5 Ways to Turn a Boring Conversation Into One That BUILDS SEXUAL TENSION & ATTRACTION

0:00 Guys, big news. A motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist just won the Tour de France. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to yet another hard-hitting episode of the UMP. I don't know about you, but I find all this gender identification shit fucking funny as hell. I don't get political on this podcast because I know it never works out for anybody, and my political stance is usually right about in the middle.

0:42 But I will say this. This gender identity, being non-binary, and switching back and forth from genders is just the funniest shit to me, man. I just cannot believe the crap that people get focused on in today's world. Don't we have bigger problems to deal with than arguing about what a male is and what a female is? Really? Have we really descended into that level of stupidity where this is actually a conversation that we're having? It's so fucking funny to me where a guy will become a woman and then join the UFC or some kind of mixed martial arts competition, and then just Donkey Kong the shit out of every chick in the ring and just fucking kick everybody's ass.

1:22 Did you guys hear about this? It's so funny to me, man. I can't even believe some of the conversations we're having. So hopefully you got a good chuckle out of that, too. And I'll tell you what, if you can't laugh, you got a major problem, man. If you're taking life this seriously where even that doesn't make you laugh, there's an issue there. Lighten the fuck up because sometimes life is so ridiculous, you just have to laugh at it. Funny, I just told Marissa, I'm like, hey, don't text me.

1:45 I'm recording a podcast. And then she texts back, okay, I won't text you. Idiot, dude. And you guys know me and my woman always fuck with each other. There we go. Put that shit on. Do not disturb. So, gentlemen, today we are going to talk about five different ways to add sexual tension into conversations. All the time I get questions from listeners where they're like, man, how do I do this? And I'm like, bro, I have fucking 460 episodes where I talk about how to add attraction and sexual tension into conversations.

2:15 But I understand sometimes you guys need me to curate that material for you. So that's what I'm going to do today. And before we jump into the content, I want to let you guys know that my coaching program is open. I use NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, to remove negative belief systems about yourself and your head so that you behave correctly in front of women. Did you know that your behavior dictates 90% of whether or not a woman is going to get attracted to you? I also get asked all the time, like, what do I say?

2:42 What do I talk about? Is it okay to say things like, excuse me, or sorry to bother you? And my answer is always the same. You can say anything. And if you say it in the correct way, if you have the correct confidence and correct bearing behind it, it will work out for you. You aren't supposed to, quote unquote, go up to a girl and say, hey, I'm sorry to bother you. But I'll tell you what, if you get the right guy to say that, he could say, hey, I'm so sorry to bother you.

3:06 I really hate to inconvenience you. I do apologize a thousand times that I'm inconveniencing you in this way. But, and he can probably still get her phone number because it's not what you say. It's how you say it. And the way you speak is 100% dictated about the thoughts you have regarding yourself, the traumas, metaprograms, archetypes, and schemas that you have running in your brain. And unless you address that shit, no amount of pickup lines, no amount of podcast episodes that you listen to, no amount of PDFs that you buy for $47 on the internet are going to help you with it.

3:39 Guys, you need to get intrusive. You need to update those files that have been holding you back from success with women for years and years and years. And that's exactly what I do. I am the only coach that uses NLP. I am the only coach that uses hypnotism to put you in a state where we get you back to your inherent self-esteem. That self-esteem you were born with before other people came and messed you up. You had parents that had issues. You had grandparents that had issues.

4:06 Brothers, sisters, friends, all of which have had traumas and issues themselves. And they basically imposed that shit upon you. Did you know that many times you will adopt negative belief systems about yourself to get into rapport with one of your parents? If your dad believes that he's not enough, you will unconsciously believe the same thing about yourself so that you can get in rapport with him. Because from a survival standpoint, your safety is more important than your self-confidence when you're a kid. So many times we'll adopt this shit.

4:35 We'll buy into what other people believe, not only about themselves, but what they say about us. And if they say anything negative against you, it's because they feel negative about themselves. We'll adopt it. And then we'll be working with these outdated and ineffective programs, much like a computer program running inside our head and getting us the same results over and over and over again. Guys who are effective with women simply believe that they are effective with women, believe that they are attractive, believe that they are enough.

