The #1 Mindset Secret of Highly Successful People

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. If you've been listening for a long time, you know what to do. That's right. Smack yourself on the ass. You are a goddamn champion. And if you're new to the show, welcome. What I try to do is give the best information in the shortest amount of time possible.

0:36 And today, we are going to talk about a mindset shift that is probably one of the most important decisions you ever make in your life. And a lot of us are so unbelievably unconscious when it comes to this shift, when it comes to this way of thinking, that we're actually shooting ourselves in the foot without even realizing it. So this was a big problem for me, and it was a huge epiphany when I finally realized what I was doing to myself by thinking this way, what I was doing to my success, not only with women, but also success with money, happiness, peace, everything that we're all trying to go for.

1:10 We're constantly shooting ourselves in the foot, preventing ourselves from getting what we really want. And this is why, guys, 75% of people are overweight, 80-plus percent of people are unhappy, 80-plus percent of people are in debt, and unfortunately, they're doing something to themselves that they don't even realize is happening. Now, I've touched on a few of these points in previous episodes, but I want to consolidate it into one point here, which is the way you think. And more specifically, the way we complain about things, not only ourselves, but other people, society, circumstances, weather, anything.

1:49 The big point here is if you're complaining about anything, what you focus on expands. So when you complain about something, when you talk shit about people, when you do anything negative in any way whatsoever, it is going to come back to hit you in the face. It is the quintessential rule of karma, or if you like, what comes around goes around, or if you like, cause and effect. When you put that negativity out there, even if it's not about yourself, you can think amazing things about yourself.

2:18 But if you put negativity out there about others, about situations, it's going to come back, cause and effect, to hit you in the face. Now, this was a major, major problem for me, because I come from a family that, on my father's side at least, not my mother's side, but my father's side is very, very negative. Quick, interesting history about my family is my father's side of the family went to Newport Beach, California in 1938, and they bought an arcade, and some of you guys might know the location, that's called Balboa Island in Newport Beach.

2:50 Well, they did this in 1938, and because they had no money, they had to live on the sand in Newport Beach, which is interesting, because back then, it was a place where poor people would live, but today, it's a place where million dollar homes are. But back then, they had to live on the sand, because they couldn't afford anything else. So my dad literally grew up on the sand in Newport Beach. They owned Playland Arcade, which was in Balboa Island, and they became quite wealthy because of this.

3:18 But despite that, they were the most negative people, especially my grandmother. Always cynical, always negative, and she handed that to my uncle. Now, at one point, my father decided not to go down that path, and he said, you know what, I'm not going to take on this mentality, because it just leads to negativity. It's a rule, guys. Negativity always leads to negativity. And I remember when my grandma was quite old, you know, she had a lot of money, and she was going to give us an inheritance.

3:47 And as some of you might know, I gave part of that inheritance to my best friend, and a whole long story, but she was so bitter. She was so bitter, and I would call her, and I'd be like, hey, what's up, Grandma? It's Mark. And she'd be like, yeah, so? And she was bitter about me not calling her enough, me not being there for her enough. And she was miserable. She was absolutely miserable, even though she had this wonderful life, this successful business, two beautiful kids, could have had a great relationship with her husband had she not been so negative, but she died unhappy.

4:18 And that really, really affects me, because I naturally want to be negative, too. The first thing I feel is cynicism. The default program that I go to until I took a real conscious effort to reprogram my brain is cynicism. And why? It's because I picked it up from that side of my family. Now, fortunately, my dad was way more positive than my grandparents were, although he died when I was 10 years old. But I still took on that in a major way. And because of that, in my 20s, I was absolutely miserable.

4:49 I mean, I've told you guys this before. Suicidal anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia. And it's because I was constantly cynical, constantly complaining, constantly with a woes me, victim mentality. Oh, my life is so hard. Oh, I have it so shitty. And a lot of us suffer from that. And you know, I'm going to be honest with you, I still feel that wanting to creep up inside me from time to time. But because I've worked on this so thoroughly, and because I've put so much effort into this, I don't buy into it anymore.

