5 Tips For Approaching a Girl in Public (Featuring the Calm 2 Calm Technique)

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP, and I want to kick off this episode by wishing you a Happy New Year's. That one I recorded on Monday, which was actually January 3rd, was recorded well before New Year's actually kicked off, so I wasn't able to say it in that episode, but I want to say it to you here, and I want to ask you, what are you doing to get better with women this year?

0:41 Is this going to be your year when you actually start attracting the kind of women that are up to your caliber, or are you going to continue just settling for girls who basically choose you? What would it be like, brother, to spend the rest of your life with a girl who's from the current pool of girls who you're dating? Does that thought make you happy? Does that put a glimmer in your eye, the pop in your giddy-up, and the twinkle to your smile? Well, if it doesn't, come join us.

1:05 And gentlemen, I have three massive announcements for this new year, 2023. Super fucking pumped about it, so I'll get through these real quick, and then we'll get to the five critical tips for approaching girls in public, featuring the calm-to-calm technique, which I'm excited to share with you guys. I've never talked about it on this episode, so the first thing, I just put up a new video on my website showing me coaching the boys. You get to hear some of the testimonials, guys who basically are graduating from the program and saying how awesome it is, some of the success that the guys are getting, so it's just really cool that my video editor, Liam, put together.

1:40 Liam, what is up, brother? Much love to you. He put this together. I thought it came out really well. It gives you some examples of what the coaching calls look like, the kinds of things we talk about, so check that out when you get a chance. It's on my website, CoachMarkSing.com. Click on coaching, and it's like a highlight reel of some of the things that guys have said. Like, dudes are like, dude, this changed my life. I changed more. In week six and seven than I ever have in my life, there's just a lot of really cool things that guys say, and you can tell that the dudes are really into it, and you kind of see how the coaching goes down.

2:11 The second thing I want to say is I just put up a boatload of new testimonials. I just counted them one by one by one. I have 168 testimonials on my website now. The first page has 50 on them, and if you scroll to the bottom of those, click on Read Even More Testimonials, and then there's like 113 or 118 on the next page. I literally counted them all up, so read those, man. They're a testament to what I do in my three-month coaching program. Now, the biggest announcement of all.

2:42 So the wait time to meet with me on that one-on-one breakthrough session where we discuss whether or not you're a good fit for my coaching program was out to 11 weeks at one point, 11 weeks, so almost three months. It was just ridiculous. I'm getting too popular. This podcast is getting too big. My coaching program is just too damn successful, so I had all these guys applying, and like who wants to wait several months to meet with the dude? They just want to get in the program. So being it that this brand is going so big, being it that my three-month coaching program is so damn effective, I had to hire a little bit of help.

3:15 Now, I just didn't want to hire some schlep who was a sales guy. I wanted to hire somebody who, A of all, went through the program himself. B of all was a complete zero with women. C of all became a fucking 10 with women, is now currently pulling 10s, and I make the motherfucker prove it to me because I go out with this guy myself, and he is pulling those bonafide 10s. And fourth of all, really wants to help you guys and is certified in NLP. So I hired my good friend and wingman.

3:44 His name is Victor Lynch. He went through the program in 2021. The guy started as an absolute zero, couldn't get laid if he was in a Tijuana brothel with $100 bills strapped to his penis and was so horny he'd fuck a snake if he could hold it straight. Now he's pulling 10s. The guy is an absolute champion. He's a good friend of mine now. He's actually my wingman. He's one of my favorite wingmen. And he's going to meet with you on a free one-on-one breakthrough session to see if you too are a good fit for my program, but more importantly, if this program is a good fit for you.

4:14 And what I like more about this is that he's actually been through the experience. He's been in your shoes. He applied to the coaching. He went through it in the three months, and it absolutely changed his life. And he's a testament to what's possible with it. So you get to pick the brain of a dude who's actually been there, and you're going to get a full NLP experience. I told him, I want him giving you a value-packed experience with him, where you walk away with a myriad of aha moments.

