How to drop toxic friends ... make new friends ... and my gut-wrenching story of losing my best friend to drugs

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode and today we are going to talk about weeding out those toxic friendships that you may have in your life right now and whether or not you should do it especially if you have history with the dude. So as you continue your development, as you continue to grow into a superior man, you're going to find that sometimes your friends aren't willing to come with you.

0:40 In fact, many times your friends are going to try to hold you back telling you not to do those things, not to improve yourself. What's wrong with you bro? You're changing. You're not the same kind of guy. Why are you being so arrogant? What, you think you're better than me? Oh, you think you're growing so much? You're going to hear all this stuff. So in this episode, I want to talk a little bit about when to cut somebody out who's like that and how to get new friends.

1:03 Okay, so my personal theory on the matter is this, is that in my 43 years, I've had many, many friends. Some of them have been lifelong friends, but the vast majority of them have not. You can have seasonal friends, you can have short-term friends, and it doesn't take anything away from the friendship. It's still a great friendship, it's still meaningful, it's still amazing, but just because you guys aren't friends until the end, like you said you'd be when you first were hanging out, it doesn't mean that it's a wasted friendship.

1:35 Like I said, there's seasonal friends, there's lifelong friends, but the vast majority of them are just going to be for a few years, and it doesn't discount the value of that friendship. And as you grow, people tend to grow apart. That's one of the biggest challenges of having a relationship with a girl as well, is that you guys are constantly changing, and in fact, your relationship with her is constantly evolving. The relationship you have with her today may be different than the relationship you had with her three years ago.

2:06 And it's important in marriage especially that you guys can evolve together, communicate, which is what I highly tout is communication, and grow together. But with friends, you don't have that marriage, you don't have that kind of commitment. So sometimes if you just grow apart, you just grow apart. You get different hobbies, you get different belief systems, you meet other dudes you want to hang with. And in my case, I had a toxic friend who I had to cut out of my life. And this is a really difficult story to tell because this guy was my best friend since the time we were six years old, and he got involved in drugs.

2:44 And I'm not going to say his name out of respect for him and his mom, but today he's not doing so hot. And about 10 years ago, I had to cut him out of my life because, long story short, I had moved from Hawaii back to California in order to be with him because he had just done some jail time for doing drugs. He got mixed up in drugs, and I was writing him letters every day while he was in jail because I was really into the self-development stuff.

3:12 I was super fired up. I obviously hadn't discovered podcasting yet, was kind of starting to coach a little bit here and there. But, you know, I was really inspired. So, dude, I wrote him a letter every single day that he was in jail. And he'd write me back. He's like, bro, it's like you're my brother. I need you so bad. When I get out of jail, would you be willing to move from Hawaii and come stay with me in California? Now, in Hawaii, I had a translator job.

3:37 I was working with the Japanese tourists on one of those, like, boats that cruises out in front of Waikiki, like a dinner cruise boat. Well, I was the manager of the translation department. I had a car. I was living in a house. It was an apartment. And, you know, I had a girlfriend even. And I was really loving Hawaii, dude. I got to surf every day. I got to speak Japanese. I mean, it's freaking Hawaii. Like, how could you not love that? But it was my boy, man.

4:03 It was my guy from the time we were six years old. My best friend. My best friend. And, you know, when you're young like that, I was probably 30 when I was there translating. And I left. I was still quite young. And, you know, I made a bad decision because it turned out that he was still on drugs, you know, when I moved to California. He told me he wasn't. He told me he was sober. But it was because of me that we got an apartment because his credit was wrecked.

4:32 And I had gotten a little inheritance from my grandmother dying when I was in Hawaii. And I gave him $10,000, dude. I gave him $10,000 to buy a car. And he bought a truck. He bought this white truck. And he had a couple dirt bikes, a couple CRF 450s. And we would go to the track and, like, race dirt bikes and shit and go out to the desert. And it was, like, it was great, man. I mean, it was one of the best years of my life. But, dude, then we were at a nightclub.

4:59 And he passes out. He passes out, right? So I go over. I'm like, dude, what the fuck's wrong with him? And, like, all our friends were just looking at me like, dude, he's on G, man. It was GHB. And so I carried him out of the nightclub. And I remember I was driving home in his truck that I had bought him. And he's passed out on GHB telling me that he's completely sober. And a cop pulls in behind us. And I was like, dude, please don't light us up, man.

