How to Destroy Bad Habits And Self Destructive Behavior With NLP

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, your champions? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. And today, we are going to talk about how to destroy bad habits, self-destructive thinking, negativity, violence inside of you, and exactly why we do it with NLP. So NLP, of course, is neuro-linguistic programming. It's what I do to my clients when they come into my coaching program, basically remapping negative belief systems, things that we do that are really stupid when it comes down to it that are self-destructive, but there's always a hidden motive behind it.

0:48 And NLP is able to identify what that is, remove it, and replace it. Now, the reason I do this when it comes to dating women is because women's attraction for you is based on your behavior. And your behavior is dictated by what's going on inside your head. So if you have negative belief systems, the most obvious one, of course, is I'm not enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough for a high-quality woman, you're going to behave in certain ways in front of her that makes her realize that you are a low-value guy.

1:21 So the way to get women attracted to you is to believe wholeheartedly in who you are, deal with the mountain of bullshit that we all have inside our heads to become that confident dude that feels like he's the prize, he's the hot chick, and that she's actually lucky to be talking to him. When you telegraph that through your behavior, then she gets attracted to you. And behavior is always dictated by thoughts inside the head. So if you're insecure, what happens? You close up, you kind of stuff yourself into a corner, you have insecure, nerdy body language, you may laugh after things that you say, you just have a vibe about you that sub-communicates that you don't think you're enough.

2:01 And a woman cannot become attracted to you unless you're higher status than she is. So it all starts inside the head. And that's why NLP is so effective is because it's the one modality that I found, at least the one most effective modality to tackle those kinds of belief systems, traumas, metaprograms, and archetypes directly to make you feel like that 10, to make you feel like that high status dude. You don't have to have anything other than self-belief to get women attracted to you. A lot of guys think it's money, it's lifestyle, it's having a nice house, a nice car, nice clothes.

2:37 It's not. It's always behavior. This is why you could see some of the most disgusting looking dudes who are making out with super fine girls. And you're like, how the fuck did that happen? He must have money. No, that may happen. Sometimes the guy might have money and she's a gold digger. But a lot of the times it's just his behavior. It's his self-belief. He just has that it factor. And what is it? That's it. It's just self-belief systems, which we can map into your brain with NLP.

3:03 And that's what I do. So I want to read a quick testimonial from my three-month coaching program. This was actually posted on iTunes in the iTunes review area. And Homeboy didn't even hit me up. Michael, you didn't even let me know I had to write you and be like, bro, was this you? And you're like, yeah, man, it was me. And I was like, dude, you should have told me you're going to write this for me. This was phenomenal. So we're going to read this and then get into the content.

3:22 So Michael says, wonderful program is the subject. I made the choice to join Mark's program, not just because of the I could tell in listening to the podcast that he genuinely cares. I strongly agree with that, Michael, because I do. No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. And Mark backs it up when you get in the program with guiding you, making you accountable and constantly showing up present for his people. On top of that, the tools and methods are equally great.

3:49 And I'm still shocked. He is the only dating coach to use NLP because I found it to be an absolute game changer. I joined the program during one of the most challenging periods of my life and came out feeling like I had found a turbo boost button on becoming a better version of myself. Thanks, Mark, for showing up and sharing your value with the world. I appreciate that, Michael. And I do care, guys. My job here, and I was actually thinking about it, I was dropping my little girl off at school today.

4:19 I was like, what is your purpose? Don't forget what your purpose is. It is to help guys. Okay, money, how many downloads you get on your podcast, how many coaching clients you get, it doesn't fucking matter. You need to focus on helping guys and doing everything you can to bring guys to the next level because that's why you're here. And it was almost like this internal conversation to remind me, dude, get back on purpose. Your purpose is to put love out there, help dudes get to that next level.

4:46 And I'm really going to try to do that in this episode by talking to you about why you have these bad habits, why you continue to do things like self-sabotage, put negativity out there that, of course, just comes back to bite you in the ass and do things that are essentially destructive to your happiness and peace. So in NLP, we understand that behind every action, there's always a positive belief that it's going to benefit you. There's a belief behind it that if I do X, Y, Z thing, yes, even those things that are seemingly self-deprecating, self-destructive, it's going to help me out.

5:23 Since I'm the only guy here, I can only use myself as an example, but I'll use some coaching clients as examples as well. But the first example is this, and maybe you can relate to this, stressing out. Okay, what does stress do for you? A lot of you guys have stress. You have anxiety. You have worry. It's a very common theme, especially in today's modern world. Why do we do that? Does it benefit you in any way whatsoever? Not really. What it does is make you less efficient.

