How to Attract Hotter Girls and Dominate Alpha Males With The Mind Trick of "Letting."

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Welcome to another episode of the UMP. Thank you very much for joining me. If you've been riding with me for a long time, smack yourself on the ass. You're a goddamn champion. If you're new to the show, what I try to do is give the best information in the shortest amount of time possible. And today, we're going to talk about the power of letting when it comes to attracting women as well as dominating other alpha males.

0:42 I got a really good one for you today. This has to do with the all-important concept of frame control. This is another frame control element that's absolutely necessary to your game. So I'm going to give you guys some great info. Stick around until the very end because I got some great things to teach you. Before I jump into that, I wanted to urge all of you to leave me a review. The reviews have slowed down a little bit, and that's because I stopped asking for them.

1:06 And whenever you stop asking for reviews, they stop. You need to urge your listeners, beg your audience to do what you want them to do. So please leave me a review if you find value in this content. Now, don't do it now. See what this episode is all about first. See if it makes the cut. And then you can go ahead and jump over there and do it. I do prefer, obviously, a five-star review. And if you could write something to let other guys know what you found valuable from it, I'd greatly appreciate it.

1:34 Really, that's the best way to help me because reviews basically let me rank in the search results. Other people find the podcast, and then it grows. So if you could do that for me, I'd really, really appreciate it. All right. What is this letting concept all about? What am I talking about here? So to give this a foundation, I want to review quickly what frame control is. So frame control basically means that in a conversation between two people, there's two perceptions of reality. The person who has the stronger sense of reality, the stronger interpretation of what's going on in the conversation, that is to say, very basically said, the person who's leading the conversation is the one who's controlling the quote-unquote frame.

2:17 So you can look at it as a picture frame that's surrounding the conversation. And the person who has the stronger picture frame is the one who gets to define the picture inside of it. Okay. So if you say, I'm cheap because I'm not going to buy you some Taco Bell, and I say you're cheap because you are asking me to buy you Taco Bell, the person who has the stronger frame is the one whose interpretation will be accepted. Now, when it comes to women, the golden rule of frame control is what?

2:47 That's right. You must have a stronger frame than she does. If you don't have a stronger frame than she does, then she will not get attracted to you. So what I teach in my coaching is how to have that stronger frame. There's lots of different ways to develop the frame within yourself, but one of the concepts is called letting, L-E-T-T-I-N-G. And what that basically means is letting other people have the frame. Now, this goes down to deep, deep level frame control science. But basically what it is is this, is that if you're in a situation where there's an alpha male who's really flexing up on you, he's loud, he's boisterous, and it's very clear that he's controlling the frame over you just based on his amount of aggression.

3:30 Well, if you let him have the frame, who's really controlling the frame? You are. So the power of letting is good for those of us who sometimes get intimidated by the alpha male. Or it's good for us who meet other women who are alpha females and who flex their frame up on ours, and I'll discuss that in a second. But first, I want to talk about that AMOG situation. AMOG is alpha male of the group. A lot of my clients write to me and they say, look, I get intimidated by big, muscular, aggressive, silverback kind of alpha male guys.

4:02 And I understand. You know, I do too sometimes. But first and foremost, we have to realize that A of all, the size of the guy doesn't matter. The thing that matters the most is the social ability for you to control the frame or him to control the frame. So I go to the gym all the time and there's huge meatheads in there. I mean, these guys are benching way more than me. They're deadlifting way more than me. They're way bigger than me. Like they could run me over like a steam train if they wanted to.

4:30 But socially, I'm stronger than they are. And I talk to these guys. I make it a point to talk to them to see what their frames are like. And big guys particularly oftentimes really insecure. Why are they big? Because they're insecure. You know, they're insecure about this, that, and the third. So they go to the gym, eat a bunch of protein, get as big as possible to make up for that insecurity. I'm not saying that's true for all guys who lift weights. Definitely not true for all guys who lift weights.

