How to ABSOLUTELY DOMINATE Any Speed Dating Event!

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, you legends? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. If this is your first time listening, welcome. My name is Mark Sing. I'm an NLP dating coach. NLP stands for Neural Linguistic Programming. And what I try to do in this podcast is give the most actionable advice where you can actually go out and use it.

0:34 I absolutely hate listening to podcasts where it's a bunch of theory. It's a bunch of 10,000 foot perspective. No, no, no, no. It's not what we're doing today. Today, I'm going to tell you what to talk about, how to dominate the speed dating events so you get as many matches as possible. A couple quick stats on this, which is really interesting. Most speed dating events, you have two to 10 minutes to talk to the girl, get her attracted to you, and then yank her phone number. There's a 48% chance that you are going to make a match because with each single, and there's usually about 40 per event.

1:05 I've been to several. There's usually like 40, 50. One time I went and there was like maybe like 70. Between those, each person you meet with, you have an 8% chance of actually making a match, getting her attracted to you. Now, the problem with these, of course, is that the girls usually aren't anything to write home about. I've seen a couple hot ones in there, but they were usually there with their friends. But still, boys, one of the biggest things that I try to teach you as your coach, as well as in my three-month coaching program, is that you need reps, R-E-P-S.

1:36 Reps means I want you talking to as many women as possible, getting as many experiences under your belt as possible, so that you improve with this thing talking to women. Now, here's the great thing about speed dating events. What kinds of things are you going to talk about? Let me just throw that at you, and I want you to guess what kind of things you're going to talk about. Let's say you meet somebody in line as you guys have to wait about 10 minutes to get to the front of the line.

2:03 What are you guys going to talk about? Usually, you're going to do get-to-know-each-other stuff. And in the context of a speed date, she wants to know about you. She wants to know who you are, where you're from, what you do for fun, what you do for a job. And all these things, gentlemen, we can answer in a fun and exciting way and ask them back to her in a fun and exciting way. That's going to separate you from all the other douchebags. When the stats say that you have an 8% chance per woman and you have a 48% chance overall of making a match, I'm willing to put that up to 200%.

2:34 That was definitely my experience because, guys, we are different from the other schleps who go in there. What do you think most guys are going to do? They're going to be nervous. They're going to be uncomfortable. They're going to be boring as watching paint try. Gentlemen, we need to be that dude who's different from all the other dudes so that every single chick is thinking about us and hoping that you, yes, that's right, you text them back. I want to differentiate you guys from the rest of the sea donkeys.

2:59 I want you to be that legend that's launching a fusillade of championhood off the starboard bow who every girl's thinking about when she goes home. That's what we're going to create for you today. Before I jump into the content, just a couple of super quick announcements and then we'll get into it. First one is, guys, I keep getting hit up by copywriters. Do you know what a copywriter is? It's a guy who writes like sales messages. He writes emails and sometimes he writes blog posts. Literally, it's insane.

3:28 Every day I get hit up by about 10 of these dudes who are like, I want to write your newsletter. Do you have a newsletter? Do you have a certain blog that you're doing? Why aren't you putting out copywriting? And I'm like, yo, I'm sick of it. But truth is, I kind of do need some newsletters. I need some emails to send out to my boys because I haven't really been on that. I've really been relying on the podcast, which I will say has been delivering more than I can handle as far as clients are concerned.

3:50 But I need newsletters to be written. So here's what I want to do. If you're interested in my content, and clearly you are since you're listening to this, I'm looking for somebody who will trade coming into my coaching program, my three-month coaching program. You get all the NLP, all the lessons, all the coaching calls, everything. And I want to trade that with a good writer who's willing to write my newsletters, who's willing to set it up in AWeber, that's my email client, and dial it in so that I have something to communicate with my boys with.

4:20 So if you're a writer and a good writer and you want to come into my program, I'm willing to barter that with you. Do not please send me an email and say, I don't want to get in your program, but do you want some writing? Bro, I get hit up fucking 10 times a day by these dudes. No, I don't want the writing unless I can trade for it. My coaching program, which you should know is several thousand dollars to get into. But dude, I turn guys into girl magnets.