5:05 And when they go up, they can say something like, hey, sorry to bother you. Even though technically you're not supposed to say sorry, this is the Unapologetic Man podcast after all, you can say some shit, do some shit that isn't technically correct and still get the girl because of your behavior. Your belief systems dictate your behavior, dictate your body language. And unless you're addressing that shit specifically, you're not going to get success. I hate to say it to you, man, but it's the truth. And I'm the one dude who's willing to cut it to you straight.

5:35 So get intrusive. And if it's not with me, go see a cognitive behavioral therapist, go hire a different NLP coach, go see a hypnotist, fix the shit inside your head. You need to be working on yourself in order to get to the highest level that I know you want to ascend to. So today I am going to give you a bunch of tactics. But again, man, unless there's the backbone of self-confidence and self-belief, unless there's that foundation of correct body language and tonality behind this shit, it's not going to work for you.

6:04 So take it, try it, see what happens. If it works for you, great. If it doesn't, then maybe you need to come into my program and let me fix the shit inside your head with that NLP. Go to my website, coachmarkstein.com. Click on coaching. Fill in the quick application. You and I will email back and forth. And if it feels right to me and feels right to you, you're going to get on a free one-on-one breakthrough session with my boy, Victor Lynch, a guy who started as an absolute hard case with women, couldn't get laid if he was in a Tijuana brothel with $100 bills strapped to his penis.

6:35 And now for all intents and purposes, the guy is a 10 magnet because he came into my program, fixed the bullshit in his head, and you're going to meet with him. And he's going to show you what I can do for you as well. So to kick off this episode, I am going to give you one of my favorite ways to insert sexual tension into an otherwise boring conversation. The first thing I like to do is to ask why questions. That's W-H-Y. Why are you wearing that?

7:03 Why are you drinking that? Why did you come to this bar? Why do you have that as a job? Why are you with those people? Why are you leaving right now? Why did you just say that thing? When you question people, it shows that you're willing to break rapport. Breaking rapport, as I've talked about many times in this podcast, is one of the best ways to attract women because when you break rapport, it communicates that the conversation going well isn't so important to you. You're willing to throw out this conversation.

7:31 You're willing to ruin this opportunity with this girl because you have options. So what's important in seduction is what's sub-communicated. Communication means the communication underneath the communication. We can be talking about X, Y, Z thing, but the communication underneath the communication is what's really important. So when I'm willing to disagree with you, when I'm willing to challenge you and ask you why questions, it shows that the conversation isn't so important to me. It doesn't matter to me if it goes well, and thus that's attractive because it shows I have options.

8:05 It shows I'm not needy. I'm not trying to get anything from her. I'm questioning her because I'm legit curious. Why are you switching your gender back and forth from male to female? And this is a conversation I got into with a woman this weekend, which is why I thought of that Tour de France thing. Because she was saying that she was gender fluid, and I straight told her, I don't understand that. Can you please explain to me your philosophy about a guy can be born as a dude and then become a woman and say that he's a woman from birth?

8:35 I don't get it. Can you please explain that to me? I was asking her why she believes that. And though I may have been disagreeing with her, and though on the surface it may seem like, well, isn't that going to make her like you less? It doesn't because it shows that I have a strong sense of reality, and I don't care if things go bad with her. So she actually got more attracted to me emotionally, even though on some level she was probably pissed off with me rationally.

9:00 And that's the thing. Attraction is not a choice. It is unconscious. They can't control it. So when you're willing to be somewhat confrontational and ask them why questions, it creates attraction because, again, the subcommunication. It communicates, I don't care what happens in this conversation. I'm cool to break rapport with you. There's a million other girls out there that I can go talk to. And frankly, if you and I don't get along, then it wasn't meant to be anyway, so who gives a shit? Now, guys, don't be an asshole about it, but just ask why questions.

