How to Be Confident and Be Your Own Hero!

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? Thank you for joining me on another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. And today we're going to talk about how to be your own hero. I got some really good information here. This is something I think about a lot. In fact, I created t-shirts with my own logo on it and it says be your own hero on the back.

0:38 Eventually, I want to get a lot of those printed out and offer them to you guys for sale. But being it, it's COVID-19, my printer shop is closed. But once it opens back up, I'm going to get those made as well as a t-shirt that says never out of the fight. It's a super dope picture. So that'll be coming in due time. But today, let's talk about how to be your own hero. And before I launch into that, I want to talk about NLP coaching. And you know, being your own hero, one of the big things of that is working on yourself.

1:07 When it comes to attracting women, you are the mechanism that dictates the outcome of your life. And I had a really wise coach say to me once, you know, until you're making $250,000 a year, you should invest almost all your investable money into yourself. Because you are the machine that dictates the outcome of your life. You are the mechanism. It's up to you how well you perform. And I can say that pretty much every $100 I've invested into coaching has made me 10 times that amount, has gotten me laid so many damn times, gotten me the hottest of the hot, and it's totally worth it.

1:43 So the next time you're beaten off to some porn, you're on Pornhub, and you're looking at that girl, ask yourself, what if I could get that girl? That girl right there that you're looking at, what if you could get her? And what if it was just working on yourself that dictates you being able to get her? And I'll tell you from experience, that's what it is. You can have her. So the next time you're fantasizing over a girl, think about it. If you were to invest in yourself, you could get that girl.

2:11 And I dare say I could be the guy that would help you. So if you want to check out my coaching offer, if you've been thinking about it, you're like, yeah, maybe I'll do it. My website was just redesigned. Finally, the guy got it up. My designer said he would have it done by last week, but it's finally up today. So if you want to check that out, you can. It's CoachMarkSingh.com. Once again, it's CoachMarkSingh.com, or you can go ahead and click the link in the description.

2:36 I'm looking for go-getters who want to kick some ass, take some names, want to get really good results, have a growth mindset, are ready to really change this part of their life. Basically, successful men with successful attitudes who just haven't yet found success with women. That's kind of like my ideal client, somebody with the right attitude. So if you're that guy, man, I'm really excited to work with you. We're going to get you awesome results. Just look at the testimonials on my page. I mean, we really, really kick some ass, and we do that with NLP mixed in with dating tactics.

3:09 I got you covered. I'm going to teach you everything you need to know, help you along every step of the way, and I'll tell you what, we will get your results. So don't just masturbate to hot chicks. Get one into your bed, and it doesn't matter what you look like, what struggles you've had in the past. We can do it. Literally, it doesn't matter. We're going to actually talk about struggles in this episode. So what do you say? We jump right into it. All right. How to be your own hero.

3:32 You know, we idolize others. We have an idolization culture, but I want you guys to be careful about creating idols for yourself, because not only does everybody have flaws, yes, everybody, but oftentimes the image they present to you is their best image, and you're comparing it to your everyday average image. You know exactly about yourself, but you don't know about your idols. Take me, for example. A lot of guys look up to me, but really, I'm just a normal dude. Like, if you met me in person, you'd be like, oh, he's just a normal guy.

4:04 Yeah, I have flaws. I'm not perfect. I'm not some god in the eyes of my clients. I'm just a normal guy. The only difference is I've been working on seduction and NLP probably for longer than you have, and therefore, I've gotten the results. Or I was born with different opportunities than you were, and if you were to put yourself in my body, you would have the exact same situation that I'm experiencing. You'd have the exact same results, would have the exact same life. So, can you say that one person's better than the other?

4:34 Because if you put you in LeBron James' body, is LeBron James really better than you? No, because you would end up in the exact same situation. We're all born with different situations, with different bodies, with different luck, different everything. So, how can we say that somebody's superior to us or even inferior to us? Look at the bum on the street. Is he really a piece of shit bum who's a lazy asshole who has no ambition and is just a piece of crap to society? No. You don't know that guy's situation.

5:03 He could have been abused as a kid. His dad could have been a drug addict and gave him drugs or alcoholism run rampant in his family, and he wasn't able to persevere past it. We don't know. So, idolizing people is a false belief, as is putting yourself above others. Who is the only person you can compare yourself to in this entire planet? It's yourself. It's yourself yesterday. It's yourself a year ago. So, the only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself. And how do you do that?

