How to Find Your Purpose and Attract Abundance With Dr. John DeMartini

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. And boy, oh boy, gentlemen, do I have a special one for you. I was fortunate enough to attract, and when I say attract, I mean that literally one of the wisest teachers that I've ever come across in my journey of self-development, Dr.

0:33 John Demartini. Some of you may recognize his name. He was featured on the movie The Secret, as well as thousands of interviews, hundreds of books, literally tens of thousands of speaking events. And I was fortunate enough to interview him today. I feel so absolutely blessed. And yes, I too am in an attitude of gratitude, which is what we discussed today. If you guys have seen the movie The Secret, you know about what's called the law of attraction. Essentially, boil down, you attract yourself, what you're thinking about and focusing on the most.

1:04 And having an attitude of gratitude makes that law of attraction even more powerful. Now, this goes into my episode about abundance that I recorded recently. And I actually spoke more about the spiritual element of the law of attraction and appreciation, whereas Dr. Demartini really talks about it more on a logical level and how it works with your brain and your body chemistry to attract yourself and or motivate yourself to achieve what you want most. We also talk about how to define your purpose, even if you feel what you're doing now is your purpose.

1:37 And Dr. Demartini on his website gives us a free tool to be able to determine what that is, as well as a myriad of other pieces of knowledge that you guys can learn from. And he will share that with you today. Now, this interview is quite sophisticated. It's going to take a little more concentration than the usual knuckle dragging gorilla talk that I typically do. So get your thinking caps on. But I'm telling you, if you can focus and really consider what the doctor is going to tell you today, it will absolutely change your life.

2:08 So enough rambling on. I'm going to go ahead and jump into the interview. Let's go ahead and get into it. Dr. John Demartini, thank you so much for coming on to the podcast today. Thank you for having me. It really is an honor. I was telling the guys at the front of the show that I first found you through The Secret, which boys, I highly suggest you check out when you get the chance. And Dr. Demartini talks about the law of attraction, something that I have found in my life.

2:32 In fact, Dr. John, I feel like I attracted you onto this interview because I've been following you for years, been a fan of your content, and perhaps even imagine doing this right now, just interviewing a champion like yourself. So I want to start by talking a little bit about the law of attraction because a lot of guys don't know exactly what that is. So I want to define that and how more specifically having an attitude of gratitude attracts to yourself what you're trying to manifest. So what is the law of attraction?

3:03 Okay, I'll ground it a bit because there's a bit of an esotericism wrapped around it. Sometimes every human being has a set of priorities, a set of values that they live their life by, things that are most to least important. Whatever is highest on that list of values, which in my case is teaching, researching, writing. We are spontaneously inspired from within to fulfill. We require no extrinsic motivation to get us in action. And we will pursue it and persist on it until we achieve. As we go down the list of values to lower priorities, we gradually require more extrinsic motivation to get us to work towards.

3:41 We'll tend to procrastinate, hesitate, frustrate instead of being disciplined, reliable, and focused. And we'll need a reward if we do it or a punishment if we don't, keep us on track. That is the least efficient way of approaching what we really want in life. So anytime you set a goal that is congruent and aligned with what you value most, you increase the probability of achieving it. But there's something more. The way the brain is set up, it is a highest value seeking and fulfilling organ. It has an area in the brain, in the thalamus, called the pulmonary nuclei.

4:16 It takes all the sensory experiences that we perceive through each of our senses, and it goes through that area before it goes into the conscious area of the brain, and filters out anything that's not priority, and allows us to discern out of our infinitude of possibilities, those things that are most congruent with what we really are seeking. The ones that we're spontaneously inspired to act upon. Not necessarily the ones we fantasize about, but the ones that are really, truly, demonstrably important to us. And as a result of it, like a mother who's walking in a mall, and she's 35 years old and has three children, and her highest value is raising a family and helping these young children.

4:52 She will spot and filter out things in the mall to see children's clothes, children's items, health items, educational items, etc. Where her husband, who may completely be a different set of values, and will, and probably entrepreneur, if she's taking care of the kids, he will spot out of the mall computers, suits, anything that might give him an advantage in the business world. So we filter our reality, our perceptions, based on the hierarchy of our values. And so anytime we're pursuing what's really most important to us, we increase the probability of spotting synchronous opportunities that are all around us.

