where I'll grab their belt loop and I'll be like, why are you so far away from me? Come here. And then I'll pull them in and I'll be like, dude, why are you in my personal space? You're really close right now. I'll push them. Like I do this push pull technique, but with women, especially men, you really need to really need to clue in that you are being sarcastic and on a, on a subtle side note, what's interesting about women is some women will react very positively to such techniques as push pull, teasing, being sarcastic, and other ones will get butthurt about it.

32:39 So my clients always ask me, well, what works? How do I get this girl? What works? And I'm like, listen, there's a bunch of fundamental principles that work with all women frame control, building sexual tension, being interesting, uh, creating value, you know, um, not being reactive, all these great things. But within that there's different techniques that work better than others with different girls. And it's almost like you have to beta test it. And what I'll do is I'll beta test real light things to see what works, cold reading, role playing, whatever it may be to see what works.

33:11 And then I'll double down on those things that work really well. So sometimes you can be perceived as not likable. And I've made this mistake in my past where I tried to double down on a technique that wasn't working for that particular girl, like being a lot of push, right? Being very sarcastic, being kind of a dick. Like, you're not going to stalk me, are you? Stalker, Texas Ranger? Settle down. And you're like, yeah, I'm just a fucking asshole. Yeah. You're like, I'm just kidding you.

33:38 Relax. And no, you're an asshole. So you need to need to be cognizant of other people's reaction. And I think that wasn't actually anything that I included in my text. But I think that's another really important point is watching the other people person's reaction and adjusting your approach accordingly. Right. If they're nodding and they're getting excited and they're into it the way John is into what I'm saying right now, nodding vigorously, then you continue talking on that point. But if they're just looking at you like, dude, what is this guy talking about?

34:09 Then of course, you're going to pivot away from that and try something else. So being likable is simply observing, being in the present moment, watching your reaction or excuse me, watching people's reaction to you when you speak to them and then leveraging and pivoting accordingly. Yeah, no, calibration. I mean, that's that's so fucking important. You know, it's like just being calibrated is the biggest way to make people like you. It's the biggest way to avoid confrontation. Just just understanding, you know, people give off cues. They give off cues with their tone of voice, with their facial expressions, their body language, learning to recognize those things and then realize, oh, you know, I'm getting a good response from this thing.

34:48 Let's talk more about this or I'm getting a bad response from that thing. Let's not talk about that. Yeah, that's that's, you know, learning that one skill set. That calibration, social calibration is basically like game in a nutshell, you know, and you can be too calibrated. You can be overly calibrated, but you can also be underly calibrated. Right. So people that are overly, I guess maybe not overly calibrated, but they're they're very calibrated and they react too much to this cues that they're reading. But the goal is to be highly calibrated, still be, you know, drawing state from within and in a good mood.

35:21 And then it's like it's like you're tell me if you've had this mark where like you literally feel like you're in a lucid dream, like you just walk up and it's like all of a sudden it's like you have so much instant charisma and rapport and and just like influence. And you're just like like it's like people are just kind of asleep and you're just like true, like going in like a fucking like a I don't say a puppet master because it sounds manipulative, but you're just like so much like power and like influence because, you know, you're just in state.

35:47 You see what people are feeling and you can act accordingly. Yeah. And that's again, that's a skill that has to be learned. Right. Like guys, they see socially charismatic people and they think, oh, he was just born that way or something. But you literally you go out and you learn to refine it. So that's why you need to go out and, you know, pay attention to it. Read some books on body language, things like that. So, yeah, it's learnable. On this note. OK, so as we said earlier, when you try to go and pump your ego up by using other people to pump your ego, that makes you unlikable.

36:17 But another thing is neglecting to take into account other people's egos. OK, so for example, let's say John is a marine biologist and I have a lot of a fact about marine biology, which is and I don't know if this is true. I think it is that the 70 percent of the world's oxygen is created by marine plants, not terrestrial plants. OK, so if I came up to John and I said, hey, man, did you know this? It makes me look like a douche because I'm not accounting for his ego because he's a marine biologist.