5:35 You look at where you were at last year. So, let me ask you, brother. Are you a better version of yourself than you were last year? Are you growing? Are you moving forward? Are you progressing? If you are, then that's something to be proud of. That's something to admire about yourself. And you know what? If you're trying to make improvement, even if you haven't made improvement, like let's say a year ago, you had a better situation somehow, right? Your life situation, quote unquote, was better. And on paper, you were actually a better version of yourself a year ago.

6:07 But see, we can't make that kind of apples to apples comparison because it's different. A calamity befell you. Whether it be some kind of health condition, a girl broke up with you, whatever it may be, as long as you tried your best and you're trying to grow, which I know you're doing because you're listening to a podcast like this one, you can be your own hero. And that's where we base our feelings of success on. We don't base our feelings of success on the result. We base our feelings of success on the effort that we put into it.

6:39 And this changes everything. For example, when you go approach a woman, if you care about her reaction, then you're depending on her to react positively to you, to feel good about the approach. I say base your feelings on whether or not you had the balls to approach her because that's the only thing you can control, isn't it? You can't control her reaction. You can't control if she's attracted to you. So why even try? Base it on the fact that, dude, I had the balls to go talk to her.

7:06 I was just talking to a client about this today. I was like, bro, if you go approach her, that right there is two pats on the back. Good job, brother. And that's all you need. Dude, who cares if you got her phone number? Who cares if you got her attraction? You can't control that. For all you know, she's a lesbian, right? We don't know. So you base it on, did I have the balls to approach her? Yes, I did. Blah, I'm my own hero. What would my hero do in this situation?

7:31 You go talk to her. Whether or not he gets the phone number doesn't matter. It's the heart. It's the courage. It's the action that counts. And that's where we start being our own hero. All right. So how can you get into this quote unquote hero mentality? Well, it's simple. You just act in a way that you can be proud of. You ask yourself, if I were my own hero, how would I behave in this situation? You constantly ask yourself that and then you just do it.

7:58 You just act that way. And if you fail to act that way, if you're approaching the girl and something overcomes you and you turn around, well, better luck next time. Try it again. So your past failures should be motivation for your future successes. So you were born with perfect self-esteem. You were born happy. And the doubts that you have in your head, anything that you are negative about yourself in your head was implanted by other people. Usually parents inadvertently, sometimes teachers, and this is the whole basis of NLP.

8:30 And this is what we do with NLP coaching is we have belief systems that were implanted in our head when we are unable to defend ourselves from it. That becomes part of our programming. And that's the way we act. That's how we believe. It dictates everything, dictates our entire life, but it wasn't even put in there by us. And you know what the truth of beliefs are? They're all fucking illusions. Even the good beliefs are illusions. But here's the difference. The results are real. So whether you believe you're a champion or a loser, it doesn't matter.

9:01 None of those are intrinsically true, are they? Like, you can't have empirical evidence to prove that I'm a champion, and you can't have empirical evidence to prove that I'm a loser. It's all opinion. But you can't have empirical evidence that I make this much money each year, I've had this many hot chicks in my bed, I have this much game. That's real. So being it that your beliefs are just illusions anyway, don't you think it's the smart thing to do to choose beliefs that are conducive to getting you success?

9:30 Because the success is real, the experience is real. So when you're your own hero, you ask yourself, what would I believe? What would the best version of me believe, right? If I were standing next to what God, quote unquote, sculpted as the best version of me, the most ripped, the best looking, the most successful, whatever, the best, best, best version of you, how would he behave? And just behave like that. Just be like, dude, that's my hero. That's the way I'm going to act. And then when you act that way, you start to embody it.

10:02 When you start to embody it, you start to become it. And now you are your own hero. Okay, so let's talk a little bit more about how to choose new beliefs. Okay, so first and foremost, bro, like I work with a lot of great clients, guys who are just freaking warriors, man, hearts of gold. But you know what? These guys go through a lot of struggle. And I'm going to be honest with you. A lot of the clients that I work with are depressed. They have issues.

10:27 They're struggling. They're in a rut. And that may be you too. And maybe that's the reason you're afraid to hire me because you think I only work with like champions and stuff like that. No, dude, like you can be in the worst rut of your life as long as you want to get out of it. And you have the heart and face the challenge with the heart of a warrior. Dude, I want you on my team, man. Let's go do this together because you're the kind of guy who does have the heart of a warrior.

10:50 And I have some clients who are like all down on themselves because they have some medical condition or they have like some low self-esteem. One client in particular has this weird autoimmune disease. And by the way, dude, he got COVID, bro. Like he works in a hospital. He got COVID-19, has an autoimmune disorder. And he told me COVID was like kind of like the flu. He got over it. He's fine. He's back in the bucket. So just wanted to bring that up real quick. I'm trying not to talk about COVID too much because I'm so sick of hearing it as I'm sure you are.