5:52 It makes you not sleep. It makes you not able to concentrate. It fucks up your digestive system, fucks up your diet. You become an absolute mess. You look like a goddamn walking zombie, which has happened to me many times throughout my life because of stress. So why do we stress? Well, stress is caused by being here, but wanting to be there. Having the present situation, but wanting to be in the future, or uncertainty about the future. I love this term that I heard somewhere. I can't remember exactly who said it.

6:21 It was probably Eckhart Tolle because I listen to him so much. Distant sense of threat. Distant sense of threat. So you have a distant sense of threat. You don't know what it is exactly. So you're trying to prepare. And because you don't know what's happening, there's that uncertainty there. You have stress. So a lot of us have stress and it basically tears us the fuck up. I know that's happened to me. Stress, anxiety, all these panic attacks that I used to go through were my biggest obstacle to overcome.

6:48 One of the biggest things that I realized, and I want you to apply this brother to anything that you're struggling with, is that there was always a positive intention behind my negative action. My negative action was stressing out. The positive intention was to protect myself. Now, I also asked, well, where did I get this from? Is this my stuff or is this somebody else's? When I asked that question, it became immediately apparent to me that in my case, it was my mom. My mom is the biggest stress case ever.

7:20 All she does is worry. She has sleepless nights after sleepless nights. I can't even imagine what it must be like to constantly worry about your kids, constantly worry about the economy, worry, worry, worry, worry, and you can't even sleep. And a lot of you guys have something like this. Maybe it's not stress, but you have some shit that's just fucking you up. That's just making your life miserable. Bad habits, destructive behavior, whatever it may be. I want you to realize, brother, and I want you to think about this right now.

7:52 What is the positive thing that you think you're going to get from that? What is the belief system behind it? And is it your belief system or is it somebody else's? Did your dad give it to you? Your mom? Your brother? A friend when you were a kid? Maybe your grandpa did this thing. Maybe this shit was instilled in you before you could defend yourself from it, which is the case with most of these types of destructive behaviors. Did you know that from the time you're an infant until seven years old, you are completely in a state of hypnosis?

8:21 You're literally on stage like one of those people being hypnotized and made to bark like a dog, which works, by the way, and there's a lot of reasons why it works. I'm actually going to do a podcast about it. You are like that dude, and you have no control from the time that you're zero to seven. All you are is a sponge. So let's look at your life, bro. Let's look at your parents. Let's look at your siblings. Let's look at the neighborhood you grew up in.

8:46 These factors are huge when it comes to building the programs inside your head. So essentially from zero to seven, you're a clean slate. You are a computer that has nothing installed on it. Then what happens is people who too are messed up because of their parents and their parents before them come in and just give you their programs. Most of the time it's unconscious. They don't know about this shit. They don't know that, oh, I can actually consciously install positive belief systems, archetypes, and schemas into my child.

9:15 They don't think that way. They're just like, dude, I'm trying to survive, bro. I'm trying to go to my job. I'm a carpenter. I work 16 hours a day. I just want to fucking come home and have a beer and watch TV. And yeah, I might get a little bit drunk and maybe I'll hit my kid while I'm, while I'm doing that. But dude, I'm just trying to survive here. That's most people's reality. And they unconsciously install these belief systems into their children. Then what happens? The children start to mimic what those belief systems are.

9:47 Again, in my case, it was stress. I honestly feel that I picked that shit up when I was in the womb. And yeah, I know sometimes guys, I get a little airy fairy, a little woo woo. Okay. But if you want to be more scientific about it, I was in a mild state of hypnosis for the first seven years. Sometime during that seven years, my mom's stress became my stress. So I want to get into rapport with my mom. And there's the same thing that you guys did, your mom, your dad, whoever.

10:09 You wanted to get into rapport with that person. And I really want you to think about this because you need to be loved. A child's number one priority is to be loved by their parents and they will take on the most ridiculous belief systems. They will be abused in the most ridiculous ways and just do whatever it takes to try to get that love. They will actually be in an abusive relationship with their parents who, for example, get drunk and hit them, which is the case with a lot of my clients.

10:41 I see it all the time where the parent becomes unconscious in some way, hits them, and they believe on a very subconscious level that the behavior is justifiable and they need to deal with it in order to get love. So oftentimes, and this happens a lot of times with addictions, they take on that same addiction because there's the unconscious belief that it will get them something positive. It will get them something that they need. So if your mom's an alcoholic and she's beaten up on you, you may become an alcoholic because you want to get into rapport with her.

11:16 You want her to love you. We are always going for the motive below the motive. So let's take another example. You have a girl that goes out there and sleeps with tons of dudes, right? And we've all met a girl like this and we've all met guys like this that are kind of dysfunctional and they just want to keep having sex with other people, using other people. What are they really doing? They're trying to get love. They're trying to get that thing that perhaps their mom or dad never gave them.

