How to crush approach anxiety

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, money, women, and being a fucking man without making any apologies for it. I'm your host, John Anthony. And I'm Mark Sing. And today we're going to be talking about how to get over the fear of rejection. So this is something that a lot of guys encounter in life, but especially in games. So the thing that you guys will realize is that women are a microcosm of the universe. So in other words, anything that you're mildly afraid of in life is going to translate itself into your fears with women times 100.

0:41 So a lot of guys, when they approach a girl, if they do approach a girl to begin with, most don't. But if they're thinking about it, the first thought that comes to their mind is what's going to go wrong? What if something goes wrong? What if everyone sees me and I look like a fucking idiot? OK, and so today we're going to talk about how to get over that. So first things first, we have to address the core focus of what is motivating you. OK, so there's two kinds of motivations.

1:08 There's away from motivation and there's towards motivation. And most people operate based out of away from motivation. You know, they wake up in the morning and go to their job and you ask them why. And they say, because I don't want to get fired. Right. When you ask them, you know, why do you work so hard? They say, because I don't want to be homeless. I don't want to be poor. Why do you go to the gym? Because I don't want to be fat. Why do you, you know, stop eating that doughnuts?

1:34 Because I don't want to be fat. I don't want to die of heart disease. Why, you know, don't you approach that girl? Because I don't want her to reject me. Right. And so that's the first type of motivation. And that's what most guys have. And it's not powerful because it doesn't have direction. Right. You don't know where you're going. You know, if you see a pretty girl and all you're thinking of is the downside, all you're going to do is just avoid. And you don't know where you're going, but you just know that you're not going there.

1:59 So what you want to try to do is switch that over to toward motivation. And so what that looks like is, for example, you know, why do you go to the gym? Because I want to be fucking jacked. I want to look like a fucking champion, a fucking shredded boss Greek statue. Why do I, you know, eat so healthy? Because I want to feel good and look good. Why do I work so hard? Because I want to have fucking money and freedom. You know, when you think about approaching a girl, what's the toward motivation?

2:26 What could go right? Right. Why do you want to approach that girl? Why not approach that girl? Because if I go talk to her, she's going to fucking like me and we're going to fucking end up dating and having sex and having an awesome fucking relationship. Right. So that's one tip is notice the unconscious patterns that you've developed in your mind and try to sort of shift your thinking from what could go wrong to what could go right. You know, it's so funny. Before we started this podcast, John and I were just bullshitting about this, that and the other.

2:53 And then he's like, what podcast are we doing today? And I was like, oh, we're going to talk about rejection. You know, approach anxiety, how to blast the rejection, how to never get rejected again. And he's like, all right, press play. So I press play. And then the dude, the dude just goes off for three, like completely unprepared. Like you guys don't understand, completely unprepared. I mean, he kind of knew what we were going to talk about. We texted about it a couple hours ago, but that just goes to show the toward versus away from mentality.

3:18 If he hadn't away from mentality, he would have been like, well, what if I don't have enough to say? What if I stumble? What if I screw up? And I'm not like talking, you know, eloquently about it. But the guy has a towards mentality. So he's like, fuck it, bro. Let's just start this shit. I will talk about anything. And that also works with women, right? When you can just talk about anything, like right off the cuff, like what he did just there, then when you go up to a woman, you're not in your mind thinking, well, okay, I'm going to say this.

3:47 Then she's going to say that. Then I'm going to say this. No, you're like, I'm an interesting guy. I have a lot to say. I'm self-entertained. So I'm going to go up and I'm going to talk to her. And if she rejects me, and I want to put that in quote, rejects me, and I'm going to get into that in a minute, who gives a shit, dude, her loss, right? So the mentality that I have is not only a toward mentality, what could go right, what could go right?

4:11 That's what you have to think. And you need to focus on that. So you put yourself in that towards mentality. Towards mentality is masculine. Away from mentality is feminine. You want to be in a masculine mentality when you go up there. Not only that, but you're there to self-entertain. The party is where you're at. It's kind of like, you know Julian from RSD, John? Yes, I love Julian. Really respect that guy. Yeah, yeah, I did too, actually. Actually, I met him just a couple months ago.

4:40 I ran into Tyler. I used to hang out with Owen in Hawaii when I lived in Hawaii. Did I tell you that? Yeah, you said, yeah. Yeah, and then he came into the bar and I was like, holy shit, it's the RSD guys. What's up, guys? Talk to him a little bit. But Julian, he had a really good analogy for this. So I'm going to shamelessly steal what he came up with. And he's like, imagine yourself in the club and you're masturbating. You're sitting there like, you're sitting there masturbating.

5:05 And you're entertaining. And this is an analogy for entertaining yourself, right? You're stroking it. You're having a good time. You're like, woohoo, yay, I'm masturbating. Then you go up to a girl and you're like, hey, put a hand on this. And then she's masturbating you a little bit. And then if it goes bad, she simply takes her hand off your cock. But you're still having a good time. You're still self-entertaining, masturbating. Then you go to the next person. They throw a hand on it. Go to the next girl.

5:28 She throws a hand on it. So when you get out of the mentality of like rejection and getting absolutely crucified because some girl just damaged your self-esteem to getting into the mentality that the party's where you're at, she's going to have a good time because I'm having a good time. And you know what? If she doesn't participate in this masturbation session, this like social masturbation section, her loss. And honestly, when you have that mentality, it looks like you rejected her. And we're going to get into a method where you could literally make it look like you rejected her rather than the other way around.