4:54 Nor is it true for all guys who are quote unquote meatheads. But it's a phenomenon that I witness regularly. That oftentimes when I talk to these guys, they have no social ability to control the frame. And oftentimes guys who are flexing up like in the nightclubs, in the bars, in your social group, guys who are really loud and boisterous. The reason why they do it is because they're insecure. Because a guy who really has a strong frame is actually the most calm. When you're not trying to impose your frame on people, you actually are controlling the frame, if that makes sense.

5:27 So the second I see a guy try to flex up, try to be the alpha male, be loud, boisterous, all that stuff, and aggressive, I know already that he has a weak frame and I can control it very easily. And the first way to control it is by this concept of letting. Hey bro, go ahead, I'll let you perform. Now, think about the king sitting back in his chair in the court jester, dancing around, juggling pins, and performing for him. So when you're in a situation where there's a super loud, boisterous, alpha male type, and you're feeling a little bit insecure, I want you to shift it in your own mind and say, well, wait a minute, this guy's performing for me, he's dancing for me, he's putting out more energy, more effort.

6:10 And oftentimes in frame control, to get deep down in the weeds, we talk about the person who's putting in more effort is actually the one who isn't controlling the frame. The person who's putting in less effort, who's being less reactive is the one controlling the frame. So when you let him have the frame, okay, so you're there with a bunch of friends, homeboy comes in, big old Chad dude, right? Big muscular guy, really loud, boisterous, takes over, quote unquote, takes over the situation. Well, when you reframe it and you say, okay, I'm going to let Chad go ahead and dance for me.

6:44 And you might watch him doing his things and then you look at him, you're like, bro, wait, wait, dude, that was hilarious. Do that again, bro, do that again. And then he does it again. Who just controlled the frame? You did. So the way to deal with these AMOG types is not try to out-AMOG them, but in fact, let them do what they're doing and urge them on, compliment them, show that you're being entertained by them. And when you have the connotation that they're dancing for you, they're performing for you, then you are the one in power and women recognize this.

7:18 So in social situations, the woman will oftentimes become attracted to, or at least follow the person with the stronger frame. And I talked about this in a previous podcast where I always think like in my gym, right? There's a bunch of meatheads, a bunch of chicks who want to get checked out. There's this one girl that works out there. It's ridiculous, bro. Like fake tits, fake ass. She just wants attention so bad. It's really funny. And you see all the guys like peeking at her and stuff and she fucking loves it.

7:46 It's funny to me. I love watching social dynamics, social interactions. But anyway, at the gym, you have these big meatheads who are very, very alpha, at least seemingly so. Well, I always think if society collapsed and it was us 40 guys in there, I really believe wholeheartedly in my heart that I would rise to be in the alpha position. Now, would I rise immediately on day one? Probably not. It may take a few days because you're going to get all the chest beaters and the big meathead guys to like flex up first.

8:15 But I guarantee you during that first meeting when meathead number one is arguing with meathead number two. And then I step forward and I'm like, hey, guys, basically what you're both saying here is X, Y, Z. This is what we should do. So why don't you guys relax? Settle down. Let's go ahead and handle it this way. What do you think? Yeah, yeah. That sounds good. Okay. Suddenly, I just went up in the pecking order and I didn't have to out a mog the amogs. I simply had to have a stronger frame than they did.

8:43 And a stronger frame usually comes down to letting people try to out alpha each other, letting them try to flex up on you. And then you're like, hey, bro, like relax. You know, that's something I say to amogs all the time is relax, bro. Settle down. What does that show? That shows that they're exuding a lot of energy. I'm telling them to relax. Therefore, it's showing that I have a calmer position than them. And subconsciously, women as well as men understand that when I'm calmer, I'm actually controlling the frame.

9:14 So that word relax is really powerful because it's showing that I'm calm. I want you to calm down, too. Like I'll say to guys sometimes like, bro, you're getting pretty fired up, bro. Do you need a minute to get over this whole thing? Go ahead and take a minute. I'll wait. Okay. I mean, what does that communicate? That communicates purely that I'm controlling the frame. And I'll do this in front of chicks. When Mr. Amog, big gorilla guy comes in, I might say something like that, right?

