How to Attract Girls with "Congruence of Intent"

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Unapologetic Man Podcast. I really do appreciate it. Hope you guys had a great 4th of July, and even if you don't live in the United States, I still hope you had a great 4th of July, because it still was the 4th of July, technically. But here in the U.S., man, we celebrate by blowing shit up.

0:35 And it was a great weekend for me, personally. If you want to check out a little scene from the war zone that we created, check out my Instagram at CoachMarkSing on Instagram. I put up a video about a little firework display that kind of went wrong. I got hit with some shrapnel, which was freaking awesome. But anyway, it was a great 4th of July, and I hope it was great for you guys, too. So anyway, this podcast is about something called congruence. Now, congruence is just as it sounds.

1:05 Congruence means that you are congruent with your actions and your thoughts. So what's going on inside your head is realistically communicated on the outside. Now, the big problem with many guys who get into this game is they have to fake it until they make it, as we say. They try to act confident. They try to act cool. They try to act like they don't care. They try to act like all the things that I talk about. And in so doing, women can feel that they're incongruent.

1:37 They see that their actions are different from what's going on inside their brains, and they're going to call you out on it. So when you're incongruent, when it doesn't seem right, they're going to do what are called shit tests. They're going to say mean things to you. They're going to challenge you. They're going to see if indeed you are a confident guy or if you're just acting that way. And this goes down to a survival mechanism, doesn't it? Back in the day, a woman had to test to see if a guy was truly congruent with being a confident man or if he was just faking it.

2:08 Why? Because if he wasn't a confident man, then he had a lesser chance of survival and thus passing on genes to her children of survivability. So she would test him, and if he didn't pass those tests, then she would nix him. So what happens is guys go out, and when we all start, we all do this. It's just an inevitable part of learning to get good with women, and I did it too. We go out, and we're very incongruent. So we try to act cool. We try to act like we don't care.

2:36 We try to act like what I said in the past podcast, which was I'm dating five girls. I don't care what you do. But really deep inside, she can tell that you do care, and because of that, we lose her attraction. So what's the answer to this? Well, in this podcast, I'm going to go over what the answer is to this so that when you guys go out, even if you're incongruent, you're going to still get good results because we're going to change what it is we're trying to get.

3:00 So the first point of this is this, is that a lot of guys who hire me, or a lot of you guys that are listening to this podcast, you don't really have a deep appreciation and love for women. You just want to get laid. You just want to have sex, and frankly, you're a little bit pissed off at women. Now, I get it. Dude, I was that way too. I was bitter at women. I hated them. I got screwed over a lot of times. My first girlfriend cheated on me, my first love.

3:27 So I know, I understand what it is, and you get very bitter. Well, the thing is this, is that women can pick up on the fact that you're bitter towards them, and even though you're trying to act cool, and you don't care, and you're a great guy, that mix that I was talking about in the previous podcast, they can kind of sense that you don't really appreciate them. You don't really like them. You just want their sex. And a lot of guys will come to me and be like, man, it's just like, I cannot get sex.

3:55 And I'm like, why? And they're like, I don't know. And I'm like, I'll tell you why. It's because that's what you want. That's what you're really going for. And you're incongruent. You're pretending like you don't want it. You're pretending like you really like her. But the truth is, you don't like her. She annoys you. All you want to do is get her sex. So this is a really bad predicament for you to be in. And if you're in this predicament, this is what I suggest you do.

4:20 The most important thing we can do when dealing with women is have integrity. Now, when I say integrity, I mean integrity of action. Having a sincere desire to leave her better than when we found her. So when you go into an interaction with a woman, you should genuinely feel in your heart that you're going up to give her something valuable. Whether it's good conversation, your energy, a good exchange, even seducing a woman, if it's positive for her and she enjoyed it, you're leaving her better than when you first met her.

4:54 So what we have there is integrity of action. We have integrity inside ourselves. We're not just using her. We're not going up to her with the vibe where we're like, okay, I'm going to pretend to be this great guy who's going to pretend to give her a great experience, pretend to give her value, or suffer through the phases of giving her value, just so I can get laid. No. Instead, we shift it and we say, look, I genuinely want to leave this person, this human being, this soul, better than when I found them.

5:21 And I'm going to do that by using the methods that we discussed because, hell, that's what works. But I'm not going to do it with malevolence in my heart. I'm not going to try to use her. I'm not going to try to fuck her over. I'm going to try to make her life better in any way that I can. Even if it just means educating on her on some of the things that we talk about, right, on self-development, on becoming more confident, whatever it may be, when you go into the interaction congruent with your intention that I'm going to make this girl's life better, then here it is right here.

5:53 You're not necessarily confident in yourself. You're confident in your intentions. Therefore, you have confidence. So I want to say that again. A lot of you guys aren't confident yet. Okay? You're still working on yourself. You're still going through this process. But you don't need to be confident. If you're confident in your integrity and confident in your intention to give her something great, that's going to better her day. Now, going back a couple episodes, I talked about opening and ejecting, right? If you didn't hear it, what I suggest is you walk up to a woman.