6:03 But the first thing with this to destroy approach anxiety, the first thing is to completely change your mentality surrounding it, is to think that what could go right, forget about what could go wrong, what could go right. And if she's not into it, it's her loss because you know what? The party's where you are and you're the one bringing the good energy. So fuck her. If she's not into it, she's in a bad mood. She's a lesbian. She's not fun. She's not like having a great time.

6:29 So you don't want to have anything to do with her anyway. It's like whatever. And then you completely forget about that, quote unquote, rejection. Yeah. And that's so key. So basically, there's two main ways to tackle this problem, right? The first one is the mindset shift, which I personally prefer talking about because I think that that's the most powerful way. The second, though, that's also extremely fucking important is knowing what to say and having the actual technical skills to feel confident in walking up to a girl and getting her.

7:01 And one of the best ways to do that is actually through one of Mark's programs. Mark, do you want to talk about that? Oh, nice plug there, John. Very, very seamless. It's super relevant. Yeah. So what I do is I have a program called The Approach Formula. And what it is, is it's a step-by-step formula to approach a woman, engage her in conversation, get her attracted to you, and then walk away with her phone number or her Instagram with the highest chance of her actually texting you back, wanting to go on a date with you.

7:26 Now, this is based on over 10,000 approaches of me and my team. We've backwards engineered all the things that worked, threw out all the things that didn't work, and we put together a formula. That's why it's called The Approach Formula to do this step-by-step sequence that actually gets you the results you're looking for. I usually sell this thing for $33, but since you're listening today, you can go ahead and get it for $10. Think about that right now. That's less than what you're going to spend on lunch tomorrow, and it's going to give you the ability to get any phone number from any girl you want.

8:01 I think that's pretty well worth it. But one of the philosophies we talk about in there is, again, you don't give a fuck what happens because you're the alpha male. You're the one bringing the party. Another philosophy that we talk about is she rejected your approach. She didn't reject you. The reason many guys are so terrified of rejection is because their self-esteem is somehow tied into how people react to them. But when you look at it, that it's simply your approach. You may have said the wrong words.

8:31 She may have been in a bad mood. She may have just broken up with her boyfriend, for all you know. She just got fired from a job. There's a myriad of circumstances that are going on in her life that you can't predict. You don't know about. She might be in a loving relationship. Who the hell knows? So why attribute that to yourself? It's just the stupid, stupid way to live. And also, and I believe John, our NLP coach, spoke to you about this as well, but there's simply a matter of statistics, a matter of numbers.

9:01 I guess, I don't know if I completely bought into this, John, and I think you understand it a bit better than I do, so perhaps you can elaborate. But basically, women have a modality where they're going to reject a certain number of guys before they accept a certain number of guys. So perhaps her modality is reject 10 guys before she accepts one. And now, if you approach as the eighth guy, you are going to get rejected no matter what you do. It's just the modality that she's in.

9:32 And so when you have that understanding that it often is just a numbers game, yes, you can certainly improve your results by your methods, by your techniques, by the vibe that you bring up to her. Those are all very important things, and perhaps you can blow past it. I tend to believe you can. When our NLP coach was telling us about this, he's like, you don't believe me, do you? And I was like, ah, not really, brother. I just have to be honest with you because I get a lot of success, so it doesn't really reflect in my reality.

10:01 But I think that makes sense. It's a numbers game in a lot of ways. So when you think about it that way, it's not you, man. You're throwing out a lure. It has nothing to do with you. If she bites on it, that kind of sometimes can have nothing to do with it either. She just happens to be ready, whatever the reason is. So when you shift your mentality from having it so fucking tied into your self-esteem, self-worth, confidence to instead tie it into a numbers game, simply the approach.

10:31 You simply didn't say the right thing. You could say one thing to one girl that works, the same thing to another girl that doesn't work. How the fuck did you know? You're not a mind reader. You're just throwing shit out there. You're just self-entertaining. When you look at it that way, rejection doesn't exist anymore because you reframe it into it's a numbers game, just like fishing is a numbers game, just like most things in life are a numbers game. When you reframe it that way, you can really get rid of this like approach anxiety where my self-esteem and everything is tied into it.

11:02 Fuck that, dude. You're a man. Go out there and hunt. You're not going to get the kill every time, but you will get the kill sometimes and that's why you hunt. Yeah. And you won't get any kills if you don't hunt. Exactly. That's what's key is, you know, I mean, Wayne Gretzky said, I miss 100% of the shots that I don't take, you know? And so there's two concepts that Mark touched upon. So there's, you know, there's quantity versus quality, right? So there's the number of approaches that you're going to do and then there's the quality of the approach that you're going to do.

11:34 And quality of approach is super important, but arguably what's more important is quantity because if you don't get the experience under your belt, if you don't start approaching and get experience approaching, then you won't even have the chance to develop the quality, right? Quality of approach. In other words, game comes from quantity. Game is developed by dating lots of different girls and meeting lots of different people and being put into lots of different social situations, you know? So you have to focus on both. And on the topic of reframing too, I think that reframing is one of the most powerful ways to get over rejection because when, you know, it's funny how we throw this word out rejection, but when I think of every girl who's quote unquote rejected me in my life, all I think looking back is like, wow, she did not know what the fuck she was talking about when she said no to me because, you know, in my mind, I'm just like a fucking champ who's like barreling down my path in life, succeeding in all endeavors, like constantly improving.

12:38 And like, with all due respect to these women, I'm not trying to be nasty, but like when they hit the wall, their lives are going to be shit. They're going to be stuck with some fucking chode, chodey little fucking McLovin McGee. And I'm going to be like riding around in a fucking Lamborghini, like, you know, Bitcoin will be worth like 10 billion at that point. And I'll just be like a fucking fucking Rothschild or something. And, um, you know, like their lives are going to be garbage.