5:31 And we see these opportunities, and we tend to be disciplined to act upon these opportunities, and make quick decisions, as Napoleon Hill said in the Laws of Success, we're able to make quick decisions and persevere towards them, and see opportunities. So part of the law of attraction is a neurophysiological phenomenon of setting goals that are truly aligned with what we value most. That increases the probability of spotting opportunities, taking advantage of opportunities, and persisting on those opportunities. Then we also have more of a, you might say a quantum field.

6:12 I think everybody here has had a situation where they've read maybe the names of certain people, and all of a sudden they called or they got a telephone number. We used to do this in the 80s, when I was consulting for about a thousand doctors, doctors across America, we would go in there and take patient files that have been inactive for six months or longer, not been seen, and read the file, read the name, read the chief complaint, read the family members names, just read all about them, and divvy that up amongst all the different staff members.

6:45 And statistically, across a thousand clinics, 20% of the people that we read, and had them read and think about their files and think about them, 20% of them would within one week call or schedule an appointment. Some of them would go out and get injured, I guess, to come in. I don't know what the deal was, but they would actually show back up again. We've seen that in business. So there is definitely some sort of resonation, some sort of a field phenomenon, where there's many people that have had situations where they're really close to somebody and almost connect with them.

7:21 You know, people have reported times when they've had a person passing, for instance, and all of a sudden you knew that, and you don't even know how you knew it, but you connected with them. The higher the level of congruency between who they are and what you value most, the higher the probability of these resonations. So what we think about, and what we visualize, and what we affirm, and what we feel inspired by, and what we take actions on that are aligned and congruent with what we value most, increases the probability of manifesting those in our life.

7:54 So you want to take advantage of the neuroscience component, and also the more esoteric component, because both of them can serve. There are, in a sense, physical, obvious mechanisms, and there are others that we are not sure science is even completely aware of how it works, but we know it works. So somebody who doesn't feel like they're on purpose, perhaps somebody listening to the show, and they're doing something right now with their life that they're not feeling like is their higher purpose. How would one go about finding what that higher purpose is so they can be in more resonance with it and thus attract to themselves the fruits of that purpose?

8:32 Because that's what I'm getting from you, is that when you are on purpose and you act on it, as I have, as well as you have, unfortunately not everybody listening has. That's when the abundance is attracted to you most abundantly. So how does somebody find that within themselves when right now they might be lost? Well, I've been asking that and working on that for, I've been teaching 50 years. And so I've been interested in that topic. And it leads me back to Aristotle. Aristotle was asking that very same question.

9:04 What is it that makes people exceed and what is it that gives them purpose and meaning? And he had a term called the telos. And the telos meant the end in mind. Now that is identical to what Hartman would describe as our highest value. Our very highest value on our hierarchy of values is the telos. And the telos, that is the chief aim Napoleon Hill described. It is that magnificent obsession that telos described. And it was called the telos by Ursula. He's made a study of it.

9:35 And he called it teleology. The study of purpose and meaning. So our purpose, the most meaningful, most inspiring, most fulfilling thing we can do, is an expression of fulfilling of the highest value. Our highest value is the most fulfilling, most efficient, effective pathway to fulfill the greatest amount of voids in our life of emptiness with the most fulfillment. So on my website, drdemartine.com, for all these years I've been studying, 44 years I've been studying axiology, which is a study of values. I organized a way of discerning what that is.

10:12 It's a 13-question process that's free. It's complimentary, it's private. I would encourage people to go to drdemartine.com and just do this and go on there and go through these 13 questions and answer them as honest as you can. Don't allow yourself to answer the questions with what you think it should be, ought to be, supposed to be, got to be, have to be, must be, from outside, extrinsic, injected values of outer authorities you're comparing yourself to. It has to be intrinsically what is meaningful to you and what your life truly demonstrates you're acting on.

10:47 My life demonstrates teaching. I do it every day. Yeah, me too. My life doesn't, you know, I had fantasies of being an international sex symbol at one time, yeah, but there's been zero evidence of that ever showing up. But there has been evidence of me being a teacher. So you want to go look at what your life demonstrates because what you spontaneously do every day that nobody has to remind you to do, that you love doing, is in the direction of what is highest on your value.

