How to Be The Prize ... The Target ... The Selector in Dating

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What's up guys? Mark Sing here. Thank you for tuning in to another episode. And today we are going to talk about how to be the prize, how to make yourself into the target, how to be the one that makes the final decision. And we are going to do that by establishing your standards. Okay. I was talking to a client today and he said that he went on a date with a girl and he's been getting way more dates lately because we've been working together.

0:42 So he goes on this date with this girl and he realizes pretty quickly that she's not up to standards. She doesn't really have a good personality. She's pretty immature. She doesn't really make the cut. And he's sitting there thinking, God, I'm going to be stuck with this girl for the next hour at least. What the heck am I doing? So I told him, bro, you have to work into your first dates and abort mechanism where you can get the hell out of there within 20 minutes. Because yes, most girls aren't going to make the cut.

1:10 I was going on two to four dates per week when I was at my prime. I was really, really going on many dates. And it quickly occurred to me that, unfortunately, most girls who are attractive are usually in their 20s and most girls who are in their 20s kind of aren't, you know, mentally up to the standards that we hope they are, especially when you get to be a little bit older like me. Now, it's nothing against them, of course, but their sexual marketplace value usually peaks around 25.

1:40 And I don't know if you knew this or not, but your prefrontal cortex, which is the part of your brain responsible for decision making, doesn't even finish developing until a woman is 25 and until a man is 25 too. So oftentimes when we date, you know, 23-year-olds, 24-year-olds, 25-year-olds, they're pretty immature. And frankly, so are we when we're that age. And many times girls aren't going to make the cut. I mean, I know for me, I would say probably 80 to 90% of the girls, I wouldn't try to kiss.

2:09 I wouldn't try to do anything with. I definitely wouldn't try to pull them back to my place because their personalities kind of sucked. And especially with attractive women, you know, they go through their whole lives not having really to develop a good personality because everybody gives them the benefit of the doubt. Everybody gives them, you know, the free pass and doesn't really require them to have a great personality. Once again, nothing against women. It's just kind of the reality of the thing. They've done studies where they showed a teacher pictures of kids and they said, okay, this kid is rowdy, gets really bad grades, is irresponsible, speaks out of turn.

2:48 Can you deal with the kid? Half the time they give the teachers pictures of ugly kids and half the time they give the teachers a picture of a good-looking kid. Well, most of the time, as I'm sure you could guess, when the kid was good-looking, the teacher would say, oh, yeah, I can handle that kid. No problem. We can do it. But when the kid was ugly, they would say, no, I don't want to work with that kid. So it's an unfortunate reality and it's a really big reality that attractive people have it easier in life and especially attractive women.

3:18 Anything above an eight, I mean, her reality is totally different. Then you get into nines and tens. They live in a completely different world, man. I mean, people are flying them out places, giving them free shit, taking them out to expensive dinners. Like, they really have a different kind of reality and unfortunately, they don't usually, you know, develop the greatest personalities. If you can find a girl who is hot and has a great personality, I strongly suggest you hold on to her because they are extremely rare.

3:47 So in this episode, we are going to talk about developing your standards so that when you're going on two, three, four dates a week, you can know immediately whether or not the girl makes the cut and then you can abort mission if she doesn't and end the date before you waste time and money. And by the way, guys, if you're going on dates that cost any more than 20 bucks, you're wasting your money. I mean, think about how expensive that could get, right? Like, let's say you're paying 50 bucks a date.

4:14 You're going on four dates a week. That's 200 bucks a week that you're spending. That's 800 bucks a month. And that's 9,600 a year. That's a lot of money. That's almost $10,000 you're spending. But if you do what I did, which is to go to a cool place that's cheap. What I always used to do was go to, like, a sushi place or a place where they had happy hour. I would always meet girls for happy hour, have a cheap drink or whatever it was. I don't drink, so I'd just get, like, a Diet Coke.

4:43 Let her get a drink. I'd get out for, like, 10 bucks. So I'm going to talk about how to set up the first date and everything like that in subsequent episodes. But in this episode, I want you to consider that, A, you have standards, and, B, you're setting up dates where you can abort mission at the click of 20 minutes, right? It usually takes about 20 minutes to get to know whether or not I have chemistry with a girl. And then if she doesn't make the cut, I'd say goodbye, especially chicks who you meet online.

5:09 I mean, most of the time, you know, they're not going to make the cut. It sucks when they don't look exactly like their pictures, which happens quite often as well. So you want this important mechanism. But your standards, okay? So what are your standards when it comes to women? Does she just have to be hot? Or do you expect more than that? I know for me, when I first started out, it didn't matter. Like, all I cared about was her looks. And then quickly, I figured out, man, a lot of these chicks are a real headache to deal with.

5:37 They're boring. They're immature. They don't have a good personality. Texting them is about as interesting as watching paint dry. And so I started developing standards. Okay, so for me, one of my prime standards is that she has to have a good heart. Another one is she has to be intelligent. And she definitely has to be witty. She has to be able to text with me in a funny way. When I would text with girls and they wouldn't throw back funny stuff to all the gold that I would be throwing her way, I would just drop her.