36:50 So what you should say is, dude, you probably already know this, but I find it so interesting that and then you say the fact. So it's really accommodating for the person's ego. I had a client who had an emergency call with me. He's trying to negotiate for this other job and he's trying to get somebody to be his consultant. Well, five years ago, he kind of had a bad ending with this guy who he wants to hire as a consultant. And what happened is, is the guy who he wants to hire as a consultant gave him some advice that he didn't take.

37:23 So what we did is we created a text that said, hey, man, first of all, just want to let you know that I should have taken your advice. Things went exactly as you said they would. And, you know, I was arrogant back then and I didn't take your advice. And I want to let you know that I appreciate what you said. And I appreciate you mentoring me like that. And then we said, that being said, I have a new situation that's come up where I would love to hire you as a consultant.

37:48 Of course, I'll make sure you're paid for your time and compensated. And please let me know if you'd be interested in that. I know you're the best guy in this realm to approach for this. So I would appreciate it if I could just do that with you. And the guy's reaction was awesome. Why? Because we catered to his ego. He gave advice to him. He didn't take it. He fucked up. So if my client had came to him and said, hey, man, can I hire you for some consulting?

38:14 He would have been like, hell no. Hell no. Like, you spurned my advice, right? But instead, you placate to their ego first, pump it up a little bit, and then go in. And this is really good to do with guys especially, like in AMOGs. You could say, hey, man, like, you're obviously completely jacked up and completely shredded. But I find it so interesting that SARMs can give you, you know, a 70% increase in your lifting potential, whatever it is. So you always accommodate for the person's ego.

38:45 Always. Yeah. And sometimes it's so accommodating to their ego, you know, not only makes them like you more, right? Not in like a suck-uppy way, but just like acknowledging what they're good at, what they're not good at. And, you know, I have this story too. So sometimes if you don't acknowledge other people's ego and then you try to push your ego out there, it'll just make you look like the dumbest motherfucker in all of existence, right? Like if you think of, you know, like in this example, right?

39:11 Someone's a marine biologist and, you know, some guy comes up like, you know, like you're stupid. You know, someone says some fact. He's like, actually like sea turtles do this and that. And the marine biologist is just there. Like I studied this for seven years. Like you're a fucking idiot. You know, so like, for example, I was with this dude one time and he was trying to brag to me about how many girls he slept with. And he was like, he was like, you know, we're talking about like, I was giving him advice on his last relationship or something.

39:35 And he was like, you know, trust me, I know these things. I've slept with 13 girls. And at that point I was like 75 deep or something. And I was just like, oh yeah, definitely must know these things. Like, so if you, if you try to like pump your ego up and brag, but you're in the presence of someone who is, has done those things that you're bragging about and they're even better. Yeah. That's one of the quickest ways to make yourself look like a complete dumb ass.

40:00 So always be aware of like what other people are good at and what you're not good at. And don't try to like brag about something you're not good at because you're just going to look so dumb. Well, dude, that's a, that's a general principle. Why not to brag? Because you don't know who's around you. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like you've been training, training MMA and jujitsu and Muay Thai for two years and you start bragging about it at a party, how you could kick anyone's ass. And little do you know that there's a professional fighter.

40:23 Yeah. He has a black belt and he's listening to you and he's like, oh really dude? So don't brag, don't brag, be humble. Right. And that's, that's something interesting that I've been learning from jujitsu is that you'll go into the class and you'll see these like skinny high school kids who you're like, I'll crush that guy. And then you roll with him and he chokes you out and you realize, wow, I am shit at this. I am a jackass. Muscles don't matter. Nothing matters. Like you don't know what kind of secret weapon these are walking around.

40:53 You don't know really how much a guy, how much game a guy has, although game does recognize game. Usually I can tell how good with women people are just based on speaking with them, but you don't know what these people have accomplished. I mean, when you go to a bar, there could be millionaires there. There could be, you know, Hollywood actors or professional baseball players and you don't know. So when you get all cocky and try to brag, it just makes you look like a jackass because you're in the company of accomplished men.