11:43 So the motive underneath the motive is always a positive one. It's always going after those fundamental core things that you are, love, peace, truth, happiness, those things that are core within you, but we go about them in dysfunctional ways. And hence we get those self-destructive kind of behaviors that continuously screw us up. I know for me, another example about me, I wanted to go and have sex with as many girls as I could, but the underlying thing that I really wanted was for as many girls to fall in love with me as possible.

12:21 The reason that was is because throughout my entire childhood, I felt that my mom was a little bit aloof. She didn't really love me. I couldn't get her love, but if I can get the love from as many women as possible, maybe you will make up for it. But here's the thing. It's a bottomless pit, as a lot of you guys know. When you do detrimental behaviors, it always ends in more detrimental behavior. It's a bottomless pit. It's like drugs, right? What is it? Chasing the dragon.

12:43 You who have been heroin addicts or drug addicts know what I'm talking about, where the first hit is always the best and then you're constantly chasing to try to get that same feeling. So anything that you do in your life, and I want you to look at your life, that is of negative behavior. There's always a belief underneath it. So let's go ahead and look for the belief. And this is NLP. The great thing about NLP is it can literally remove belief systems as if deleting a file from your brain.

13:10 And yes, it's just that quick. Give me 20 minutes with you personally. I will delete that bullshit belief system from your brain. I'm not enough. I'm not worthy of love. Hot girls are too good for me. You shouldn't approach people. People don't want to be bothered. I'm not a good dude. Whatever your belief is, it's fucking bullshit. It's BS, belief system, bullshit, right? But there's always a positive belief below it. So if you're afraid to go approach a girl, for example, there's a positive belief below it that if I don't approach her, I'll stay safe.

13:45 I won't get rejected. My trembling embryo of confidence, this tiny bit that I still have, isn't going to be decimated by this girl. So what happens? You don't approach. And if you get a pickup artist coach that says, dude, go approach, go approach, there's going to be so much resistance there because of your positive belief underneath the negative behavior. Is not approaching really good for you? No, because you're not going to meet that girl, which is what you really want. But then there's that opposing belief, which is it is good for me because it keeps me safe, but it doesn't keep you safe.

14:21 It's an illusion. That's just something you've built up in your head because whatever, you got it from your parents, you got it from media, bad experiences when you were a kid. And you're like, fuck that. I'm not approaching girls because I'm going to get rejected and rejection is going to hurt. So I have a positive belief underneath my negative behavior. The negative behavior is not approaching girls. The positive belief is it's going to keep me safe. That is more powerful than anything a coach could tell you.

14:46 And that's why when I look at other dating coaches, I mean, I hate to be a dick here, but I literally laugh because I'm like, dude, you're teaching them all these skills, but you're not getting to the root of the problem. You're not getting insight here. This is where it all starts inside the head between the two ears. So we always have to look at, and I want you to do this with any bad habit that you have. What do I believe I'm getting from this?

15:09 What positive thing am I going to get from this? If I continue to do this, what is it that I believe? Okay. It's always the belief. So I want you to look at that. Bad behavior, vices, things that you're addicted to. There's always a positive belief underneath it. Today's the 12th of October. And we all heard of course, that Hamas, the Palestinian faction, the militant faction of the Palestinian colony attacked Israel. Okay. I don't know a ton about this stuff. And listen, I don't have a political stance on it because the way I see it is that it's just suffering and suffering only amounts to more suffering.

15:44 But I will say this, the Palestinians believe that they are correct and they are willing to die and kill others, including innocent families, children, which is an absolute fucking travesty in my opinion, in order to accomplish their goal. What is the belief that's underneath the action? The belief is, if I do this, we are going to go to heaven. We are going to get 75 virgins and we're going to live in paradise for all of eternity. Pretty strong motivation. In the meantime, Israel believes that, Hey, this is our land.

16:13 We were here first. You guys keep attacking us and killing us. So fuck you. We're going to completely flatten the Gaza Strip. As we are now, they have completely cut off water to the Gaza Strip. They've cut off all resources to it. And in my opinion, they're going to basically flatten the place, which is horrible, right? This whole thing that's happening. It's just suffering upon more suffering. And the reason is, is because there's always a positive intention behind anything that you do that's self-destructive or violent.

16:39 But as the Tao Te Ching says, violence, no matter how well intentioned, always rebounds upon yourself. Now, listen, I'm not trying to propose any kind of solution to what's going on in the Middle East. And I can't for a minute imagine how much suffering must be going on. I mean, dude, if somebody bombed my city randomly and killed a bunch of my friends, I'd probably go fuck them up too. I'm just being honest. But we understand that negativity just creates more negativity. And we have to identify the belief underneath that bad behavior or that proclivity towards violence or whatever it is.