11:13 When you have tears of inspiration pouring out of your eyes when you're getting to do it, you know it's highest on your value. You fill your space with what's most important. You spend your time on what's most important. You are energized by what's most important. You find money and make money for things that are most important. You are automatically organized and disciplined in that area. You automatically think, visualize, and internally dialogue with yourself about how you really want your life that's showing evidence of coming true in that area.

11:40 You converse about that area. You're inspired by that area. You want to fulfill goals in that area, and you love learning in that area. Look carefully at the 13 value determinants on this website, drdemartine.com. Take advantage of that because what it will do, it will help you screen out the fantasies that you'll be pursuing, which lead to frustrations, and look for true objectives that are deeply meaningful. Your telos, your highest value, is the path of your purpose. So don't look anywhere else. Don't look for some supernatural source.

12:13 Just look within. Because the within and your daily actions tell you everything about what's important to you. But many people compare themselves to others and try to live in the shadows of others instead of standing on the shoulders of giants. And they become second at being somebody else instead of first being who they are. And the magnificence of who you are is far greater than those fantasies you might inject or impose. As Einstein said, when you're a cat expecting to swim like a fish, you're going to end up beating yourself up.

12:42 If you're a fish expecting to climb a tree like a cat, you're going to beat yourself up. But when you honor who you are according to what your hierarchy of values is dictating, you will take advantage of the law of attraction because it's the most innermost dominant thought that becomes your outermost tangible reality. And your innermost dominant thought is an expression of what you value most. I had a mentor tell me about 10 years ago. He said, what would you do if you had no chance of failure?

13:05 And that allowed me to also identify what it was. And it's like you, Dr. Demartini. It's being a coach, helping men out to become the best versions of themselves. So with that in hand, we're talking about the law of attraction. And we want to talk about that attitude of gratitude, which has been so paramount for me. Every morning I meditate and I give thanks for everything. I actually gave thanks to you this morning. Thank you for coming on to my podcast. And amazingly, your agent reached out to me, which I was so surprised.

13:32 I was like, what? Because I get requests all the time. But when I saw your name, I was like, book them immediately. I don't care. Let's do this. So with that attitude of gratitude, what is it about being gracious? What is it about thanking what you have and focusing on those things of abundance that attracts more abundance into your life? Well, we can go there. I was born on Thanksgiving Day. So I started out that way. And I have the largest collection of gratitude of anyone I've ever met.

13:59 It's 33 volumes. And some volumes are 900 pages. So that will tell you how many pages I've been working on that. I'm a firm believer that of something that my mom told me when I was four. She said, if you count your blessings and are grateful for what you have, you get more to be grateful for. But let's go down the rabbit hole a bit on gratitude. When we meet somebody and we put them on a pedestal and we're too humble to admit what we see in them inside us and we minimize ourselves and exaggerate them, we're inauthentic.

14:29 And we're going to end up injecting some of their values into our lives and try to be somebody we're not and have, in a sense, futility, trying to be second at being somebody else. And we'll be ungrateful because we're trying to live in and get us to live in their values, which is futile. If we do the opposite and look down on somebody and puff ourselves up and are too proud to admit what we see in them inside us and we judge it looking down at them, again, we're not authentic.

14:57 We're cocky and pushed up looking down. And we tend to project our values onto them and try to get them to live in our values, which is futile. Anytime you try to live in somebody else's values or try to get others to people who live in your values, you have futility. Because they want to be loved for who they are, you want to be loved for who you are. And having equity between you and them and equanimity within yourself is the key to that. That's what authenticity is.

15:22 But the moment you don't look down on them, judging them down, or look up at them, judging them up, but look across at them as reflections, pure reflective awareness, not deflecting awareness, but reflective awareness, you get to be authentic. And you automatically, when you're in that state, have tears of gratitude coming out as a confirmation of authenticity. All the physiological symptoms, all the psychological symptoms in our life are feedback mechanisms to get us to be the most authentic individual. And when we live by our highest value, our ontological identity revolves around that.

15:59 We are most authentic and most grateful. That's why they call the Executive Center, the Media Prefrontal Cortex, also the Gratitude Center. So the moment we are living by priority, the moment we're grateful, the moment we're objective and not judging, the moment we have an appreciation, love for people and ourselves, for authenticity, we end up in the gratitude. And that helps us have less noise in the brain, so it helps our brain function. It helps us have equanimity and equity in our business, so we're not talking down to customers and not meeting their needs or sacrificing profits.