6:26 You simply ask her for directions. You ask her what time it is. You ask her opinion on something or you make a comment, a compliment, and you leave. Now, in doing that, we want to give her good energy. We want to be in a better energetic state than she is when we first approach her. Well, when we do that, we're giving her something valuable. We're giving her the equivalent of walking up and giving her $100 because every woman wants to be in a better state. So you can have confidence in your intention.

6:56 You don't necessarily need to have confidence in yourself just yet. You see what I'm saying? Now, obviously, having confidence in yourself, knowing that you're a champion, and having confidence in your intention, and having integrity, meaning that you're congruent with the fact that you want to make her day better, you want to leave her better than when you found her. You're going to act perfect, and you're going to get her attracted. There's no manipulation there. See, a creepy guy is creepy because he's acting one way, but he's putting off a vibe of a different way.

7:29 He's slimy. He wants to get into her pants. It's very freaking clear. But he's like trying to fly under the radar or try to be something that he's not. That's just simply incongruent. When you have integrity in yourself, and you say to yourself, I want to leave this person better than when I found them, okay? And that goes back to just doing the right thing, quote unquote, doing the right thing. How do we know it's the right thing? Well, here it is. When you do an action that causes other people peace or causes other people to be better than before they met you, that's the right action.

8:01 When you do an action that causes people to be less than before they met you or cause them suffering, then that's the wrong action. So when we go into these interactions with women, we have that basic integrity. And why do we have that integrity? Because we're improving ourselves as men. You know, a lot of you guys get into this pickup space because, let's be honest, you just want to get your dick wet. You want to get girls. You want sex. You know, you want that porn experience.

8:29 I get it. But the guys who get success in this realm really get into self-development every single time. You'll get some remedial success by using the pickup lines, by doing some frame control, all the stuff I talk about. You'll get some success. But the guys who get really good and the guys who meet a woman who's worthy of marrying, who's worthy of having a kid with, who's worthy of spending the rest of their lives with, these are the guys who get obsessed with self-development. When you get obsessed with self-development, there's no way around it.

8:59 It starts with integrity. And it starts with that which creates peace and that which creates suffering. And you make your decisions based on that. So now suddenly, when you're a man of integrity, everything has to go through the filter of that integrity, including women, right? And this is part of the reason that I wouldn't date and have sex with a bunch of girls at once and lie to them. I did a podcast on that a long time ago. But that's part of the reason. It's because I need to be integral within myself.

9:29 I need to be able to look myself in the mirror and say, dude, I'm a good guy. Okay, yeah, I'm talking to lots of girls. I have lots of options. I'm not to be fucked with. I still hold true to what I said in my previous podcast. But at the same time, I don't have cruel intentions. I want to take this girl on an experience that she's never going to forget. And when she looks back on me, she's going to be like, God damn, there was a fucking champion.

9:53 Like we want to leave girls wishing they were still with us. We want to leave girls thinking about us as the epitome of what they want for their future husband if we don't choose them. So in self-development, you become that guy. Now, once again, when you're becoming that guy, your intentions become clear and you can be confident in those intentions. So you're confident in the fact that you're listening to this podcast 12 minutes in or whatever it is and you're still sticking with it and you're contemplating what I'm telling you.

10:26 You're confident in the fact that you're working on yourself, doing the self-work, reading the books, trying to better yourself. If you don't necessarily love yourself yet, if you don't necessarily think you're a girl magnet, if you're not confident in your penis or your sex or whatever it is about yourself that you don't like, that isn't really necessary. What's necessary is congruence with your intention, having the integrity to know I'm going to leave her better than where I found her. Now, a couple points on what are called shit tests or in my coaching, I call them frame checks.

11:03 Okay, so congruence means, once again, that your outside actions are congruent with your inside thoughts. So if there's a sense of incongruence, you're acting confident, you're acting like you don't care, when in fact you really do care, and that's a tough calibration to get right. I tell you guys all the time, don't care, what would I do if I was dating five girls? Okay, I get it. If the girl's really hot and she's just smoking and she's so your type and she's super feminine and super sweet and you're like, God, I really want that Jessica, right?

11:31 I get it, dude. You're not going to always be able to act congruent with how you should act, which is outcome independent, you don't care what happens, you're charismatic, but it's like if she drops you, you don't give a shit, right? That's how you should act. But maybe you don't always act that way because, let's be honest, you really want her. Well, if you have a genuine intention to do right to that girl, treat her right. Now, once again, not supplicating, but when you have that general intention, it's going to go better for you, but she still might shit test you because there's a little bit of incongruence there.

12:04 So a shit test is when she says mean things to you. Why are you wearing that shirt? Why don't you have a girlfriend? Is that one of your pickup lines? Is this what you say to all the girls? Why are you so spazzy? Like any of those kinds of things, if you haven't listened to my previous podcasts, which you should do about frame control specifically, there are certain ways to pass those tests. Now, the way to pass those tests is based on the fundamental principle of congruence, being congruent with your inside thoughts and your outside behaviors.

