How Long Does it Take My Clients (and Non-Clients) to Get Good with Girls?

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me. And today I am going to give you a no BS prediction of how long it's going to take you, yes, specifically you, to get really good with women. Now this obviously is a difficult question to answer because I don't know you.

0:37 I don't know what situation you're up against. I don't know what kind of belief systems you have. I don't know what your current skill set is, but I'm going to kind of give an average so that you can compare yourself against these averages and get yourself kind of an expectation of how long it's going to take you to finally get really effective with women. Now again, this is such a nebulous question. I get asked it all the time and it's like, well, you know, the obvious answer is, and I hate hearing this answer in certain situations and I'm sure you do too, but it's the old, it depends answer.

1:08 Because it does depend. It depends on so many circumstances that I can't predict specifically because I don't know you. And this is part of the reason I give a free breakthrough session is so that I can tell you exactly how long it'll take, either with my help or without my help. And of course, without my help, it takes a lot longer. With my help, it's like a black hole shortcut to get you to those results in the easiest, least painful way possible. But a lot of you guys don't want to get coaching with me.

1:31 A lot of you guys don't want to jump on that free breakthrough session, which again is absolutely absurd to me, but hey, you're going to do what you're going to do. And I, at the very least, do appreciate you listening. So don't think I'm hating on you because, dude, like you tuning in, you can be doing many other things with your time. I really appreciate that. So let's go ahead and jump into it, man. No need to try to put fluff into these podcast episodes, which some guy mentioned on a review lately.

1:56 He's like, yo, there's very little fluff. And brother, if you're listening, I appreciate that, man, because I really try not to be the fluff dude, the old cut fluffer, because I hate people who do that. Now, naturally, I have to talk about my NLP coaching, but I try to do that quickly and get on with the damn subject. So let's do that here. So on average, how long is it going to take a normal dude, an average dude to get good with women? Okay. So on average, I'm just going to tell you straight up, takes about one to three years, one to three years.

2:26 Now, again, it depends on so many circumstances, and I'm going to do my best to say it depends as few times as possible in this episode. But bloody hell does it depend? Like I'll get on the phone call with dudes and I'll be like, oh, my God, this is this guy's going to take me like at least three years, if not five to get him straight and to get him going. Now, the biggest thing, and I actually mentioned this a lot when I'm on those phone calls with guys, the hardest thing to teach is social intelligence.

2:50 So if you're the kind of dude who just kind of rubs people the wrong way, you can't really take social cues, you're not really socially skilled when it comes to even just dealing with other dudes, dealing with your family members, your good friends. Those are the hardest cases. But if you're like most dudes and, you know, listening to this podcast, I have a feeling and I have seen that most of you guys are pretty socially savvy when it comes to just simple communication. Like, can I just talk to this dude in a normal conversation where there's no stress, there's no attraction, there's no pressure for him to perform.

3:23 Can I just talk to him normally? If the answer is yes, then you're going to be on the lower side of that spectrum. So you're going to be around the potentially three months to one year level, year and a half, maybe going up to two years. If you have like a lot of bullshit in your head, a lot of traumas from your past, a lot of really bad programming, extreme approach anxiety, stuff like that. Now, of course, in my coaching, we target that stuff. So we significantly reduce the time.

3:51 So in that call, in that free breakthrough session, I always quote my guys how long it's going to take. Now, for just an example, let's say I quote you one year. Well, without my help, it would probably take you three to five years. So I shed off probably about 75% of the time with what I found in my research. Like I'll see dudes do it alone without me. Like I have friends and stuff who study this stuff and they do it without my help. And I see how long it also took me to get good, which was about five to 10 years.

4:23 Now, again, it's a spectrum and it's not you're just good one day. It's a spectrum. It's like becoming fluent in a language. People ask you, are you fluent? And you're like, well, I hate to say this. It depends. Like there's different levels of fluency. Like every day you're becoming a little bit more fluent. Every day you're becoming a little bit better with women. So where's the line? Right. But generally speaking, like it took me about five years to get let's just call it like my brown belt, which is like almost a black belt.