5:21 In fact, I know that it's poison. It is literally toxicity that exists in your brain. Complaining about others, complaining about the weather, complaining about your situation, complaining that fill in the blank. When you do that, you are literally sealing your fate to have a miserable existence. So what's the secret here? The secret, and it's difficult, but it's possible, is to stop fucking complaining. Stop griping. Stop having a victim mentality. Appreciating and focusing on those things that are good in your life. And even when something quote unquote goes wrong, it's the age old adage, if I fail, I learn.

6:00 And something as annoying as what just happened to me literally 10 minutes before I filmed this podcast, my bird flew out of this cage, flew into my bedroom, landed on my pillow, and took a big old shit on my pillow. And I was like, you motherfucker. And I was super pissed off. And I was like, oh my God, the one place you're going to poop on my pillow. Bro, why don't I hold your leg up while you do it? Because there's nothing more insulting than shitting on a man's pillow.

6:27 You know, despite that horrible situation to which there's almost no positive that can come from it, you just have to choose the positive. And this is discipline, is choosing to look at things in a positive light. Well, that pillowcase needed to be washed anyway, and I'm going to bleach the shit out of it and wash it. It needed to happen anyway. Cool. And that caused me to do other laundry. So now I'm getting laundry done while I'm filming this podcast. And it's as simple as that.

6:52 You know, we all put our pants on one leg at a time. Everybody's going through this shit on a day-to-day basis. I still have to empty the dishwasher. I still have to floss my teeth. I still have to do things I don't want to do. But you just have to make yourself look at the positive and don't dwell on those negative things that happen. It's a windy day today. And I was planning on going to shoot my bow and arrow. Well, I can't. Well, that's okay.

7:14 I'm going to go do some other errands and get some other shit done. Look, I'm filming this podcast while Marissa and the baby are somewhere else. Perfect. It worked to my advantage. So you always have to reframe things and you have to take control of that very strong desire to complain. Now, where does that desire come from? It comes from the ego. Your ego wants to feel superior to others. Your ego believes that when you complain, you can change the situation, which I discussed several podcasts ago, goes back to our infant belief that when we cry, we get what we want.

7:50 But it simply doesn't work that way, right? Because as we've talked about as well as the law of attraction, what you think about expands. So when you're thinking about these negative things, they are going to come to you. But when you shift it and you focus on the positive, those positive things are going to come to you more and more. Compared to where I was in my 20s, things still go wrong, but bro, not even close to what they used to be. And I still feel I have a lot of work to do where this is concerned.

8:18 You know, I personally get a little bit frustrated with two things. Fat chicks kind of annoy me because there's so many potentially beautiful women out there and it really annoys me when they get fat. And that's something I need to work on. I need to have more compassion and also traffic. Like when I'm driving, someone cuts me off. I'm like always calling people idiots and like, come on, bro. Like fucking get over, man. You're in the left-hand lane and you're driving 65 in a 75. I get irritated with that and I shouldn't, you know, and I still have work to do where this is concerned as I'm sure you do.

8:52 So the first step is to recognize in yourself, you know what? I'm doing this. Mark is right. I really need to monitor what I'm complaining about. And the second step is to begin shifting those thoughts into positive thoughts. And it's hard. It's probably one of the hardest things. And that's why there's so many miserable people is because so many people fail at this. The next time you see somebody who quote unquote isn't happy, is failing, isn't being what they truly could be. I guarantee you on everything that I am and everything that I own, they're having negative thoughts.

9:27 They're complaining about things. It's all in their mind. Those people are happy. Those people are successful. It's a matter of discipline. That's all it is. Just discipline is saying, yo, I'm going to harden the fuck up and control my own thoughts. I'm not going to let this poor me, woes me, victim mentality take over anymore. And that includes complaining about people. That includes hating on people. If anything, here's a big secret of the universe. If you see a guy succeeding and you hate on him, you are just hitting yourself in the face.

10:03 The thing you should do is bless him and say, bro, you're a fucking champion. You're getting it done. You're getting all kinds of girls. You're getting all kinds of money. Maybe he has a body that you want. And this is the first thing we do, don't we? Is we judge the person. We hate on the person. We say, fuck that guy. He's got a perfect body. No, no, no. You got to flip that and bless him and be like, man, congratulations. You don't need to tell him this straight up.

