How to be a True Silverback Alpha Male

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. I might check a one, two, one, two. I might check a one, two. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me. And today, we are going to talk about how to be a true silverback alpha male. Now, when you first hear that, you're probably thinking that I'm going to tell you, you got to go walking through crowds, hucking people out of the way, dominating, kicking ass, and taking names.

0:33 But actually, it's the opposite, at least in this episode. And everything is in balance. But today, we're going to talk about how to make friendliness your default mode. Because when you do that, you get a lot further in life. And I'm going to talk about why the true alpha male actually makes friendliness actually makes collaboration his default mode. And we're going to get you into that collaborative spirit without being a floor mat, with still being a guy who's not to be fucked with. But we're going to get you in that right calibration, which will make you more successful in life, more successful with women, and more happy about who you are as an unapologetic man.

1:17 Before I get into the content, I want to encourage each of you to jump on over to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com, and grab your free edition of The Approach Formula. This is a book that I put together that teaches you how to approach a woman without rejection, how to get her attracted, and how to grab her phone number. But most importantly, how to do so without fear, and also how to slide under the radar, so that you experience little to no rejection. So what you do is you click on over to my website, and the link can be found in the description below.

1:50 And on the homepage there, there's a little red button. And then you click on that. And then boom, you'll see how to get The Approach Formula, sign up for that. And your book will be delivered through the magic of the email interwebs. If you've already done that, and you haven't followed me on Instagram yet, my Instagram is moving slower than pond water. It's like watching the freaking pyramids get built one freaking stone at a time. One 10,000 pound stone getting lifted up by 10,000 slaves, and it takes 16 days just to install one stone.

2:16 That's how fast my Instagram is building. But as one client said to me today, that's good because I'm building a true foundation of real fans. And I appreciate all you guys who have followed me. You can find me over there at Coach Mark Singh. Once again, that's Coach Mark Singh, or you can click the link in the description below. All right, so let's go ahead and get into the content. Now, this was one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn for myself personally. Because honestly, between you and me, I am not default kind.

2:49 I'm a default asshole. And that goes down to my DNA. My whole family is like that. I also think it has something to do with the fact that I grew up in Southern California, which is asshole central. And I was taught to be an asshole. In fact, I was a king of the assholes. I was such an asshole, I would immediately feel anger as my default mode. And I've learned over the years that you definitely catch more bees with honey. Being a douche canoe the way I was definitely isn't the way to go.

3:16 And I want to talk about some of the epiphanies I had and how I changed myself into a default mode of being a kind, collaborative kind of person. And what I want to talk about first is the silverback gorilla. Now, when you think of the silverback gorilla, you probably think something along the lines of what I explained in the beginning of this episode. It's the gorilla that just goes through the gorilla tribe, tossing fools aside, taking all the girls that he wants and banging them, kicking everyone's ass, taking names and not giving a shit.

3:42 And he's the angry, aggressive alpha male. But you'd be surprised to learn that it's actually quite the opposite of that. In fact, the silverback gorilla, the head alpha is actually the most compassionate. He's the most caring. He's the one that would go over to one of the baby gorillas and take care of him if he injured himself. He's the one who's the conflict resolution manager at his local gorilla tribe. And he's the one who tries to make everybody get along. Because as a leader, it's his duty to make sure that everybody isn't a collaboration.

4:16 And he understands that if he's dominant and aggressive and kicks everyone's ass, they're just going to overthrow him. So he understands that by helping, by having a genuine concern about those below him, he's actually a more successful leader. And there will be more other gorillas who want to keep him in power. So in my own situation, I kind of learned this the hard way, because like I said, I grew up in asshole central, which was Southern California. And I moved to nice people central, which is Northern Colorado.

4:42 And literally guys up here, don't know if you've ever been here, the people are so unbelievably nice. Sometimes you think that as my Australian friend said, they're having a go at you, which means they're trying to trick you and just mess with you. But they're actually just really nice. And most people who grow up here, and it's part of the reason I want my daughter to grow up here, they just have that default kindness. They're kind to other people. They realize you catch more bees with honey.