13:01 So like, that's how I look at it in, in a weird way is like, I'm almost doing them a favor by approaching them. Yeah. As a man, like I have so much to offer and that's the point that you guys want to get to is where you genuinely feel like, you know, when you go up to a girl, yeah, maybe she's hot and maybe you are quote unquote hunting and looking to get some from her. But at the same time, like you're trying to screen her, right?

13:24 The buyer seller dynamic is switched. It's not that you're trying to, you know, you're trying to, uh, fucking, uh, you know, get something from where you're like, Oh, like, do you think I'm good enough? Like, do you want to sleep? No, it's like, you know, okay, I'm interested. But like, what do you got? Who are you? Like, you know, what makes you fucking interesting? And, um, like switching that mentality is just so, so powerful. Yeah, that that's, that's, that's an excellent insight for sure. I mean, I love that, that it really, like you have no idea what you're missing.

13:55 Um, also you want to get into the mentality. I'm literally, I literally think every single girl wants me. And, and at first it was like, fake it till you make it. But I've gotten to the point where like today I was at the gym. If a girl walks by me, I just misinterpreted it to mean like, Oh, she just wanted to get close so she could check me out. If a girl happens, I was thinking at the gym the other day, dude, there's this hot girl and she was just like walking over and I like kind of eyed her and I was like, yeah, like I want, I want to go talk to her, but I'm like focused on my workout and I was doing abs.

14:24 And then she like walked by me as I was doing abs. And I was like, yeah, yeah. She wants me to fucking talk to her. Dude, her back is to me and she's at the complete opposite side of the gym because she's trying to get me to come over. Like whatever this situation is, like a bird flies past her head and she flinches and she happens to look in my direction. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, bro. She's checking me out. The other day I was walking out of the supermarket and I was like, I was like, holy shit.

14:49 I literally, honestly, genuinely believed that every single girl in there wanted me. I'm like, wow, I've really, I've really got to the next level because while in a way you're lying to yourself and who knows if you're lying to yourself, it could be true. I think it's true. I honestly do. But while you're lying to yourself, um, if you can think that way, it just puts you in the, the prize mentality, every single girl wants me. And if I go up to a girl and she rejects me, it's like, you don't even know, are you serious?

15:20 Like you don't even know what you lost. And all these guys, they have like so much of their self-worth tied into what women think of them. Who gives a shit? What do you think of yourself? Well, I get, I get ripped because like, I like the way I look in the mirror. Like I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, hell yeah, dude. It's like, it's like having a nice suit or like having a nice car. It, it just feels good to, to be in a good body.

15:44 I don't necessarily do it for women. That's more of a side effect. They just happen to get attracted to me. So what are you doing for yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you love yourself? Do you think you're a champion? If you don't, then you might want to start switching your mentality. And, and the way to do that is with, you know, affirmations. I am a champion. I am a go-getter. I'm a money magnet. I am a girl magnet. I am a guy who's worth having a high quality girlfriend.

16:08 Once you talk to yourself enough in that way, your mindset begins to change to where an outside rejection from this tiny little girl that you've never met before that like means almost nothing has absolutely no influence on how you feel. And then rejection doesn't exist anymore because you don't even, it like goes so far over your head. You didn't even realize it happened. And then you could be like, all right, next one, next, you know, and then she's going to be into it. And, um, I wanted, I wanted to say real quick, the reason why we fear rejection is actually an anthropological phenomenon.

16:42 And the reason it is, is because I'm going to go through this real quick. You guys probably know, but we used to live in tribal communities where if you approached a girl who was the wrong girl to approach, it could actually, uh, mean your safety. You could actually get, uh, you know, thrown out of the tribe. You could get completely rejected, hit over the head with a rock. You could get killed like the alpha male Chad could come over there and kill you because you approached the wrong girl.

17:08 But now that we live in modern society, there's absolutely no consequences whatsoever to approaching women because it doesn't mean anything. You go to a bar, you know, 20 miles from your house and you talk to a bunch of girls and they reject you. You're still going to be alive when you get home. You're still going to be able to survive. You're not going to get thrown out of this tribe, but because it's so ingrained deep in our lizard brain, deep in our DNA, these guys have this real natural fear.

17:36 And the best way guys, the best way to get over that fear is to approach, approach, approach and get rejected. The way to get over rejection is to get rejected. And that's one of the ironies of life. And it's one of the ironies of pickup, go get rejected. You're going to see, it means absolutely nothing. And the more you get rejected and the more you realize like, I'm okay, I didn't get hit over the head with the rock. Then the more you realize how little it matters.

18:01 And then you get this like new power to approach any girl you want. And think about it this way too. You are a man. Your job is to be a hunter. Your job as the masculine energy is to go get that feminine energy. So many of my students want girls to approach them. And I'm like, why? Why would you want that? It's such a feminine thing to have a girl take the masculine role and open you up. Yes, it feels good. You feel wanted. You feel justified.

18:29 You feel validated. But that's an away from mentality. That's a scarcity mentality. You want the mentality of abundance. I'm the man. I'm going to go hunt. I'm going to choose the girl I want. And if she's not into it, like John said, she doesn't know what she's missing. I may have made a mistake in my calibration. I may have said some of the wrong things. Whatever. That's my approach. That's not me. Why do I know it's not me? Because I know I'm a champion. I know I have tons of things to offer.

18:58 I know I'm getting after it in life. So fuck what she thinks. She didn't know what she's missing. Yeah. And what's really funny too is like it does feel good in a sense to get approached by women. But you know what feels even better is when you approach a girl and you go through the obstacles. You pass her shit tests, you fucking deal with all the bullshit that's coming at you from her friends and social pressure. And you get past it and then you fucking sleep with her.