10:26 Just in your heart, send him a silent, good job. Send him a silent fucking smack on the back. Bro, you accomplished something. Now, what happens with the law of attraction, the law of the universe, what you focus on expands. You're going to have situations where you're going to get a better body. Or in the case of rich people, so many of us hate on rich people. But if you want to be rich too, you have to honor those people and congratulate them. When you see a guy driving a Rolls Royce and he has somebody driving him, for example, and he's sitting in the backseat, do you know how many people hate on that guy?

10:59 Oh my God, he gets so much hatred. But if you bless him and say, man, good job, bro. Because I'll tell you, 98% of rich people are good fucking people. Why? Because they figured this out. They figured out when I put hatred out there, when I put negativity out there, it just comes back to bite me. And I mean, some of you guys might be listening and be like, what the hell are you talking about? Rich people are assholes. They're thieves. They're selfish. They're greedy. No. That's what we've been taught, is the vast majority of them are good fucking people.

11:30 I keep meeting millionaires. All these people who keep coming into my life. And they're the greatest people. They just have a positive mindset. They understand this rule. They understand that what you think literally shapes your life. Going further on this point, if you have negative people in your life, you need to start getting rid of those people. You need to start separating yourselves from them. I heard somewhere the analogy that if someone has measles, would you sit there hugging that person and spending time with them?

11:58 No, because you're going to catch the measles too. If you want to get rid of the negativity, you have to cut out those people. And you want to surround yourself with people who have a positive mindset. Maybe even get a coach who has this mentality. And you can join a group of guys who have that mentality so that you can get into the mentality as well. If you put a little fire next to a fire that's burning hot, the little fire is going to grow. Is it going to grow with negativity or is it going to grow with positivity?

12:27 It's like the old Indian adage. You have two wolves inside of you. The wolf you feed is the one who grows. So when you feed that positive, forward-thinking, solution-oriented wolf, he's going to grow and he's going to take control. Then you're going to attract positive situations. You're going to attract harder girls. You're going to attract more money. You're going to attract more happiness because you've consciously taken control of something that so many people are not only afraid to do but too lazy to do and don't have the discipline to do.

12:59 And also, sadly enough, don't know what they should do. A lot of people are ignorant to this. But you're being given the secret right now. What you focus on expands. Another point on this. Successful people are solution-oriented. Unsuccessful people are problem-oriented. What does that mean? That means when a problem happens, your bird takes a big old crap on your pillow, you think of the solution. You don't think of the problem and say, God damn, Jack, why did I let you out of your cage? You're such an asshole.

13:28 Why do you always fly over to my bed and want to crap on my pillow? You don't even focus on that. And if I had to focus on that, I would land on a pillow too. Pretty soft landing. And when he comes out of his cage, the first thing he wants to do is blow a load. Why? So he could probably fly with more aerodynamic speed. So I can't blame the little dude. He just launches out of his cage, wants to fly around, wants to flex up a little bit, lands on a soft pillow, slaps a biscuit.

13:53 I'd probably do the same thing too. But I was solution-oriented. Okay, what does this mean? Clean the damn pillowcase. Bleach it. It's been a while since you did that. Very simple example, but a good one. Because I'm living life just like you guys are. And shitty things happen to me too. But when you switch it in your head, just watch what happens. And now my final point. I have a lot of partners in this space. Marnie Kinris of the Wing Girl Method. John Anthony, Masculine Development.

14:20 Trip Kramer, How to Talk to Girls. And sometimes I read their reviews. Sometimes I read their comments. And let me tell you this. If you have so much hate in your heart that you're actually going to leave a negative review on somebody's page. If you're going to spew hate on a YouTube comment. If you're going to post something of negativity trying to bring that person down. We can say with utmost certainty that the person who does that is suffering to a great deal indeed. Their life probably sucks.

14:47 They're not getting the results they want. And nothing feels better to that kind of energy than trying to bring other people down. It's a low vibrating energy. And all of us want to do it sometimes, don't we? Even me, I was telling you guys in a previous episode, I was listening to this elk hunting podcast. And they literally said nothing for an hour straight. And I wanted to leave a review. Like, get to the fucking point, guys. Come on. But you know what? I held myself from doing that.

15:13 Because I believe if I post negative reviews to other people's shit, negative reviews are going to come to my shit. Haters are going to start listening to my stuff. And inevitably, I'm getting bigger. It's going to happen. There's going to be haters that come out of the woodwork. But you know what I think of those guys? It's like they're suffering, bro. They're really failing in life. They're not getting results with women. You know, they have this victim mentality. Same place I was. And honestly, I have compassion for them.