5:07 And because of that, we have a really good vibe up here. That's why I love to live here is everybody's really kind. So I went hunting the other day, and I drive down this road, and there was a bunch of trucks parked on the road where we were going to go camp. And I thought my friends were. And so I stop and I can't really turn my car around because I'm towing my ATV. So these three hunters come out, they're all from Colorado, and they look like these grisly, typical, stereotypical hunters that you'd see in movies, right?

5:35 And I'm like, Oh, fuck, dude, like these guys look tough. They walk up to my window, they're like, Hey, what's up, man? And I was like, Hey, um, do you know if the guys, my friends are camping here? They're like, No, it's us. You know, we got here a week ago, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, Shit, man, I got to get this turned around. They're like, Oh, we'll help you. So they literally helped me unhitch my trailer, turn it around, help me turn my car around, help me get my trailer back on, and then wave goodbye to me like with one hand on one hip and the other hand waving as they're smiling these big grisly hunting looking guys.

6:00 And that's something I've found about hunters is a lot of them are really fucking cool people. So then I get to my campsite and I'm hunting with guys I've never hunted before. Now, if you're a hunter, you really don't want to give up your secret spots. It's like if you're a surfer and you find a really good wave that's just hidden, nobody knows about it. The last thing you're going to do is tell other people about it. But these guys invited me up having never met me before, welcome me with open arms, save me a campsite like a perfectly flat campsite, which is really hard to find in the Colorado Rockies.

6:31 And they were cool. They like cook for us. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, what's with all the friendliness going on out here? And the true leader of men is the guy who wants to add value to people's lives. He wants to help them, protect them. And that always starts with being friendly. So what I want to suggest to you is to consciously make your default mode friendly. I remember I was such a dick, dude. I remember I was in a Walgreens and this lady comes in and she's on one of those walkers.

6:58 She's obese. She's like barely breathing. She's totally out of breath. And she comes up to the front and I'm standing there ordering my stuff. And I'm feeling all proud of myself because I just went to the gym. I was a total complete asshole. And I turned to her and I'm like, are you all right? Like in a dickish kind of way, right? And the second I said it, I was like, dude, you're a fucking dick, man. Don't do that. And she looks up at me and she smiles and she's like, yeah, I'm just a little bit out of breath.

7:22 I have diabetes. And you know, this is really hard on me to come over here. And man, it just crushed me because she didn't pick up on the fact that I was being a douche. She thought I was genuinely concerned for her, which between you and me, and I'm ashamed to admit this, I wasn't. I was judging her like the douchebag that I was in that moment. And she reacted to me in such a positive way, man, that totally blew me away. So then I said, Hey, do you want help out?

7:48 And you know, I helped her out and I took her to her car and I tried to make up for what you and I both know was a douchebag thing I did, but I really affected me, man. And I realized you cannot go through life with this default aggression, default confrontational. If somebody cuts you off in their car and you're, you're flipping them off. And so many of us have that. And it can be sometimes an effect of being highly masculine because when you're highly masculine, you're highly impatient and you just want shit to get done.

8:19 You just want people to get out of your way. You're kind of judgmental because you're fixing your life. And when you get into self-development, it's easy to feel superiority over other people. Like I did complete asshole over that poor lady with diabetes. And it's very easy to get sucked into that kind of ego ignorance is what I call it. And I suffer with it probably more than any of you. So as we wish others the best, and as we always make friendliness, our default mode, we avoid those common situations that have probably messed you up just as many times as it's messed me up.

8:53 For example, if you're like driving through a parking lot, you're going to a new dentist, right? And then some guy cuts you off. Like he takes your space and you roll down your window and you flip them off. You're like, fucking shmohawk. Why'd you take my space? You idiot. God, you're such an idiot. I can't believe what idiot. And then you go park in a different space and you're like, God, what a moron. And then you go into the dentist office, sign up, wait, then you get taken back.

9:15 And the dude who you yelled at is your dentist, right? It's like classic instant karma. And it's probably happened to all of us. But if instead you were kind and even to the high consciousness level where you're like, well, he's probably late, whatever. It's like, no big deal. You ignore it. The true alpha male is so happy in himself that if somebody cuts him off or somebody does something to him, he like ignores it. And I talked about that in a previous episode where it's like, just ignore people who are assholes.