16:32 It allows us to be able to manage our emotions so we can manage money. It allows us to have fair, sustainable exchange in relationships and be a leader because people want to be, you know, appreciative of who they are if they're helping you fulfill an omission, an objective. And it also stabilizes the autonomic nervous system, hypothalamus, the suprachiasmic nucleus. It helps bring all the rhythms and physiological systems into homeostasis. And it is the most inspired state. Gratitude is the most inspired state for a spiritual path.

17:03 So, all areas of our life are fulfilled by walking the path of gratitude. And gratitude is the key that opens up the gateway of the heart and allows love to radiate out of the heart, window wash the mind, inspire the mind, enthuse the body, bring certainty in our actions and presence while we're there being with people we love. Unbelievable. So, I'm curious about you, Dr. Demartini. You know, you're admittedly, and you say this on your website, so I'm not throwing anything out there you don't want people to know, but I believe you're 67 years old.

17:32 Is that correct? 67, going to be 68. Okay. Highly successful, right? Obviously, monetarily successful. You don't have to do this. But, and I just heard this. I was reading it on your website. You travel literally every day of the year. You do thousands of these interviews. You are on a mission to spread this word. I want to know why you do this. What is it that's propelling you? What is going on with you to do this every single day of the year, traveling and doing all these interviews?

18:03 Why? Well, let me preface something. When COVID hit, I was in Tokyo doing a filming of a movie and doing my signature program, The Breakthrough Experience, which I've done 1,147 times. I flew to Los Angeles. They hit lockdown. Luckily, I got into Houston where my kids are, and I hung out in Houston for a while during the lockdown and during the crazies. So during that time, I was traveling on Zoom. Prior to that, I'd done over 20 million miles flying. 20 million. My God. But, now I'm living, right now I happen to be in Houston visiting my kids, but I normally live on a ship.

18:45 For the last 20, almost 21 years, I live on a ship, and it full-time travels the world. So if I'm not flying somewhere, I'm sailing somewhere. And so, but that was my dream when I was 17, to travel the world and teach. But the reason I do it, when I was a young boy, well, when I was born, I had a deformity of my arm and leg. And I had to wear braces until I was four to straighten out my arm and leg. And when you were constrained from one and a half to four, you kind of like to get out of the constraint.

19:17 You want to be free to kind of move around. I have a feeling that had an impact on my life to some degree. It may be anecdotal. I don't think so. But it was a void that I think drove me to want to go and travel and want to see the world and not be constrained. I've always said the universe is my playground. The world is my home. Every country is a room in the house to share my heart and soul. And I live on a ship called the world.

19:39 It's the largest yacht in the world. But I also had a speech impediment. And I had to go to speech pathologists from a year and a half old to about probably four also. And I did not have the ability to speak properly. I also had learning problems. And I was told in first grade I would never be able to read, write, or communicate, never go very far in life. I only made it through school by asking smart kids questions. And then when I moved to a small town where I didn't have a bunch of smart kids, it was a low socioeconomic area, I ended up failing and dropping out.

20:13 So I was a street kid from 13 to 18. I picked up surfing because I could do that. That's about it. I surfed too. I grew up in California. You grew up in Oahu. Is that right? Well, I first started in Texas, but you got to have a hurricane to surf a lot there. Yeah. I hitchhiked to California when I was 14, down into Mexico. 15, I made my way over to Hawaii. I lived on the North Shore, Iakai Beach Park, Pipeline area. So I was a surf guy. And recently I just surfed in Tahiti, Hawaii.

20:43 And also Ecuador. So I've just been surfing recently. Nice. Those voids in my life probably had an impact. And then the night when I was 17 years old, I met a gentleman named Paul Bragg who spoke in little presentation. And that was the first night in my life I thought maybe I could overcome my learning problems. Learn how to read properly and speak properly. And I really didn't want to be a dunce cap kid because I had to wear a dunce cap when I was in first grade.

21:12 And I really, really, really, really, really, really wanted to be intelligent. But I never thought I would be intelligent until the night I met him. And then that night I got so inspired with the possibility that I could overcome my learning problems and speak properly that I went on a quest to do that. That led me to fly back to LA, hitchhike back to Texas, take a GED, miraculously guessed and passed. I don't know how that happened. Just guessed. It was pure guessing. Trying to go to college, failing, and then nearly wanting to give up and go back surfing.

