Attraction Super Hack: MIRRORING to Get Girls Into Rapport With You

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. For those of you who have been listening for a long time, you know what to do, brother. Smack yourself on the ass, you are a champion. If you're new here, welcome. What I do is I try to teach you guys in the quickest, easiest way possible how to get girls attracted to you.

0:38 I also talk about how to maximize your masculinity as a man, how to develop into the best version you can be, so that when you're on your deathbed and you draw your final breath, you die with pride in your heart, knowing that you took the cards you were dealt in life and made the meanest hand possible. I'm going to skip the blatant advertising about my free one-on-one breakthrough session where you and I jump on the phone together and talk about your issues with women. And I'm going to quickly ask you guys for a review, preferably a five-star review, after, of course, you listen to this episode and perhaps a few others to justify to yourself that this deserves the effort to go through the Hasselhoff to find out how to leave a review, particularly on the iPhone app, but other apps as well.

1:23 And if you do leave me that review, I will send you a bunch of cool stuff. The Conversation Sniper, 150 Deadly One-Liners for Building Attraction, Guide to the Female Orgasm, How to Make Her Look Like a Screaming Demon That Just Got Hit With a Tornado, and Three Texts to Build Massive Attraction in Women. Impress your friends. Baffle your enemies. I will also get your name tattooed on my butt, and I will get a life-size statue of you put in my backyard, and I will really appreciate that gesture of consolidating.

1:52 All right, gentlemen, let's go ahead and talk about this thing called mirroring. Some of you have heard this before. Now, before I jump into the content, I want to preface this with going back to the previous episode I spoke about where some of you guys who listen to this podcast, you get all this stuff in your head, and it's all, you know, really good attraction-building material, but then when you get on a first date or you're in a first conversation with a girl, your mind locks up and you go into what I call screensaver mode.

2:18 And as I spoke about in that episode, that's because you're getting a lot of adrenaline dumped into your brain so you can't function. This happens when people freeze up in a life-or-death situation, right? You see a dude about to get hit by a truck, and he just stands there, and you're like, what the hell are you doing, you idiot? Get out of the way. And he doesn't know what to do. It's because we get into panic mode. We freeze up. And it's really weird survival instinct, isn't it?

2:41 It's pretty bad, man. Pretty bad design there, big old God. You fucked up on that one. And why would we freeze up when we need our minds most? It's like when the pressure's on, you can't function, you know? Like in a baseball game, you can't do anything because there's thousands of people watching. That's almost what's most impressive about professional athletes is they can actually function under pressure. I really admire people like that. But I digress. The point is that this mirroring thing is kind of like one of those fourth-tier type of attraction-building techniques that, yeah, it's really good to use.

3:14 And if you can remember, if your mind can be clean enough in order to remember this while you're on a date with a girl, use it. But I want you to try to super focus on it and forget the other things that are more important, such as frame control, telling good stories, having good conversation, things like that, which I did discuss in that previous episode. But for you more advanced guys and for you guys who are going to become advanced, this is something to put in your back pocket.

3:40 This is something to definitely remember as I have used this successfully many times with women. And it is extremely effective to get girls attracted to you. But, you know, if you focus on it at the wrong time and the rest of your game goes to shit, it's not going to really have an effect. But if your game is solid, you got some free bandwidth in your mind to be able to think about this, then go ahead and throw it in. Okay, so mirroring, a lot of you guys have heard about this before.

4:06 It's basically mirroring the other person's body language. Now, people do this when they're in rapport with each other. And people who are in love do this completely unconsciously. They don't even know they're doing it. And it's interesting if you watch two people who you can tell are in love and you see them sit down with each other, they'll literally have the same body language, right? Like she'll cross her leg, he'll cross his leg. He'll put his arm up to his head. She'll put her arm up to her head.

4:34 He'll lean in, she'll lean in. It's a fascinating phenomenon. I'm going to teach you how to do this before she's in love with you because when you're in love, it happens. But also when you do it, it creates those in love feelings. It's kind of like you can reverse hack these things in order to create feelings in the head that originally manifest the behavior to begin with. Damn, that was a good sentence. Fuck. So here's what you do. Okay, so first of all, we know that people in rapport mirror each other.