9:39 They're like, not even in your reality. You're like, shoe fly, don't bother me. So when you're in that higher consciousness level, he cuts you off. You say, whatever you go park. And then when he sees you, he's the douchebag because you did the higher route. You didn't get pissed and get sucked into that negativity. And one of the hardest things we can do with this law in place is to wish others the best and to think to ourselves that strangers are friends you haven't met yet.

10:03 Again, strangers are friends you haven't met yet. Because when you're nice to people, they will almost always be nice back to you. And this includes women, guys. And you've all seen this. Those of you who have been opening and ejecting, you realize, oh, when I'm cool to a girl, she's probably going to be cool to me. So I'm safe to go open women. Because again, my good energy, my good intentions, I'm not trying to take something from her. I'm not trying to get into her panties.

10:29 I'm trying to give her good energy. And because of that, she's going to be cool back to me. And what I'd like to have is a mentality that we're all a team, especially here in the United States. You know, I'm in Colorado, and most of you guys are in the United States too. Some of you guys are in Canada, some in Australia, Great Britain, and throughout the world. Appreciate you listening, by the way, you international listeners. But think about your own countrymen. You know, these are the countrymen that you would fight next to if you guys ever went to war.

10:58 These are the people that have helped build your country. These people are Americans, just like you are Canadians or whatever you are. They're there just like you are. So when you have that collaborative feeling, and you think, man, that guy could be my best friend. That guy could literally be the best friend I've ever had in my life. Yet I'm flipping him off. Well, it's funny, because if he's in the same consciousness as you, and you guys are both flipping each other off, chances are you'd probably get along.

11:25 You'd probably get along pretty well, because you guys are both in that consciousness. And it's interesting too, because we tend to attract to ourselves people who are just like us. And we can take this into the gym as well. I know a lot of guys go into the gym, and they have a very confrontational vibe with people. But the way I try to think about it, again, this is not natural for me. Naturally, I'm a dick. But I try to think about it as everyone here is my friend.

11:52 Everyone here is interested in fitness. Everyone here generally lives in my city. Everyone here was born within a similar timeframe as me, and will die within a similar timeframe as me. At this time and place in the United States, in this small city, in this tiny gym, interested in fitness, we have so much in common, I could probably be best friends with any of these people. Yet, why am I having a confrontational vibe? Because he's bigger than me, or I feel like I'm bigger than him, and I feel insecure about it, and I have to like flex up on him?

12:19 No. When you have the vibe that wherever you go, everybody's your countryman. Everybody's your friend. You can make a best friend out of anybody. Everything changes for you. Everything. Your whole dynamic, the way you interact with people, the way you walk around, that all completely changes, and people pick up on that vibe, and girls will naturally be more attracted to you when you put out that vibe. This is the same in nightclubs. I always imagine myself as the emcee, that I'm responsible for everybody's entertainment. So everybody who comes in there, I always think to myself, okay, this is a collaborative feeling I have between these people.

12:58 Even the AMOGs, even the other guys, even the assholes. I always try to be collaborative first, and when you do that, they really open up to you. So the next time you're one of these situations, you're in the supermarket, you're at the mall, you're at a nightclub, a bar, try to switch it and think everybody here is my friend. Everybody here is looking to party, have a good time, and I'm the emcee. I'm responsible for everybody's good time. When you change that dynamic, you become the silverback, and then people really start to react to you positively because of it.

13:26 When it comes to women, you want to get a girl who you can fit into a canoe without her capsizing it. I get it, and I'm with you on that one. But have you ever thought about what you can do for her? Sure, we're going to run through a lot of women. We're going to date a lot of girls. I teach a lot of techniques to make you guys insanely attractive, and I also teach how to blow girls out, and I also think you should date a lot of girls before you pick your queen.