21:47 And my mom said to me one night when she saw me, one afternoon when she saw me really distraught, failing the class. She said, what happened, son? I said, I guess I'll never read, write, or communicate. And I'm not sure they never go very far in life. I got a 27 and I needed a 72 to pass. And she said, whether you become a great teacher and travel the world like you dream, whether you ride giant waves like you've done on the North Shore, whether you return to the streets and panhandle as a bum, I just want to let you know your father and I are going to love you no matter what.

22:14 I needed to hear that. And that was the gratitude and love that I got that moment. And my hand went into a fist. I made a statement inside my head. And I saw the vision that I saw the night I was at Paul Braggers speaking in front of a group of people. And I said, I'm going to master this thing called teaching, or first reading, studying, and learning, and then teaching and traveling the world. And I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'm going to travel whatever distance.

22:36 I'm going to pay whatever price to get my service of love across the planet. I'm not going to let any human being, not even myself, interfere with that. And it was a no turning back moment. And I hugged my mom. I went into the room and I got a dictionary out. And I started memorizing 30 words a day until my vocabulary was strong enough to get past school. And then I never stopped. And I went on to reading now over 30,630 books now. So I'm just been nonstop for the last 50 years researching, writing, traveling, teaching as best I can.

23:06 And people ask me, why do you do it? I said, because I can. Oftentimes, clients come to me who have speech impediments, who have major insecurities. Because I teach, I'm a dating coach. I teach guys how to attract women. And oftentimes what I find is your, sometimes your biggest downfall is your superpower. And I think that's true for you that you had this massive passion to be a teacher, but you had to overcome that obstacle that prevented you from being a teacher in order to teach.

23:34 Because you have to relate to the experience of people who are suffering. And I think that was a really necessary part of your evolution as it was for me. I used to suffer from agoraphobia, panic attacks, couldn't go outside at one point and was near suicidal to where I am now, which is a dating coach who has a successful podcast. And, you know, I couldn't speak either. So that barrier, I believe, is given to us as a gift that we overcome. And thus, we can relate to other people who are going through that barrier.

24:03 So, gentlemen, if you're listening, and I know a lot of you guys are, who are struggling to a very deep level, please visit his website. And Dr. Demartini, would you mind sharing what the website is with us? Just drdemartini, D-E-M-A-R-T-I-N-I dot com, drdemartini.com. And just look for the value determination process. It's worth doing. There's a vast amount of information on that website. You may have been on there. I don't know. You could spend the rest of your life on there with education. There's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of interviews and podcasts and YouTube stuff and that.

24:38 But you just take the time to go do that complimentary private value determination process. I've had literally thousands and thousands of people do that and say, thank you. It is eye-opening to take a look. So you don't waste your time on things that... See, anytime you're not doing the highest priority things, you devalue yourself. And when you devalue yourself, so is the world. For a moment, I hope you don't mind. Women are looking for men who are empowered. I mean, they're looking for the best package they can get.

25:06 They're looking for somebody that's fit. They're looking for somebody that's intelligent. They're looking for somebody that's ambitious. They're looking for somebody that's got resources. They're looking for somebody that cares and has a love and intimacy for them. They're looking for somebody that's socially connected, social savvy. They're looking for somebody that's inspired. Those will automatically be enhanced by prioritizing your life, learning to delegate lower priority things, sticking to higher priority things, and filling your day with the things that are meaningful and inspiring because you become a magnet.

25:36 You become attractive. You have the law of attraction because your innermost dominant thought now becomes your outermost tangible reality. Love it. Thank you so much for spending the time with us today, Dr. Demartini. I am going to spread this to my entire audience, my entire list, because I think that they deserve to hear from you and you deserve to get them to come visit you. So thank you again. I really do appreciate it. I do feel on some level that I attracted you. So what you teach, boys, actually works because look, I have this amazing individual on my podcast and it's just going to continue to grow as I have an attitude of gratitude.

26:11 So Dr. Demartini, thank you so much. I really do appreciate it. Gentlemen, I drop podcasts on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so please stay tuned for the next one and I will see you in the next episode. So. Thank you.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.