4:40 You walk away with, frankly, a lot of healing. And you walk away knowing whether or not we can help you. And if we can, he'll invite you to the program. And if you're wondering, well, do I get access to Mark? Of course you do, bro. Is there a mustache in Mexico? I get really close to my clients. Most of them become really close friends. And that's why I need to remove myself from doing these one-on-one sessions is so I can focus on my clients and put my time completely into them.

5:03 So if you want to meet with Victor on a free one-on-one breakthrough session, just click the link in the description below. Sign up. He has openings right now. He's getting a little busy because every guy I've told this to has said, yeah, man, let's fucking do it. Have signed up. And I've already received over a half a dozen emails thanking me for that experience because rather than just spending 20, 30 minutes with me, you get to spend an hour with him and see if this program is really a right fit for you.

5:28 So please sign up today. Meet with Victor. Come join us. Then you and I are going to become good friends. And brother, I am going to turn you into a fucking girl magnet. You're going to be able to do exactly what I'm going to explain to you here in this episode. All right, gentlemen. So five tips for approaching a girl in public. The first tip, and I talk about this all the time, is to get warmed up. Okay. Anytime I walk into a venue and I see a hot girl, I'm not approaching her right off the bat unless I'm already warmed up.

5:55 How do you get warmed up? You approach and eject. Approach and eject is just go up to people, make comments, ask a question, give a compliment and eject. I always say in my coaching, eject before she can reject. So anytime I see a really hot girl and I'm not in a good state, I'm going to go approach and eject with a bunch of people. And let's say you walk into Target and she's sitting over there looking at the cosmetics. I'm going to do a quick lap, open eject, open eject, open eject with a bunch of people who don't matter, and then I'm going to open her.

6:26 The two most important things about opening a woman is, first of all, having your voice dialed in, which happens when you approach and eject. You get that nervousness out of your body. You get your voice dialed into the right calibration and you talk to her exactly as I'm speaking to you now. And the second most important thing is energy. You want to feel good. And one of the best things about approaching and ejecting is it puts you in a good state. We are naturally social creatures.

6:53 We get state from other people. So what I want you to do is I want you to feel better than she feels when you approach her. You can tell how she feels just by looking at her. So I want you to feel better in your body when you approach her and she's going to get state from you and therefore she's going to like you. The two most important things, again, are your tonality and your vibe or your energy when you approach her. Okay. So those are the two first tips warm up, get yourself in a good state.

7:21 You can even call a girl who likes you or a girl that you're already dating who's super sprung on you to get your voice dialed in. Sometimes I'll even walk up to the girl as I'm talking on the phone and I'll be like, hey, I got to get out of here. Yeah, I'll talk to you later. And sometimes if it's a girl who's sprung on me, I'll even have that phone on speaker so that the girl who I'm approaching can hear the other girl be like, oh, okay.

7:42 Okay. I'll talk to you later. Bye. And it's very obvious that that girl likes me. Okay. So I'm literally walking up feeling good, having already proven my value by talking to a girl. It's reflected in my voice. And then I'll open that girl with a very innocuous opening, which might be a direct approach or indirect approach. Okay. And this one, we're going to talk about indirect approach. If you want to learn more about my direct approach approach, just put my name, Mark Singh in the podcast app, as well as direct approach or how to approach a girl.

8:13 And there's definitely a lot of content that I've done about it. This one is an indirect approach because this is going to go into the calm to calm technique that I want to teach you. So an indirect approach is simply a quick question. Okay. Now I'm going to be honest with you. I prefer to do direct approach, which is telling her, hey, I thought you were cute. Had to come meet you. But in this one, I just want to use the indirect because it's a better example to set up this calm to calm technique.