4:45 So if you like my content, if you resonate with me and you want to learn more, then hit me up, we'll talk. And I kind of think this is brilliant because as you go through the program, you'll write newsletters exactly about what I'm teaching you, huh? Pretty fucking smart. On that note, gentlemen, and I'm almost a little afraid to say this, but I'm going to say it. I will barter other things as well. Just don't hit me up and be like, bro, I got a burnt out couch in a 1992 Honda with a brown door and a burrito decal on the hood.

5:09 Would you be willing to trade that for the coaching? Bring me value, boys. If you want to trade something, I may be open to it. So that's first announcement. Second announcement, and this is really quick. Come back on Monday. I have a gigantic announcement as I'm apt to do lately, making these announcements to share with you guys on Monday. That's literally four days away. So please come back. I'm going to drop a sick episode. You have to come back to see what it is. I have a huge, amazing, enormous astronomical announcement that I cannot wait to share with you guys.

5:40 I'm so fucking pumped on this. Been working on it for several months. I'm going to reveal it like a hot girl revealing her titties for the first time to you fucking champions on Monday. So come back, you idiots. I cannot wait to share this with you. So gentlemen, speed dating event. First of all, you see donkeys, get yourself dialed in. You want to run a tight battleship. You want to bounce quarters off the bed. You want to launch that fusillade of championhood off the starboard bow.

6:11 And I want you to get laid so much that you're going to be getting home consistently at stupid o'clock. That's how late you're going to get home because you're constantly getting sex. So get yourself dialed in. Look good. What looks good? In my opinion, you could do two different things with the shirt. You can wear a t-shirt that fits you really well and such as a leather jacket, or you could do a collared shirt, not buttoned all the way to the top, have it open. If you have some biceps, make it a short sleeve and flex up a little bit.

6:38 Then I want you to wear a nice pair of jeans, maybe a nice pair of boots, a belt, take a goddamn shower, pluck your nose hairs, shave your unibrow and shave your fucking 1970s bush down below. All right. What looks taller? A sheep standing in two feet of grass or a sheep standing in two inches of grass. Think about that one, boys. Shave the Spartan. Get your shit dialed in. The better you look, the better you feel. I actually don't really care how good you look, but I know this is a psychological thing with a lot of you guys.

7:05 And this is how it works is if you think you look good, you're going to be confident. Before you go to the speed dating event, what I strongly suggest is go cold approach some girls. Just ask for directions. Do what I call approach and eject, which is a central tenant in my coaching. We avoid rejection because we eject before she can reject. And this is the way I get guys who are extremely fearful of getting rejected over their fear of rejection because I have them approach and eject.

7:33 You just ask simple questions like, hey, where's Starbucks around here? Hey, do you know where the watermelons are? Where's the freeway? Is that gas pump working? It was broken last week. Simple questions. You're not hitting on them. You're just asking a question. Then you realize the all important truth. Strangers are friends I haven't met yet. And then you get comfortable opening. So what I want you guys to do is warm up. What do you think I do when I walk into a supermarket and I see a smoking hot girl?

8:04 Do you think I go right up to her and open her? Sometimes if I'm warmed up. But if I'm not warmed up, she's standing on the right. I go to the left and I do a lap around the supermarket opening grandma's canyon mules, mountain buzzards, mountain trolls, and sea donkeys to get myself warmed up. And then I come back and open her. So we arrived to the speed dating event. May want to take your friend. I've done it a few times with friends. It was a lot of fun.

8:30 Kind of sucked when you liked a girl and then he yanked her. But it is what it is. You guys want to feel good. I cannot overemphasize this. Feeling good is probably 60% of the battle. Why? Because people, specifically women, want to be in a better state. Women are always seeking state outside themselves, whereas men are internally validated. That's why when I see a guy who's always seeking state outside himself, such as looking for girls to validate him, looking for compliments, looking for people to like his Instagram posts, I know he's insecure and in his feminine energy.

9:05 So we want to go in and give masculine energy, which is simply feeling good. Now you may ask me, how do I feel good? You just choose to do so. This is something that we have the power as humans to do. You can change your state like that, just that quickly. A lot of times though, it feels good to feel like shit in a weird way. So we don't change our state. But if you simply decide to feel good, you will feel good. And that's what you got to do when you go in.