17:19 It's always a positive belief underneath the negative behavior. Now, as we're talking about it, I want to send a shout out to my boy, Ben. He's in Israel right now. He's a past client of mine. His friends, family, and his people are suffering to a high degree. And I want to send a lot of love to you, brother. I know you guys are suffering and I'm deeply sorry that you guys are going through that. At the same time, I want to give a shout out to all the innocent victims, not only on the Israel side, but the Palestinian side as well.

17:44 Have you guys seen the videos of this? There's like four-year-old children being carried by their dads who are dead because of a missile that struck a building. And I understand, you know, I understand both sides, okay? They have their thoughts, they have their thoughts, and they're just going at war with each other. But as a father with a four-year-old little girl, I cannot imagine the pain and suffering that's being imposed by a radical terrorist faction, Hamas, who, by the way, only represents one third of the Palestinian people who go and make this attack on Israel.

18:16 And now Israel's attacking back and it's just fucking more violence. So I just want to give voice to the fact that violence, no matter how well intentioned, always rebounds upon yourself. All it does is create suffering. Now going into a different example that perhaps is more relatable to the audience that's listening now are bad habits like eating like shit, playing video games, masturbating too much. These kinds of things, there's always, again, that belief system that's underneath it. Okay? If I continue playing video games, it's going to bring me into peace.

18:46 I can avoid my problems, avoid trying to get to that next level, and I'm going to find peace, happiness, and or just hide from those things that I'm afraid of. Oftentimes when we do behaviors that are self detrimental, it's because we're hiding from what we actually have to do. But we all know that it only creates more suffering. What is it that I always say, right? If you do what's hard, your life will be easy. If you do what's easy, masturbating, eating like shit, playing video games all the time, your life will be hard.

19:21 And another thing I love to say is choose the hard thing consciously or the hard thing will choose you unconsciously. It's going to come back to bite you in the ass. So the entire point of look at the belief system that's underneath your action. Awareness alone is curative, which means when you see why you're doing what you're doing, oftentimes you can say, wait a minute, let me just choose that state to begin with. So if you're stressing out in order to give yourself more peace, which is completely counterintuitive, right?

19:51 You're making yourself anxious because you want peace and you know that peace is what you want. You want that security. Then realizing that's what you want will oftentimes allow you to get it. That's why the quote says awareness alone is curative. So for all your bad habits, the only thing I want you to do with this episode is identify what it is that you're trying to get. What's the positive intention behind the negative action? Focus on that positive intention and say, how could I get this without the negative action?

20:20 And oftentimes that answer will be given to you. Now, obviously I'm an NLP coach. The best way, in my opinion, to get rid of this belief that's underneath the negative action is to remove the belief. Just like my past belief that stressing out is going to keep me safe. It's bullshit. Stressing out just makes it worse. It just makes the situation worse. So I removed that belief system and now my stress has been reduced by I'd say 95%. I mean, I used to be at the point of losing my mind because of my stress.

20:50 But once I removed the belief system underneath the negative action, then the negative action went away because I realized that what I was doing was stupid. It didn't work. And once you realize that you can oftentimes step past it. But of course, with NLP, we can just remove it. It's gone. Goodbye. Remove it from your timeline. It has no effect on you anymore. And then you can move on to that state, which you want to get to anyway, which I know what you want, bro. You want happiness, peace.

21:18 You just want freedom. You just want to be able to relax and know that everything's going to be okay and have a life that's full of joy and enthusiasm. The way to do it, to destroy bad habits, destructive behavior, is to understand the belief underneath it and remove that belief. You can do that simply by being conscious of it. But of course, if you come into my program, we're going to go after all those types of beliefs. And I'm going to give you a toolkit to continue going after those even after you graduate the program.

21:46 If you're interested, just click the link below, fill in the quick application. And gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening this far. I think I went about 25 minutes. If you stuck with me this far, I really do appreciate it. And that shows me that you're truly committed to improving your life. It's not just about getting your dick wet, getting that validation. It's about becoming that next level dude. So don't believe everything you think. Look for the motivation behind those actions that you do and watch yourself. Observe yourself.

22:14 Know that you are your most important project. Continue to work on yourself. That's how you get to the highest level. Because remember, boys, everything that happens in your life starts here between your two ears. So you got to take control of it. Question it. Examine it. Watch it. When you do that, you can get to the next highest level. I draw a podcast on Mondays and Thursdays, gentlemen. So please stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.