9:29 Why are you wearing that tonight? So why are you drinking that drink? Why did you choose to go to that college? Why are you following that baseball team? Why, why, why, why, why? This creates tension and starts to get that attraction going because platonic vibing, which is like, where are you from? Oh, you like to snowboard me too. Do you like weather? Those kinds of boring-ass conversations don't elicit any emotion. And even if you put some quote-unquote negative emotion into the conversation by asking her a why question and disagreeing with her on certain points, like a guy can become a woman and a woman become a man just because they wake up in the morning and, oh, it's Wednesday today.

10:08 I think I'll identify as a dog. And then on Friday, I'll identify as a toothpick. What the fuck are these people thinking? I don't get it. Can you please explain that to me? Now, this gets me into my favorite why question of all time. And, oh, my hell, do I use this all the time? And, oh, my hell, does this immediately instill sexual tension into a conversation? Here's the question. Why don't you have a boyfriend? It's probably because you're a bad kisser, huh? Okay, that's it.

10:34 Write that down verbatim. Tattoo it on your fucking forehead and ask it to every single chick you talk to from here forward. Why don't you have a boyfriend? It's probably because you're a bad kisser, huh? And you do it with a little smile on your face. You're just teasing her. And then I say you probably do the helicopter tongue maneuver, the jackhammer tongue maneuver, and you lick guys' faces from chin to forehead like a dog slobbering all over them. I bet that's why you don't have a boyfriend.

10:58 Not only does this get you the information as to whether or not she has a boyfriend, and if she says, well, I actually do have a boyfriend, you say, cool, it's nice to meet you. See you later. But it also creates a sexual tension because now you guys are going to talk about kissing. So you get into conversations. It's hella boring. You're talking about all this shit you shouldn't talk about, politics, religion, or like me, you get into a deep conversation about gender fluidity because you honestly don't fucking understand it.

11:24 And you think it's hilarious that a dude can become a chick and just donkey-cum the shit out of other chicks in the UFC. That shit's just fucking gold, man. Comedy gold. You don't get it. So you're willing to fucking ask why questions. And you say, hey, listen, you know what? You seem like a good conversationalist. You're obviously pretty. Why is it that you don't have a boyfriend? I don't get it. Is it because you're a bad kisser? I think you're a bad kisser, aren't you? You do the helicopter tongue maneuver, the jackhammer tongue maneuver.

11:50 You slobber all over a guy's head to toe. No guy wants to be with you. That's why, huh? And then she says what? Actually, I'm a good kisser. And you say, oh, yeah? Well, tell me about your technique. What do you do? Let's hear it. What do you do? Now you're talking about kissing. This creates sexual conversation in an otherwise boring conversation. The next thing to do is teasing. What did I just do in that example where I asked her about why she doesn't have a boyfriend?

12:15 I teased her. I said, you do this, you do that, you chase guys away. You got to fuck with chicks. You always have to be kind of taking jabs at them, teasing them like kids on the schoolyard. If you guys ever wonder, how do I get a girl attracted to me? It's very simple. Girls just want to have fun. You ever hear that song? I'm sure you have. Horrible song. Reminds me of driving in my mom's 1989 Mercury Topaz as we listened to Coast 103.5 in Southern California and she's got way too much perfume on and we're driving to high school and she's about to drop me off.

12:48 And then that horrible, debilitating, soul-crushing song comes on, Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And I look at my life and I say, what the fuck am I doing? Just walk to school, you idiot. Why are you driving with this woman with all the damn perfume? But I digress. That song, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, makes a good point. They do just want to have fun. So when you go in with the philosophy that you kind of want to treat her like two kids on the schoolyard, you're busting her chops, you're teasing her, you're having fun in a playful way now, gentlemen, that gets a lot of attraction out of a girl.

13:20 Here's one of my favorite moves. I talk about it all the time. You simply ask her, so, hey, I'm curious about you. Do you like to travel? And she says, yes. And then you push her by the arm and you say, travel over there. Now, you do it very gently, and I'm going to warn you, some girls get butthurt about this, but a lot of times, girls will just get this huge smile on their face, their eyes just busting out of their head, and they're like, oh, my God, I can't believe you just did that, and she hits you on the arm.