11:20 But that's one thing I wanted to mention. But anyway, he has this autoimmune thing that kind of makes him skinny. And he's like so down on himself. Like I'm not worth it. I'm a piece of shit. I'm like, bro, you're a warrior. Do you know what, like how much hell you've been through and the perseverance that you've shown to get through this? Like you're my hero, man. Like I cannot believe you got through this and he's still keeping his head up. He's still trying. He hired me, you know, he's meeting girls.

11:45 And I'm helping him talk to him. He's getting some success. And like, that's a hero. That's something to be proud of. So like if you have past struggles or you have something about you that you don't like and it's really hurt you, dude, don't focus on the thing that's hurt you or how you're a quote unquote low value because whatever you're short, you're fat, you have some autoimmune disease that makes you skinny. You don't like your jawline. Focus on the fact that I hate to say this, but like you haven't given up.

12:12 You haven't killed yourself yet. And it really, I know that sounds extreme, but in my opinion, like if you're still alive and you're still kicking and you're still trying to get out of your rut and you haven't killed yourself or deteriorated into drugs and alcoholism and like abuse, dude, you're doing pretty fucking good because life is hard, man. And you have the heart of a warrior and that's where you put your pride on the fact that you persevered through the struggle, not the result. That's the big thing in this whole entire podcast is you want to put your feelings of success on the fact that you tried and you worked hard, not the result.

12:50 We can't control the result. I can't control if you like this podcast. I just have to put my heart on the table, try my best and hope that it resonates with you. But you know what? If it doesn't, it's cool. I'm still going to go to bed satisfied. I'm still going to go to bed as my own hero because I'm trying really hard right now. Like I really care about you guys, but I can't control what this does for you. So why even try? Just let it go.

13:14 It's like with the chick. I want her to like me, but I don't need her to like me. And that's the difference. I'm going to put out all my best shit, all my best game. If it works, great. If it doesn't, fucking fine. At least I tried my best and I worked on myself and I did my best. And when you have that detachment from outcome, it usually will work for you, especially in life. All right. So now let's talk about some practical applications of this.

13:40 Okay. So first and foremost, one of the ways to build confidence, which goes directly into this, be your own hero concept is you do the things you say you're going to do to yourself. So if you make a commitment to yourself to let's say work out, you actually follow through on that. It's when we don't follow through on our commitments to ourself that we start to get hits to our self-esteem. This is completely an internal game. Okay. So it's, it's you against you, or I should say you against the past version of yourself.

14:10 Right. So let's say you never get to the gym. Well, that's the old you. And sometimes that can have momentum, but as long as we change it slowly, okay, I'm just going to go to the gym, maybe even just once this week or even, um, five times, but I'll just work out for a couple of minutes. Like I talked about in my atomic habits podcast. And when you do that, you start to keep the commitments that you make to yourself. Then when you keep the commitments you make to yourself, you build like a reputation to yourself and you can look yourself in the eyes and say, yeah, man.

14:40 Like I, I kept my promises. I want you to do a little experiment. I want you to go into the bathroom after you listen to this or tonight, wherever you happen to be, wherever you are, if you can find a mirror and just look in the mirror and see if you can comfortably say, Hey man, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you, bro. Like you've been through some shit, like you've struggled through adversity. You're here. You're a better version of yourself. You're working on yourself.

15:05 And for that, I'm proud of you. Now from that pride, you start to keep the promises to yourself. You start to see the great things that you've done and slowly you become your own hero. Then one day when you're lifting weights or whatever it may be, you catch yourself in the mirror and you're like, yeah, dude, I'm proud of that guy. Now, the reason we want to be our own hero is a, because false idols exist and we can never know what somebody went through to get where they are.

15:32 Therefore, we don't even try. The only person we can know is ourselves. So we be our own hero. And when we are, it gets reflected in our body language, in our tonality, in our reflection, and then girls get attracted to us. So that's why we want to get to this level. Another way to be worthy of being your own hero is hard work. So we can't just lie to ourselves and sit on the couch eating Cheetos and playing Call of Duty all day and say, yeah, I'm my own hero.

15:59 We know that we have to be realistic about this. And as I said previously, hard work is what determines whether or not you can be proud of yourself at the end of the day. Like I said, when you approach a girl, it's the effort and the intent that matters, not the result. Well, it's the same thing in your life as a whole. How hard are you working? Are you giving your max effort or are you just skating by? So what I suggest is to start working harder.