6:08 And, you know, sometimes I'd say, and I teach this to my clients, it's a risky move, but sometimes it pays off. Sometimes I'd be like, so Kelly, she'd be like, yeah, Mark. And I'd be like, you know what? I found out a great way to fall asleep. You want to know what it is? She's like, what? Texting with you. And then sometimes she'd be like, F you, and then never text me again. But other times she'd be like, oh, I'm so sorry. You know, I'm just not really into texting.

6:31 And I'd be like, all right, we'll check it out. Let's just cut to the chase and set up a date, obviously, since you're not good at texting. But, man, it's like sometimes texting with these girls is like pulling teeth. And I'm sure you guys can relate to that. And I'm going to get into texting in the future as well. That's something that I personally feel, in addition to being charismatic with a girl, is probably my strongest suit. And I can't wait to share with you guys all the secrets I have when it comes to texting.

6:58 So that's coming up as well. Keep listening. I'm going to break out with those episodes soon enough. Okay, so back to standards. All right. So once again, she has to have a good heart. She has to be a genuine girl who has other people's best interests in mind. She has to have a good sense of humor. She has to be intelligent. She has to be able to have good conversation. One of the most important things to me is growth mindset. As you know, I'm super into self-development.

7:27 So I want a girl who's also into self-development. I want a girl who tells the truth, who shows up on time, who's a great conversationalist, and who can banter. Definitely important that we can laugh, have a good time, bust each other's chops without her getting butthurt. And I like a girl who can throw it back at me just as good as I can give it to her. I also look for, and this is a really good tip, I also look for how she treats other people while on our date.

7:56 And by the way, I don't use the word date with chicks, and I would suggest you guys don't use it too. I always use the word hangout because it's less connotation, it's less threatening to them, and it puts less expectations on what you think is going to develop. So I always kind of say, hey, let's hang out on the hangout. I always use that term hangout because it shows that, hey, it's like you haven't even earned a date yet. Like I don't know you. We're just going to hang out and see how it goes.

8:24 So that's something I suggest you duplicate. So when we're on the hangout, I always look to see how she treats the waiter. And I learned this through a CEO. I can't remember who he was, but he would take prospective business partners out to dinner or out to lunch, and he would see how they treat the waiter. Because you can tell a lot about a person's character about how they treat other people. If they're cool to the waiter, which I strongly suggest you do, especially if you're bringing girls to the same place over and over again, you want to be really cool to the waiters.

8:56 Let them know what you're doing so that they don't come and try to blow you out because there are haters out there. People get jealous when you're rocking into the sushi place with a new hot girl on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. You could get some hater that says, hey, it's like, were you the girl that he was with just yesterday? Man, you always have new girls coming in here. What's up with you? And they're going to try to blow you out. So I'm always super cool to the wait staff.

9:20 I want her to be cool to the wait staff. Another thing that's important to me is when the bill comes, I want her to at least reach for her wallet. That shows that she's going to at least pretend to pay, and I find that's really important because it shows she's not cheap. It's not like she's just trying to get a free meal out of me, but she's actually willing to pay for it. And just somebody who I relate with. When you meet somebody, you can tell pretty quickly if you have chemistry with them, and there is something to be said.

9:48 About meeting a girl who you simply click with. You know, today on my coaching call, my client was kind of getting hard on himself because it didn't go well with that girl. And I was like, well, you didn't click with her. I mean, you said from the very beginning she wasn't up to standard. You didn't really like her. So how in the world is that your fault? It's not. Sometimes you just don't relate to people. Other times you just click. And all the games, techniques, gambits, push-pull, code reading, all the stuff I teach, it's like it doesn't even really become necessary when you really, really click with somebody.

10:21 Of course, the general principles of frame control, reactivity, you know, push-pull, 80-100 rule, all the stuff that I teach is important. But oftentimes I would just see if I click with a girl. If I didn't, then again, I would abort mission. All right, let's go over a few more standards. She has to have ambition. She has to be goal-oriented, going after something bigger than just, you know, laying around and smoking pot and playing video games. She has to be close to her family. I want her to speak well of her mom and especially her dad because the way that she relates to her dad is going to show you a lot of how she'll relate to you.

10:59 I definitely don't want a girl who's negative. If she's complaining either about her life or even the weather or even about the waitstaff, that's a big warning sign for me. I want a girl who has a positive mental mindset. I want a girl who has honor for her friends, a girl who's there for her friends and does the right thing. To me, it's a big green light when the girl's really into animals and she loves animals. Marissa, my current girlfriend, obviously has all these traits and a bunch more.

11:31 I mean, in my opinion, she's the greatest woman on earth. I've never met a chick like her before and that's why I snatched her up. But one of the big things about her is she's a vegetarian. Now, she doesn't harsh on me because I eat meat, but the reason she does that is because she doesn't like to see the suffering of animals. Now, between you and me, I'm not going to get into the fact that when you eat wheat and when you eat rice, there's actually more animals killed by the combines that gather up wheat and rice than there is by the animals that are killed through meat eating.