13:47 That's how you get attraction. You need to create that tension, that playfulness. You're just messing around. Other things I do will include accusing girls of being an ice cream man, accusing girls of being attracted to a really unattractive type of guy, accusing girls of being stalkers, accusing girls of being players, accusing them of being con artists. Anything you can do to kind of tease them and bust their chops is really effective to instill that sexual tension into a conversation. What is platonic vibing? It's wanting to be agreeable, wanting to not break rapport because you're so worried about the conversation going bad.

14:24 You see these guys in the nightclubs who have ear-to-ear smiles, man, all teeth. It's like a rubber band is connecting both sides of their mouth behind their head because they're so fucking pumped to be talking to these chicks. You know what's really interesting? You guys can try this. You can stand back-to-back with a dude in a nightclub who's talking to a girl and eavesdrop on what he's saying. I do it all the time, and when I used to teach infield, which means I used to teach guys in bars and nightclubs how to pick up girls, I used to stand with my back literally touching my client's back and eavesdrop on their conversation with the girl.

14:57 The girl doesn't notice because there's so many people in the bars and the nightclubs. Well, when you see these ear-to-ear smile dudes, low-value Larry, so fucking pumped to be talking to this chick, what's he being? He's being agreeable. It's the best conversation that ever happened to him. He can't believe he's finally talking to this hot Betty. Okay, what does that communicate? Low-value. So when a guy is agreeable and he's always trying to agree with what she says, build commonalities, high-fiver because you guys both like to hit the pow-pow that's real gnar-gnar at Breckenridge, you're being a fucking douche canoe, and she knows that you're low-value because you're trying to be agreeable.

15:34 So when you tease them, when you mess with them, when you fuck with them a little bit in a playful way, boys, don't be an asshole. You got to be playful, have a smile on your face, just jab at them, that builds a lot of attraction. Now, real quick caveat, I know this is getting long and it's probably going to be a slightly longer episode. That's all right. But quick caveat, if she gets butthurt about any of your teasing, you want to get serious, look at her and say, hey, listen, I didn't realize that would offend you.

16:00 Now that I know you don't like those kinds of jokes, I'll avoid them moving forward. Because that shows that you're cognizant of her comfort, cognizant of how she reacts, and you're willing to adjust based on her reaction. You'll also notice a very subtle frame control element that I threw in there. I didn't say sorry. I didn't say it was my fault. I say I didn't realize you would react that way. I'll adjust things moving forward to accommodate for it. Which basically means, again, subcommunication. You got butthurt.

16:31 You're a little emotional. You hyperextended your vagina. So I'll go ahead and adjust that because obviously you can't take it. And that's the way I look at it. Anything I do, I completely own. I don't make apologies for it. And if they can't deal with it and or they reject me, their issue. And I want you guys to think that way. The next one is false disqualifiers. False disqualifiers are exactly as it sounds. A false disqualifying her from being able to date you. Now, false disqualifiers definitely warrant their own podcast episode.

17:02 I can't remember if I've done one in the past about it, but I'll certainly do one in the future. It basically means you disqualify her because of something that you wouldn't disqualify her for otherwise. So, for example, I can't talk to you anymore because you drive a Honda Civic. I can't be friends with people who are fans of the Baltimore Orioles. Just an example. All you guys from Baltimore with your Baltimore arm swag. Relax, bro. I'm just making an example. God, you guys get butt hurt so easily.

17:30 Jesus Christ. Jesus wouldn't even believe this. Relax, bro. Tendo. So, you disqualify her from something that you wouldn't really disqualify her for. For example, if she's Christian, you wouldn't want to say like, oh my God, you're Christian. You actually believe in that bullshit? You stupid ass bitch. I can't talk to you anymore. Beat it, you sea donkey. You don't want to do that. So, things that you would actually disqualify a girl for, you don't want to pretend you're disqualifying her for. You want it to be something that there's no way you would disqualify a girl for, such as, you know what?