19:22 Yeah. And she's into you. Like that feels so much better as a man because you're just like, damn, like I'm a fucking champion. Yeah. Like I did it. I went through it. And a really powerful way to basically overcome this, you know, quote unquote rejection too, I find is just, again, reframing. So you have to be careful with this because if a girl is obviously not interested, that's going to come down to like social calibration and being able to tell what like a hard no is.

19:48 But for example, you know, I've been talking with this girl and she sent me a couple nudes, you know, a few days ago I think. And then last night I was texting with her on Snapchat and she said something about how she was at the gym and hitting legs. And I was like, oh, can I see some progress pics or whatever? I probably said it more clever than that. You know, basically I just wanted to see your fucking ass. And she was just like, no. She just straight up said no.

20:12 And then I was just like, what I think you meant to say was I'm going to send you 37 alphabetized pictures of my glute progress organized by date or something like that. Just like a fucking reframe, total reframe. Just like, you know, my frame is stronger. I know what I want. Just like, you know, in a joking way, not like creepy or like pushy, but just fucking joking. And she actually did end up sending me pictures after that probably because she thought it was funny. Right. So that's another thing is like when a girl rejects you, you can actually fucking reframe it.

20:39 So a really good scene, for example, is the scene from Crazy Stupid Love with Ryan Gosling. Have you seen that, Mark? No, I haven't. So basically Ryan Gosling plays this like pimp, total fucking, you know, charming dude. And he's trying to coach like Steve Corral, who's like this virgin dude who just got divorced or whatever. And so Ryan Gosling goes up to, what's her name? Emma Stone, I think, in the bar. And you guys should totally watch it if you haven't seen it. But he goes up and he fucking starts talking to her.

21:07 And, you know, it's like everything that she says, every excuse why she says, you know, she might not be interested. He just reframes it in the funniest and most charming way. So, for example, when she's like, you know, I think I should go home. He's like, oh, wow, that's very forward of you. But, you know, have you been drinking? I should drive. Like he just everything was like reframed as like this girl wants to sleep with me. And everything that she says, he just like had a fucking witty, charming, you know, reframe response.

21:31 So, like that's a really good skill set to cultivate is just reframing the quote-unquote rejection. Yeah, actually, I wasn't going to talk about this, but one of my students was just rejected by a girl over text. So he gets her phone number through my program. By the way, the program, I mistakenly didn't mention the URL. You can get it at gettheapproachformula.com. Again, that's gettheapproachformula.com. It's only $10, so go ahead and grab that. There's also an upsell on the back end of that called The Conversation Sniper.

22:01 If you're afraid of running out of things to say, if you hate that situation when you're speaking to a woman, then your mind goes into screensaver mode. You don't know what the hell to say. Get this book. It will give you tons of conversational substance for her to sink her teeth into so you'll never run out of things to say again. So, basically, here's what happened. My buddy, I'm looking at the text right now. I know he would be okay with me saying this on the podcast.

22:24 Gets the phone number, banters with her how I taught him to, goes for the hangout, and then she's like, well, I'm kind of dating somebody. So, she's like, so I'm currently dating someone. I'm not sure if that changes things for you, but I think you're a really cool person, and I would be interested in hanging out sometime. So, in other words, that means she's dating somebody, and she's trying to go for the upgrade plan. She's looking for other dudes, and she's hoping that my boy can be the upgrade plan, and since I'm his coach, he most certainly will be.

22:52 So, he texts me, and he's all bummed out. He's like, bro, she rejected me. And I'm like, dude, you didn't get rejected. She's dating somebody and is attracted to you and wants to give you a chance to beat this other dude out. Said your texts were actually pretty good. You went in for the date a little bit early, but other than that, you're getting much better. If you want to try to get this girl and yank her from her boyfriend, we can definitely do that. So, he's like, yeah, I want to do that.

23:12 So, I said, okay, send her this. No worries. I'm dating 26.5 other girls, too. The .5 is a midget. So, if you promise not to get attracted to me, then we can hang out as friends. But if you so much as even think about getting attracted to me, then I'll end the date. I mean hang out immediately. Deal? Question mark. So, she says deal, and now they're going on a quote-unquote hangout. So, what could be perceived as a rejection is oftentimes a woman just doing what she has to do as a woman.

23:42 So, she's feeling kind of guilty. He came on too fast. She's dating this other dude, and she really wants to upgrade to my boy, which she's going to do because I'm going to help him do it. But so, some guys think it's like rejections happen, but it's a woman who needs you to justify her actions for her. So, oftentimes she'll be like, I can't go home with you. And she's doing that because she has this slut mechanism that's coming into play. She doesn't want to feel like a slut.

24:08 So, when you reframe it and you make it seem like it's your idea or it just happened or it's just fate that it happened this way, or even if a girl says, we're not sleeping together tonight, make it your idea. So, in this text, she said, I'm dating people. Well, what do you do? You don't say, well, I could be better than he could. You should really give me a chance. If you do that, you'll never get the date. Instead, you say, I don't give a shit.

24:33 First of all, you're unaffected. I'm dating 26.5 other girls too. One's a midget. Make her laugh. Then say, let's go on a date. But you can't get attracted to me. You absolutely have to promise you don't get attracted to me. So, rather than going against a girl's position, when you go against a girl's position, you're entrenching her in her position. Instead, you go along with it, and you make it funny. You make it sound like it's your idea, and you take it to an extreme where she can laugh about it and feel good about it.