9:44 Also, I'm cool with them. Why? Because when you're cool with somebody, you're showing you're unaffected by them. If I were aggressive towards them, even passive aggressive. See, when I say these things, I don't have a passive aggressive tone. I have a tone of a father telling a spazzy kid who maybe went through puberty early and he's really big to calm down. Hey, Jimmy, Jimmy, it's like a bull in the China shop here, buddy. Take it easy. Drop it down a gear. Relax. Right? That's what a father does to a kid who's out of control.

10:16 Well, when you do this to an Amog who's out of control, then you suddenly get the frame. And that's letting, letting him flex up, letting him spaz out, letting him beat his chest and be the quote unquote silverback gorilla. But the real silverback is you because you're calm and laid back. So this letting concept is really, really powerful. Now, we also do this with women. Okay. So with women, you can let a girl have the frame and you're still controlling the frame. So for example, if you guys are out on a date and you guys have plans to go bowling, but she just got her nails done and she says, you know, I'm not really wanting to go bowling because I just got my nails done.

10:57 How would you feel about miniature golf? Can we go play miniature golf? Let's go play miniature golf. And you think about it for a second. You say, you know what? Yeah, let's go ahead and do that. Who is leading that interaction? Seemingly at first blush, it would be her, but you are actually the one leading the interaction because you're the final decision. You're letting her do what she wants. Sometimes girls will argue with you, right? Like you have a theory about something or a point, a viewpoint, whatever it is.

11:25 She has an opposite one and she'll like argue with you. Sometimes I'll say this to chicks. Listen, listen, Kelly, I can see it's really important for you to think that. So go ahead and think it. Okay. That's letting her think it. So therefore I'm controlling the frame. I remember I dated this one girl who had a really strong frame and she had a frame control thing that I stole from her. And she used to say to me, I don't even know what that means. So I would say something and she'd be like, I don't even know what that means.

11:54 And basically she just totally took my frame for me and blew me out of the water. So I had to come up with responses to her and she taught me a lot about frame control. And in fact, I remember the first time I opened her, I had earrings in because I lived in Hawaii. Everybody always has earrings in Hawaii, not like hoop earrings, relax over there, just like studs. So I went up and she's like, oh my God, you're hot, but those fucking earrings. And I was like, listen, I know you're jealous of my earrings, but I got to keep these in.

12:20 You can't wear them right now. And she's like, no, those earrings look ridiculous. Look, I know you're staring at my face. You're kind of obsessed with my earrings. You're getting a little bit fired up about the earrings. Do you want me to like, let you look at them for a minute so you can get over this whole earring thing? And she's like, no, you don't understand. They look absolutely stupid. Why are you wearing them? I'm like, look, I know you're trying to get me undressed systematically right now.

12:44 Get me to take off my earrings. Then you're going to try to get me to take off my shirt, but relax. We're in a nightclub. Everybody be calm. And like, she wouldn't let it go. And she kept throwing it at me. I would reframe it. She'd throw it at me again. I'd reframe it. And I love that chick because she showed me a lot about frame control. Well, with her, I said that thing like, listen, I know you're getting pretty fired up about this. So I'll go ahead and let you think that.

13:09 Yep. Earrings are stupid. I'll go ahead and let you think that. And when I won that frame control battle, she got really attracted to me. Well, when we would hang out, she would try to control the frame a lot. Like she wanted to show me her gymnastic studio. She wanted to take me to the restaurant she likes me to go to. Now at first blush, you think, no, no, no. I can't let her have the power. But that's the whole point of this episode is you can let her have the power.

13:35 And that's the operative word. Let. Did you hear that? You can let her have the power. Yeah, sure. Let's go do this. But the connotation is just like that AMOG dancing in front of you and you watching like the king watching the court jester. The connotation is she's working for you. She's trying to earn your favor. And you're sitting back from the perspective of, okay, yeah, show me what you got. Like when she took me to the gymnastic studio, she did this little perlouette, curly Q, whatever the fuck they're called.

