A Con Man's Strategy to Seducing Women

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, money, women, and being a fucking man without making any apologies for it. I'm your host, Mark Sing, and today we are talking about something interesting, a con man's techniques to seducing women. Let's jump right into it. All right, so a con man, his purpose is to get in the trust of somebody else. So he's going to use techniques that we have to use when seducing women, and oftentimes his job was to seduce women.

0:31 The reason I thought of this is because I recently watched this movie called Red Sparrow with that girl, Jennifer Lawrence, and there were some interesting things in there about what motivates people, how to get people's trust, how to win them over, and how to basically screw them. So some of the things I'm going to tell you today are not moral, and though I myself have used some of these techniques, I want to say that I have not used all of them. So don't get pissed, bro.

1:01 Don't get mad at me. I'm just telling you what I've learned because I have studied this stuff quite extensively. I also read a book called The Art of the Steel, which was about Frank Abagnale, that movie with Leonardo DiCaprio, where he's like an airline pilot, and he goes and he just cons his way through his entire life. It's a really good movie and a really good book. You should check that out. There's also a podcast, I think it's called Con Men, and it talks about a lot of their stories.

1:27 So I've kind of compiled a lot of the things that I've learned through my studies of this because it interests me spectacularly. But one thing I really noticed is that con men are basically narcissistic pieces of shit. So if you have within you like, oh, I want to be a con man, I can kind of see that because it's kind of fun to, you know, manipulate and get things out of people. I mean, honestly, that's why I got into NLP to begin with. But check your morals because it's easy to slip down the rabbit hole and become a complete douchebag while doing it.

1:57 So that's my little caveat there. But let's go ahead and jump right into it. Okay. So the first thing that you have to do as a con man is find what it is that the woman wants, what hole is lacking in her life, and you have to be the thing that fills it. So oftentimes when con men would look for their marks, they would, they would think to themselves, okay, what is it that this person wants? What is the most desired thing that they want? And how can I get it to them?

2:26 Now with women, this is pretty easy. Okay. It takes some simple observation. You look at a girl at a bar, for example, and you see that her outfit is pretty darn put together. Okay. Her shoes match her dress. Her jewelry is perfect. She's all done up. So what's important to her? What's important to her is being validated for her looks, right? It, you have to be a detective and think, okay, what, what is important to this girl? You get a girl who's dancing on the dance floor and she's dancing real sexy and she's really working it.

3:02 Well, she probably wants to be validated for her dancing. So what are we seeing here? Most people want to be fricking validated. They just want to be told that they are okay. In fact, in human psychology, it's so important to be accepted by the tribe that people will do just about anything to be accepted. One of the stories that I was listening to is about this Victorian 1860s woman who in the Victorian age, you weren't allowed to sell makeup because Queen Elizabeth in England said that makeup was for whores and stage actors.

3:33 But to be ugly in, in Victorian 1860s Victorian as a woman to be ugly meant that you couldn't attract a suitor and you were basically screwed because women weren't allowed to have jobs. They weren't allowed to do anything. All they had to do was marry a man. So their entire existence relied on their looks. So this con woman set up the shop where she sold really snake oil, quite literally snake oil and sand, and she pawned it off as cosmetics. Now she was filling the void in women's lives to be attractive because they wanted to, you know, attract a male suitor who was handsome and rich and had power.

4:11 And that's, that was their whole life. That's what they had to do. So she filled the gap in these women's lives by giving them what they wanted, good looks, but she had it even better because Queen Elizabeth said that, hey, you can't be trying to make yourself look better. And if you do, you're going to be ostracized. So all these people had to keep it a secret. So not only could she con them by selling them basically bullshit, like sand in a jar mixed with like some oil for like a face cream, right?

4:38 Just crap. And she would say it was from like the Arabian Peninsula and all these, these women would buy it, but she also could keep them silent by saying, Hey, you know, like, don't tell anybody about this because you know, it's not societally acceptable. So it was the perfect con. Now with, with women, once again, when you tell them what they're looking to be validated for, and you do it in a way where it's not needy and you work within all the other principles that we've taught you on this podcast, that's a really fast way to get rapport.

5:11 And I do this myself all the time. I see, okay, this chick thinks that she has a unique style. Clearly she has a bag that's different. She probably makes her own clothes. So I'll even do something called RCR. And I don't think I've taught this to you guys yet. So here it is. RCR is reverse cold reading to bait qualification. Now what you do is you observe something about the girl that you think to be true. And then you tell her you don't like the opposite.