4:52 And then probably another two to five years to get what I consider my black belt. So for me, it was like 10 years. But when people go through my program on the average, it's about six months to a year. Now, you may be asking, but Mark, I thought your program was three months. It is. It takes me three months to teach you everything I know about seducing women, everything I know about attraction, everything I know about female psychology, frame control, all my tricks and gambits, everything. And also to reprogram your brain to the point where you think like I do, which is highly confident.

5:23 I'm the prize. I'm the champion. I'm unapologetic. And you understand the psychology of attraction to a very deep level. That takes me three months to put into your head. But the journey doesn't stop then. Right. It's not just like, OK, three months and you're going to be an expert with women. I always quote beyond that or typically quote beyond that. Some dudes, I'm like, you know, it's going to take you like a month with me. And then through the rest of the other two months, you're going to be killing it.

5:47 But most dudes, it's like six months to a year. And I always tell them, look, you get lifetime access to all the training, lifetime access to the Brotherhood Facebook group, lifetime access to all the NLP stuff. So you keep using it. And a lot of my guys will go through the material again because we all understand that you forget things. So with those dudes, it's like, yeah, if it's six months, you go with me for three months and then you're kind of like going on your own for three months.

6:11 You don't have to like pay me again and go through the program. I don't try to upsell people after they're done. I give everything in those three months and that's all I have to offer. Like everything. I just like shoot my entire load all over your face and that's all I got, bro. Like I got no more. And then it's your job to continue practicing. And by the time most dudes are over with their three months, they're getting laid, they're getting chicks, they're managing a harem.

6:33 And now they're just refining their skills. OK, so usually it's like six months to a year. But let's say you do it on your own and let's say you're listening to a lot of this podcast, the Ask Women podcast with Marnie, How to Talk to Girls podcast with Trip and all the other great material that's out there, both on podcast apps as well as YouTube. A couple of years, a couple of years is what I would quote somebody who doesn't have help. But brother, listen to me right now.

6:58 If you have a lot of shit in your head, particularly really like bad approach anxiety, you have really bad belief systems, you've had a trauma with a woman such as you just got absolutely decimated. The way I did, my first girlfriend cheated on me when I was 21, heard her having sex in the dorm room with the dude like I needed intervention for that kind of trauma. I needed NLP and thank God for finding NLP. I discovered my NLP coach when I was living in Japan. I suffered from panic attacks and I searched the Internet for an NLP coach, found a dude in the United States and he's my NLP coach to this day.

7:33 He's kind of like my mentor. He's kind of like my father, actually. And I just think the world of him and he saved my life. As I try to do to other men, I try to pay it forward. So with his help, I was able to get over those extreme traumas. And in so doing, I was able to significantly reduce the time. And in fact, in my opinion, had I not had that interventive help on that level, I would have never have gotten there. And now you may be asking, well, is it possible to have a dude who's working on himself with podcasts?

8:03 He's watching YouTube videos, et cetera, and he never gets decent with women. I hate to say it, man. You know, it's bad news. But yeah, yeah, it's possible. It's possible. And I've seen it. I've seen guys who just did what most people do, which is just to listen to free material because, frankly, they're scared of investing in themselves because they think it's a waste of money, which is ridiculous to me. Real quick, guys, I'm about to spend $1,000 to sit with a guy for an hour on coaching, $1,000 for an hour.

8:32 And I'm not going to, like, launch into a whole tirade about how when you invest in yourself, that money comes back to you. But that's what I believe, that every time you're willing to spend that much on coaching for yourself, that's how much you could get paid for coaching for you. Now, I'm not $1,000 an hour. Don't worry. In fact, my program is extremely affordable compared to all the amazing shit that I give because I want to be able to get the average guy into the door.