15:38 I actually feel sorry for them. But at the same time, and we can hold two different dichotomous thoughts in our head at the same time, I think they're a fucking loser. You know? And when Marnie gets bad reviews, like I work with Marnie. We have a course together called Visualization Mastery for Dating Success. Well, sometimes people ask her questions that she doesn't know the answer to. So she forwards them to me. I answer them. Or my assistant answers them. Well, sometimes you get comments like, Marnie, I really wish your voice was different because the way you talk, I can't concentrate.

16:09 Or Marnie, you know, the way you delivered this is horrible. I wish you'd do it differently. It's like, bro, really? You're going to write this woman who's trying to help you, who created a course for you, who puts out tons of great content, and you're going to hate on her about her voice that she literally cannot change. This is why you're not getting success with women. And of course, every time we email them back, we're like, Hey, man, you know, understood. Thanks for your input. Yeah, my voice is a bit nasally sometimes, you know.

16:38 Ha ha ha. Kind of funny. But really, we know that that dude is suffering. And the reason he's not getting these women is because of that kind of mentality. Spew out hate. Spew out hate. Because he has the unconscious belief that when he hates on somebody, it's somehow going to give him what he wants. Or he wants to feel better than the teacher. Right? So when we're in our egos, and we insult the coach, or we give advice to the coach, or we leave a bad review, we feel like we're superior to that coach.

17:08 And it gives us a shot of superiority, which makes us feel good for a very limited amount of time. And then we just go back to being miserable again. And we attract to ourselves 10 times the amount of hatred that we spewed out there. And that's why I literally feel bad for people who spew hate on people's YouTube comments. Because when they spew that out, man, it's like a boomerang, bro. They throw the hatred out there. It's building up momentum, building up speed. And they're going to get cracked in the fucking neck in a week, two months, whatever it is, with some kind of really negative thing that comes back to them.

17:41 So listen, I've had the inclination, too, to leave hatred. Because like I've admitted to you guys, that's kind of like the default that my brain wants to go to. I've reprogrammed it so that it's not as strong as it used to be. But I always prevent myself from doing it because I know negativity only equals negativity. So as you guys continue on your journey, first of all, you need to control the thoughts in your own head about yourself. Okay? That's the most important first step. And it's a difficult first step.

18:12 But you have to do it. Next step is to stop complaining about other people. Stop complaining about situations. Stop having any kind of victim mentality whatsoever. And when the bad things happen, which they will, you have to have the discipline to, forgive my use of this stupid analogy, but it's so true, view the cup as half full. And that's one of the most important decisions you're ever going to make is attitude is everything. Are you seeing the cup is half full or half empty? I'll tell you.

18:43 I'll tell you this. Those who are successful, not only with women, but also money and also happiness, see that cup as half full. They don't complain about things. They let go of shit. They definitely do not spew hatred, leave negative comments, be a hater online because they want to make themselves feel better. No, they're always in a positive mentality. They're always trying to help others. And when you help others, when you put love out there, you help yourself. That's law. That's how it works. That's what I want you guys to do from here forward.

19:16 All right, guys, that's it for me in this podcast. I do appreciate you listening. If you found any value whatsoever in my podcast, I would very much appreciate a review. Reviews are how the podcast ranks. I want more people to hear this positive message. So if you found value in that and you want to help me out, I'd very much appreciate that. I know in iTunes, it's a little bit difficult to find it, but if you just scroll all the way to the bottom, you can see how to leave a review.

19:39 And preferably if you put some words behind it, if you say some things that you got from this podcast, I'd appreciate it. Email me at CoachMarkSingh and I'll send you three programs. First of all is The Conversation Sniper, 150 Deadly One-Liners for Building Attraction. Next is Three Texts to Build Attraction in Women, Impress Your Friends, Baffle Your Enemies. And the third one will be Guide to the Female Orgasm, Make Her Look Like a Screaming Demon That Just Got Hit With a Tornado. All right, guys, once again, I appreciate you.

20:10 I send out love to all of you. I look forward to seeing you in the next podcast. I have a really good one coming up on Wednesday. So I will see you in the next episode. Bye-bye. We'll see you next time.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.