5:28 I just, like, I know there's GHB in this car. I don't know where it is. And GHB, by the way, from what I understand, it's either cat tranquilizer or it's photo developing fluid. I forget which one it is. But it looks like water. So you just keep it in a water bottle. And weightlifters use it in order to make themselves sleep really deeply. Well, I guess people abuse it because they can take a little bit of it and then just get this, like, body high. And the whole time we were living together, man, I should have known.

5:57 But it's like, dude, I don't do drugs. So it's like I don't really know the signs. But, you know, he was always kind of an asshole and kind of like he seemed, now that I look back on it, he did seem a little loopy. But, again, it's like I didn't really know how to detect it. So, anyway, the cop doesn't pull us over. We get home. I literally carry him into our apartment, put him in his bed. And then I look through the car. And sure enough, dude, in the back rear door panel was that bottle of GHB.

6:28 So the next morning I go into his room and I confront him. I have the bottle of GHB. And I'm like, dude, what the fuck? You know, like I moved here from Hawaii for you. I thought we had an agreement. You were going to be sober. Like I would spend hours talking to this guy. Hours. It was like doing four podcasts in a row every night in front of him, trying to motivate him, trying to keep him sober. And he was like, yeah, dude, I'm into it.

6:53 We would go play Frisbee and we'd work out together and we'd get girls. And like, I'm going to do a podcast on this dude because I've never, ever, ever seen a guy pull girls the way he did. He was a natural times 1,000. And I think sometimes when you have a genius like him, it comes with things like addiction. It's like rock stars and stuff, right? They always get addicted. It's like these bright lights that get addicted to these kinds of things. And sure enough, man, he's addicted.

7:19 So he swears up and down, dude, I'm not going to do it, bro. I swear to God, I just relapsed one night. It's not going to happen. I swear. And I was like, all right, man, like, you know, what can I do? I have to believe you. So let's just keep on the path. So a couple of weeks goes by. We're back in our routine. And then one night, dude, he's out driving, does a bunch of GHB. Bro, he passes out in the truck that I bought him at a stop sign, sleeping.

7:47 Finally, somebody calls the cops on him because there's this weird truck sitting at a stop sign, right? For like two hours. Cops come, find him passed out in the car. Thankfully, his foot was on the brake, gets arrested, goes to jail, and he takes the truck and he gives it to a lawyer in order to bail him out of jail. That was it. That was it, dude. The truck that I bought this guy, the life that I gave up for him. I'm like, we had a huge fight.

8:11 And I was like, dude, you're toxic, bro. You're an addict. You don't give a fuck about anybody but yourself. I'm out. So it was at that time that I moved to Arizona. And I moved to Arizona with a good friend of mine who I actually did a video series with, a seduction video series. And by the way, if you leave me a review on iTunes or anywhere else, email me, coachmarksingh at gmail.com, and I'll send you some videos. Really good, man. It's just as good as this content that I post here on the podcast.

8:39 Really good stuff. So anyway, I moved to Arizona and that's when I got really into gaming and I was going to ASU. Not going there, but just gaming girls there. I was probably like 32. And I was just gaming every day and getting tons of dates. And probably some of it was because, you know, my best friend from childhood hurt me so bad. I just like got into this game like immersion, bro. Like four dates a week sometimes just open, open, open social media. At that time, it was like Facebook was big to pull girls off of.

9:12 We didn't have Instagram yet. And like match.com, I got tons of girls off of there. But it was just like day game and night game. And just I went crazy just opening chicks. And then eventually I moved to Colorado. So, you know, I cut that dude out of my life. And long story short, it's because he was toxic. And you are going to have toxic guys like that in your life. And even if you have history like me and homeboy did, they can only go so far, man.

9:37 A person's character is more of a testament to your friendship than any past that you guys have. Yeah, the past is special. And my time with him growing up was special, dude. I look back on it super fondly. But, you know, he never apologized to me for what happened. And a couple years after when I was living in Arizona, I called him. And I'm like, bro, like I'm crushing it with the chicks. I'm really getting good. I'm starting to do coaching. And he's like, good job, man.

10:04 And I was like, hey, you know, I just want to let you know I forgive you. And he's like, yeah, thanks. He's like, you have no idea what I went through, man. He's like, you have no idea. And I get that. I know it's hard to be an addict, but he still, to this day, hasn't apologized. And it's like I'm not sitting around angry about it because, as you know, just as well as I do, when you're resentful, it just holds energy inside yourself. It just burns up yourself.