8:56 I'm here to help people. I'm not here to gouge people. But when it comes to my own business, I'm spending $1,000 to figure out how I can get my podcast more listeners for one hour of this guy's time. So anyway, that's neither here nor there. Let's get back to the topic. I believe that if you're really fucked up in the head, if you've had traumas, if you're totally socially inept, I've coached guys on the spectrum, guys with Asperger's, guys with Tourette's, guys with extreme mental issues. And I've been able to help them, but naturally, man, like I'm not going to lie to you, bro.

9:26 I can't just flip a switch and fix your head immediately. Like shit takes work. So it really depends on the amount of trauma that you have, the amount of bullshit you've been through. But let's just say you're the normal dude. Again, man, one to two years, you're a normal dude who comes to me. Could be anywhere from three to six months. Could be, again, it could be a month, really. It just totally, I hate to say it, it just totally, absolutely depends. So to get good with women, and I talked about this in a recent episode, you need to just focus on one thing at a time.

9:57 And listen, you need to commit five to 10 hours a week. Okay, so when I quote, let's just go with the one year example. Let's say you're a one year dude. That's five to 10 hours a week for the next year that you're putting into this to get good with women. And when I say get good with women, what does that even mean? It means that you're basically like a purple belt. Let's say you're not a white belt, you're not a blue belt, you're a purple belt, which is pretty damn fucking good.

10:22 And you're better than 99.99% of the population. So you're getting dates pretty easily. You're getting laid pretty much whenever you want to. Not everything works out and you make mistakes here and there and you're constantly learning. But you're pretty damn resilient and you're pretty damn solid in your game. So that's what I say when it takes about a year and then if you want to get to black belt level, like bro, I was obsessed. I just love this shit. I was super into it. It feels good, man.

10:47 It feels good to have sex with hot girls. Like I'm not going to lie to you and I know you're not trying to lie to yourself. It's fucking fun, especially when you master the game. You get addicted to it, as I did. And I mentioned in a previous episode that I spent two years just doing this because I got an inheritance from my grandma and I just lived off of it. It wasn't like a ton of money, but it was enough for me to live off for a little while, live frugally, and then, dude, I just dated girls and I just mastered this shit.

11:12 So that's like black belt level and it's like in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, maybe one out of 10,000 people will arrive there. And it takes a certain amount of obsession to get to that point. But you guys can be wholly satisfied and be able to attract an amazing woman being at, let's just say, purple belt level, which again is like that one to two year general quote that I quote. So this leads me to my other question. You know, what if you have a dude who is really just socially inept?

11:43 He's naturally just really nerdy. It's just who he is. He just has weird mannerisms. He just dresses nerdy. He's into Dungeons and Dragons, let's say. He's into video games and anime and like that's who the dude is. And I tell you guys to be unapologetic for who you are. And I tell you not to try to change yourself, but in fact, have deep self-esteem in who you are naturally. Can that guy get to a black belt level? Yes. But I'm going to be honest with you.

12:09 It's harder. And I want to say as well, it's not necessary to do that. It's not necessary to become the dude who's in the nightclubs with fucking solid 10s all around him, getting the hottest girls in the world. Like not every guy wants that. Not every guy wants to be that quote unquote Dan Bilzerian player type dude who's just able to get more ass than a toilet seat. Maybe, and this happens for some of my clients, he just wants a girl who he relates to. He just wants a girl who's even into Dungeons and Dragons, into the video games, into anime, just like he is.

12:41 And there are girls like that out there. You know, you look at these like anime conventions and sometimes there's some really cute girls that go to that place. So you kind of got to figure out also what your goal is. What would you love to see happen? Now, as I know you guys, because I talk to you guys literally on a daily basis, most of you dudes want to have lots of different experiences, have sex with lots of hot girls or even just date lots of hot girls.

13:04 And then from that abundance, pick your queen, the best one for you, which is basically what I did. I just did the whole having sex and going out with tons of girls for a very long time, years and years, because I was literally addicted to it. Like literally, I was addicted to it. And then finally, I met a girl who I was like, okay, I want to settle down with this girl and have a family. Most of you guys, that's what you want. And that's fully possible.