13:50 Abundance is what you should go for. But as you're doing that, have you ever thought about how you're going to leave this girl? Are you going to leave her worse for wear, or are you going to try to better her life? Are you going to teach her something, inspire her, leave her better than when you met her? You guys all are listening to this stuff because you're into this self-development. A lot of the girls who you meet have no clue about this stuff, most of which that their thoughts affect their reality.

14:16 So as you're dating them, try to mentor them. Because not only does mentoring make you more attractive, it also leaves them better from having met you. I always like to think back to all the girls I dated, and I've been into this self-development stuff for years and years and years, and I always try to leave impressions on them. Be in the present moment. Your thoughts create your reality. Challenges are just making you better. All these lessons that I teach to you guys, I've also taught to women, and I really feel that although I've blown a lot of girls out, I've broken a lot of hearts, I've hurt a lot of women, I've also left them better because of it.

14:51 And that whole breaking hearts thing, it's kind of just part of the process. We get our hearts broken too. Girls get their hearts broken. It's kind of par for the course when you're dating and you're trying to find your queen. But if you can do it with positive intention and not go into it just trying to get into her panties and get some sex, but instead connect with this person, build this person up, leave her better from having met you, and look, if she doesn't make the cut, sorry.

15:18 It's best we part ways, but you don't have to completely destroy her in the process and make her worse for it. That goes into my next point about conflict. It says in the Tao Te Ching, which is one of the most profound spiritual books ever written, that in conflict you should be fair and generous. And I would add to that that you should always put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to discover what their perspective is first. The other day, our cleaning lady came late.

15:46 And because she came late, she messed up the baby's sleeping schedule. Woke up the baby, was vacuuming, and I kind of snapped at her. I was like, look, Anna, you said 1030, you got here at 12. And because you did that, you completely messed up our whole thing. Like I was supposed to do a podcast. Marissa's on calls herself. It totally messed us up. Could you please try to show up on time next time? It's really important to us. And she gets really sad. She's a nice little Mexican lady.

16:11 And she's like, I'm so sorry. There was an accident on I-25 and there was an hour long wait. And I tried to, I tried to text Marissa, but she was on a call. And then afterwards I discovered that she's right. There was an accident. There was an hour delay. And she did text Marissa. So I was an asshole because I assumed that she did something wrong. I assumed she slept in or was a schlep and didn't make it on time. But when you first discover what the person's perspective is, I could have gone up to her and said, yo, Anna, what's going on?

16:39 Why did you get here at 12 rather than 1030? She would have told me what happened. And then I could have been understanding, but instead I was an asshole. So again, trying to see the person's other perspective, trying to figure out what the details are. And I'll tell you this in conflict, it's almost always a misunderstanding. This person thought this thing. You thought this thing. They're hurt because you did this. You're hurt because they did that. But it's a big misunderstanding. 99% of the time, every time Marissa and I have a fight, it's always a misunderstanding.

17:10 So what do we do? We sit down and I say, okay, what were you thinking? What was going on? She's like, I was thinking this. Then I tell her what I was thinking. And we have a collaborative talk about what the miscommunication was. And then we solve what happened between us because we both believe that you should be fair and generous in conflict. There's a verb in the Indian language and forgive me for not knowing what it is, but it's a verb that explains the emotion of being genuinely happy for somebody.

17:37 And what's interesting to me is that such a phrase doesn't exist in the English language. There is the phrase I'm happy for you, but it doesn't have its own word. How is that that we have developed as a society and we don't have a word that explains, bro, I'm genuinely happy for you. Like me with my clients, I genuinely, and I mean this with utmost sincerity, I genuinely want to see them succeed. I will pull them over the finish line, kicking and screaming if that's what it takes.

18:08 But we don't have a verb for that. It's just like, hey, I'm really happy for you. Hey, I'm proud of you. I wish there were better words to explain that. And you look at the Indian culture and I'm talking Indian dot, not feather. You look at the Indian culture. They have that collaborative vibe about them because they're very religious, right? Hinduism is very big over in India. And I think that's derived from it, which is, hey man, I'm genuinely happy for you. I genuinely want to see you succeed.