18:04 You're really cute. I have fun talking to you, but I just can't hang out with girls who wear yellow pants with black shirts. I just can't. It's one of my rules. My dad was killed by a woman who wore yellow pants and a black shirt. It just messes me up emotionally. Goodbye. We are broken up. I want my CDs back. Okay. So, it's a false disqualifier where you're pushing her away jokingly because of something she likes, something she does, something she says, where you're just messing with her.

18:30 It goes back to that teasing element. All right. The next one, boys, which should be totally obvious to you guys, especially my clients who still listen to my podcast, is pre-selection. What is pre-selection? It means that you have women in your life, attractive women. Preferably. Therefore, you are attractive to women generally. Here's a funny thing about human and specifically female psychology. We are cognitively lazy. Imagine you're a zombie ass in a derpa state, just going derpa, derpa, derpa through your life, looking at your cell phone and walking down the street.

19:03 You arrive to a red light. You want to cross, but everybody's waiting. So, there you go in your derpa mode, looking at Instagram, and everybody starts walking. You don't even look to see if the light is green. You just start walking too. Because we trust in other people to help us make decisions. This is exponentially true when it comes to women and dating. Women have a biological clock, and they understand that their sexual marketplace value has a time limit on it. So, they want to meet the highest value guy they possibly can in the shortest amount of time possible.

19:33 And one of the ways they do that is to see if this guy has attractive women in his life already. If he does, then she says, well, he has lots of hot girls around him, so he must be a high-value guy. I'm attracted to him. Now, obviously, this doesn't take place on the conscious level. It takes place subconsciously. But I'll tell you, and some of you guys know what I'm talking about. If you walk into a nightclub with two hot girls with you, you are automatically a goddamn rock star.

20:00 You have 70,000 times more value than if you walked in there alone. And that's the way pre-selection works. So, one of the ways to build that immediate sexual tension in a conversation is to show that you're pre-selected. If I walk up to a girl and I open her with one of my hot friends on my arm, which I do all the time, it's almost a cheat code that shit works so well, automatically, attraction is there, and we're not even going to get into a platonic, vibing type of situation.

20:28 It's automatically sexual. And I can question her with why questions right off the bat. Hey, what's up? Saw you standing over here. Had to ask you, why are you drinking that? Right there, boys. You open with that, with a hot girl on your arm, and you're asking her a why question, boom, immediate sexual tension. Then I'm talking to her, we're getting along, and then we have a commonality. She likes to snowboard the gnar-gnar pow-pow at Breckenridge on a cold January morning, and I'll be like, oh my God, you are such a copycat right now.

20:55 You knew I was into snowboarding, because clearly I'm wearing this Burton jacket. You're so trying to copy me right now. Is that what you do? You try to copy guys, is that your MO? And you're kind of messing with her. Now you're teasing her, and you guys have that all-important teasing vibe. All right, the next one, boys, and I'm going to wrap this up here shortly. Are gambits. Gambits are things like the cube. I've done a podcast on it. Strawberry Fields, done a podcast on it.

21:20 Human Body's a Lie Detector, done a podcast on it. The Five Finger Death Punch, podcast complete. And the myriad of other gambits that I give to only my coaching clients and my coaching program that get girls attracted to you. Guys, stop talking about boring bullshit, and just fucking bring up the gambits that I've taught you. God to the damn it. Why don't you guys do this? All right, so she's talking about how Wednesdays, she identifies as a dog. Thursdays, she identifies as a toothpick. And then Fridays, she goes between male and female, depending on her mood that day.

21:53 And thank God they have gender-neutral bathrooms, because otherwise, she wouldn't know which bathroom to walk into. And you're like, oh my God, are we fucking really having this conversation right now? And you'd be like, yeah, yeah, that's cool. Okay, gender-neutral, yeah, yeah. So anyway, have you ever heard of the cube? You freaking stop the conversation, and you pivot it into the way that you want it to go. This is the essence of frame control. So many of my clients, when they first come into my program, are like, well, how do I introduce this stuff?