5:03 So when you're on a date with a girl, just pay attention to her body language, how she's leaning, how she's sitting in the chair, and you can mimic it. Okay, so this goes into the NLP concept of pacing and leading. So pacing means following the person until you're in rapport with them and they're starting to kind of follow you. And then once they are following you, you start leading them. For example, I notice in my coaching calls a lot of the time when I'm on my coaching calls with guys, I'll take a drink of water sometimes.

5:34 I'll grab my water, take a drink, and I notice that they'll do the same thing immediately after I'll do that. It happens all the time. Or I'll talk a certain way and I'll notice guys will kind of start imitating me, right? We imitate those people who we admire. We imitate those people who we are in rapport with. So when you're with a woman and you're imitating her body language, once she subconsciously gets into rapport with you, she'll start following you. And this is where you want to get her to.

6:02 You want to get her to that leading part because, as I always talk about as men, it's our job to lead the interaction. And preferably, we want her following our body language. You'll also find that she'll kind of talk like you do. She'll talk at the same volume you do. And she'll use the same words as you will. But before she does that, we're going to do it in reverse to her. There was a really interesting speech. I don't know where I heard it. I don't know who said it, but it was like a psychologist or something who, when he would get new clients, he would get an instant rapport with them by imitating them.

6:36 Now, when you first hear this, you're going to be like, really? You could do this without getting caught, without the person getting mad at you for imitating them and perhaps being condescending or patronizing to them? The answer to that is yes, you can do this. And most people don't even realize it. So in his example, he was saying if someone called him on the phone and he's like, hey, Brian, how are you doing today? And the guy on the other side of the phone is like, yeah, I'm okay, Dr.

6:58 Stevens. Well, what Dr. Stevens would do is he would be like, well, tell me what's going on. So he would imitate. And again, it sounds like you would get caught because it sounds like you're patronizing to this person. You're making fun of them. You're imitating them. But it's weird. People do not realize you're doing this. And I'll do it sometimes just to play with it. It's not like a big part of my game, but I will fuck with it a little bit, particularly what I'm going to talk about in a minute.

7:27 But when you imitate them in a respectful way, of course, they get an immediate rapport with you because we like people who are like us. When you feel like you jive with somebody, when you feel like this person is cut from the same cloth that you are, you immediately get into rapport with them. This, by the way, is why you'll see guys in the gym working out together who look exactly the same. Have you guys ever noticed that? It's like dudes who work out together. They have the same body type.

7:56 They usually have the same haircut. They have the same number of tattoos, same amount of body fat, same kind of amount of muscle. And they look like fucking clones of each other. You'll see a tall, skinny dude working out with another tall, skinny dude. A short, fat, bald dude working out with a short, fat dude with like a shaved head. I mean, it's not always that way, but a lot of the times it is. And I even find that I gravitate towards dudes that look like me in the gym.

8:21 I'll go talk to them naturally. I talk to the tall, thin, ripped dudes who have like good musculature because I want to know how they got there, but also because we get into rapport with people who are like us. So that's the basic fundamental reason this mirroring works so well. You're basically showing her like, hey, I'm like you. Now, on that language thing, going back to the Dr. Stevens example, the reason why he imitated that like part is because people get into deep rapport with others who use the same language as them.

8:53 Now, this is fascinating to me as an NLP coach because NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. And in my coaching, I will use the same language as my clients, not to manipulate them, but to get into deeper rapport with them so that I can get into their subconscious mind and, as I do in my coaching, reprogram their brains. So if you were to join my three-month coaching program, I send you what's called the NLP intake form. Now, this NLP intake form identifies your metaprograms, your schemas, your archetypes, your traumas, and your belief systems.

9:28 Well, in that questionnaire, I'm looking for language, okay? I'm looking for how you talk. I'm looking to see how you associate things. I'm looking to see what it is that's going to get me into your unconscious in the quickest, easiest way possible. And this is really effective with women, okay? So right there, I just used the word really. I didn't use very. I used really. So if you were talking to me, it would be wise of you to use the same language that I use. So if I'm talking to a girl and she uses like a lot, which is really common with women, especially younger women, I'll throw it into my language.

10:01 It's funny because on this podcast, I try to never say like, like when using an example as I just did. But when it comes to talking to girls, I'll throw those kinds of words into my language to get her into rapport with me. And then, dude, once she's in rapport, I'll start using my own language until she's imitating me. You guys, once a woman is imitating you, be it with body language or conversation, you are in like Flynn. So pay attention to this, pay attention to, is she following me or is she completely off of where I'm going?