13:27 And you know what? For some of you, it's fully possible without even hiring me. Like, yeah, I think that hiring a coach specifically in something you want to get really good at and quickly just get it fucking done, get it off your plate, master it and get on with the rest of your life. I think it's by far the best thing to do. And I'm not just saying that because I am a coach, but it's been the truth for me. And like I just said, man, I'm investing a grand for one hour with the dude, one fucking hour.

13:53 A lot of you guys are sitting there like, what? What are you thinking? How could he possibly give you $1,000 worth of material for one hour? Well, bro, you have a scarcity mindset and you're thinking about the time. You're not thinking about the result, right? Who gives a shit if it's 10 minutes? Who cares if it's just one tip that he tells me in that entire hour that doubles my downloads? Wouldn't you agree it would be worth it then? So stop thinking about it as time and think about it as result.

14:19 And that's the thing too, is like in my coaching program, three months is the minimum amount of time it's going to take for me to teach you everything I know and to reprogram your brain. I mean, I can blast it to you in a month, maybe, but you'll never fucking retain any of it. And you won't have enough time with me so that I can correct those inevitable mistakes you're going to make over your three-month coaching tenure. So this is the kind of thing we need to self-analyze on.

14:44 Like, do I have a scarcity mindset? What is my opinion about how progress is made? Does a year with five to 10 hours a week or maybe even two years of doing this and, yeah, enduring some rejections, specifically when you do it alone outside my coaching program, you're going to get rejected way more, way more. Because I teach really heavily about how to sidestep rejection. It's a gigantic part of my coaching because I know a lot of you guys fear it. But if you're not willing to put in that time, then you know what, man?

15:12 It's like, yeah, it could be curtains for you, bro. Like, I'm not going to lie. Not every dude gets across the finish line. Not even every dude who's listening to podcasts. He just doesn't. It's like, how many white belts start Brazilian jiu-jitsu and never get their blue belt? 100. One out of 100 guys gets their blue belt. Well, you know what? It's the same fucking thing with this. It really is. And that's why I love Brazilian jiu-jitsu because it's so fucking similar to learning how to seduce women.

15:36 It's so similar. And I'm a white belt right now. And I'm getting close to getting my blue belt. I got four stripes and I'm getting there. But it's like when I think about 100 dudes for me couldn't get to his blue belt. Like, that's pretty terrifying, to be honest with you. And it should be terrifying for you guys, too. But look, I'm investing in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I'm getting private lessons. I'm investing in that because I believe in investing in myself. And I believe to get the results you want, you should hire the best people in the field.

16:03 It's just fucking so logical to me. I can't believe everybody doesn't do this. But anyway, so look, I'm not guaranteeing you you're going to get to the finish line just by listening to this podcast. Or even if you have three podcasts downloaded and you're, like, subscribed to 10 different seduction channels and you have all these books on your shelf and shit, it doesn't fucking matter, bro. It's like what you're doing. Are you getting out there five to 10 hours a week? Are you opening and ejecting with 20 girls?

16:27 Are you setting up a top-of-funnel pipeline where there's tons of girls coming into your life so you can be in the alpha role? You know, if you're not doing these things, I make no illusions, man, and I make no promises. You may not get there. You may have to marry a sea donkey to which you get to the end of your life and you look at her and you're like, God damn it. Remember that one podcast I listened to where Mark Singh was trying to get me to at least get on a free breakthrough session with him?

16:50 And I decided not to because of whatever scarcity mindset I was dealing with at that time. That was a fucking mistake. That was a mistake. Now, I'm not saying it's a mistake for all of you. Look, all of you guys aren't a good fit for me and I'm not necessarily a good fit for you. But bro, if you really, really, really want to get this part of your life settled and you're willing to invest a year into it or maybe two years or three years and you're willing to do whatever the fuck it takes, go get a coach.

17:18 And if it's not me, I don't even care. Go to Tripp Kramer. He has an awesome program. He's a great coach. Go to Marnie. Maybe she'll do some coaching. I don't know if she does one-on-one anymore. But listen, I don't even care if it's not me. Just get a fucking coach if you want to get this part of your life settled. Because it is going to exponentially cut off the amount of time and pain that you have to suffer to get good at this. And look, man, one of the biggest reasons we're here is to procreate and to pass on both our genes and our wisdom to our children.