5:40 So for example, if again, she creates her own clothing and it's pretty obvious, she's kind of like a hippie chick. I would say something along the lines of, you know, so many of these girls in here, they're so, you know, trendy, they got Gucci on and Versace. I don't like girls that get all that like high end, you know, designer name stuff. It's just kind of a turnoff. Now, what is she going to do? She's going to say, Oh, I'm not like that. I actually like to make my own clothes.

6:05 Now what she's doing is she's validating herself to me. So once again, you want to observe something about the girl, tell her you don't like the opposite. You don't like the opposite of what she is. Then she will tell you, Oh, I'm not that way. And she'll explain herself. So that's called reverse cold rating RCR. Okay. Another thing I do is, and this is what common do too, is you look for hints in her language. So for example, oftentimes, almost always when you're dating a girl, you ask her, so Hey, like, tell me about your last boyfriend.

6:36 Why didn't it work out with you guys? Now that's a very important question to ask girls. Why didn't it work out with your last boyfriend? Now, oftentimes she's going to tell you what attracts her. So she's going to say, Oh, he didn't give me enough attention. And he was aloof. And it seemed like he was always interested in other girls. Well, she just told you what attracts her. Now, obviously that's also the reason she broke up with him. So you have to be calibrated. But if a woman tells you that her last five boyfriends were aloof and uncaring, hello, you just learn what attracts her.

7:08 So these are the kinds of things that con men look for. They look for little lottery tickets laying on the ground in the form of language. Women will literally tell you how to seduce them. And in the principles that I teach, such as cold reading, role-playing, push-pull, all these great techniques that I teach, some work better than others. Now, while most of them will work with most women, sometimes something like push-pull will be really potent. And then something like role-playing just will fall flat. So what do I do?

7:44 I double down on that, which works. And what I do in the beginning conversations is I try things. So I'll try a little cold reading. I'll try a little push-pull. I'll try a little role-playing, whatever it may be. And what she bites on is what I double down on. I mean, some girls, they love to just be fucked with. They love to be teased. I've told you guys this line before where I'll push or I'll say, hey, do you like to travel? And she says, yes.

8:04 And then I'll push her by her arm gently away from me. And I'll say, travel over there. Now, 80% of the time she lights up. She hits my arm. Obviously, I do it in the right way. I have a little smile on my face. I'm being playful. I wait till she has a little bit of attraction for me. I'm calibrated. But 20% of the time she gets butthurt about it. She's like, oh my God, what the fuck would you do? I'm like, relax. And I'm like, okay. Obviously, teasing her to that level of extremity would not be wise to do in the future.

8:39 So I'm not going to do that anymore. It's all about calibration, making your approach and your seduction customizable to every single girl. Yes, there are certain principles that work with all women. Frame control, value, sexual tension, qualification, all the pillars that I teach. But within that, each girl is a little bit different, just like all of us are a little bit different. Not all of us like Brazilian chicks with big asses. I'm not one of those dudes. I like fucking pale blonde chicks with tiny little bodies and a tight little butt.

9:10 And frankly, I like small tits. I like tight, tight body, which unfortunately is so rare these days and it pisses me off. Whole different podcast. But not every girl is going to like the same thing. So you got a beta test and that's what con men are really good at. Con men have this saying, get them under the ether. Get them under the ether. So what does that mean, guys? That means taking them through a heightened emotional state. A lot of my clients ask me, how do you get girls attracted to you in the first conversation?

9:45 Well, the way to get them attracted to you is to what? To spike their emotions, to get them emotionally invested. If you have boring, mundane, surface level conversation with the girl, she's not going to get attracted to you. How do you get her attracted? By making her laugh, telling stories, getting her intrigued, taking her on an emotional roller coaster. Look at these soap operas, right? Days of our lives. All of us have heard of that damn show. I'm 42 years old. That show has been running since I was a kid.

10:12 My mom used to watch that. And I dare say, if you're a kid in his 20s watching this, your mom probably watched it. Why? Because chicks love that drama, the up and down, the hot and cold, the push and pull, the intrigue, the mystery. So that's what con men do. And that's what gets them into their ether. When you're conning a woman, and I don't like to put it that way, but it falls within the title of this. When you're conning a woman, you want to get them into that emotional ether.

10:41 So you're always working on the emotional channel. So if you're going to, if you're going to have a basic mundane conversation where she asks you, what do you do? You better have a damn good response to that. That makes her laugh. That tells a story that takes her through that emotional ups and downs that I keep talking about. And I'm going to do a podcast later about how to answer those questions, how to get girls attracted to you in the first conversation. So get them under the ether.