9:32 All right. So you go into the event, mingle a little bit. I tried to open girls before, but sometimes they separate them. So we're going to get now into what you do when you sit down with the girls and you're going to do the same fucking thing, rinse and repeat. This is how effective it is. Now, a lot of you guys have heard me talk about in my coaching, the three step answer to when a girl asks you standardized questions. What are standardized questions? They are, what do you do for work?

9:57 Where are you from? What do you do for fun? Where do you live? And anything else where it's a, what do you, or where do you kind of question? These are questions that we ask each other to get to know each other. It's like you meet somebody at a cocktail party or a networking event. You're just like, yo, what do you do, man? And it's a simple question. The problem is, and I know a lot of you guys can relate to this. Most people are so fucking boring.

10:22 They're like, oh, I'm an accountant. Literally, they just say what they do in nothing. No story, no interesting banter, nothing funny. They just say, yeah, I'm an accountant. I'm a lawyer. I'm a doctor. I'm a Canyon mule, butt cleaner. They are always so boring and I'm sick of it, boys. I am so sick of standardized, boring ass conversations. That's why when I go up to a checkout lady, I always make it interesting and make her laugh. I always say, hey, do you have to choke anybody out today?

10:47 And they always crack up. I want to give value. I want to be that dude who's different than every other schlep that these girls are going to sit across at the speed dating event. Guys, you are going to dominate this shit, just like I said in the title. So we understand that women are going to ask you these boring questions and you're going to ask them back to them, but you're going to make it interesting. Now, bear in mind, you need to be cognizant of your time.

11:12 You need to know that you're going to have sometimes two minutes, which I think is ridiculous. Ten minutes is about right. Eight minutes is good, too. Hopefully, you go to one where it's eight to ten minutes. I would even look into the registration information to make sure it's not some two-minute bullshit because you literally have no time to do anything. You could try it, but it's like, yo, you need a couple minutes to knock this out. So when a girl asks you, what do you do?

11:34 You answer it in three different parts. The first part is a joke, and this is the fun part. This is the part that's going to make her laugh. As a lot of you guys have heard, I like to tell girls that I'm an ass model. Now, of course, this is a joke that's simply designed to make her laugh. Nothing more. It's a joke. It's not true, but I can get a lot of mileage out of it because I've done it so often. I have like stories with it.

11:58 So here's typically what I say. I say, yeah, I'm an ass model. And she's like, what? Are you serious? I'm like, yeah. This ass right here is famous on seven continents. There's actually a picture of my butt lubed up, of course, in Times Square. So you go in Times Square, just my ass right there, famous all over the world. Now this chick is cracking up. She just had three other boring conversations with a bunch of schleps who had no game, and you're cracking her up, and the dude next to you who's talking to other girls like, what the fuck is he saying, dude?

12:27 I wish I could say something like that. So ass model, I always say, and I always say this, during no part of this conversation, Kelly, will you pinch my butt? Because if I get a bruise on this bad Jackson, I'm going to be out of work and on the streets, and I'm going to have to live in front of your house in a cardboard box, and it's going to be complete mayhem. So don't pinch this butt. And oftentimes they will pinch the butt, especially when I do this in nightclubs.

12:49 Other things I say are, I'm an almond milker. I work at the almond farm, and I milk almonds for almond milk. I'm a penguin picker-upper. I call it a penguin valet, because did you know that at the zoos, when penguins fall over, they can't get up? They'll actually die. So I'm a penguin valet. I go up and I pick all the penguins up, and they're so cute. It's so annoying, because each one falls over like at least twice or three times an hour. So I'm running all over the place.

13:15 And here's the weird thing. They won't even let me near them unless I'm wearing a tuxedo. So I got to be in a tuxedo while I'm working. But last year, I was actually the penguin valet of the year. I got a jacket with my name on it and a big penguin. I'm a penguin valet. Now during this, she's going to crack up if you do it right with a smirk on your face, telling a funny story. Okay, so we have ass model, almond milker, penguin picker-upper.

13:35 Another one I do is funeral hugger. I go to funerals and I hug everybody. I give them a little nestle because they're all bummed out. I'm a funeral hugger. I work at Hillshire Pharmaceuticals is something I say. I say, and this came from my client Trenton. What is up, Trenton? Fucking legend. I'm a sex doll tester. I thought that was so funny when he said it, man. I lost my shit. So you say something funny, whatever's funny to you. Backflip expert, water bottle squirter at NASCAR.