8:38 Okay. So you go up, ask a quick question. Hey, I noticed you have Starbucks in your cart right there. Where'd you get that thing? Okay. Or, hey, I noticed you have XYZ in your cart. Where'd you get it? Hey, had to let you know. I think your outfit's awesome. I'm actually shopping for my sister for her birthday. Where'd you get those shoes? Those things are dope. Okay. Something very innocent, something just to get your foot in the door. Now, here's something that will probably surprise a lot of you, especially if you haven't been following my content a lot.

9:03 You have it in your head that you need to say some like magical, funny, amazing thing to get her like cracking up right off the bat. But let's put ourself in her shoes. Okay. She's literally standing there looking at cosmetics. She's thinking to herself, will this one look better or will that one look better? I read reviews about that one, but the black doesn't go on as good as the other one does. So I think I might go with this one. And then this guy comes over and a fucking flower shoots out of his sleeve and he's doing backflips.

9:30 And he's like, I think you're so beautiful. Will you please marry me? She's like, whoa, what the literal fuck is going on here? What I'm saying is when you approach girls most of the time, you're taking them off guard. Their mind is in a completely different place. So let's look at you when your mind's in a different place. And some guy's like, hey man, real quick. And you're like, what the fuck does this guy want? Why is he talking to me? You're trying to get on your feet and assess the situation.

9:55 So the same thing is happening to her. And as such, I actually like to open with shit that's like super boring and super easy for her to react to. Okay, so something such as, hey, real quick, where'd you get that Starbucks? I'm looking everywhere for Starbucks. Where is it? Okay, so she's standing there looking at the mascara and then some guy's like, hey, hey, real quick. And she turns and he's like, where'd you get the Starbucks? So now she understands what's happening. She's on her back foot, but it's not like you're coming saying, hey, I thought you were so hot.

10:24 I had to come meet you. And she's like totally taken off guard. No, it's really innocent. It's something she can easily deal with. And if you have good energy, maybe a slight smirk on your face, you've already opened some people. She can start feeling good with you. Now, the first part of the conversation actually doesn't have to be that interesting. In fact, I will keep it boring on purpose in order for her to gain her bearing, understand what's going on. Okay, I'm talking to this guy now.

10:51 Let me get my shit together. Let me kind of assess him, feel him out. You don't want to have her think too much in that first conversation. Because if you're like, hey, real quick, I have to ask you a question. Who do you think lies more, boys or girls? She's gonna be like, well, what? Like, what do you, what's going, girls, I guess? I don't know. She's like all on her back foot. So I like to keep it super simple. Ask her a really boring question.

11:14 And it's weird, right? Like I'm telling you, go up and have boring conversation. Yes, I'm telling you that. For the first 10, 15, 20, even 30 seconds. Okay, just real boring, which I know all you guys can do, right? All you guys are experts at being boring and just doing platonic vibing, asking simple questions. What happens after that is where we deliver the content, where we deliver value, we bust our chops, we do frame control, like all that's coming. But in the beginning, we want to calm her down. And that goes into my calm to calm technique.

11:47 Calming her down is your prime directive when you first approach her. Just showing her, hey, I'm not a serial killer. I'm not gonna mug you. I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm just a chill dude who is just gonna talk to you. That's why too, my third tip, I think it's number three. My third tip is assume familiarity. Treat her like she's a best friend from old times. That doesn't mean clasping her on the back or giving her a noogie. It just means that vibe that you have towards her is friendly.

12:16 It's familiar. It's comfortable. And the calm to calm technique means this. The more comfortable you are, the more comfortable she's gonna be. So sometimes, inevitably, you approach the girl and she's all on her back foot. She might cross her arms, look at you like you just sprayed her with fart mist. And she's like, what the fuck do you want? Like literally, she has a look on her face like, what the fuck do you want? Now, if you spaz out and you try to rush your line, or if you get uncomfortable too and mimic her body language, it's only gonna make her more uncomfortable.

12:46 So the calm to calm technique is for you to be completely calm, completely on what I call your inner balance point, your inner state of centeredness, and talk to her as if the way she's reacting isn't happening, okay? Talk to her as if she's as comfortable as you are. The more comfortable you can get, the better. I want you to have an open body language, maybe lean on a sign at the bars and the nightclubs, maybe I'll even sit down, and I'll act like literally nothing's happening if she's giving me one of those weird looks.