11:08 So another thing they do is they ask you, con men will ask a woman, well, what do you want in a man? Okay. In the beginning, beginning sometime, they'll say, you know, why are you single? You know, you're a pretty girl, whatever. Is it because you're a bad kisser? And she's like, no, it's because I'm not able to find a guy I like. That's what they always say. You say, well, what are you looking for? Oh, a guy that is tall, handsome, treats me right, has a good job.

11:42 Is, is this, that, and the other. So what a con man will do, and this is a good thing to do in sales as well, is to repeat back to the prospect later on what they want. So salesmen will say, listen, why do you want this new BMW? And they'll say, I don't know. I just want to feel that power. You know, I want to, I want to push the accelerator and feel the blood get pulled to the back of my brain. I want to feel that excitement of just being able to just go down the street, have the freedom to just go wherever I want, as fast as I want, be in a sticky situation and just punch that accelerator and off I go.

12:16 So the salesman takes a note of this. And during his close, he says, look, Jeremy, I know you want this. I know you want this car because you want to, you want to have a car where you just punch it and it pulls the blood back to, in the back of your brain. You want to be able to just get out of any sticky situation. You want the freedom and the excitement of having this kind of power under the hood at your fingertips. Now, if we're going to do this today, see what they do is they just repeat back what the client wants and they take notes on what they say up front.

12:49 So what con men do is they do the same thing because the con man really is just a salesman, but his motive is fucked up. That's really the only difference. Salesmen are basically con men. They're just trying to help you out rather than screw you. At least the good ones are. So a con man will use sales methods and it would behoove you to learn how to sell because selling will teach you how to get better with women. And frankly, guys, getting better with women will teach you how to sell better too.

13:16 And I will say probably the most important quality to have in this lifetime is the ability to persuade, the ability to persuade. And I would only put that slightly in front of communicate. In my opinion, being a good communicator is the most important thing because why? We're social animals. Everything is communication. Right now, this podcast is communication. The reason why I get clients off of my podcast is because I'm a decent communicator. I'm not great. I'm always trying to get better. I listen to these podcasts and I tear them apart.

13:48 Did I stutter? Did I say, um, did I say like too much? I tear them apart because I know how much it's valuable to be a good communicator. So when I speak to a woman and I can communicate effectively with her, she's going to get attracted. When I meet a new client and I want to close him on a X many month deal, I need to be a communicator because that's how he's going to trust me. So if you want to become good with women, work on your communication, work on getting good at speaking, and you could even record podcasts yourself.

14:19 Just start a damn podcast, the mic podcast. Here we go. Record and don't even put it out into the world. Critique it, find out what's wrong, get better and better and better. And then when you're comfortable with it, put it out into the world. Now there is something to say about just putting it out no matter what, but if you want to get better with women, learning how to speak to them is really, really important. And saying back to the prospect, what their desire is, is extremely, extremely potent.

14:54 When I'm with a girl and I'm talking to her in the bar, she's invariably seen me talking to 13 other girls. So does she think she's number 14? Yes. But see what I do is I drop little hints that she's the special one. Now this is very subtle and it takes finesse, but one of the things that con men do is they make you feel like you are the most special person they've ever met. And that's also one of the things that people do who are likable. When they see you, they light up.

15:22 When they see you, they smile. When they see you, you feel like you're special. And that's what charisma is. Charisma is making other people feel better about themselves from having met you. I'll say that again. Charisma is making other people feel better about themselves from having met you. So when I'm talking to a girl, of course I'm not spilling my guts and saying, Oh my God, you're so beautiful. You're number one. I want to marry you. In fact, it's quite the opposite. If you've listened to my other podcast, there's a lot of push.

15:55 And what I mean by push is push her away in my gaming. But there's also just a smidgen of you are the one. You are the special one. You're the one that just kind of, Nicole, I gotta be honest with you. You just kind of got my attention a little bit. One of the things I say is, you know what, Nicole, when you walked in, my legs went out. Like I saw you, your beauty hit me. Boom. My legs went out, fell on the floor, crawled on the floor on my arms, like a Vietnam vet trying to get out of the war zone.

16:25 And I was like, how can I get my, my, my strength renewed? I was like, I know. I'll just look back at her. That'll renew me. So boom, I look back at you and I raise back to my feet and she's cracking up. And she's like, I bet you say this to all the girls, huh? Now there is certain ways to deal with that frame check is what we call them. But sometimes I'll just, I'll just make her feel like she's the most special. Now, again, it's, it's calibration, it's finesse, but that's what con men do.