41:19 So yeah, be humble. Just don't brag. And, and, and when you do have a skill and you don't brag about it. And like I said, the truth always reveals itself in due time when it does reveal itself, it's going to look that much better, especially in front of women. So this is really, really important. Absolutely. And I mean, the biggest sex organ that a woman has is in between her ears. It's her brain. It's her imagination. So if that kind of thing happens where, you know, you, you just like, didn't talk about work or you made a self-deprecating joke, and then she finds out you're actually a millionaire, she's going to start thinking, holy shit, what else do I not know about this guy?

41:51 Right. And, and, and intrigue is like the biggest thing for girls. So yeah, just don't, don't brag, you know, and don't shy away from acknowledging the truth, but don't say it in a way that's, that's trying to brag or trying to like gain people's approval. So yeah, it's sometimes hard because like I said, sometimes you want to push that onto her, like all these great accomplishments that you've had. And there are certain ways to do that with storytelling, like even telling a self-deprecating story that in essence is really a high value story.

42:16 There are certain ways to do that, but I always tell my students, you know, the very best thing you can do is let that truth reveal itself in due time. And it's going to make her so much more attracted to you. You're going to be so much more likable and everything like that. So the last thing I have written here is, uh, being negative. And this goes back to, this goes back to what we originally said, which is to have a good energy when you are negative, some people will relate to it because some people are in a, you know, negative mindset.

42:46 But for the most part, people don't like negative people. Why? Because everybody is looking to be brought up, especially women. Women are always looking for state outside themselves. So if you're the Debbie Downer, negative guy, poor me attitude, can't catch a break. People are just going to want to get the hell away from you, except for other people who are frankly losers. And you don't want a girl who resonates with that kind of energy. So if you're having trouble being liked, maybe you should look at some of the conversational topics you talk about.

43:15 Do you complain about the weather? Do you complain about your job, your boss, whatever it may be? You should just like cut out complaining completely because what is complaining? Complaining is saying that you are a victim and complaining is saying that things should be your way and not the way they truly are. It's basically a very arrogant thing to complain. Yeah, it's narcissism. It's total narcissism. You know, you say, oh, people should be, dude, stop right there. People should be what people are. They shouldn't be more polite to you in the supermarket.

43:47 They shouldn't drive better. They shouldn't anything be. Why do I know that? Because they are doing what they're doing. Therefore, that's how they should be doing it. Yeah, it's acceptance. You get these like, particularly I seem to find it with older women. I seem to hear it a lot. Like today I was at the supermarket and it's like, they should really open up a new line, a checkout line. And it's like, she looked at me and I was just like, don't look at me. I don't want to talk to you.

44:13 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Negative energy, right? And it's like these people, they get into this negative spiral of just being negative. And it feels good in a way because that it's actually addicting to be negative. It's the way your brain is wired. You have synapses traveling down the same pathway every time and negativity, negativity. So it actually feels good because that pathway is used a lot. But when you change it to positivity, that gets used more. And then being negative feels completely wrong. Like if I were to say like, and this is true right now, it's like so cold.

44:45 I thought we were in May. It should be spring in Colorado here, but it's like snowing outside. Dude, you just want to be like, bro, like, please shut up. Stop, like harden the fuck up. Like stop being a little pussy. So if you are negative, man, you need to drop that shit. You need to take discipline. You need to take control of yourself and start just making yourself think positive thoughts. And literally your brain's wiring literally physically changes to where thinking positive thoughts becomes more natural for you.

45:14 And it feels a lot better than thinking the negative thoughts. Yeah. And it takes time too. I mean, I was really negative when I was a kid, victim complex, et cetera. But, you know, do just do things like a 30 day positivity challenge. Don't, you know, don't complain about anything. You know, do things like you can reframe, right? Every bad thing that happens is in some way a good thing. And you can focus on that. And so everyone who's saying like, oh, well, that's unrealistic. No, it's really not though.

45:40 You know, don't, don't like flat out ignore the potential consequences, but don't like harp on the negative things. Like there's a positive to everything. Even the worst things possible. There is something good that will come out of it. Even if it's just that you become stronger. So just always be positive, man. It's so important. Don't get me going, bro. This is like, I love this topic so much that basically the summit up is that there is no strength without struggle. And that's the positive thing. Anytime something goes wrong in my life, I'm like, okay, good.