13:18 If she's looking at me like I literally just told her I'm in school studying to become a ventriloquist, it doesn't fucking matter, man. I am keeping my calm, and I am treating her exactly as you and me would be sitting across the table talking to one another. My friend Victor, the NLP dating coach that you're able to meet with, we were out the other night, and we were talking about this, and that I think is like his big secret is the dude just has like the chillest energy.

13:42 He's just a really friendly guy. He's got a great fucking voice, and he just goes in and talks to girls as if nothing is happening. Everything's fine. Everything's under control. Then what happens is like within 30 seconds, they let down their guard. Like literally, you'll approach girls, and they'll have their arms crossed in front of them as if like, don't touch me. Don't get near me. And if you're completely calm, completely unaffected, your voice does not change, but in fact, it has that bearing to it. They're going to loosen up.

14:11 And that's the calm to calm method. Brother, you have to be fucking calm. You have to be composed. You have to be unaffected. Talking to her as if you guys are old friends, and it's completely normal that you guys are sitting there speaking together. Now, that begs the question, what if like she doesn't loosen up? Like after 30 seconds, she doesn't loosen up. Okay, at that point, sometimes I'll call it out, and I'll be like, hey, I can tell you're really uncomfortable, so I just want to put your mind at ease.

14:40 I'm not going to mug you. I'm not trying to take your money. I'm not going to try to sell you anything. I'm just having a super innocent conversation here. Listen, I know strangers approaching you is probably kind of random, kind of weird, but I'm a normal guy. Trust me. This is just a mellow conversation. Oftentimes, when I say that, they'll loosen up a lot, and I can start talking to them. So to review, one, good energy. Two, good tonality, which you warm up by approaching and ejecting.

15:06 Three, assume familiarity. Four, you don't have to have this amazing blow her mind kind of opener. In fact, you want to keep it as simple as possible and give her a chance to get on her feet again because inevitably, she's going to be on her back foot. And five, calm to calm technique. Stay fucking calm. Talk to her like she's an old friend. You are unaffected by her being affected. Now, this goes into frame control. This is one of the deeper tenets of it. But the person who's most affected in a conversation, either positively or negatively, is the one who is not controlling the frame, which means if you're the calmest in a conversation, you are the one who is controlling the frame.

15:47 And as you know, by listening to my podcast, hopefully, frame control is the most important thing. So I'll tell guys all the time. I'll be like, bro, if you could talk to tens the way you're speaking to me right now, you will pull those tens. Why? Because oftentimes when a guy approaches a ten, adrenaline is dumping in his mind. He goes into screensaver mode. He starts biting his tongue and he looks like a fucking idiot. He looks like he just got a goddamn lobotomy and he can't talk to this chick.

16:15 He gets nerd mannerisms. He turns into a bumbling jackass. His body language is all insecure. His tonality is completely fucked up, meaning it goes up at the end like, hey, how are you today? Just want to let you know. I think you're really pretty, right? That kind of shit. She's going to be disgusted by that. But if you could simply talk to a hot girl the way I'm speaking to you now or the way you're going to talk to the next person who doesn't matter to you, pay attention to how you talk to that person.

16:41 Like literally somebody who does not matter. Maybe your employee, maybe a girl who's unattractive, maybe a grandma or maybe another dude. Listen to the way you talk to them provided they're not above you in social status. That's the way you have to talk to hot chicks. Are you spazzing out? Are you trying to get something from them? Are you all uncomfortable and weird and like having all these nerd mannerisms? No, you're calm. If you could be calm around a super hot girl, you will get her attracted to you.