14:05 You change the urinal biscuits at the high school. Whatever you think is funny, that's what you say. And then you have like a little story behind it. Second thing you say is the truth. Okay, you simply say which you are. You say, I'm a lawyer. Okay, if you're a lawyer, that's it. So first you say, I'm an ass model. Joke around. You say, no, I'm just kidding. I'm actually a lawyer. You know, it's funny. And then you tell a very quick story, especially in the event of a speed dating event.

14:29 You got to be quick. The story should include high value traits about what you do. And best of all is a story about you overcoming some adversity to become what you are. A lot of you guys know that I'm an NLP dating coach. NLP, of course, is neurolinguistic programming. When I talk to a girl and she asks me what I do, I say I'm an ass model. I go through that whole shtick. Then I say, no, I'm actually an NLP coach. Do you know what NLP is?

14:58 They almost always say no. And I say it's neurolinguistic programming. And then I talk about, and this is true, how I used to have panic attacks, agoraphobia, and major anxiety, specifically when I lived in Japan. I was a translator for a while in Japan. I also taught English in Japan. And that's what I did. And I used to have panic attacks. So what I did is I contacted an NLP coach, and literally within just a couple sessions, he got me over my anxiety to a point where now I'm teaching other guys how to do it.

15:27 So guys, look at all the value I just packed into literally one minute. First of all, I totally made her laugh, which is important. Girls want to have fun. Second of all, I told her what I did, but I just didn't say, I'm a lawyer, I'm an accountant, I'm a barista, whatever it is. I made it interesting by saying how I got to that point, and preferably, gentlemen, you overcoming adversity or being inspired by adversity to become what you are. And this is what I work on with my clients when they come into the program.

15:55 We work on how to deliver this story of what you are so that it's interesting to women and shows all those attractive qualities. Overcoming adversity, having perseverance, being ambitious, being passionate about what you do. And this is how we wrap it up into literally a one-minute freaking dog bite that you chuck into her mouth and then it's, bing, attraction hot switches. Quick note about the what do you do thing. If you have a shitty job and you're working towards something else, let's say you are a barista, but you want to be an engineer and you're working towards that, talk about what you're working towards and what your dream is, because your dream to be XYZ is just as attractive as if you're XYZ already.

16:29 So make note of that. The next part of this is asking her the same question. So you can either start with her asking you or you ask her which is actually more likely. So you sit down and you're like, "What's up, Amy? Nice to meet you. What do you think about these speed dating events? They're a little, little tense, aren't they?" And she says, "Yeah, they're a little bit tense." And notice what I'm doing here, guys. I'm building some rapport with her on a common struggle.

16:57 The common struggle is, "This is kind of awkward, these speed dating events." And then I might say, "Yeah, my friend dragged me out here. How about you?" And she's like, "Oh, my friend wanted to come, blah, blah, blah." And then you kick off into the questions. So I'll usually ask them the questions first, because the essence of frame control, which if you don't know what frame control is, I know I'll get some new listeners on this. Definitely look that up. The essence of frame control is to essentially lead the conversation.

17:11 So you're probably going to ask her first what she does. So I'd probably say something like, "Okay, I'm going to kick this off. What do you do for a living?" Actually, let me guess, let me guess. You are an ice cream man, aren't you? Joking, having a smirk on your face, a little wry smile, W-R-Y as I often say. If she laughs, great. If she doesn't, well, she might be uptight. So uptight, you stick a lump of coal up her ass, you'll have a diamond in two weeks, as they said on Ferris Bueller's Day Off, if you've ever seen that movie.

17:53 So I kick it off by saying, "Let me guess, let me guess, you're an ice cream man." And then if she laughs, I'll say something like, "You know what? I really like mint chocolate chip." So though we just met each other, if you bring me a gallon of your best mint chocolate chip, you just won. You just beat out all these other ladies." Because the lady over there, she offered me two gallons of Oreo ice cream and that had me pretty going, but I like mint chocolate chip.