22:21 I need some seamless transition, some bridge, like a perfect song from Elton John, where I can get into this conversation. I'm like, no, you don't. Just change the fucking conversation. She's talking about how on Wednesday, she has a penis, and on Thursday, she has a dogtail. You're like, hey, listen, that's really interesting. Have you ever heard of this thing called Strawberry Fields? No, no, what is that? Oh my God, it's so interesting. My friend Jessica did it to me the other day. It's a psychological test.

22:46 Here, let's do it. All right, first, I want you to imagine, boom, now you're off to the races. So gentlemen, as I talked about in the beginning of this episode, not only is it imperative that you fix the bullshit in your head so that you can change conversations without feeling apologetic about it, but you also need content. You also need to bring shit into the conversation that's actually interesting. Yes, I can get girls attracted to me talking about weather, and even, as I did with that chick last weekend, talking about how I think it's ridiculous that she's flip-flopping between genders all the time, and I don't agree with it.

23:19 You can be confrontational. You could talk about boring shit, but dude, when you add in the richness of all the gambits that I teach, all the tactics that I teach, on top of having the right body language, tone, and bearing, oh my hell, these girls are going to jump into the air and slide onto your dick. I swear to God, it's so fucking powerful. So gentlemen, those are five different ways that you can instill sexual tension and attraction into otherwise boring conversations. Once you get this thing, especially the teasing thing, the messing around, the breaking rapport, questioning her, leading with frame, being willing to be disagreeable, once you kind of get the shit and you've done it a few times, as I'm sure a lot of you guys have, you realize what a superpower it really is.

24:04 Add things like pre-selection, and most importantly, my NLP reprogramming onto it, and it's like killing an ant with a nuclear warhead. The shit just becomes so unbelievably easy, and it becomes really enjoyable. Actually, addictive, if I'm honest, because I've been addicted to it for many years, because it's just so goddamn fulfilling, so goddamn fun to have the power to make a girl attracted to you, no matter how hot she is. And you guys may be asking, well, what do I do with 10s? I mean, they require something different, don't they?

24:36 No! What are you thinking? It's the same shit. In fact, I'll lay it on even thicker. Go up to a 10 and be like, why are you drinking that drink? You will separate yourself from 99.99% of other guys. Now, obviously, you need to have the bearing, the inner confidence. You need to be used to talking to girls of that caliber, and I'm not going to lie to you. It does take practice, and it does take working up to that level, but when you invest in yourself and actually fix the bullshit in your head, it's so much easier than you're making it out to be.

25:02 So much easier. If I could just grab you by the shoulders and shake you and be like, bro, you have no idea how obvious this is and why I've turned into some Armenian-Turkish guy, I don't know, but if I could just do that and explain to you how easy this is when you just fix the fucking shit in your head, goddammit, you would be blown away by the results that you can get. Let me coach you, dude. What are you waiting for, man? Why are you procrastinating?

25:27 Why haven't you signed up yet? Fuck, man. I wish I could just get you into my program and just teach you how to do this shit so that you too can be a girl magnet, as all my clients are. Goddammit, go to my website, click on coaching, fill in the quick application, you lazy son of a bitch. Press submit. You and I are going to email back and forth together and then you're going to get on free one-on-one, one-hour breakthrough session with my boy, Victor Lynch, and we are going to see if we can at least 10x your results, turn you into a bonafide goddamn 10 magnet the way Victor is, the way I am, the way my assistant coaches are, the way we all are in the unapologetic man army.

26:07 I want to meet you, man. Stop depriving me of this opportunity. Once we meet, you're going to blow my mind with your championhood and I'm going to get your name tattooed right under Marissa's left eye. It's going to have your name right there in beautiful cursive. Her face is getting a little filled up with all the face tattoos, but we got some room. We got some room and you are next, my friend. So please sign up today. Really want to meet you. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening.

26:26 As you might know, I draw a podcast on Mondays and Thursdays and I got another banger coming out on Thursday. So please stay tuned for that one and I will see you in the next episode. Rowan, that one was for you.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.