17:47 And one of the most satisfying things about life is having a woman who you really pair bond with effectively and she brings love and joy and awesome sick duck into your life, right? So to me, it's like, am I really going to get to the end of my life not having mastered this? No way. It's non-negotiable. It's out of the question. And I think a lot of you guys agree. So that's what I think, boys, you know, it's a big spectrum. It could be anywhere from three months to 10 years, to be honest with you.

18:14 But I think on average, one to two years is a pretty safe quote. That's usually what I see with dudes. And usually that's about enough time to knock it out effectively. Now, that begs the question, does every single guy who joins my program get the results he's after? Well, I still have guys in the program right now. So I don't have all my statistics in. But I'll tell you this, I'm very good at selecting dudes who are going to do the work and aren't going to push it down the road, aren't going to procrastinate because of fear, aren't going to say, well, I don't want to do this.

18:46 So I will say this with utmost confidence. Yes. Yes. Every single guy who I choose to invite to the program gets better at being with women. Now, how much better is largely up to them. I give them everything they need. I reprogram their brain. And most dudes, 90% of them freaking skyrocket their results. Absolutely skyrocket. Not only because they're champions, but because I'm very good at picking champions. Now, the other 10%, you know, sometimes fear holds them back a little bit. Sometimes life situations happen. Sometimes they don't do the work.

19:19 And that's on them, bro. Because I show up every day, I kick them in the ass, I hold them accountable. I have email after email where I follow up with dudes who are procrastinating. But in the end, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Now, I have a lot of tricks to make that damn stubborn horse drink. But there's only so much I can do because ultimately it rests on your shoulders. So, yeah, like the vast majority of my dudes crush it, crush it.

19:44 But I'm not going to be honest with you, man. It's not guaranteed that you're going to crush it too. You have to fucking do the work. You have to show up. It's you, bro. Like nobody can do this for you. You know what I mean? Like as much as I have created and as much as I want to and as much as I try to and as much as I give from myself and my knowledge and my NLP and everything, ultimately the buck stops with you and it's going to be dependent on you whether or not you get these results.

20:09 So look yourself in the mirror, dude. Do you have the heart to get through this? Or are you just going to keep pushing it down the road, procrastinating because of fear? You're going to let that fear rule your life and not allow you to get this, which you really want. And I'll tell you, anybody can do it. I have had harder cases than you who had fucking heart. Adam, you are one of them. Alexander, you're the other one and a couple others who I don't think would be comfortable me putting their name out there.

20:35 You guys got fucking heart because you were working up against much harder barriers than a lot of the other dudes and you still got those results. So proud of those guys. Like the harder case you are, the more I'm proud of you to join something like this and the more I want to meet you. So if you think, man, I don't think I can do this. I don't have what it takes. You'd be surprised, bro. You got a freaking heart of a warrior right there beating your chest.

20:57 Access it, man. Don't let your bitch voice talk you out of this. You are a warrior, dude. And you know that guy's inside of you. You know you have that courage inside of you. And again, if it's not with me, I don't care. Just do it. Just hire somebody. Just get this solved. And even if you just want to do it through a podcast, put yourself fucking out there. Go get rejected. Go through the pain, man. It's worth it. I'm telling you, it's worth it. So I hope this motivated you guys.

21:21 I hope it's given you a realistic expectation of what it's going to take for you to get good with women. And I'll tell you, it's worth it, man. It's worth it. You know, it took me 10, 15 years to get this good. But now that I am, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I want to go back to that beta cuck fluffer that I was. Hell no. That dude is dead. The warrior has stepped forth. The girl magnet has stepped forth. And it's worth it. It's worth it, boys.

21:45 So do the work. Go into pain willingly. Be a fucking warrior. And you too will get those results. All right, gentlemen. I dropped podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. So make sure to stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode. So. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.