25:01 So, he's saying, hey, if you get so much as attracted to me, then I'm going to end the date. Oh, I mean hang out immediately. Deal? Who wouldn't go after that? So, a lot of times, guys perceive rejections as like they got rejected. Like my boy was like sniffling like a little bitch, and I'm like, bro, you're an idiot, dude. She gave you her number. The fact that she's dating somebody, and she gave you her number because you used the approach formula, little plug there. Wink, wink.

25:27 Wink, wink. That's gigantic, man. That means she's really attracted to you, and she wants to upgrade. So, sometimes you have to understand the mentality of women that they have this whole slut paradigm that they have to blow through, and they have to be really careful with how they do things. Because if they just go and they fuck like 100 guys, that could mean ostracization for them because as a woman in a tribe, if you have sex with all the people in the tribe, you get no respect.

25:57 You're looked at as a slut. It could be anybody's kid. So, you have to work around, you know, what women are doing too, and you have to give them excuses to hang out with you, excuses to have sex with you, make it seem like it's fate, make it seem like it just happened, and reframing certain things like what you were talking about with Ryan Gosling. I'm definitely going to watch that movie, by the way. It sounds interesting. It's one gigantic way to do that. So, it's a little bit of a side note, but this was a great example because now this guy is going to get on a date.

26:28 I'm going to coach him through it, and he's going to absolutely crush that pussy like he's fucking Chad, the 6'3", you know, football star in high school. Yeah. No, that's a very powerful example of what you can do when you just understand that a girl is just kind of shit-testing you, and you just know what she needs to hear. You know what to say, and you don't get offended. You don't get buttered. You just do like a cocky, funny reframe. Like, that's like 90% of game is like a cocky, funny reframe, you know.

26:57 So, like – and again, I want to emphasize too, like it comes down to social calibration and like knowing when the girl is actually giving you a hard no and I'm not interested. Or if she's like, you know, on the edge, she's like, yes, no, I'm not sure about this guy yet. So, that's something to keep in mind, but, you know, a lot of the times like, you know, it's like if a girl says something like that where it's like, you know, oh, like, yeah, you know, but I'm not going to have sex with you.

27:22 Then I'm like – I'll just like either – basically what I'll do in that situation is just like completely reframe it and agree and be like, yeah, I know I'm a virgin. Just like completely overplay the like I'm a fucking innocent type thing, you know. Like anytime you can reframe in your favor in a funny way, it's just like such a golden key to bypassing rejection. And again too, like let's talk more about that whole like not even viewing it as rejection thing because like I've had girls – so, for example, I've told this story a bunch of times because I think it really illustrates this point.

27:55 A lot of the time too, like a rejection is actually an opportunity to show that you're an alpha male because when you can show people that you're unaffected by the rejection, first of all, it makes the girl who quote-unquote rejected you think twice because she's like, why is he not bothered by this? Like most guys would be crushed. What does he have that I'm not seeing? Like what's he hiding? Why did he – like, you know. And then the other girls are like, damn, like she just rejected him and he doesn't even give a fuck.

28:23 He must have 30 other girls that he's banging, right, and a million dollars in the bank and he must be like incredible. So again, like this is another example that I keep reiterating because I think it's so important. Real quick, oftentimes if a woman will reject you and then you're completely unaffected, you could go back up and open her up later and be like, change your mind yet? And oftentimes she will. You know what I'm saying? Or like you get over that whole thing yet. Also, real quick, if she says we're not going to have sex tonight, like John said, you reframe it, make it into your idea.

28:55 And you could say several things. You could say, you know what? Talking about sex right now isn't the best way to seduce me. I know that's what's on your mind. But go ahead and drop it down a gear like we're not there yet. Or you could say, you know what? I was going to say that too, but I didn't think the timing was right yet. So you're kind of like reprimanding her a little bit for bringing it up too early, which shows she's socially unintelligent. But always make it your idea.

29:18 This is the fundamental principle. When a girl has any resistance towards you, make it into your idea and go along with it. Because think about a car shooting down the street. If you try to just block it with another car, it's going to ramp through that car. It's going to be a big crash and a big mess. But if you drive next to that car and then slowly get in front of it and then slowly slow it down or put it on a different course, then you can affect its trajectory without it even knowing that you've done so.

29:47 And that's how you have to do it with women. Never resist a woman's standpoint. Always go with it. Make it seem like your own and change it with time. Change it with cocky, funny humor and be clever. Be socially savvy. Yeah. And so like another one that I'll say to you sometimes is like if she's like, like, we're not going to have sex tonight. I'll just be like, you know, or she'll say, what is it? Yeah. So if she says, like, I don't want to have sex with you or like, you know, we shouldn't have sex.

30:15 I'll be like, yeah, you know, you're right. Like it'd be so much more fun if we just played Monopoly or just something like fucking stupid like that where it's like I can't really even say it because I'm not in the mood right now. But like something where it's like you can obviously tell by the tone of your voice and the way you say it where it's just like it's so over the top and ridiculous that she just can't help but laugh. Yeah. You always hear me breathe in.

30:36 I'm like, yes, Mark, go ahead. And the fact that she brings it up, it says that it's on her mind. You know what I'm saying? You're probably a little miscalibrated. You did something wrong. You shot in too early. That's why this girl shot back with this text to my friend that said, hey, I'm kind of dating somebody because he shot in too early for the hangout without first building the vibe. And I let him know, hey, build the vibe up first on a high note, you go ahead and ask for the hangout.