16:25 Amp up the amplitude of your work, even if you're just working at Starbucks or McDonald's or wherever the hell you happen to be. Take pride in your work. Put hard work in because when you do hard work, you tell yourself, I deserve the results. And when you tell yourself, I deserve the results, you basically raise your thermostat because you feel you deserve more than what you have now. So through hard work, we create a future for ourselves that not only manifests great things just based on the work we've put in, but just simply the self-deserving value that we feel we have.

16:59 Like, dude, I deserve this success. Like I work fucking really hard on this podcast, right? Like episode 100, which by the way, if you haven't heard that yet, I'd appreciate it if you check it out, I work so hard on that. Like, I think this podcast is great because I work really hard on it. This podcast, for example, I took notes, I listened to a bunch of different books and videos, and I really took notes on this and compiled my own thoughts based on all that stuff.

17:23 And I hammered it out and like, I think it's going pretty good. Well, if I just winged it and didn't really care and just kind of yammer it on, it wouldn't really turn out that good. But this is like my best effort right now. I'm really trying to do a good job. Once again, for me, for me, so that I can go to bed as my own hero. If you like it, if you don't like it, I can't control that. So it's you. You put the hard work in for you because you are the only opinion that matters.

17:50 You're the only opinion that matters. And this is a part of frame control, isn't it? When a girl imposes a frame on you, your frame and your belief in yourself is so strong, your opinion is the only one that matters. So she says, oh my God, you have a bald head. That's so stupid. And you literally laugh as if she complimented you. That's because you have a steadfast stalwart belief in yourself that comes from hard work, that comes from a strong frame, and that comes from being your own hero.

18:19 Next, you always want to look how far you've come. When climbing up a mountain, it's easy to look ahead and get disappointed about how far you have to go. But how often do we look back and say, wow, man, I've really come far. Like, I bet you've come so far in your own journey of self-development, and maybe you don't give yourself enough credit. So sometimes it's good to look back at the wins, see how far you've come, and once again, compare yourself to who you used to be.

18:44 And lastly, guys, what if when you die, you go to the pearly gates and you see the best version of yourself standing there? Are you going to be the exact replica of this guy, or are you going to hardly know him? When I think about why we're here, I'm really convinced that developing ourselves into the best version we can be is part of our purpose of life. I'm convinced that this is written into all our hearts. And guys like us who are listening to this podcast, even this far in, like 20 plus minutes in, I mean, that is definitely written in your heart.

19:15 And I think all of us are trying to become the best versions we can of ourselves. And people who don't follow that, they get depressed, right? They get bummed out. But when you follow that, and when you try your best, you can be proud of yourself. You can be your own hero. Because you literally are your own hero if you really think about it. When you act in a way that is congruent with what you feel is the best version of yourself. So that's it, man.

19:40 Are you going to die and get to the pearly gates and see that dude? And is he going to be your exact replica? Or is he going to be some guy you've never met and never thought of before? I think I can answer that question. You are into self-development. You are trying to better yourself, trying to get better with women. So obviously, he is going to be an exact replica of you. And then when you see him, you guys are going to hug it out and just be like, damn, dude, like I really crushed this life.

20:06 And I don't want to get all spiritual and airy-fairy, but I think there's a deeper purpose for all that. That when you better yourself, you better the world. It's like what Jordan Peterson says, the lack of your best hurts everything. The lack of your best hurts everything. Well, your best helps everything. When you give your best, you're not only helping yourself, but you're helping the collective consciousness. You're helping the world. So I want you to be your own hero because when you are, you help me.

20:33 And then that helps the next guy. And when I'm my own hero, I help you and we all help each other. It's all about trying your best, becoming the best version of yourself you can be, working hard, keeping the promises you make to yourself, hardening the fuck up. I want you to be able to kick the ass of the guy who you were a year ago. I definitely could have been out and smoked that motherfucker. Choke him out in like three seconds flat. Why? Because I do that jiu-jitsu, which I strongly suggest you get into after COVID ends.

21:02 But anyway, guys, that's my thought on that. Be your own hero. This is the way to be. It's going to get girls ridiculously attracted to you. And look, if you want that sexy girl in your bed that you're looking at on the pornos or you're looking at on the magazines or whatever it is, you can get her. You can get her. It doesn't matter what you look like, how tall you are, what calamities you've had in the past. In fact, the more calamities, the better, man.

21:26 Bring them on. Let's knock these things out and make you into your own hero so that you can pull that girl. Check me out, CoachMarkSingh.com. I look forward to hearing you soon. And I thank you for listening to this podcast. Thank you for listening to this podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.