10:35 And if she is, you want to imitate her first. Mirror her body language, okay? Like I said. Now, of course, you want to stay away from the feminine kind of stuff, like crossing your legs in a girly way or like flipping your hair. Like we don't want to be too obvious with it, but it's more like lean angle. How is she sitting? Maybe if she takes a drink of her water, you take it right after her. This works really, really well. And then, of course, the language, okay?

11:00 You want to use her language. You want to kind of speak like she speaks, maybe even in the same cadence. And use some of those things, like if she's like, ah, or something like that, you could do it right back to her. There was an interesting story I heard back when I was an undergraduate getting my psychology degree. And I forget exactly who it was. I always say I have a shit memory and this applies here too. But there was an interesting story where one psychologist said, hey, you cannot create people's behavior with reward and punishment.

11:29 And another psychologist said, yes, you can. So what happened is the first psychologist who was denying the second psychologist's theory went and gave a speech. Well, the second psychologist sat in the front row while this guy was giving the speech. And every time the first psychologist, the one who doubted what the second one said, fuck, this is hard to explain, would put his hand up to his face. The second psychologist would smile really big, like reward that behavior. So by the end of the speech, the first psychologist, the dude who was denying the theory that you can't create behavior by rewarding it, was touching his face probably like 10 times a minute and making the second psychologist smile.

12:10 So what was happening there? It was he was rewarding the behavior that he was trying to create and at the same time prove he was right to the guy who was saying he was wrong by creating an action in the dude himself who said he was wrong. I thought that was really, really cool that, you know, the mind is really powerful, guys. And that's why I believe in NLP so much. You know, you think, how can you just magically change somebody's programming? How can you hypnotize somebody to think differently?

12:36 How can you remove these traumas, the severity of them, put in new archetypes and schemas and make me think like a natural ladies man? You know, the mind is malleable, not only with belief systems, but also physically, like your mind can physically change. They've done studies on this. Neuroscientists have done studies on this where your mind is neuroplastic, that it can actually change. And this is really easy on the belief system level. I mean, look how quickly the second dude who was sitting in the audience was able to create behavior in the first dude while the first dude was saying, you can't create behavior in me.

13:11 He did it right to him right on the stage. I mean, that is such gangster level shit, right? I love that shit. Well, we can do this to women and it's not manipulative per se. This is what you do anyway. Like I said, when you're in love, when you're in deep rapport. So why not speed up the process by, if you will, putting the cart before the horse, right? You're creating the result first to create the initial emotion that typically creates that result. Man, this is some word judo right now, right?

13:39 It's like super tongue tied kind of sentences, but I'm getting through it. I'm doing a good job. What you don't know is that my podcast editor is editing out all the times I stop and say things like five different times. So if you think like I just flow through these without any mistakes, that's not how it is, dude. I make a lot of mistakes, but Liam, my champion podcast editor, what is up, Liam? Always does a great job seamlessly tying this all together and making me sound like I make no mistakes.

14:05 But make no mistake, brothers. I definitely fumble sometimes. So lastly, guys, there is mirroring that's slightly different than the context of which I was speaking about. And that's mirroring back to her the language that she uses in order to get her to keep talking. Okay, so we know that there's a mirroring that I just explained, which is you use the same language as she uses in order to build rapport with her. But then there's a slightly different kind of mirroring. And I talked about this in the FBI negotiation podcast episode I did probably about a year ago, where you use the last few words of the sentence she just said in order to get her to keep talking.

14:43 So if she's like, yeah, we went out to the nightclubs last night and the bouncer threw me out, you'd say threw you out with a question mark at the back, right? And then she'll keep talking about it. Now, this is really effective in its own right where women want to feel like they're understood. They want to feel like they're listened to. So by mirroring the last few words of any sentence she said with a question mark, tonation on the back, she's going to keep explaining and feel like you're really listening to her.

15:10 And this takes like 2% mental effort, which is fucking awesome sometimes when you're talking to chicks. Just wrinkle your eyebrows, stare at her mouth, and mirror the last few things that she says, and she'll feel like you're like this unbelievable listener. You know, listening well isn't really that deep of a skill set. All you have to do is shut the hell up, try to clear out your brain, try to be in the present moment, which means not thinking so much. Definitely don't try to solve her problems.