10:28 So when I forgave him and I said those words, hey, man, I forgive you, it was a huge weight off my shoulders and I could move on from it. But in my opinion, one of the standards that I have is to apologize if you've done somebody wrong. And I mean, clearly, the dude did me wrong, man. I mean, he lied to me, said he was sober, you know, took that money, bought himself a car. He was driving around in a car that I bought him, like, all looped out on drugs.

10:54 Then when he gets arrested, he just hands it over to the lawyer to get him out. Like, to me, that's a pretty big stabbing in the back and I'm not going to stand for it because I have self-respect and I'm not going to let somebody walk over me. And, you know, I checked up on him a couple of years later. And like I said, he's just like a girl magnet, natural. Like, I used to watch this guy and just marvel. And honestly, a lot of the stuff that I learned was from him, especially frame control.

11:19 I mean, this guy had the strongest frame I'd ever seen in my life. But, you know, he was like using girls, dude, like getting girls to fall in love with him. Letting them, letting him move in with her and then just using her. And it's sick, dude. I mean, he has a sickness and I feel for him, but I can't condone it, right? You can't condone it. And this is the same with you guys. So if you have a friend who's trying to hold you back, you have to decide, dude, are you going to cut him out or are you going to take him with you?

11:50 My advice is to try to take him with you. Hey, bro, you know, I've been really into this self-development thing. I've been learning how to pick up girls. Would you want to go pick up girls with me? You want to come to jujitsu with me? I'm trying to do this new jujitsu thing. See what he says. But oftentimes you can't change somebody unless they're ready to. And we are always changing in our own ways. So if you're changing in a way that I know you are because you're listening to this, you're doing self-development, self-improvement, and he's just not on that program.

12:20 Hey, man, you know, sometimes you have to say your goodbyes, wish him the best. And if and when he's ready to come on that program, you invite him with open arms. But here's the thing, too, is that when you change, your energy changes. And when your energy changes, you attract to yourself new people, circumstances, and situations. So if you lose one friend who isn't vibrating on your same wavelength anymore, you are going to make new friends who are. I'm telling you, it happens every single time.

12:49 I have lived all over the world, all over this country. Every single time I meet people who I just resonate with, absolutely resonate with. So if you're moving to a new place, one of the best things you can do is start a new hobby. Or even if you lose a friend, right, you have to cut out a toxic friend and you're like, man, now I don't really have a homeboy. I don't have like a best friend. Dude, start a new hobby, man. You know, I'm really trying to push you guys into jujitsu.

13:16 But if it's not that, then whatever, dude. Airsoft, paintball, surfing, hockey, baseball. There's always something to do. One really good way to meet chicks is to do a, what's that thing called? Kickball. It's like baseball, but you kick the ball. Man, I met so many girls doing that. Like we would all, they would all drink. It was like some charity thing, I think. I didn't care. I just wanted to meet chicks. And I pulled tons of chicks out of kickball. So there's another thing you can do.

13:47 Go get a new job. Go work in a bar or become a yoga instructor or start doing dance lessons. These are other ways to meet not only dudes, but girls too. So I want you to know that there's not only just one best friend for you. Like what if you and I live next door to each other? I guarantee we'd probably hit it off. We'd go do lots of fun shit together. Shoot guns or go to jujitsu or whatever you're into, bro. So I'm telling you, just like you found him or her initially, you will find another friend like that.

14:18 There's other people out there. And if somebody's dragging you down, there comes a time when you have to decide, do I keep this guy in my life or do I cut him out? Obviously, in my situation, the choice was obvious. But I've cut out other friends too. Guys who had really bad thoughts about money and like were always trying to get me to not work because they wanted to hang out or guys who were like super into video games and didn't want to get after it and go work out.

14:44 Like you just kind of have to weed those guys out and you can still appreciate the time you had together. You can even come together every once a month or something and have lunch and reminisce. But if they're not on your program, I suggest cutting them out because the people who are on your program are going to be attracted into your life. And frankly, you should hang around guys who are how you want to be. If you want to be a millionaire, hang around millionaires. If you want to be ripped, hang around guys who have their diet straight.

15:14 If you want to get girls, hang around girl magnets. Trust me, that's the way to do it. So that was my thoughts on that, guys. I hope it was helpful for you. If you do have a toxic friend, I don't think there's any issue whatsoever in cutting him out. Always be as cordial as possible when doing so. In conflict, be courteous and fair and even generous. And if you do that, then there's no issue whatsoever cutting him out and bringing new people in who are more up to your standards.

15:41 All right, my friend, thanks for listening. And I will see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.