14:05 And I was like, dude, that was awesome. Do that again. Now who's controlling the frame? I am. Even though it seems like she's leading it because we're in her territory, I'm still the one controlling the frame because she's entertaining me. So every time you're in a social situation, ask yourself, who's controlling the frame here? Am I not controlling the frame? And if I'm not, how can I flip things so that I am? Now, once again, we don't want to become frame Nazis. We don't want to be so obsessed with controlling the frame that we look like we're control freaks.

14:35 But when you can slightly switch things and say things in certain ways where the connotation is, is that you're the one actually controlling it, even if they're leading you, you're controlling it because you are like expecting them to lead you. You see how that works? It's such a subtle difference, but it's huge when it comes to attraction. Because once again, I have to repeat this. Women will not get attracted to you unless you're controlling the frame, both on her as well as the other guys in the group.

15:06 I had a client tell me recently, he said, I was asking for a girl's phone number and she said, no, but you can follow me on Instagram. And he's like, Mark, what would you say to that? I would reframe it. Okay. It's a slight deviation. I would say this, listen, I know you want to follow me on Instagram right now, but you have to promise not to DM me more than 200 times in a row because my cell phone overheats and I have enough burns on my leg as it is.

15:32 You agree? And she'd be like, yeah. And I'd be like, okay, here, let's follow each other. So she said, you can follow me. Now, most guys would be like, oh, okay, I'll follow you. She just controlled the frame. So when they say these things, you have to flip it in, in even the subtlest way. Like I just taught you to do there. Like, yeah, I guess we could follow each other. Just no, no DMs after 2 AM. Okay. I get enough of those as it is. Or like, don't, don't turn into stalker, Texas ranger.

15:59 Now, once you see my, once you see my Instagram. So when she said, you can follow me, I misinterpret, which is a big part of frame control. I misinterpret what she says. I take it as, oh, she's trying to follow me. Okay. Yeah, I'll let you follow me. You see how it works. Now, a couple of warnings here. You can come off as arrogant. You can come off as an asshole very easily with this. So I want you to be playful. I want you to be subtle.

16:27 And I want you to be cool about it. Like with AMOGs, right? We can say some things that are a little bit, you know, challenging. And between guys, you can flex up a little bit. But ultimately, the guy who controls the frame is the guy who's really the friendliest and least affected. Because look, if I'm friendly to another alpha male, that means I'm not threatened by him, doesn't it? And that means I'm controlling the frame. But if I get aggressive with him, it means I'm down on his level.

16:55 And I have to butt heads with him like two elk in the woods trying to beat him up so that I can have advantage over him. That's like prehistoric mentality caveman shit. I want to evolve and go to the higher level where, bro, I'm so above you socially. My frame is so much stronger than yours that I'm actually going to be cool to you when you try to blow me out. So a guy will come. I'm talking to a girl. Happens all the fucking time to me.

17:20 Talking to a girl. Guy will come over and be like, hey, that's my girlfriend. And I'll be like, relax, bro. I'm just talking to her, man. She's a cool girl. What's up, man? What's your name? And it's like he comes in with all this energy and anger. And I'm like, relax, dude. I'm just talking to her. It's basically saying, bro, like I'm 200,000 years evolved past you in frame control. You're still in prehistoric times. She sees that. She gets attracted. I've had girls literally give me their phone number just based on that kind of interaction.

17:50 Okay. So this concept of letting is you are always controlling the frame, but you don't always have to control the frame because you're letting other people have the frame. When you let the other person have the frame, you can sit back like the king watching the court jester. When you let the girl have the frame, you want to sit back and let her teach you things, be entertained by it. You are always the one in power, even when you let others have the power. All right, guys.

18:17 That's it for me in this podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. Hope you learned a few important things. If you find value in my content, the best way you can thank me, the best way you can slap me on the ass and tell me I'm a champion is to leave me that review or subscribe or whatever you can do to help me out, even tell a friend about it. But if you leave me a review, email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com and blow, I will send you a bunch of cool shit.

18:42 The Conversation Sniper, three texts to build massive attraction in women and guide to the female orgasm. I'll also slap three videos in there and I will name a beer after you that Vikings will drink before they go into battle. All right, guys. That's it for me. I thank you so much for listening and I'll see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.