31:04 So oftentimes a woman will bring up the sex thing because, again, she has to make sure that her slut defense mechanism is satisfied. She cannot feel like a slut. She needs to have excuses to work around the whole slut thing to have sex with you. So when she says we're not having sex and you make it your idea and you totally agree with her and then you take it 100 steps further like I did for my friend in this text where I said you can't get attracted to me, it helps justify to her slut mechanism that you're not just trying to fuck her.

31:36 And then it's going to make it even more likely that she's going to fuck you. So that's why it works. It's the whole slut mechanism thing. And that's what we have to work around and we have to do it very carefully because if you resist a woman's position, you're going to get blown out. Yeah. And that's why wit and humor are so important, cultivating those two skills. I mean Marilyn Monroe literally said, quote, if you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.

32:01 And that's why like, yeah, like 90% of game is just like coming back with like a witty fucking funny retort, you know. And again, like rejection is an opportunity to show that you don't care and to actually build even more value. Because again, if your frame is so strong that when a girl rejects you, you're not phased, other girls, including the one that rejected you, will wonder why you're not phased and will get curious and interested. So I have a story that I've told before that really exemplifies this point.

32:31 So I was at a party and this girl showed up who I already slept with and she found out about my website and she's a very, you know, extreme girl sometimes. And so she was offended. Oh, you're a pickup artist. You just use these tricks on me. You're manipulative. And she actually confronted me at the fucking party, smacked me in the face, made a giant fucking scene about it. And in that moment when she smacked me, I was like, you know, everyone got silent and looked at me.

32:58 And in that moment, I was just like, hmm, I can either just like be a bitch or I can just have a good fucking time and not give a shit. And I did that and, you know, started having fun. You were a bitch? Is that what you did? Yeah, I was a complete bitch. I actually ended up going with home with this girl's friend that same night. And again, it was because I wasn't phased. It's just like, OK, like this girl can't see the value in what I'm providing.

33:24 OK, that's fine. I'll just go find a different girl. And I did. And, you know, of course, that only made the girl who rejected me even angrier because it only confirms her belief that I'm a high value man. And so that's what you want to do. It's like every rejection is an opportunity to look like a fucking champ. If you can just not be phased, like it makes people question why they would have rejected you in the first place because you must have something going for you really well if you're not phased.

33:51 OK, so here's how to be not phased. So another important concept, and I believe this is new. I've never heard it before except for from my coach, my mentor. There's something called being in like first person associated state and associated state is when you're looking through your eyes. You're fully in your body. You're in the first person. Dissociated is when you're looking at yourself doing something. So imagine looking in the mirror as you lift weights or imagine that there's a camera above you right now and you're watching yourself either sitting here driving.

34:27 Maybe you're cooking dinner as you're listening to this podcast. When you open women, you want to be in a dissociated state. You want to look at yourself as if you're in the third person perspective. It's not you. It's a part of you, and it doesn't matter what happens to that part of you. I'll even sometimes teach my students to talk about themselves in the third person. Oh, that girl didn't like Tim very much. And then what you do is when you talk about yourself in the third person, it doesn't become so damn personal.

34:55 You're disassociated from your first person perspective. And again, the way to do that is to imagine a camera looking at you as you're walking up to this woman. And oftentimes when I'm in pain, like John and I like to take cold showers because it raises your testosterone. We also like to lift weights every day. And sometimes those things can really, really hurt, especially lifting weights. Like I'll take myself where it's like really painful. I'll actually – I'll close my eyes and I'll have a camera from the top perspective watching me do it.

35:27 And for some reason, I'm not really sure why it works. But for some reason, it hurts way less than if I'm sitting there in my body and I'm completely present with it and like looking through my own eyes. So it's called a dissociated state. And if you could put yourself in that dissociated perspective when going out, approaching women, and talk about yourself. I know it sounds weird, but it really does work. Talk about yourself in the third person. Like, oh, Mark was rejected. Mark is pretty butthurt right now.

35:54 Even that sounds funny. Like you're a caveman. It does. John is hurt. John is butthurt. But it really works because you're not so tied into what's happening in your reality. It's a dissociated state. And this is what a lot of people do who can take a lot of pain. Like he told me to do this when I got my tattoo and I just envisioned – I was just watching myself. Some people even watch the versions that's watching themselves. So it's like too removed. And people can endure a lot of pain this way.

36:25 And it's a lot of the times you have to be careful with it because a lot of people who do like cutting or people with psychological disorders, they will do that naturally. It's almost like they're not even in their body. They're watching themselves do it from a third-person perspective. And when you take that – it's really weird. The first time he told it to me, I was like, what the fuck? And it was really hard for me to do it. But when I started doing it, especially when I'm lifting weights, taking the cold shower, doing things I don't want to do, it makes the pain go down a lot more.

36:53 And it makes those quote-unquote rejections not as powerful at all because it's almost like it's not even happening to you. It's happening to this guy that you're watching. Yeah. That's – I know that I've talked about that with my coach as well. And from what I understand, I think it works really well for some people and depending on their – they're like mental imprints. So for some people, it works really good if they're like envisioning a goal and they envision it in the first person. And for some, it's really good if they're in the third person.

37:23 So I think ultimately with everything that we're saying, you guys will have to try it out for yourselves. And that's what's so key is just like get that quantity under your belt because you're not going to develop quality without quantity. You need to go out and approach. Date girls from Tinder, date girls from cold approach, date girls from day game. It's a tongue twister. And just get as much experience as you can. That's really what it comes down to. Date girls from day game. It is a tongue twister.