12:00 That'll stay between me and you, but she has good intention. And I really like that. I mean, the chick has a heart of gold. I mean, an absolute heart of gold and that's why I chose her to be the mother of my child. I mean, she's just amazing in every way and that's what you should set your standards to be. Now, obviously, when you go on a first date with a girl, you're not going to be able to see that she checks off all these boxes.

12:22 And sometimes people can surprise you. Sometimes they can seem like they're bad and then with time, as you get to know them better, they get a lot better and you see their true character. So you also have to give space for that and you don't want to be too staunch and nihilistic and like a Nazi about your standards. But if you're the kind of guy who right now is just taking the fact that the girl is hot as enough for you, then you might want to revisit that.

12:48 Because to turn yourself into the prize means that you have standards and you are up there on the pecking order that you can have standards and she has to meet them. And brother, you have to meet her standards too. If she's a great woman, a high quality girl, you need to be a great guy. You need to have all the things that I just explained and more in order to make her cut. And in order to get a high quality girl, which I know is what you want, you have to work on yourself.

13:17 You're obviously doing that. You wouldn't be listening 15 and a half minutes in unless you are working on yourself. But see, that's the thing is that the more you improve yourself, the more you can hold girls to your standards and the more you'll be able to get a girl who actually meets those standards. So here's what I want you to do. Here's your homework. I want you to think about what do you want in a woman? What will you accept and not accept when it comes to a girlfriend?

13:43 When you're on the first hangout, what kinds of questions will you ask to determine the big points for you? Like, does this girl have a good heart, right? So one question I'll ask is like, what's the coolest thing you've ever done for a friend? Or if your friend was, you know, stuck in the middle of the desert at 3 a.m., her car broke down, would you go get her? So what's your dad like? What's your mom like? What's your relationship with your brothers and sisters? Of course, you don't want to turn it into an interview.

14:11 You want to work these in throughout the date, but these are important questions. Another thing to look at is how she talks about her ex-boyfriends. If she talks shit about her ex-boyfriends, says that they're all assholes and she hates all of them and she cheated on all of them and X, Y, Z, that's exactly what she's going to do to you. And if you're a detective, you can pick up on a lot of this stuff and save yourself the headache. Look, I know she's hot. I know that ass is so tight in that little dress she's wearing and you want to get into her panties as soon as possible.

14:44 But at what risk? At what cost? What are you going to sacrifice in order to do that? As you get better and better with women, as you indulge in those kinds of situations and find that they're unfulfilling, your standards are really going to tighten up. When I said at the beginning of this podcast that I would blow out 80% of the girls that I would go on a date with, you may have been shocked by that. Mark, you could have had sex with all these girls. You could have banged all of them.

15:11 Why didn't you do it? It's because it's unfulfilling. It's unfulfilling to have sex with a girl who you don't connect with. The best sex in the world is sex with a woman that you love and a woman who you respect and a woman who is up to your standards. I mean, there's nothing that compares to that. It's the difference between doing drugs and meditation, right? Meditation is the real thing, that ecstasy that you hit when you actually go deep and you spend 40 minutes going deeper and deeper and you get to that ecstasy place.

15:42 That is a million times better than doing drugs. Now, you've probably heard in the past podcast that I don't do drugs. I've never tried anything, but I did try shrooms once. And to me, it was smoke and mirrors. It was having sex with a girl I didn't care about. It was a one-night stand. It was a blowjob in the bathroom. It was unfulfilling in the highest degree. So there you go, guys. You need to have standards. You need to consider yourself the prize. You are the hot chick, not her.

16:11 You are the champion. Why? Because you're working on yourself. Because you're improving yourself. Because you're trying to get better. You're trying to grow. And I'll tell you, hot girls especially, man, it's like so few of them are actually trying to do that, that a lot of them aren't going to make the cut. But eventually, that girl is going to come along. That hot girl who has the great personality, the great moral compass, the virtues, the honor, the integrity, the discipline, the humor, the banter, the texting ability, the sex, and she's fucking banging.

16:43 Are you going to be enough to be able to attract her? Are you going to have the game, the self-development, and the discipline in order to get her? That's the question you need to ask right now. You need to become the hot chick. Now, the great thing about it is it doesn't matter how you look. It's all about inside your head. When you work on the shit that's going on inside your head, when you understand how attraction really works and you develop yourself into a masculine alpha male, you will be able to attract that girl and you will be able to hold her to the standards that you want her to meet.

17:20 All right, guys. That is it for me. Thank you so much for listening. I do appreciate you. You and I are brothers fighting side by side in the trenches. A grenade comes into the trench and you jump on it for me, bro, because we help each other out. You got my back and I got yours, but it's a dud. And I look at you and I'm like, bro, did you seriously just jump on that grenade for me? You're like, yeah, man. I got your back. And I'm like, brother, grenade comes in next time.

17:44 I'm jumping on it for you, dude. So then a grenade comes in. What do I do? I grab that shit and I throw it back because I'm no fucking idiot. I'm not going to jump on a grenade for you. Come on. All right, guys. Once again, thank you so much for listening and I will see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.