17:53 And she's like, "Ha, ha, ha, stupid. Stop being dumb. Whatever." Then you say, "No, really, what do you do?" Then she says what you do, and then you could do two things when a girl tells you what to do. You could say, "What inspired you to become that?" Do you have a crazy story about something that happened? What's it like to be that?" Or if it sucks, I like to make up stories about how she takes revenge on people. I met a girl once who worked at a tow yard.

18:37 So I was teasing her about how she keys all the cars. She steals the money out of the center consoles. She's really mean to the cars and like a mean worker there who's at the window and just like mad dogs everybody. And funny side story, my boy got his car towed and literally a guy took a shit in the passenger seat, dude. There was a big honking brown dump right on the passenger seat. So we were laughing so hard. He wasn't laughing. But the rest of us were.

19:05 So tow yards are sketched. So if she works a job that's kind of ghetto or kind of sucks, you can make up a funny story about how she takes revenge on people. And then what I like to ask in this context, too, is if you could do anything without any chance of failure, what would it be? If you could do anything without any chance of failure, what would it be? My God, girls love that. It goes in line with the questions of if you had $90 million, what would you do with your life?

19:23 If you could leave right now to anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? If you could have lunch or dinner with a certain famous person alive or dead, who would it be and why? And these two are questions you can throw in. So what I did is I asked her, what do you do for a living? Made a joke, then said, no, really, what do you do? Then either I took in the direction of building rapport by saying, what do you love about that?

19:47 What inspired you to be that? Or I go in the direction of making another joke that, yeah, that job kind of sucks. Do you ever take revenge on people? Then I ask her, what would you do if you had no chance of failure? Guys, just that, you're getting a phone number. Now we talk about what do you do for fun, okay? If you guys can't answer this in a fun and interesting way, I can help you. You should know by now that it's a three-part answer.

20:12 You say something totally silly and stupid. If she grooved and she jived with that ass model thing or the funeral hugger thing, if she laughed and she liked it, then do it again. She's like, what do you do for fun? You'd be like, you know what? It's really crazy. I don't really want anybody to know about it. As you look around. I actually mastered night hearing about two weeks ago, so it's incredible. I just go out at night and I listen to things because I couldn't hear at night for so many years, but I finally got it.

20:36 I got night hearing. No, real talk. I actually really enjoy surfing. It was funny. The other day, my buddy and I were surfing and he's going down the wave. I was paddling back out and he hit something and he flew off his board. Well, he comes up and he's like, dude, I hit a shark. I hit a shark and he's yelling. I was really scared, but he's my best friend. So I paddle out to him like as I'm peeing myself, grab him. We go back inside and he swears to this day that he hit a shark.

21:11 So I want to ask you the same thing. What do you do for fun? You see how I did that, boy? She asked me a question. I answered it with a three-part answer to review. The three-part answer is something funny, then the truth, and then a story. And the story must embed high-value traits, ambition, confidence, being brave, like me going to save my friend. But at the same time, if it comes off as arrogant, you have to throw in some self-deprecating stuff. Like I said, I was peeing on myself, but my friend was out there, so I had to go get him.

21:42 Then you ask her the same thing. So what do you do for fun? Outside, of course, stealing money from people's cars when they bring it into the tow yard. And she's like, ha, ha, ha. No, I do this, that, and the third. Literally, boys, those two things, what do you do? What do you do for fun? That will encompass about the entire time together. And then whether they have a format where it's like, write down the person you like and ask for their phone number, or you just ask for it there.

22:05 The best way to ask for a phone number is, hey, you know what? I enjoy talking to you. How would you feel about tossing me your number? Hey, you know what? I enjoy talking to you. How would you feel about tossing me your number? Other questions that might come up, where are you from? The way I like to answer this is, have you ever seen that show, The Office? And she's like, yeah, of course. And then I'll say, you know how they filmed that in Scranton, Pennsylvania?

22:26 And then she'll say, yeah, are you from Scranton, Pennsylvania? And you'll say, no, I'm not from anywhere near there. I actually grew up in Newport Beach, California, completely across the country. So it's kind of funny that you say, you know this place where XYZ thing happened? Yeah, I know that place. Yeah, I'm from nowhere near there. I actually grew up here. Other questions I've been asked is, why don't you have a girlfriend? You guys should know this. For those of you who have listened to my content, you always say that it's because I'm a really bad kisser.