17:11 Why? Because not only it shows you're used to being around hot girls, which shows you have options, which is highly attractive, but girls have to deal with dudes being blumbering jackasses literally on a day-to-day basis. Any girl who's a nine or a 10, it's like their perception of dudes isn't even reality. They think we're literally retarded. They think like we can't compose ourselves. We're fucking idiots. Like guys are just jackasses is the way they think of it. Not all of them. And once they understand that it's their beauty that's affecting dudes in those ways, they understand that, okay, they're not always like this.

17:46 But if you could just go up and be that one guy who does the calm-to-calm technique, even if she is put back by you, you will get her attracted to you with the boring-est conversation. Listen, I can go up to a girl and have fucking boring-ass conversation. Be like, so hey, do you like weather? Do you like to breathe? How many blinks can you do per minute, you think? Right? These boring-ass questions, I'll still get her attracted to me because I'm fucking calm. I'm composed. I'm on my inner balance point.

18:17 I'm unaffected by her hotness, which could only communicate two things. I was going to say one thing, but there's actually two things. The first thing is either I'm used to being around hot chicks or the second thing is I'm fucking gay. And usually she can tell I ain't gay because oftentimes I go up to her and I say, hey, I thought you were cute. Had to come meet you. My name is Mark. What's up? What's your name? So when Victor and I go out as wingmen, we are always calm.

18:41 That doesn't mean we don't feel good. And if we feel good, it doesn't mean we're being spazzy. It means we're calibrated. It means we have good body language. And because of that, girls get attracted to us. Here's the thing, brother. You're limiting belief systems. Things like I'm not enough. That girl's too hot for me. You shouldn't bother people. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know what to talk about. All these excuses you dudes make are belief systems that reflect in body language that is unattractive.

19:07 I want to say that again. If you have those negative belief systems, it is creating body language and tonality within you that is fundamentally unattractive to women. Not only that, if you think you're a seven and you're talking to a nine, you are going to behave as if you were seven, having nerd mannerisms, having incorrect tonality, and she won't get attracted to you. How do we fix that? NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming. You can meet with Victor today, a dude who has literally been through the program, who has gone through my entire NLP, has gone three months with me, and was a fucking bagel when we first started together.

19:42 I'm telling you, this guy had low self-esteem, horrible belief systems, traumas from his past, and through NLP, three months of NLP that I took him through, now he's able to pull tens. He is a testament of what's possible, and he, too, is now certified in NLP, and he's going to take you through an NLP experience. Jump on my website, CoachMarkSing.com. Click on Coaching. Read about Victor. There's a picture of him there. There's a bio about him right there. And, dude, check out my new video.

20:08 That thing is gangster, man. I'm super happy with it. You can click on it, see what the coaching is like, and sign up. Come join us. If you meet with Victor and you guys both decide that you're a good fit, you and I are going to become close friends. I'm going to work with you personally to make you a motherfucking girl magnet. That is my goddamn guarantee to you. I guarantee you, and I told Victor this, we have to 10x the results. We have to 10x the results.

20:32 If they're getting one date a month, it's 10 dates a month. Two dates a month, 20 dates a month. 10 dates a month, I want 100 dates a month, bro. I want you going on like three dates a day, literally, when you come into my program. That's the guarantee I want to give you. So come get your free one-on-one breakthrough session. Sign up on my website. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. Just get calm around these chicks, man. No matter what, just compose yourself. Pretend like this chick doesn't matter.

20:58 Or if you have to superimpose a girl's face onto the hot girl's face, who doesn't matter? Like you have a cousin or a friend or a girl who has a crush on you, literally mindfuck yourself and put her face on the hot chick's face while you're talking to her. Behave that way. Why is it that chicks were not attracted to you always get attracted to us? Because we behave correctly. Think about that as you close out this episode. The chicks you don't want, want you oftentimes because you behave in the right way.

21:27 You don't care. You have nothing to lose. So your body language is perfect. Your tonality is perfect. I want to teach you how to be that way around 10s. I do appreciate you listening, gentlemen. I draw podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, so make sure to stay tuned for the next one, and I will see you in the next episode. So-da! Thank you.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.