46:09 I get, it's another hit on my sword. It's going to get that much sharper and that much harder so that when you do approach that girl and you've had that sword hit so many times, she sees it. She sees it. And other people see it. You know, you want to be uncommon among common men. The way to get there is through pain and suffering and struggle. So when something bad happens, look at it as a gift. Yeah, it sucks. You know, and it happens to all of us.

46:34 It's hard, but that's where the growth happens. So that's a positive viewpoint of negative situations. And that's what I believe about being positive. It's not like airy fairy. Ah, everything's fine. Everything's great. No, it's not always great. It's not always fine. It's fucked up sometimes. But if you could look at it as fuel for your growth, then that's a positive mindset. Do you remember the movie Happy Gilmore? No, I haven't seen it, I don't think. With Adam Sandler, right? Dude, you haven't seen Happy Gilmore? No, I've heard of it like a million times.

47:07 I've never seen it, though. Dude, you have to look at it. It's such a great movie, bro. You have to watch it. Oh, my, you'll love it. It's like one of my favorite movies. Happy Gilmore. So there's this, like, overtly positive. Basically, the story is he's a hockey player who learns to play golf. And he, like, just nails the ball and, like, has this 400-yard drive. It's a really good movie. So there's this one character in there. And when you watch it, you'll see him. He's like, remember, Happy, the Marigold round goes round and round.

47:35 All positive things, all good thoughts, be positive. And then Adam Sandler's like, psycho. Like, this guy's crazy. So, you know, we're not telling you to be one of these airy-fairy, overtly positive people. Like I said, shitty things happen. Life sucks sometimes. Yes, it does. But that makes you grow. So in that respect, it's positive. So when we say to have that good energy, when you have that growth mindset and you bring it to people, like, right now, dude, I'm feeling good. I'm all fired up. And, like, if I were to approach a girl right now, it would just be, like, boom, like that because I'm in state.

48:09 I just happen to be in state right now. And that's what you want to bring. That's what you want to bring to people. That's what you want to bring to women. That's what you want to bring to your podcast. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So. That's all I got, brother. Yeah. I'm pretty good, too. I like that point about the airy-fairiness, too, because you meet a lot of people sometimes. So I think that any ideology, you can take it way too far, right? So anything, you take it too far.

48:34 And I used to know these people who were in the social circle. And it was, like, you know, like the Eckhart Tolle. I love Eckhart Tolle. But for them, it was, like, you know, the presence, et cetera. And they, like, I would talk with them. And they're, like, oh, yeah, man. Like, you know, like, you know, be present. But then I would see some of them are, like, 28. And they're, like, working minimum wage shitty jobs and, like, don't have anything going for them. And I'm, like, oh, yeah, you know, be present.

48:57 But also have goals. You know, accomplish goals. So anything can be taken too far, guys. But you just got to learn to, like, look at the positive and take action. And those two things in conjunction will literally transform your life within, like, a year. So. Well said, my man. All right. So I offer NLP coaching. As we kind of spoke about, NLP is neurolinguistic programming. And if you're having sticking points with women, if you just can't seem to get things going, we can't work together. And through these processes, I can remove what are potentially some hindering meta programs in your brain that were created in the first seven years of life that are holding you back with women.

49:32 And my students are having absolutely phenomenal success, got so many success stories, so many case studies. Guys are just crushing it. And I'm so proud of them. It's really rewarding. You can find out more about that at coachmarksing.com, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G.com. And I am pretty booked up at this point. But I do – I might have a couple slots open. So hit me up. Go ahead and get your first session. And then we'll see if we can squeeze you in there. John? Cool. And I've got masculinedevelopment.com, hundreds of free articles that you can check out on health and fitness, on mindset, on not being negative, and not being a social leech.

50:11 I also sell a few products. Go to gettheperfectbody.com if you want to do my workout routine and get jacked. Go to get7strategies.com if you want to get my e-book on how to basically become the man that women want. And just lately, I launched my book, Elite Dating Secrets, on Amazon. I've gotten some great reviews. I had someone just send me an email today who's really thankful for the book. So check it out, guys. And with that in mind, we will see you guys next time.

50:36 Let's do that thing where we cover up the thing, like 3, 2, 1. Hold it over so I can actually press stop on the recording. 3, 2, 1.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.