22:53 I do the helicopter tongue maneuver, the jackhammer tongue maneuver, and that's why I know girls like me. Then you say, no, real talk, I just haven't met somebody I really jive with yet. I'm not willing to settle for mediocrity. I really think she's out there, so I'm honestly doing everything I can to meet her. And then you say, I want to ask you the same thing. Why don't you have a boyfriend? Wait, wait, I bet it's because you're a bad kisser too, aren't you? We're in the bad kissers club.

23:16 Then she'll say something like, no, it's the same reason, just haven't met somebody. Or if she's horrible at this, she'll be like, well, my ex-boyfriend, da, da, da, da, da. And then she'll start complaining about him, to which you need to plow through that kind of conversational unintelligence and change subjects very quickly. So to reiterate, gentlemen, you're going to start by sitting down and kind of pointing out how it's funny that you're at a speed dating event. I never thought he would come to this. I can't believe I've come to this level where I'm doing this.

23:45 How about you? How'd you get pulled here? Oh, my friend brought me. Yeah, me too. Let's make this as painless on each other as possible. And she'll laugh and agree. And then you say, so what do you do? Let me guess, let me guess. Then you say ice cream man or water bottle squirter or something that you can tease her with. She says what she does. You do those things that I talked about, either saying how she takes revenge on people or what would you do if you had no chance of failure.

24:08 She asks you the same thing. You say that you're a water bottle squirter, a funeral hugger, an almond milker. You're an ass model. You pick up penguins at the zoo or you're a sex doll tester, which honestly is my favorite one lately. Then you say the truth and then you say a story that shows confidence, ambition, drive, and passion. Then you ask her what she does for fun. She's going to answer it in a boring way. You can encourage her to tell a story so that you're actually interested in her.

24:35 Then she's going to ask you the same thing. Now, finally, boys, before you go for the phone number, there's something else I want you to try to do. I want you to try to qualify her. For those of you who have been listening for a long time, you know what this is. Qualifying is making her work for you. But for those of you who are new, and I suspect there's a lot of you listening because this is a unique title, and I always get lots of new listeners with unique titles, you want to ask her to sell herself to you because it's going to make her more attracted to you.

25:03 And that question is, what would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you? Now, I have many of these, all of which, of course, I share in my program, but that's a simple one that I like to share on the podcast because it's easy to remember, it works really well, and it doesn't feel arrogant to her because you're asking what her best friend thinks about her, not why she's awesome or what she thinks about herself or why are you great. It's something I will say sometimes, but the easy one is, so Kelly, before we wrap up, we obviously only have like a minute left.

25:32 What would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you? Then she explains it. Now, what's happening is called cognitive dissonance. She's getting more attracted to you because she's explaining herself to you. Then at the end, you wrap it up by saying, hey, I really enjoyed talking to you. How would you feel about tossing me your number? Okay, you're going to get a phone number, boys. You're going to get a number from every single chick. Then you text who you want to text. And the first text, I always go back to the ice cream man reference.

25:57 Almost every conversation, I'm accusing girls of being an ice cream man and a competitive ass model studying the nature of the Alaskan hippopotamus. Like I just accuse them of the randomest shit. And then my text always refers back to that. In the case of the ice cream man one, I always say, so, hey, I saw an ice cream truck going 150 miles per hour down the 25 freeway. I know you're late for the ice cream man convention, but relax. You're going to kill somebody. And the reason why I say that is because it's funny.

26:23 It gives her a good chance to come back with some banter. And it tells her who I am with saying, hey, it's Mark. I met you at the elbow room, that speed dating event. Do you remember me? Like, do you want to go on a date with me? Because I kind of have a crush on you. Fuck all that. Be funny. Referencing back a high point in your conversation. It's on like that, boys. So easy. And this, by the way, is how we do first conversations too.

26:46 But we mix in a lot of other stuff that you simply won't have time to do on the speed dating event. So the speed dating event is all based around get to know you kind of stuff. And you're going through these detraction building triggers in a systematic way. She's definitely giving you her phone number. Gentlemen, as a reminder, I am looking for a writer, but only a writer who is willing to exchange his services for my program. Also, on Monday, I have a gigantic announcement. So please come back for that one.

27:13 I appreciate you guys listening. Go Crush that speed dating event. And I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.