37:49 Yeah, date girls from day game. Another thing. Now, if you tend to be the dissociated type, that could be an issue too because you might come off as aloof and uninterested. Now, there's another way if you're naturally dissociated to get associated and that is by bringing your attention into your inner body. One way to do that, one thing that I teach my students is to feel your heart. Can you feel your heart beating right now? Can you feel the energy in your chest? Can you feel the life force that's within you?

38:18 Now, when you focus on your heart, it's a bit of a meditation. You're just sitting there feeling it. You might want to close your eyes. You can feel the energy from your heart. And what happens when you do that is you actually start to get into what's called a positive state. And state is transferred onto the girl when you open her. It's extremely important that you're in a good state, that you're feeling good because it's the law of state transference. When you go up to the woman, it doesn't matter so much of what you say.

38:45 It's how you're feeling inside. And one good way to get into a good state, to get that good feeling, is to focus on either your inner energy field, which is what I do. I'm so in touch with it. Even right now as I'm speaking, I can feel my entire body vibrating. I can feel my feet. I can feel my hands. I can feel everything, just this energy field vibrating within me, or, which I teach my students, is to feel their heart. And it's interesting because when you feel your heart, even when somebody's speaking to you and you're listening to them and you're just quiet, feeling your heart, being totally present within your heart.

39:21 I've had girls say to me, like, "What are you doing?" and they don't even know, like, I'm just sitting there listening to them and they feel it coming from you. Women are very transcendent, they can feel feelings really well. So when you go up to them in this good state, by first feeling your heart before you approach them, oftentimes the law of state transference will make them feel good and it will open up a lot easier because of it. And rejection, if you're in a really good state, I'm willing to even go so far as to say rejection is impossible.

39:53 You will completely sidestep rejection because you're in such a good state, nobody cannot want to get in that good state with you. Yeah, it almost feels like a lucid dream sometimes, like when you're in just such a good state that you never get rejected and you can just, like, bend and mold reality to your will. Like, it's a really cool feeling and it's why guys get addicted to game, but the way that you get to that state in the first place is, like we've been saying, one, through mindset, right?

40:19 Have a toward motivation, not an away from motivation. Two, you know, learn the technical skills of game, research, read, you know, buy different books and products and just learn from the experts. And then third, focus on your own life. Get your own shit down to the point where you're comfortable as a man. Your finances, your health, just get everything down, you know. That's really all I have to say. Okay, so I wanted to add a few more things. I used to live in Japan. I lived in Japan for four years.

40:49 Did I tell you this, John? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I lived in Japan and had some interesting things happen there. But one of the things that happened is I tried to get my – I got my driver's license in Japan. And the Japanese drive test is an interesting test because they don't tell you the rules. You show up there, you pay 5,000 yen, which is 50 bucks. At least it was that in like 2004 when I lived there. And you take the test. You definitely fail the first time because you don't know the rules.

41:17 So you're like, okay, I turned right here. That must be a rule or I didn't do this. That must be a rule. So then you take it again. You pay another 50 bucks. You go through it. You fail again. Most people I think was like four to five times they'd fail. And then finally they'd figure out all the rules and then they'd finally pass. Now, I don't – Japan is a weird country, bro. I lived there for four years. Never really figured it out. It's an amazing country.

41:40 Don't get me wrong. I think there's some things about it that are absolutely phenomenal but in a lot of ways, it's just a weird fucking culture. But I questioned it. And you're not supposed to question things in Japan but I could speak Japanese back at that time. And I said, you know, what's going on with this? Why would you guys have a test where I don't even know the rules? So they actually hired somebody to come in and teach me the rules and then I passed it.

42:04 But what I often tell my students is that opening girls and getting rejected is a lot like a Japanese drive test. You don't know the rules when it comes to seduction. You have to study this stuff. You have to learn it. You have to have experience. So why take it so fucking seriously? Did I get all butthurt about my driving skills when I failed the Japanese drive test? No, I know I'm a great driver. I know I'm excellent. They're idiots because they didn't tell me the rules.

42:30 With women, it's very, very, very counterintuitive. You don't know what the hell they're doing. You don't know what they're thinking. You don't know what they're feeling until you get good, until you get knowledge, until you, you know, get products like John and I are offering or perhaps even getting one-on-one coaching with us. But just think of it that way. You don't know the rules. You don't know what she's thinking. You're not a goddamn mind reader. So who gives a shit if she rejects you? It's a Japanese drive test.

42:55 It means nothing. Absolutely nothing. Girls are Japanese drive tests. Girls are Japanese drive tests. Refrain. We are done. That's the refrain. All right. One more thing I want to say. Rejection turnaround. This one's really good. So if you go up to a girl. Now, what John said to be unaffected is just be like, oh, okay, or whatever, or like drop it down again there, Turbo. You're getting pretty fired up. Or, you know, make it funny. That's the best way to do it. But if you're butthurt, and I know some of you guys get butthurt.

43:20 I work with a lot of students. I've seen it. Here's what you can do. You can be like, hey, yada, yada, yada. She says, get out of here, weirdo. And what you do is you say, what? And she'll say, get out of here. And right as she starts talking, you walk away. So it's almost like she's trying to say something to you, and you turn and walk away, and, like, you're rejecting her. You can even kind of throw your hand up in her face, like, talk to the bomb because you're not the bomb.

43:44 You know what I'm saying? Like, something like that. But really, you just say, what? And then she says it again, and boom, you just walk off. That's kind of one good way to turn around a rejection. If she's really mean to you, then fuck her, dude. Like, lash out, back at her. That's fine with me. But, again, if she's really mean to you, it could be a shit test. Probably is a shit test. And you should try to be unaffected, make it into a joke, and then just go open the next girl.