12:36 So if I'm congruent within myself, I'm feeling very confident in myself, I approve of me, I'm internally validated. And she says to me, is that one of your pickup lines? Am I going to explain myself to her and try to convince her that it isn't? Or am I going to flip the tables in a certain way and make it that you do? You can't make me buy into your frame and basically tell her in a non-aggressive way. Once again, integrity. I'm not trying to get in a fight with her because I have integrity.

13:08 I'm making her life better. But I have to use certain verbal judo in order to take her through this experience. One of those things is frame control. She says, is that what you say to all the girls? What I always say is the real question is, is that what you say to all the guys? Is that one of your pickup lines? Now, what's that? What's that communicator? That communicates that this dude is confident. So confident, in fact, that he's congruent with it. And he's willing to throw the shit back in my face by being funny, disagreeable, is what I call it.

13:38 Funny, disagreeable. Being funny and disagreeable at the same time, flipping the tables on me, then blah, she gets attracted. Another question a girl will ask you is, is this what you say to all the girls? Now, once again, you're congruent within yourself, so you don't get butthurt about what she said. Furthermore, you want to take her on a good experience, but you understand that you have to use verbal judo in order to turn the corner so that you can beat her little challenge, but at the same time not get in a fight with her and not hurt her feelings.

14:07 So we do another thing called agree and amplify. Yes, I say this to all the girls. I say it every day of the week and twice on Sunday. I even said it to my grandma the other day. It was a little bit weird. And then she laughs. She has a good experience. She sees that you're congruent. She sees that you have integrity. She sees that you care about yourself and you're not going to stand for being frame checked. And you're not going to buy into other people's frame because you believe in yourself so much that your frame is ensconced.

14:36 It's a titanium frame that cannot be moved and that is reflected in your congruence. Okay, so to recap, guys, I want to express to you how important it is to go into these interactions with women with integrity. And the fundamental principle is I want to leave this girl in a better state. I want to leave her a better person. I want to teach her something. I want to be an inspiration for her. See, when I go up to a girl, I feel that I'm actually giving her something very valuable.

15:09 And what's that? It's me. So when I go up to her, it's very much communicated like, hey, I feel good about myself. I'm confident. And look, I'm about to give you a great experience. I'm about to make you laugh. I'm about to give you good energy. So I'm very congruent. And because I'm congruent, by the way, I don't get shit tests that much anymore, unfortunately, because I love getting shit tests because I love passing the tests with my phrases and all the things I've used. But I don't get it a lot because I'm so unbelievably congruent within myself.

15:41 Now, once again, when you're not congruent, that's okay because you're going to be congruent with confidence in your intent. And that's the main point of this. So girls are going to test you, but you need to know that when they test you, it's because they are slightly attracted. They're just not 100% sure. So if they say something mean to you, it's actually a good thing because if they were, like, apathetic towards you, they didn't care and they didn't even test you at all, it means that they're not attracted to you whatsoever.

16:10 Like, would they frame control or try to shit test an 89-year-old man? No, because there's no way whatsoever in her mind that he's sexually viable. But when you are sexually viable, they're going to test your congruence. And the way to pass these tests is to do it with the ways that I explained in previous podcasts. But the fundamental principle is I'm confident with myself, so I'm not going to buy into the frame that you've set up. In fact, I'm going to deflect it in a way that makes you laugh and prove to you that I'm congruent within myself.

16:42 So as long as you guys have good intentions towards women, as long as you truly enjoy their company, enjoy the femininity, enjoy that exchange of energy, and not try to get something from them, not try to, like, be fake so you can get something from them, then you'll be congruent. And as long as you have confidence in your intention, then that confidence will usually be enough to get her attracted to you. And then once you get enough of those experiences, you'll get core confidence, also by working on yourself, continuing to listen to this podcast, maybe get some coaching with me, CoachMarkSingh.com.

17:19 And then you'll start getting core confidence. They're going to work off of each other. It's like a snowball going down a hill. Then you're going to get confidence, congruence, a strong frame, and you'll have the intention of knowing that you're going to better this girl's life. So every time you approach a girl, you're going to feel completely justified to do so, you're going to be congruent within yourself, and you're going to get amazing results. All right, guys, that was my rant for the day. I hope you found some value in it.

17:46 If you did, I would very much appreciate a review. As I've mentioned in previous episodes, reviews help me rank this podcast. And if I've given you any value, the best thing you can do for me to reciprocate that, to give back to me, is to give me a review or even subscribe on any of the channels that you're listening to this to. I know on Spotify you can't give a review, but you can subscribe, so I'd appreciate that as well. If you do any of those things, preferably a review with some writing behind it, a five-star review, you can email me at CoachMarkSingh at gmail.com, and I'll send you a bunch of programs, including The Conversation Sniper, Guide to the Female Orgasm, and Three Texts to Build Massive Attraction in Women.

18:24 So once again, guys, be congruent, be genuine with your intentions towards women, and it's going to go a lot better for you. Thank you again for listening, and I'll see you in the next episode. We'll be back. We'll be back.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.