16:53 It's like, you're, you're the girl that I've been looking at. You're the one who I want to spend time with. You have to make her feel like she's that special one. At least she's the best one out of the 14 you've been talking to before she'll have sex with you as well. And this is all part of building rapport, which comes after attraction and qualifying. And if you guys have studied this stuff, you probably know what I'm talking about. But see, I teach four pillars of attraction and really there's a miniature fifth pillar and that's rapport.

17:18 And this comes into it. So a lot of guys who have issues with girls having last minute resistance, girls giving them, uh, you know, lots of resistance when they try to get the phone number. It may be, I'm not saying this is it, but it may be that you're not making her feel special among all the other girls, especially if she's very, um, accusing you of being a player. How many numbers did you get? How many girls do you have sex with every week? Stuff like this.

17:50 You would be wise to make her feel like she's number one. Okay. And the other thing con men do is they promise them something they want. So this, I will say I've never done, but I know a lot of guys who do this and what they do is they'll promise women something that they'll want, such as being their girlfriend, getting married, being together for an extended period of time. Now it is a manipulative technique, but back to this 1860s Victorian example, this woman came to this, like, uh, this cause cosmetician.

18:25 I don't know what the hell they're called. The lady that sells makeup and these like elixirs, right? So she comes to her and she was older. She was her dad, her, uh, husband died and she wanted to get a suitor. Well, this lady convinced her to spend a bunch of money on these cosmetics to make herself beautiful. And when the cosmetics weren't making her pretty enough to attract a suitor, well, what did the con artists do? She got a suitor. She hired a guy off the street who was handsome and he pretended to be a suitor that was going to go, you know, uh, talk up this girl.

18:58 But he said to her, you know, I just want you to be more beautiful. Can you please get more beautiful? And then naturally that woman went and she spent her entire life savings. Like, I guess she was a millionaire back in the 1860s. The, her entire life savings on this car and artist, because she had the promise of something she wanted, which was a new husband. Can you believe that shit? I was like listening to that, like, ah, dude, human desire is so powerful. So if you can figure out how to be that piece in a woman's life, that's missing, then she will do anything for you.

19:29 And women oftentimes, remember women oftentimes have this dream of marrying Prince Charming, of having a great relationship, of being with a man who is not only an alpha, but who also treats her right. So while this can be used as manipulation, my personal philosophy is look, better yourself to be the very best version of yourself. You can be do all the right things when it comes to game, but at the same time, treat a woman like gold and be that man that she's proud to introduce your parents to be a good fucking dude.

20:02 There is chivalry and there is being a champion and being an amazing boyfriend that works into all this stuff that we teach. It's not manipulation. It's bettering yourself so that you can give this woman, you know, what she really wants. Every girl, what every girl wants, dude, is a fucking alpha who treats her right. That's it. An alpha who treats her right. And when you become that dude and know how to do it correctly without supplicating, without being needy, without being a little bitch, which does take some practice.

20:38 And I dare say it does say it takes some coaching, but when you can get this calibration, right, bro. I mean, I don't want to brag, but I've had so many chicks want to marry me because I do that. It's that subtle balance of being a fucking champion and alpha, but at the same time, treating her well, but at the same time, showing her you're not to be fucked with and that you appreciate your own time. You are a man, you are a go getter. You just have this whole mix of perfect personality, attitude, and frame control that she just falls in love.

21:05 I mean, this is the way to get a girl to really fall in love with you. So while you may have come to this episode to learn some manipulation, and hopefully you've learned a few things, really my message is be the best man you can be. Treat women well. Learn what it takes to attract women, mostly by getting your inner shit together. And you'll be able to attract any girl you want, dude. Like, I mean, you'll have chicks lined up out the door to marry you other than the other way around, which is how it usually is, is that there's a line of dudes trying to marry girls.

21:42 No, you're going to be the prize. You're going to be the hot chick. So wrapping this up, and we'll let you know, I do offer one-on-one coaching. You can learn more about that. Coachmarksingh.com. I specialize in NLP. Let me know if you like this podcast. I'm thinking about getting off of YouTube because YouTube's a fucking joke compared to iTunes and Spotify. So I think I'm just going to post this there. Maybe the episodes where I get on with John, I'll stick down on YouTube as well.

22:07 I haven't really figured it out, but I wanted to record this quick video. I thought it was a pretty interesting topic, and I do appreciate everybody who listens, and I'll see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.