15:36 And just ask her questions about things and just fucking listen. That's it. It's like a lot of guys make it way more complicated than it has to be. But mirroring is a way to simplify this where you don't have to use much mental bandwidth. You can let her go on and on. And in the meantime, she's building deep rapport with you. Then as she's sitting there talking, you may want to mirror the way she's sitting. You may want to mirror back to her some of the actions she's doing, like taking a bite of her food or taking a drink of the water, whatever it may be.

16:05 And then as you're going, you're seeing, oh, she's getting in rapport with me. Okay, now I'm going to try to put my hand under my chin as I'm talking to her and see if she does the same thing. Or I'm going to take a drink of my water and see if she follows me. Once she's following, you're in like Flynn. Attraction has just went up exponentially. I should actually say rapport went up exponentially. And as you should know by listening to this podcast, we need women to get into rapport with us in order to have sex with us, make out with us, want to introduce us to her parents, things like that.

16:39 So mirroring is really powerful, boys. Again, this is kind of a fourth tier thing to add into your quiver. It's kind of like your sidearm, right? It's not your main weapon. But if your main weapon goes down or you're out of ammo, you're Winchester, as they say, then you can pull out your Sig Sauer and go to work. Because we should all have lots of different tools in our tool belt, lots of different weapons to use to get women attracted to you. And this is yet another weapon in our tool belt that is going to make you that much more effective.

17:06 And boys, I got many more to come. You know, sometimes I think about, man, what if I run out of things to talk about on this podcast? And it was interesting. The other day I said that to myself. And of course, that's a limiting belief. And I was like, no, no, no, man. You will never run out of things to talk about. Like literally, and my coach said this to me once. He's like, literally, if you lived five lifetimes and you did three podcasts a week for your entire life that lasted 100 years, you would still have enough to talk about.

17:32 And I was like, you're right, man. That's a scarcity mindset. I have an abundance mindset. And when I think that way, all these ideas come to me. Like yesterday, I don't know what the hell happened, but I was just driving down the road and idea after idea after idea came to me. It was like 15 podcasts, like really good content too. Stuff I can't wait to share with you guys. Attraction building material, masculinity building material, becoming a fucking man without making any apologies for it. I got tons of stuff yet to come, boys.

18:02 So with that in hand, if you found value in this podcast, please do leave me a review. Reviews help me out tremendously because they help me rank in the search rankings. They help other people find this. And you know what? This is how I make my living, man. I make my living through coaching. And this is how I get my coaching clients. Like this is basically how I get 99% of my coaching clients. Some come from other means. I get referrals. I get stuff like that. But this podcast is my bread and butter.

18:28 So if you like the information I give you and you want to help me in some way, people ask me all the time, do you have a Patreon? Can I send you some money? What can I do for you? Bro, leave me a review. That is what you can do for me. And you know what? I really appreciate all the emails, all the love. And that goes a really long way too. So if you can't leave a review and you just want to shout out and just say, yo, you've really helped me out.

18:50 It helps me. You know, it kind of helps my morale as it were. Helps keep me motivated when I hear these things. You guys are getting like tattoos of the stuff that I say. You guys are saying I changed your life. You guys are saying like, bro, I was just broken up with a girlfriend. And because of your podcast, I got back in the game and I'm absolutely killing it. Thank you, brother. You saved my life. Like that goes a long way. I'm not going to lie.

19:11 That combined with the review goes the farthest. But if you can't leave a review and you want to send me some love, I would love to hear from you and I'll probably send you some shit back. Also, I have had a couple emails bounce. Like I've tried to reply to a couple emails where you guys will send me a message through my contact form and you'll leave an email that I guess is a little bit mistaken and I'll try to reply back or Daisy will try to reply back my assistant and it'll bounce back.

19:37 So there have been probably half a dozen of those instances. So if any of you guys have written me and you think I haven't replied, that could be the reason. I literally try to reply to every single fucking message I get. I really do try. And listen, if I wasn't able to reply to you, I apologize. There was probably some technological issue. But just so you know, I'm not ignoring you. I love all you guys. Believe me, I value you as a listener. Like if you're spending your time listening to me, seriously, brother, seriously, I fucking appreciate it.

20:08 Like you have no idea how much I appreciate it. I'm not going to just like not reply to a dude who writes me. So that's the reason that may have happened if you experienced that. All right, gentlemen, once again, I do draw podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. And like I said, I got tons of great content to come. So please stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.