18:33 And when you're the alpha silverback gorilla, you do want to see people succeed. You want to bring people up to join you at the top. You're not trying to knock people down, which is what so many of us do, including myself by default. But instead, when you're a real alpha, when you're really up there, you want to bring people up, help them out. You're not looking for what's in it for you. You're looking to help them. It's like that Linkin Park lyric that says, uh, the sun doesn't ask the moon to owe it one for its light or something like that.

19:07 And that's kind of the same analogy is like the sun just constantly gives to the moon. It's light. And the sun doesn't say, yo, you owe me one. It just gives, gives, gives. And that's the way we want to be preferably as alpha silverback men. Now with all this said, I do have to say a caveat to this. So you always want to be friendly first. And this is what I've learned. Okay. We always want to do default friendly default benefit of the doubt default understanding.

19:28 Hey, it's cool for so many reasons that I don't have enough time to get into from a frame control perspective, from an alpha male perspective, from the providers, the presider, the protector perspective, it's all alpha based. But after that friendliness has been dealt with, with this respect, we are not a pushover. What we do then is we show them we're not to be fucked with. And I would do this exact thing when I was a bouncer. In the beginning, I used to be a dick immediately.

19:57 I'd just be like, yo, get the fuck out of here. I was confrontational because that's my default mode. But then I learned you catch more bees with honey. So then I started being really cool to people. And I'd be like, Hey, man, uh, you know, you're a little bit drunk, brother. Uh, it's just a liability. So if you wouldn't mind, dude, we just have to ask you to go. Okay. So the first thing I'd say would be cool. I'd be really collaborative. I'd even ask him how his day is going.

20:20 I'd be super friendly, smiling. Hey man, it's cool. Just, just follow me. 90% of the time that would work. But then 10% of the time they would be assholes to me like, fuck you, man. No, I'm not going. And then I'd push it a little further. Listen, man, I understand you want to stay, but you know, once again, it's a liability. So if you could just follow me out, I'd appreciate it. Then if he says, fuck you, I'm not doing it. Then of course we get violent. Listen, you got to fucking go.

20:45 You can either walk out or I'll take you out your decision. Three seconds, three, two, one, right? Like that kind of thing. So always, I learned start with friendly, then go into dick, right? So I let the real mark come out after a couple of sessions. But when I say that, I say that jokingly, because I've been working really hard on this. I've been doing NLP on myself. And what I've discovered is that this is all my family's programming. Like my dad's side of the family, always very confrontational, very negative, very cynical.

21:19 And I got that, but I've consciously realized, dude, this doesn't work. Negativity always and only equals negativity. So we start with a collaboration, positivity. And I've reprogrammed that in my head to a certain amount of success. Was not successful with that lady at Walgreens who had diabetes, but I'm still working on it just like you're working on it. And because of that, my life has gotten so much better. So my final point, listen, brother, you're never going to be perfect. You're never going to be finished, but you're here to add value to the world.

21:50 So when you're on your deathbed, will you look back with regrets or you look back saying, you know what? I did a great job in this life. And I'll tell you, one of the big deciding factors is this. This is what all the spiritual gurus say. This is what all successful people say. Those who have truly reached happiness and enlightenment say, how much did I love? How much positivity did I put out there? How much did I add to this world rather than take away from it?

22:13 Your purpose here is to leave the world better than when you found it. That's called value. And the way to give value, and I'm even talking to myself just as much as I'm talking to you, is to have friendliness, collaboration, compassion, and love as your default mode. When you do that, your life will never be the same again. All right, boys, thank you so much for listening. I do appreciate it. Once again, if you have Instagram, if you could help me out and follow me over there, I do give some pretty funny as well as enlightening advice every single day, Monday through Friday.

22:49 I post different things to say to girls. I post little things of wisdom. Like I said today, the hardest battle you'll ever fight is the one between your two ears. And I think that works beautifully into today's topic. So follow me over there. And once again, if you want to grab your free program, the approach formula based on over 10,000 approaches of me and my team, go on over to coachmarksing.com, click the red button, get your program and be an approach machine, just like your uncle Mark Singh.

23:17 All right, boys, thanks again for listening. And I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.