44:08 Be totally, unbelievably unaffected. Because why? Because opening girls is a Japanese drive test. You don't know the rules. You don't know what she's thinking. You don't know what the fuck. You're like, And I was just talking mad shit about John right there. He'll never know what I said. But, anyway, just be like, dude, what the fuck is this? Like, I don't understand, like, what you're thinking. Whatever. It makes no difference whatsoever to the way I feel. It's all your issue. So, take it and leave it.

44:41 Just get out of here. So, that's basically it for me, man. That's everything I wanted to say. Same. I think that's most everything. You know, it just comes down to reframing, having the right mindset, and then just learning the technical skills to approach, and then just approaching and getting rejected and getting over it. Absolutely. So, John, do you want to tell them about your epic programs that they can learn so they can experience even less rejection and even more success? Yeah. So, basically, a lot of this, guys, comes down to building a masculine aura, a masculine energy, a masculine essence, just being grounded in your masculinity, being more assertive and dominant and in control and just confident.

45:23 And the best way, in my opinion, to do this, the fastest way to bypass all the bullshit and become an alpha male is through my Seven Strategies to Develop Your Masculinity program, which you can buy. Click on the links down below. The Seven Strategies e-book is my best-selling e-book. It comes with four free bonuses, different e-books that I talk about, you know, what I learned from sleeping with 100 girls on Tinder, the process that I used to do that, how to get nudes from girls. I have one on how to reprogram your subconscious mind for success.

45:55 It covers, basically, everything you need to know about becoming an alpha male. So, check that out. And then, second, if you can actually combine that with my Body of an Alpha program, you'll just be fucking killing an ant with a nuclear bomb. Like, you'll just – game will be so easy. So, Body of an Alpha is designed with the idea in mind that there is a very specific type of body that women are attracted to. And to get really precise, it's a shoulder-to-waist ratio of 1.618 because what that communicates to a girl on an evolutionary biological level is that you are genetically superior and she should mate with you because she wants your genes in her fucking belly.

46:35 So, if you can develop that masculine alpha male physique, you will just pull so many girls. You'll feel incredible. You'll look great. Check it out, Body of an Alpha. I cover the workout routine that I personally use, which I haven't shared anywhere. I cover nutrition and diet and, you know, the truth about supplements. By the way, hint, hint, most people in the fitness industry on YouTube, these big stars, Kino Body, et cetera, they're on fucking steroids. They're not telling you. I talk about all that shit in my Alpha Supplements guide, which comes free when you purchase Body of an Alpha.

47:06 Check it out down below. And third is my course, Bitcoin Millionaire, which is actually the biggest course that I have released to date. It is an over 11-hour long video course with multiple modules, 10 modules. I have market updates. I tell you exactly what you need to know about trading cryptocurrencies, how I make six figures trading crypto with Bitcoin, Ethereum, Litecoin, Ripple, all these different coins. I tell you exactly when I'm buying stuff, when I'm selling it, you know, what I'm buying, why I'm buying, when and why I'm selling.

47:39 So, you can literally follow along with everything that I'm doing and make money with me. And that actually isn't open because I do a lot of one-on-one coaching in the group that we have. We've got about, I think, 50 guys now. I'm trying to cap it. But every now and then, I have to kick someone out because they, you know, try to steal my secrets or, like, I'll, you know, I'll think that, you know, someone becomes inactive or, like, whatever. So, every now and then, maybe if you send me an email, I can see if there's an opening and maybe get you in.

48:06 But, yeah, the first place that I'd go, guys, is Seven Strategies to Develop Your Masculinity and Body of an Alpha. Those two programs are incredible. I poured my heart and my soul into them. And you should definitely check them out if you're trying to become an alpha male who slays women. Absolutely. I've been through all those courses and I happen to be in the Bitcoin Millionaire course as well. And I'm cognitively lazy. So, I just kind of do what John does. And it's been very profitable so far, I will say.

48:32 So, thank you for that, John. I'm just fully, shamelessly, idiotically writing your coattails like a fucking asshole. And I do appreciate that so much. By the way, guys, we are going to come out with a home study course, a home boot camp. Haven't thought of the name yet, but this thing is going to be absolutely awesome. It's going to be the best seduction program that's ever hit the market by far. We're going to give you access to us and it's going to be absolutely spectacular. I also wanted to mention, if some of these concepts that we talked about, if concepts weren't enough for you, if reframing isn't enough for you, if just listening to podcasts isn't enough for you, then I strongly suggest getting one-on-one coaching with either myself or John.

49:14 You can contact – John, I don't even know if you're doing one-on-one coaching, but you can contact him through his website. Maybe ask him about that. And to get one-on-one coaching with me, it is marksingcoaching.com. M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G coaching.com. That's where I work with you one-on-one and I actually have NLP processes where we can blast through your approach anxiety. Did it for a student just last week. Worked like goddamn gangbusters and he actually just texted me yesterday and he has a date with a girl. So congratulations for him.

49:43 And I also offer, once again, gettheapproachformula.com if you want that step-by-step method to basically grab the phone number or Instagram of any girl you want. So we appreciate you listening, guys. We know rejection can hurt and we know it's tough. But when you're a true champion, you're going to face your fears. You're going to get through them. And I'll tell you what, once you realize that rejection is just bullshit and it means nothing whatsoever, you get like a superpower. You become like a superhero seduction pickup artist where you can literally get any girl you want because you've overcome that gigantic obstacle that stops 99% of other guys.

50:22 So definitely worth your time to listen to this podcast and definitely worth your time to work on yourself to where you can get over your approach anxiety and just blast any girl you want. Trust me. It's well worth it. Absolutely. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening. We will see you soon. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.